


Never know what she means to me, I fell for the girl that's on tv

by Ilovegreen007



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies), Pitch Perfect RPF, The Voice (US) RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reality Show, Angst with a Happy Ending, Aubrey is an Understanding Overprotective bestfriend, Bumper is an ass, Chloe wants what she can't have, Dancing and Singing, F/F, Fangirls, Female Friendship, Girl Power, Lesbihonest bechloe rules, Love Triangles, Music, ObsessedwithBeca, POV Chloe, Slow Burn, bechloe - Freeform, girl group
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-04
Updated: 2016-05-04
Packaged: 2018-05-18 03:56:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 222,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5897362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ilovegreen007/pseuds/Ilovegreen007
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chloe Beale's been in love with Beca Mitchell for ages and Beca has no idea whatsoever. She a world-renowned musician and Chloe her number one fan. All seems pretty hopeless until Beca becomes a judge in a hit reality tv singing competition where Chloe on a whim auditions. Crappy summary but plenty of ideas for this fic.<br/>Aka that The Voice Bechloe AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

You can't say it doesn't hurt, but what do you expect? Like the typical cliché that you are- you _fell_ , you fell _so hard_ for the girl you could never have, not that she would want you anyway or even take a second glance...  
  
She's _straight_ , straighter than straight, and you hate how easily she pulled you in, and you hate how she'll never know the capacity of your feelings for her.  
  
And to top it all off, she's a world away from you--you're separated by a screen. She's an actress, a Hollywood star, and you on the other hand, are this small town girl- the crazy obsessed fan who took one look at a television show, saw her face and suddenly you believed it was fate. This would be the one you would want to know-and probably marry someday.  
  
Not that there weren't any prospects back at home (you're still on the fence about the whole being gay thing) but no girl or boy can really catch or hold on to your attention like she has.  
  
Through every interview, every photo, you don't know why you feel like you know her... kindred spirits in a sense. No, you're convinced... she's your _soulmate_.   
  
Something about her eyes or just basically her just being _her_ has grabbed you.  
  
You even like the same things, share the same interests; like music _obviously._ Even the little things you've got in common: she was in choir so were you, she's from a catholic family so are you. If this didn't scream meant to be and just their overall compatibility-- _you don't know what else did_.  
  
You didn't know what it was about Beca Mitchell that got to you, to begin with you weren't the typical fan girl. Well, until Beca, you'd never much cared for any of the new string of celebrities-but that was it, Beca wasn't just any Hollywood starlet.  
  
Sure, she was famous and she was talented and the whole world loved and followed her every move (being the hottest thing right now with Grammy and Tony and every other musical related awards, there were even academy nominations) and yet she didn't let it get to her head. Beca was one level-headed young girl. Everyone seemed to admire her determination, her dedication to her craft and she easily excelled in whatever feat she decided to take on.  
  
She wasn't even the big name type when she started out. She was one of those girls that you would see in some movie- not the lead, but she would hold your attention, say something (no matter how brief) and in those few seconds she captivates you.  
  
Later on as she gets more roles, you find out her name and then it makes a lot of sense.  
  
This _Beca Mitchell-_ once she gets your attention-you can't quite look away.  
  
She's _good_ , really good and to others who only just now started to praise her genius, you scoff, you had "discovered" her, seen her for who she could truly become and so avid fan is an understatement.  
  
You would be the girl who practically worshiped her, your bedroom is quite possibly a shrine every space available filled with memorabilia of her work throughout the years.  
  
This time around, she was trying something different. Beca had been invited to be a judge in one of the more exciting singing talent search shows- one that Chloe had forever found herself wanting to try out for. The yearning was stronger than ever before, now that Beca would be a judge replacing one of the two judges that took a break or decide to venture into other things. And _who_ else would they ask?  
  
They were practically begging to have the hottest music producer, over-all entertainer and artist, DJ Mitchell, on one of the swiveling chairs

 

You've never been more nervous in your life, but- the day finally came. You've scored an audition and she's _right_ there. Just a few inches away, breathing the same air as you (okay reign in the psycho in you) and _oh my god._...you feel like you're gonna puke with the sheer intensity of the moment.  
  
"Get a grip Chloe, you're not Aubrey-" you honestly feel bad thinking about your best friend that way-she couldn't help it-but you can't remember being this nervous ever, you're practically dry heaving coaching yourself to-"breathe just breathe"  
  
It's just now, even that simple act seems really, _really_ difficult.  
  
It's not like you're completely new at this -You've done this performance thing before with College Acapella even did back-up for Prince. (Do not think about his ass or how tiny it is, that's the last thing you need in your head.)  
  
But this... _this_ was the real thing. This was the biggest nationwide recorded television show--cameras were on you right now. You're psyching yourself up for it backstage away from it all.  
  
You're certain no one has ever taken this long in this room and before you can stay for just a second later and end up not leaving the room at all- you finally find _something_ in you that propels you forward.  
  
The first step out on the walkway and you can see the stage.  
  
_Okay, now this is what hyperventilating feels like._ You begin to walk and with each step, the more thoughts seem to crowd around your head going from bad "Oh god, what if no one turns." to worse "What if Beca doesn't turn."  
  
You walk till you reach the microphone stand at the front of the stage- you see the four chairs and you can clearly see Beca on the far left.  
  
Okay, there's the audience concentrate on them…  
  
You take a deep, shaky, breath, allowing yourself the calm that came naturally whenever you performed...and you open your mouth as the music kicks in.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Chloe sings and maybe gets on the show and maybe gets to have a one-on-one with one of the judges she most longs to talk to.

'Eternal Flame's' opening swells around you and if Rachel Berry from Glee has 'Don't Rain on My Parade' as her song(the one that she knows with her whole heart) this one's yours--This is pure Chloe Beale.  
  
You can sing, that much you know about yourself.  
  
You have a voice and this was a show that was looking for just that.  
  
It had come as a pleasant surprise actually- in the family you only ever had your older girl cousins who just loved to perform during get-togethers. One in particular, Janet, always did love the attention, especially when she got into her Spice Girls 'Wannabe' routine complete with made-up costumes. She did most, if not all the parts while your other cousins stood either swaying or readying her props... and usually you left it all to them, except for that one time that you just happened to be singing along when your Granddad, passing by on his way to the kitchen had heard you.  
  
_"Was that you, Chlo singing just now?" There was this little twinkle in his eye when he asked._  
  
He'd always claimed that you had a better voice than all of them put together and that you'd go somewhere with that voice and you believed him wholeheartedly.  
  
You may not have been the singer that you are today, but he gave you that all too necessary boost of confidence that propelled you to pursue music.  
  
_You remember that fateful day as he invited you to stand in front of the whole family and asked you to sing alone, all by yourself._  
  
_You didn't want to upset your Grandpa and so you began to sing_  


In that moment the _past_ and the _present_ sync into one...  
  
   
  
**_Close your eyes give me your hand darling...._**  
  
   
  
_You falter a bit the words to one of his favorite songs hazy in your mind you feel a nervous energy with all the attention of the entire family on you- the youngest, for once._  
  
_You see his reassuring smile over the sullen yet impressed faces of your cousins and you begin to recall it, falling into it with an easy familiarity. Your voice carrying out with a fire you didn't know you possessed._  
  
   
  
**_Do you feel my heart beating..._**  
  
**_Do you understand... Do you feel the same_**  
  
**_Or am I only dreaming..._**  
  
**_Or is this burning an eternal flame_**  
  
   
  
How many times had he sang it to you--too many to count, and now you sing it for him- always for him.  
  
You miss him, and you dedicate every performance to him, and like that night long ago, you give your _all_ into the same song- but in front of a completely different audience.  
  
You feel his presence alive there, like he is singing with you once again.  
  
   
  
**_Say my name sun shines through the rain_**  
  
**_a whole life so lonely then you come and ease the pain_**  
  
**_I don't wan to loose this feeling oh-_**  
  
   
  
You're sure you've never sounded better.  You give it your all, knowing your grandfather is smiling up there. Your number one, albeit most biased fan.  
  
The song is coming to a close and suddenly you hear a roar of applause breakthrough...  
  
You dunno why, but you've only just realized--maybe cos your eyes were closed and that you were _so_ into it, that not only have two of the regular judges already turned, so has another one.  
  
3 out of 4. Not bad.  
  
You allow a wide grin to break through, feeling giddy and happy and crazed, all at the same time--the high coming from definitely getting a spot on the show. Sure, it was just the beginning and there were plenty more rounds to go. But it was a start.  
  
As the last notes leave your mouth. You realize with a thud-as your senses come back and everything is put into focus-that the third person who'd turned _wasn't_ Beca.  
  
You feel the disappointment creep in biting a little at your accomplishment. Mostly you feel hurt, rejected, ultimately just plain heart-broken.  
  
_Don't take it personally_ , she may be looking waiting for something else holding out for someone else, it's not _you_ \- But all you can think is, of course... she doesn't- _wouldn't_ want you.  
  
You're so involved in your inner monologue that you fail to notice that they're talking to you-  
  
"So what's your name?" you're not sure which one of the male judges asked you.  
  
Oh God.  Shake it off. You're on tv. You need to be "present" _Try not to come off as a complete airhead_  
  
"I'm- Chloe, Chloe Beale." _There you recovered quite nicely._  
  
"Good to know the voice matches the face."  
  
You're not entirely sure that's a compliment. You smile-it doesn't quite feel real though. You're not sure how to respond...  
  
"When you started singing, I almost imagined those fat baby angels coming in from behind the clouds together with a whole choir-there's this quality to your voice. It's just so _pure_ -angelic."  
  
"Cherubs, Usher. Cherubim's what they're called," Beca says cutting in- her amused smirk is almost enough to remove that tight feeling in your belly, just almost.  
  
"Cherubims huh...Yes, excuse me. Okay, whatever they're called, what I'm saying is that you Miss Beale-you have it, and _I_ think... that you would sit nicely on my team and we can make some soul music together."  
  
You can't stop looking her way, even if you wanted to... but you duck your eyes whenever you even feel her return your stare.  
  
Adam Levine cuts in and he has everything going for him. You think many a girl in your position would be swooning by now, but he's just not your-you were gonna say type, but you amend with saying he's just not Beca.  
  
"Personally, I think she belongs in my team, from what I heard in that limited amount of time-your voice has so much _potential_ -. I mean we were, most of us-(here he glances at Beca almost in disbelief) _Blown away_ \- just by that performance so I can only imagine what more you could do-I have a feeling I'm your man, I can bring out, showcase... your full range."  
  
"Mr Levine is right-" Blake Shelton says everyone sort of pauses waiting for the continuation of that sentence, awaiting the playful bantering between the two regular judges,"-about the talent you have, cos man we were _blown away_. But he is _definitely_ wrong since I believe that I've got the best bet of showing off your capabilities. You know, I bet you could even do country. All I'm offering is a straight up win, just saying."  
  
"Okay, that's enough strutting, roosters. Settle down men... all the talk about angels... I mean, how is a girl ever to choose?" Beca kids.  
  
"Please, Chloe. You know it's all up to you, it's your decision... so go with the one you won't regret." Usher says while mouthing ME  
  
"Chloe knows that she'll be guaranteed a spot in the finals if she chooses me." Blake says at the same time doing his trademark finger thingy.  
  
"Why don't we let _her_ talk." Adam says, motioning to you.  
  
You've been listening to the easy rapport between the judges; their chemistry this auditions. Beca actually fits right in, though she adds some sarcasm a little spunk.  
  
"I was just thinking it's about time we did." Beca jumps right in.  
  
_Maybe a lot of plain smart assedness to the table_  
  
"So Chloe, Chloe Beale." she says, a teasing smile on her lips, "Who do you choose?"  
  
You're weirdly tempted to say "Beca Mitchell, I choose you" like this was some Pokemon alternate universe duel or something, like it was that easy, picking out some random Pokeball... just saying if you were still going with the whole Pokemon analogy... Beca was your Pikachu, your first choice. And so now that you don't even have that option you have to go with...  
  
"I'm just very flattered first and foremost, I really- I admire each and every one of you-" _And you I- I love you,_ you think as Beca catches your eye.  
  
"-But I'll just... go with my gut, cos it's always served me well-so... I'll have to choose... Adam."  
  
Adam Levine clambers up to give you a hug and manages to say just above the noises of the music and the crowd that "You won't regret it."--choosing him  


* * *

  
  
Much later, after being led to the room where your parents are and being congratulated and taping everything required after. You are asked by one of the production assistants to wait a bit so they could brief you on everything: the schedule you'll be having...shooting dates, _overall_ they'll tell you what exactly is expected of you, these coming weeks.  
  
You feel like you've been waiting almost an hour when on your third boring walk back down the corridor, you bump into something or rather someone-  
  
_Beca Mitchell_ literally runs into you. You realize that you both might've been a little distracted since not only is it a _light_ running into; she must've been in a hurry cos the impact is quite strong (which is impressive as she is just an adorable little thing) so much that you teetered on the brink of falling until she reaches out to steady you.  
  
Your heart's racing around in your chest just from all that contact; you're sure your brain had short-circuited as all you can think is that...  
  
Beca is _touching_ you...  
  
"Shit, sorry...texting while walking...bad habit." Her eyes are friendly, engaging, brightening up even more so when she finally recognizes you..."Chloe-Chloe Beale, isn't it?"  
  
"You don't always have to say my name like that, you can call me Chloe..." You're relieved that you don't sound as shaken as you feel.  
  
_C'mon Chloe, you can do this-you're a pretty outgoing person._  
  
"Hmm, maybe I'll think about it." she says, with that all to constant smirk gracing her features. You try to control the warmth from showing on your face-you think you succeed at the most part.  
  
She seems to have forgotten that she was in a hurry or that she had to be anywhere else at the moment.  
  
"So um, what you have been up to? Are you waiting for anyone?"  
  
"Just um hanging around. I'm supposed to be briefed by one of the staff-they told me to wait here."  
  
"And how's that going-I wasn't aware that they set up those kinds of meetings, and here of all the places."  
  
Then you realize exactly where you've just stopped-- _here_ was right at the door to one of the washrooms.  
  
_You see now, why she looked so amused._  
  
"Yeah you know I had to pee and I just couldn't hold it and when you have to go, you just gotta...go."  
  
Okay- you are _so_ mortified this isn't at all the ideal scenario for the first conversation you'd imagined with Beca, right outside of a washroom talking about you having to pee...this time you are really full out blushing.  
  
"No-I understand completely there's nothing quite as horrific like a full bladder in the middle of a long, very important meeting. It's up there with having the urge to scratch a maddening unreachable itch while you're in a very public location... " Her tone's serious, but that telltale smirk appears- you realize she's teasing.  
  
"What about discovering that there's no tissue paper only after doing your business." You add.  
  
Now she's laughing and you can't help it, you join in too. _She has the most infectious laugh ever._  
  
"What about your skirt tucked into your underwear... that's always enjoyable."  
  
And you like how she took something that would normally have the potential of being awkward in stride and made it into something-sorta fun.  
  
It's weird in just that one moment you've connected. Over the weirdest topic, but you'll take it. You keep going.  
  
You're not quite sure what it is but you keep on laughing at anything and everything. You are both too far gone, positively leaning into each other for support -Your tummy hurts you feel like it's been going on for hours.  
  
You're sure your face is as flushed as hers, beaming so brightly you're afraid your face might stay frozen that way. You swear you could stay like this-just _like_ this-with her hands having found purchase on your shoulders, yours on her waist...  
  
" _Becaw!_ " You hear a guy's voice calling to her and suddenly, gone is the warmth- there is more space between you and her now since the beginning of your whole interaction. She takes the guys hand and leans in to kiss him on the cheek.  
  
"Jesse, this is Chloe one of our contestants. She just auditioned today. Chloe, this is Jesse Swanson, the music producer. He works mostly on film soundtracks..."  
  
"Oh, aren't we formal today, just call me Jesse-" he says gathering Beca to him whilst interlacing their fingers, "-Beca's fiancee."  
  
You knew about him, of course, but last you heard -and you were pretty updated with all things where Beca Mitchell's concerned... _especially_ her dating-life- they had decided to take a break and now apparently...they were engaged...to be _married_  
  
You don't really get to reply-of course the last thing you'd be wishing them-especially him, is Congratulations.  
  
"Miss Beale, there you are thank goodness. I thought you'd left. I'm Benji Applebaum. I'll be the one to brief you, if you'll come with me." He starts leading you towards the general area where you were asked to wait earlier.  
  
You start following, after a few steps you quickly turn. You see that Jesse and Beca had begun to walk in the opposite direction, she stops around the corner, allowing Jesse to walk ahead and turns to look at you.  
  
"It was nice having such an intimate talk with you Chloe... _Beale_. I'm glad there's no hard feelings about earlier."  
  
_She's of course referring to her not turning_  
  
"It's alright." you say, even if it wasn't ... _not really_... You give her a saucy wink along with it just to say you enjoyed the conversation as well _very much so_.  
  
"Also, Miss Beale-Coach Adam wants to have a quick talk with you after the briefing..." Benji says his tone somewhat urgent.  
  
"Well, Good luck." she gives you a nod and a last smile. Formal, detached. Nothing at all like earlier.  
  
"Bye." you whisper almost to yourself as she continues walking ...watching her even as she disappears around the corner.  
  
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chaps a little shaky. I'm posting, editing all my old work to bring over here. More to come soon!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe makes an unexpected friend and talks some things over with her best friend, Aubrey.

It turns out Adam Levine is a really nice guy. You don't know why you would think otherwise, some preconceived notion about male lead singers in bands maybe? He actually goes out of his way- he makes you feel at ease as he sits you down in one of the offices. Together him and Benji/ Mr. Applebaum lay down your schedule for the week; some coverage on your background story where you come from something like that and also a photo shoot. But none of the practicing stuff just yet, though he does ask you to provide the songs in your repertoire just so he can get a gist of what songs you like singing, your musical preferences. After he requested to hear you sing a few scales, he looks pretty satisfied towards the end of it.

The meeting draws to a close as Adam is gently reminded that he needs to be somewhere right after by one of his assistants, "Thanks Chloe, at this rate I'm hoping I still have something left to teach you- I'll be having it easy with you." He moves to shake your hand.

"I'll try not to disappoint coach" you say, giving him a salute right after you drop his hand.

"Please, you can call me Adam. It was nice meeting you Chloe- I meant what I said you won't regret it, I'm determined to see you through to the finale. I really was lucky you chose me, though I somehow got the feeling I wasn't your first choice..." You were ready to leave but that stops you in your tracks.

"Uh-what makes you say that?"  _the pause you had given before saying his name had been quite long_

"Just a feeling...and also the candy-taken-from-a-baby-face you were sporting when our Miss Mitchell only turned once you had finished. You a big fan of hers?" There's a definite twinkle to his eyes, he could be asking so much more in that one question.

You are trying to school your features, but all that comes out is,"That's definitely an understatement." you all but breathe out.

"Noted. Okay, okay-I'll get going." He gives you a wide grin and a friendly pat on his way out as his people swarm around following him; his secretary, production assistants, Benji too, as he slips out handing you a card...

"We'll keep in touch Chloe. Don't call us, we'll call you..." he was in a hurry just a moment ago but he does a double-take as his eyes zero in on your watch and he completely stops, "Hey, wait is that a Star Wars The Empire Strikes back collection timepiece?" He's supposed to be following Adam but he's still talking to you.

"Er-yeah my grandfather was always very fond of it, he introduced the first few films to me when I was younger-so I bought this for him during one of his birthdays...I guess i wore it today without really thinking-for luck I guess."

"It's really nice watch, I bet your grandfather really likes it..." For the first time since meeting him Benji gives you a truly unhurried genuine smile--he looks younger with it.

"Yeah, he did." you say, your tone immediately softer.

"He seems like one cool guy, I would've liked to share Star Wars with someone too. I mean not a lot of people I know think it's respectable for a grown man to still dress up and collect "toys" here he motions the quotation marks,  _"_  -as they call it...so do you guys maybe go to conventions or..."

"Well no, we haven't really-I've been busy."

"Oh-it's really great. I bet your grandfather would like to go to one, you could take him, I tell you it's heaven; people dressed up, all the merchandise and no one makes fun of you-well sometimes the characters tend to argue about who's the best...Wait, I can be the one to tell you when the next one is! It's the month after the next-no, wait here's a better idea...we can go together."

You really don't know how to stop him at this point, Benji's all worked-up  _beyond_  just plain excited.  _Poor guy he must not really have any guy pals or just friends to go with._

"Okay, sounds good Benji, " you say, trying to break it to him gently. "-but...I don't think my grandfather can go. No, he uh really he can't...he's indisposed... right...now."

"Of course he can! Every Star War fanatic should be able to experience it just once-I think he would really like it. He won't forgive you for not taking him Chloe, for as long as he lives." Benji goes as far to hold your shoulders you think he wants to shake some sense into you-

Oh god you give up.

"That's the thing, Benji my Grandpa's no longer living-he hasn't been  _around_  for quite... a while now."  _but you're still not used to it._  It still hurts every time you say it out loud, whenever you acknowledge that he's gone forever.

Benji quickly pales.

"Oh-oh! He's- I'm sorry, argh I don't really pick up on hints or just any social cues very well." Now he's getting worked up in another sadder way.

"Benji, you're needed at the set!" one of the runners come by, running as he says so.

"It's alright Benjie...okay?" You give him a pat on the shoulder as he makes to leave, hopefully it's reassuring. "Hey you need to go right? We'll talk more about Star Wars and the convention well go to some other time."

His face momentarily lights up but he continues on somewhat downtrodden. He turns then, "I would like that, and I  _really_  am sorry Chloe..."

"Or so you already said and like I said, it's alright--you didn't know. Next time, Benji." you give him one last wave as you part ways.

Now that, was an interesting first day. You liked how some people tended to surprise you, being so different from how they first seemed. Adam not only being a charmer but he seemed like a genuinely nice guy. Benji Applebaum had seemed like an impatient, clipped, serious sort until a while ago... but you were glad that Beca had been exactly as you imagined her to be, perfect.

* * *

The rest of the week goes by relatively slow and thankfully without a hitch as you distance yourself away from all things _The Voice_ -related. You resume the normal lifestyle.

But normalcy came with a price, you had to resort to the next best thing being away from Beca- you resort to your long-time hobby of Beca-watching, keeping tabs on her current activities, her whereabouts. Somehow, it didn't really seem enough, now that you'd seen the real, living, breathing thing. (and thank goodness that you're on an official break from work anyways)

Had it really been almost a week ago when you were face to face with the object of your obsession? The whole interaction between the two of you had seemed like something from a dream.

_Note to self:_ Make sure to change some of the details to something more romantic-to anything _other_ than outside a bathroom stall for when you recount the story to yours and Beca's kids in the future.

But you couldn't deny it, you had  _clicked. S_ he seemed to genuinely like you, you can tell. Well, just enough from the little that you had said to each other in the limited amount of time. Why be surprised though, Beca was always a very sociable friendly person.  _Another thing you had in common._

The media doesn't disappoint, you see her everywhere-and currently right now on your television. Beca's been in the news more often as of late, though you tended to blur out the reason as to why: her engagement to longtime on and off again boyfriend Jesse- _freaking_  -Swanson

Whatever. Engaged didn't mean married, not just yet, not if you had anything to say about it. You'll see. She'll be yours soon.

"Soon Babe, soon." you say, your face inches away from hers as it should rightfully be. You're interrupted out of your conversation with Beca when Aubrey gets in.

"Chloe, you better not be talking to the television set again, and I swear if I catch you making out with it one more time..." Aubrey says as she sets down her suitcase and some groceries that she picked up on the way home from work.

"Okay, that was just the  _one_  time-" _that Aubrey had seen. She didn't need to know about the others._

"I honestly don't know what you see in her..." You inwardly sigh as several thoughts went through your head like _Why must you always defend yourself, and seriously, was she blind and lastly patience, Chloe. You know Aubrey was always more snarky when tired._

"She's perfect. She's really funny, she's beautiful-a good conversationalist..." You just barely glance at Aubrey too preoccupied with watching Beca's interview where she's all out grinning, you remember that particular smile of hers, you remember that smile being directed at you-you can't help but grin in return.

"So are most  _normal_  people..." Aubrey says as she settles down on the couch after ridding herself of her coat and shoes.

You are shot straight out of your happy place-"Are you trying to say she's  _not_  normal or something?"

"I  _meant..._  like a regular person, a non-celebrity, though she does use  _too_ much eye make-up much more than a  _normal_ person really needs and those... those piercings what is she some goth-emo-hard edged chick? Also she seems a bit cocky."  _You done, you done now..._

"She's actually not like that at all, she's really nice!"  _You try not to get to defensive when talking about Beca to Aubrey, she just didn't understand._

"And you know this personally, do you?" Aubrey fires at you, her eyes glinting knowing full well what she's doing, knowing this is what the witnesses on the stand experience when lawyer Aubrey Posen questions them during court hearings, were they are put in their place and the opposing counselors suitably intimidated. But you've been friends a long time andyou actually know how to put Aubrey in her place by now, but only when the situation calls for it, of course.

"Yeah, we've actually already met...had an actual conversation together... the two of us, alone..." You say this off-handly

She looks impressed for a second, you can tell she wants to ask the how and the why- but she doesn't miss a beat.

"So-did she put a restraining order on you yet? I mean, you were probably standing there with your tongue hanging out or worse, went all energizer-bunny and you were all-over her. I won't put thatone past you, I've seen you do some  _pretty_ crazy stuff when it comes to Beca."

"You always exaggerate-I'm not  _that c_ razy..."

"Oh really, remember that one time when you almost maxed out your card to buy one of her signed Broadway posters from when she was a kid just starting out? You went and found it on ebay and ended up having to borrow money... from your _mother_. You never do that."

"I had saved up for that. There are only three of those out there Aubrey, and the one who posted it had set a deadline for the bidding and it was a sure thing, till he or she decided to extend it another day and so more people started bidding higher for it. I just _had_  to have it alright...it's the crowning piece in my collection."

She rolls her eyes at that, "What about just a few weeks ago, you almost tore the hand of one of those girls to get the last Beca Mitchell earphones?"

"I'd been waiting in line for them for hours, Bree." you whine at her, begging for her to understand.

"Yeah I was there too, you practically dragged me to the shop at the crack of dawn...I don't get it, who in the right mind would line up for earphones, oh wait..." She's doing the whole amused best-friend thing. No, more like the older sister thing, now mercilessly teasing.

"I'm not that over the top, and I had gotten my hands on them first and they were the last in the color I liked, it was navy blue the same color of Beca's eyes."  _People didn't really know it for sure, that Beca had blue eyes- they were a dark shade almost black, till they were up close...and you, had gotten that close._

"What am I to do with you, Chlo-how can I cure you?"

"You don't need to say that just because you don't get it, I don't hate on the things you like..." you act exactly like the younger sister,  _all petulant._

"I'm just saying Chloe-you know I love you-" Aubrey wisely backtracks knowing she hit a nerve,"- but it's really unhealthy having someone in that high a regard... she's practically on top of a pedestal. I don't want you to get hurt with unreal expectations, just take it easy alright?" She holds your hand now soothing you, you heave a sigh in release of all the negative energy.

Things are silent for a while as you both watch the screen no longer on Beca Mitchell.

"-So just keep it in your pants, okay. Don't start humping her or anything."

"Bree!" you shout astounded as she just giggles, getting away from you and the couch pillow you throw at her as fast as she can.

You'll deal with her later. For now, there are more pressing concerns as you begin to count down the days until the cast photo-shoot, knowing all of the the judges will  _definitely_  be there.

* * *

Up next: The Voice Photo Shoot with the Coaches and other familiar contestants (The rest of the Barden Bellas, Trebles and many more.)

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of Bechloe but the next chap willl be up soon and that one's loaded with it.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Photo shoot with The Voice contestants and their coaches. Time for Chloe to meet the people who'll accompany her on her whirlwind of a reality t.v. show journey. All of them competition, some more friendly than others.

You come up with the Best Song Ever. No not  _that_  one, not One Direction's, yours is called "Today I'm going to see Beca today."

It's rather good it goes like this.

_Today I'm going to see Beca today...and if I could get my way...with me she'd always stay...don't care if I evah get paid...with her by my side I got it made...and pretty soon I'll be getting laid_

Hmm it's more like a rap when you think about it.

Well that's what you got so far but so far so good, not that it would sell records or anything...but hey it's between you and your trusty shower head and maybe Aubrey if she's  _even_  awake yet. Which is new she usually gets up earlier than you. But you are up and awake, buzzed and excited and why? Because... _Today I'm going to see Beca today_ and you launch into the song again.

Oooh nothing like a nice shower singing session to start of the day.

You step out of the shower, step into your robe, open the door ... and jump nearly ten feet in the air as you come face to face with Aubrey glaring at you.

Oh God she's really  _scary_  right now, her eyes red, her face pale. Oh yeah. You remember that she had been working hard on a case the whole night long, and you had just woken her up.

"Sorry." you say and give her a kiss on the cheek, you see that she's just really tired. She rolls her eyes at you but smiles, "With her by my side I got it made, I'll be getting laid? My, my, Chloe you never showed this side of you in Barden. So you're a rapper now, will you become Chloswizz-huh... I actually can't think of a rapper name for you. "

"I think there's this thing online, a rapper name generator..."  _You've heard of it not that you've ever used it. Not really...maybe once._

"Just tell me what your rapper name is Chloe." _She'_ _s good, real good-Aubrey has learned to read your thoughts._

"Fine. It's Sling Chloe C Chill or Chloe C Goddess a.k.a. Delicious Silk... I quite liked Chloe Angel Mix-I thought it'd sound cooler but-" Aubrey snorts before shaking her head.

"That's _hilarious_. Oh my aca-god. You are such a dork searching up your rapper name..." She's full out laughing at you and okay you don't care that you woke her up anymore since apparently she's all better now. You never were comfortable being the but of a joke, or just being laughed at.

You brace your shoulders not willing to be outdone.

"Whatever-I think you would too if you'd known about it before, anyhow I think mine's still cooler than yours would ever be."

Well it is kinda funny how you two still act like this, like the children you were when you first met. You've know Aubrey ever since you were 9 years old. She's more your sister than an actual friend, and with it comes the ever-present desire to one up the other

"It would not!" she scoffs, "Mine will obviously be better than yours-" You both stare each other down for a second before you move... racing- trying to get to each of your laptops first, tripping, yanking at each others shirts in the process.

You open your mac and type in My Rap Name Generator and quickly enter Aubrey's name and her initial and click female rapper name. Crossing your fingers and hoping hers sucks, or sucks much worse than yours. You glance at her seeing if her laptop is loading faster. Yours wins.Your MacBook Air is far superior to hers.

"Now  _this_  one's good Aubrey P Quickie..."

"What where is that? I can't find it-you made that one up and mine's...Baddie A Aubrey Flavor."she finishes sounding far less enthusiastic. "I think this site just comes up with terrible names in general."

"Ha, see! But I think the Aubrey P Quickie suited you best..." You say this completely straight-faced but your insides are splitting from containing your laughter, you think Aubrey is too. You both break at the same time laughter bursting out unhindered.

"Not that Chloe Goddess delicious Silk doesn't sound all kinds of wrong-" Aubrey says after recovering a little..."-speaking of wrong, Chloe aren't you supposed to be in actual clothes?Why do you insist on parading around the house barely clothed."

"One, I just got out of the shower and two, it's nothing you haven't seen before, Bree"

"Well you'll get sick just get ready okay and let me sleep, keep the volume down low next time you feel like bursting into song or getting down with it, okay?"

"Rest in peace!" Aubrey looks horrified"-I meant... well you know what I mean, rest, sleep-have peaceful good dreams." You hurry to your room and head straight to your closet to hunt for an outfit. You were aiming to dress to impress Beca. She would have only the best, your best.

"Watch out Beca Mitchell." You say as you place a blue dress against yourself, smiling at your reflection in the mirror and liking what you're seeing. You're fairly confident she will too.

* * *

Culver City, the Voice Studios Lot. Photo Shoot of the Coaches with their team of artists.

You are standing in line for the buffet table, the whole place is busy with people scrambling around trying to get the perfect lighting, angling cameras, others the hair and make-up team doing what they do best-applying make-up and dressing up the contestant's hair.

It's early so the coaches aren't there yet, you think they're coming in towards the end of the shoot. Adam's people and Benji told you how to get there and where to wait.

It's lunch and so you and the rest of the contestants, artists, (whatever you guys are called) are left to your own devices--most of you are milling about. You suppose you're meant to socialize and get to talking or something. So you scan the room looking for someone to chat with. There are a lot of you- with 12 for each team at the start, you can't really recall all their names, well maybe just a couple of them.

Let's see... there's this girl named Patricia but she insisted her nickname was Fat Amy she was to your surprise, in Blake Shelton's team. You liked her, she was funny and a bit out there but you could see her and you getting along. And because she said you were alright, for a red head twig bitch. _Her_ _words not yours._

Cynthia Rose had a powerful voice. You witnessed it firsthand since you were with her that first Audition-she nods at you in recognition when you offer a friendly smile but she's busy checking some other girl's ass.

_Hello_  sapphic sister.

You think the owner of the said ass was Team Beca's Stacie.

Stacie was flirting with some Indian dude, you think his name is Donald. Along with him are a couple of other guys all in team Usher. There's the really annoying, self-obsessed Bumper Allan. (You wish you could forget him, but it's hard as he tends to announce his presence whenever he enters a room _)_ a man called Unicycle, and a Brit named Luke.  _you admit he's cute but whatever, so no deal._

You are chatting with a couple of the girls Kori, Ashley and Mary Elise who are team Adam as well when there is a excited buzz coming from the entrance of the Photo Shoot area. You crane your neck hoping to catch a glance at whoever it is, sure it would be one of the judges, but you are disappointed when it's only Carson Daly followed by some social media respondent.

You guys are asked to get "cleaned-up" after eating in order for everyone to get in some test shots without the coaches.

You make your way to one of the tents and have your hair and make-up retouched by this girl, Lily. You weren't actually sure what she wanted most of the time, she tended to speak in a very soft voice. You wanted to lean forward to catch whatever she was saying but you somehow got the feeling she was whispering  _scary scary_  things. So, better not.

You let out a sigh of relief when she finishes, though it took you while to realize she was in fact done. Thank goodness that you got through  _that_  mercifully unscathed. The whole time while she was working on you there was an almost dead silence-she poked and prodded and brandished her make-up brushes and palettes. You seriously felt like you experienced the equivalent of some kind of a Japanese Horror Film but a _silent one?_

_You gotta admit. She made you look really good._

"I look hot." You say, pleased. You do a little dance completely shaking your money maker, you give a quick twirl-and one second ago there was no one else, Lily had left pretty quickly without saying a word(nothing new)-besides you and the mirror, the next there stood Beca Mitchell smiling that big amused smile at you, "That you do, Chloe."

You feel your heart hammering wildly, surprised at her presence.

"Uh-uh. "  _speak you imbecile, what is it about her that makes you such a sputtering mess?_

"Are you done with the mirror cos I'm next." you turn beet red. _She probably thinks you're a self-loving, vain, bimbo of a woman._

You give her a nod before you turn to leave because words have left you for good- _Lily has rubbed off on you_ , okay all that work to look good and you bombed it.  _Good job, Chloe._

"Okay later you gotta show me more of those dance moves, for when I might need to practice in front of the mirror." Your heart jumps when your eyes meet as you look back at her looking at you through the lighted mirror with an apologetic smile-it's all there in her expression that she regrets making you feel embarrassed _yet again._

"Later..." you say feeling a tad lighter. She nods, her smile growing wider.

You bite back your goofy smile. All is still right in the world.

* * *

Okay you didn't realize smiling, posing, or just standing there could be so tiring.

Everyone gets in a couple of group shots, then afterwards moving on to solo shots and as the rest of the coaches file in, your turn comes up just as _Beca_  stepped out from one of the tents.

Okay, she's going to be watching this...channel sexy, channel sophisticated, channel I'm-more-than-worth-it-so-you-can-leave-your-fiancee-likerightnow.

"Nice one Chloe, hold it! Hold that pose-give me smoldering eyes. Work those baby blues!" Tommy the photographer is saying, encouraging you. He sounds like something straight out of those movies complete with the faux European accent. His assistant, Justin, is the one doing most of the work scrambling every which way adjusting things, moving the reflector, positioning you and such. You are really working it, you think, evident through the impressed looks on some of the boys' faces. But Beca seems distracted, not at all paying attention to you, checking her phone every other time.

"Finito! Okay next." He finally concludes. But there's still the ones with the Judges, and the one with the coaches and their team members. You stand with Adam and the rest of the team.

"That's a wrap everybody!" Mr. Mitchell _,_ one of the Executive Producers, says.  _And thank goodness you are done, it's already four pm!  
_

"-but please stay for some announcements" he continues as the people who had started preparing to leave; gathering their things and packing up and such, groan and settle back down.

You are texting Aubrey a quick update of the days events when-

"Hey wait. Are you done for the day? Let's get out of here." Beca whispers all conspiring.

She offers her hand and you can't really form the No-when she is pulling you. She then tells you to meet her out front nudging you towards the back exit as she makes her way to the entrance waltzing right through the middle of everyone- you hear the Executive Producer call out "Miss Mitchell, what is it that you think you are doing?"

"I'm leaving, I'm feeling really sick-but it's really none of your business anymore, Dad."

No one else tries to stop her, you stand there a little shocked. How did you not put that together, Cameron _Mitchell--_ Beca  _Mitchell._

You recover though, and edge your way out sneakily grabbing your things. All the while in your head the Mission Impossible theme song is playing

_tinunu, tinunu_ -ten ten ten teneen ten ten ten tene 

( A/N sorry if this is weird that's kinda of how it sounds in my head but you all know it so just go with it)

You think Lily saw you leaving and gave you a wink, but you're not quite certain.

You see the clearing ahead when a noise nearby makes you jump again, your heart speeding up wildly. _This was happening way to often, a girl could only take so much in a day._

"Chloe-over here." the noise says. You guess Beca had opted to meet you here instead. Man was she fast.

"How'd you-get here so fast?"

"Years of practice...C'mon hurry."

"Here follow me." She's once again holding your hand,  _hands cupped not interlaced but it will do for the time being_  then you are both running towards the carpark, giggling hysterically the whole way.

You see paparazzi camping out by her car(a 1969 Ferrari Dino 246 GT)  _you remember Beca likes the classics_  - but she stops for a moment to consider her options, to find a way to skillfully avoid them. She quickly takes out her cell, dials a number and proceeds to talk on her cell for a few seconds. Not too long after a less conspicuous car drives up. The driver in a practiced manner slides out through the passenger door opposite his seat-he then smiles fondly at Beca- "Take it easy, Miss Mitchell." he quickly hands her the keys and walks away. "Will do, Hank, thanks." she says calling out to him before she steps around the car.

"I think we've had enough pictures for the day, don't you? Please step in madam." Beca says, gesturing for you to step in. She goes as far as to hold out the door for you, and giving you a mock bow, chortling to herself the whole time.

"Thank you, kind Madame..." you curtsy before you enter then get comfortable inside.

"So since we'll apparently be going on a road trip, just because I feel like it-we need good road trip music. What tunes do you want to listen too?" she says visibly relaxed, once she successfully gets past the "danger zone"

You turn to her radio to make the choice for you.

'She Will Be Loved' is Playing. You're wondering if the rest of Team Adam is looking for you, wondering how you just disappeared into thin air...but maybe they wouldn't notice.

_I drove for miles and miles and wound up at your door_

Very fitting, this song plays as she drives you. You couldn't quite decide so you just hand her your iPod and put it on shuffle, not exactly the most epic song choice for a "road trip" but you aren't complaining.

_I've had you so many times but somehow I want more_

_I don't mind spending every day_  
_Out on your corner in the pouring rain_  
_Look for the girl with the broken smile_  
_Ask her if she wants to stay awhile_  
_And she will be loved_  
_And she will be love_

 And you don't know where she'll take you but you know that you would follow her anywhere, wherever she wanted to take you ... even to the ends of the earth.

* * *

Up Next: Chloe and Beca alone again and on the road, getting to know each other time .

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Authors Note: Lemme know what you thought of this chapter-sorry if I confused everyone with all the characters being in the competition, I just didn't see how I could showcase all the awesome personalities if I kept them in Chloe's Barden past. So here's how it is basically since Beca never went to Barden, then the Bellas we know didn't exist. Aubrey and Chloe as I said earlier go way back hence them knowing each other not only in college but way before.
> 
> So yeah, if I didn't explain it very well I'm sorry.  
> And also if you felt like there weren't enough bechloe interactions here. I agree. Never fear the next chap will have plenty


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bechloe getting to know each other while driving through lala land

Roadtrip huh, more like a mini-road trip or just a whole day exploring the town...you don't really care. Any amount of time no matter how long or short, any chance that you get to share with Beca is more than fine with you.

At the start though you'd let your imagination run away with you...What did you think that you'd drive off into the horizon, that somehow she already felt something for you and she was willing to sacrifice everything for you, even leave her career and you'd escape to some far off distant land and live together away from it all... surviving only on your love for each other? A beautiful picture right, _truly believable._

_Yeah, you did believe for a second there admit it._

It takes all but seventeen minutes to get from Culver City to the City of Angels

Of course Beca wouldn't take you very far, she just wanted the rest of the day off and she'd found someone to distract her in you.

You appreciate Beca showing you around, you've never seen this side of the La la land before. (You avoid the typical tourist attractions cause that would just be disastrous.) It was the drive itself that had been special, with the two of you belting out to some really fitting classic drive songs Duran Duran's "Drive By," Sheryl Crow's "All I Wanna Do" and more.

Sometimes it's not the where but who you're with getting there.

You think the entire day is just full of happy, light, fun times,

One particular experience when you stop for food at a Burger King drive thru is truly _hilariou_ s.

Beca gives out both your orders, an Angry Whopper for you, and a Double Cheeseburger for her.

When she drives up to pick up the order, the lady behind the glass practically screams, "Holy Lord, it's Beca Mitchell-" going into hysterics, "Beca Mitchell is at my drve-thru window...Lord be praised!

"Tina,  _T_ _ina_  come check out...Miss Mitchell, I'm a huge fan..." her hands shake as she teaches over to touch Beca. You're actually afraid she'll faint, the woman's overwhelmed by Beca's very presence.  _Y_ _ou know the feeling._

Beca puts her finger to her lips. The server, Leigh, nods understandingly getting a hold of herself-glad to favor  _the_ Beca Mitchell.

All the while Beca is glancing around maybe hoping that some paparazzo who had sonic hearing who maybe  _wasn't_ deaf yet-hadn't been alerted and hopefully, by the time word  _does_  eventually get out- that she will be long gone and they won't find her there.

Someone comes, presumably Tina and she too starts screaming.

"Beca, can I get a picture-no, no wait I need to call Shay...she is  _so_  gonna flip! It was supposed to be her shift tonight" She's on the phone in a second jabbering away to Shay about her regretting choosing to stay home sick  _today of all days_  for the rest of her life.

Word has spread quickly and there are  _a lot_ of people swarming by the drivethrough window. You wonder idly, who's left serving the one's dining inside.

All the while Beca is charming and polite agreeing to many favors, talking to Shay saying that she was sorry she missed work and to get better soon - _here you inwardly swoon-_ as well as giving out her autograph to almost all twenty servers-here the ladies scrambled for any blank surface for her to sign on; papers, tissues till they settled on some of the empty cups, another lady gets out her own Beca Mitchell poster.

_What- does she just go around carrying that poster- just in case?_

They almost went ballistic when they  _forgot_ they needed a pen as well for that kind of thing and with all the hustle and bustle of looking for papers the pens had gone missing.

You have one to offer, saving the day as they all grab for the pen- that's the only time out of the whole full eight and a half minutes that they notice you, giving you curious stares wondering what exactly your association with Beca was. Maybe even wondering if you  _too_ are famous.

Well you aren't... at least, not yet. The first few Voice Auditions footage had already gone out but others wouldn't be coming out till next week, yours probably the week after that.

It's even sillier still as they all try to stretch out of the window to get a picture taken with Beca. They finally just squeeze themselves by the window and they face you as you take their picture together with Beca who had quickly climbed out of the car for it and just as quickly got back in.

Now even the customers are gathering around the car, there are cars starting to beep behind you guys.

You've now seen first-hand how much a commotion Beca can single-handedly cause.

__Okay people settle down, there are other customers._ Jeez, she's a normal person like everyone of you._  _B_ _ut come on give them a break, if it were you just last week and Beca had just rolled up to your window out of the blue you'd have done the same thing. No, you wouldn't have had the self-control, you'd have tackled her. Man Aubrey was right, you are crazy._

"Okay ladies, sorry but I gotta go-it usually takes the paparazzi less thanten minutes to hear about where I am and five more minutes to actually find me... It was nice meeting you all. Have a nice day. Thanks for the extra fries Leigh! "she screams over her shoulder as she finally pulls out of the drive-thru.

_"_ Is it usually  _that_  bad?"

"Are you kidding me this is tame compared to what I normally run into, I can't even go into a bathroom without getting swarmed. They were nice though, they didn't call the paparazzi on me." she says looking at you from over her sunglasses that have slipped a bit, her nose a little shiny.

It was weird... but you think you liked her most like this-looking almost ordinary- make-up free, her hair wild blowing freely in the wind her face unguarded, but just like many Hollywood beauties even at her worst she would still be so heart-stoppingly gorgeous.

* * *

The California sun has been bright but not obtrusive throughought the afternoon. But now, its a beautiful orange signaling the closing of a day, a long, beautiful, magical day with the girl of your dreams.

You continue from where you left off with the game you were playing earlier but she changes up the rules a bit. A while ago you were asking each other basic things favorite colors (yours: blue and red, hers: blue and black), favorite rap song (yours: "Gangster's Paradise" by Coolio. hers: Get it Together by the Beastie Boys) food (yours: Anything sweet, hers: Anything taco Bell) and guessing each other's answer but that was too easy. She says-  _probably being a sore-loser since you were winning-_  that you most probably read some off the stuff about her which you denied vehemently though it was the truth.

It's your turn to ask the questions. You get five each and it's supposed to be rapid fire type, and obviously you aren't suppose to stop and think about your answers but Beca is being difficult.

"Favorite Dog Cartoon? "

"Where do you get your questions, do you just randomly pull it out from some imaginary hat?"

"Who is it?"

"ah...The big red dog, Clifford?"

"Aw, mine's Lady-and the Tramp. No... the whole 101 Dalmations!"

"You and Disney huh, couldn't have guessed that one." Beca says, her tone sarcastic, her expression deadpan.

"Okay next one, favorite one liner from a movie?"

"Why are your questions  _so_  hard?"

"What- it's movie lines Beca, how can  _that_  be hard?"

"It  _is,_  when you don't watch them!"

"What? You don't watch...movies? That well that's-different." _How come you didn't know this about her, you thought you knew everything._

"You don't think it's weird?"

"Your words not mine- isn't-"  _your boyfr-...your fiance...your pers._.."-Jesse- doesn't he do movie soundtracks?"

"Sure I listen to them, I happen to be a very supportive girlfriend, but I can't stand movies...I just get bored halfway through, no..I'm lucky if I even get that far but I try for him, really I do- cos that guys such a movie nut." She's not looking thankfully when you roll your eyes at the end of her sentence. You can't let go-can't get over this new factoid just yet.

"But you've starred in movies-and don't you go to premiers?"

"Yes, and yes. I can work with the whole acting, film-making aspect of it but sitting  _through one_  is another matter...I can survive one when it's required but I don't need to like it."

"Well mine's... 'Our love is like the wind you can't see it but you can feel it.' "

"That sounds lame-" you're almost offended if Beca didn't have that softly teasing tone.

"It's from one of my favorite movies..."

"A Walk to Remember? Don't look so surprised I may not watch romantic films but I am aware of them and their sappy corny lines. Wait, there's one I  _remember_..." her eyebrows are wriggling. Funny. A walk to remember...remember _-you get what she did there._

"What?"

"Ma, the meatloaf!"

"Wedding Crashers huh?"

"Will Farell is genius I tell ya-I'm not completely opposed to fun, smart... okay not-so-smart comedies. I don't fall asleep as much when I'm laughing every other second."

"Noted...Okay, moving on Favorite Nsync member?" you ask Beca trying to get a rise out of her.

"You did not just ask me that." her face is almost pained, like she can't believe you even thought of her as  _that_  kind of girl

"Answers only."

"What made you think I even  _liked_ Nsync or any Boyband for that matter?"

"It's almost impossible for any girl to  _not_  like one of them-there were so many of them Backstreet Boys, New Kids on the Block, Boyzone, no wait you liked the Brits Take That!"

"Oh God I think I just lost my respect for you.." You simply raise you eyebrow at her "-argh fine, it was Lance. JT had everything going for him of course, but when I met them Lance was the sweet one- the least egotistical one. Well he was the only one who didn't try to get me to go out on a date with him and now I know why."

"Oh poor you, were you heart broken when you found out he played for his own team?" You say winking at her

"No-like I said I was never obsessed as some girls were-well  _still are_  about a group of boys singing together-"

"You gotta admit the One Directioners are pretty cute and talented, and their songs are really catchy, hey can we play their song Best Song Ever?"

You can't help thinking about your own song, but that song won't be on the radio anytime soon-won't be heard by anyone's ears but your own and Aubrey's.

"Aren't they being presumptuous. Who names their song the Best Song Ever... I don't regret that I don't have that song-"

"Then it's a good thing we're using  _my_ ipod..." Their song is near the top of the most Recently played list the rest are all Beca's DJ Mitchell mixes.

"Argh kill me now-" she gives in but as the song progresses you notice her bobbing her head a couple of times and later on she's even mouthing the words you can tell she's trying to stop herself, but she can't help it

"Ha! You've fallen into the One Direction trap!" you say after she mouths her way through the entire chorus her hands tapping the beat into the steering wheel.

"It  _is_  I admit quite catchy, in radio terms those kinds of tracks are what they call "sticky" the kind that you may not like, but after hearing it over and over again it just sticks in your mind and you can't help not singing along later on, it's a curse-like when "Call Me Maybe" came out, I wanted to shoot myself whenever I sang along."

"Isn't it just the Best Song Ever?"

"I hate you.."

"You hate the song but you love me."

"Whatever...okay ask me another Chloe Beale random question, like my favorite ear piercing or tattoo or something..."

"Ooh that's interesting we can go with that!"

"I was just saying things off the top of my head"

"Chloe..."

" _Beca_..."

"fine...my bug tattoo."

"Hey I have one too, mine's a ladybug! Why do you like it best?"

She's shaking her head at you good-humoredly" You're like my little brother Ben with all his, 'Why this, why that'."

"I'm curious about a lot of things. You don't get answers or just anything if you don't try asking for them."

"I don't doubt that, you being able to get whatever you want."

"Oh you have  _no idea-_ what I can get-"  _who I can get, "_  -when I put my mind to it. "

* * *

You are content to stay in this car, cruising with her forever.

The places you've seen along the way were very magical and special. Where she takes you at the end of the day-  _the California sun is gone, the moon's a full one_  -however is...dodgy at best..from all you can see- it's a dark alley way.

"We are here"- she says. You gape at her as she parks the car and then kills the engine.  _okay she's serious, you do hope that you are in for a pleasant surprise and not some scene from a date gone horribly wrong slasher kind of movie._

Come on it's Beca _,_ you are _totally_ safe _._

"Okay, I know this line is overused, but did you take me here to kill me?" Like you said, doesn't hurt to ask.

"It may be a little secluded. Okay, maybe a lot secluded." she says taking note of the scoff of disbelief you make, the expression you have on your face "-but I sorta need the privacy sometimes, you know?"

You slowly nod. She shifts from one foot to the other then scratches at her nose,

"Also sorry about dragging you along, seemed like a good idea at the time and I only now realized that someone might've been missing you, looking for you. We've been gone for quite a while, but hey we've been having fun right..." she glances at you questioningly, you shrug playfully. "And we're here now... And I wanted to show you something."

She's leading you to the back door of some building, she takes out a key and unlocks it. She turns on a light inside-what good it did, all it does is cast eerie shadows around the parts not quite lighted inside the building.

She motions for you to step inside, and you do so no matter how hesitant you may be, Beca gives you a reassuring smile-it gets your heart pumping in a better way. There's not a lot of space- it's a pretty narrow hallway-so much that she has to reach over you to lock the door again, you back up against the wall try to give her as much space as possible but her body still has to press, drape across yours for a moment.

In the semi-darkness your senses are more alive. Everything about her invading your senses, you feel her hair brushing your skin, you breathe in her scent -vanilla mixed with a spicy scent a kick of cinnamon  _delicious_  , and she does look it. Your heart is thudding with sheer want. Her eyes are just glowing, piercing you.

You are suspended in this one moment, time stands still with you but for her it all moves along at a normal speed, completely oblivious and immune to that magical moment. She quickly locks the door back from the inside, the noise echoes all around.

You gulp, not any less scary.

"Do you usually act out like this, go all crazy, take random girls you barely know out on a secret getaways-" she's chuckling to herself, you don't know why but you can't help feeling like you're missing out on something.

All the while Beca's leading the way, you follow her up some narrow flights of stairs( _you think it's the fire exit_ ,)into an old fashioned freight elevator, which  _looks_  stable enough. They did use these things for cars and what not. She pushes some buttons and you head up..to the tippity top. It's only the Fifth floor, you think those are candles waiting at the entrance as soon as you get of.

"-is this for some cult thing are you into that kind of thing? " With that out of your mouth she laughs even harder, a while ago her laughter was soothing making you feel warm all over, delicious almost like melted chocolate.

But this time its a full out belly-laugh, it echoes around doing nothing to soothe your already tightly-wounded nerves.

She recovers quickly when you remain serious, and somewhat scared.

"No, not the cult thing and no girls,  _really_  but hey you're the exception Chloe. I'd like to think that we do know each other in a deep sense-but please, I mean while we're here we can still work on that..." She goes into another room you think it has a fuse box because a moment later, the whole room is lighted, and it's not the scary torture chamber that you'd imagined or even some scientist's lab or just an empty room filled with crates- it's a recording studio, and a pretty kick-ass one at that, wall to wall with musical instruments, recording equipment and such.

Wow  _this_  was a musicians dream crib, everywhere you look is just W-o-w one side has all the equipment- the other side's a make-shift apartment complete with kitchen, dining area-a living room complete with a comfy plush sofa and television set.

"Okay...wow-this is wow," you fail to find an appropriate word and settle for- "impressive"

"Thanks, I've been going here to record as long as I can remember and I recently had it renovated. I gotta admit I splurged on this a little bit, more like a lot. This place means the world to me...a lot of my songs' inspiration happened right here and I wanna share that. I'm hoping to make this  _the_ place... open to young musicians- all kinds talents who want to start out but who haven't quite caught the right break. Preferably kids, troubled teens who use music as a channel, an outlet for self-expression.

"That's just beautiful, you're perfect."  _Shit you did not just say that out loud._

"Oh it's nothing."she says, taking the compliment in stride,  _like it's nothing_ , but you say it with far more conviction... meaning it more than anyone who had ever said it to her, "-music has given me so much I want to do the same, maybe do little good and help others"

If you meant it then, you mean it even more now,

You both are silent for a bit, it's not an _awkward_  silence, you don't feel the pressure to talk. You realize that somewhere along the way, you've grown comfortable around each other.

When she does start talking it's not for the sake of just talking-she seems really really interested in you-your life, its flattering... is this the kind of treatment that all the contestants get?

"So you go ahead, tell me other things about yourself something you didn't tell me already." All the while dusting off some chairs for both of you to sit on which she pats for you to do so.

"I go to Barden, I mean I went there, I actually just graduated from graduate school." She's walking to some closets at the end of the hall, opening the fridge getting some drinks and some food as well.

"Barden huh Atlanta right, _I_  was supposed to go there." She gestures to some soda or juice-you point at the soda, she takes the juice and you meet her halfway and carry the food and your drink back to the grand piano because Beca says it's so much cooler eating on top of it than any plain old table.

"Really-why didn't you, I mean what happened?" You're curious and yet you hold back not wanting to overstep wanting her to want to share these kind of things with you willingly.

"Well if my father had gotten his way, I would've been in my junior year studying something like I dunno philosophy or something useless like that."

"hmm"-is your only reply, a non-committal noise, it's safe. You've heard of the strained relationship between father and daughter, showing that no one was exempted, no one's life was without drama,

"-and I wouldn't be doing" as she motions to all her equipment "-all of this so... overall I think I made the right choice, don't you?"

"Yeah, you have every music award known to man-kind."

"But that's not it though, I never really went into it all for all of that, sure it feels good to be recognized, to get respect in such a competitive field-but it was all about me wanting to create really good music."

"What got you started, I mean everyone knows that you got your break when you got into that one Broadway show when you were just nine."

"Funnily it was my Dad-he shared his love of music with me, he introduced me to the classics. It was him who gave me my first guitar, then my Dj-ing equipment and to top it off some singing lessons-he always said I had such a big voice for such a little girl."

Beca's telling this tale about her past, opening up about something so personal,

You're sure she doesn't do it very often, baring herself to you-to  _anyone._ Sure there are  _plenty_ of Interviews about her, with her probably recounting this very same tale but to be told so in confidence, like you guys are actual "friends" it means the world to you.

You feel honored getting to see this side of her.

It's different, you think, not just looking at her-her backs turned to you bent over the mixing console fiddling with some knobs here and there-but being able to  _really_  listen to her speak. You take note of every lilt in her voice, the changes for each different emotion as she tells you things.

"I had such big dreams for myself and he never once doubted me. He said I had it in me to go far and my dream came true when I got in the show, he became my manager. He was my hero- and I worshiped him," her voice sounds wistful and happy for a moment,

but just as quickly it turns bitter, and angry .

"and then the classic tale of a man in a midlife crisis, he left my Mom and me for another woman, never once glancing back and I've cut off all relations with him ever since."

"Except that he's working with the Studios for 'The Voice'...so that must be... _hard_...for you, I mean."

"An unfortunate, irrelevant little detail-he doesn't exist for me. I don't care what he does, so he shouldn't care about what I do either. And he can't think that he can start bossing me around like some authority figure, he lost the right to all of that a long time ago. I can act professionally if he can, but if worse comes to worse between us, and the management has to choose, the management would pick me over him  _any day, if_  it came to it.

You thought you knew everything about this girl, but you realize this was the real getting to know her in all her "normal" human experiences,

"Sorry about that unwarranted outburst-I'd blame it on alcohol but there's none so- I'll just have to say it's my time of the month sooo there." 

Just as you had a hard time picturing Beyonce ever needing to do trivial things like going to the dentists etc. Imagining Beca experiencing something so normal as her period, still stunned you. 

You thought it was hard to say something to her a while ago but now you're stumped, you've been pretty speechless at times whenever you just looked at her. Right now you are almost blatantly staring, eyes wide.

She seems to realize what she just said you think she realizes that was a bit too much cos she blushes a bit, but she shakes her head at you "I'd think we're past the whole holding back with whatever thing, might as well put that out there and we've had an entire conversation- right outside a washroom I might add, on bodily functions and such before."

"Yeah..."

"So Chloe serious topic, I'll ask you while I still can-once we do get back to the city, we have to be more careful about our "talks" and also I'm the completion." She almost sounds regretful.

"Fire away."

"Do you have previous experience singing, vocal training, your own music video up on Youtube ?" her voice is business-like," -or even tried other ventures modeling perhaps?" Beca says giving off a more playful aura maybe, if you weren't imagining it, an almost flirty one.

"No, I was busy getting my education-" you answer as though for a College or a Job Interview.

"I just knew you were a smarty pants." _Really you think most of your interactions involved less talking or saying something smart and more embarrassing yourself_

"So  _nothing_  more to add- you're just a good girl. I  _must say..._  I'm quite disappointed. I thought gingers were supposed to be fiery, I'd imagined a lil more bite in you." Beca's drawl was accompanied by her trademark smirk.

"Well I do have a bit of a streak of pride, also I'm very protective to the point that I get physical when people try to harm the people closest to me. And once someone loses my trust, my respect for them- its very hard for them to gain it back." Your voice carrying conviction, trying to make Beca see how serious you are... how tough, that you have what it takes to survive in the business, that you aren't just this naive girl she penned you to be.

"And well I wasn't completely lacking of social life experiences, there  _was_  the Barden Bellas."

"Hmm I'm sure- I'm supposed to know what that means."

"It's an all-girl acapella singing group, we were practically the top of the Acapella hierarchy."

"Ah I see- so what does that entail actually no instruments...so you only make music with-"

"Our mouths." , you say completing her sentence for her.

"Yikes, so... how was that?" You think she sees you getting all worked-up, all excited about Acapella and she truly wants to understand.

"We've actually sang back-up for Prince once-and we've done covers of your songs."

"Wait a minute. Bella something... weren't you that group with the girl who upchucked during a performance?"

"Yeah. How did you-you've heard of that?"

"Well it had zillions of hits on you tube...it was so awful, but I couldn't look away. You said you were at the top of the Acapella hierarchy, I bet the person who caused that mishap regrets tarnishing your reputation-in that one incident gone is your entire Acapella credibility. I've seen some people in the business hit rock bottom and successfully comeback but that was just...gruesome." Her tone's unforgiving, judging more like a celebrity- than you've ever seen her.

_Man she was being very insensitive, like she didn't hear you just say you got protective of the people you care the most about in this case you just had to defend,_ "You know what stop right there. Aubrey, the girl who 'ruined our entire Acapella credibility' as you so colorfully put it, is my friend-my _best_  friend. So don't go throwing shade her way."

Your voice breaks but you push on raising it even more to make up for it being so unsteady. You don't know why you're getting so emotional all of a sudden.

You feel yourself pull back a bit, the feeling of annoyance, betrayal settling in so strongly- " She has this condition it only acts up whenever she's nervous she couldn't help it. She gets really pressured during our performances, and Margot our captain, wasn't really helping."

"Woah." Beca's backed away from you, her hands held up in mock surrender. She looks torn between looking surprised and fearful "-there's that fire we were talking about earlier."

"Chloe- " she says trying to get your attention you can't even look at her anymore which is new for you who usually can't get enough.

" Sorry I wasn't thinking about what I was saying. I'm sorry for being so... thoughtless." Her tone's softer, hesitant stepping through a minefield. She's saying it all good-humoredly but you can tell she's waiting for you to let her off the hook, to accept an apology she gives so rarely.

"It's... alright." you sigh 

"Wooh." it's a sigh a sound of relief, her smile gives away how anxious you made her. It melts at you-melting away anything negative that had been growing, the air clear once again.

"I just really loved that group, I gave so much to it you know? It gave  _me_  so much. Especially when it was just me and Aubrey. We never once won a championship, we were a good team-I think we could've been truly great. But it never stopped us from trying doing our best. We were true to ourselves-we continued even until we left, leaving more than capable girls to continue our legacy."

"No, I know exactly what you mean..." Her eyes are holding your gaze steadily, the room feels warmer, safer.

Of course she would. At the moment you know, that you both understand exactly what the other is saying... what they're felling. That's what attracted you to her in the first place you share, an almost spiritual love of music, the same dedication the same passion.

"So it's all good."

"All good."

* * *

You are both comfortably settled on the sofa several minutes later, the flow of conversation between you guys becoming less and less, even halting from time to time. You glance over at Beca, she's nodding off a bit-her mouth's open, you think you see drool and instead of turning you off, it thugs at your heartstrings.

Cute.

 

Figures how Beca Mitchell could make  _even_  drooling look nice.

You're yawning before you even realize it, you try cover it up...but you do it a second time. The whole day has been kinda tiring with all the feels taking so much out of you.

She jolts a bit, momentarily shaken, a burst into consciousness "Heeey. Woah. what time is it?" she glances at her watch "It's late-do you want a ride home?" her words are punctuated by her own yawns.

"Uh, it's a bit out of the way..." Your eyes are closing on their own accord

"No, it's alright. C'mon." but she makes no move to leave the couch, you don't even bother to open your eyes anymore

"Let's just stay here...for a bit."

"For a bit, night Chlo."

Beca's voice echoing is the last thing you hear before you sleep...You drift of with the comforting warmth of Beca's body curled into yours. You'll rest maybe for a few minutes that's it, no problem.

-maybe after that, a few more

* * *

A/N: that turned out far longer than I intended but once I started I couldn't quite stop. So what did you think, is that enough Bechloe for you, no of course not there's never enough Bechloe, never too much. And I'm just happy to oblige!

Up Next: The Voice Competition Battle Rounds preparations-which is still Bechloe heavy-well it is a story about them :))

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bechloe waking up together for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to ClawAtHeart for helpful suggestions and awesome feedback  
> and to Natalie for this chapter which I would never have been confident in finishing all  
> by myself :)

You awake to the busy noise of cars beeping outside-the first image that your blurred vision zeroes in on is Beca's face quite close to yours-the sunlight hitting her face just beautifully. You thought you'd need make-up to look this good after sleep, but she really is perfect.

You're sure you look like you always do before you fix-up - a total mess. Trying to look and feel good for us mere mortals never was easy, especially in the mornings when your throat is always dry and scratchy, your eyes are puffy, nose red, and your face is a little pinched up and pale. And don't even mention the hair! It's the worst. It's always all over the place and it takes forever to get your morning-Merida hair ready.

Hers on the other hand is falling and framing her face just right. You'd want to move and make yourself look nearly halfway as decent but you can't find the will, the strength to do so. You like this, this you could get used to waking up pressed into Beca Mitchell.

In the back of your mind you recall the two of you leaning closer and closer but you don't remember. You can't recall how exactly you ended up curling so tight, so close into each other. Honestly you like spooning and all, but this, with her legs entwined with yours, her arm around your waist. It's as if even your bodies know that they belong together, that they were meant to fit just right.

Go sleep deprived me, taking action, getting some...well not yet. That will have to come later, and maybe so will the both of you.

Okay, steady girl. She's asleep, so it's no use in thinking that way of her now, at least wait until she's awake...

You see her eyelids moving her fingers twitching. You wonder what she's dreaming about, you tend to dream about her all the time. Not just at night but during the day, in the afternoon, right after lunch, even when you're in the shower...you get the picture. Who knows, maybe in some alternate universe, or maybe just an alternate story, she did the same thing with you.

And sure, this was creepy watching her as she slept, but c'mon you had to take it. It might be a while till you get to do so again.

Then she almost gives a gasp. You like how the movement feels against you. Then she blinks once, twice, her expression dazed, but then she smiles at you. You venture out a "Good morning" and she gives a little contented moan as she stretches. That moan should be illegal.

Oooh, you can see her shirt riding up, revealing her toned tummy. Wait a second she's in a wife-beater. When did that happen? You're sure she was wearing her usual layers the day before... And you'd remember her stripping down. Maybe she woke up earlier, or maybe she did it in her sleep... You wish you'd been conscious for that, but what you really wish for is that you'd been the one to help her do so-but you would have probably just gotten rid of the damn top and everything else in the process.

Don't even think, do not go there. Calm, calm... But Beca looks so freaking delicious... You can't help marvelling at her glorious torso, her toned arms, her ample cleavage... Trust me, if you saw her as well you'd use the word ample. Chloe, just shut up those thoughts and enjoy the view...

Beca then curls back into you, her hand against her cheek rubbing, flexing. She reminds you of a cat- all she needs to complete the picture is to purr. You would more than like to pet her and make her purr, repeatedly... Okay, PG 13 thoughts only.

You swear, nearly awake Beca is the most adorable thing ever.

She's probably still right in between the precipice of sleep into waking. Her smile is all dreamy and relaxed, and her long eyelashes flutter, her lids closing again.

And then, like your morning greeting just registers, her eyes suddenly open, wide awake and clear. They now lock in on you and for a moment they show alarm but then the longer you stare at one another, her grin, if possible, stretches even wider. You're sure yours is just as big.

You imagine the words she'll say back. Somewhere along the lines of a good morning in return and maybe if you're lucky there'll be a beautiful thrown in at the end there, but "Shit" is what comes out of her mouth.

Before you know it she's flying out of the makeshift bed.

Okay? Did you really look  _that_  bad?

"Chloe. Chloe I'm sorry. We were supposed to have a quick nap, not end up sleeping here. How are you not panicking? Just look at the time! Don't you have somewhere to be?"

"Uh...Well no, it's okay"

"Really? No one's worried about you a boyfriend? A fiancée? Perhaps a pet cat?"

It's amusing how you've discussed a lot of things but you've never really quite touched on that aspect of yourself-you didn't want to shock her or reveal anything about your sexuality until the right time, but you really do want her to know.

Maybe it's the right time to test out her reaction now. Here goes nothing. "Well, there is an Aubrey, but she's pretty busy herself these days, so I don't think she will have noticed." This is it. You're wondering just how she'll react.

She doesn't even bat an eyelash. "Okay, Aubrey then. Is she your partner, and what's got her so busy that she's neglecting you?"

"Really, partner? No she's my best friend. She's an associate lawyer for a prestigious firm. They've got this big case coming up." Is it just you, or does she look relieved. Okay maybe it is just you.

"Okay then. Well I was just worried about you. Maybe someone thought that you'd been kidnapped or something."

"I think it more likely that people pin that kind of thing on me. I can just imagine the headlines 'Crazed Obsessed Fan Kidnaps Famous Star Beca Mitchell with Plans to Turn Her into Her Own Personal Sex-Slave'... or something like that."

You did not just say that aloud. You should have just kept that single thought to yourself, locked in your dirty fantasies forever. This is one of those moments you allowed your mouth to run far, far away from you.

You should've really listened to your own advice and kept your mouth shut. You should probably get your mind out of the gutter as well.

But before either of you can acknowledge what you just said, something, presumably her phone, starts buzzing. So that's what that was. You thought it was just you, that you were imagining things. You really didn't want anything distracting you while you were up-close Beca-watching. Yeah, you think that if you were her you'd be scared to be alone in a room with you as well.

She's scrambling, picking through her things and then she finally pulls out her phone. "Oh darn. Uh shit! I had that thing with- Oh God, uh Hello! Jesse...I'm at... Yes, with a friend...No, it's okay... I know that I should've called-" You notice that she's still looking pretty flushed.

You would usually try reading into that, but you really don't want to hear this. Her real life calling, as if yesterday hadn't happened. Well yesterday obviously meant a lot to you, maybe a preview of what sharing life with Beca would be like.

You are getting way ahead of yourself here, but you've heard of the great power of positive thinking, willing the good things to happen to you- the Power of The Secret

But you''re pretty sure it's all one sided. To her, it was just a getaway with a new potential best friend.

While she's talking, you start gathering your own things. Fixing and plumping things here and there, so that you won't be standing idly by. No way do you want to be accused of eavesdropping.

You try to block out everything about her conversation with Jesse, but you distinctly hear him say "Okay, see you. I love you," and at that moment you decide to look up from about the third time of dusting off the sofa and you just so happen to catch her eye. When she's about to answer, Beca smiles at you before she says "I love you too." You can't help it. Your heart clenches. If only it were really directed to you.

You excuse yourself, you need to get away. Beca shows you to the washroom, where you proceed to get cleaned up –you throw cold water on your face to cool off. Afterwards, while you're drying your face, looking at yourself in the mirror, you realize that you're in this much further than you thought possible. You can tell just by how strongly you reacted to what she said, and it wasn't even meant for you.  
But you wanted it to be real... You wanted it so, _so_  bad.

You can't believe that you are allowing yourself to hope this much. It's crazy and it's wrong. Beca's in love with her boyfriend- correction her fiancée. She just said so. Just because you were spending time with each other, it didn't mean that there was a chance of her ever feeling the same.

You finally step out when you deem yourself halfway decent and see Beca just finishing with cleaning up.

"Hey uh, Chloe I have to get going somewhere, so uh I'm calling one of the on-call The Voice drivers to pick you up take you wherever you need to go."

"What about you?"

"I have my own personal driver to pick me up. Jesse is on his way here. He won't take too long, as he's actually around the area."  
And to punctuate that point, you hear the elevator come alive and then Jesse steps out, walks up to Beca and gives her a kiss on the forehead. But then, he notices you and his expression is one of surprise, but he recovers quickly.

"Hi, uh Chloe right?" He's looking between the two of you questioningly.

"Yeah."

"So wait, this is where you went the other day when you needed a break? Cameron called me saying that you were feeling sick."

"Well I wasn't lying. I was feeling sick...of him." Jesse gives an eye roll and a mock guffaw for Beca's benefit

"So what've you two been up to?" Jesse says offering an easy smile

"We were together all day yesterday, you know. I showed her around the town. She needs to get used to it."

"Definitely-did you have a good time Chloe?"

Already, you hate that he's being so nice. You really want to hate him.

"Yeah especially when Beca brought me here last night." You say trying to get a rise out of him, get him to break his nice guy act

"You stayed the night?"

"Yeah we ended up, uh, falling asleep. I think I bored her with all my life-stories."

There's this peculiar expression on his face. Perhaps he can see through you, or maybe he knows that you want his girl. Oh shit.  
Or maybe he feels threatened...Oh yeah right. Haha.

You lean closer to Beca and she rests a hand on your arm. For a quick second you see Jesse narrowing his eyes.  
Okay, maybe you're just reading too much into things like you normally do.

You both proceed to recount the events of yesterday. You almost feel bad for Jesse when you and Beca get talking. He almost shrinks to the background.

"And there was  _the_  Beca Mitchel bobbing her head to the Best Song Ever I honestly think you've listened to it more than once since you knew most of the words"

"It's an easy song to learn, plus I'm awesome at picking up lyrics- not my fault."

"I totally saw you mouthing the words to One Thing when it played right after."

"You should get your eyes checked 'cos you were definitely seeing things-"

"I know what I saw Beca Mitchell, you are a closet Directioner just admit it!"

"It's so not true."

"Is "

"Is not"

"Is too!"

 _"_ It _isn't_ "

You're all out giggling now while Beca's face remains impassive, if you didn't know her well enough you'd think she was seriously annoyed,

But you do sort of know her by now-you can read her tells; her twinkling eyes, her mouth twitching ready to break into a smile-is giving her away.

She opens her mouth perhaps to retort, you think she's finally on the verge of coming out of the closet, the One Directioner closet _that is_ -and you were kinda hoping for the other one as well, when Jesse cuts her off.

"Babe. Babe, sorry but we have to get going."  _Really! You were almost ready to stop hating him...no not really... how rude of him didn't his parents teach him not to interrupt when adults are talking,_

"Aw Do we really have too, we're already late for the meeting can't we just..."  _You go Beca show him who's boss!_

"No, we can't your Da-Cameron specifically asked me to get you to go...It's a full staff meeting all the heads were I mean, are there..." _Drats!_

"Fine, Chloe I've got to, you know-"

"Go? well the bathroom is just right over there you don't need to ask me" It's a last pathetic attempt at getting her to smile, you're glad when it's successful albeit you get an eyeroll as well, but you'll take it

"Goodbye Chloe" Jesse says as he leans over to you and gives you a half-hug, realizing maybe that you and Beca hanging out would be a regular occurrence now. He leans in and thanks you for taking care of Beca during her sick day. "Now I know that she'll be in safe hands whenever I'm gone."

To say you are surprised is an understatement, he practically just gave you his blessing.

Beca and Jesse makes their way over to the elevator but then she turns and tosses a set of keys to you, which you mercifully catch "What's this for?" _Oh a Key to your heart- Beca you shouldn't have!_

"It's to lock up silly rabbit, you can give them to Benji when you see him-" she steps into the elevator and the doors start closing all the while she's peering at you- her face, her eyes finding you as the gap grows smaller and smaller

"-take care of yourself Chlo," is the last thing she says to you her blue eyes the last thing you see before it proceeds to close

"You too Bex" you say not knowing is she can still hear you or not,

You watch them through one of the windows as they leave . He whispers something to her. They're playfully nudging at each other, and at one point he leans in close to her probably whispering something sweet because Beca grins like mad and she catches you watching them. She give you a little wave and Jesse too waves jovially at you and Beca playfully rolls her eyes at him. All you can do is wave dumbly back.

Hmm, what was that about? Whatever you didn't need to get their whole coupley secret exchanges.

* * *

You don't see Beca much after that. Only in between rehearsals, but when you do interact, she acts like you guys barely know each other.

So yeah, it hurts and here you thought you two were making progress. Whenever you're in the same room with each other she leaves quickly and heads in the opposite direction whenever she sees you coming.

You are mulling all of this over minding your own business when you see Beca- speaking of the devil _funnily she was also in red_ , surrounded by some men you don't recognize. She seems to be giving them a tour. She turns into the long hallway were you are walking with no exit in sight. Let's see her try to get out of this one.

You feel her rapidly approaching, her voice coming closer, increasing in volume. You are readying yourself to reply... when she looks up then shifts her eyes elsewhere but then she walks ahead, past you like she hadn't seen you.

_Okay that is it!_

"What is your problem!?"

"I'm sorry, Miss Beale, I don't quite understand."

"You've been ignoring me, that's what, and I want to know what I did!"

"I'm sorry Miss Beale I've been doing no such thing."

"You saw me just now, and you walked by without even a nod of recognition."

"Excuse me gentlemen, I'll get back to you- Chloe chill." She glances around before she takes you to one side, "Chloe, you can't address me like that in front of all those people. I realize that you are really upset right now, but you can't act that way. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, but I told you that it would be different once we got back. I was just being extra cautious about other people knowing that you slept over in my pad."

"What's so wrong with us hanging out? With us being friends?"

"Chloe, I can't be all buddy-buddy with you okay? Just don't take it personally, but I need to maintain a certain level of professionalism when it comes to mentoring you guys. I shouldn't have told you all of those personal things about me to begin with. I mean, would you be comfortable or trusting in my credibility or even Adam's if he had confided in you every detail of his personal life? Remember this is my work, Chloe. This is a competition. We can be civil, we can be courteous, or we can be friendly to one another, but we can't be friends okay?"

"Okay..." Your voice sounds so small.

She doesn't even want to be your friend...that's the kind of thing that kids used to say back in elementary school, but even now those words carry the same hurt.

Okay, this was strike number two in the rejection scale. Didn't she know how much she was hurting you?

No she didn't, and she wouldn't...You can never tell her that you're already beginning to fall for her for real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry bout that it can't be all smooth sailing but stay tuned- we'll get there.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Thanks so much to colourmemine for Beta-ing :D You're so awesome
> 
> I hope all of you are still enjoying the ride-i promised it would be worth it in the end :)
> 
> * * *

You could say you went through the several phases of grieving beginning with Denial. But no, not really. You got stuck somewhere along the second stage - Anger. No actually you got confused by what and how many stages there actually are and you tended to mix up several emotions, but they all led to feeling angry, or depressed yet angry.

What use was there to start Bargaining?

You were waiting for the part where Acceptance came on, but it can't come soon enough.

You are more than miffed at her. Everything she said is ringing in your head.

_"Chloe, I can't be all buddy-buddy with you okay? Just don't take it personally, but I need to maintain a certain level of professionalism when it comes to mentoring you guys. I shouldn't have told you all of those personal things about me to begin with. I mean, would you be comfortable or trusting in my credibility or even Adam's if he had confided in you every detail of his personal life? Remember this is my work, Chloe. This is a competition. We can be civil, we can be courteous, or we can be friendly to one another, but we can't be friends okay?"_

All the things she said. All the things she said. Running through my head. Running through my head,

Shut Up T.A.T.U!

You feel like you're going mad, but she just goes on with everything in her life like nothing is wrong. Well of course the great Beca Mitchell is unaffected, she can totally deal without you and you don't know if that's hurting you or making you get pissed off at her more...

And so you channel everything into the following sessions, the practices, some one-on-one's with Adam and then at the end of the week it's officially announced on air-when the final blind auditions would be, and then, in a meeting after filming, the ones who you'll be battling with...

When Kori and yours name are announced together you hug each other, excited but then the nerves kick in and you are back to feeling horrible. It doesn't help that you see Beca hanging around.

You really don't want to let her get to you right now, especially when you have other, more pressing concerns.

* * *

This week your family and friends even people you don't know have started tweeting and sending you messages having seen you in the preview for the upcoming The Voice episode. **  
**

You really wish you could go home to watch the episode, you really want to see your Dad and Mom, maybe the rest of your family but what's the use the person you really want to be comforted by right now isn't even there anymore.

Your phone starts to ring in the middle of a rehearsal for a group number. It's Grandma Betty - Granda's wife, your mother's mother. It's like she had ESP or something and knew you needed to hear a familiar voice.

"Hi Chloe dear, how are you? I saw you're going to be on the episode tonight am I right?"

"Yes Grandma, you'll all be watching?"

"Of course I wouldn't miss it for the world maybe we can Skype later...you can watch with us."

"Totes Grandma." You see one of the floor directors getting your attention, motioning for you to hang up now. "I gotta go. I'll call you later."

* * *

You finally get home and as you take out your keys to unlock the door, Aubrey is already there throwing it open, reaching for your things and throwing them to their respective places screaming "Hurry up Chloe sit your ass down. It's on! The Voice is on!"

Like you needed reminding for Pete's sake, like the opening song wasn't a dead giveaway.  _This is the Voice. *Instrumental*._

"I set up your computer. Everyone else is in your living room at home. Say hi to Chloe people."

"Hi! Good Luck Honey!" you distinctly hear your mother.

"Mom you already know I got in-"

"Yes I know but still won't stop me from feeling excited and nervous for you will it?"

"Just let us wish you luck Chloe," Your father says shaking his head at you.

"Yes Dad."

"What's with all the noise? It isn't even Chloe's boring old Blind Auditions yet!" Oh Janet how I missed you...  _Not_.

"You guys, please keep quiet. We can't hear from over here either," Aubrey raises her voice. She's looking at you her eyes wide and a 'can-you-believe-her' expression on her face. You give an I-know-right grimace in return.

Thank goodness the two had never officially met. You don't think you could handle the two of them facing off.

You watch the familiar opening sequence, showing previous singers then the iconic hand flashing a peace sign while holding a microphone.

The program begins with Carson Daly's voice over narrating past events.

_For the last two weeks the four superstar judges have been set in discovering the new talents the best voices across the nation in the World's most exciting singing competition which returned for what may be its best, most exciting season yet, with its memorable auditions and characters._

There are quick flashes of Stacie's gropefest, Fat Amy's Edge of Glory rendition that had brought down the house , she was definitely a favorite.

There are clips of the judges as well-

Blake Sheldon getting up from his chair and enthusiastically shouting "That's what I'm talking about!"

It even showed that pretty boy Luke crooning and Donald who fitted in some beat boxing to his own audition.

"That was sick my man!" Usher says, all chill in his chair with his one leg up as usual.

The 'I want you' sign is flashed.

_The stakes cannot be higher as the blind auditions come to a close. Coaches Adam, Blake and Usher each have one slot left while our lady judge, Beca Mitchell, still needs two more to complete her team of twelve._

"We've been lucky so far. I have a pretty strong group already. I'm hoping to find that one person to fit in the last slot. We'll see if the chemistry is right..." says Adam it shows him running up the stage to hug one of the other girls. You think it may be Kori.

"I'm hoping they saved the best for last-" Blake says. There is a clip of him doing his finger thing. "I can only do with the best for my team. I don't want to break my record now."

"Let them come. Usually I'm the one stealing all the talents from the boys, but I need to be picky tonight... I need to get the strongest voices," Beca says.

There's a sound clip, one of Cynthia Rose singing. Her beautifully raspy voice is so distinct, it doesn't even show her face yet and you already know it's her. Then the next shot is of Beca's expression of pure excitement when she quickly reaches for the red button.

"I won't let anyone else have you-I need to have you own my team," Beca says persuading one of the contestants. Obviously not you...

"I'm not afraid to pull out the big guns when it comes to wooing someone for team Usher. I can play fair, but dirty has its advantages…And there's only one slot left, so this person has to be…extra special."

It plays the clip where he tells you "When you started singing, I almost imagined those fat baby angels coming in from behind the clouds together with a whole choir. There's this quality to your voice it's just so pure-angelic. We should make soul music together."

And you are shown for the first time. In the screen you looked pretty good. You've got to hand it to Lily.  
"This audition will definitely be one of the most defining moments of my life. I have to make it, give it all I've got, or just go home."

You sound pretty sure of yourself and cocky, but this filmed part was after the audition when you'd calmed down a bit.  
This causes a whole lot of noise and commotion from the other side of the screen and in the house...

"Yeah Chloe!"

"You tell them Chloe..."

Aubrey nudges you from her place in the couch..."Ooh so tough, if I know you, you were practically hyperventilating before you went up to the stage."

"At least I didn't lose it ...and kept my lunch to myself."

"Shut it and just watch the damn TV," Aubrey grumbles light-heartedly. Thank goodness she had mellowed since College and didn't bite your head off at that comment.

You glance back at the screen only to see Bumper's huge, annoyingly smug face. "I'm going to get in, they'd be stupid not to choose me."

"Who is that tool?" Aubrey askes.

"Bumper something..." You don't bother to learn his last name.

"Please tell me he won't get in."

"As much as I hate to admit it, the guys got chops. So just watch..." Carson then shows up on the screen to speak the immortal line; _The Final Blind Auditions start now._

_Knowing that there are few spots left, our next artist is hoping to snag the attention of all four coaches._

Cynthia Rose appears on the screen.

"Oh wait this one's good. I swear if you hear her voice it'll blow your mind!" You're dividing your attention between the two screens and Aubrey beside you giving a commentary of the events and trying to address everyone present.

"She? It looks like a man!"

"Grandma Spencer!" Everyone says "Mom!" Your Dad says to his own mother.

"What! I'm just saying what's true!"

"Her name's Cynthia Rose and how she looks like doesn't take anything away from her talent." you say effectively silencing everyone.

It tells her story about music helping her through rough times, she started singing and writing at a very young age and that she was proudly representing all LGBT community out there.

She sang 'At Last' by Etta James, and Beca to the surprise of no-one gets her. She has her ways of persuasion…She can fool people into thinking that she's perfect, that she's sweet and kind and wants to be your friend…or coach in Cynthia Rose's case. You'll never be fooled by that hot smirk and those smouldering eyes again. You're using your defiant standing-your-ground tone in your head, meaning you must mean it.

"The lesbian's got a good voice. I've got to hand it to her," Grandma Spencer says. You roll your eyes despairingly. Here we go…

"Mother why do you have to be so crass and you have to watch what you're saying… You do know about Chloe right?"

"What you allow your only child to be interested in is none of my business-I know that Chloe's a good girl and I love her- I'm not judging. I wasn't trying to offend anyone."

"Then just watch how you say things, keep the comment to yourself."

"That's enough Charlie. Your mother said she didn't mean it," Grandpa Michael said putting his foot down.  
Their argument gets drowned out when finally…

_Next up we have we have a person who claims to have been dreaming of auditioning but only got the courage to this season._

"I'm Chloe Beale. I just turned twenty four. Music and singing has always been something that I've done. It's been with me from an early age. I get it from my family but mostly my grandfather. He used to play for me - all the oldies. He also loved getting me to sing them as well. He was the one who told me I had a voice, even before I really, truly heard anything special myself."

"It's you Chloe!" Aubrey says gesturing at the screen excitedly.

"I know Bree, I know!" You can't help but be amused by her. You hug her as you both squeal. This is it. Everyone in the world was watching this-seeing you.

"I'm just so proud of you!"

"You haven't heard anything yet…"

"I already know how amazing your Aguelerian Voice is Chloe…Oh my God! I have a famous best friend. I should tell the world, boast about you to my clients."

"Get them to pay extra so they can meet me!"

"SHHH!"

"Girls we can't hear what you're saying on camera," says your mother, her voice louder as she approaches the screen.

"Sorry!" you both say sheepishly.

"Well I do have previous experience… My group competed in Collegiate A-cappella tournaments. We sang all over the world and we competed in national championships which has actually allowed me, and my group the Bella's, to perform in all kinds of places even with some celebrities. It's pretty neat."

Here they show some videos when you played at the Cobb Energy Performing Arts Centre and your group's performance with Prince.

"Thank God they didn't show that video…That horrible, horrible video. Breathe Aubrey you've moved on, past is past. Breathe…" Aubrey chants to herself while you place a reassuring hand on her back.

"You mean the part where you completely blotched your whole chance of winning that stupid competition?"

"Shut up Janet!" you say before you can stop yourself.

"Make me! You little diva!" You swear you don't care if you are screaming at a computer screen-she's lucky she was far away. You're not sure what you would have done if she really was within reach. On the screen the playback continues.

"Whatever happens, if I get in or not, I'm going to be dedicating this performance to my family and most especially to my Grandpa, the man who believed in me, loved me and accepted me, no matter what-I love you Grandpa."

There are some old pictures of you and your grandfather being shown-your favorite one is the one where you were still small enough to carry on his shoulders the shot is of the two of you caught mid-giggle.

Finally, it shows that moment in the room before the stage. You look so pale, you are pacing around the room and you distinctly hear yourself chanting "Breathe just breathe." So it wasn't just Aubrey who did that…

You hear everyone at home laughing even Aubrey giggles beside you "I was right just look at you Chloe, you're a mess!" You do admit that you do look as bad as you felt.

"Yeah…" You sometimes hate your family.

"She's worse than a mess. She looks horrible and on national TV. This is priceless," says Janet as she cackles evilly.

You think they fast forward it to the moment you do start moving in the general direction of the stage. You climb the three stairs then you approach the mic. You wonder how you did that successfully. You guess you were on autopilot. 

Now you can see what the judges expressions were like when they listened to you.

**_Close your eyes, give me your hand, darlin'_ **   
**_Do you feel my heart beating_ **   
**_Do you understand_ **   
**_Do you feel the same_ **

Wow you didn't realize both Adam and Blake, practically one right after the other, had already pressed the button that early into the song.

**_Am I only dreaming  
Is this burning an eternal flame_ **

**_I believe it's meant to be, darlin'_ **  
**_I watch you when you are sleeping_ **  
**_You belong with me_ **  
**_Do you feel the same_ **  
**_Am I only dreaming_ **  
**_Or is this burning an eternal flame_ **

**_Say my name_ **  
**_Sun shines through the rain_ **  
**_A whole life so lonely_ **  
**_And then come and ease the pain_ **  
**_I don't want to lose this feeling, oh_ **

**_Say my name_ **  
**_Sun shines through the rain_ **  
**_A whole life so lonely_ **  
**_And then come and ease the pain_ **

Beca and Usher are goading each other on to press their buttons. Beca's hand comes close, but then she hesitates…She only has one left as well…And it was still early in the Audition day…

**_I don't want to lose this feeling oh-_ **

"Beautiful" Aubrey says nudging you. You do admit that note rang out clear and true.

And finally Usher gives in "Damn girl!" he says as he turns to face you.

Which leaves Beca, her hand twitching. She's biting her lip, she still hasn't made up her mind…and then her hand makes an agonizingly slow descent upon the button…

"Come on press it Beca!" your dad shouts out.

"Yeah press it Beca, go on just there…" You say too getting into the spirit of things.

Aubrey gives you a look.

_**Close your eyeseeeessssss** _

You give a particularly long rift into that note and then you stop abruptly…Okay, you didn't realise that when you had put a different spin in it towards the end that you had unknowingly cut it short.

Okay, now you are crushed. Beca had wanted to press it, but had taken too long to realize that she really did want you. You're hoping that would be the story of your life, but whatever.

You groan simultaneously with the people at home-maybe not for the same reason. They were rooting for a perfect four, you just wanted the perfect one.

"Chloe…"

"She wanted to. You saw it didn't you Bree? Beca wanted to turn."

"It's too bad about Beca huh," Janet interrupts, "and wasn't she the one you really wanted? I guess you really aren't her type in more ways than one."

"Thanks for the reminder of that like I didn't already know it, bitch."

You normally wouldn't let her get to you, but you can't help it. Your morale is already low. She was rubbing salt into a very painful, fresh wound.

"Girls! Behave yourselves," Grandma Betty admonishes. She's usually subdued and quiet in family gatherings such as these, but she steps in when she smells trouble brewing.

"Whatever Grandma, she's just been on National Television and she already thinks too much of herself. What? You think you're better than me, than our whole home town Miss Chloe Beale Hollywood? Well you do fit there with the rest of the queers."

"That is enough Janet, this was supposed to be Chloe's night."

"It's always Chloe's fucking everything. It all revolves around her. Her voice isn't even that great!" She stormed out, presumably of the house. You can only see as far as the living room.

"Janet come back this instant and apologise to Chloe."

"Chloe should apologise as well."

Aubrey had been noticeably silent. You're sure she wanted to step in to defend you, but she can tell this kind of argument was to be resolved by the family alone.

"It's okay Grandma, leave her alone. I'm sorry everyone that I said Bitch" Aubrey snorts, but you nudge her silent. They didn't have to know the more colourful terms you used on a daily basis.

"I haven't been having the best week and well Janet's being such a… _Janet_  I wasn't in the mood for it okay but yes like I said I'm sorry Dad, Mom, Aunts, Uncles, cousins who aren't Janet."

Everyone else continues watching but they break up into groups conversing and doing their own thing, while your Grandma Betty picks up the laptop and carries it into one of the other rooms. You see her leading the way maybe she'll admonish you in private.

"Hey-" you say to Aubrey, "I'll just go to my room for a sec."

"Yeah okay, I'll call you if there's someone interesting auditioning. You need to spill the dirt about that British guy…"

"'Kay..."

You hurry to your own room carrying your laptop, then close the door behind. You then set it on the bed. You start putting away some things. You don't want your grandmother to comment about the state of your room.

"Chloe…" Grandma Betty says in a tone that succeeds in getting your attention.

"I did say I was sorry…" you say as you settle down close to the laptop. You're staring into your grandmother's eyes, the same colour as your mothers, the same as yours.

"No Honey, I know you are…It wasn't even that big a deal using the B word. I was more offended by the behaviour of your cousin, especially after what she said about that beautiful heart-warming performance."

"C'mon Grandma Betty. I don't really care about her opinion of my voice, I mean I've heard worse."

"It's just when you sang…It was amazing Chloe, truly amazing… Your Grandpa would've been really proud." Her voice is all chocked up and you feel the tears catch in your throat as well.

"Thanks Grandma I really needed that."

"That's all I wanted to say. And perhaps clean your room, honey. It's a mess. Your Mom and Dad will call you later. Don't be shy to call us sometime…"

"I'm sorry, I will call you more often. I promise, I love you" and then you end the Skype call.

"Chloe are you all right?" Aubrey says when she finds you in the same position in the dark several moments later.

"Did what that horrible cousin of yours- "Janet " you supply.

"Whatever. What she said, is it still affecting you?"

"No…"

"Then what's wrong…"

"I miss my grandfather."

"Oh."

"He's the real man in my life. I know I have my Dad but there was something about my Grandpa-He didn't want me to try to be anything else than what I already was…"

"I remember when I first came out to him."

"You never told me this before Chloe."

"I know that's why I'm telling you now," you say, laughing while you brush away some tears that you didn't realise had started falling down your face.

"I was crying like I am now, but I was only eleven then and it was what I thought was my first heartbreak. He started trying to console me. He was asking me all kinds of questions, but then he asked me which boy made me cry.  _"Was it that Dennis Mason from down the street?"_

You get lost in your narrative. You really feel like you are in that moment many, many years ago.

_"Whoever he is, I'll go to his house and teach him a lesson" Grandpa says. He makes to stand up from his kneeling position on the front porch. "Let me at 'em, let me at 'em," he jokes, trying to get you to smile._

_And you ended up crying harder "I can't Grandpa!"_

_"Why not Chloe?"_

_"'Cos it isn't a boy I'm crying about… It's a girl."_

_You don't want to see his face. Your grandparents were pretty cool and in with the times, but they were still very traditional. You feel the shame wash over you. You don't want to look up and see for the first time any hate, any disgust from the one man in your life who'd always loved you unconditionally._

_"Chloe-are you telling me you that you're gay?"_

_"No-yes I mean I don't know Grandpa. I don't want to be, but I can't help how I feel."_

_"Now, now, there. Chloe, look at me. Tell me about this girl." You proceed to do so he wipes away your tears._

_Your bottom lip is trembling you think you look pretty miserable._

_"I love her...I love Beca...She's my soul mate. The mother of my future children. She just doesn't know it yet...How am I supposed to make all of that happen when she's so far away?"_

_"Beca, Beca… Why does that name sound so familiar? Isn't that the actress Beca Something?"_

_"Mitchell Grandpa...Yea she'll never know I exist and it hurts Grandpa."_

_Before you know it he's shaking, making funny noises. Oh yeah, that's how your Grandpa sounds when he's laughing._

_"Why are you laughing? It's not funny!" You stomp your foot. Something you've been trying to get yourself to stop doing._

_"Yes, of course not-it just oh Chloe. You love so wholeheartedly, so fully. Do you want to be committed to a Hollywood star-You're just so young, so naïve my dear...It's endearing." He's trying to pacify you, but you won't let him. You're practically a teenager now, not a kid any longer._

_"Don't think I don't know about how I feel just because I'm young. I know I'm in love alright?"_

_"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have laughed, I mean I fell in love for the first time when I think I was 8... Your grandma was a beauty even then…"_

_You're sure you're missing something here, when it hits you. Where's his violent reaction? The drama you'd been expecting? You finally ask "So wait you don't hate me?"_

_"Why would I hate my Chlobear?"_

_"Because...I like girls, well right now one girl. The girl."_

_"No of course not honey, I wouldn't love you any less because of it...Who you love doesn't change who you are to me. You are and always will be my beloved granddaughter, plus you have good taste, so who am I to contest that?"_

_"Grandpa!"_

_"Just saying, if I were younger and hadn't already met the love of my life, I would do some serious crushing on your girl."_

_"I can't believe you just said that Grandpa…" he's laughing while you shake your head at him…"But you're right well it's only a fantasy...I mean she wouldn't even like me...love me."_

_"Well then she's not the right person for you."_

_"You're right, I mean look at me Grandpa...And look at her."_

_"I am looking Chloe and I can't say I'm not speaking from being your grandfather, but what I know is that she'd be stupid not to love you once she met you, once she got to know you."_

_"_ I always wished he was right, but even then I didn't really believe him, even more so now. Anyway, it doesn't matter. I may have originally auditioned to try my luck and meet Beca, but now that I'm here I might as well give it my all and win the whole thing, Beca, or no Beca."

"I just really hurt all over and I want it to stop. I want to stop hurting, stop feeling so damn depressed, so angry, so not like myself all the time."

"Hey Chloe, why don't you sleep it off? You're just really tired...I'll stay with you. It's okay, just sleep."

* * *

Comments whether bad or good are always appreciated :))

James Arthur's version of Impossible has been on constant replay thru ought the chapter, if you haven't heard it yet give it a listen.  
And to lighten it up you can listen to Hunter Hayes I Want Crazy (Cimorelli Version)

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe got let down by her idol once again but she doesn't have time to wallow. Wlil the Voice preparations for the upcoming Battle Rounds be enough to keep her heart and mind busy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys I'm hoping you're enjoying this story so far! I'd love to hear what you guys think about it.

 

 

You wake up with a start with your beddings all over you. Sweet, sweet Aubrey had tucked you in. You reach for your night lamp and get up to walk around the quiet apartment.

That's odd. Its late where could Aubrey be?

You find a note attached to the microwave and some food prepared inside it, what a sweetheart. You definitely owe her.

_You missed dinner. Hopefully you'll wake up and eat this-I've gone out for some coffee and to finish some paperwork. I can't seem to concentrate at home. Your snoring is definitely getting worse, earplugs won't cut it anymore, get checked out. There may be something wrong with you._

Never mind.

"What a bitch," you say aloud, the sound echoing in your empty apartment. You feel so exhausted, even though you've been asleep for several hours. You turn on the television set and re-watch your episode. You watch in silence eating your newly heated food, every second filled with watching Beca, knowing that she still had a choice and she hadn't chosen you, no matter how much she might've wanted to.

* * *

The bad mood lasts for the rest of the week. Aubrey has been cooped up at work as usual, but you think she's also been avoiding confrontation, since as she said you guys were so synched up that she too was feeling PMS. But it seems not only Aubrey had picked up on this. Even Benji, who claimed to be oblivious to normal social cues, notices when you remember to bring Beca's keys to him.

"Hey what's wrong Chloe?"

"What do you mean?"

"It's probably nothing, it's just that you usually have this lightness about you."

"I guess I just haven't been feeling so hot lately"

"Are you feeling like the force is no longer with you?"

"I guess… you could say that Benji"

"Don't worry Chlo, if it's the battle rounds you're worried about, I've heard you a couple of times I know you'll do great."

"Thanks Benji that's really sweet."

And so on the days that follow you have been pouring your heart and soul into this piece Adam chose for you and Kori, Alone by Heart.

"Okay Kori and Chloe. Okay, the reason I picked the both of you to face off the other, not because both your names have a 'c' sound and are two syllables, but because it's an interesting contrast that I think will play out really well if executed properly.

"Kori's tone, its warmth-those riffs you do will sit interestingly against Chloe's lighter, wider range. The song I chose, it just came to me out of nowhere...Alone by Heart. Are you both familiar with the song?"

He asks the instrumentalist to play a few notes "For the moment, it's just a piano, but I imagine a whole string quartet thing working for you guys."

"Yeah, I know it," Kori says while you just nod. You've never really sung it before but you can make it work. It usually takes you about two listens to get the tune as well as lyrics down.

Adam continues from where he's gotten comfortable sitting behind some equipment, an ear bud in his one ear.  
"I think it's the perfect thing to belt out with, but doesn't mean belting's gonna win it. You need to be able to have excess within control. The strength has to be there, but you can't over-sing it or make it sound too stagey that it almost sounds Karaoke. "

"Kori, I want you to take the first line. You need to start out strong and steady. Chloe, take the second  
then the bridge. You can give way to the other but in the chorus you guys have to be able to blend. After that, you can freestyle. You can put your own twist if need be. Okay let's do a run through of the whole song. I'll give comments here and there but don't let it distract you-"

_**I hear the ticking of the clock  
I'm lying here the room's pitch dark** _

"Okay, Kori that was good. More emotion behind it though. You want to make it sound believable."

_**I wonder where you are tonight**_  
 _**No answer on the telephone**_  
  
"More control there Chloe!"

**And the night goes by so very slow**  
**_Oh I hope that it won't end though_**  
 ** _Alone_**

By the millionth take, at the end of a very long day, the two of you have started messing it up a bit...

_**I hear the cicking of the tlock** _

"Watch your words Kori!"

"Sorry!" she giggles which sets you off as well.

"You aren't taking this seriously again, from the top!"

Kori's a really good singer, her voice is stronger than yours you think, but you can work the high notes and on a good day your voice can ring clearly. But sometimes, more often as of late, the stress is really eating at you, wearing you thin. Your voice feels strained, which just makes you push yourself even harder. You already have one foot in, you just have to keep going. You're so close, you just have to keep strong, keep your eyes on the prize.

You can be Adam's girl-even though you'd much rather be Beca's. But, whatever she doesn't even want to be friends, well, it's her loss.

* * *

You don't know why, maybe its nerves or something, but as the last few days approach before your battle round with Kori, Beca seems to pop up wherever you go.

_It's because she works there too dummy._

But c'mon she ended up right outside your dressing room that one time after they shot your coverage, walking in to the stage with the rest of Adam's team.

Coincidence, you hope not.

Okay, you are willing to admit that maybe you are being a tad dramatic maybe a bit paranoid as well.

* * *

It's the end of another exhausting day of practice and all you want is to get home and relax.

"Bye Chloe, take it easy girl!" Kori hugs you on the way out. She can sense that you're once again not in a good mood. Your voice was cracking  _again_.

You hope that session wasn't the one they used for the show.

"Sure thing, Kori…Our battle round's filming is the day after tomorrow, so you gotta practice. I don't want you to go messing up the lyrics now…"

"You work on that last high note Beale... I'll bring my best so you better do too." Kori comes to abrupt stop when she sees Beca casually standing there. You continue to gather your things not minding Beca at all.

"Okay Kori. You've got a ride home already?" you ask her.

Kori takes a second longer to respond still busy looking between the two of you.

"Kori?" you try again.

"What?"

"Are you leaving with somebody?"

"Um, yeah…No, I got my car with me… Bye Chloe." She gives one last wave over her shoulder and an awkward "Uh hi Beca" as she passes by her.

See it wasn't just you who gets flustered by her presence but no more. No more.

You are really pissed off at yourself, and her showing up, reminding you that you weren't even good enough for her and her being right, isn't helping, so it's not your fault what happens because of it.

"Chloe I-" You quickly gather your things and exit the room advancing upon Beca.

"Now you want to talk to me? Seriously, it almost feels like you are following me. Do you happen to just camp out outside my rehearsals? I better tell Adam on you." Your voice is hard. Before you know it, you've push her until her back is against the wall. You don't know what you are doing and you're not thinking. It just feels good to do something.

"What?!" Okay she looks so surprised. Okay your voice did sound really angry-you wonder why?

"Hey no…I-I left… something when I was rehearsing with one of my girls the other day."

"Okay." you say backing up allowing her space," -What was it?" you say playing along.

"A folder..."

"You don't sound so sure..." You really do sound royally pissed. It's no wonder she's not her usual suave, hot, in-control self.

You are supposed to hate her, but you can't manage it now that she's talking to you. How she looks all made-up together with what she's wearing, this tight yet tastefully designed navy blue dress that matches her eyes, and hello there cleavage, tasteful, more like tasty.

Okay don't be perv, don't stare... But you can't deny her hotness-that would be lying. And you don't want to go to hell or something. Okay, keep on track here.

Damn Beca, making you forget you were pissed at her. Wait where were you?

"Yes it's a folder... Its black has my name on it with a couple of stickers."

You head back into the room not missing the chance to send a disbelieving glare her way. You are pretty confident it's not in there, I mean you have been practicing in there for the last half hour-"Ha! It's not there-"

You're almost disappointed when you do actually spot it- find it inside the room and how you do so is much worse than disappointing... You manage to, with all your stomping around, trip and fall on your face.

"Chloe! Are you okay?"

Ah your head hurts but your pride hurts so much more. Can't you ever not embarrass yourself in front of this girl?

"No I'm not freaking okay." You want to cry and you turn your face away from hers and your eyes land on something black under the piano, something that looked awfully like…a folder.

"There it is under the freaking piano." You finally do get up, pushing her helping hands out of the way. You bend to retrieve it. "I must've pushed it off without noticing it. Here." You hand it over. She walks over to you, takes the folder, and proceeds to flip through it as she sits by the piano. She plays a few scales. She doesn't rub it in, but that's what makes it worse.

You want to bury yourself underneath something, but you are so tired with being pissed off. No you're just really, really tired, so you just ask her upfront what's been floating around in your mind.

"Did you just come over for the folder or-?"

Her playing of this particular tune you've never heard before comes to an abrupt halt.

"Well yes, but since I am already here might as well talk to you. Do you feel like grabbing lunch? And to be safe we can talk about anything, anything at all besides the competition..."

"No, I already ate-"...If some cookies and a carton of juice counted as lunch. You don't get what she's doing, you don't really get why you're turning her down, but it's all confusing and you don't want to have to think about every little detail concerning Beca anymore.

"-And don't you have other people to talk to, maybe the people on your team?" Your boyfriend? Oh no, he's your fiancée already."

"Well you are my favourite redhead."

She's not making any sense, "I'm the only redhead in this competition, do you know a lot of redheads outside the competition?"

"Yeah, but you're the only one I know who has a soul " Beca says her smile growing each second like she can sense that she's thawing at you for every moment you're standing within the proximity of the other.

"Oh, ha ha-" You roll your eyes playfully at that one.

"Well I know a lot of people who have dyed their hair red-Emma Stone, Kristen Dunst, Rihanna amongst many, haven't you heard people pay lots of money for it here in Hollywood- it's all about constantly updating your looks and what do the redheads do, change it to blonde or something."

"Who like Lindsay Lohan?"

"Yeah, shame she really pulled it off well-blonde just makes her look, well you know how she looks these days. I know it's not just the hair color but..." Beca looks at you thoughtfully, "You know what? I think you'd look amazing blonde, not that I'm telling you to try it but seriously, it'd make your eyes pop out even more-not that it needs it anyway."

"Me blonde huh..."

"I do have an eye for these kinds of things... being so fashion forward and updated in the latest trends-and putting up fronts for appearances sake."

Self-depreciating and wry, sarcastic humor really was her thing.

Okay, Beca is once again in the zone. All adorably charming, humorous, thinking you've let go of everything.

Well, think again Beca Mitchell. She doesn't get off that easy, not this time.

"So what you're saying is that you don't like how I normally look?" Your icy tone is back. It's said all innocently but she heard the potential bomb in the question if she answers it wrongly.

You're sure it's making her second guess herself, because she suddenly gets all jittery again, and it makes you feel oddly powerful, not really a good thing...but it's a new feeling.

"No I was saying you could pull anything off, but you're right no, red-it's you...and I like it."

What was she saying...she liked the color red, or you? You don't have a reply for that. You're actually working hard to stop the smile threatening to grace your face. You're not sure if it's a compliment but you're taking it as such.

A few more seconds of silence passes and it seems like Beca can't really take it anymore as she suddenly blurts out;

"Sorry Chlo, I realized I've…I wasn't exactly the most gracious person when I turned your friendship down. I mean, I don't know what I was thinking in the first place...if it's all right with you I'd love for us to be more than friendly. I'd love for you to be my..."

Girlfriend, fiancée you're getting ahead of yourself but who cares.

"-Best friend, wait, that sounds lame…" Beca finishes. Oh well, Beca's taking back everything she said...That's enough for you.

But you don't want to give in so easily or at least make it look like you gave in so easily... you wait a few more moments...till the pause behind that offer is stretching really really long.

You take in her wringing hands, her nervous smile, but her eyes are set steadily on yours...her eyes show everything communicating her genuine apology, she's nervous, she's scared and yet she's putting herself out there, offering up an olive branch. She did her part might as well do yours.

"Well, all you had to do was ask nicely...Okay yes, I mean… Fine, whatever." Smooth Chloe, smooth.

"So yeah?"-She has this small smile and when you nod in response to her question it grows exponentially larger. "Good. gotta go, plenty to do...Well I really came here to apologise."

"I thought you said you came for the folder?"

"Oh that, yeah I meant the folder...the apology was just a spur of the moment thing," Beca says rolling her eyes but laughing at herself none-the-less.

"Good Luck with Kori by the way. She's tough. Technically, I'm not supposed to lean either way, but I believe in you, Chloe, that's all I'm saying."

You can't help it when you rush into her and give her a big hug. She seems too shocked to hug back, but you'd like to think you hugged her enough for the both of you.

"Whoa-you are quite the hugger!" See she agrees now put Beca down, there's a good girl. You release her begrudgingly while she rubs her sides. Okay, maybe you were a tad over enthusiastic.

"Well, as my friend you'll sort of need to get used to it." you give your own smirk and throw in a wink in there, hopefully it was as as effective a kryptonite as hers was to you.

"What  _did_  I get myself into?" Beca says jokingly, fear lacing her tone.

"Oh you have no idea, Beca."

No idea at all the plans you have in store for her… Somebody cue the evil villain laugh.

Stop staring you might've spaced out for a millisecond there, but Beca is also looking back at you, her darker blue connecting with your own. You wonder what wonderful thoughts are floating around in that wonderful head of hers.

The spell is broken when her phone goes off.

"Ah It's my assistant Kimmy Jin. I have to take this. If not, she'll subject me to her death glare the whole meeting, which is freaking scary. Trust me, it's worse than her ever saying anything to me. Which is funny 'cos she doesn't say a lot to begin with. I have a feeling she sort of hates my guts.

Silent scary Asians are just everywhere.

"Anywho-Hello? Yes, yes I know-" Beca is making exaggerated faces while talking on the phone. You know it's for your amusement.

"Right now? Okay I'll see you. Did you grab me some lunch, no, fine I was about to get some myself anyway. Okay, I was going to get it after the meeting and just starve for the time being anyway...sure Bye-She hung up on me."

"She seems delightful."

"Oh you have no idea," she says, giving you a smirk reusing your line. "I'll have to see you around friend-can't let the boss wait."

"Then you better be going Coach Mitchell."

"Yeah-save your hug, I'll just leave, wouldn't want another set of bruised ribs"

"Ha-ha…" She gives you a little pat on the shoulder on her way out. It's not a hug, but it's enough. That's already a lot coming from her.

You should be emotionally exhausted with this back and forth between Beca and you. And your relationship isn't even a romantic one...yet.

But, everything worth staying for, worth fighting for isn't always the easiest road to tread upon. But, ultimately the end goal is getting to know Beca Mitchell and everything that comes between with it. And if somewhere along the way you get her to fall for you, it'd be totally worth it.

You do have your work cut out for you though. But you never were one to back off from a fight.

Just wait and see you'll come on top, or bottom you weren't picky either way as long as you end up with her in your arms.

Everyday, every moment you're sure your one more step closer to achieving it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what's next for these two friends?


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The competition starts now. Battle rounds for our girls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope we're all still in this together, Sorry about that you don't want to hear what kept me from posting this sooner but to summarize, sickness, weak internet, severe headache amongst other things. Forgive my excuses i promise i'll update more often from now on-I've gotten it all sorted. Thanks largely to my amazing beta natalie :)
> 
> Let's get it on shall we?

You always wondered how time could be so...weird.

It sped up when all you wanted it to do was slow down.

It slowed down when you desperately needed it to speed up.

And all you've been doing since you woke up this morning, and you were hit full force with the nerves, was wishing for everything to please, slow down.

And yet here you are after vocal warm-ups, outfit fitting and make-up, with only twenty minutes to go till you'll be back on that stage, the same stage but newly transformed to look like a boxer's ring.

Battle rounds would be done in succession. It wasn't live battles yet, but that was coming really soon. This last week was preparation, filming then the presentation of the teams top 6, the group performances and right after would be knock out rounds, to further narrow the members of the group into 5, then the final group of 4.

But right now you had to get in to the top 6, you just had to. Take it little by little. Breathe, you can do this.

As soon as you exit your rooms you and Kori are prompted to get ready. You were told to meet Adam backstage where he wanders in between breaks.

"How are my girls?"

"Good." Kori says, she seems remarkably calm. You don't want to risk opening your mouth lest you empty your stomach of its contents.

"Chloe?"

You nod and he just claps your back. "You don't have anything to be nervous about."

Adam had been very supportive during practices-and whenever he wasn't available for a consultation he would get in touch through Benji, or he would personally email, text, tweet you whenever he could.

"-Both of you, you've both worked hard for this. I am extremely proud of my girls and if I could I'd keep both of you...I know that, if it's any consolation to whoever I don't choose, I know that another judge will save either of you. That's how much I believe in you, so just...do your best. As much I'll regret saying this, make it hard for me."

He takes the two of you into one of his playful hugs. He pats Kori then you. "Remember, ticking of the clock. Lyrics Kori." He pats her when she goes ahead then turns to you. "Chloe, watch out on the last few notes. Don't push it and go high from the get go, if you can't make it...just build towards it slowly okay?"

He knows your tendency to strain your voice, to push yourself he's begging for you to take it easy.

But you can't take it easy it's called the battle rounds for Christ's sake!

You do admit, never aloud of course, that your throat has been feeling tingly, off. It's probably nothing and you're all set. You've been chugging down that herbal gunk medicine all day plus lots and lots of water.

You hope you won't feel like peeing once you get on stage...What if you wet yourself from all the excitement? No do not go there, you are not going to embarrass yourself by expelling something from your body it front of National television no way. You won't let that be captured on camera to be used against you for years to come. You've seen how the A-capella pukefest sometimes still affects Aubrey. You have got to hold it in. No, you better just go to washroom really quick.

This is no time for a melt down. You've got this, you can push through this. You can and you will.

* * *

A few minutes later and you're back in the wings.

They were just finishing filming Fat Amy's battle where she won hands down against Denise when they sang 'Before He Cheats' by Carrie Underwood.

You had watched from the sidelines admiring how Fat Amy dominated the stage. She was good at not only singing, but giving a performance. There was theatrics...she fiercely advanced on Denise like she was the other woman who the character in the song cheated against her with.

When she was asked who she was aiming that song to "You know all those ass-tards that hurt us women, those days are long over no we won't make your dinners, and massage your feet and well we won't just sit around and be wronged anymore…We have ways to get back at you now, you've been warned." You distinctly heard her mutter Bumper Allan.

You wish you could do that, not the sending out a public message on television but be able to give that much to a performance and maybe you can. You can channel, direct the song towards someone. You did it with your audition, Eternal Flame for your grandfather, but this time with this song, perhaps towards someone you had romantic feelings for, someone you'd been dying to get alone since the beginning of the day.

Beca and you had both been busy, you'd barely seen each other the whole day, but she'd texted you...She had got your number somehow...and wait your phone's ringing you glance around in panic seeing if they needed quiet for filming but no they'd taken a quick break. You take the call out of the stage and into one of the rooms offstage.

"Hey your turn's up soon I gather?" A smile breaks across your face, you'd recognize that voice anywhere. Weird, this was your first phone call together. No, not weird, awesome. Hopefully the first of many.

"Hello to you too Miss Mitchell. Yeah...Kori and I are next. So what've you been up to?" You can't help glancing at her chair with her name in red...it's empty though. Where is she?

"You know sitting on some chair practically all day... My behind's all sore..." Beca says you can practically imagine her pouting

"Okay-can I do anything to make it all better?" _Can I kiss it please?_

"Well as much as the talking on the phone is nice, I'd much rather talk to you in person, I mean face to face."

"Yeah I would like that. Where are you, anyways...I thought they're taking a break?"

"Turn around..." she says mischievously.

"Don't you think I'd know if you were behind me?" But you turn around anyway,

"Look up." She's in the sprint skybox place where they interview the contestants sometimes.

She's far up but you can see her expression clearly. She's beaming at you.

"Now we're talking face to face..."

"Clever, what are you doing up there anyway?"

"Quick meeting with some heads and the rest of the judges, speaking of-can you tell your coach off, Adam keeps telling me I'm and idiot."

"That's old news, it's an accepted fact."

"Hey!" she sounds only mildly offended and you're both laughing, sounding so beautiful together.

"So why is he calling you an idiot this time?"

"Because I didn't choose you when I had the chance..."

"Ah, yeah...you were totally an idiot but you had your reasons, so I guess I forgive you."

"Yeah, can you imagine that- us together?"

"I think about it all the time actually." You know she's talking about the competition but you can't help taking it another way.

"We'd make a great team I think."

"Yeah...the best."

"Don't let Adam hear you saying that though. Well he got the girl but he knows I wanted you first."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Hmm, how come I didn't know that?"

"Well, now you do."

There's something there, you can feel it. You're scared that maybe she'd clue in on what you meant.

A figure appears behind her and you can't really see who it is "Miss Mitchell is there something more pressing at the moment that you can't lend us a few minutes of you time?" Oh the voice, it's Cameron Mitchell the sudden appearance of her father causes her to jump.

"Yes, actually...but that's alright. You do like to pretend that what goes on in your life is more important than mine. Just let me say good bye."

He doesn't go back into the room, just stands there and watches on while Beca turns back around to continue talking to you.

"Sorry it's just the man who calls himself my father...so...I'll see you on the stage? Good Luck, Chloe. Yeah I'm coming, I'm coming." She walks in, you see Cameron hang back, he looks upset, hurt, pressing a hand to his head, leaning against the railing in defeat. He looks up and catches you watching, to which he furrows his brow. You give a nod of recognition.

You didn't mean to see that.

He just walks back into the room and out of sight.

* * *

Breaks' over.

You stay on your side backstage, you are going to enter from the left as soon as they give you the cue, the director would inform the floor director, who would then inform one of the stage personnel.

You're back to talking to yourself psyching yourself up for this, you are sort of tempted to call Aubrey from the audience to talk you through it, maybe give a bella sound-off for old time's sake.

Chloe you are ready. You've been rehearsing for this day in day out, pushing yourself; you know this song back to front...

This battle will determine if you stay or if you'll go-It will determine if you'll be a talent that made it or a talent whose name will be forgotten as soon as you leave the stage.

* * *

"We are back, the battle rounds have begun and we have had truly beautiful earth-shattering moments..." Carson Daly goes through his lines."And we have plenty more to come; up next we have two beautiful ladies from Team Adam Levine."

"Rolling VTR!" The Floor Director speaks into his mike he points at the screen showing the video replaying the past performance some clips here and there. You tune it out. Any second now, Benji quickly pulls you to stand at another position.

"When I give the word, you can start walking Chloe."

"Walk yes, I can…do…that"

"Yes, you can Chlo."

"On one side we have our resident home grown talent LA soulful siren Kori Stevens..." There are cheers and you suppose Kori is now on stage. Is everything moving really, really fast, or is it just you? Do you need to walk that fast? "… and on the other, Acapella Angel Chloe Beale."

Now he nods, then holds you by your shoulders and gently pushes you to walk in the correct direction.

You walk climb the stairs and meet center-stage, you grip Kori's hand, you feel it trembling you aren't sure if it's because of you or her.

The battles begin now,

Through flashes of the studio lights you can see Aubrey and your Mother on the sidelines watching.

The music comes in, Kori gives you a smile of encouragement and you return it, but you think it comes out more as a grimace. Okay, you can do this…

You thought it was hard before, but this is much much worse. You're no longer just trying to get in, you're trying to prove that you have what it take to stay in the competition.

You don't know why you are more conscious now of the cameras, of the people.

Don't be nervous has now become an endless chant in your head, but you can't help it you are, you really are.

_I hear the ticking of the clock_

_I'm lying here the room's pitch dark_  Kori smiles triumphantly when she sings it out perfectly, words sounding just right.

You take a deep breath your turn;

_I wonder where you are tonight_

_No answer on the telephone_

Your voice doesn't sound as smooth, as steady as you'd like but it was just beginning of the song you aren't giving up. Okay, time to harmonise. You're good at that.

_And the night goes by so very slow_

You quickly look at Beca and she gives a slight smile and it helps you to remember your earlier plan to sing to her alone.

_Oh I hope that it won't end though_

_Alone_

That sounded good if you say yourself but from Kori's wide smile she's relieved as well, but here we go time to belt her first then you.

 _Till now I always get by on my own_ , Kori belts out perfectly

 _I never really cared until I met you_  Your voice rings out clearly, okay you got this.

_And now it chills me to the bone_

_How do I get you alone_

_How do I get you alone_

This time, you start. You don't want to be obvious but your eyes, they keep finding Beca's.

_You don't know how long I have wanted,_

_to touch your lips and hold you tight, oh_

_You don't know how long I have waited_

_and I was going to tell you tonight_

You mean every line, every word. Can she feel it?

 _But the secret is still my own._  Kori is adding her runs and it sounds amazing. You need to pull out the big guns here. You do that whistling Mariah Carey thing,

_and my love for you is still unknown_

_Alone_

And now the music has slowed down. The piano the only instrument left.

_Till now I never got by on my own I never really cared until I met you,_

_and now how it chills me to the bone, how do I get you alone_

Okay, here's the big note.

_Alone_

Kori sings hitting it

And now you.

_Alooone_

You push through the discomfort in your throat not at all getting into it gradually as Adam instructed, you're glad it still comes out strong.

 _I hear the ticking of the clock I'm lying here the room's pitch dark_  you sing together finally.

You finish and the crowd goes wild, Carson Daly ushers the both of you forward upstage.

"Yet another amazing performance, before we hear what their coach has to say and to give him time to decide-let's hear Coach Usher."

"Beautiful women, beautiful voices. Kori you really are a soulful siren, well deserved name. I'm a fan and you delivered, but that was just it. What was beautiful about Chloe's performance was that i felt every word, every line...there was truth like there was real emotion behind it...I find myself asking who is the lucky man that you want to get alone?"

You shrug-Carson however steps in-being all hostey "Wouldn't we all want to know, but before that over to you Blake Shelton."

"Chloe, I actually felt that your voice wasn't as clear as when we first heard it-" Okay he caught it, they wouldn't be judges and mentors if they couldn't detect those little things, but you feel a tad bit better when the studio audience starts booing.

"-Hold on, it was more gravelly than I expected, but it's still good. Kori's was excellent but it lacked the depth, the performance level that Chloe gave to it."

"Okay, to Coach Beca."

"It was a bit rough around the edges..." You and Kori squeeze each other's hand for comfort "-for both of you, but I think it really came together after Chloe's stanza." Beca says short and sweet.

They had to cut it short, minimize air time.

"And finally Adam who do you choose, who have you chosen?"

"No, I just knew I shouldn't have said make it hard for me. Sure there were a few stumbles, but still you both pulled through...I think it's a sign that there's still room for improvement for growth... which is always... good."

"Ah we'll be needing a name Adam, who do you choose?"

"It's difficult alright, they're both precious talents, and what was I thinking pairing you two? I'll regret it either way...the one I choose, I believe I can still teach a few things..So the one I don't choose I believe is strong and can stand on her own...I'm sure that everyone will want to snatch you up."

"I choose Kori." Kori jumps up and down, before she quickly remembers herself and pulls you into a hug.

"Sorry Chlo."

"It's alright." you say before she walks offstage, shaking hands with the crowd as she goes.

"Chloe Beale everyone." Carson says ushering you forward to soak in your last applause from the audience.

Before you can even think to feel sad, steals are simultaneously being pressed. Usher, and Beca are fighting for you.

For a second, you are confused not sure how to feel, wow.  _Wow_. To be teamless and then suddenly be wanted for another team. Not that you had any doubts but this competition was  _so_  cool.

"I was hoping you'd do that Adam, I was rearing to jump in for this one. Chloe let's keep it short. You, Team Usher for the win."

"No way, Chloe doesn't want to be with your boys. They're trouble. She needs to be in my kickass team, she belongs with me. She wants to be with me." Can I get a hallelujah!

"It's up to you Chloe..."

Adam looks at you smiling slightly, "Wait can I say something? We all know this should have happened from the start-Usher you just gotta give up."

"Who am I kidding? All right Mitchell you can have her." Usher says, "Only because I gave it up, not because she didn't want me or anything."

"Keep telling yourself that Ush-Ush baby, She's mine now."

"You know that I love you, Chloe and I promised I'd take you to the finale, but I couldn't have lost you to a better woman."

Adam couldn't have said it better, being in Beca's team having her fight for you, claim you, trumps just getting a step further in the competition. But of course you are grateful that you're still in it.

You finally make your way off stage amidst the greater, wilder cheers from the audience, you extend your hand to them shaking some hands here and there before you stop because Beca had gotten off her chair she makes her way over to one arm hug you,

"I guess I'm not an Idiot this time I took the chance. Let's prove how amazing we can be together."

* * *

After the hubabaloo of the moment you think you lost it you never thought this would happen. Well you hoped, but oh my god.

You actually ended up right where and with who you wanted to be with, speaking of…Beca had told you to meet her after in one of the offices.

Don't get too excited, you're sure it's not that kind of meeting it's strictly business. But you can't help you're mind form going there.

You've never been in this side of the building most especially in this office, if you could call it that for it looked unlike any office you'd seen before save for the sleek desk and chair that you assume was put there to make it seem like it was, but from what you can see, this space it's completely Beca's. It sorta looks like a smaller version of her secret crib.

"Hey." Beca says and you jump, you were so absorbed with everything you hadn't heard her approaching.

"Hey." you say as you turn to face her. "So."

"So?" she echoes her grin cheeky, her smirk in place.

"What do we do now?" a smile playing on your own lips.

"Anything and Everything."

"Sounds awesome."

"You have no idea."


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We've got bechloe as coach and contestant. Let's see how these two work together an get ready for the knockout rounds

Chap 10

"So..." Beca continues, her back resting on the desk-you've yet to say anything else. The two of you are grinning like fools, suddenly at a lost for words.

"So..." you say once again, only to break this weirdly drawn out moment and you giggle, suddenly excited, struck by a good kind of nervous, realising that this- the two of you together, alone - would become a regular thing now with one on one sessions for Knock out rounds and then for the top four positions.

Not that you ever needed an excuse to see her, but now, you have no choice but to be with each other as often and as long as you like, and you've never been happier. You are sure this wouldn't just be all work. There'd be some play, a lot of play, play time with Beca. Working into the late nights with Beca.

Did the room suddenly get hotter?

"Enough with the 'so's'. Okay Chloe, would you like to start our ultimate pairing by saying something, anything? A speech about how grateful you are yadda, yadda?" Beca says with a mock air about her, gesturing with her hand and offering it out to you, as if for you to kiss it. You smack it out of the way, not too roughly though your hands linger, tangle a bit and you feel a jolt.

_Hands, touchin' hands Reachin' out, touchin' me, touchin' you…_

You'd never thought something as little as two palms coming into contact could feel so intimate. You eventually drop your hand to your side and Beca joins hers together, rubbing them. It didn't seem as though she felt it, the electricity almost like magic, this current running between the two of you at all times.

It just can't be you feeling it, can it?

"Well...Thanks for choosing me this time," you finally get out. You take the seat while she continues to sit astride the desk.

"Of course, I do owe you that after being too boneheaded the first time..." She nudges you with her leg. You refrain from reacting, because even reaching a hand to push it away, to touch said shapely leg-it would be too much and you're already exercising extreme restraint- wanting to continue touching her. But, you think you won't be able to stop if you started, so you don't.

Why is everything affecting you? She isn't even doing anything, she doesn't have to, but with every little contact that she initiates-her wanting to reach out and touch you - it does things to you... It feels like something has changed, that she really is committed to this whole friend thing.

"Hey, you said it not me, so c'mon. I feel like I've told you everything about me...Why don't you say some stuff about yourself?"

"This isn't usually how it works."

"It's exactly how it works, besides aren't I supposed to trust my coach, have some sort of "bond"?"

"C'mon. We already have the bond... And, I'm actually not good at the opening up about myself part. I mean I can tell people stuff off the top of my head, but not the deep things, like feelings and mushy stuff. I don't really have that many girlfriends to talk about all the feelings with. I mean I do have friends that are girls, but they're all much older and are pretty much past the whole gossiping part of their lives. I mean I do talk to B about Blue Ivy and we do share thoughts and ideas for music with each other sometimes. And the celebrities my-our age… I can't really hang with most of their drama."

"Well now you have me and unfortunately, I like all of those things; feelings, mush. Hmm-just start with something random, ask anything at all, like the game we played that time..."

"The epic one day road trip! How could I forget? But, you're good at that, you're quite random yourself. So, you come up with it..."

"Okay, that's true, so I won't take offense for that...Uhm so... What do you-like what do you uh- sing in the shower?"

 _'Okay, what and where did that come from?_ ' you think to youself, but whatever you'll go with it. Beca in the shower thoughts aren't really helping you in the not wanting to jump her area.

What's happening to you? It's like you can barely function.

Beca seemed to consider the question seriously, doing that adorable thing where she wrinkles her nose she absentmidedly brings up a hand mushes up her hair (I mean everyone does that, but on Beca, the simplest actions were the right mix of sexy and uber adorableness).

"Well, right now-I mean I do love a good Katy Perry song. Lemme see there's I kissed a girl and Mannequin, and also Roar's fun, but my go-to is the awesome mix Titanium. It still has the staying power. How about you?"

"Ohmygod-Jinx!"

"No really, you know David Guetta?"

"Have I been living under a rock? Of course! Why wouldn't I know him?"

"Nothing, sorry. I had you pegged as someone who liked the classics more. The Lettermen, Simon and Garfunkel, perhaps some Celine Dion, Whitney, some old school musicals, maybe disney-something light...less complex... From what I've seen and heard from you so far..."

"Hey! Just because I was part of an a cappella group! I'll have you know we have variety-We covered modern songs and classics. For me, it's just good music, but I love all kinds of music just in general. When I hear something playing anywhere and I like it, it's kinda like an inherent thing that I have to find out where it comes from-its source-almost to an obsessive capacity."

"I know what you mean. When I have a song in my head, or a tune, I just have to get it down. I'm always carrying around a piece of paper and a pen, even a recorder or my laptop, just in case I get inspired."

"So the bad ass Beca Mitchell sings in the shower... Maybe I'd join in- I could totally work the acoustics in a shower."

"For some reason, I can totally imagine you sneaking into someone's shower just to harmonize with them."

"Yeah I'll be doing more than singing in there, I mean that song is my jam, my lady jam."

"Okay..."Beca's expression changed. What had felt light and flirty had gone spiraling down fast. Oh God. You and your big mouth, of course she didn't want to hear that! Good job Chloe you scared the shit out of Beca.

"Um-er sorry. I dunno why I said that..." Quick is the apology to spill from your tongue. God never again.

"That's alright..." Beca says, her eyes are avoiding yours cheeks, a bright red, and it dawns on you; what had seemed like shock at first, actually became quite clear to show that she wasn't disgusted. She was shy and embarrassed for you, for herself, maybe both?

You try to gauge her reaction.

"So do you want to sing it?" you say with an accompanying smirk, wishing it was as effective and as disarming as Beca's own. You leave your seat and get up close to Beca, placing both arms on either side of her, effectively trapping her between your arms in uncharacteristically bold gesture.

"Chloe!" Cocky, confident Beca Mitchell was and always is a major turn on, but it's totally hot and downright adorable how flustered a suddenly shy Beca Mitchell becomes. It warms your heart as she stutters and gets nervous. You see her face become even brighter.

"Not for that reason!" You say pulling back, wanting to take it easy on her. No use scaring the girl off. Man she's so red right now, you're wondering if she's flushing everywhere.

"I am not going to sing that song with you!" She say adamantly as she crosses her arms to add to the effect.

"C'mon you totally want to..."

"Why would I, we're suppose to be rehearsing, you're the one who is supposed to be singing."

"I won't if you won't. Anyway, that's why we'll be doing it together, aren't you a bit curious-I'm sure we'll sound...magical."

You try pulling her to her feet- you play down the tingles you get from that brief contact.

An exasperated sigh leaves her lips but she stands up anyway and you then hear that beautiful voice starting the chorus...

_I'm bulletproof nothing to lose_

…and before you know it you're harmonising…

_Fire away, fire away_

_Ricochet, you take your aim_

_Fire away, fire away_

…and not only Beca is shocked by how amazing it sounds-how amazing her warm deep tone goes with your richer higher one, but her eyes can't stay still, darting between either of yours, nervous still not quite believing she's agreeing to this but her smile continues to grows by the second.

_You shoot me down, but I won't fall_

_I am Titanium_

There's a furrow in her brow.

_You shoot me down, but I won't fall_

_I am Titanium_

That last note was hauntingly beautiful, you can hardly believe it was the two of you. Well you and her making that beautiful sound.

You feel warmth traveling everywhere. That wasn't just two people singing. Right there and then she had connected with you. She had bared herself open to you the only way she knows how - through music.

Almost as if to break that intense overpowering state that you had once again gone into, Beca speaks first.

"Okay, that wasn't too bad." she says offhandedly, playing it off. You don't believe her for a second. She felt it you are sure of it, you've got all kinds of crazy chemistry going on, it even manifested in your singing together.

"Are you kidding me? That was more than good, that was tremendous. We should totally do more duets together-"

"You, Chloe Beale, are quite pushy."

"And you are quite the pushover."

And if that were true you believe one of theses days you could drag her to a washroom to try out the acoustics and maybe do the whole Titanium duet in there. But that will have to wait for some other time. This is enough for the day.

"Is that what you'll be singing for Knockout rounds? I mean it sounds amazing and all-"

"I know right?" you say sounding as ditzy as you can.

"I know you like making things personal, but I hardly think you want it to be that kind of personal when you peform on stage."

"Yeah, so what do you think? Any ideas?"

"What do you want to sing, maybe something current?"

"I quite liked 'Wrecking Ball'-"

"Ah, yeah that old gem- it is a nice song...yeah okay I'll write that down as one of your choices we can practice that tomorrow."

Beca gets out her tablet,

"I'm putting you on top of my itinerary for tomorrow." She's placing you in her to do list, haha _'to do_ ' list. Yes please. Do you really have to wait 'till tomorrow?

"Please don't tell me you want to stage it similarly to the music video."

"No, I won't be baring my lady bits amidst swinging on something or making out with a sledgehammer anytime soon-I'm not quite ready for that though I'm not saying I'm not confident with all of this, cos I totally am..."

"Yeah...you should be. "

You suppress the goofy grin and fight down the blush from that complement. You especially like how Beca gives it so breezily like it's just a normal truth.

"Okay thinking about it, it's an excellent choice, we can totally rework it so it'll have a fresh sound but still retain the same impact, and hype it had when it had first come out--though with a lot less baring of the skin, and more baring of the soul. When you get over the visuals, the actual message of the song is that with loving uninhibitedly you can't escape getting hurt by the one you love... it's so authentic, so raw and emotional." Her eyes are momentarily dazed, faraway. She clears her throat, "I mean that's what she was trying to convey through the lyrics. " Beca say glancing at her watch.

"Since we are done for today, here's what I want you to do in preparation for when we meet two days from now. I want you to review the lyrics, you don't have to memorise it just yet, I just want you to maybe read it aloud. Then you can tell me what you think the lyrics are saying, it's meaning for you."

"Homework, really?"

"Yes-It'll help when you perform...You want theatrics, you want performance. I like it when you dedicate songs to people, but I want you to own that stage to emote, feel that song. I dunno. Make up a story or a scenario where that song Wrecking Ball applies. Draw from some previous, current heartbreak..." She's picking up things here and there tossing them into her bag, some papers, unplugging her laptop. I guess she's bringing work home, or home to work...Her office as well as her crib was such a beautiful mix of both.

"So it's late, do you have anything to do or anywhere else to go tonight?" she says finally straightening after giving up on zipping her bag shut.

"No, well I'm beat...Got to rest all of the excitement off, because now that I have a spot in your top 6, I can finally sleep peacefully."

"Hey you know... I could pass by your place on the way to where I'm going. I don't think it'll be too far off."

"Okay... wait. You know where I live?"

"Uh No...I meant you'll tell me where to go and since I don't have anything to do, it won't be a bother."

* * *

You find yourself in her beautiful refurbished classic car, she's prepared this time. She brought her own ipod. She starts the car, the music she had been playing previously comes on. You recognize the song from the intro.

You start to humm along till the lyrics come on Beca' singing the song under her breath.

_I don't like walking around this old and empty house._

The next line comes and you sing along

_So hold my hand, I'll walk with you my dear_

Beca quickly glances your way. She looks pleasantly surprised. She doesn't say anything to you, which prompts you to say "Why are you always so surprised that I know the songs you like? I'd like to think I have excellent taste in music."

She scoffs "Justin Beiber?"

"He has nice songs!"

"They're all lame, unoriginal or inspired by old songs that he just modernized. His new songs can  barely be classified as songs. Dance music maybe?"

"Says the dj."

"I make music. And I make sure when I make it that they not only happen to be catchy and or have a good beat, they're supposed to do more, they're meant to illicit emotions, feelings."

 "Well we can't all be you now can we?" She frowns. You both sigh. You can't let it pass and can't resist adding."What about his earlier hit songs they were sweet, One time? Baby? Love Me?"

"Like I said-exactly in that order One Time is his lamest song plus he sounded like a chipmunk, Baby was catchy but it has the unoriginal, least thought of lyrics, and Love me was a remake of the Cardigans 'Lovefool' I rest my case. " You don't reply, you're still musing over what she just said

"Chloe, I'm not insulting you or your taste in music. I don't wanna fight over him of all people, but I have my limit's. No Justin Beiber ever in this car or ever in my presence. I already gave in with the whole One Direction thing-let's just agree to disagree." She turns up the music.

_Cause though the truth may vary_

_this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore._

 

"Come on...what use is our dynamic duet if you won't join in...See I'm singing loudly now, you just have to sing along. Sing with me Chloe!"

_There's an old voice in my head_

_that's holding me back_

_Well tell her that I miss our little talk_ s

 

"I miss you singing with me...C'mon you know you want to..."

You laugh at her antics trying to get you to sing with her, and you give in in a heartbeat.

 

_Soon it will all be over, buried with our past_

_We used to play outside when we were young_

_and full of life and full of love._

_Some days I feel like I'm wrong when I am right._

_Your mind is playing tricks on you my dear._

_Cause though the truth may vary_

_This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore_

_Hey!_

_Don't listen to a word I say_

_Hey!_

_The screams all sound the same._

_Hey!_

 

You finish the song and it fades into another one.

_There is no combination of words I could put on the back of a postcard_

_No song that I could sing, but I can try for your heart_

_Our dreams, and they are made out of real things_

_Like a, shoebox of photographs_

_With sepia-toned loving_

_Love is the answer,_

_At least for most of the questions in my heart_

_Like why are we here? And where do we go?_

_And how come it's so hard?_

_It's not always easy and_

_Sometimes life can be deceiving_

_I'll tell you one thing, it's always better when we're together.  
_

So true-You and Beca were always better together...

* * *

You think you fell asleep, 'cos before you know it, you're pulling up right outside your apartment.

"Chloe, Chlo-Wake up sleepyhead. We're here." She gently shakes you, quickly checking to see if you're awake. She leans in close, you're taking everything in in flashes as your eyes try to focus to remain wide open. Beca has this surprisingly tender look on her face "Hey there. I didn't want to have to wake you, but I think it'd be better to move to your more comfy bed-"

"Mff-" you mumble, too tired to form words. You start to move out of your seat.

"Let me." she says, reaching over to unbuckle your seat belt, then racing out of her car door.

"So I'll see you in two days time?" Beca says after she comes to a stop right outside your side of the car as she opens it for you. All that time you could've spent with Beca, lost. You just  _had_  to fall asleep...

You are still out of it. You blink, rub your fists over your eyes, glance around for a few more seconds, not quite ready to accept that you are really home.

You're surprised Beca didn't need much directing getting you there,

Guess she knew her way around the area. You don't even stop to wonder why though-you're too preoccupied with wanting to prolong your time before parting...'till suddenly a thought strikes you. She said she had nothing to do, it's worth giving it a try.

"Hey you want to comes upstairs?"

"Uh-I don't think that's a good idea, remember what happened last time...I have to be somewhere early tomorrow so-"Beca says, sounding sorry.

To you she seems unsure, her mind not quite made up, you just need to convince her to stay.

"I can't let you go back out in the road without at least drinking a coffee first, you brought me across town. The least I can do is say thank you and prepare a grateful coffee."

"Hey, It's no problem, you're my... my friend right?"

"Yeah." you tilt your head, give an accompanying pout and bat your eyes excessively. Which causes Beca to sigh,

"Yeah, so how's about that coffee?"

* * *

Sweet Caroline-Neil Diamond (briefly)

Of Monsters and Men - Little Talks but there's an awesome Julia Sheer & Jon D Cover

Jack Johnson-Better Together- just because I love the lines of this song :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N This is a pretty light chapter-More to Come soon! Hopefully within the next couple of days. Keep reviewing- they make my heart sing like the whole Barden Bellas are in there-I mean they are...Pitch Perfect and all it's characters are in my heart, but there's still room-for your reviews...so yeah :))) Please review?
> 
> ****


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe gets the girl home. What's in store with alone time, beds, and fan memorabilia galore

Chapter 11

As you climb up the steps to your apartment, you're trying to remember if you left anything incriminating, or downright embarrassing out for normal people, never mind Beca, to find.

"Er uh can you give me a five minute headstart? I need to make the place uh presentable."

"Dude it's no problem, I want to see you in your natural habitat."

"Ah yes, you could say it is sorta a jungle in there...Ah stay here five minutes, okay...While I create a semblance of order up there."

"Okay-" You don't hear the rest of her sentence as you race up the flights of stairs, unlocking your door and start throwing this and that into your closet. She'll never see your fan collection-your posters, her DVD's. You leave it in the drawer under your bed that contains your more private items. You are closing the drawer when;

"Is that the poster from my Broadway days?" The voice comes behind you, standing at the doorway. In your haste you had failed to close it properly. You want to slam the door, but that just wouldn't be polite. Beca strides into you apartment without your permission, finding the framed poster that you'd left on the wall, lifting it off.

"Uh...No, Yes...I didn't know I had that," you say, trying to snatch it out of her hands, which she evades quite well.

"I though they sold out. There were three in circulation and one went to some museum, I have another and they said a fan bought the final one... You aren't the crazy obsessed fan are you?"

"No, not me...no siree, No...And what are you doing up here? I said five minutes, can't you count?"

"Okay I totally believe you..What were you doing? Hiding what you don't want me to see? Hey I remember this. It's from that video game movie I starred in," Beca says, picking up the movies signed script. "My, my you have quite the collection. How did you get this stuff?" She's freely striding across the living room, while you settle on your comfy couch feeling your knees give way. This was worse than the times that you were caught doing embarrassing things by your relatives and trust me, there were many an occasion; the whole making out with the television wasn't even the worse that can come to mind...

"Ebay...Amongst other places."

She's still grinning widely to herself, staring you down...Yeah this situation was soo funny.

"Okay fine! I'm freaking obsesed with you. Are you sufficiently weirded out now?"

"No, I'm actually extremely flattered... It's kinda cool being friends with an actual die-hard fan...You carry yourself around me pretty well."

"You mean I'm not salivating at your mere presence? I know you're an actual person. I wanted to treat you like one. I didn't just want you to be a face on a screen."

"You wanted us to be friends? Well you got what you wanted, man you are resolute... I didn't really make it easy for you, for anyone really, to get close."

"Well you're worth it..."

"I'm happy you seem to think so. I suck at letting people in. You may not believe it, but I've always had trust issues to begin with. And being in this business for as long as I have, you learn a few things about people. There are two kinds, not just here but in life, the genuine ones and the ones only in it for themselves. And sometimes the good kind, they don't last that long either."

"For as long as I can remember, people have always wanted something from me; my managers, my fans, everyone I have come across."

"Of course people want you." I want you.

"People want something  _from_  me, but they don't want me. If they knew me, no one would."

"But  _I_  want to know you for you…"

"Why? I don't get you Chloe. What can you possibly find so appealing about me? I'm pretty sure I have more emotional baggage than anyone you know. I'm the exact opposite of you, I keep people at arm's length, I don't like change - I never have -and maybe I'm a bit pushy because I'm a perfectionist with my craft, with music. It's all I've ever known...It's what I'm good at. And with it, I'm in control. I can produce things exactly the way  _I_  want them. I know what's right, but with any thing else I'm a mess, Chloe. I like to test people-I make people work for it...I know it's mean and wrong, but I need to see the ones who really want to stick around..."

"That's why I stick with people that I've known long enough to generate trust. Jesse and mine's relationship has been tried and tested throughout this time-he was there for me when I lost my mom-he's always been around and I can't see a life without him in it.

"That's why it's so new-what I feel when i'm with you Chloe. I've never had to depend on another person, let alone trust someone completely and in such a short amount of time. I don't know what it is about you, you're different. Our friendship is one of the most completley unselfish relationships I've ever had...You don't want anything from me, you aren't forcing me to give you something I can't give, trying to mould me to something I'm not... It's nice."

Yeah for sure, you aren't any different from the millions of people who'd like to get to know her, but maybe you're a little bit lucky?

A while back you'd be happy with her proclaiming, even acknowledging, the whole firendship aloud. Sure you feel great, but you don't like where she is placing you. You swore to god you'd never get trapped in the whole friendzone, something you missed narrowly and thankfully with Aubrey.

She seems to recover from her rant, as she settles back into her usual breezy, unaffected self.

"Man see that's why I avoid discussing these kinds of things. I believe I've put a damper to the evening... Let's pick another activity something less depressing... Something warm and delicious and that feels good," she says, getting closer to you.

"Like what?" you gulp, afraid to blink. This is the closest you've been to her face where she wasn't behind a screen or unconscious. Looks like she doesn't have a problem pressing up to you, your faces mere inches apart. You let your eyes drift.

Don't stare at her lips, don't stare, wait. Oh you're staring...

"Like... Drinking coffee?" she says, stopping. She's trying not to laugh when she starts pulling back.

"Coffee?" you say your mind's still blank. Just a mere second ago all you had to do was move your head a fraction of an inch and your lips would've touched...

That was mean, she knows of your little crush and she's making fun of you.

"I do recall that's why you invited me up here, unless you had other ideas." She's waggling her eyebrows, you think this is revenge for making her squirm a while ago. You move away to hide your blush. You head into the kitchen, preparing your coffee maker. Baca's laughing as she follows you.

"Can I help?" She hovers around, looking at you expectantly, unacustomed to not doing anything while you move around in the kitchen... While you move for the sake of moving; unloading the dishwasher, sorting through cabinets- as you can't really look at her right now.

"You can get some Krispy Creme donuts out of the refrigerator and heat them." Your voice is clipped.

"Righto. Yay it's the Origional glazed, my fave. There are three, so do we get one each and split the last?" she asks as she loads the donuts into the microwave oven set for a few seconds.

"Sure."

Beca Mitchell is in your kitchen and no matter how hard you try not to look at her, it can't be helped. It's quite distracting, the two of you are preparing something to eat, seamlessly moving around. It feels so domestic.

"Thank God you have food, I'm a terrible cook. I annihalate eggs like completely when I try to cook them."

"That's just sad," you say curtly, when you once again turn to check on the coffee.

"Are you mad or something?" You twitch in irritation not bothering to give an actual reply.

"Seriously dude, you can't be mad. Must we always fight, can't we just go ahead to the kiss and make-up part?" She once again tries to get into your space.

"Dude? I want my personal space back."

"You of all people are saying that…" she says shaking her head.

"What are you saying?

"Oh C'mon tell me you ever do that for other people."

But she backs away when you both hear the microwave go off. She's quick to attend to it, and in her haste she grabs for the donuts and burns herself on the metal of the grill.

"Shit!"

You quickly grab her hand and put it under the cool running water in the sink. You gingerly hold her hand, letting the water run for a while. Then, you place it atop a towel and run to get your first aid kit.

"You happy I got hurt?" she says soft and childlike-making you feel a little guilty.

"Of course not..." you say trying to remain crisp, but it's no use the petty fight's far from your mind now.

"Sorry," you both say at the same time, as you grab a chair for her.

"About the burn..?" " Beca, it's okay. "

"I don't think it's that bad. It doesn't hurt." she says, backing away from you-refusing to sit still. You have no choice but to not-so-gently hold her in place.

"I'll tell you whether it's bad or not," you say, absorbed in covering the burn with dry bandage and clean dressing, making sure to wrap it securely, not putting too much pressure on it.

"This will prevent any air from seeping in as well as protect the blister. Take an ibuprofen."

"As do most bandages..." she says, wincing lightly,

"Sorry." you say, cringing inwardly for every involuntary movement, every sigh of pain Beca gives. You never ever wanted to be the cause of her pain, you resolve to keep yourself from doing so in the future.

"Say, you're pretty good at this," Beca says, looking mightily relieved as you neatly tape the gauze down, finishing with a flourish.

"My Mom's a nurse, so I know basic first aid. Also, I actually considered taking up medicine but SPED called to me."

"Wow, see now that's a job to be proud of. Better than being a producer, making music that will be forgotten, replaced easily." you look up, " No for real, you're actually making a difference in other people's lives. You are a truly, good person-I admire you a lot Chloe."

"Oh C'mon" you say flushed, overwhelmed and unacustomed to such exhuberant praise, "We all have our callings. We all do our part to help others and your music...you… Whatever you think, your music, it made a difference in my life. I'm sure it has made an impact on many others too..."

"Thanks," she says, looking pensive all of a sudden. She seems to make up her mind and in a quick movement you are caught unaware by her leaning over to plant a soft kiss on your cheek.

"The coffee's ready I think..." you murmur, once again transfixed by her breathing in, wallowing in her proximity as neither of you move away this time.

Suddenly, you are startled by the front door swinging wide open.

"Chloe, honey I'm home! I have our favorite dinner to celebrate you getting past the battle rounds!" She moves into the kitchen oblivious of Beca's presence. "Can I get a woot, woot?"

She seems really happy. Did she just win a case? Get lucky perhaps? Probably the latter, she did have a date with her on again, off again boyfriend, Skylar.

"Aubrey..."

"Why aren't you jumping off the wall? This is your dream come true! You are in Beca's team girl, by the way what did you two get up to? Last you texted, you said you were going to have a word with your dream coach."

"Aubrey..."

"What?" she says, finally turning around after she puts your plates on the dining table. She freezes when she finally sees Beca, who waves weakly from the couch.

"She decided to come over..." you say.

"Hi!" Beca says,standing up and offering her hand. Aubrey's throwing a quick subtle glare your way, but you don't miss the curiosity behind it as she stares at the two of you.

"Hi." She gives Beca a good firm handshake and you don't miss her sizing Beca up.

You see the conflict between the two. Does she do the threatening thing, the whole interrogation to weigh out Beca's intentions for you. Or, does she act polite, even fangirl for a little while. She knows who Beca is, no matter how indifferent she may claim to be to her awesomeness.

"Uh...join us." Aubrey says, finally making up her mind, not quite letting go of Beca's hand.

"I was just stopping for a quick dessert...I really have to be going." You are torn with wanting to get Beca safely away and wanting her to stay.

"Nonsense, the two of you were just getting cozy," Aubrey says pulling Beca to sit back down.

"I do have a business meeting I can't miss. And uh, the coffee was uh good, Chloe. I'll let myself out," she says pulling at her hand, and manages to yank it-she rubs it.

Dude manhandling, Beca could toatally sue Aubrey for assault or something.

"But you've barely touched anything, I insist." _What are you doing?_  you mouth to Aurey behind Beca's back.

You are wondering who will budge, but these are the two of the most resolute people you've ever met. Beca blinks, "Okay...I'll just call my assistant up to change my plans then...Excuse me. Is there a place I can take a call?" she asks, looking around the living room. You have no choice but to show her into your room.

You close the door gently, trying to give her privacy.

What is happening? The only bonus part is that you do finally get Beca Mitchell into your bedroom.

"You can thank me later," Aubrey says in a sing-song voice, looking so self-satisfied when she winks at you.

Aubrey and Beca, two very important girls in your life would be spending time together, presumably bonding and getting to know each other. You have a feeling that this is is going to be interesting...

* * *

Up Next: Aubrey VS Beca, also Knockout Rounds preparations, practices, performances. lemme know what you think Also You guys can help- maybe recommend songs for the contestants to sing, for group numbers, knock out rounds, coach performances...I'm all ears. I'll put it in if I really like it :)


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So its best friend intimidation time over dinner! How's Beca gonna handle the pressure? And back to preshow practices with our lovely lady contestants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies! Here's the next chapter, couldn't keep you guys waiting.
> 
> Hope you like it :D

Chap 12

To say that dinner between the three of you was awkward was possibly one of the biggest understatements of the year. Aubrey didn't make it easy; torn between her duties as your friend, wanting you to be happy, as well as you protector. She was also equal parts your mother, what with all the embarrassing stories she could tell about you.

"You know, Chloe's been simply obsessed since we were kids. I remember that she used to act out scenes from the movies you starred in. She would memorise them from start to finish, word for word. She usually played the part of your love interest…"

"Yeah… Or so I heard."

"And you're okay with that?"

"Well, I don't mind…I'm quite a big fan of hers as well. I just don't go all extreme."

"Extreme… Yeah that's Chloe whenever she really sets her eye on something...Or someone…" Aubrey says, smiling when you send death glares her way, just enjoying watching you squirm.

"She actually did this video, well we were drunk when we made it. She danced in her underwear with one of those cardboard figures of you that she has... It was so hilarious!" Oh. no. she. did-n't, You can't believe she would mention cardboard Beca to Beca.

"You're lying. No such video exists," you assure Beca. To Aubrey however, you pull closer. "I thought we deleted that?"

"No. You told me to when we were still buzzed. I woke up in the morning and saw it. It was too good to delete, so I saved it for future use... For something like this..."

Trust Aubrey to keep something like that over your head...

She should talk. Extreme is exactly how Aubrey was being with the non-stop constant interrogation.

"What happened to your hand? Did you uh hurt it, or over-exert it in someway? Were you guys busy this afternoon?" Aubrey says, poker faced. Your eyes narrow as the corner of her mouth twitches.

"No-I burnt it...Stupidly. I was trying to get donuts out of the oven," Beca answers oblivious. You are frowning, less than amused at Aubrey's look and tone of fake concern that you can totally see right though.

"You should definitely have it checked, you wouldn't want to completely lose it's function. I'm sure it's worth a lot to some people-to Ch-" You swiftly kick her shin underneath the table. You're smiling widely, hoping Beca didn't notice the table shake, or Aubrey muttering "That hurt Bitch."

"What?" Beca asks, glancing at the both of you. So much for not being obvious.

"My knee really itches- My knee's twitching," you say, eyes wide as Beca looks at you with concern. Inwardly you're shaking your head at yourself. ' _My knee itches? Who says that?'_

"I said uh, how is it? Did Chloe take care of it?"

"Yeah. She acted really quickly-I hardly feel any pain. She took very good care of me."

"I'm sure... So, do you guys hang out a lot?"

"You could say that. We don't really have a lot of choice," Beca kids, still in a politely happy way. As she winks at you, you stick your tongue back out at her, which momentarily lightens things.

Aubrey, however, is quick to fire another question.

"Is this the first time Beca's been over?" She's aiming the question at you but it's Beca who answers.

"Yes."

"For coffee, you're the one who insisted she stay for dinner. Not the Spanish Inquisition." you say bitingly, through your smile.

"Well, this is us entertaining her, getting know her; it's dinner talk, polite conversation. You don't mind do you Beca?" Aubrey says shifting her practiced, manipulative smile at Beca.

"Uh, yes, I mean no... It's quite alright." She's too well-groomed, too nice to say anything but cracks are starting to show. Beca had had a long day and you know she was looking forward to a nice relaxing evening. You thought you'd be able to provide that, something nice. Beca-Chloe together alone time, some coffee, some more cutesy, almost moments. Maybe this time fate would be on your side and something would happen. Something  _had_  to happen. But no, Aubrey had to show up... You had been too caught up with Beca that you hadn't thought to...warn, no maybe _force_  Aubrey to stay away.

But you couldn't do that to her, even if right now you wish you had... She was taking her role as protective older sister way too seriously.

"So Beca, where's your fiancée? I heard he left the country to tour with one of the up and coming artists on your label."

"Yeah, it's for promotions. And some live shows to get our new talents on the label out there. It's nothing big yet...But yeah, he'll be gone for two-three more weeks it depends if they push through to go out of the country, to London I think."

"So... All the make-up, the tattoos, the ear monstrosities. I was wondering, is that an image thing? Like your brand and like for alt music, or is that really you? I mean-you're a professional now and that look would've been okay like in high school to college, but… I'm just wondering, how do people take you seriously when you look just like a collegiate alt chick?"

"Aubrey!" you hiss; that one was too much, even for her.

"Uh..."

"You don't really need to answer that." you say quickly, you're a bit embarrassed to look Beca in the eye after that.

"No I'm used to all kinds of silly questions. But yes. I'm sorry if it offends you, but I don't let other people dictate how I look, how I act or who I am." Beca says her tone curt.

You really should have found a way to cut Aubrey off before she had gotten over her mild starstruck-ness, you could have avoided all the questions which had steadily become even more invasive and probing, all together-the downside of having a lawyer for a best friend.

Interrogation, the ability to make a person feel ill at ease, was what she was good at. What she was paid to do. You could safely assume that Beca wouldn't be coming over again anytime soon.

You gave Aubrey a good talking to afterwards- while you were cleaning up, but she remained adamant and unapologetic about how she had acted.

"So what was your plan? To scare her away?" you can't even muster enough strength to convey how pissed you are at her, the evening had taken a lot out of you.

"No... She handled herself pretty well actually." God you could totally lose it at how calm, casual and unaffected Aubrey sounds briskly carrying out her task of putting away the clean dishes while you dry them.

"And...what...what does that even mean? Do you like her now?" You say, barely containing the annoyance, the frustration showing in your voice.

"Meh, she isn't the completely overrated musician air-head I thought her to be. What does it matter what I think of her anyhow? You're the one who has to be around her all the time." Aubrey says completely dismissing your concerns. You really want to throw the last plate at her.

"You're my best friend and I really wanted you to like her for me. And that's it? That's all you have after you grilled her for hours?" you almost shout already at the end of your rope,

"We barely spent five minutes alone with each other to actually get to know each other... Anywho, I'm beat. See you in the morning." Aubrey says leaving the room, leaving you with no place to direct your anger, you kick at the nearest object- the rubbish bin just to get everything out.

This evening, you sort of expected it to be a bust what with Aubrey showing up early and getting in between your alone-at-home time with Beca. But you thought you could turn it around, enjoy being around the two girls who meant the world to you. It kinda sucked that it ended with neither girl warming up to each other at all. You really do want them getting along. Was it too much to ask for them to be able to get along?

Aubrey was right, they barely spent time alone to actually like each other. You're sure they did have something in common. I mean, they had you right?

And out of nowhere, a plan hatches in your mind.

Thanks Aubrey. She really was a smart one.

* * *

_**Three days later...** _

You're leaning against the ledge of the second floor of the office building, overlooking the entrance. You're glancing every other second at your wristwatch, when right on time, "Hey Chloe!" Beca runs up to you as soon as she exits the elevator and spots you.

"Hi-someone's excited. Did ya miss me?" you laugh.

"Nah.." she replies, much less enthusiastic, schooling her features to appear as if it was so. It almost looked convincing. You swat at her and she dodges it, laughing. "Dude stop fishing...Yeah, I missed you! Happy?"

"Ecstatic," you say grinning widely, to which Beca rolls her eyes. And it's true: it never gets old. You still feel the giddy, overly happy. Ecstatic could barely describe the ever present sensation you get whenever you're around her.

Beca's still shaking her head when she stops and her attention gets pulled away, when she starts looking, focusing on something behind you...

"Oh, she's here-Audrey, your blonde friend's here..."

"Aubrey?" You turn around quickly and see Aubrey looking around. You're contemplating either texting her or just calling her attention, as she hadn't spotted the two of you yet.

"Oh Yeah...She texted me saying she was free from work. She wanted to come see my practice session. Is that alright?"

"Huh? Yeah..." Beca's frowning, her eyes still locked on Aubrey's figure.

Wait, what? Is she checking Aubrey out? No, that's stupid. The whole interaction between them the last night was full of tension... Sexual tension. You really are paranoid Chloe…

"When you guys hang out, do you ever get the comment that you're like ketchup and mustard?" she says all of a sudden causing you to laugh lightly.

"And you say I'm the random one."

"Hmm it's pretty appropriate if you think. Ketchup's yummy and kinda sweet, whilst mustard's sour and a little spicy - not for everyones taste."

"Okay... Why do you say that?"

"Well, your friend-"

"Aubrey..." you supply, wondering where this is going.

"The first time we met, well it wasn't the most, uh, usual reaction I get from people. She gave me this look of a dismissive elevator; up and down, like she was scrutinizing me. And her inquisition- did I pass her test? Can I still hang around you?" Beca turns to you smirking, with her usual uncaring attitude, but you know it to be an act- at the question towards the end- you're sure you heard a slight peek of nerves.

"Sorry about her. She's usually...better than how she was. You'll get used to her." you say consolingly, patting her arm.

"Why do I have to get used to her?" Beca says all whiny, pouting slightly. And she calls herself a bad ass? She should see herself right now.

"Well she's my best friend. You'll run into each other often."

"Okay yeah, so I'll just be okay with her and her blatant dislike of me and my whole appearance. She said something about my ear monstrosities?"

"Yeah, she's not really a fan of the wholebody art either..."

"What is her deal?"

"Ah...I think you can realate to her actually. Daddy issues-her dad was in the military and he grilled her all her life. I remember one thing that he said to Aubrey that's really stuck with her and I. Something like 'If at first you don't succeed, pack your bags.'"

"Wow, harsh. I can't say I like her as of now, but I will try for you... Hey blondie!" Beca calls out, cupping her hands around her mouth. It works in effectively catching Aubrey's attention.

"Aubrey," you correct. You're waving Aubrey over. She disappears from your view as she opts to skip waiting for the elevator and climbs the stairs instead to get to where the two of you are.

"Yeah I know..." Beca says laughing.

"So I'll take it she's allowed?..." you ask, riding on her good mood.

"Yeah...I'm giving you what you asked for. I'll let her hang around and maybe I'll find out why is it that she's your best friend." she says drolly.

"Yay!" you exclaim, jumping and down-you're hugging her before you know it.

"Now who's all excited?" Beca says, patting your back before she pulls away.

"I am...okay..Oh wait," you glance at your phone as if you just received a message. "I need get back to group rehearsals. You mind entertaining her? Only for a little while."

"Uh, sure," she smiles, not looking particularly happy about it. She puts on a brave face. "Yeah of course."

"Of course what?" Aubrey asks, hearing the end of your conversation.

"We'll be hanging out since I'm not really doing anything important. I'll be happy to show you around." Beca says, adopting a strangely formal tone.

"Where's Chloe going?"

"Do you ever stop asking questions?" Beca snaps, annoyance evident, quickly breaking out of her resolve to try liking Aubrey.

"Do you ever give a straight answer?" Aubrey fires back quickly.

"Yes...She has group practice, they'll be doing blocking and practising on the main stage in a bit. We can watch them from here..." Beca says as she leads the two of you to the voice studio entrance. From the second floor to where some of the audience get to sit.

"What song will they be doing?" Aubrey asks Beca, while she takes in the surroundings.

"Since You've Been Gone, My Life Would Suck Without You and Stronger. It's a Kelly Clarkson Medley." Beca responds for the two of you. You are no longer participating in the conversation, content to be silently observing the both of them.

"It's a nice idea. Who came up with it?"

"I did actually..."

"Like I said, a nice idea."

"Thanks? For a second there I thought you would withdraw the compliment..."

"Well there's no contesting your talent Beca, so no, I wouldn't dare... But it better sound awesome."

"Are you implying that I would ever come up with something that was anything but?"

"Well we all have different tastes in music."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Uh guys, I have to go..." It's pretty pointless- they've stopped paying attention to you as soon as they'd launched into their argument. You have a feeling this would drag on too long. It almost makes you doubt your genius idea.

"Yeah see you Chloe."

"See ya Clo."

* * *

You run to the dance studios where most of the girls are gathered... Stacie's stretching in front of the mirror. Yeah she was quite flexible, a fact that Cynthia Rose seemed to largely appreciate, as she was watching her from the other side of the room. You see the some of the other girls, Kori and Fat Amy run through what you'd been practising for almost a week.

"What's up C? We've been waiting for you..." Cynthia Rose says finally noticing you when she manages to pull her attention away from Stacie's but.

"Sorry bathroom break took longer than planned."

"Ah..." All the girls nod understandingly and start offering cures, possible remedies randomly.

"Need a tamp? Anti-itch cream? Insecticide cream?"

"I could teach you a few yoga poses to alleviate cramps..." Stacie says, checking out the contents of her bag.

"Birth control? Hormone pills? I have all kind of medication- What? I'm prepared for anything."

"I've got chocolate...If you're hungry." Kori says,

"Anything at all, we've got ya covered." Fat Amy nods even though she didn't offer anything. "I've got the moral support down. You wanna talk about it?"

"Uh, Thanks guys. No, um I'm okay...let's just...practice."

You run through the Kelly Clarkson number a few more times and then you guys are asked to head out to the stage.

"Who's the other blonde?" Fat Amy asks, looking interestedly at the stands to where Beca and Aubrey are hanging.

"And why is she with Coach Beca?" Cynthia Rose asks, "Is she somebody famous? Blondie's hot."

"Sorry what?...I'm the hottest blonde here." Fat Amy says scoffing.

You tune out their other speculations as you watch your two friends, trying to weigh out the situation from afar. They actually seemed to be hitting it of. Seems like you don't need to step in and break them up at all...

Almost like they can sense you staring, they turn. Beca first then Aubrey. They both start waving wildly, jokingly at you.

The girls look at you questioningly. "Yeah that's my friend Aubrey. She skipped work to watch me today...Beca was nice enough to, uh offer to keep her entertained for a bit."

The boys are done with their group session. They practised 'Please Don't' Stop the Music'. You hate that they sound so good. They definitely have all the teenage girls votes. They look so smug when they make way for you girls onstage, hooting and jumping about. Bumper most of all. He even stops to talk to everyone before he leaves "You girls are awesome...ly horrible. I hate you. Kill yourselves. Girl power! Sisters before misters!"

"Bite me..." Fat Amy says stepping up to him. The rest of you are flanking her, ready to jump in whenever, or if ever, she needs it.

"Wouldn't want to get sick on your mediocrity." Bumper grins and smoothly walks away. Then, bouncing and hollering, he shouts "Boys rule girls drool."

"It's not me who you have to worry about..You're the one whose whole being absolutely reeks of it." Fat Amy shouts after him. There's a joint effort to have to hold her back. "That No-hoper's all yabber." Fat Amy mutters once she calms down "Who wouldn't want a piece of this?"

"With guy's like him existing in this world? And people wonder why I'm gay," Cynthia Rose says.

"Let's show him. Prove him wrong," you say before you run through the performance...

* * *

"Okay that was great girls!" Beca says, coming down to the stage once you finish.

"Yeah that was pretty impressive," Aubrey agrees. "You girls are aca-amazing, way better than any of the boys."

"I like you already. She's a smart one, Chloe's friend." Fat Amy says, resting her arm over Aubrey's shoulder. The rest of the girls cheer in agreement.

"Like the great Beyoncé once said, 'Who run the world? That's right girls'," Kori says snapping her fingers.

"Lemme hear that again. Who run the world?" Fat Amy hollers.

"Girls!" Even Beca and Aubrey join in. You're in a circle, jumping up and down so hyped in the moment.

"Wait, can Chloe and I try something? Back in our a cappella days, we used to do like sound-offs like vocalising before we performed. I think this moment calls for one..."

You nod excitedly, whilst the other girls just shrug their shoulders, looking to Beca for an answer. You're practically begging with your eyes and are on full-out pout mode.

"Uh doesn't sound too bad." Beca finally says.

"Okay-how does this go?" Cynthia Rose asks.

"Okay, count to three. Like one, two, ahhhh," Aubrey and you demonstrate.

"One two uh-ahhh?" Fat Amy vocalises extending the note far longer than needed, then pauses for air and continues. "Ahhhhhh." The whole time, she is waving her hands. She ends it with a flourish.

"Wait um on three or after three?" Stacie asks...

"We have to get this right...It's not that hard." Beca says

You demonstrate it a couple more times until finally:

"One..two.." Aubrey counts,"Ahhhh." You harmonise beautifully. At the end, you are all looking at each other's faces in awe.

"Oh my god. That was amazing!" You shout unable to express your excitement any ther way.

"Aca-amazing!" Aubrey says, unable to pull away from her aca-habit of putting aca infront of aca-everything.

"Yeah-it was! It felt awesome." Beca says, equally amped.

"Woah-You know it's weird, but I feel like in another life we were meant to be competing  _with_  each other not against each other..." Stacie says seriously.

"You guys would've been amazing Bellas." You say warmly.

"Yeah," Aubrey nods.

"Yeah..but we're missing something. The most random thing I could think of...A beat-boxing asian just so we can be ethnically-diverse?" Fat Amy says seriously, nodding to herself.

"Hmm..." You guys ponder everything that's been said silently.

"So I'll see you girls for taping the day after tomorrow?" Beca says, finally breaking up the moment and everyone starts to depart.

Kori leaves ahead, "Bye girls!"

"See ya Coach." Cynthia Rose grabs Beca's hand and pats her back.

"See yah Cynth"

"Bye Coach..."

"Stacie."

"See ya aca-bitches! This has been aca-fun, I'll keep aca-doing it." Fat Amy calls out as she leaves.

Beca goes to have a word with one of the music-directors.

"Uh you don't know what you just started." You say to Aubrey after you both stop giggling.

"So, how was your day together?" you ask the two of them, once Beca makes her way back to the two of you and everyone starts walking together.

"It was aca-horrible," they say at the same time, but they laugh afterwards. Okay, should you be worried that they're sharing laughs, or have they really driven each other crazy?

"You really wanna know?"

"Yeah of course I want to know." You smile somewhat uncertainly not sure what they might say-what violent reactions they'll give.

They share a look and Beca nods.

"Okay, first we argued over who was better Christina or Brittany." Beca says "-And she was like...Britany was more popular. She could in all her glory days show Christina up. She was always the popular one in the Mickey Mouse Club days. She dated JT..." Aubrey's nodding her head, ticking each reason off on her fingers.

"I said Christina had the vocals, and...she never once went through a major downslide." Beca continues.

"Well Brittany managed to pick herself up and is doing much better nowadays. She staged a succeful comeback," says Aubrey cutting across.

"And then we got into an argument of old friends versus new friends. "

You don't know whether to take them seriously or not. They're overexaggerating their voices, stating things off-handedly.

"She was like old friends are irreplaceable-the time and the bond doesn't disappear over time. I was like it's crazy old friends like her that make people crave for new friends."

"And then I said I'd had enough and we decided to deal with our dislike for each other in a completely different way." Aubrey says dramatically, oddly sounding like she was doing a voice over for a movie trailer.

"We were facing off...Beca looked at me and I at her-" Your holding your breath-involved in their story inspite of yourself.

Then Aubrey and Beca turn to face each other, their faces impassive, giving away nothing.

"- And then a tumbleweed passed by and Aubrey was like- 'If you're looking for trouble...'" You're thrown when Beca starts singing,

"Tene tenne tenee," Aubrey mimicks the instrumentals of the familiar song Trouble by the king of Rock and Roll

"You came to the right place" Beca continued, adapting an Elvis Presley tone.

"Tenee tneee"

"If you're looking for trouble"

"Just look right in my face"

And they break up laughing... Okay...

"So you two are okay?" You say slowly making sure, still puzzled.

"Yeah, we survived your whole covert trying to get us to like each other plan." Beca shrugs, smiling slightly.

"You knew?" They both nod,

"Yeah honestly Chloe-I can see through you every time..." Aubrey's scoffing, "But this was nice. I don't mind. Taking a break from work and watching this... It really made me miss our college days-and A cappella... Just performing in general. Thank you for bringing me here." Aubrey says, taking your hand and squeezing it.

"Yeah you didn't sound half-bad. You could've joined in the competition. You'd get through." Beca says coughing, looking mildly uncomfortable at giving Aubrey a compliment.

"Nah," Aubrey says brushing off the compliment, looking flatterd against her will "-I suck under-pressure..I just meant I missed performing with people, missed being a part of a group."

"Who knows, you could all form like a girl band some day. Be the next Spice Girls or something." Beca says casually throwing an idea into the wind, but it makes the three of you pause for a second-seriously considering it.

"Yeah groups are doing really well these days. Little Mix, Fifth Harmony..." Aubrey says excitedly.

"We'll have to come up with a pretty kick-ass name..." you say enthused, and you are struck by a sudden revelation, you throw in an even wilder idea.

"Beca could join us-" you say, looking at the two of them for approval...

"Maybe I'd just be your manager, or music consultant or something..." Beca says instead, you feel a little disappointed at that but bounce back quickly.

"You'll have to deal with all of us. Can you imagine all us girls in the group? It's a crazy combination." you say giggling at the scenarios, the possibilities forming in your head.

"I'm sure we would make it work in the end." Aubrey says.

The three of you are happily chattering along when Mr. Mitchell comes storming, almost marching, up to Beca with a not-so-pleased expression on his face.

"Beca! where have you been? We have been waiting for you in the conference room..." He falters, hesitates for a second. Perhaps realising that this conversation wasn't meant for the present company.

"Miss Mitchell I need to have a word with you-" he goes on to say.

"What you ned to say, you can say in front of my friends." Beca ever the difficult one says,

"Privately..." Cameron says between gritted teeth. The change on Beca's face is instantaneous, becoming serious, cautious, her smile completely disappearing when she was still joking around and in a good mood just a second ago.

She turns to the two of you, "Okay Aubrey, Chloe I guess I'll see you around." She makes an attempt at a smile, then turns and starts to walk away, followed by her father. You watch helplessly as she is marched into one of the nearest conference rooms.

Shit; Beca was in trouble and you can't help feeling as though it was entirely your fault…


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do you think of the story so far? Pacing too slow or fast enough for you, feel like anything's missing-anything at all. Please let me know.  
> I love hearing from you guys. Keep the comments coming! :D And because I'm an overeager beaver, I have this chapter and the next to follow soon...like maybe tomorrow soon. Because I like it when everyone's happy. :)) HA-Pee! pisssss

Chap 13

The walls on this floor weren't the thickest to begin with, and with people inside the rooms not bothering to control their speaking, or in this case shouting volume, you and anyone within that particular vicinity could hear whatever was going on and what was being said quite clearly.

"Beca, where have you been?" Cameron asks, you can hear his fist pounding -on what you hope in one of the tables- lacing every other word of his sentence.

"Save it, dad." Beca says quick and dismissive-you can clearly picture her eye-roll, hear her scoff of indignation thrown in there.

Outside Conference room B12 it seemed like the entire building had come to a standstill as people surreptitiously stopped their tasks to listen in, glad to be firsthand witnesses to such celebrity drama.

"No, this behaviour isn't acceptable. You haven't been attending all the functions, you're constantly late to staff meetings. I had to look for you myself since you weren't answering any texts or calls from your assistant…" Cameron says, laying out each one of Beca's offenses, speaking with a very different tone than you normally heard-Almost warm, less measured and clipped. There was anger of course, but something else more poignant also lingered there.

"I was taking care of something." You let out a breath of relief at her covering up for you and your actions, It does nothing to alleviate the steadily growing guilt settling in the pit of your stomach..

"Always with the excuses! You better shape up your act young lady-"

"I'm not in the mood alright?" Beca's voice becomes clearer, louder. You can see her now. She hasn't completely stepped out of the room - she's hovering in the entrance - but she's ready to at any moment. She is quickly followed and stopped by Cameron.

"No. Fine you refuse to listen to me as your father and now I'm telling you as your boss...I know I have been absent from your life, but I demand respect. I may not know much about what's going on in your life right now, but the girl I raised wouldn't let anything get in the way of her profession and her dedication to her work. Where's your head these days?"

"Don't give me the I'm-so-disappointed-with-you crap 'cos I don't really care. I'm here aren't I? Let's just get straight to the meeting and not waste any more time." Her voice had a chilling edge trying to keep her anger in check. You know that she's making a supreme effort to remain calm, but her whole body's tense. Her hands are already shaking.

"No. Since you couldn't give us the courtesy of appearing on time, you're suspended. You won't get to attend the meetings or any Voice-related events, functions, shootings, unless you have an apology for the people who've been busting their asses covering up for your absences." Cameron says firmly, laying down the law.

It was like witnessing a car crash first-hand. The carnage and the violence and the impact left you shocked and yet you couldn't quite tear your attention away, as much as you really wanted to. And you were alone, witnessing everything. Aubrey had gone ahead; you parted with a hasty goodbye as you decide to stay, just in case Beca needed you.

"You can't do that!" Beca looks positively furious. She's screaming, overcome by her rage.

"I can't, can't I? Well I just did." Cameron's standing firm, refusing to back down as well. Like father like daughter. Then and there you could see the family resemblance. They were a picture of resoluteness, similar in the determined glint in their dark blue eyes, the set mouth. They stood facing each other- hands placed firmly on their hips- staring each other down, refusing to give way.

"No. I'll talk to Mark, to Jon." Beca's voice is shrill, almost  _desperate_ , grasping at straws, trying to find a way to get her way.

"They'll agree with me." Cameron sounds more tired, frustrated but less angry at this point. He makes a move, a last attempt to reach for Beca as a way of calming her down but she quickly almost forcibly pushes him away- deflecting him.

"No they won't. They practically begged me to be on the show. I'm one of the coaches-" Beca laughs derisively, trying to resume her usual confident air - but it sounds forced.

Cameron cuts across her "That was before you started. You're lucky if they'll let you keep the spot. You've yet to show them, to show  _me_  that you can take responsibility for your own actions, Beca."

"You can't tell me what to do anymore! And who are  _you_  to speak to me about responsibility, you didn't raise me, my mother did. You have no right whatsoever to even mention that to me. You may be my Father, but you aren't my Dad. You only act like it whenever it suits you. " Beca says slowly, fully intending for her words to hit him where it hurt. And she succeeds at the most part, Cameron's visibly upset- his face heavily lined- but it doesn't stop him from retaliating.

"You listen to me and you listen good. Out there, you can do what you like, since apparently I don't have a say anymore, but in here, under here and under me, you will listen. I expect commitment; I expect you to act professionally. And so basically, yes I can tell you whatever the hell I want!" Cameron shouts. You can almost feel the walls shaking, the sound reverberating all the way to where you are hiding.

You see a lot of people duck out of the way as Beca storms out of the room and into the hallway.

"What the hell are you all looking at?" Beca's face is set, barely controlling her rage. The onlookers all disperse. You try to shrink against the wall as she turns the corner and heads in your direction. She nearly passes you, but she stops and nearly bends over, breathing quickly, almost gasping for air. Your heart goes out to her. You approach her gently and put your hand on her back.

"Beca?" She flinches. She quickly looks up and her eyes are red, her emotions barely in check; she looks ready to break.

You pull her into the nearest bathroom and check that all the stalls are empty before you lock the main door. You hear the lock click successfully and you think she takes this as a sign that it was okay, that the coast was clear, as she collapses onto the floor in a heap. You hear her as she suddenly starts crying. You run over to her, concerned.

"Don't," she gets out, curling into herself, facing away from you.

"You don't," you say as you join her on the floor, forcing her to look at you. She's quieting herself, trying to muffle her crying. Right now you don't care that you're lying face down in one of the toilets, you only care that Beca is hurting.

You wrap your arms around her and she stiffens up, but you don't let go. She's too exhausted to even try pushing you away and so you continue holding her, rocking her.

* * *

And for the longest moment, all you hear is her choking down her sobs, feeling her shaking, but then, as she calms down, her breathing slows, becomes even-paced, but still laced with an occasional sniffle; a hiccough here and there.

* * *

Then, for an even longer time, silence.

You still feel her breathing, so you're not worried.

And then, out of the blue-

"I just hate that he can still do that to me, you know. Make me feel like crap for disappointing him. Whatever...I don't care about what he thinks."

You jump, a little bit shocked at her speaking after all the vacant silence. Her voice sounds hoarse.

"We both know that you care enormously about what he thinks," you gently say. And then, even softer still, "I'm sorry that I made you miss the meeting." You're saying it fervently. "I should've known you had something better to do." Her face is partly obscured by her hair, she's talking mostly to your stomach but you feel her warm, moist breaths on your lap- on your most sensitive area. Your body can't help it's response. You feel yourself clench starting from your stomach the white hot pang traveling everywhere. You feel a little bit ashamed feeling that, when right now you're supposed to be acting the friend comforting her, not someone who gets some weird enjoyment from the girl's most vulnerable state just because you get a free feel-up.

"Yeah, you're right. It is partially your fault. But, as you've noticed I haven't been particularly thrilled with the whole idea of working with him in general. That I'm forced to see him as often as I have to. Whenever there is a meeting with him in it I try to get out of them, or if I ever turn up, it's always at the very end." You shift her ever so gently, trying to move her away from that particular area.

"Isn't he present in most of the meetings?" you say idly, playing off your inner turmoil as she stays rooted on the spot.

"Exactly..." She's wiping furiously at her eyes, laughing bitterly. You pause to think of what to say next, frantically thinking of a way to open a new topic for conversation when-

"I know, you don't have to tell me I'm being stupid. I know I haven't been taking things seriously and I should just apologize and get it over with, I just don't like the idea that he thinks he can get one over me."

"It's just that every time I've ever felt bad about myself, or doubted myself, or felt insecure..." Beca swallows thickly, "…it was always his voice I heard. His voice always telling me that I wasn't worth staying for..." Her voice breaks, wavers and Beca's eyes are welling up once again, looking into yours for something to stop her pain And it's unfair really, because you already knew you were a goner when it came to her, but with Beca looking at you all broken, the most vulnerable you'd ever seen her, you know you are in real trouble now. And she's holding you as if by a chord. You're her life-line and she's holding you tightly to her.

You don't care that you've reached the point of no return. You know you've always had the option to get away, but you don't want to, you gave up on that idea a long time ago. You're entirely in it for the long haul.

You move her gently, changing your positions as you may be here for a while. You adjust your legs as you sit up and pull her so that she's lying on your chest.

"That's the first time he's shouted at me...since...ever. I just didn't think it'd hurt, that I'd get affected this much," Beca sniffles. "Especially with him saying all of those things."

You want to be the one Beca turns to whenever she needs advice. And here, you think, is a good time to prove how exemplary you were at giving it, far better you're sure, than Jesse.

"He was just acting the part of a Dad, of all parents with all the worrying, getting angry when worried, not listening to what you have to say, saying they won't judge and they'll listen but at the end they just shout at you and never give you a chance to defend yourself 'cos they think they're always right..."

You speak from experience. Parents could be  _so_  infuriating at times.

"Okay...So wait, you're saying you agree with me?" Beca says, looking deep into your eyes. You smile but shake your head.

"What I'm saying is that even the most perfect families have spats occasionally. Fathers and mothers, brothers and sisters, parents and their children. It's normal since no one ever sees eye to eye on all things. My family, we can get into the most pointless arguments. You should see everyone together when we have gatherings. I have this one cousin, Janet, who'll pick a fight for no good reason," but you don't want to get into that, so you continue hoping you're making sense for Beca's sake "-But in the end, while they may be hard to get along with at times, they're still family. He's still your dad and I just know that in the end, whatever way he may choose to show it, he just wants what's right for you. He cares about you a lot, Beca. He loves you. You're his only daughter."

You can't be entirely sure that you're getting to her-you can no longer see her eyes-she had just burrowed, placed her head in the crook of your neck. You feel a tiny shiver when her lips brush against your skin. And you thought you had solved your problem.

She expels a large breath that does noting to help your current state. "I guess I haven't made it easy on him either..."

You're rubbing her back trying to give her the comfort she deserves. You chastise yourself for thinking only of yourself during a time like this.

"So, are you okay?" She nods tiredly, spent from crying, letting it all out. She's looking up at you. You resist the impulse to reach for her face and wipe away her tears. It takes so much effort that you physically ache inside.

"So, you ready to step outside? Ready to march into his office and apologise?" you say, squashing the other words threatening to pour out sounding a lot like I love you, choose me, marry me. Let me make you happy. Man you loved 'My Best Friend's Wedding', though you really believed that he should've ended up with Julia Roberts. Hello! the hot redhead should totally get the girl, you mean the guy.

"No-"

"No?" Oh shit. See, you sucked at giving speeches, you didn't help her at all. That's the last time you give out any advice. Or you probably had to do it better next time - if there ever was a next time that is…

"I'll have to fix up first. I probably look like crap." She's standing up.

"No," you say aloud, protesting the movement. So what if you were on the floor. Beca had been wrapped up in your embrace. Beca pivots, looking back at you questioningly.

"-You don't look like crap, what are you talking about?" you say, hoping that it sounded like a whole continuous sentence.

"Are you kidding me? Man, I look horrible." Not possible you think. Her nose is all red and so what if she looks less put together than usual, more flustered and her eye make-up has gone all over the place. To you, what difference does it make? It didn't matter, but Beca seemed to think it did so you provide the remedy.

"Here...I have my make-up on me. We'll fix that in a bit, just um splash your face first and, uh, gently pat - not rub - cold water underneath your eyes," you instruct, which Beca promptly follows. "Then, uh, dry off... with this." She does this for a few minutes. You thrust paper towels towards her and as soon as she finishes, she dabs at her face.

"All good?" she asks, smiling half-heartedly.

"With the smile, much better," you reply, but you notice a piece of tissue stuck just under her eye. You reach forward to pull it off, your fingers finally making the much desired contact with her face.

"What?" she asks nervously, jumping and pulling away from the contact.

"Hold still... Here," you say when you successfully get it off. "Don't be so jumpy. I'll be trying to salvage whatever you have on your face..."

"You make it sound like it's beyond saving..."

"No, just some touch-ups here and there..." You proceed to do so. You work on touching up her mascara and smudging the eyeliner. You work steadily, occasionally answering Beca's questions.

"Are you just winging it or do you really know what you're doing?"

"Trust me." She opens her eyes and narrows them.

"Fine, I uh read some article online. I've done it myself a few times, so close your eyes please. So we can get this done."

"What article?"

"The fashion spot one. Have you heard of it?" She shakes her head.

"Stop moving… Well what I'm following is what some NARS national makeup stylist, Jake Broullard, said to, which is to 'add a darker shadow around your lashes, top and bottom, and blend with a softer colour..." you dictate while you perform the actions. "-This will transform your teary eyes into sexy eyes." You also add concealer under the eyes and a little blush to cheeks and lastly, "perk up your look with a coloured eye liner." There, you're done. Not too shabby. "Viola! It is finished," you say, trying a French accent.

"Yeah I look...ready enough?" she says glancing at the mirror, dismissing your work and how beautiful a transformation you had accomplished.

"But do you  _feel_ ready?" you say prodding at her.

"Yeah...a little." Yeah that really convinced me. Hmm sarcasm you see the appeal.

"If I had Zaditor with me you could use it to get rid of the redness in your eyes, but its fine... You're fine." Mighty fine.

"What time is it?" she asks.

"Pretty late I think. They're probably locking up by now."

"Let's go then," she says, then tries the toilet door but doesn't go out.

"What?" you ask, wondering what was taking her so long, if she had suddenly gotten cold feet and needed some more time.

"Are you okay?'

"Yeah. Yeah... No, it's not me..."

"What is it then?"

"It's the door."

You make your way to the door and try the handle. It won't budge. "It's locked," you say, glancing questioningly at Beca who has a sombre expression on her face.

"Yeah I know... We're locked in."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also thanks for the music suggestions, keep 'em coming I will try to use them if and when I can. I really loved listening to the ones you all have already suggested. Keeping an ear out for all kinds of music-I really do want to expand my horizons.  
> Have a hug and spread the love!


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And here you go a nice looong chapter! Send me love, or any feedback through comments, that is if you love/hated or had any thoughts on the chapter!

Previously on Never Know What She Means To Me…

_"What time is it?" she asks._

_"Pretty late I think. They're probably locking up by now."_

_"Let's go then," she says, then tries the toilet door but doesn't go out._

" _What?" you ask, wondering what was taking her so long or if she had suddenly gotten cold feet and needed some more time._

_"Are you okay?'_

_"Yeah. Yeah... No, it's not me..."_

_"What is it then?"_

_"It's the door."_

_You make your way to the door and try the handle. It won't budge. "It's locked," you say, glancing questioningly at Beca who has a sombre expression on her face._

_"Yeah I know... We're locked in."_

* * *

You don't want to freak out, but you can't believe you've managed to lock yourselves in a toilet.

A toilet!

How did it even happen?

How is it even possible?

And yet it had to happen. It has happened to you.

You don't want to accept it, but you've tried everything: jimmying the lock, talking it out and trying each and every one of your cards, banging, shouting...Beca even tried picking it with a couple of hair pins.

Several hours later you're resigned to your fate, stuck for the time being in the toilet.

* * *

"There's practically no signal in here." You're scrambling every which way. You even went as far as to try climbing on top of the marble top.You even try to lean out of the bathroom window, but it has grills... How uncon-fucking-venient for you? You hate swearing, but you can't help it. You were  _so_  looking forward to a nice hot bath once you got home.

"My iPhone has got no reception, no coverage, nothing," says Beca unhelpfully.

"So we're stuck here. Until when?"

"For the night at least..."

_"At least_? Isn't it a working day tomorrow?"

"Uh No-I think it's some corporate holiday or something, but they'll probably have someone over to clean in the morning right?"

"Oh my God!"

"I thought you'd be glad we're stuck somewhere together..." smiling, waggling her eyebrows-trying to be all positive about the situation she'd been doing that the whole night to your irritation.

You throw a frustrated, tired glance her way and her smile shrinks a bit, "-Or not. It is happening way too frequently, isn't it?"

"I'd be happy any other place, but we are stuck in the toilet." You blow your hair away from your face. You feel so uncomfortable, so sticky. The exhaust fan had been turned off and it was almost stiffling the heat in there-earlier on you'd briefly considered removing all your clothing and somehow convincing Beca to do the same. (I mean it was only fare that you try to get comfortable and you were just being concerned)but as the hours ticked on the feeling of being trapped, the helplessness plus the heat was so distracting and pressing it pushed even those thoughts out of your mind. Every second longer you're kept in there your frustration just keeps mounting.

"Hey, you want to play a game? Let's say every name that we know that people use to call washrooms." Beca bounces up clapping her hands excitedly. You know she's trying to distract you and usually you'd be grateful, find it cute even but not right now, not like this.

"Why would I do that?" you cut across harshly, allowing yourself to rest on the floor, exhausted. This is what someone with nowhere to go looks like. You literally have nowhere to go and you're dirty already, so you might as well just go with it.

"Aren't you supposed to be the one with the it-gets-better crap?"

"I can think of anything. We're stuck in the toilet, it doesn't get much crappier than this."

"Yeah, at least if one of us needs to take a crap we've got it covered."

"Sooo not funny."

"Lighten up. We're okay, everything will be okay." Beca nudges you, sidling up to you, then sits down so that you're both leaning against the wall. You let your head rest and fall onto her shoulder and she doesn't flinch or move at all at the weight. She even rests her head atop of yours- an action that slowly makes everything, all the negativity, leak out of you. You finally let it out expelling it in one large, long, sigh; allowing yourself to further relax into your position.

"Lavatory," you murmur, acceding to the game. Might as well make the most of the situation.

"What?" Beca asks softly, lifting her head looking to see if you were still miffed.

"British, you know. Lav for short?"

"Oh... We're playing now. Okay, British...Um, the loo," Beca says sounding relieved.

"W.C?" you say unsure.

"Water Closet... Okay, uh restroom."

"Bathroom?" you ask but Beca nods.

"Yeah it's counted."

"Washroom," she says after a beat.

"Ladies room," you fire back instantly.

"Men's room," Beca says just as quickly, smirking.

"Powder room," you say excitedly. Okay this was fun.

"The John."

"The Jakes." You're answering rapidly, pushing your brain to stay ahead. You don't know what the point of this game is, or if there's even a prize, but hell you aren't going to lose once you've started. The prize better be good... Hmm, the two of you alone in a room with nothing to do… You'd probably come up with all kinds of interesting fun activities to alleviate boredom.

Fun activities with the two of you alone eh?

You're liking this picture you're painting.

You resume; get your head back in the game with renewed vigour. Feeling highly encouraged, "Urinal."

"The head"

"I don't think I've heard of that one."

"It's used by the military, the navy and coastguard - even the marines. A little trivia. They refer to it as such because way back when, the bathrooms were positioned at the bow of the ships."

"Okay. Um, I hear somewhere before that the army and the air force call it the latrine...I don't know why."

"Commode."

"Privy"

"Outhouse" You don't know where all her information is coming from, but you however… You may or may not have started reading the thesaurus whenever you were in the crapper.

"The crapper."

"The shitter."

"Uh, -little girl's room? You can't say little boy's room."

"And why not?"

"Well you did the same thing with ladies room and men's room, you can't do that twice."

"We have rules now?"

"Yeah we're making it up as we go along," you say breezily, smiling, feeling your triumph at hand.

"I came up with the game..." Beca huffs, getting to her feet.

"And so?" you ask suddenly irritated.

"I should be the one in charge of the rules," she says pompously.

"Fine, whatever. So I suppose you automatically win then?" You stand up only to enjoy staring her down.

"What? No! I won fair and square..."

"I should win...And no you didn't!"

"Are you saying I cheated?"

"How do I know you weren't using the dictionary on you iPhone?"

"I wasn't...I don't need to cheat to win...Maybe I should be accusing you of cheating."

"I would never cheat on you!" you shout angrily and the two of you pause to consider what you just uttered. "I mean I would never cheat against you. Is that right?" You're mulling this over...Huh how'd that slip out? When you take a quick glance at Beca she's trying not to smile, but then she catches you looking at her and her smile's suddenly there and your lips follow unconsciously. Then you break into laughter and Beca's joining you, perhaps realizing at the same time how truly idiotic you both were being.

"It's a tie then?" Beca says as you both recover. She takes your hand and leads you back to the floor to resume your previous seating positions. This time, she leans on your shoulder.

"Okay, no more games. I didn't realise we were both so competitive..." She hasn't let go of your hand, but she doesn't do anything with it either. Your hand and her hand. They're both just resting on top of the other. You don't feel like moving it. It's pressed almost in prayer.

Your mind recalls a scene from Romeo and Juliet when they first met, when they first kissed. One of the most tragic, but the most memorable love stories of all time had started with a simple action of their two hands touching. Your mind drifts, imagining Beca and you in the place of Romeo and Juliet…

_**ROMEO CHLOE** "If I profane with my unworthiest hand This holy shrine, the gentle fine is this:My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss."_ you say glancing lovingly, completely enthralled, into Beca's eyes loving the feeling of her hands in yours. _  
_

You covered Shakespeare's works once in class and you had read for Juliet once before in a play, but in this occasion you really felt like the Romeo in the relationship and Beca was your ladylove. Romeo was trying to convince Juliet to kiss him, to take notice of him, to want him. Sound familiar?

When you close your eyes you can clearly imagine the two of you all dressed up in the Elizabethan garbs. You can imagine Beca wearing the famous vermillion velvet gown, embroidered with silk, gemstones and pearls, the one from Franco Zeffirelli's "Romeo and Juliet". You loved that version of the movie more than the one with Claire Danes and Leonardo DiCaprio.

And you, you imagine in a slightly more feminine version of Romeo's outfit, minus the breeches and the sword, but including the gray-blue puffy/poofy sleeves, 'cos you can totally rock those.

_**JULIET BECA "** _ _Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much, Which mannerly devotion shows in this;For saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch,_

_And palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss."_ she says as the two of you join hands as though in prayer. You see the faint blush on Beca's cheeks from the simple action. _  
_

__**ROMEO CHLOE**_  "Have not saint's lips, and holy palmers too?" _You counter, leaning close- while she looks everywhere but at you. _  
_

_**JULIET BECA "**_ Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer. " she says softly, her eyes downcast

_**ROMEO CHLOE "** O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do;They pray, grant thou, lest faith turn to despair."_

_**JULIET BECA "** Saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake."_ she says trying to deter you from kissing her. But you have every intent to-

_**ROMEO CHLOE "** Then move not, while my prayer's effect I from my lips, by yours, my sin is purged." _you say, laying a short sweet kiss upon your Juliet _  
_

_**JULIET BECA's**_ eyes slowly flutter open, they're still dazed when she says,  _"Then have my lips the sin that they have took."_

_**ROMEO CHLOE "** Sin from thy lips? O trespass sweetly urged!Give me my sin again." _You're leaning in again, for what you hope is a much longer kiss- _  
_

* * *

"Chloe?" Beca shakes you, snapping you out of it. "Sorry, I wasn't sure if you were falling asleep, or if it was a seizure or something. You started drooling."

"Yeah...sorry about that." You wipe your mouth with a tissue. Okay you really had a wild imagination, or was that a dream. Whatever it was, it had seemed so real. You shake your head slowly trying to clear your head. "What were we saying? Oh, being competitive. Yeah I have to constantly be on my toes with a friend like Aubrey."

"Yeah she's pretty okay, she's just very tough on the outside. I get it she's strong in order to be protective of the things, of the people she loves." You're smiling at that, Beca complementing Aubrey and Aubrey taking a liking to Beca. She didn't have to say it, but you knew Beca had finally passed her test. You're so happy your plan had worked. Even if it wasn't as top-secret as you wanted it to be.

"She's very protective of me." You smile wryly, remembering all the times that Aubrey had gone too far, staying faithful to her duty of protecting you.

"Yeah I get that," Beca says looking straight into your eyes. "You're worth getting protective over," she says shyly. You're smiling, touched. You feel the heat in your face, wondering bewilderedly what had come over Beca.

"Aw that's sweet," you say smiling gratefully at her.

"So uh, did you want a prize?" Beca asks, averting her eyes, then laughing back to her usual unserious self. She seems to always shy away, stay as far as possible from compliments and moments like that.

"How about we both get to choose what the next activity is?" you propose,

"Okay, you first." Beca says. You're seriously considering putting forward your earlier idea. Let's just have sex, but instead you blurt out..."I meant what I said, I want to know you Beca."

"You know a lot about me already." Beca snorts, not taking your request seriously but as soon as she looks up and quickly reads the expression on your face she pauses, thinking about it. It takes that one look for her to see, to _get_  what exactly it is you want from her.

You're pushing it-you're being pushy- just like she said you were at times, and you know you should just be happy with what you have so far, but you can't help wanting to know everything, as much as possible about her.

"Okay... What is it that you want to know?" she asks apprehensively. Her eyes are glittering, but you're not sure what you're reading in them.

"Something... you've never told anyone." you slowly say, all the while keeping an eye on Beca. Her eyebrows furrow.

She's quiet and you can almost hear the cogs turning in her head as she seriously considers opening up and giving you what you're asking of her.

"I know it's not easy, but I won't judge or anything. I'm just here to listen."

"I don't know..." She's started fidgeting; bouncing her knee, chewing at her lip.

She keeps looking back at you, her eyes meeting yours intensely, her mouth opening; seemingly ready to speak but she quickly closes it, shaking her head, then resumes her fidgeting.

"It can be anything as long as it's about you-" you say after Beca keeps repeating the action several times.

"Yes. It isn't easy, it's difficult-" Beca barks out, startling you.

"Okay, we don't have to..." you backtrack immediately. It seems you really had to take baby steps with Beca.

She lets out a sigh.

"It isn't easy, it's difficult-" Beca continues much more gently. She lifts her face to you. It looks set, her mind made up "-but I want to let you in Chloe, I want you to know me..."

You nod your head slowly, afraid to respond less Beca lose her nerve and break the moment, her feeling of confidence brought by this odd place of sanctuary.

"Okay, you wanted to know something about me, something I've never told anyone."

You quickly smile in encouragement, firmly gripping her hand. She smiles weakly at the gesture, quickly squeezing it back.

Why was she so solemn? This was going to be big wasn't it? She looks scared. You almost want to take it back, to ask another question, propose another activity.

Yeah. You probably should, you're thinking after watching Beca resume bouncing her knee again. You finally place your hand atop it to still all movement.

You already had enough drama for the evening- more like early morning judging by the little you can see from the window. You're about to tell Beca to relax, that she's off the hook when-

"-Well, I used to uh hurt myself." You start, not expecting that at all.

"You mean..." You suddenly feel sick, your stomach clenching uncomfortably. Beca had indulged in self-mutilation, actually caused harm to herself? You are shaking all the way to your hands as you take her arms and inspect them. Your stomach unclenches when you see that they have no trace of scars whatsoever. "I don't see anything," you say, perplexed.

"Well I wouldn't put it anywhere that I expose all the time..." She lifts her shirt at the back. You don't even have it in you to feel excited at the flash of skin, because you see light faded marks on the base of her back.

"When did-" You can't really get out the words. You don't know, it's hurting you. You feel a little betrayed. Your perfect girl wasn't so perfect after all. "These scars are old," you comment aloud, laying trembling fingers across the jutted, uneven mark. But, she had cut pretty deep for it to still show.

"Remember I took a break after Broadway?" She's looking at you to acknowledge, to know these things. She does know that you're a devoted fan after all...

"Yeah for almost two years..."

"How was life for you when you were ten?" You aren't sure where this conversation is going, but you play along.

"Well a lot of firsts: first kiss by a boy, first punching of said boy, first starring role in a play, first dance recital."

"You can say it was pretty eventful."

"Why, how was it for you?" you ask cautiously.

"The year after I turned ten was the year my Dad left and never came back and those two years after away from Broadway where bad - well it was the worst ever. I went back to normal school to try my hand at a normal life. The kids weren't too nice to me. Turns out being a Broadway kid didn't mean anything to the kids our age. They said some really hurtful, mean things. I didn't have too many friends. Kids can be so mean, you know. It really messed me up for a while there." Her face has become impassive. Her eyes are empty, immersed in her own inner musings.

You feel yourself getting angry; on the defensive for her. What assholes, they were lucky you didn't know who they are, you swear you'd hunt each and everyone of them down and make them pay. "Well they suck. Where are they now? Probably flipping burgers or something." you say glancing her way for some sort of reaction, but all it does is cause her eyes to flash with contained emotion.

"And they all probably have less shit too deal with. No constant pressure to be an example, to be freaking perfect that I can't make a mistake. I can't act crazy or be free to do anything without it being posted online. One drunken night where I even let myself slip, let things go out of hand can get my face plastered across newspapers, be on a million TV sets everywhere."

You know that was the sacrifice of being famous, no privacy, nothing was your own anymore. And till now you thought Beca had just gotten used to it, but it seems as if you never really could. She was still mightily affected.

You're seeing Beca in a whole new light, not entirely a bad one just a different one. You see that everything about her - the aloofness, the confidence, the tough-girl I-don't-give-a-damn attitude, even the sarcasm - was just an act. She really was just a softie inside, afraid of being hurt just like everyone else.

"And I'm not the kind to even want that kind of attention. I'm not saying that I'm ungrateful, 'cos I love where I am. The influence I can use to actually spread good things, positive messages, being able to set an example to all kinds of people and I appreciate everything I've accomplished and the possibilities because of it. I just, I wish that I could stop being me for a day. Or I wish I could get one day where I could be me. Just Beca, not Beca Mitchell, or DJ B, or anyone..." Beca trails of, staring silently at the ceiling before she stands up and starts walking across the room, to stare out the window. You don't follow her, for once giving her the space she needs. From where she's seated she seems so far away, you realize that it's the furthest you'd been from each other since the two of you got stuck in here.

You rub your hands up and down your arms only just experiencing how cold it was without Beca's body next to yours. It had registered somewhere in the back of your mind that Beca was always so warm, so snuggable; perfect for snuggling.

You're still reeling, a bit taken aback...that was  _a lot_  to take in and you're still processing everything she'd said.

You said you'd wanted to know everything and that's exactly what you got. You love her and nothing's changed. Except, it's the first time that you've actually felt really sorry for her.

You want to apologize, for what though; for making things really weird, for putting her in a spot, for making her remember something so horrible. No, you want to apologize for her pain, you want to tell her that you're sorry she felt like she had no one to turn to, that she felt that hurting herself, causing the physical pain was all she could do to counter, to relieve the emotional pain; to be able to escape. But most of all, you wished you'd met earlier. You're wholeheartedly sorry that you weren't there. But it was in the past and you can't help that girl, but this girl right in front of you, you think you can.

Right now, you know she's feeling sorry for herself. Twice in one night-despite all your efforts- she's feeling downtrodden, downright depressed.

Wrong move. So much for fun activities, you've totally spoiled everything. You sit in silence, feeling a bit depressed yourself; gone completely is the promise of the lighthearted banter of earlier.

And the worse part is...you can't really think. You don't know what to say. You're supposed to be good at this, it's what you do, helping people. But you're stumped. You've emptied out all your advice, you'd already given your best speech and whatever you might come up with to say, you're sure she's not ready, that she doesn't want to hear anything yet and you don't really know how else to make her feel better.

Unless... you start singing for her. It's a pretty out there idea-almost embarrassing and stupid-given the place and the timing when you think about it. And that's saying something as you always did manage to achieve both around Beca. But she never really complained over your random, spur of the moment moments...in fact, you had a feeling she actually enjoyed your regular bouts of insanity. Well, she hasn't complained so far.

Okay here it goes. You think of singing the cheesiest song ever, knowing-  _hoping_  it'll get her to smile.

"Hey Beca...I know you're all-" you say gesturing at her, silently conveying her current state, "but can I, only if you're feeling up to it, ask another question?"

She turns to you. "Okay...shoot." she says standing up and walking over, but she opts not to sit and instead leans on one of the bathroom stall doors, waiting for your question expectantly.

She's all worn out but she's still humoring you-how can she think she was anything but perfect. You stand up as well and reach for her hand,

"Would you dance if I asked you to dance?" you ask Beca seriously.

"Uh, I'm not really feeling it right now Chlo-" she says, pulling her hand away."Why do you suddenly want to dance?" She asks confused, she isn't smiling but her eyes have lit up, her mouth twitches amused without meaning to be at your question.

You just shake your head and continue.

"Or would you run and never look back?" You're sure her brains working at overdrive, wondering why you're the one who's acting all messed up. You laugh at her expression and start singing instead of just saying the lines.

_Would you cry if you saw me crying?_   
_And would you save my soul tonight?_

You stop and her mouth drops open in shock when she finally recognizes the song. Her face is as confused as ever but it also has that look that she sometimes held while regarding you, this sincere fondness making her eyes sparkle happily. She's shaking her head almost with a what-am-I-to-do-with-you expression on her face.

"Well go on..." she says, biting her lip still fighting that smile.

_Would you tremble if I touched your lips?_  
 _Or would you laugh? Oh, please tell me this._ She's on the verge of it you can feel it.

_Now would you die for the one you love?_   
_Oh hold me in your arms tonight._

She rolls her eyes then starts singing along,

_I can be your hero baby_ She's following how Enriques Iglesias sounds, complete with his over-the-top airy almost nasal voice. And it has you in stitches, the both of you are warbling out the song and you're having a ball.

_I can kiss away the pain_ You really wish you could,  _  
_

_I will stand by you forever  
You can take my breath away_

Beca's eyes are on yours, pulling you in. Then she laughs, "Oh my god that was so queerballs." is all she says before she winks showing that she's teasing finally allowing herself to smile. You totally have the best ideas... well, sometimes when you're lucky.

_You're up all night, to get some you're up all night to get lucky. Yes maybe now, you might get lucky._

"C'mon let's sit down." she says pulling you down with her. Her smile won't quite leave her right now, you're cross-legged on the floor facing each other, your knee against hers...she takes both your hands in hers then interlaces them.

"I was right, the acoustics in the washroom are way better we should practice here all the time..." You say, your smile growing as she's looking at your hands joined-probably thinking they fit perfectly- you know you are. You giggle a bit when Beca starts to play with your fingers.

"I thought you'd avoid spending more time than necessary in washrooms after this..." She says looking up from them,

"Well it can't be avoided, right? I'll probably be hesitant in locking the doors from now on..." Beca laughs warmly, and you join in feeling giddy when her eyes aren't leaving yours.

"Chloe, thanks for that... for pulling me out of my own thoughts."

"I'm the one who made you think about those things in the first place, I'm sorry." You say, she just shakes her head at what you said,

"You were just trying to get to know me, I chose what to tell you...and the truth is, I'm really happy that I did. Because you really do make me fee like I  _can_  tell you everything. Cos' the only time I feel like me is when I'm with you. You make me feel safe to be... _me_.

"I wish there were more people like you, Chloe." Beca says ducking her head, looking adorably shy.

"There are, you just need to be open to them, to possibilities. People tend to surprise you" You say lifting her head by the chin, she takes your hand again

"I'm trying to pay you a complement Miss Beale..." and you duck your head this time, letting her continue "I just want you to know that for if we don't get out."

"Why? We aren't going to die in here. I'm pretty sure they're looking for us, for you. I'm sure people will remember us going in here." You say, laughing at the idea.

"But just, I might not say this ever again after this..."She says her voice earnest, her tone urgent her eyes intent.

You completely understand. You together in a bathroom was different. Once she got outside she'd be in the public eye once again. This may be the only time that you were truly alone.

"Whatever we say in here, stays in here," you say to satiate her concerns.

"I wanted to say that I'm so glad that you're in my life... You mean a lot to me. I- " your heart thuds so hard in your chest, you're sure Beca can hear it, you're at the edge of your seat..." I " You saw something in her eyes the way she's now looking at you- alarms are going off in your head.

"I-" You're holding you're breath. Please let her say what you think she's going to say.

The door suddenly shakes.

"Beca? Are you in here? Beca Marie Mitchell?"

The two of you are looking at each other, not quite believing who had found you.

"Dad?" Beca calls back.

"Beca, yes I'm here. I've been looking everywhere for you. I'll get you out of here, I promise."

* * *

Music: Hero Enrique Iglesias

Get Lucky Daft Punk briefly


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter took long to put together, it's longer than usual, and I feel like it was still not long enough...I personally think it doesn't really resolve much but...it's a filler chapter, the next one which i hope to post within the next few says will fast forward things a bit-back to the competition knock out rounds and stuff. So stay tuned. and on with the story!

Previously on Never Know What She Means To Me...

_"But just, I might not say this ever again after this..." You completely understand. You together in a bathroom was different. Once she got outside she'd be in the public eye once again. This may be the only time that you were truly alone._

_"Whatever we say in here, stays in here," you say to satiate her concerns._

_"I wanted to say that I'm so glad that you're in my life... You mean a lot to me._

_The door suddenly shakes._

_"Beca? Are you in here? Beca Marie Mitchell?"_

_The two of you are looking at each other, not quite believing who had found you._

_"Dad?" Beca calls back._

_"Beca, yes I'm here. I've been looking everywhere for you. I'll get you out of here, I promise."_

And just like that Beca's dads' voice pierces through your little bubble of a safe haven, forcing the reality of your situation upon the two of you. You waste no time in scrambling out of your positions on the floor to press your ears against the door, in order to make it much easier to communicate with Beca's dad.

Your disappointment of Beca's speech being interrupted -which you were sure was going to the biggest confession of love ever- was trumped by the relief you felt at finally being found.

You're wondering at your turn of luck, it was supposed to be a holiday today and yet you were found by Mr Mitchell, Executive Producer of all people.

But, you're not the only one who's feeling grateful.

"Dad. Daddy, I'm sorry! " Beca says in a burst of emotion. "I haven't exactly been fair to you,"

"No, you haven't, but go on," he says, causing Beca to cough out a mildly offended "hey!" amidst her laughter.

"Well...that's all I got. That was it. That's my great, heartfelt apology. I'm not really capable of... I don't really know how else to say it." Beca says awkwardly at losing her nerve,

"It's okay Becs... you don't have to, I understand-I know where it is you're coming from. I know that I've let you down countless of times and that... I haven't been so fair to you either, " Cameron says clearing his throat, "but I'm trying to fix things. I've been trying to be better, to make everything up to you." He stops, his voice getting choked up towards the end.

"Dad... Yeah, I appreciate how you're trying so hard with me, but I just..." she breaths shakily, trying to keep it together, "have some pent-up emotions,  _a lot_  of emotions and unresolved issues I guess." She says sharing a look with you, "Stuff that isn't... entirely your fault. Well, a lot of it is," she says honestly, causing the two of them to chuckle momentarily, "but I can't keep blaming you. I just… Can we fix this once we get outside?" Beca says her voice small, holding back her tears. You place your hand consolingly at the small of her back, she smiles a little, the corner of her mouth lifting.

"Of course, honey. And I'm really sorry about earlier as well. After I let myself cool down, I felt so guilty about shouting at you, talking to you like that." He says gravely "Ahem, I'm supposed to be the level-headed one, aren't I, but your old man keeps letting his anger get the best of him."

"Yeah, I tend to let my negative emotions get the best of me too. I'll be better. I know I should've been ready to apologize at once and owned up to everything, but I let it go on for as long as possible. I didn't want to give in so easily." she admits, shamefaced.

"Well, you always were a bull-headed kid..." Cameron gently teases,

"I think I get all that bullheadedness from you Dad." Beca says

You hear Cameron's deep laughter and Beca soon joins in. You can't believe you get to see, hear this- the two of them laughing together, sharing a light hearted moment for the first time in years. Especially after how crazy angry the two of them were at each other, seemingly just a while ago.

But you think it's about time you let your presence be known. You've been an unwarranted witness, a fly on the wall, far longer than you think they would appreciate.

"Hi, uh, Mr Mitchell sir." you say gently, wondering if there was ever a better way to avoid rudely interrupting their moment.

"Who's that with you?" he says, suddenly on alert.

"It's Chloe."

"Who?"

"Blue-eyed, redheaded, really talented, stunningly pretty Chloe." When there's still silence in the other end, "Honestly, dad? Gorgeous redhead, I just spelled it out for you. You really can't have forgotten this girl," Beca says. You raise an eyebrow at Beca and she just shrugs. "What, it's true..." she just says in reply, which causes you to smile feeling both amused and bashful.

"Chloe... Beale?" you say helpfully, hoping to jog his memory.

"Yeah...Oh Yeah! You're one of my daughter's girls. Why couldn't you have just said she was in your team Becs?" Cameron asks cheekily, causing Beca to roll her eyes, shaking her head.

"So-rry! People usually have no trouble remembering once I mention her distinct attributes and of course her name should've been a no brainer. She was right with me when you, you know, confronted me," Beca scoffs, smart-assed as ever. You see now where she gets it from.

"You know, I thought I saw the blonde girl you were with earlier," Cameron interrupts. "She was trying to get in past the guard, saying we were keeping a Chloe captive, threatening to take it to court if we didn't present Chloe to her within the next few hours. She's been running my ear with a million questions."

"Yeah, that's Aubrey all right," Beca says, while you just laugh at your best friend's tendency to really go all out crazy sometimes.

"You know, I wanted to start looking for you right after our fight, but no one had seen where you went, no one could find you. I knew you wouldn't answer a call from me, but I tried anyway. So I asked your assistant, who by the way is very scary, angry and unhelpful. When I asked her, the only thing she could tell me was 'the white girl probably went home'. I waited in your office for a few hours, then decided to go to your apartment instead. I saw your car was still in the parking lot and I know you'd never leave your baby behind if you can help it. And so I waited. I even called up security to watch the surveillance footage of the entire day, until someone said the last time you had been sighted was out on the hall near conference room B12, then you just disappeared and I went there immediately.

Beca and you are reacting appropriately, entranced with Cameron's story; laughing, gasping, making sounds of acknowledgement in all the right places. Beca on her part looks truly touched and impressed at how well her Dad knew her, the little details he kept, how hard he had tried finding her.

"I was just about to give up after the search remained fruitless, when I could've sworn I heard singing. I followed the sound and it led me here. I couldn't quite believe it. How did you get locked in here?"

"Long story actually. We're not quite sure ourselves." You start to hear numerous footsteps outside, some commotion.

"Who's with you outside?" Beca asks when you give a start of surprise.

"It's okay, just sit back and uh relax..." The two of you share a glance.

"Yeah, we've done lots of sitting down and relaxing," Beca says, taking your hand and idly swinging it between the two of you.

"Don't worry, I called in some resources to fix this mess. They'll get you out."

"Okay..." the two of you say, but you remain standing- to keyed up to sit back down.

A few minutes later and the door is swung open. And argh. You raise your hands to shield your eyes as you're blinded by all the light.

Was it always so much brighter out there?

"Is it me or does everything seem larger, more spacious?" Beca asks after she finishes rubbing her eyes. You blink, feeling your eyes recover and adjust.

"I feel like we're finally breathing in clean air..." The two of you are standing at the doorway, reveling in everything the outside world has to offer and while you finally walk out and you see that you do have more space. You realize that now you no longer have a reason-an excuse, you don't have to be pressed too close, within an inch of Beca anymore.

You decide to hold onto it for as long as it lasts, for as long as Beca doesn't pull away first.

The two of you smile back at the toilet. "Good old trusty toilet...I'll actually miss this place." Beca sighs looking all nostalgic.

"You're kidding right?" You say, but you're looking back as well, a small smile on your face.

"Yeah we will always have this... Wait a minute, this place seems oddly familiar. I feel déjà vu all of a sudden."

"Uh, we really need to get some food in you. I think the emptiness is getting to your head. Of course it's familiar, we spent almost a day in there." You hadn't really cared about food when you were in there, it had been the last thing on your mind, but now your stomach grumbles at the mere mention of it. What had been the last thing you had eaten? Some toast for breakfast and orange juice, that was it...

"I just realized something," Beca says. Her face clear at her realization. You're frowning, concerned with her mental as well as physical well-being.

"What?" you ask, hesitantly.

"This is the bathroom where we first officially met." she says

"How do you figure-" but then, you look around and realize she's right. The two of you are standing right at the spot.

"You're right." you say returning her huge smile, her excitement infectious.

"Weird." The two of you say at the same time. What was it about you, Beca and washrooms?

Once again, your eyes are locking with each other's and you are propelled back to that precise moment when you felt- that you were so sure she'd say it.

"You said you wanted to tell me something, you never quite got to finish..."

"Yeah. It's something about me that I've kept hidden for so long, but not in an overly depressing way. Something I don't like talking about aloud, but I've known this about myself for-"

Her phone suddenly starts to go off.

"That is the sound of a million messages trying to reach your phone all at the same time," you comment as she reached for said phone.

"Yup, several messages and missed calls from my assistant, from my publicist, from my dad and from... Jesse..."

It's weird, you feel like she hadn't mentioned him in days.

"Jesse! Oh god, he must've been really worried." She almost sounded like she had forgotten him for a moment there.

"Beca, it's Jesse," Cameron says from behind you two and you quickly turn around, your heart beating really fast. You frown when you don't see Jesse anywhere, unless he was hiding behind the wall or something. Weird… You see Cameron waving his mobile phone, then proceeding to hand it over to Beca. Oh, okay. He's on the phone. You were scared for a moment there that Jesse was actually here in America, not far away in Europe, frightened that he would be back in the picture even before you had completely erased him out of it. And you were just so close to making her yours.

"Beca! Okay you're in one piece, you're alright! I was so worried. I was trying to call you as soon as I heard…"

But even hearing his voice doesn't settle well with you. It does nothing to calm your sudden apprehensions.

You look over to see that they're on Facetime. You get a glimpse of how happy Beca's face becomes when his face finally appears, catching up to the sound. With a heavy heart you move to walk away to give Beca her privacy with him, but Beca quickly grabs your hand, keeping you in place close to her, sending a pleading look- begging with those eyes that you can't resist, so that you two are on the screen.

"...Oh. Hi Chloe. Hey, are you both okay?" Jesse asks. You can see there's a crease on his forehead, but he quickly smoothens it out.

"Yeah, we're good. They should totally make shirts that say 'I survived being locked in a toilet', you say, which makes Beca laugh weakly.

"So it wasn't that bad? How'd it even happen? And with the two of you."

"Long story short, as is normal Dad and I were biting each other's heads off and I went away to cool off. So, I went to the bathroom and Chloe accompanied me. We went into the bathroom together, just like all normal girls do, nothing big about that and uh, I wanted a minute away from everyone-so we shut the door on everyone outside," she answers drolly making light of everything as is her way-before she yawns, You didn't need that action to know how tired she is. You can hear it, see the redness of her eyes, the bags around her eyes. She's emotionally and physically spent.

"How did you survive in there? What did you guys even do? I bet you had to come up with a lot of things to keep yourselves preoccupied. I can imagine a lot went down."

"Uh...Well"

You keep silent, not really having an answer.

"I'm saying I'd imagine 'cos I really wouldn't know...I have absolutely no idea-I mean it would be kinda nice to hear from you. It'd be nice to know what's going on-what's been going on...once in a while," Jesse says and there's something to his tone - almost accusing.

Beca's eyes narrow, then she raises a single brow.

"What are you trying to say Jess? What're you implying?"

You don't really feel like watching a lover's quarrel between the two. Sure, you liked the idea that maybe there were some unresolved problems or some brewing tension between the two, but can anyone say 'awkward' watching at such a close range.

Third party premier seat.

"It's just that we haven't really had the chance to talk much lately..." he says in a much gentler tone.

"We've both been busy. I've been trying, you're never available when I call and vice versa with me. And, it's not all my fault, so why the hell does it sound like you're blaming me, pinning everything on me?" she says, trying to raise her voice but it comes out scratchy the beginning of a sore throat or perhaps a cold.

Lay off Jesse, she's had a long night, you're thinking but you don't really have the heart to interrupt. You haven't the energy to say it out loud.

"Don't get mad, I'm just trying to say that I'm sorry I keep missing you. I missed hearing from you, I miss you. I just wanted to know how you were."

You had made the decision of keeping your face neutral, to keep it blank, but you had to fight hard to resist the impulse of rolling your eyes at at that last line.

"I was -It was alright. We got by. I'm not sure if it's an experience I'd want to go through ever again, but I'm okay Jess. You don't need to be worried about anything," Beca says, sounding more wary, even a tad bit impatient.

It could've just been you, but you thought that she had a double meaning to her words the 'anything' could've easily been anyone…

"Hey, maybe I should just come home. Things are moving speedily along here. Travis Walt is proving to be a major hit...definite pontech. I have a loose schedule I could fly down tomorrow?"

Your heart thuds harder in suspense.

"Jesse, I thought you said you'd still needed a couple of weeks; that you wouldn't be ready until next week. For everything to be entirely settled," Beca says. Phew.

"Wow, thanks for enthusiasm there. You really sound like you miss me. Way to make it out like I'm the last person that you want to see right now..." he says, and you see the little bit of hurt in his eyes.

Beca, however is quick to reassure him.

"No. No, of course I do! I'm sorry I sound so unenthusiastic about you coming home- I am...enthusiastic, I mean. It's just that I don't want you to rush things. You've been working really hard on Travis, planning his debut album release for more than two years. I can't make you drop everything and leave, especially when you're just about to reach your mark. Not for my account and I'm sorry I'm cranky and irritable as I feel, I'm just… tired." she says earnestly, "C'mon Jess of course I missed you!"

The speech works, causing Jesse's boyish grin to brighten again, good mood restored.

You inwardly groan, but you think your stomach does as well.

"Yeah. We should get both of you out of here, get some decent food and let you rest," Cameron says, wondering back after talking to the men who had gotten you out- hearing the tail end of their conversation.

His words seem to go unnoticed and unacknowledged by Beca, whose attention seems to be focused on something else.

You hear before you actually see who exactly it is...

"Chloe!" comes the unearthly wail form behind you and the next second you are completely smothered. The air is knocked clean straight out of you by a mess of blonde hair that is Aubrey Posen, smelling like her mango scented shampoo."I kept calling you...and I was waiting with such good news...and when you didn't come... and you always, always leave a message, you find a way to inform me if you can't come home." You note how cold and damp she feels, You realize that those are because of all her tears. She's covered in them.

"How did you manage to lock yourself in a bathroom? That is the dumbest thing ever..." she says angrily, or as angry as she can manage through her violent crying.

As she's speaking she keeps tightening her grip on you, afraid that for just one second you'll disappear. She's absolutely wrecked sobbing, leaving everyone in the vicinity dumbstruck and cautious, more so you and Beca. You're sure you have similar worries for her mental health.

She's babbling, barely making sense. Aubrey only got like this when she was really scared.

She's completely lost her head, like the eloquent lawyer in her just stepped out of the building.

Her face is red and gone is her normally put together poised self. She never allows herself to look like this you think, you must've really scared her.

"And I kept thinking, what if you got mugged, or got hit by a car. 'Cos that would be a very good reason for you to not come home. And I'm not saying those are good things cos they're very, very bad and horrible, but it was a better excuse than locking yourself in a toilet. And I was envisioning what would your mother say to me? I promised I'd look after you...and I just left you... Then I remembered I'd left you here. And that you wouldn't just leave the building if Beca was still in it... You would never leave her side, unless it was like some life or death situation or something." She laughs and you join her, sounding hysterical.

"She's really upset, she doesn't really know what she's saying," you say rather frantically to Beca's dad, who's standing awkwardly to one side and Jesse who's still on the phone. They are both watching with rapt expressions on their faces, especially Jesse, who's eyes are rather unreadable.

"So I started asking around for here everywhere. I called people up. I even tried to break in here, but I got detained in one room by one of the guards. I am totally going to report that man, he was very rough, he barely listened to me. They thought I was some Beca Mitchell stalker which was just mortifying and weird...No offense"

"None taken?" Beca says cautiously, looking at Aubrey and her grip on you, approaching slowly.

"Aubrey," you say gently. You can hardly breathe. "Help," you utter looking Beca's way, conveying your distress which quickly prompts Beca to jump into action, scrambling and trying to pry Aubrey of off you, but Aubrey's grip was similar to that of a boa constrictor.

"You really want to squeeze the life out of her? 'cos you're succeeding." she asks, out of breath herself, all the while struggling.

"Oh sorry," Aubrey says as it dawns on her and she finally releases you.

"Chloe was with me the whole time, she was perfectly safe." Beca says trying to assure her.

"Thanks," Aubrey says, transferring her death grip on Beca. Aubrey's hugging Beca. You just want to expel a great big 'Aw', you wanted to take a picture or something, but seriously, you thought that the force behind Aubrey hugging you was bad...but now, you're actually afraid, more concerned for Beca being crushed as she was so much smaller compared to Aubrey. "Uh you're welcome?" she wheezes out, once Aubrey lets go of her. And you rush to check for any injuries,

"Chloe, Beca, sorry but the two of you really stink." Aubrey comments sounding more like herself.

"Yeah. We were stuck in a toilet together." Beca says sarcastically, but not intending to be mean.

"We should probably get both of you young ladies home," Cameron says gently, eyeing Aubrey worriedly.

He mouths 'Is she going to be alright' to you, and you smile before you say, "eventually".

He puts a hand to Aubrey's back as he leads her back outside, comforting her as they walk ahead while you and Beca trail behind you're only slightly in front of Beca who' still glued to the Facetime call with Jesse.

"C'mon Babe, I think I know the perfect way to get you all relaxed-" is what you can hear Jesse saying, his voice taking this unmistakably sexy quality "I'll have to save it for later though when we're alone," he says lowering his voice but he pointedly looks at you and you move away from Beca. "Let's Skype later on. You know I love what we get up to on our video calls." You try to push away all the ugly invading mental images springing to mind and trying to hold back the bile, lest you Aubrey-like projectile vomit all over the place.

The two of you reach the entrance of the building and you leave to go, this is where you part ways. Where you're no longer within a seconds grasp away from each other. Cameron is leading Beca in the opposite direction one hand perched a little awkwardly on her shoulder and Aubrey is ushering you towards her car. You're looking over your shoulder every now and then and you hate the vision of watching Beca getting further away from you, getting smaller. She turns and quickly raises a hand in farewell too tired to do anything more-Cameron sends a nod your way before they get into the car and you watch as they drive away-and you're feeling something close to panic, feeling oddly lonely and so very sad. You think you're probably having some major separation anxiety at this point.

She's gone home-not with you, and not to your place, she had gone to the house that she shared with the man she would most likely be marrying.

You get into the car and the rest of the ride has you feeling numb, brain actively over thinking, but you don't feel like responding to any conversation that Aubrey starts. She's thankfully back to normal, having gotten herself together after a quick nip at Starbucks. Now it's her turn to be worried about you and your silence.

You're wallowing...

You never wanted to be the one to fall for someone who was in a relationship, in fact it made you feel guilty. You know Beca and her stance against cheating, she would never condone to such a thing.

But you're blowing this out of proportion nothing had happened between the two of you, but who are you kidding? Since day one, since forever, you had all kinds of agendas to get Beca to yourself.

And it was proving easier with this friendship you had established. And because of Jesse flying in and out of the state…

You did promise him you'd take care of her while he was away right?

And besides Beca needed someone who'd never leave her side...

You hate thinking that maybe where you taking advantage of Beca's vulnerability, but you wanted her to love you, you needed to know, you had to be sure she loved you and only then would everything else become irrelevant.

Her loving you would take away this raw feeling akin to guilt that had been settling in your stomach ever since he made his presence known-it reminded you that she was still his girl. You've had this heavy feeling in your chest ever since Jesse turned up and had to remind you of your place. Reminding you that she would never truly belong to you.

* * *

You're feeling odd when you wake up so suddenly, sometime later.

You're wondering what woke you since you were supposed to be out like a light-you were a heavy sleeper when exhausted but wait you're hearing the vibration of your phone. You grab for it hastily, trying not to wake up Aubrey who merely groans and shifts over.

Seriously that's what you woke up to?

One time, you slept through an entire Ragin' party you had attended. You passed out in one of the upstairs bathrooms right on the floor exhausted from Bella practice, slept on even when the cops came to break it up... You woke up later in your own room, turns out Aubrey and some of the Bellas had to carry you out.

You answer before you even check who it is on the line.

"Hello."

"Beca?" You clear your throat, argh your voice was groggy.

"Hi," she says, not sounding at all tired. You could almost say she sounded not tired at all, why was she so...awake?

"What's got you calling? I thought you'd be resting by now. I thought you'd go straight to bed after you skyped with Jesse."

"Yeah, but I...I needed someone to talk with... someone else, I mean you...Jesse's well he's been stressed, so he's been taking it out on me...blaming me...like I wanted him gone. And the truth is I'm just telling him how it is that his responsibility of finishing the last leg of his promotions should come before me, even If I do need him..."

She's calling you to comfort her after she was done Skype fighting with her fiancée...Argh but yippee she called you. She called  _you_.

Beca' still venting, and you tune back in rather guiltily having drowned her out for a moment there.

"Can't he see he'd only stop by but he would have to leave again, and it would just make things worse, make me all bummed out that he can't stay longer?"

"Uh long-distance relationships are the worst," you say non-comitally, but you're saying this based on your experience from your light-years away from each other relationship you had with Beca through the years.

It counts...even if you were the only one who had known it at the time.

You're trying desperately to think of the right thing to say to make her feel better, even though her grieving over her fiancée's leaving- was the last thing you wanted to talk about. But you had to let being her friend come first, before everything else.

So far you're thinking of saying something along the lines of 'If their love was strong enough it would hold out no matter the distance, it could overcome anything, crush any obstacles in their way", but no, that didn't really apply to them. That applied more to Beca and you.

Shit. Sorry...c'mon think think...thinkkkk.. _.brain blast._

No...Not really, you give up, you can't really think straight when it comes to her. LOL pun intended.

Beca interrupts your train of thought almost as if she knew exactly what you were thinking "No don't worry you don't have to assure me or give advice or anything like that you've done that enough already. I just needed someone to listen I suppose, you're a good listener. I'm actually relatively okay. I'm just feeling all alone in this empty house."

"So you're calling for some pillow talk?"

"What?" Beca stammers "Uh-"

And ah you really needed to clarify what you just said.

"Wait no, not that kind of pillow talk... Like talking and we're both rested on our pillows…"

"Okay, that's a very different definition from what I'm used to."

"Beca...I have to ask, doesn't it happen a lot though, travel and distance with tours and everything for you...I'm asking cause I thought it was something that you had to guessed used to-to accept as being part of Hollywood and stuff."

"I guess it never used to bother me before. But now...I really miss, I love-"

If she says him. You just might throw the phone in frustration. What had happened to everything? To her telling you she loved you when now she's going on and on about her fiancée.

"I've grown to love having someone close to me, next to me at all times," she says, her voice growing small, spitting it out like some dirty little secret.

"Aw." You want to express how that just warms your heart but you don't want to embarrass her further. So, you move along with another question.

"Hey, what happened with your dad by the way? Did you guys get to talk after I left with Aubrey?"

"We were too tired, but we've already decided, kind of planned to do some father daughter things which I don't really have any idea what that is, but we'll talk me and him. We'll see if it wasn't just an 'in the heat of the moment' kind of thing, but I really think I'm you know… we both really want to fix things at least I'm trying now..."

You nod along silently, "That's good" you say pleased,

"How's Aubrey? Did you manage to calm her down?" she asks in turn.

"Yeah, I ended up taking care of her instead of her taking care of me. Well she was distraught, but after we both got settled and after some warm drinks and after tucking her into bed eventually, she tired herself out. She fell asleep just before I had my warm bubble bath ready."

"How was the Bubble bath? Did it have pink bubbles? Did you have fun splashing around?" she asks seriously, but you can hear humour lacing her tone.

"Yeah, it's very relaxing and I felt like I had to soak myself, so I could really feel clean." you say rather defensively, wondering what about you taking bubble baths was so amusing to her.

"I really enjoy my bubble bath bathroom time. What's wrong with that?"

"Aw nothing...It's cute," she says,  you could see why you calling her cute would be annoying now and you grumble.

"I'm not cute. Adults can enjoy bubble baths too, you know," which makes her laugh even more.

"So have you been constantly checking up on Aubrey?" She says, trying to change the topic to veer you from completely getting annoyed at her.

No...I don't have to...we're sleeping with each other. I mean, she's currently sleeping right next to me."

"You guys are sharing the same bed?"

"Ha-ha yeah we're practically spooning," you joke. "Why you jealous?" you tease, trying to get something out of her. You really want to know if she'll admit to it.

"Surprisingly, yes. I thought all things touchy-feely, cuddling was reserved for me."

"Hmm you Miss I hate all kinds of excessive physical contact is actually jealous that I have a different cuddle buddy? I love cuddling, I'm a very affectionate touchy-kind of person, especially with the people I love."

"Yeah, I know," she says huffing and so jealous over the phone making you strangely happy. See, she's the cute one in this relationship. The irony though that she's jealous of you sharing a bed with your friend when she's the one who has this entire relationship that you should be acting all jealous about.

"But you know what?" you say,

"You're still going to tell me anyway so just go ahead."

"You're my favourite, just don't tell Aubrey."

And you feel yourself smiling giddily and you lean back into the bed closing your eyes to picture Beca doing the same.

"Chloe" she says after a second. You dozed off for a moment there... This felt so much like when you were in school staying up late talking on the phone with your girlfriend.

"You fell asleep on me!"

"Sorry..." you yawn.

"So, I have a question...don't be weirded out.

"So how does it work I mean...you like girl's right?"

"Uh yeah… And?"

"But do you only like girls I mean would you be entirely opposed to dating men?"

"No of course not...I like girls, as a matter of fact I love them but it's never been about what the person's sexuality is it's about who she, or he, is. I've dated guys...and so yeah I would if I fell in love with someone."

She's silent for a long time and you think she fell asleep, getting back at you, but she expels a sigh and clicks her tongue a bit. Hmm you guess she's still contemplating what you said.

"Can I ask another question?"

"Uh-huh" you yawn again.

You wait for a second and her breathing is the only thing you hear.

"Okay, I can almost hear the question ready to jump there just spit it out already," you say flatly, wondering what's got her so curious about your preferences.

"So what's it like you know...with girls?"

"What's it like with girls?" you repeat slowly. Love for lesbians, how does one explain that really? There wasn't really a distinct difference... Sure, there's the pros of getting each other, being willing to talk about feelings and stuff, but there were still the same problems as well.

You always thought each individual loved differently in their own way-no love ever felt the same it wasn't just a gender, same sex thing.

"With lesbians," she adds.

What is it like with lesbians you mull it over?

You're not really sure what she's getting at, until like a slow light switch being switched on in your brain, you suddenly realize.

"You're talking about girl on girl, like sex?"

"Yeah...what did you think I was talking about?"

"Nothing...I just okay, well you know it's um very hands on. More like fingers on... uh. Why are you asking me this?"

"So uh I use to watch glee you know with those two cheerleaders Brittany and Santana...They were best friends who hung out a lot and eventually fell in love..."

Okay what is she saying? Is she trying- is she hinting at something? Is she ready to tell you? You're waiting once again in bated breath, thinking oh god this is it. Finally!

"And I was thinking about...two girls that I know who are in a very similar situation…"

Please.

"...So you and Aubrey you never..." She trails of instead, taking you completely by surprise.

"NO I haven't with Aubrey, jeez. I don't see her that way," you say. What the hell?

"It's just that you guys are really close and well I...I heard that sometimes that's how those kind of things start..."

Why was she so freaking oblivious? She knows that you've had a crazy fan crush on her and that you had dropped many a hint. Who couldn't put it together? Why can't she figure it out?

"If that were true then we'd be falling in love as well," you say out-front.

There's a pause before Beca laughs and mutters touché, completely disregarding that moment and everything you were saying.

"So interesting flow of conversation," she says drily.

"Yeah, you know how much I enjoy our all over the place talks," you whisper back when Aubrey rolls over to face you... You reply sounding tired, clipped, feeling rather put out.

"So, I thought by now that you'd be tired of me and listening to all my problems, and weird musings about relationships and all that," she says, trying to inject some humour but sounding unsure, probably picking up on your sudden change of mood and you roll your eyes at yourself when you just as quickly let it all go, focused on reassuring her.

"Never, I mean pssh of course not...I'll always be here to hear whatever you want me to hear you saying...That came out weirdly...okay, erase that. I'm trying to say that I'll be here if ever or whenever you need me, don't ever forget it."

"That's sweet Chloe...you know I always wondered how it felt like…"

"What?"

"Having someone really close to me, almost like..."

You heart speeds up a bit, "-a sister. Turns out it feels really nice."

Fucking constant disappointment-it was a real bitch sister! She thinks of you as a sister... Man, it almost feels like for each time you take a slow deliberate step forward consequently you're always pushed three steps back.

Friend you could deal with, you can get past that zone, even best friend, but if she thinks of you as a sister...that's like...fucking hopeless.

"You think of me as a sister?"

She laughs before she says "You sound really offended...But no that was the wrong word. You are so much more Chloe, so much more to me. It means a lot what you said. And be ready to always be there, 'cos I'll hold you to it."

"'Kay-"

"So sleep okay, sorry I woke you."

"You didn't-"

"Shush get a good sleep now...I'll cancel whatever you have for the next day, I want you to take it easy."

Yeah, she was right. Her words are sinking in, making you aware how much sleep you needed. You can barely keep your eyes open anymore.

"Bye then, Becs. Love you so much," you mumble, no longer in control of what you're saying. Like there's a disconnect between your brain and your mouth.

"Sleep tight Chloe...Love you too," she says before she hangs up.

You hear the phone call end and it takes a lot longer for her words to sink in.

"Wait, what?" You scream into the phone...did she _just_.

"What the hell? Keep it down Chloe-I still have to go to work today," Aubrey mumbles.

"Sorry," you say, settling back into the covers but you're still staring at your phone. She'd said it. You wish you could've recorded that so you could replay it over and over again.

  
  



	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the Knockout rounds, there's the last few preparations and everyone's on an edge. Can our girls keep it together? It's a reality competition a lot could go down.

The Battle rounds fight between Kori and you had been aired the previous week, and with it came multiple follows, friend requests, you swore you'd even seen a fan page...

So, okay you were definitely feeling the love with the mostly positive comments people had to say about you and your ability. You were totally dealing with it normally, almost like it was nothing. (Psshh… You are a professional, you had better, more pressing matters than searching yourself up or contemplating your new-found fame...)

Okay, that wasn't entirely true. You had admittedly, only out of pure curiosity though, given in and searched yourself up once and spent some time after googling yourself. Not a lot or too much, just some to see what it would reveal.

But, you came to your senses pretty quickly, as you didn't want the kind of things you saw to influence how you performed; too much good might make you too cocky. As a starting artist, letting things get to one's head too early in the game could be anyone's downfall. Sure, confidence was good, but there was the difference in having the confidence to build yourself up to deliver a performance and being overconfident, no, downright arrogant and tearing other people down – ahem, ahem Bumper Allan and his goons cough cough, thinking they were God's gift to all of mankind, or at least The Voice viewers. Also, for the bad. You knew you couldn't please everyone and you've accepted that as it was: a fact. You weren't for everyone's taste. Alas, you were terrified that you'd see a negative one and it would stick and bring down your confidence when you needed it the most.

And almost like you had summoned it straight out of your mind, the television tunes into one of the promos for the up-coming knock out rounds.

_Over the last couple of weeks our artists have gone through several tests to gain the much-coveted spots in the top 4 of each team, and they are so close. We are at the last leg before the live rounds. You've followed them from blind auditions to battle rounds, to top 5_ _…_

You recognize some of the footage; showing the judges, the steals, the lost and won battles, remaining artists at their high points in the program.

_We await the choices of our coaches. Who will proceed to the much awaited top 4 final teams and who will get knocked out? Each week_ _,_ _we are one step closer in knowing which team will become this_ _year's_ _Voice. Will it be Team Adam, Team Blake, Team Beca or Team Usher?_

Already? It felt as though just yesterday you had auditioned. It felt almost like a lifetime ago you had this irrational fear that you couldn't make it on your own, as you were always so used to being part of a group: you were scared your voice wasn't strong enough to stand alone.

Speaking of a group, you were lucky you had become good friends with several of the other girls. Instead of fearing them as competition, the Voice experience you've shared has made you fast friends. You'd been joined in the hip with Stacie, Cynthia and Fat Amy.

And Beca...well your friendship was solid, stronger than ever and… you haven't really decided how you feel about that.

You had gotten everything you wanted basically; you were with her a lot, she shared things almost too much with you and ...and she was comfortable around you.

That was just it, she was getting "comfortable" around you as _just_ being her friend.

She had come to depend on you, trusting you and sometimes, you feel selfish keeping all her affections to yourself, but she says that she doesn't really mind sharing things with you, ever so glad that you're there every single time to listen, to catch her, to listen to her thanking you, dolling out the 'I love yous' casually.

And _that_ part just sucked. You couldn't help the contracting of your heart each time.

What use was her saying it to you- and not meaning it entirely, not meaning it the way you want, thought she meant it. So yeah, basically you're stuck in limbo, suspended between the beginning girl meets girl and happily ever after. And lately, it's been feeling more and more like you'll be staying there for quite a while.

You'd always known that this wouldn't be enough, this pretense of friendship, but you couldn't imagine any other way of keeping her close to you.

The hard part about becoming friends with the object of your affection, is that it's downright complicated... Before, it was just the rejection lying there that you needed to survive with after you reveal your feelings, but now there's the friendship, a friendship unlike any other. You've forged a bond which only grew stronger as you grew closer. A meeting of completely different souls, yet they fit perfectly. You don't want to lose that because whether you liked or not, she was your best friend now too, the one who gets you in a way no one else does and you'd die before anyone gets in the way of that, especially yourself, never mind that your heart is constantly trampled on, squishing out the longing...

And yet you took it, whatever you could get from her.

Sometimes, you wonder how on earth or why the hell she hadn't clued in to your feelings. You can't imagine being anything but obvious- subtle wasn't really a word in your personal dictionary. But, what scares you is that she does know and she doesn't really care to do anything about it, or that she's just content where you guys are now.

So there you are, both wishing and praying for her to not know and to know at the same time. You're wondering how you don't spontaneously combust at any moment, because getting to know Beca these past few weeks has shown you one thing: she isn't perfect, not all, not even close. She's a normal girl with all the usual hang-ups and issues and a whole amount of luggage.

But, this is what convinces you even more that now you really are in love with her, not because of who she was on TV, but because you know all of it. You know her in the truest sense.

And then, just like that the nerves start to settle into a muted barely-there buzz. And yet still, there's the familiar drop- some parts exhilaration, most parts unexplainable fear - in your stomach, knowing that something big is coming up.

Not just the knock out rounds, which is more nerve-wrecking compared to the battle rounds. You've long accepted the fact that this feeling - the fear constant, worn out feeling - would be ever present during the entire competition. But there was also something else, a tingling, somewhere in your gut that things would be changing radically and soon.

* * *

With knock out rounds you prepared by bettering yourself.

It was all about making yourself the best you could be, because this time you don't know who you'd be up against; not until the actual show.

Beca will make the decision on the day itself, choose who you'd be pitted against. You're scared to death, not sure if your preparation would be enough if you didn't know.

You think of all the girls in Beca's team (you hoped to God you wouldn't be facing off with your girls). There was Cynthia Rose, Stacie, Loraine, Amber, Trish, Zita and Baloney Barb (long story, but it was an inside joke between you and the girls). Each one of them talented, each wanting-having a reason to stay, each wanting to win.

You hoped it'd be enough.

* * *

Beca was working you hard, sometimes into the night.

She really liked being in charge, pushing you to your limit… in terms of musical abilities, everything other than that, was for some wishful thinking. Whenever it came to the competition she made sure to separate the friendship from the professional.

Right now, she was demanding perfection, asking you to nail 'Wrecking Ball'. The song had been your choice and she had given you the green light. She worked with you day after day to produce the acoustic, broken down version, just how you'd discussed and envisioned it. She expected nothing but the best.

Beca was awesome like that, in truth you liked her like this...Surprise, surprise of course you did. You got to love seeing her take charge, seeing her in her element. It was so hot, her fingers deftly working the dials, skirting across the keyboard, then plucking at the guitar's as well as your heartstrings.

"Chloe! Hey Snap out of it. We need you pitch perfect with this song..." you nod embarrassed at once again becoming distracted, going into Beca Mitchell dreamland.

* * *

But as the days to knockout rounds dwindled, it seems like everyone was on an edge: the recording crew, the staff, most especially the contestants.

You could usually count on Beca to be the strong, supportive voice of reason, to help you through it. But, not so today. Beca had come into the recording practice session late, grumpy and irritable.

Beca in the worst of moods was like this black cloud of a tornado. Once it gathered speed it would get worse, promising to wreak havoc on whatever crossed its path.

The trick was to get her out of her deep brooding state as fast as you could using any means possible. Your usual go-to tactic was making her laugh, it usually didn't take much - she always seemed to be amused at you for some reason. But, not even your best material could get her too even crack a smile. And you had tried, but your usual tactics had failed. She was really distracted. Whatever it was, it was really bothering her.

"Chloe, hey am I talking to myself?" Beca asks sharply, snapping her fingers in front of your face, effectively calling back your attention.

"Sorry, what?" you say, shrinking at her glare. She lets out a breath before she closes her eyes for a few seconds.

"I  _said_ , one more time. Let's go back to the bridge, then the chorus." she says deliberately, a hint of a growl to her voice.

"Yes sir! What are your orders sir? How do I attack this part of the song sir!?" you ask, just to be sure of what she wanted. You had been constantly reworking the arrangement, trying different approaches to the chorus.

"The bridge part is already set, it's soft. Don't rush it, Don't you ever say I just walked away, I will always want words there almost sound like she's breaking, ready to give up, but she's still fighting hard for their relationship to work, because she can't stop caring about him even if she tried..." she's saying before breaking of and getting lost in her thoughts for a second. You're wondering at how beautiful, how real and personal that interpretation sounded.

"So uh..."

"What was I getting at?" she says after shaking herself out of it.

"Soft bridge. And then you weren't finished..."

"Yeah, the soft build-up is in preparation for the chorus, you want to hit it hard-"

"Like a wrecking ball?" you quip.

"Playback, music," she just says, after sending you a forced smile, before she counts silently to herself.

You take a breath and sing just how you'd discussed.

_Don't you ever say I just walked away?_

_I will always want you_

_I can't live a lie, running for my life_

_I will always want you_

"Good, then pause. Then belt it out, " she says, her eyes locking with yours, looking pleased for what seems like the first time since she'd stepped in. "Remember you have to come in hard and strong," she says so sternly, sounding so earnest that it causes you to snort.

"Sorry you want me to come... what? I mean..."

"Stop playing around Chloe!" Beca says, all no-nonsense.

"Okay, okay I'll come hard for you," you say seriously, and you bite the inside of your cheek to stop the laughter. You needn't have worried about that because the expression on her face;she's glowering, shooting daggers at you, causes the laughter to disappear almost immediately and your face turns serious. You're really going to get it out now.

* _knock knock*_

You both still at the sudden noise, Beca turns away, not before sending you a look, she sighs before she finally gets up to open the door and comes face to face with Benji.

Whew. You let out a breath, grateful for the first time for such an interruption. Saved by the...knock.

"Miss Mitchell the production crew were wondering if they could shoot your practice session?"

"Yeah, yeah sure of course. Come in guys." And several men file in; the Camera men with their cameras, the sound people with their microphones, including the huge furry one that they had on the edge of a long stick, along with several others that you still weren't quite sure what they did, or what they were supposed to be.

"One two three, from 'can't live a lie, running for my life'." She just says, looking warily at the camera crew. Beca take a moment before she nods at you to continue.

"Can we um take a short break first?" you ask. Everyone, stops what they are doing. Beca sighs, running a hand across her face tiredly.

You pull her aside. You've had enough of this. If you can't get her to let it go, you can try to get her to tell you so you can both try to fix whatever's bothering her.

"Are you going to tell me what's up?"  _your ass_ , you add silently. "What's wrong? Hey tell me." Her expression immediately darkens, the anger that she had been keeping in finally letting itself show.

"What's wrong is that you aren't doing the song like we've been practicing. What's wrong is that we are down to mere days before knock out rounds and you aren't delivering... " her voice strained, trying in vain to control her volume.

"Geez, chill out..." you say trying to remain calm, but you're feeling queasy, the ever present nerves reacting. Okay you understand she was pissed, but did she have to go biting your head off...

"Chill out? How can you even say that? This isn't anything to be "chill" about. .I don't want to have to kick you out Chloe, so don't waste my time!"

"What!?" You're shocked, feeling a little hurt. You know she as right, but it didn't make hearing it from her any easier.

"In case it hasn't dawned on you yet, this knock out rounds will be the bloodiest. This is the point where I'll have to separate the wheat from the chaff. You need to show me that you're serious."

"I am serious!" you say, for lack of a better words, having apparently lost them, to defend yourself, mightily flustered by Beca's truthful yet vicious words assaulting you.

"So act like it, show me that you want this. 'cos so far, I haven't seen it. Where's the Chloe Beale who brought the magic to her audition, or was that just a fluke?"

"Okay, why are you being such a bitch?" you finally ask, having had enough of her attacking you. She stops, shocked. Thank God! You finally found a way to shut her up.

"I'm not..."

"You are. Care to tell me why? And, it's not me messing around. You've been this way since before we started practicing..."

"Chloe..." She says your name almost like a warning, not wanting to go into it any further.

"Stop doing the whole 'Beca thing'. It's me alright? You asked me to be there when you needed it, and I am. In some ways you asking me that, well it also gave me the reigns and the permission to butt my nose in when I sense that there's something up. That's me being there for you, so are you going to tell me what's up?"

"Dude..." she says, whining. Looking anywhere but at you.

"I am no dude. I'm a girl, your girl, your go to girl, so just tell me." You put a finger underneath her chin, forcing her to look you in the eye.

"It's nothing, it's just...It's stupid...I don't have to tell you every little thing about me…" she says, her eyes shifting between yours before she pushes your hand away.

"Okay then, let's just sing..." you say turning away from her, giving up.

"I'm scared alright, of losing you..." she spits out "Argh, this sounds so cheesy."

You're both relieved and confused with her answer.

"You won't lose me..." you say, comfortingly. You reach to pull her closer, but she moves away, glancing around quickly. You let your hands drop, frowning at her weird behavior.

"I have one of the most cutthroat girls and the last thing I want to be is biased. You don't know how conflicted I feel, how much I want to be selfish just so I can keep you in my team. I'm your coach and I'm playing it straight, I'll choose whoever does the best. "

"Beca-"

"Can you please just sing it the way we discussed it? Please?" Her tone pretty much says that the subject is closed.

"Okay."

_I came in like a wrecking ball_

_I never hit so hard in love_

_All I wanted was to break your walls_

_All you ever did was wreck me_

_Yeah, you, you wreck me_

* * *

So here you were, the day of the knock out rounds.

You're sweating, and nervous, jumping around backstage trying to shake off this jittery excess energy. Beca's speech, the one she had given before you had stepped out into the stage earlier with the rest of the Team, had done little to help. Sure, it was inspiring and all that, but you didn't take comfort from it as she had addressed it to the group as a whole, wishing for everyone to do their best, saying she was proud and felt that she had been lucky to have everyone of you on her team.

She hasn't addressed you, or spoken to you directly...and maybe you're taking things a little too personally and you know you really shouldn't. You can't expect special treatment from her. You had to remember she was the Coach and Judge Beca Mitchell first, she had to worry about the others, you can't expect her to coddle you.

* * *

_Chloe Beale will be paired with Barbara Thomas.  
_

Okay. You sigh in relief at first because you weren't paired off with any of your friends, but then you recall Barbara's surprisingly good audition, that she was someone you shouldn't underestimate. She had beaten Mary-Elise out of team Beca. She was very determined, the one artist who came back three years running, and only now did her hard work pay off. You know that she wouldn't just go down without a fight. From the expression on her face, from her stance, you could tell that she was hell-bent on staying and getting much further in the competition. You would almost feel bad for her if she hadn't been such a bitch towards you and your friends, thinking herself above you newbies.

The stage is cleared leaving you alone with Barb, you chance a smile but Barbara doesn't return it.

Barb's song choice was Madonna's 'Like a Virgin' and you feel a flutter of hope, but you had to remind yourself that it wasn't the song choice - although it was a huge deal - but  _how_  you sang it was what would count.

Barb sang it beautifully. It was a great performance, full of energy, but it lacked something...but you shouldn't really be focusing on her, you had to worry about yourself first.

Beca's applauding hard at her performance, before she shifts her gaze to you, and nods almost imperceptibly, her eyes intense, before she turns back on the Beca Mitchell face. It's the only thing she can give to you right now.

_Here's Chloe Beale with Wrecking Ball._

You close your eyes for a moment, to gather yourself. When you open them you are ready, you've let go of everything else nothing but determination coursing through you.

Here we go. You let the soft almost airy tone come out just like you practiced.

 

We clawed, we chained our hearts in vain

We jumped never asking why

We kissed, I fell under your spell.

A love no one could deny

 

You're crooning out the words, slow and steady your eyes half-closed, lost in the words.

 

Don't you ever say I just walked away?

I will always want you

I can't live a lie, running for my life

I will always want you

 

Here you take a huge breath stilling yourself for the strong chorus. You're eyes snap open, looking into Beca's dead on, before you move around working the stage.

 

I came in like a wrecking ball

I never hit so hard in love

All I wanted was to break your walls

All you ever did was wreck me

I came in like a wrecking ball

Yeah, I just closed my eyes and swung

Left me crashing in a blazing fall

All you ever did was wreck me

Yeah, you, you wreck me

 

You let yourself feel, fully immerse yourself in the story you were painting.

 

I never meant to start a war

I just wanted you to let me in

And instead of using force

I guess I should've let you win

This could happen to you. Beca could ruin you, she would always be scared, she would always be unsure. She could break your heart and hard.

 

Don't you ever say I just walked away?

I will always want you

Maybe you were setting yourself up for a loss but at this point you didn't care, because she was worth it. This part was softer more drawn out.

 

I came in like a wrecking ball

I never hit so hard in love

All I wanted was to break your walls

All you ever did was wreck me

I came in like a wrecking ball

Yeah, I just closed my eyes and swung

Left me crashing in a blazing fall

You didn't realize you'd started crying till you felt your voice shake, the last words wavering.

 

All you ever did was wreck me

Yeah, you, you wreck me

Yeah, you, you wreck me

 

You raise a hand to your cheek and feel the wetness, perplexed at how quickly that wave of emotion had come on.

Carson Daly steps in and Barb joins the two of you center stage.

"Those were powerful opening numbers from Chloe Beale and Barbara Thomas. That was excellent girls, the Knock out rounds is off to a very strong start. We'll be giving Coach Beca time to think, let's hear what the other coaches have to say. Adam Levine care to help her with her decision?"

"It's tough because we have here two very strong girls, Barb's been coming back year after year, and I really believe she keeps getting better and that this is the best she's sounded. I really would've preferred a different song but it's just me, to each his own I guess. You did what you could do with the song, you made it your own so kudos to you. I really have to commend Chloe though. Chloe, the one that got away, you are truly amazing. I've always believed in you and you keep surpassing our already high set expectations and I'd give anything for you to come back. To tell you the truth I keep waiting for Mitchell here to slip up so I'd steal you back, but I think our dear Coach Beca has wisen up some."

Adam's smiling widely at Beca who laughs before he looks to you, and he claps before giving you two thumbs up. You smile back mouthing your thank you.

"Coach Usher do you have anything to add?"

"It's really a competition choosing between the fresh and promising new talent or tried and tested, resilient vocals. Though personally I was feeling Chloe more, she always brings a different depth of emotion to the stage, and this time she really stepped it up... maybe some people may think It's too stagey...but it felt real."

You hadn't thought people would think that, you hadn't though to think about how the audience would perceive your performance. You chance a glance at Beca who's chewing on her lip, still not quite meeting your eye. You look at Barb who's normal proud demeanor has crumbled slightly, she's shaking and without a second thought, you reach out, offering your hand to her and though looking hesitant at first, she takes it.

Blake Shelton speaks next.

"What I don't understand is why she was crying," he says making the audience laugh, "nah I'm just kiddin... because you needn't have been worried because that was a darn good performance, that was beautiful who cares if her voice wavered towards the end, she bared her soul to us and her vocals were stellar as well. Barbara's was too, as a matter of fact. Barb's performance was exceptional, you should be proud of yourself, Barb."

Her bottom lips trembling slightly and you squeeze her hand, trying to offer her some sort of comfort. Your own nerves forgotten as you focus on Barb solely.

"Coach Beca? Do we have a decision?"

Her hand tightens around yours, and it's almost painful...

"Yeah I believe I have, as much as It hurts me to have to choose between my girls..."

You think you let a gasp of discomfort escape, and upon hearing you, she loosens her grip before offering you an apologetic look.

"-this is really difficult for me because I believe in their them both..."

"We'll need to hear your final choice here Beca."

"Yeah, yeah. I got it Carson...The winner of the Knockout Rounds is... Chloe Beale." The crowd cheers.

Your triumph is bittersweet, you had gone further up the path, closer to your dream only to have put an end to Barb's.

It's hard to watch as her face crumbles, looking absolutely crushed. You catch her as her knees give way, before Carson Daly steps in to support her weight.

"I'm so sorry." you whisper, as you go in to hug her she intercepts midway, pushing you away violently, nearly causing you to lose your balance and topple over before you somehow manage to recover.

"No! I want this more than anyone, more than anything." Barb shouts over Carson as he reaches out to steady you-his job difficult as he was also facilitating keeping Barb away from you. "I'm the one who deserves this not you. Beca only saved you because she feels sorry for you and your little crush, She's playing favorites..." Barbara says loudly, red faced and angry " You aren't even talented. What did you do, who did you sleep with, how much did you pay to stay so long in the competition?" You expect her to come at you but as soon as Barb gets that off her chest she collapse into tears again.

The shocked silence is deafening in the studio, the stage hands don't react as quickly-not quite knowing what to do, not having expected the sudden violent outburst. They don't stop filming however, and only when they are prompted by the floor director does Carson move things along.

"Chloe Beale is the first of Team Beca to make it to Live Shows," Carson Daly says speaking over her, coughing awkwardly, giving the cue and gesturing for you to continue walking.

You move off the stage shakily, hearing the ringing in your ears. You force a smile as you walk past the audience, you only stop when Beca's suddenly in front of you, her hand on your arm holding you fast, her eyes concerned. She can't really do anything now when the cameras are on her.

"We'll talk later." is all she says.

It had sounded so bad when Barb had said it, she had undermined all your hard work, your abilities. She had made you look like a fool in front of everyone, all the coaches.

"Let's hear it for Barbara Thomas everybody." Carson says smoothly, moving away from the moment. You hear the scattered, prompted applause.

You keep moving, and only when you get offstage do you allow yourself to run. You're feeling the familiar burning behind your eyes, which only pushes you to run faster.

"Chloe!"

"Hey Chloe, are you okay?"

You're pushing past your friend's who're calling after you.

"CHLOE!"

The last one was Beca, but right now you really don't care. You don't slow down. You just had to be alone.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So I wanna hear from you guys, do you guys follow The Voice? I haven't avruKky seen the recent ones. But do you guys have any faves, or moments from the show that you want me to incorporate just Lemme know. Also I haven't gotten around to using some of the songs that some of you have suggested but I'm waiting for the right time, so don't hesitate to make some more suggestions, you can even throw in who you want singing the song.
> 
> Also I forgot to thank Chloe-Sullivan15 for suggesting Hero by Enrique Iglesias. I know you didn't want it to be sung literally to Beca, but it fit perfectly into the scene. And who can resist the idea of Bechloe cuteness warbling out the song to each other. Yeah, I couldn't either.
> 
>  
> 
> **Wrecking Ball-Miley Cyrus**


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the Barb event Chloe wants some time alone to wallow, Beca won't let her.

Beca is the one that finds you much later, shrouded in the darkness of one of the storage rooms.

"Chloe?" she ventures out tentatively, hesitating at the doorway, letting the light temporarily flood in.

You quickly dab at your eyes and start to get to your feet, to open your mouth, but you push down your normal impulse at going to her and remain silent.

You're tempted to say 'Go Away" but instead you curl further into yourself, wishing that you could disappear, needing desperately to be left alone so you could wallow in self-pity. Perhaps Beca would leave in a bit, she was probably just checking. It's not like she knew you were in there.

"Chloe, I know you're in here..." You still, stopping yourself from reacting to how she had seemingly answered your thoughts. "Chloe... I don't really care about what she said...and you shouldn't either... so don't be embarrassed. You know what's true and what's not...true."

Beca seems to make up her mind after a moments pause and finally steps inside, letting the door close loudly behind her.

"Shit it's dark..." she mutters, "yeah way to go captain obvious" she then says, answering herself.

You hear some things clatter as Beca starts stumbling about in the dark."What the hell? Where's the switch?" You can hear her scrambling looking for one, but she isn't successful in finding one after slapping around the length of the wall for a couple of seconds. She quickly pulls out her phone, making do with the small light serving to guide her.

"Chloe...So we took care of Barb. And don't worry about the footage. " She says not letting up with her talking, even as the seconds of her seemingly talking to herself drags on."The beauty of having editors is that we can keep messing up but they can fix everything - you don't have to tape it again won't have to face Barb, well to put it simply, she can no longer show her face or come back to audition again, ever. I had wanted to be nice, but after you left, she was still talking smack about you, so I couldn't help giving her the treatment she deserved..." Beca says, all the while she keeps moving, getting closer and closer, until pushing some racks out of the way, she sees you hiding in the corner.

She looks into the darkness, squinting at your figure, perhaps not sure what she was seeing until she raises her phone and your eyes finally meet "Shit!" she says as she jumps back, putting a hand to her chest."Are you trying to give me a heart attack? Jesus...Chloe what are you doing sulking in the corner?"

Normally you'd find this sort of thing amusing but at the mere mention of Barb's name you feel the same wave of shame, the same pang of embarrassment wash over you.

You shrug, the pain at the back of your throat intensifies, and you swallow back your tears. You're a total mess. Everything had been getting to you as of late. The pressure kept building, and you were only so strong to keep it together for so long. You hate feeling like the victim though. You can't let something as small as a stupid comment get to you, you've been crying enough as it is. Get over yourself Chloe...

You're thankful for the semi-darkness hiding your tears, you see it wasn't just Beca who had issues with showing weakness and for some reason or another you just hated Beca seeing you as such, being portrayed as a weakling cry-baby even though at the moment it was true.

"So we've graduated from toilets to storage rooms now?" she says, trying to make light of the situation.

She approaches you, crouches to your level on the floor, leaning at the back of her heels, facing you "Uh..." she flounders for a few seconds, awkwardly trying to find more words to comfort you. You save her the effort.

"How did you find me?" You're glad your voice sounds steady.

"It was surprisingly easy. I followed the spatters of tears on the floor and it led me here… No, I just had to ask if they had seen an inconsolable running red-head. I just asked which direction you went..." Beca says drolly, her head tilting as she tries to meet your eyes, once she does she flashes a wide silly grin, distorting her face purposely to make you laugh.

You chuckle a bit, but you stop it quickly turning serious once again. You break your eye contact and duck your head.

"You want to talk about it... or something?" she asks, finally allows herself to sit down properly, with an accompanying sigh and a little grunt, seeing that you wanted to remain miserable.

"No, it's fine. I've already forgotten it." you say though it's quite the opposite. Personally, you don't think you sound convincing but Beca just nods her head, and voices out her approval .

"You should, Barb was way out of line there and you worked your way to be here, just like every one of them."

You really have no choice, before you know it you're raising your head wanting to hear more, wanting to believe her.

"You have talent, grace and unlike Barbara Thomas you also have poise... And, you take criticism humbly." You deserve to be here Chloe." Beca says earnestly, her eyes holding yours, her hands resting on your arms.

"Thanks," you mumble, wishing that what she said was enough, wishing it would erase what was now imprinted in your memory. You let it go for the time being, no use getting upset over spilt milk and all that.

"So, are you better? 'Cos that's all I've got, but if you want anything..."

"Yes, I'd like you to stop trying to make me feel better... " Beca let's out a gasp of shock, and you hurry in explaining yourself, not wanting to sound ungrateful "I mean thanks, but let's face it the comforting part isn't really your forte..."

"Yeah...sorry..." she says, apologizing awkwardly.

"Don't worry, we can work on it, but it's okay. What I need..." you pause, thinking of all the things you need that she can't really give your right now, and so you settle on "I just need a distraction...I need... to get out of here." you say,

"I'm glad you said that; we are going out clubbing." Beca says clapping her hands and you feel the sudden return of her enthusiasm as she gets to her feet, and you feel a slight jump of hope for the night, her excitement infectious." You're missing your own party, by the way. Well technically it's for all the contestants who are in the top 4, but you're the one they're all anxiously waiting for. So is that okay-is that a sufficient enough distraction for you?"

"Okay..."

"Okay?"

"Okay!" You roll your eyes at the smile she brings back to your face.

"Okay... Here." She offers her hand out to you and you take it. She pulls you up and the momentum causes you to stumble, so you're in close proximity with her. You swear to God this situation doesn't get old...you're feeling hazy as you feel her arms steadying you, her breath on your face, your chests pressed tightly together,

"Hey, whoa. Steady there... You sure you're okay?" her voice low, your eyes meet and for a second you feel that crackle of energy flowing between the two of you. But you break it first, feeling out of sorts, nervous, feeling inexplicably scared instead of being comforted and reveling in it. You cough, before you laugh trying to recover, straightening yourself up.

"My hero," you say, smiling widely hoping to mask your sudden apprehension, She looks away, shyly. Is she blushing?

"Are you blushing?" you ask her aloud.  
"No." Beca scoffs rolling her eyes,

"You so are..." you say, content in teasing her, trying to push away any trace of suddenly weird feelings you were getting.

"How would you know it's dark." she says, moving her phone away, it was no use you had seen her.

"I have excellent night-vision..." you bite back.

"You don't have goggles." she says raising her eyebrow.

"I don't need them, I can see in dark..I have this thing in my eyes, the same as the nocturnal animals that allows me to see in the dark."

She actually stops at that seemingly mulling it over...and you start laughing,

"You don't actually believe me, do you?"

"Of course not...I was merely struck at how silly your retort was..."

"It could be true..." you say defensively, and Beca just stares you down until you finally say "Fine...It can't, and whatever we both know you were blushing." She doesn't comment on it further only letting a sly smile peek out, before she changes the subject.

"C'mon, let's just go. We'll pass by your place. I'll just get ready there if you don't mind?" she says rather than asks, but you don't really mind, I mean who would?

"Yeah sure... Um do we have to stop by somewhere else for your clothes?" you inquire first, trying to think of everything.

"Don't worry about me I have some spare things in the car..." she answers , and you both shuffle a bit...and you look around before asking  
"Wait, this is the right way out? We're going the right way?" you question suddenly just to be sure.

"Uh yeah..." Beca says hesitatingly. It sounded more like a question that.

"You don't sound so sure."

"I am." she says more firmly this time.

"What're you waiting for? " you ask, gently pushing her to urge her keep moving.

"For me to get my bearing...alright, okay. I remember now." she says reaching out to grab your hand, "C'mon then... God, this place is so dusty," she says coughing as she moves ahead, pushing some boxes here and there, seeming to find it harder making her way back out.

"I didn't really have a choice. It was the first door I saw that was unlocked." you say, still wondering at how you'd navigated so easily and gotten so far into the room, you guess you hadn't really minded all that mess the first time around.  
Upon finally finding the door, you wrench it open as quickly as possible and race outside.  
"Yeah, I'll be needing to use your shower." Beca says after a few more minutes, after several seconds of gasping and coughing.

"My... shower?" You say slowly, blanking out at the thought... Beca Mitchel in your shower. So many happy wet dreams you've had, and now it's going to happen for real.

"Yeah, the enclosure in which a person stays under a spray of water to wash, where you go to get cleaned, where you sing? Ring any bells?" she says dusting herself off, looking sweaty and dirty and exhausted but she still manages that smile of hers.

You'd give anything to be the dirt, or the sweat sticking to her body...or even the water that would be cascading, touching her everywhere intimately.

"Yes, shower- sure..." You nod your head quickly after that, C'mon you were anything but accommodating.

"Yeah we both really need one, You especially, you look like Bert the chimney sweep from Mary Poppins." she says getting in a last insult.

"Yeah well you look like the kids on Oliver, or Annie before they were adopted or something..." you reply and the two of you just smile and sigh, too tired to continue.

"Hey look the switch was outside..." you comment, noticing it only after you had walked a few steps.

"Figures." Beca just says.

"Come on..." and the two of you start making way out of the building.

Aubrey sent you a text, saying she was going back home for the weekend.

**_Yeah we have this NBC event tonight._ **

_Okay where will it be?_

**_Some night scene in LA._ **

_Ooh will you be rubbing against major celebrities?_

**_I think it's pretty private... Just the voice people - contestants mostly..._ **

_Okay, have fun with Beca... Try not to get too drunk. You know how you get. I'd be worried if I where her. Kidding aside take care. Make sure you have a way to get back home safely. Text me when you do. Love you hon, see you when I get back!_

**_Miss ya already Bree_ **

"We don't have enough time, so you better get ready quick." she says as you both exit the car. What was she talking about? You had gotten to your place in record time with plenty of minutes to spare. You rush to your closet and take out two of your sexy club ensembles. You bring them out, holding them up for Beca to choose; one a Two toned Metallic halter dress, and the other this off-shoulder black mini-dress.

"That one," she points, smiling approvingly.

Good choice the halter dress was new, you'd loved it as soon as you'd spotted it and it didn't hurt that it flattered your figure perfectly; making your legs look longer, your waist smaller.

"So um do you want to go first or...?" Or at the same time you ask, finishing the question in your head.

"You can go first. I don't take long anyway..." she offers, before she hunts for something to sit on as to not dirty anything.

"Okay..." You let out a weird giggle. Beca gestures for you to go on and you quickly close the bathroom door.

You undress slowly, conscious for the first time in your own house. You don't know why you're afraid to speak, to make any sound really, like in doing so, she could somehow see or hear your nakedness.

You turn the heat up, almost to scalding and that's when you step in, feeling the heat, the water the steam cleansing you all over, before you know it you've started humming a tune that had always served in unwinding you in the past ridding you of all the stress and making you forget everything for a mere moment.

That was until sometime later, when two strong knocks bring you back to reality. You'd been standing there, no longer scrubbing, shampooing or soaping.

"You done yet?"

"Uh huh, I'm done!" you say, frantically shutting of the shower, grabbing for your towel and haphazardly wrapping it about you.

You quickly pull open the door and hurriedly step out and are surprised by Beca tumbling in, slipping, trying to grab at anything, you feel a strong yank and you manage, despite all of the flailing, to catch her.

"Are you okay?" you worriedly ask her. It's funny how the two of you keep falling for each other, falling all over each other, falling for the other to be ready to catch you mean. The thought makes you smile despite yourself.

"Ow, um yeah. Uh Chloe, your, um you're…" Beca says. Her face is a bit red, not looking at you for some reason. You glance down and turn red as well. What with all that commotion, you hadn't realized your towel had come loose. Uh Shit.

So much for being ashamed, it's all out for Beca to see. What can you do? Exactly you can't rewind anything instead, you push away your discomfort, like it wasn't a big deal.

"What where you doing listening in on me showering?" you ask, tucking in the towel snugly and crossing your arms in front of you, sounding angry, but in reality you're just freaked by what had happened.

She laughs, sounding nervous as well, incredulous. Okay, yes that was your paranoia being shown there.

Beca doesn't say anything further, seeming rather shaken (you don't say?)

"Earth to Beca...Beca?..." you try, she doesn't respond,

"BECA!" you finally shout, jolting her out of her stupor.

"What were you doing, where you going all titanium?" she fires back at you. You blush heavily, you were singing but you weren't-not when she was outside that was just all kinds of kinky that you two weren't quite ready for...yet.

"I wasn't...So you were listening!" you don't know why you're sounding so defensive, you just feel mortified, rankled, all shook up.

"I was just...trying to determine when you'd be done." she says quickly, looking uncomfortable, still not glancing directly at you.

The two of you are blundering mess-both red faced and sputtering. You save each other further torture, stepping out of the washroom. "I'm done alright? I'll get changed. There are towels in the closet just there. I'll be leaving you to have your turn in the shower."

"Okay, you better be dressed and ready by the time I get out... Hey, the company car will be here in ten minutes." she says, giving the necessary jolt reminding you that you had to be somewhere else.

You sigh when she closes the door. She had taken her red dress in with her, so there would be no chance of Beca returning the favour, and you slap your hand to your head as you cringe, thinking about what had just happened. You can't believe that just... happened, you can't believe you traumatized Beca that way, springing them out like that.

Come on it wasn't your fault.

Of course she'd get to see your girls someday, but not like that...Not with her looking scared of them.

You shimmy into your outfit and when you walk to stand in front of your full-length mirror, you're feeling a sliver better, loving how good it makes you look. Maybe the night may just be salvageable, and it could turn towards the best.

You take great care in applying your make-up. You don't do much, just a little blush for a natural tint on your cheeks, some pink nude lipstick, but you really play up the eyes using sheer purple and some cream as a palette, and outline with turquoise and dark blue eye pencils, and lastly, some mascara.

You're brushing, blow-drying, finishing off some kinks in your hair when Beca appears, her towel wrapped around on her head...make-up less, she stops by your doorway.

"Is this okay?" you ask tentatively, straightening up giving a little twirl, feeling nervous as her eyes appraises you. You can't help thinking she saw you naked...Beca's seen you naked.

You expect a quip from her but, "you look...beautiful," she says seriously, and you look up at the tone of her voice. Its low, velvety quality, and your body reacts accordingly, jolting somewhere between your navel and much lower region. She's staring hard at you, blinking slowly and then her eyes narrow.

"Wait you have something just there-" Beca then says,

"Wh-where?" you stutter,

"Just by your forehead...Some eye makeup got scattered" and you turn to look in the mirror once more,

"What I don't see anything."

"Let me do it!" Beca says, walking straight into your bubble. She leans close to you and uses her thumb to rub at it, her fingers, her whole hand feels warm, caressing your face.

"You got it?" you venture out slowly.

"Yeah, there now you're perfect," she says, smiling, looking directly into your eyes.

"What about you...Uh do you need any help with your...with anything?" you ask, trying to control your nerves, feeling hot everywhere.

Just then car pulls up into your driveway.

"No...I'm fine." Beca says before she glances at her phone, "C'mon you have to go..." Just you? What happened to we? Something smells fishy here.

You clean up haphazardly, turn off the lights all in a flurry, as she hurries you out of your apartment and pushes you into the company car-"You go ahead," she says before she starts closing the door. Okay what was going on here?

"Uh...do you plan to be going somewhere else or something?" you wonder aloud while you're pushing, more like forcing the door back open.

"No, I'm going to the party..." she says soothingly, " but... I think it's best we get there in separate cars." she explains.

You nod in understanding though your heart drops somewhat.

She taps the car, which starts it moving.

You roll down the window. "I can't leave you standing out here...You still have the towel on your head by the way." She feels her head before she laughs.

"Don't worry... my hair and make-up artist people Jean and Claude are in the other car, the one that's coming. They still have a lot to do. I'll follow. See yah, Chloe," she says before you speed off you turn and watch her as she gets into her own car.

The party is way underway when you arrive. There are flashes of cameras as you exit the car. You stumble, having to reorient yourself for a second, having to recover the light still dancing behind your eyes, until you see Stacie who was engaged in a conversation with Fat Amy quickly waves you over, you are engulfed in their group hug.

"Hey, I'm glad you made it..." Stacie says rubbing your shoulder, stepping back after the normal amount of hugging time is done, while Amy on the other hand, doesn't.

"Amy, you can let go now..." you say your voice muffled as Fat Amy's grip tightens for a second before she lets go.

"Sorry, when I give hugs I go all out. You look like you could use a great big Fat Amy sized one."

"You had us worried for a second there." Stacie says,

"Baloney Barb's a sore, stuck up loser. Your performance was better than hers," Cynthia Rose says joining your huddle.

"Her performance was as baloney as her tits," Fat Amy says, and the four of you start laughing.

"Where's Kori?" you ask, glancing about.

"She's inside with the rest of Team Adam..." Stacie shrugs, in an 'what did you expect' manner. Yeah your friend wasn't really to keen when it came to Kori.

"What're you guys doing out here?" you question amused, knowing that these girls loved to party- partied harder than most people you know.

"Well, we were waiting for someone special..." Stacie says after sharing a look with the other two.

"Aw... guys Thank-" You begin to say, feeling touched.

"Yeah, we can't quite party without Coach Mitchell." Fat Amy says interrupting you. Your smile quickly turns into a frown. Fat Amy laughs and so does Stacie, and Cynthia Rose.

"We're kidding. The least we could do is wait for our Beca, seeing as she was the one who went out to find said special person." Cynthia Rose says her voice gruff after clearing her throat,

"Aw, guys," you say again, and you pull them into another group hug.

"Wow, this already looks promising," Beca murmurs from behind you.

The group hug breaks up quickly as you all turn and okay...she changed into something else. Shit, she looks so, forgive the language, so fuckable. Her sheer silver dress leaving little to the imagination.

"Damn coach!" They all say running to Beca.

"See, this is what I was waiting for. I wanted to walk in with the hottest coach hands down on my arm..." Fat Amy says. Your friends are lucky that you agree with them, so you don't get offended that they've all but forgotten you with their short attention spans.

But you however, are a tad bit confused. The way she was dressed now didn't give any indication that she was attached, not even a little, much less that she was engaged to another man. So who was she showing off for? You hope against hopes that it's for you.

"The pleasures all mine, ladies," she says, holding out her arms as you and Stacie link with hers, and Fat Amy links with yours, and Cynthia Rose links with Stacie.

"And the party don't start till I walk in," she murmurs, as she waltzes pass the bouncers.

"Miss Mitchell, girls," they greet, opening the doors, the waves of sound drifting outside.

"Seems pretty wild." you shout as to be heard over the din of noise.

"Woot!" Cynthia Rose hollers, and you laugh as Fat Amy starts making noises as well.

"Just how I like it." Stacie all but purrs, smirking glancing around with an almost hungry gaze, as if by instinct getting her sexy on.

"I was born in the wild." Fat Amy shouts,

"What are you waiting for let's go party animals!" Beca shouts.

You make your way directly to the reserved section, greeting, making small talk with the rest of the contestants. Most of them have a comforting word to say to you. While some, Bumper and his boys, now knowing that you liked girls as well were just crass with their innuendos that you'd much rather not think about. You ignore them, all you wanted... was to let loose and have fun even for a few moments with your girls.

The whole celebration takes an all new turn into the dangerous when they bring out the alcohol. The younger ones could stay and enjoy it, but couldn't drink. It didn't stop them from having fun though. Beca might've secretly given leeway or slipped them something...

The girls have gone ahead to the dance floor, you stick behind with Beca, still nursing your first drink; a rum and coke, planning to head off as well as soon as you finish it.

"Let's dance!" you say, pulling on her arm, trying to convince her to go with you.

"I don't dance dude." she says adamantly, shaking her arm loose.

"What do you mean, you dance all the time in your music videos." you say, a single eyebrow raised.

"It's called production value, I just stand there look pretty and moving on occasion, while the dancers move around me." Beca spreads her arms in a 'what can you do' motion. You roll your eyes before you stand up.

"C'mon, you're such a buzzkill, live a little…don't tell me Beca hasn't got the moves." you say challengingly, trying to get a rise out of her,

"And you're going to tell me you do." she says meeting your gaze dead on, before crossing her arms, refusing to budge, looking content in staying there all night.

"Yeah I got plenty, especially when I get a little jiggle juice into my system…You better watch out. I'm a very affectionate, needy drunk, so after a few more of these you'll see an all new side of Chloe." You stand there, still waiting for her to break.

"How can you get even more affectionate, that's not even possible?"

"Watch me." You smile in reply, before you throw back your drink and turn to make your way to the crowded dance floor.

A couple of moments, several, no, plenty of drinks later you show her just how possible it is... You can still Beca sitting in the VIP area, watching on as the rest of you are still dancing around. Stacie, Cynthia Rose and Fat Amy are with you in the centre of the dance floor. Your sweat heated bodies aren't tired yet, enjoying the bass of the the music reverberating feeling it, the thrum of energy, as you move about mindlessly, a couple of the boys are trying to get around you girls. You dance with Luke, but you don't allow him to get too close and you oh so casually sidestep and shoot down his attempts of getting his hands on your body.

You're taking everything in semi-consciousness. You're only slightly buzzed, but you are feeling the tell-tale signs of your slipping into it. The first stage where you're only half aware, everything seems to register much slower through your fogged state...You feel your head lolling forward, feel a pair of arms around your waist, pulling you close. You start to half-heartedly push away then you realize who it is.

"It's me, I think you should sit down," says her mouth, close to your ear. You feel yourself involuntarily shiver.

Everyone all around you cheer and you look up at Beca trying to lead you away.

"No, I want to dance!" you insist, resisting her pull.

"C'mon Becks, let's dance," Stacie says, and they surround the two of you, dancing, cheering as Lorde's Royal plays, jumping widely around. You move along with the beat. Beca smiles amused, shakes her head and stays, but only sways from side to side, keeping an arm around your waist and her watchful eyes trained on you.

Song after song plays and Beca remains by your side, dutifully keeping watch, swaying, jumping along with Stacie and Fat Amy when they encourage her to.

Another cheer goes up when Usher arrives, joining the throng, then Adam, stopping to chat.

Speaking of chatting, you've gone into the stage two; the chatty Chloe Beale drunk phase... you talk and talk about anything and everything all the while Beca's just there patiently humoring you. You finally stop, feeling thirsty, making your way with Beca to the Bar.

"Let's do some shots!" You order, catching the attention of the bartender. He lays out several shots in front of the two of you.

"What do you want, I've always quite liked jello shots...I mean who doesn't like jello...it's wriggly and yummy...you know like that flubber character...which I don't think is yummy at all..." "Hey, I've been wondering... Are you planning to score tonight?" you don't quite know how the latter part slipped out, you shake your head trying to clear it you're worried a lot more might slip out. You look at your shot glass and automatically bring it to your mouth.

"Okay...No more shots for you..." Beca just as quickly takes the glass from you, remarkably not spilling a drop.

"Hey, give it back!" you protest, and you reach over to take it back, for every move you make to take it, Beca in turns moves it away trying to keep it out of your reach. The whole process you find so amusing, didn't she know how much longer your limbs where, she seems to realize this soon and quickly drinks it herself.

"You can't keep drinking for me, though I admit I'd love to get you drunk." you say, and you can feel yourself getting your flirt on as you lean in closer to Beca.

"Yeah...I have a higher tolerance than most, so good luck with that." Beca says calmly, before ordering you a glass of water.

"You suck..." you say, expressing your disappointment aloud.

"No, I'm just a total badass..."she says and back is that smirk of hers, "So Why're you asking me?"

"Nothing, it's just you're dressed for it..."

"Uh, thanks? Can't I look hot just because I want to, for no one at all? "she asks too casual, averting her eyes, when you look hard at her.

"You don't fool me," you say, laughing as she takes another shot. You're smile growing as you know it's for you after all.

"My beautiful ladies, how you doing? Usher says as he approaches the two of you and you visibly pull back from the other. Darn.

"Can I get you any drinks?" Usher says sliding in between the two of you.

"We've got it covered thanks, Ush," Beca says after he gives her a hug, and offers his hand to you, before he pulls you in giving you a pat in the back and he looks into your eyes.

"Chloe, I just want to tell you sorry about the Barb thing, You didn't deserve that. Don't let it get to you, you're amazingly talented. You know how hard I fought for you..."

"Thanks, Ush," you say weakly, as he pulls away from you.

"Even though I'm still stinging from the fact that you chose Mitchell here over me," he says, laughing.

"So Mitchell, where's Swanson at? That boys been working too hard, he should get to play a little. Look at what he's missing, You shouldn't leave a fine looking woman all by her lonesome."

"Yeah... Hey, don't worry about us. There are plenty of fine looking ladies in need of your awesome dance skills back there on the dance floor." Beca says, smiling mockingly, pushing him on his way back to the dancefloor.

You don't miss her deflection to his question. You're wondering what it the situation with Jesse and her right now, and she's pretty closed up on him and their relationship these days.

"Yeah, I'm going, I'm going..." he says, jumping back into the fray, emitting more wild cheers from the crowd as OMG starts playing.

"So, where is Jesse anyway?" you ask, hoping she'll give in and answer you.

"Jesse's supposed to be arriving tonight. He's supposed to be at this party actually..." Okay, you weren't expecting that.

"HE'S HERE?" You shout feeling shocked and nervous and just plain scared, you're heart beating faster, there's a throbbing somewhere in your head, and for a second, everybody stops to look at you. Okay, that was quite loud...

"I mean...LET"S HEAR IT FOR THE VOICE TOP 16!" you shout, trying to cover up for it and everyone starts chanting, "TOP 16 woot!"

Before Bumper starts his own chant "TEAM USHER FOR THE WIN!" causing others to start chanting as well.

"TEAM ADAM LEVINE!"

"TEAM BLAKE four-peat!"

"TEAM BECA!" Stacie and Cynthia Rose holler. There's a great deal of commotion that follows, more people start swarming all around, crowding up the bar.

"Uh god." Your head's not reacting well to the noise, or anything, from the lights to the fog all the people surrounding you... It's too much, making you suddenly trapped, claustrophobic, suffocating you. You need air.

"What's wrong?" Beca asks, concerned.

Okay the alcohol in your system didn't help either, amping up, heightening your tendencies of paranoia. Jesse could be watching the two of you right now. What if he was? You stand up looking around frantically trying to make out Jesse Swanson's figure, was that him by the table there, No. That guy in blue was of similar build but it wasn't him. You jump when someone passes by you, and before you know it you're hyperventilating, feeling woozy, faint.

"C'mon let's get you out of here." Beca leads you back to the secluded VIP area, which is empty. You collapse on the cushioned couch, breathing in slowly, your eyes squeezed tight.

"Are you okay, Chloe? What happened back there?" she asks, laying her hand on your forehead. You feel the weight start to lift, the wave of panic slowly ebbing away.

"Chloe open your eyes! Are you okay?" You open them and she looks so worried.

"Sorry...I'm okay... Overexcited, I guess..." you gasp out, between you steady gulps for air.

"Dude, you looked like you were having a heart attack. I thought for a second you were having a seizure because of all the strobe lights... Don't scare me like that!" her eyes are wide, huge in their helplessness, and concern.

She watches you closely as little by little you feel slowly reaching normalcy.

"So... Jesse's here, right now?" you say far more calmly than you are actually feeling. So she dressed up for him. You internally heave a sigh.

"Well, he's on the list of sure to attend. He confirmed weeks ago, but he hasn't been answering my calls, so I'm not sure if he caught the last flight or not..."

Okay she wasn't so sure. All that stress, being worried for nothing. He just might be here, or he could still be on his way or not be coming at all. You wanna keep your fingers crossed for the latter.

She's talking, and even with your current all-over-the-place state you manage to notice that she's still leaning over you. Your eyes start following her mouth's every movement, but your ears are no longer paying attention to what she's saying. Your whole energy concentrated on how she looks, how gorgeous she is. You feel her warmth, her weight on you.

You're feeling nervous once again, but this time it feels like a good kind of nervous, with the alcohol you're feeling so much more, all the way down to your stomach(the butterflies have gone wild, amped up as well) you almost feel nauseous like you want to vomit. Not actual vomit, word vomit.

You can't stop to think, you just had to blurt it out.

"Shush you, I want to say something," you slur. You suddenly put up a finger, stilling those lips of hers. In the back of your mind, you're wondering at how soft they were, wondering how good it'll feel against your own lips...

"I just want to say...that I want to kiss you."

There's a pause, a flicker in her eyes before she laughs.

"Wow, you are so wasted. I thought you'd sobered up some." she says as she pulls away from your semi-embrace of earlier. "I should've known you'd be quite the funny drunk. So the whole time that was just the alcohol talking." she concludes,

"I'm not that drunk..." You get on your feet to demonstrate. "See, I'm totally walking straight... But, the ground just keeps tilting from side to side. Whoa, I feel like I'm in zero gravity...I'm Sandra Bullock, watch me..." you say slowly, bouncing from one foot to another, imitating the astronauts, walking on the moon.

"Yeah, alright Chloe," she says, pulling you to sit back down. "Trust me, there's gravity here and it'll hurt like hell if you slip and fall, and as your coach I need to ensure your wellness in every aspect."

"Okay uh a kiss would make me feel better, you know kissing burns away calories, almost as much as undressing, massaging and having sex..." you say smoothly,

"Okay, good to know... Chloe, you're too loud keep your voice down." she says chancing a glance around. "I think we better get you home... Is Aubrey there? Will she be able to look after you in case you have to puke?"

"No, she's out for the weekend. Hey, hey, wanna sleepover and not sleep?" you say, trying to play that line straight, trying to make it come-off as sexy but you snort, ruining it. Beca laughs in spite of herself,

"Sounds tempting, but I'll have to pass. Besides, you're totally wasted. I'm sure you'll just black out as soon as you get in your bed."

"Hey, hey c'mon. We're veering far from the topic here... Don't you feel it, because I do... I want you. I want to kiss you so bad..."

"You don't really want to do that." you hate the almost patronizing tone, the look she has...sure you were trashed, but you were trying to tell her something serious here and she wasn't really listening, hearing, or paying attention to what exactly it is you were trying to convey to her.

"Bitch, don't tell me what I want!" you shout angrily, snapping your fingers for emphasis as you are overcome suddenly with frustration. Beca looks stunned, actually backing away before you burst into laughter. You just gots your sass on, it was rubbing off on you courtesy of Kori and Cynthia Rose,

"Chloe, I'm flattered, but…I can't." She looks sad for a moment, but you know she's never really that serious, so you can't be sure if it's genuine.

"Why not? I thought you...loved me. Don't you even liked me?" You always get like this when drunk - emotional and needy and a little frisky. You realize you just might regret this in the morning.

"C'mon Chloe." She's actually smiling at you, with that insanely tender look on her face, almost affectionate –the minx. " _Of course_ I love you, you're my friend."

"God, why don't you just stab me in the heart, why don't you?" You hear her laughing hysterically.

Okay, maybe she's not as sober as you thought either, but you think it's also because you're not quite sure if what you're saying is what you are thinking or the other way around. Yeah its a mess, you're a mess. A drunken hot mess. So much for impressing Beca.

* * *

 

You're jolted awake. You had planned to close your eyes for a mere moment but only once you open it again do you realize that you had fallen asleep-that you had been sleeping for nearly thirty minutes, you glance around you.

The club is electric and the scene is just getting started, with people going at it way into the morning.

But all around, the rest of the voice artists have all collapsed on some of the other couches, worn out. Some of the network executives had come by earlier to congratulate everyone for the excellent shows. You had all been instructed to take it easy, and not to party too hard and you did... until all the suits left. You're surprisingly the last, or was it the first one standing, you're probably the only one who can. After Beca and you had calmed down a bit you'd started drinking water trying to sober up. You're not quite sober just yet, but you're almost there...slightly there.

You can't speak for everyone else however.

Beca's beside you, drinking a bottle of tequila, her head resting heavily on the table. As the night progressed more and more did she keep glancing at the doorway, checking her phone, each time she did so seemingly more determined more desperate than the last. She finally left to take a call, and when she came back she'd started pouring herself drink after drink.

"Hey." You nudge her. "Where's Jesse?"

Jesse-smesse..." you watch her smile lazily at you, and you push past the daze of the alcohol... apparently it was now your turn to watch over her

"I think he'd want to know where you are, and that you got home safely..." ,"Should I phone someone to help you home or something?"

"Screw Jesse...No wait, don't screw him. That's just yuck."

You laugh.

"No, I'm so tired of him and his constant guilt-trips. I don't...care about him, I just want y- to enjoy tonight here with you...C'mon okay, you talked me into it let's dance!"

You weren't quite sure what she mean exactly, or how much she meant what she was saying. She was plastered right now, but you allow her to drag you to the middle of the dance floor.

You know you should be more worried... that you should be asking more about what she had just revealed to you, but right now with Beca and you slow dancing to Zedd's Stay the Night (you manage to comfortably and successfully keep Beca upright) her arms around your neck, yours spanning her waist her face tucked in the crook of your neck, You can't really find it in your heart to.

Beca sighs happily in your arms, "You're the best, I love you Chloe." she mumbles, you close your eyes and try to believe for a second that she really means it,

"I love you more." you reply

It's three in the morning. You're fully sober now, but still oh so tired, feeling spent, just spent. You're taking in the scenery, watching as the car drives along Hollywood Hills, on the way to Beca's home. Beca was passed out, you had made sure every one of those people yes even Bumper had a way home, spending time getting cabs( pairing the ones who were going in the same direction) as the voice company cars that were left were limited mostly for the coaches only.

You had made a decision to ride along with Beca to her house in the car, Hank her usual driver got behind the wheel, then to hail a cab going back in the opposite direction back to your place. You finally pull up to her reasonably sized Hollywood estate. You remember seeing the pictures, looking at Google maps, but seeing the real thing… Let's just say the pictures didn't really give it justice.

You look around, wondering how to get in...

"Hank, do I get out?"

"No, I'll take care of it..." He takes out his phone, speaks for a few seconds, "the hummingbirds at its nest, it brought a worm to eat." you suppose Beca was the Hummingbird and that makes you the worm...that she wanted to eat...hmm was it just you or did that sound a tad bit suggestive.

The gate opens, and he drives for a few seconds before there's a guard house, where he needs to show ID before they let him pass. When you pull up to the actual house, after a few more stops of Id-checking later a middle-aged lady comes running out. You stiffen not knowing who she is, not knowing how to explain the situation. Who was she, was she a relative of Beca's that you would have to impress?

"Hank. How is she?" she asks, running up tot the car she addresses Hank but her eyes appraise you curiously. Okay this woman looked rather intimidating, and strict someone that you didn't want to mess with unless you wanted to be disciplined.

"Uh, she's passed out." Hank answers hesitantly, rubbing the back of his head in consternation. The lady's eyebrow shoot us almost disappearing into her hair, she quickly glances inside to confirm it

"Beca never gets drunk." she says wandering aloud, sounding worried.

"Yeah...I'm sorry about that, I didn't really stop her." you finally speak, finding your words after initially being tongue-tied. She finally smiles and she doesn't look so foreboding anymore.

"It's alright dear, you're not her keeper, that would be me, I'm Marie her housekeeper." she says warmly,

"Hey Marie I'm-" you say in turn introducing yourself,

"You're Chloe Beale, of course I know you." she smiles brightly, she accepts your offered hand wholly with two of her own.

"Oh you watch the show?" her eyes are twinkling with unbridled excitement,

"Regularly and faithfully. Do I watch the show what kind of question is that? Little Becky is there of course I do, but no, I know you from Beca's tales about you. She really is fond of you, but yes I am a fan."

"I teared up at your Blind Auditions piece. That was beautiful. Could you sign something for me?"

Aw, Beca's housekeeper was a fan, and Beca talked to her about you...interesting...you wonder what Marie may know about you. you wonder what Beca says to her. Oh yeah, how could you almost forget Beca who was passed out and needed to get to her bed.

"Um of course I would and thanks Marie but uh...Beca..." you say gently reminding Marie,

She opens the door, at Beca's side and crouches low. "How're you feeling Becky...Can you walk up to your room?"

Beca only groans,"Jello wriggly" and rolls over, the three of you sport common amused looks.

"Oh yes, she won't be moving for a while. Hank would you be a dear...I know she's a tad bit heavier."

"No problem, Miss Marie," Frank crouches low, gently eases Beca into a sitting position and coaches her "C'mon Miss Mitchell" to put her arms around his neck while he lifts her body, Beca tucks her head into his shoulder, they make their way into the house. You see Marie disarming several complicated looking security systems before the door opens, and they step in. You however hesitate by the doorway, feeling very much like a vampire awaiting permission to go in.

Marie quickly notices you.

"Chloe, I mean Miss Beale, sorry I'm so used to Beca calling you that.

"No it's okay you can call me Chloe, Marie."

"Okay then Chloe, Beca's not conscious to welcome you but please come in, kindly make yourself at home..."

"Wow our little girls all grown up. I remember I used to carry her in when she was thirteen, exhausted from her acting auditions, and her trying to start her music producer career..." Hank comments as they ascend the stairs. You settle on one of the sofas in the wide receiving room. You only hear their voices as it echoes before muffling as they reach the second floor.

"She's been working so hard for so long..."

"Yeah for now there's nothing a good rest can't cure...and probably a little less drama in her life, she's had enough,"

Marie comes down after a few minutes, "She's fine...sleeping soundly as a baby."

"So Chloe, you look like you could use a nice pick me up...Coffee, tea, cocoa?"

"Sure. For the road."

You chat for a while about your family, The Voice and working with Beca, as you ready the drinks.

The two of you are finishing your Swiss miss cocoa's in comfortable silence, after all the talking. Marie had such a calming, wise way about her, she reminded you so much of your Grande. She had told you little titbits here and there about Beca that you didn't know yet: that the Marie from Beca's name was from her, because she had also been Beca's mothers housekeeper, like how Beca still needed a nightlight before she could sleep, as she was still afraid of the dark, and how Beca used to have a stutter, which they finally fixed by getting her to read Shakespeare, which had in turn sparked her interest for plays.

You're laughing at another Beca childhood story, when you get a glimpse of the time, and you think of how Marie was probably too nice to hint that you should be going, you quickly cut the conversation to start saying your farewell,

"Marie, that was wonderful, thanks ... for everything, um I'm sorry I've imposed on your hospitality...I didn't realize how late it was. Can you tell Beca once she wakes up to call me?" You get to your feet, and hug the dear old lady.

"You weren't a bother dear, I can see why Becky enjoys your company so much." she says stepping back, and your cheeks are tinged pink at the double compliment.

"May I ask how do I get a cab from here?"

"You'll be taking a cab at this time?"

"Yes I live on the other side of town...I can't let Hank drive out at this hour when he's already here."

"Nonsense. You know, I think it's best you slept over. It's late. I know I shouldn't be speaking for Beca, but I'm pretty sure, no I'm sure she'd be okay with it..."

"Uh I'm not sure... "

"I insist!"

"Marie, I don't think it'd be appropriate... She's my coach, you see, and we have to be cautious about what people will think about our non-professional relationship... Well, Beca's always been concerned, and I didn't quite understand it's relevance... until now."

"There's a time and place for everything. I don't think there's anything wrong if you can separate the professional relationship and the personal relationship when needed be. You can keep your friendship separate from the work. But from what I see you two work good together equally well whether it be as two friends or as Mentor and Mentee." exactly that's what you used to believe.

"People are saying that Beca's only keeping me in the competition because we've become close." you say softly,

"Nonsense! You're in there because you're the best of the best. Beca would never do that, she's been playing this game a long time, and she's one of the few who still plays fair...

You hear a slight buzzing noise,

"Wait uh that's Beca's calling though the intercom." Marie talks into the phone for a few seconds till she smiles.

"See, Beca agrees. She's up, and she wants to see you."

"Go on ahead dear, I'll clean up... Take the stairs, second door on your left. It's the one with earphones sticker on it..."

You mill about for a second, watching Marie move about the kitchen.

"Don't be afraid dear, Beca's waiting for you..."

You follow her instructions, climbing up the stairs several at a time, you find Beca's door...you're wondering what she remembers. You cringe at the memory.

You knock softly.

"Chloe?" her voice sound scratchy,

"Yeah it's me..." you whisper, not knowing why, the moment seems to call for it.

"Come in..." she says, you open the door and step in,

"Okay... I'm in..."

"Come close and sit." Beca says sitting up, from her queen-sized bed all the way in the end, you can see her because of the 'Marie' Aristocats nightlight that's plugged in.

"I'm coming close and sitting." you say, moving nervously.

"Stop narrating the actions and just do them and get over here..." she says patting at the bed.

You allow yourself to finally go to her, you notice her dress is on one of the chairs, so it's off... you're wondering what she's got on (if she's got anything on), you can't see too well 'cos she's half covered by her comforter.

She pulls it up only to reveal t-shit and shorts, okay she was inviting you to get into the Bes and under the sheets with her. Ooh la la, ooh this was nice not too firm, not too soft...just right.

"What's up?" you say haltingly, the first thing you think of to say, playing for time, you roll your eyes at yourself. From non-stop chatterbox to this. You're fiddling with the comforter twisting it about, smiling awkwardly.

Beca just smiles wanly back, you almost chuckle at how weird the two of you were being and how long the silence seems to stretch on, and before you know it you both open your mouths and everything just starts spewing out.

"Sorry about my behaviour..."Beca hurriedly says,

"Sorry about mine..." you reply and you can't wait any longer you just go straight to the point..."So...Do you remember...?"

"The twenty first night of September..." she quips.

You both smile at that, though the nerves are jumping about again, "Yeah I remember everything..." she answers, settling burrowing deeper under the sheets

You await nervously, what will she do? Has everything changed? If so, was it for the better, or for the worse? What will she do now? Will she hate you, or will she admit her own feelings?

"Are we okay?" you prod gently after several seconds pass. She slowly peeks out from under the blankets, You take it as a good sign that her smile is still intact.

"Of course we're okay, don't worry about us. We're a sure thing." she says genially.

You're not sure if her words comfort you. It doesn't really give you anything.

"So what's wrong? Is it Jesse?" and immediately her face drops, of course it was Jesse, what did he do to her now. Seriously the guy stood her up, he doesn't deserve her.

"Jesse's out... He says he wants to call everything off...He's here in L.A but he's leaving again at the end of the week, he said he didn't want to see me during his stay." she recites, emotionless.

What? You feel yourself get livened up pretty quickly at that...

"Why?" you ask, your curiosity getting the best of you, feeling genuinely concerned.

"He keeps saying we should just maybe call it off, cos, you know, apparently I'm a selfish bitch, who never makes an effort. I never make...oh yeah past tense made enough time for him." her face remains the same but her hard voice has a tremor towards the end.

"You're doing the best you can..." you say feeling defensive for her sake.

"Yeah," she says agreeing, her eyes drifting closed. You sigh. Finally, she's resting peacefully...

"No...But he's sort of right. I haven't really been that good of a girl...I've been a little wee bit distracted lately." she continues,

"That's not your fault."

"Yeah it's your fault," she says, before laughing inanely. Okay...

"Sorry?"

"No. I am sorry...I know that thy all want something, but once again I can't be the one to give it." Beca says, vaguely. making absolutely no more sense than before.

"I'm not enough and I guess I never will be..." There she was again with the self-pity, when had Beca Mitchell ever not been enough...and who was she addressing the statement to?,

"I don't understand..." you say, helplessly hoping for an explanation. She closes her eyes again, looking as though she was in pain like she might cry...

"Can we just be, you and me ...like this right now...Chloe I'm just so exhausted. Let's just go to bed." she says resting her head on her pillow.

"Okay, where do I sleep...where's the guest room?" you ask, reluctantly leaving the comfy bed, as you get to your feet.

"What's wrong with this bed?" Beca inquires, looking up at you, and seriously you must be dreaming Beca did not just ask you to sleep with her...in the same bed.

"Nothing...?"

"So get in here." she orders you,"Wait there's a clean shirt that you can use it's in that drawer in the bathroom over there. You can get cleaned up like the basics you can worry about an actual shower tomorrow morning." You quickly change into it, wash your face and gargle thrice with her mouthwash.

"Okay...I'm done "

You comply wasting no more time in settling in. There's enough space for three people but the two of you are at the middle of the bed. You think your bodies remember, automatically gravitating towards each other, that it craves for the comfort of that familiar contact.

You feel your bare legs touching hers, your sides pressed lightly to the others,

"The comforter is too thin. I'm feeling cold," Beca says, noncommittally.

You smile at her, shaking your head knowing she would never upfront ask for you to snuggle her so, you just give her what she wants.

"Night, Chloe," she sighs happily.

"Night Becky!"

"Arg, that stupid pet name."

"I think it's cute..."

"Yeah only Marie can get away with using it, so don't you dare tell anyone else?"

"I keep your secrets right..."

"Yeah...you're my secret girl."


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the best I could do. I'm really trying to make this as good as perfect as it can be...and for everyone who's feeling impatient at how looong this story seems to be, and the glacial pace everything is moving in-I'm sorry but I don't see it ending anytime soon as I can see this story going on for several more chapters...like ten more or so...cos I'm just getting down to everything...breaking the surface and what not so just take it all in.
> 
> Can't wait for all your reactions, you know what to do...yeah i know...stop your yapping, get on with it.

Chapter 18

You open your eyes and all you see white. You freak out, seized with a sudden panic, but then you realize...oh wait...you forgot you're still under the sheets. Thank God you thought you'd suddenly gone blind or something.

Seriously you've got to get a handle on the whole paranoia thing.

You relax before you notice these aren't your sheets, you're left to wonder where you are until everything comes rushing back to you.

Everything plays back like some movie montage of all the events, Barbara humiliating you. Beca's seeing you naked (You're not sure if that was a better or worse kind of humiliation). Clubbing with The Voice Top 16. So you conclude that that was a pretty wild night...with all those drunken confessions, drunken dancing and all other forms of pure drunken fun. It ended nicely too... well not for Beca and Jesse, but yeah you could safely say that they were totally over...commencing with the Victory dance.

So with the primary obstacle out of the way, all you needed to do now was to focus on the two of you. Things were still somewhat hazy, but you had taken a big leap yesterday. It feels like actual progress, she finally knows and she's okay with it and Jesse was gone... and if all of that didn't mean everything would be fine and your happily ever after would soon be at hand and play out soon enough, then you don't know what else you had to do, what else you had to endure for the fates to deem the two of you meant to be.

Who where you kidding though, you wouldn't stop fighting for her  _even if_  something new came up.

You think back to how the night ended, and with a happy little sigh you settle back into the cocoon of Beca's bedsheets feeling... lighter, feeling protected from everything else out there. You've never slept more soundly, but it wasn't the soft comforter or the downy pillows that made it so, it was that you had spent the whole night in Beca's bed wrapped up in each other. (which seemed to get even better the second time around, this time the both of you were stripped down. ) Sure, you were still wearing much more than you would like but you're not really complaining...much...that would all come in good time-sooner or later but yeah, hopefully sooner.

You stretch lazily, extending your limbs fully, and you're surprised when nothing's there to counter your movement.

Wait a minute. You run your hands on Beca's side of the bed and it feels cool. You quickly throw down the sheets taking in her room now bathed in light, you see all of her things, but no Beca. You know she's not there, the room just feels bare without her. You figure Beca must've been gone for a while.

You chance a glance at your phone. Oh man, you overslept...Ah...you must be getting ready! You had to be back in the studio bright and early, despite what had happened the other night. It was crunch time. Mere days to go till Live Rounds. There were some group performances, practices you had to complete.

You know it wasn't her responsibility but why didn't Beca wake you. Okay you could do this, quick shower, even quicker changing into clothes, make up, quick breakfast...

You head to the bathroom first, and in your haste you almost miss the note that someone-Beca of course, left behind stuck to the mirror.

_Chloe, I didn't want to wake you. Head down for some breakfast with Marie and feel free to use the shower (I'm sure you need it!) and you can go through my closet. If you see something you like, you can borrow it. Whoa I really am getting the hang of this...sleepovers, and borrowing clothes. Also I probably should have mentioned this first but the coaches have decided you guys can sleep, and come in at 3 pm instead. Unfortunately I'm not exempted, so lucky you..._ _Anywho, see you at the Studios._

_Beca_

* * *

You take the shower first, being able to enjoy it thoroughly now that you weren't rushing, then head down for breakfast.

"Morning Chloe." Marie says brightly in greeting,

"Morning Marie." you reply hovering by the doorway before Marie notices and proceeds to sit you down on one of the seats in the breakfast nook, all mother-like with her fussing.

She silently gestures between the coffee pot and the carton of juice, you point at the juice which she goes on to pour into a glass for 're surprised you don't feel hung over at all. You think it's from all that water Beca forced you to drink.

"So what would you like...we have pancakes, french toast, toast, different kinds of pastries. You want sausages, eggs-how would you like 'em, bacon, cereal, oatmeal?" she offers, seemingly listing of every breakfast treat imaginable. All this for you?

"I'm fine with toast, eggs-sunny side up and bacon..." you quickly reply, feeling ravenous, as you had another big day ahead of you. You notice Marie's looking at you, still waiting for you to say something, hand on her hip. Oh... "I mean...please... you know... I can help, or just cook myself. I do know how to cook the basics."

She merely shakes her head, "Nonsense, you're the guest here." her smile restored, chuckling to herself a bit. She cheerfully starts preparations, and for a while she is immersed in cooking, before she starts up the conversation again.

"How'd you sleep, assuming that you were able to get any? I'm sure you had other delightful activities to preoccupy yourselves with, sharing the same bed and all."

You choke back on your juice.

"Sorry?" you say after recovering from your coughing fit, was it you or was she implying something...

"Talking dear, I'm sure you had a lot to talk about..." Marie smiles, and it seems innocent enough, C'mon this lady was like Beca's mother no way would Beca tell her about you and her in that position, assuming she'd said something of that nature to her housekeeper.

"Yeah we talked...alright"

"That's good... So you cleared whatever it was between the two of you up? You finally got all of those barriers out of the way..." Okay, that's scary Marie can read through you, seeing your wanting to get naked with Beca intentions.

"Um...yeah we're getting there."

"That's good...I really like the two of you together-you're good for her Chloe." You smile abashedly, happy to be getting her approval. You don't quite know what to say,

"Thanks? I mean...thanks!"

Marie pats your hand "I hope you won't be going anywhere anytime soon..."

"Well I don't have to be at the studios till three, but I was thinking of leaving earlier so I'd be out of your hair..." you explain,

"No of course you're staying here, we'll just have to find something interesting to do to keep you preoccupied," Marie says seemingly already decided, "but that's not what I meant...I meant that I hope you wouldn't be disappearing from Beca's life anytime soon."

And there's something about the way she says it, how she looks saying it, that makes you turn serious.

"I'll be sticking around," you say, meeting her eyes dead on.

"She's gone through a lot...she's not the easiest person to get to know...she's always been so closed up to meeting new...people."

"I know... I'll be here even when she doesn't want me to be, even when she gets sick of me."

"Good," she says and you nod, you feel like you're cementing some sort of formal, unspoken agreement, it's pretty weird and intense but then Marie breaks out that motherly smile again, "Aha... I know what we can do, I can show you some of Beca's baby pics and some home videos I took...how' does that sound?"

"Sounds good..."

* * *

You arrive at the stage right on time to find all the Top 16 contestants -some looking mighty hung-over- strewn about every which way.  
Team Usher's Luke, Bumper, Donald, and Unicycle are quiet for once, wearing sunglasses, sitting back on the chairs.  
Team Adam, you suppose are warming up in one of the rooms.  
Team Blake are on the stage. Fat Amy is less energetic than usual-she keeps slumping back down lying on the stage, claiming to be working on her floor work.

You search for your team mates to find Stacie resting on Cynthia Rose's lap, and finally you find who you were looking for Miss Beca Mitchell, who waltzes in all business.

"Up Up! I drank more than all of you put together and I'm still fully functioning. I want to see Team Mitchell run some cardio... No all of you should, I'm not joking here. Three, two, one, *pfft" she whistles and all of you wince slightly.

Everyone starts slowly, lifelessly moving around the stage area with numerous groans and protests. Another whistle goes off, "Cardio involves actual movement to get your hearts racing. Come on, jog, brisk walk, but don't just stay there. Let's go, go, go!"

You keep watch, and keep your earns trained on them even as you jog around the rehearsal space.

Everyone takes off at the second whistle, except Bumper, who instead seem to settle into his seat more comfortably while Luke and Donald stand around aimlessly. Beca picks them out soon enough,

"Allan, Luke, Donald why aren't you moving?" she asks, authoritatively yet nicely enough.

"No offense Beca," he says, looking very much like he means the exact opposite, "but I think you need to be focusing on your own group and lay off us, we don't need cardio. Usher's got us handled, we're all in tip top shape already."

"Your asses have been glued to the chair all this time...I think Usher will agree with me when I say that you still need to start warming up before he gets here...a little maintenance is useful even if you are in tip top shape already."

"I don't think he'll like it that you're speaking for him about his team..." He says snidely, seriously what was he doing provoking Beca like that, thinking back Bumper only ever was confident enough to act like the ass he was in front of Beca. He wasn't like that around the male coaches, The Sexist A-hole."We feel like we need to hear the actual instruction coming from our own coach, if you please." He says speaking for all of them, the rest of the boys don't look to happy about it, shifting restlessly but remaining silent.

"What my word isn't good enough for you?"

He merely smirks before shaking his head, before crossing his arms looking confident that he would get his way.

"Okay, one moment," Beca says, no longer smiling. She quickly dials something, and the one on the other end picks up after a single ring.

She speaks a few words on the phone listen to the reply, before she puts it on speaker. It is unmistakably Usher's voice. "Bumper, don't make any trouble. If your too good for a little sweating, then maybe you're not cut out for this competition after all. You still have a long way to go, and seriously, you don't want to follow the free advice of a five time grammy award winner? Each one of you will do as Coach Beca says, I don't wanna hear nothin' about you fools complaining about it anymore. Making me look bad, like I'm coaching a bunch of sissies."

"You were saying?" Beca says, her smile returning.

Bumpers face turns sour, but he does as he is told, muttering the whole way.

At the end of cardio, you spot Beca in the middle of the stage and once again she's fiddling with the cup. You've seen her do this a million times, mostly when she was bored. She'd even tried to teach you once the cup game, but you never really got the hang of it.

"So have you decided what you'll be doing for the opening number of the live playoffs?"

"Maybe, maybe not..." she says vaguely, smiling before she continues playing with the cup.

* * *

Fast forward and it was the day of the Live rounds and there she was once again.  _The_  Beca Mitchell sitting cross-legged onstage, a single spotlight on her with a cup in her hand, carrying all the weight the pressure of being the opening act to the whole first live show.

And you're exchanging glances with your fellow artists wondering 'what the hell does she think she was doing.'

She starts the now familiar clapping, hitting the cup then passing it from one hand to another, moving it smoothly, deftly and never missing a beat and then she starts singing.

_I got my ticket for the long way round_   
_Two bottles of whiskey for the way_   
_And I sure would like some sweet company And I'm leaving tomorrow, what you say_

It has the whole studio mesmerized, just her and that cup and her voice echoing around as she sings this lulu and the lampshade song.

_When I'm gone...When I'm gone... You're gonna miss me when I'm gone_

_You're gonna miss me by my hair_

_You're gonna miss me everywhere Oh, you're gonna miss me when I'm gone_

You've always thought of her as a musical genius, and it was proven seeing her do this. Taking a little game and incorporating it into her singing, her performance.

_When I'm gone... When I'm gone... You're gonna miss me when I'm gone You're gonna miss me by my walk...Ohh You're gonna miss me by my talk Oh, you're gonna miss me when I'm gone_

_I got my ticket for the long way round_

_The one with the prettiest of views It's got mountains, it's got rivers Its got sights to give you shivers But it sure would be prettier with you_   
_When I'm gone… When I'm gone…_

_You're gonna miss me when I'm gone_

_You're gonna miss me by my walk You're gonna miss me by my talk Oh, you're gonna miss me when I'm gone_   
_When I'm gone…_

_When I'm gone…_

_You're gonna miss me when I'm gone_

_You're gonna miss me by my hair You're gonna miss me everywhere Oh, you're sure gonna miss me when I'm gone_

_When I'm gone… When I'm gone… You're gonna miss me when I'm gone You're gonna miss me by my walk You're gonna miss me by my talk Oh, you're gonna miss me when I'm gone_

There's a standing ovation, a shattering of applause, the energy spiking up in the room after she puts the cup down and stands up to bow.

Carson has to be snapped out of his reverie, having missed his cue. He clambers up the stairs rather quickly.

"That was our coach, Beca Mitchell. What an amazing opening number for show," Carson says, gesturing toward Beca, which starts up renewed applause from the audience. Beca nods in thanks, making mock bows, before she quickly runs to take her seat.

Carson smiles, sending a salute, a slow clap for her sake before he resumes his spiel.

"We are coming to you live for the first time on The Voice. We are certainly starting big in this weeks Live playoffs. We have the two-day performances with Team Adam and Team Blake performing tonight, and Team Beca and Team Usher tomorrow. Stay tuned, you can bet we have several more spectacular numbers coming up all vying for your votes, which will be revealed in the special results show on Thursday, deciding who will make it to next weeks top 12..."

There's a pause in the studio, when they yell Standby they're playing the OBB. "This is the this is the Voice." reverberates throughout the studio.

"First up, we have Blake Sheldon's Fat Amy with Turn the Beat Around." You cheer loudly with your friend from the wings. Fat Amy gets ready, much like a boxer walking out to her fight, with accompanying jumps and fancy footwork, cricking her neck.

"Let's do this."  
"Let's go fanfave," as you had dubbed her. "Show us how it's done."  
"Just watch me work it aca-bitches!" She calls out (she had dutifully stuck to using aca in front of everything).

You make more noise when she gets up on stage and there she goes...

She starts of slow, her voice almost operatic.

_Turn the beat around_   
_Love to hear percussion_   
_Turn it upside down_   
_Love to hear percussion_   
_Love to hear it_

And then the beat kicks in and so does she, into Fat Amy energy mode that is, and there she was once again working, owning that stage.

_Blow horns you sure sound pretty_   
_Your violins keep movin' to the nitty gritty_   
_When you hear the scratch of the guitars scratchin'_   
_Then you'll know that rhythm carries all the action, so_   
_Woah yeah_

_Turn the beat around_   
_Love to hear percussion_   
_Turn it upside down_   
_Love to hear percussion_   
_Love to hear it_

_Turn the beat around_   
_Love to hear percussion_   
_Turn it upside down_   
_Love to hear percussion_   
_Love to hear it_

_Flute player play your flute 'cause_   
_I know that you want to get your thing off_   
_But you see I've made up my mind about it_   
_It's got to be the rhythm, no doubt about it, woah woah_   
_'Cause when the guitar player starts playing_   
_With the syncopated rhythm, with the scratch, scratch, scratch_   
_Makes me wanna move my body yeah, yeah, yeah_   
_And when the drummer starts beating that beat_   
_He nails that beat with the syncopated rhythm_   
_With the rat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat on the drums, hey_

She had these amazing dance moves, and the professional dancers surrounding her were all rendered inconsequential, trumping their technique with how vivacious she was in executing them.

_Turn the beat around_   
_Love to hear percussion_   
_Turn it upside down_   
_Love to hear percussion_   
_Love to hear it_   
_Love to hear it_   
_Love to hear it_   
_Love to hear it_

_Turn it up, turn it up, turn it upside down_   
_Turn it up, turn it up, turn it upside down_   
_Turn it up, turn it up, turn it upside down_   
_Turn it up, turn it up, turn it upside down_

She shakes and shimmies, backing up, before she takes of her denim vest and twirls it around her head.

_Turn the beat around_   
_Love to hear percussion_   
_Turn it upside down_   
_Love to hear percussion_   
_Love to hear it_

She throws it, and the audience hollers, some guys fight over it.

__Love to hear percussion__ ending on a high note, both literally and figuratively. _ _  
__

The crowds cheers are deafening, You look at Cynthia Rose and Stacie then just start laughing before clapping and cheering on your friend equally loudly.

* * *

In between takes, the coaches make-up gets retouched. During a particularly long commercial break, Beca gets up to stretch her legs. The rest of the coaches are drinking their drinks and eating snacks, whilst chatting on the chairs.

She, however, comes to sit by you girls.

"That was some performance, Amy. You'll definitely be getting through to next week. I'd say Good Luck but you don't need it, with your numerous fans getting behind you." she says, and you know it's genuine, no hint of sarcasm there, even if Fat Amy was one of your team's biggest competitors, Beca never held back from giving support, handing out compliments and tips to the artists of the other teams.

"Well I couldn't very well slack off, knowing that I had to follow your amazing cup performance."

"You totally upstaged me, trust me, tomorrow they'll be saying wait Beca who, she did what again?"

"Yeah right...you sang with nothing behind you but a cup, An aca-freaking CUP! I had to strip to get people to cheer loudly." and you all laugh at how Fat Amy seems to not be able to get over it, still a bit mindblown over the feat ..."plus I always thought that game was so freaking hard, and then you have to add singing in. I know I'm aca-amazing and all, but I just can't multitask...Well, in that way anyway."She looks torn, not sure whether to be more impressed or jealously outraged at the simple yet, staggering performance Beca had done which only serves to cause more laughter from the three of you. You stop midlaugh, catching Beca suddenly frowning, a look of surprise and confusion taking over.

"What?" You quickly look behind you to locate the source-the cause of said surprised face, you don't see anyone or anything. The girls follow suit,

"I don't see anything..." Fat Amy murmurs, as Beca's gaze still remains fixated on something- you still don't know what.

"Are you going all sixth sense on us...because if you are that's totally freaky..." Stacie says,

"It's cool actually" Cynthia Rose argues,

" Wait...What-I mean who do you see...some famous celebrity? Omygod can you see Nelson Mandela? Tell him I love him, and he'll always be my personal hero." Fat Amy says getting excited,

"Can you tell Cory Monteith, I loved him...I used to be die-hard Gleek...I always planned to get on the show just so I could meet him. Meet him as the meat for my hunter." Stacie says,

"Why would Cory be here? He died in Canada..."

"And Nelson Mandela's here because he's a big fan of The Voice or something?"

"Guys...stop being ridiculous, " You chide them, cutting across the pointlessly silly, somewhat disturbing and disrespectful argument, you look pointedly at Beca

"What's up B?" Cynthia Rose then asks sheepishly, Beca only then seems to tune back into your conversation at that point,

"Huh?"

"Is there anything wrong?" you ask gently,

"I thought I saw...J-" she shakes her head, "Never mind."

"Miss Mitchell, be ready We'll be going on in a few minutes..." one of the production assistants remind her,

Beca doesn't respond. She looks distracted for a second there. "Okay, excuse me gotta work. Bye girls." She doesn't go towards the stage just yet, but instead wonders off.

"What's wrong with her then?" Cynthia Rose asks,

You shrug. You honestly have no Idea.

* * *

_We have the girls of the Voice to perform a Kelly Clarkson Medley_. You girls gather on the stage, Kori joins in last minute just as the floor director, finishes the countdown before going on air.

Kori sings.

_Here's the thing_   
_We started out friends_   
_It was cool but it was all pretend_   
_Yeah, yeah, since you've been gone_

Stacie sings.

_Guess this means you're sorry_   
_You're standing at my door_   
_Guess this means you take back_   
_All you said before_

Then Fat Amy...

_You're dedicated_  
 _You took the time_  
 _Wasn't long till I called you mine_  
 _Yeah, yeah, since you've been gon_ e

Then Cynthia Rose.

_ Like how much you wanted _   
_ Anyone but me _   
_ Said you'd never come back _   
_ But here you are again _   


Finally, your turn

_And all you'd ever hear me say_   
_Is how I picture me with you_   
_That's all you ever hear me say_

Cynthia Rose again:

_You think you got the best of me_   
_Think you had the last laugh_   
_Bet you think that everything good is gone_

Kori:

_Think you left me broken down_

_Think that I'd come running back_

_Baby you don't know me, cause you're dead wrong_

Stacie and Fat Amy sing together,

_But since you've been gone/ What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Stand a little taller_

_I can breathe for the first time/ Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone_

Then you and Kori sing.

_What doesn't kill you makes a fighter, Footsteps even lighter_

_I'm so moving on, yeah yeah, thanks to you Now I get what I want..._

Cynthia comes in with Fat Amy 

_Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone_ _/Since you've been gone_

Stacie, Kori and you take over,

_What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger_

_Just me, myself and I_   
_What doesn't kill you makes you stronger_   
_Stand a little taller_   
_Doesn't mean I'm lonely 'coz I'm alone_

Cynthia and Kori blend seamlessly

_Being with you_   
_Is so dysfunctional_   
_I really shouldn't miss you_   
_But I can't let you go..._

The rest of you girls come together seamlessly joining the two songs as though they had been made that way, kudos to Beca's mad mixing skills.

_'Cause we belong together now yeah/ You had your chance, you blew it /Thanks to you I got a new thing started_

_Forever united here somehow yeah/ Out of sight, out of mind/ Thanks to you I'm not a broken hearted_

_You got a piece of me/ Thanks to you I'm finally thinking bout me_

_And honestly/Shut your mouth, I just can't take it /You know in the end the day you left was just my beginning_

_My life (my life)/ Again and again and again and againIn the end/ would suck (would suck)without you_

_Since you've been gone_

_What doesn't kill you make you stronger stronger,_

_Since you've been gone_

_Just Me myself and I_

__Since you've been gone_ _

* * *

You're left wondering how it all works, Beca and Jesse had broken it off. Did they announce it straight away, call up some people, or did they go about normally until someone happened to ask them if they were still getting married and the other would avoid the question.

You had been waiting for the good news to break and instead, another revelation exploded within the twitter sphere. One that was still ongoing up until this very moment and yet you recall the seconds before, when you were still blissful, happily unaware.

All of you were standing there, discussing the success of the first live show episode after you've finished it, when suddenly there's this commotion. Benji is running up to Beca, asking her to follow him immediately. Beca looks as confused as the rest of you, but there's an official business kind of urgency to his tone and there's Nancy (you'd recognized her anywhere brunette, tall, lean and serious looking with a nasally way of speaking) the main person in charge of publicity and PR of The Voice program, standing close by, waiting for her in the wings. What was she doing there? She only stepped in when things were really serious. They excuse themselves and move offstage.

The four of you huddle together,

"Well that's got my curiosity piqued." Cynthia Rose murmurs,

"What do you think it is, ooh maybe some scandal broke..."

"It's Nancy, it must be pretty big...say you want to- I don't know-happen to chance passing by, be situated close enough to catch the gist of their important conversation?" Fat Amy suggests, wriggling her eyebrows, conspiratorially. Stacie and Cynthia Rose are totally in favor of it, you however aren't too fond of the idea.

"You really want to get caught eavesdropping?" you ask,

"No, you think I'm crazy? We won't have to be _that_ close, I have wicked lip-reading skills"

You shrug, giving in (you were gonna give in sooner or later, you didn't need much prodding) willing to try out Fat Amy claims and the four of you stealthily creep after Beca. You spot Beca and Nancy conversing in one of the corners...You were a good twenty feet away, you're all standing around trying to look nonchalant awaiting what information Fat Amy could get.

"So what is she saying?" you whisper, afraid that the sound would travel. Fat Amy holds a hand up, silencing you.

"I need to concentrate.." Fat Amy says, "Okay...Twister...Chlorine...Barbie... Votes boat."

Your eyebrows come together not understanding anything, lip-reader my ass...

You open your mouth to ask her to stop joking around, but Amy speaks first "I think they're talking about you Chloe..." she says turning to you, and you feel a shiver of foreboding pass through you at how serous she looks but then she frowns, "Wait I'm pretty sure she said Stacie...no wait that was me...hey and there you go Cynthia Rose as well...seems like were all part of whatever it is. "

"And how'd you figure that one out?" Stacie scoffs, disbelief evident. You want to laugh as well, pass it of as a normal funny Fat Amy thing but you can't quite get rid of that nasty feeling sitting on your chest, settling in your gut.

"I read it out. Okay wait there it goes again...Ah Chlorine, was actually Chloe...and something about twitter I think...wait..."

"Okay that's enough of your supposed lip reading skills..." Stacie says jokingly, cutting across her.

"Never mind, let's just go back to watching." you say, trying to distract yourself from feeling out-of-sorts.

And watch you do,For each second that Beca stands there conversing with Nancy, the deeper her frown gets. Whatever it was about, it looked pretty dire.

You've been casually standing by for not too long when she catches you, she glances at all of you watching and it's no use pretending you were doing anything different (Fat Amy whistles obviously), Stacie throws herself at Cynthia Rose, but you don't do anything.

You look at her and Beca just holds your gaze, her eyes angry, displeasure evident, you would've been nervous if they weren't also carrying a hint of worry (you wonder why though). Still, she's giving away nothing as to what was the big blow up and who was concerned in it. She turns her back slightly, continuing her conversation where no one could read her lips.

You all visibly tense as soon as she finishes their rather intense conversation. She makes her way to your group, and you're not sure why any of you aren't moving-that you hadn't moved at all. Perhaps, everyone was feeling like you are; frozen in place with fear, shame, ready to be reprimanded.

You needn't have been worried, while Beca does deliver a scolding, she's not excessively mad when she says, "Girls, I don't appreciate you eavesdropping on my private conversations." She speaks softly and seriously. She's different somehow- you feel missing is her usual mirth- gone is the usual camaraderie when addressing you girls, she's formal and detached. "But...I guess, it doesn't really matter that much as what we were discussing does concern one of you, "

You notice Nancy making her way over as well, For a second she simply stares at each one of you, before her eyes zero in on you. And you know in that one look, that Fat Amy was right even before Beca speaks, "Chloe, um we have something we have discuss concerning you..."

"What's wrong?" you finally ask, hearing a little tremor in your voice after swallowing back the lump or whatever it was that had started to form in your throat.

"It's nothing we can't fix, we're currently trying to get a handle on it..." Nancy says smoothly,

"On what?" you ask, confused. You weren't aware-as far as you know- that you had any real incriminating, or buzzworthy secrets in your skeleton closet. No sex-tapes, or any tapes (not counting the one Aubrey kept to use as blackmail against you) that would put you in such a negative, unideal position.

"More like on who? Our good friend Barb Thomas has taken to tweeting about the knockout rounds, trying to start some intrigue... spreading some nasty rumors of the happenings behind the scenes."

To Be Continued...

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know crappy way to end ( sorry if this feels less polished, I'm sure I'll be able to fix what needs fixing sometime when I'm reading back) but it was way too long I felt like the whole thing was getting overcrowded, I promise the continuation will be up in 1-2 days give or take...


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Barb's all set to wreck havoc. Will it make or break team Bechloe?

Previously on Never know what she means to me, i fell for the girl that's on tv:

_"Chloe, um we have something we have discuss concerning you..."_

_"What's wrong?"_

_"It's nothing we can't fix, we're currently trying to get a handle on it..."_

_"On what?"_

_"More like on who? Our good friend Barb Thomas has taken to tweeting about the knockout rounds, trying to start some intrigue."_

* * *

Beca asks that the girls give you space, they comply but are reluctant, worried for your sake. Once you're somewhere more private they start filling you in on the numerous retweets, tracing back to Barbs first tweet.

**Didn't make it to #Liveplayoffs #TheVoice @NBCTheVoice guess I didn't have the unfair advantage of being the coach's favorite.**

**Why is it that the undeserving get to stay? Special treatment, They edit out more than you know.@NBCTheVoice**

**What's that saying third times the charm? Not if your coach is charmed by one particular contestant.@NBCTheVoice**

You are appalled, but you were informed that it wasn't even the tip of the iceberg,

"So um what's going to happen? Can you have her twitter page closed or something...or report her?" you ask, addressing both Beca and Nancy but Beca doesn't speak, merely shakes her head. Nancy takes it upon herself to answer.

"Unfortunately we can't, she has every right to react through whichever means she deems fit, but we're trying to get to her, maybe to retract her statements before it reaches the news before it gets messy and we have a potential libel case at out hands. If worse comes to worse "

"You'll sue for defamation?" you ask surprised. "Will it really get that far? I mean it's twitter, we all tweet random things everyday. And I'm sure it's not the first time a rejected candidate in a reality television show has taken to twitter to vent." You look to Beca to agree with you but she's still looking troubled, and really worried. Okay you actually thought it'd be worse, the tweets were only hinting at some things, but there weren't any names.

"Well the thing is, Barb had quite a following. I'm just...readying you for this Chloe. This could have a dire impact on your standing, on both of you actually." Nancy says, looking sympathetic.

Beca finally looks up at you, and you see how tense she is, how angry...wait, they said there were more tweets, that it was just the tip of the iceberg.

"Let me see the rest of the tweets..." you ask, and they protest immediately.

"You don't need to worry about those..."

"Trust me Chlo it's really bad..."

You pay their warning no heed, and the second you read them over, you wished you'd listened to them.

**Thought the show was called 'the voice' not 'the looks' I guess that's your real advantage, also opening your legs for everyone also helps**

**Did you think we couldn't see how you two looked at each other?**

**People have no decency these days If you're going to cheat on someone at least do it in secret.**

**Extra overnight practice sessions must do wonders. Getting wrapped in the sheets-of music, that is.**

**Coaches and artists hooking up, if that's what's required to stay the competition, then I'm glad I'm out of it.**

They didn't mention your name...not once, but you know that everyone will know it's about you.

You were appalled earlier, now you feel sick, you'd almost forgotten about her screaming those accusations at you(you'd been so busy trying to forget) and you feel it coming back. You feel dirty all over and you _hate_ it, how she made you out to be...All at once Beca beckons the girls over to comfort you, and everyone's there asking if you needed to sit down, if you wanted to go home but you shake your head trying to get a handle on your emotions, breathing deeply through your nose.

"Chloe, hey remember what I told you, hold strong. Everything will be okay." Beca says before she excuses herself, "I'll meet you for practice later?" she asks gently her face, softened somewhat.

You merely nod then look away, burrowing deeper into Stacie's arms as she hugs you, to stop yourself from calling out for Beca to stay. Beca accepts it and leaves to go but she hesitates at the door for a second, sending a last concerned look your way.

You smile weakly, and she returns it before she disappears through the door.

* * *

It turns out they weren't fast enough.

"You might wanna check the news."

You find the nearest television set and every entertainment section, of each channel you check has it-her tweets about you.

"Barbara Thomas, one of the contestants on the voice, speaks out. The Voice results wigged 'Beca Mitchell playing favourites.'"

"Accusations have been made of one of The Voice contestants, Chloe Beale and of The Voice newbie Coache Beca Mitchell, "

"The tweets have been taken down, but Barbara Thomas' tweets are still circulating the net."

"Is this just spite, or is their some truth behind it? Barbara Thomas's knockout rounds tweets that surfaced mere days after her outing from the show has come to light."

"Beca Mitchell's camp hasn't given any comments about it, except for Beca's tweet made in typical Beca fashion and I quote "'When did losing with grace become overrated and dragging people down become acceptable? " I imagine the NBC representatives are scrambling to keep everything hush hush."

* * *

Nancy had instructed you to give no comments, to keep mum about it as reacting would only make it worse. You felt that you were stuck either way, if you were to comment and deny the charges of defend yourself; they'd perceive you as being defensive, if you didn't; they'd think you were guilty. What a predicament to be in, you loose either way.

Everyone seems to be walking on eggshells around of you, trying to comfort you and you both appreciate and hate it all at once.

"We're fixing this."  
"Don't worry, this will blow over."  
"Just take it easy okay..."

You've just made up your mind to focus on your performance tomorrow.

"Yeah, of course not...I'm great. I'm okay. I'm fine." You guess you sounded pretty convincing, cos that was a downright lie, but you can't dwell there was no time to feel sorry for yourself. You had to remain strong. No more crying for you. Why waste your energy on something you couldn't do anything about.

If you should be worried it would be that this could cause a strain on yours and Beca's friendship. Nancy had also instructed that it was best that you and Beca not be seen alone together outside of the competition, avoid any situations were the two of you had to be alone unless necessary.

And you had to comply, you didn't want to give a reason for anyone to doubt you even further and add fuel to the fire. You really had to prove yourself. You had to be even better as to show everyone that you deserved to be there, that you had it.

You made up your mind, more determined than ever. You would be the best, you owed Beca that. Her credibility was on line here.  
You were no longer in it just for the fun of it. You had to win this for her.

With the remaining hours, you practice over and over.

You were becoming almost obsessive about it, almost to the point that you were becoming careless.

"Chloe, stop!" Hey, you hear me you have to stop, let yourself rest." Beca chastises you.

"No, just one more time. I need to get it right, live shows are tomorrow."

"Do you want your voice to be over-exhausted? I'm telling you, _ordering_ you go to go home. Go rest your voice, and drink lots of water... and try some lemon and honey with it."

"Yes Mom..." you say, and she rolls her eyes but still she smiles-her real smile, with her eyes twinkling and all, which makes everything feel a little better.

* * *

The morning of the second performance day you're feeling off, you're straining now to reach the high notes. It sounds wrong coming out scratchy and not at all angelic, sounding like nails dragging across the chalkboard, like some teenager boy with his voice breaking at the most inopportune moments.

It sucks, because you were warned that this would happen, and yet you pushed on.

You try all your usual remedies, a warm steamy bath, drinking lots of Lipton tea before and during the warm-up, which you do for at least twenty minutes but you do it gently, reserving the power for the actual performance.

The whole day feels off actually, it feels tense and hectic. You feel it in the air as soon as you arrive at the studios just before lunch.

You don't see or hear from Beca, and you don't really mind. You know she had other things to worry about. She'd been called into another meeting early this morning, where she, and a couple of important people- including the major executives, discussed how to best deal with the current Baloney situation and all the negative publicity it was pulling to the show.

The last thing she had told you before parting last night, was that she would be the one to worry for the both of you, that you were to focus only on your performance tonight. You were just relieved that she wasn't as bothered as you thought she would be, she seemed to be handling it well- better than you. You guess it wasn't the first scandal or accusation that had been thrown her way, so she was pretty much an expert at it.

 

You have a last minute discussion with the music director and the musicians. After a quick consultation, everyone decides-comes into agreement, that they would tweak some parts of the arrangement, lower it a bit, so you wouldn't have to strain to hit the high notes. After successfully trying it out, you're more than pleased with the outcome.

You're practicing the last-second changes up until they give the fifteen-minute countdown before going live. You rush to the room where all the girl contestants are-everyone else already dressed. You arrive with only a few minutes to spare, panting heavily.

You shimmy into the outfit the stylist chooses for you, Lily quickly beckons you forward to touch up your make-up...another lady's trying to salvage your mess of a hair.

They flash the On Air sign, Stacie is called to standby offstage. She gives you a quick light hug(so as to not disturb the on-going process of Lily applying your make-up) before she hurries of. One of the screens are showing what's going on onstage as Carson delivers his lines, giving a recap as to what happened just yesterday. Most of it was a blur, exccept for Beca's and Fat Amy's numbers, you barely remembered half of what the other artists from Team Blake and Team Adam had performed.

We have Luke Bolton singing Justin Timberlake's 'Drink You Away'

_Bitter sweet thing, could this be a dream_   
_Or just the same nightmare that keeps me awake_   
_Feel it in my brain, toss out of pain_   
_Pour a little up now, for the love that we made_

You got to admit he really was good-looking on TV-the cameras loved him-and he was an excellent vocalist too . You could practically hear the panties dropping all over America.

_I feel it in the morning, you're still here in the morning_   
_I see you, but you gonna telephone the doctor, I'm not okay_   
_The bottom of the bottle, to fill this empty heart up_   
_A thousand proof don't change the truth_   
_I tried it, but I can't_

_I can't drink you away_   
_I've tried Jack, I've tried Jim_   
_I've tried all of their friends_   
_I can't drink you away_   
_All these rocks, I can't swim out of this skin, oh baby them say_   
_Now tell me, baby, don't they make a medicine for heart break_   
_Ooh, no, tell me baby, oh yeah_   
_Now don't they make a medicine for heart break_

_Got a pounding on my brain, so I drowned it away_   
_When the sun comes up tomorrow_   
_You can find me doing the same_   
_'Cause I just can't forget_   
_The way we turned out this bed_   
_And now the only thing that sleeps here is a ghost of you instead_

_I feel it in the morning, you're still here in the morning_   
_I see you, but you gonna telephone the doctor, I'm not okay_   
_The bottom of the bottle, to fill this empty heart up_   
_A thousand proof don't change the truth_   
_I tried it, but I can't_

_I can't drink you away_   
_I've tried Jack, I've tried Jim_   
_I've tried all of their friends_   
_I can't drink you away_   
_All these rocks, I can't swim out of this skin, oh baby them say_   
_Now tell me, baby, don't they make a medicine for heart break_   
_Ooh, no, tell me baby, oh yeah_   
_Now don't they make a medicine for heart break_

_I can't drink you, no I can't drink you away, away_   
_I can't drink you, no I can't drink you away, away_   
_I can't drink you, no I can't drink you away, away_   
_I can't drink you, no I can't drink you away, away, away_

_Oooh, I can't drink you, I can't drink you away_

Carson turns up at the end of Like's number, "Let's head on over to our lady judge Beca Mitchell first." he says,

"You stepped it up with that performance...you had the whole crowd feeling it, I felt it...though I admit, that wasn't quite at the same level as Justin but..." some boos come from the crowd, she hold up her hands, trying to get them to settle down, "I wasn't finished..well it may not have been Justin Timberlake but it was Luke Bolton. You put your own layers to it and you successfully made it your own, so good job!"

"You're a heartthrob man, and I thought this place couldn't get any sexier...with us having former People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive here with us and all." Blake Shelton says sharing a look with Adam, which emits laughter and hoots from the audience. "In that performance you've cemented your place as one of the best male vocalists in this competition."

Adam laughs before he responds,

"First of all yes that  _was_  certified sexy...I approve..."

The camera catches Beca's face of amused disbelief, "You really didn't just say that..." You smile at seeing her through the screen once again, seems like it was decades ago when she was so far away. It's weird though, you've gotten so use to having the real flesh and blood close to you.

"I was kidding, but even If I wasn't... I do have the right to certify it as sexy, just saying. Also what I'm really glad about is that you were able to bring that swagger that JT was able to bring into the AMA stage, but put your own...British charm so yeah I'm all for this sexy smouldering vibe thing goin' on, when you were working the camera there...the eyes...some advice, just tilt your head a little lower so your peering from under your eyelashes...it drives the girls wild." Luke tries it out, and the girls shriek and cheer, "You're welcome buddy." Adam says, seriously.

"Show us your own, your best Adam Levine smoulder." Beca requests of him, and Adam complies, working the camera.

"Hey I want to try it..." Blake Shelton says, before mocking Adam looking just plain hilarious.

Beca's clapping, and laughing along with the audience. You're happy she looks so relaxed, like there was nothing bothering her.

"I did not look _that_ bad...do it seriously..." Adam says in mock outrage, Blake then gives his own sexy smoulder which makes several girls on the audience react.

"Now that was good, was that a reserved 'only for Gwen Stefani' kind of look?"

"It was my I'm hungry and I just saw food look." Blake replies,

Usher talks a great length about his boys and how they were all winners in his eyes. "Lukey Luke, you delivered and we know who started the show right tonight."

Carson then takes over, as he thanks them for their responses then segues into a lead in to a commercial break.

"Wow the overflow of sexiness, you can feel it all over the studio. Speaking of sexy, we have Stacie Austin next when we come back.

You're all ready now but you still remain in the room, you don't really feel like watching from behind the wings.

* * *

 

"We're back for our second artist of the night's performance, here's Stacie Austin with 'Do You wanna touch me'?

_We've been here too long tryin' to get along_   
_Pretending that you're, oh, so shy_   
_I'm a natural man doin' all I can_   
_My temperature is runnin' high_

_Friday night no one in sight_   
_And we got so much to share_   
_Talkin's fine if you got the time_   
_I ain't got the time to spare_

_Do you wanna touch? Yeah_   
_Do you wanna touch? Yeah_   
_Do you wanna touch me there? Yeah_

_Do you wanna touch? Yeah_   
_Do you wanna touch? Yeah Do you wanna touch me there?_   
_Where? There, yeah, oh_   
_Yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah My my my my my Yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah_

_Every growin' boy needs a little joy_   
_All you do is sit and stare Beggin' on my knees, baby won't you please Run your fingers through' my hair_   
_My my my whiskey and rye Don't it make you feel so fine?_   
_Right or wrong, don't it turn you on?_   
_Can't you see we're wastin' time?_

_Do you wanna touch? Yeah_   
_Do you wanna touch? Yeah_   
_Do you wanna touch me there? Yeah_   
_Do you wanna touch? Yeah_   
_Do you wanna touch? Yeah_   
_Do you wanna touch me there? Where? There, yeah, oh_   
_Yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah There, there, there Yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah Yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah_

_Every growing boy needs a little joy (Yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah)_   
_Beggin' on my knees, baby, if you please (Yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah)_   
_Every growing boy needs a little toy (Yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah)_   
_I'm a natural man doin' all I can (Yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah) Every Friday night I got to get my share (Yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah) I'm waiting so long, yeah_

* * *

You're waiting on the sidelines, awaiting your turn right after Bumper Allen who surprisingly has nothing to say to you. He only sends his jerkish smile your way. You ignore him, going back to jumping up and down to release any left over nerves.

He sings Dazz Band's 'Let it Whip' and you gotta admit, he owned that song.

They go to commercial and while you were told to wait just where you were, you instead go looking for Beca.

You find her, not to far away, in one of the rooms, and she's not alone. You can see straight into the room from where you are situated -the door's wide open-and there's Blake, Adam and Usher but you are surprised to find Jesse there as well.

Wasn't he supposed to be back in Europe by now? The three male coaches are conversing lively, but you notice (and it makes you weirdly happy) that Beca and Jesse look uncomfortable, not even looking at the other.

You realize you're doing it again...creeping on Beca, eavesdropping on her private conversation. You should leave, the last time you'd been caught and it resulted in you hearing one of the worst news ever. You didn't want a repeat of that. You try to move away unnoticed, but your foot gets caught on the flooring and thank goodness you don't fall over, only stumble a bit. You right yourself quickly, but so much for not alerting anyone they're all looking at you.

Adam Levine looks amused;like he knew exactly what you were doing, Usher a bit confused, Jesse has that look you remember quite well; his eyes narrowed, his lips in a tight line, displeasure evident.

"Are you okay Chloe?" Beca asks worriedly.

"You wanted something, little miss?" Blake Shelton says, smiling at you. You don't know how to ask for a quick word alone with everyone watching, and you feel Jesse's gaze still on you. And so you just smile,

"Uh...No...just-Hi...was walking...around. It helps to get rid of my nerves."

"Okay, we'll see you on the stage. You go ahead, we'll follow in a bit." he says dismissing you, "I'd wish you the best, but I'm pretty sure you're just about to knock out all that doubt from the viewers minds, so never mind that." he says, giving you this light wink and this time he proceeds to close the door.

You're contemplating what Jesse's presence back in the studios meant...how it would affect Beca. He was back for work that's it...he would be gone soon enough. There's nothing to be worried about, he no longer posed as a threat-like you  _needed_  another thing to be worried about.

Despite everything working against you, you're able to pull it together for your rendition of Adele's 'Daydreamer'.

You're staring out into the crowd, feeling the energy of the studio...it's uncertain one, and you know exactly what to do. You go into that place of warmth, of love of singing of performing...You go back to the times when it all felt new, when you discovered that you could sing and sing well...you perform for yourself this time, for that little girl inside of you who dreamed of this; being able to share a part of yourself to the world through music, to touch people as other artists have touched you.

_Daydreamer_   
_Sitting on the sea_   
_Soaking up the sun_   
_He is a real lover_   
_Of making up the past_   
_And feeling up his girl_   
_Like he's never felt her figure before_

Your voice is steady, and soft. You're smiling, it seems like it's only the second time thruought the competition that you feel happy and whole, calm- at home up there.

_A jaw dropper_   
_Looks good when he walks_   
_Is the subject of their talk_   
_He would be hard to chase_   
_But good to catch_   
_And he could change the world_   
_With his hands behind his back, oh_

You glide through, delivering the notes easily. In the back of your mind you notice it's really, really quiet in the studio...and you aren't sure yet, if that was a good thing.

_You can find him sittin' on your doorstep_   
_Waiting for a surprise_   
_And he will feel like he's been there for hours_   
_And you can tell that he'll be there for life_

_Daydreamer_   
_With eyes that make you melt_   
_He lends his coat for shelter_   
_Plus he's there for you_   
_When he shouldn't be_   
_But he stays all the same_   
_Waits for you_   
_Then sees you through_

_There's no way I_   
_Could describe him_   
_What I'll say is_   
_Just what I'm hoping for_

_But I will find him sittin' on my doorstep_   
_Waiting for a surprise_   
_And he will feel like he's been there for hours_   
_And I can tell that he'll be there for life_   
_And I can tell that he'll be there for life_

You smile, and breathe a sigh of relief when you finish and almost as if broken out of a trance, there's suddenly a great deal of noise coming from all around. It's rather surprising-almost frightening after all that silence, but your smile grows bigger, your eyes turn watery when you see that everyone in the studio is on their feet crazily applauding you.

"Can I speak first please?" Adam says loudly before Carson even fully makes it to the stage."Please, please. please please please PLEASE!"

Carson hugs you, whispering "Way to go, Chloe."

"Okay on to our very impatient coach, Adam Levine..."

"THAT WAS AMAZING! Come on...seriously, can I just say, if anyone is still in doubt of your abilities after this...I don't know they should have their ears checked or something. You know doing Adele it's such a tall order, and there have been many failed attempts in getting her songs right...and that song in particular is very delicate, precise- but you just killed it...slaughtered it, then knocked it out of the park."

More cheers, it seems never-ending. You're a mess, wavering on the brink of breaking into tears, and laughing giddily. You do a bit of both. Though your tears don't go past your eyes...

"There was not a note that came out of your mouth, that you didn't deliver perfectly. I loved it. I loved every second of that beautiful nuanced performance." Usher says,

"You're an amazing vocalist and you know that...that performance was probably your best Chloe. That's why you've gotten so far in the show...you and your range. You pull us into you, you make us look forward to what you bring as a performer to the stage...and I'm just baffled that people can't see how much of a strong, genuine, talented person you are...I hope they push aside all their qualms and vote to keep you in." Blake says,

and then suddenly it's silent again in the studio,

Beca breathes heavily before she starts talking, "That song, that performance is all the proof anyone needs. " she says addressing everyone. "Chloe is one of my girls, they're sorta like my kids all of them. I serve as a guide, a mentor and a friend...to help them through this tough, highly-pressured competition..I believe in all their very different, distinct strong voices. I believe that they have what it takes...and I'd hope to take them all to the finals if it were possible, but.. I can't, and it sucks...All I know is that...you, Chloe Beale, will keep singing, will continue to bring joy to people's lives even long after this competition.

You smile gratefully,

"Thank you, coaches. That was Chloe Beale everyone."

You move off the stage, feeling weightless, lighter. It didn't change the situation entirely, but it was enough for you; how positively the studio audience had responded. It made you hopeful; grateful that not everyone judged you to harshly from the get go. It reminded you that some people were still open to changing their resolves. You feel yourself regain that old enthusiasm, that old confidence that you had started to loose along the way.

* * *

"I told you you had nothing to be worried about!" Beca says when she finds you backstage after the show with the girls all around you. They're stuck in their own conversation, arguing over the plans for the night out. They'd been involved in it for quite a while now, almost as soon as they finished congratulating you offstage which included Fat Amy crushing you into her Bear hug once again, with the two not helping at all by joining in instead of pulling her off you.

"So hey...what do you party animals wanna do tonight?" Beca asks the trio,

"Why you want to come with us?" Fat Amy asks eagerly, finally lending the both of you some of her attention.

"Are you uninviting me already?"Beca says frowning, but anyone can tell she's not really serious.

"Of course not. Okay, since you're the last one to join our little soiree, what do you propose we do?"

"Tell me your options..."

"Club." Stacie says,

"Aren't you guys tired?"

"You have a point there, we're exhausted." Fat Amy says, looking at your lap before she lays her head across it, lifting her legs onto Stacie and Cynthia Rose.

"Something where we can enjoy ourselves that's not so strenuous..." Cynthia Rose says before she pats at Amy's leg so she could take it of, Fat Amy sits back upright with a groan or protest.

"How about a Movie?" Stacie asks,

"No." Beca firmly says. You just shake your head at the questioning looks from the girls 'Not a fan' you mouth.

"How's about...going to this private place I know..there'll be drinks like you wanted Stacie, there'll be plenty of beds there Fat Amy, and It'll have a spa and sauna, they also do mani-pedi services there."

"Cool beans!" Fat Amy says getting to her feet fully awake now

"Sorry I blacked out everything all I heard was Spa...and mani-pedi." Stacie says.

"Well that settles it!"

"What about the...thing..." you say, unwilling to verbalize your qualms about going out with Beca.

"I'd say to hell with that but...we're in a group...I've talked a great length with Nancy and well, we've secured someone to represent each one of you girls. Also we've got extra security so that the paparazzi won't know that we're there and won't be able to swarm us."

"Sounds good..." you say,

"It  _does_  sound good. What is this you're planning a girl's night out?" Jesse says from out of nowhere, you'd all been absorbed in your conversation that none of you noticed him approaching.

"Keeping yourself busy even after work these days huh, Babe?" he says addressing Beca, and just like that, like always with him, you feel this slow boil of negative emotions, a mix of fear, of annoyance and anger rising in you.

_How dare he talk to her_

He's standing right behind Beca and she stiffens up at the proximity, the hurt plain on her face. You remember how pissed off you were at how he treated Beca, not just towards the end. He always seemed to treat her like he owned her. That she owed him, like she wasn't a human being but a prize he had won, that he wanted to keep selfishly to himself.

"It's none of your business." you spit out as vehemently as you can.

"Chloe..." Beca whispers.

"Nice to see you too, Chloe, but I wasn't  _asking_  you." he says calmly dismissive, the little mocking smile on his face making you rise to your feet.

"But I'm  _talking_  to you, asshole!" You say stepping up to him.

"Chloe stop-" Beca begs, till then the other girls were struck silent not knowing how to handle the situation. But at hearing Beca's plea they burst into action. Stacie takes your shaking hand and squeezes, a gesture that serves to calm you down,

"You better go right now, and leave Beca alone." Cynthia Rose says acting as the mediator, trying to calmly handle the situation.

Fat Amy stands up instead, "You hear her, leave now...trust me my ginger buddy over there may not have looked threatening, but fear me...This ain't fat it's muscle. I've wrestled with all kinds of reptiles back in Tasmania as a sport...so I can totally handle you."

You're not sure if it's because he believed Fat Amy's story, or that it only struck him how bad it would look if he was caught getting into a fight with girls, but whatever it was... Jesse finally makes up his mind to leave. He walks a few steps but he then turns around and gets a last word in.

"I'm leaving right now, but I'm not going anywhere...you'll be seeing me around and often."

"Way to ruin the night, wow he's actually a prick I didn't see that one coming..." Fat Amy comments, breaking the silence after he finally disappears out of sight.

"The night isn't ruined, we're still going right?" Stacie tentatively asks, and no one bothers to answer her.

"Not looking forward to rehearsals if he's going to continue to be so assholic the whole week." Cynthia Rose comments, and now your heart sinks, the thought truly sinking in, he would be there...a looming presence, coming in and out of rehearsals when he so wished, facilitating most of the music decisions.

"He's not usually..." Beca says out of the blue, 

"Are you really defending him?" you ask astounded.

"No...but I've known him a long time...he's not at his best right now but he's actually a decent guy..."

"Okay...do you forgive him for what he did to you?"

"No..." she says weakly, you continue to look at her and she rolls her eyes, "NO...but we have history, I can't just stop caring about him. I'll always be concerned for his sake..."

"This is messed up.." you mutter,

"Nothing a good massage can't fix, remember our plans...the spa?" Stacie says,

"Yeah we all need the stress-relief, on to the spa.." Cynthia Rose says getting to her feet. "Beca? Chloe?" she pauses waiting for the confirmation from the two of you.

"Yeah..."

"Yeah..."

"Let's go then...Chloe ride with me and Stace, and Amy gets to ride with Beca!"

"Yay!" the three of them cheer exaggeratedly, you can't control the twist of a smile that comes to your mouth at your friends ridiculousness. You see Beca trying to fight down one as well. You school your features when the two of you sharing similar sheepish expressions, turns to each other to offer up a reluctant "Sorry"

You apologized even if you didn't agree with her, or she with you. And it shouldn't feel so weighty but it is, You've had disagreements before; but this was the most serious topic that you'd fought about so far. But you decide to let it go for the time-being... You're friendship was too strong, too precious and important to be torn down by the occasional spat-even the ones about jerkwad ex-fiancees named Jesse.

"Okay you wanna...change the car pool arrangement now that the two of you're okay or-" Cynthia asks looking between the two of you once again, once you get to the parking lot.

"No. It's fine..." you say and you get into Stacie's red mini cooper with Cynthia Rose riding shotgun.

"We're all seeing each other at the place anyway...C'mon Amy." Beca says, and you watch them walk away a little further to her reserved parking space, Fat Amy carried away by her excitement gives Beca her great big hug.

"Yay! I get to ride with Beca! Woot woo." you hear her enthused shouting all the way from inside the car with the window already rolled up.

"Don't rub it in!" You shout equally loudly,

Their car pulls up to Stacie's and Beca proceeds to roll down her window to give the address and Stacie puts it into her GPS, "It's best if you follow me..there's a technique to getting there that only I know of. Oh and try to keep up!" Beca says smirking,

"Okay Coach, ready when you are..." murmurs Stacie, revving the engine and Beca follows suit.

"Are you trying to let us get caught for speeding?" you question,

"No..I just meant you might get caught in between all those traffic lights, I know the best way to maneuver in and out of LA traffic. What did you think of me a felon? I'll let you know I've never gotten a speeding ticket ever in my life." Beca says,

"Enough chit chat...or we'll never get there..." Fat Amy interrupts, Beca merely laughs,

"Yeah we're going. We're going..." she says sending a last smile, before pulling ahead.

You look out the window, finding the darkness comforting, admiring how as the night enveloped the city, it made it all the more beautiful, almost magical.

The road seems so vast and it's only the two cars that you see speeding along it. So there was no traffic after all. _Finally there's a good turn to the evening, luck's on your side,_ with that last thought you allow yourself to close your eyes with the promise of having the relaxing night you were looking forward to in no time at all.

 


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jesse's back and in control. How will bechloe get through this?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been doing a lot of rewriting and editing at a very early hour so um hopefully you'll enjoy this...Keepin my fingers cross that it's not a complete mess...

_Along with their coach, we have theTeam Mitchell girls performing Little Mix's Move._

Four spotlights illuminate the four of you standing center stage, each with an old fashioned mic stand. Beca and you are at the middle, with Stacie on your right and Cynthia Rose on Beca's left.

You're humming first then Beca joins you, the two of you strike one pose after the other; you jut your hip, Beca dips the mic stand her head bowed low. Stacie kicks her leg up, before doing an elaborate twirl, while Cythia Rose does a Michael Jackson grabbing her crotch, tilting her hips with her hand.

_Mmh, Mmh_

Cynthia starts clicking her tongue, then Stacie joins in as well, then the four of you.

 _Mmh, Mmh_  
_Mmh. Mmh_

Beca starts it of, moving the mic stand partly to the front, with the three of you still backing her up with your humming, swaying and snapping your fingers.

 _Hey baby_  
_Tell me your name_  
_I got a fever for ya_  
_I just can't explain_  
_But there's just one problem_  
_I'm a bit old school_  
_When it comes to lovin'_  
_I ain't chasing you_  
_Ain't waiting_  
_I'm on a roll_  
_You've got to let yourself go_

Then Beca moves back in place while Cynthia Rose steps forward for her turn, given the opportunity to belt, which she does beautifully...

 _Whoa,_  
_You know that I've been waiting for you_  
_Don't leave me standing all by myself_  
_'Cause I ain't looking at no one else whoa_

Stacie takes the lead, working her mic stand,

 _Hey,_  
_Get your back off the wall_  
_Don't you get comfortable_  
_Looking so hot,_  
_I think that I might fall (Woo!)_  
_Feeling like it's my birthday_  
_Like Christmas day came early_  
_Just what I want_  
_So when we move_  
_You move_

Then the four of you, dancing around each other, bumping hips with Stacie and Beca and Cynthia Rose.

 _Get your back off the wall_  
_Don't you get comfortable_  
_Looking so hot_  
_I think that I might fall (Hey!)_  
_Feeling like it's my birthday_  
_Like Christmas day came early_  
_Just what I want_  
_So when we move_  
_You move_

Then on to you, you strut to the front shaking your booty,

 _Oh silly_  
_Why you afraid?_  
_Don't be a big baby_  
_Quit playing games_  
_Put your arms around me_  
_You know what to do_  
_And we can take it down low_

You move back to be parallel with Beca, who you see is smirking looking amused at you. You quickly stick out your tongue at her. While the other two move up front,

Cynthia Rose again, but with Stacie joining in,

 _whoa,_  
_You know that I've been waiting for you (For you!)_  
_Don't leave me standing all by myself (Myself!)_  
_Cause I ain't looking at no one else (No one else, looking at no one else)_  
_Looking at no one else whoa_

Then all of you...

 _(Hey)_  
_Get your back off the wall_  
_Don't you get comfortable_  
_Looking so hot (Yeah!)_  
_I think that I might fall_  
_Feeling like it's my birthday_  
_Like Christmas day came early (Early! Yeahh)_  
_Just what I want_  
_So when we move_  
_You move_

Then Beca and you,

 _Move it baby, Whoa!_  
_You know that I've been waiting for you (Ooh!)_  
_Don't leave me standing all by myself_  
_Cause I ain't looking at no one else_  
_Looking at no one else_  
_Looking at no one else_

Then Stacie and Cynthia Rose,

 _Hey! Hey!_  
_I'm ready, hey!_  
_Boy come and get me_  
_Don't be scared_  
_Show me what you do_  
_Don't you know a girl_  
_Like a boy who moves?_

Then Beca and you join the two of them,

 _Hey! Hey!_  
_I'm ready, hey!_  
_Boy come and get me_  
_Don't be scared_  
_Show me what you do_  
_Don't you know a girl_  
_Like a boy who moves?_

Then the four of you again with Cynthia Rose doing the backing vocals, the rifts,

 _Hey,_  
_Get your back off the wall (Get your back of the wall whoa)_  
_Don't you get comfortable_  
_(Looking so hot looking so hot I think that I might fall ooh yeah)_  
_I think that I might fall_  
_Feeling like it's my birthday_  
_Like Christmas day came early (like Christmas day came early)_  
_Just what I want_  
_So when we move_  
_You move_

 _Hey! hey! I'm ready, hey!_  
_Boy come and get me_  
_Don't be scared_  
_Show me what you do_  
_Don't you know a girl_  
_Like a boy who moves!_

The applause that follows after you finish is long and loud, the energy in the studio way up.

The four of you go in for a quick group hug, with Beca offering words of encouragement before she quickly runs off to her seat,

"Good job ladies, let's see if that doesn't show our viewers that all of Team Beca deserves to get through... More group performances from the rest of the Voice contestants when we come back." Carson says, before going to commercial.

and just when you think it can't get any better it does...

_Chloe Beale is the last of Team Beca to make it into the Top 12..._

You got into Top 12, yippee. Yeah, you think for sure that would make you happy...but you just sound plain sarcastic, and just blah.

Because sure, you were happy, you're grateful for the people who had voted for you, still things weren't perfect. There was a lot going on behind the scenes; there was plenty of tension, with trouble brewing waiting for it's moment to strike.

* * *

You thought that after the Results night, the whole string of bad luck that you seemed to be attracting would come to a halt. You'd like to think things would start working in your favour, but the Baloney Barb scandal continued to loom over the two of you. It was done but not completely gone, it left quite a bitter aftertaste in your mouth.

The Spa outing had seemed so long ago...in reality it was mere days, but it seemed like in that short period everything had changed. The Girl's outing had been the last time were things still felt slightly normal between Beca and you.

Sure, you laughed and talked like you used to, but somehow...it felt different, like you had to hold yourself back somehow. Like you had to be careful about getting into any situations that would arise even more suspicion.

You became hesitant with your touches, some words you had to censor out when talking to each other. You weren't allowed to be alone together and yet in front of a large crowd it almost felt like you were playing a role for them.

"You know what's true, so don't let it affect you." Beca herself had said that,

Beca who said, who promised everything would be fine, who assured you that she is the one who's really getting affected and that she'd carry the weight for the both of you. She tries to hide it and denies it, but you see it's taxing on her.

Beca who had been advised to not to stick so close to you anymore, and is now actually following the said instruction dutifully especially after Barbara's appearance in Entertainment Tonight.

And even worse there was the king of pricks always there, always observing, prowling about like some predator smelling out your weaknesses your fears, waiting- knowing that now was the right moment to strike. Turning up everywhere... or maybe it could just be cos he worked there,

It was deliberate, and little by little you'd see him find excuses, or make up reasons to converse with Beca taking full advantage of his Music Director status. At first it was about suggestions for group performance they would sing it back and forth to the other, tweaking it a bit each time.

* * *

It was late Friday night, thirty minutes into your one hour one-on-one practice, when he asked for her for what seemed like the millionth time that day this time sending Benji over to do the asking.

"Miss Mitchell, can I have a word." Benji says seriously, but his face brightens considerably upon noticing you, "Oh hey there Chloe!"

"Hi there Benji." you reply, trying to return his greeting with the same enthusiasm but falling short of the mark...you really were  _that_ exhausted... he doesn't seem to mind though; judging by his face breaking into an even bigger smile.

Beca then calls for a break, the members of the band and the camera crew that are in the room retreat(suddenly filled with more energy) to the adjoining room where all the snacks are set up,

"What is it Benji?" Beca asks, the last thing you hear before their voices drop to mere murmurs as they continue conversing,

You take a quick drink of water, opting not to eat until after practice...You expel a long tired breath before singing out the chorus to Sara Bareille's Gravity.

_Set me free,_

_leave me be._

_I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity._

_Here I am_

_and I stand so tall,_

_just the way I'm supposed to be._

"See ya Chloe!" Benji says in farewell waving enthusiastically, _'_ You sound great' he mouths before flashing you a quick thumbs-up.

"Thanks Benji!" you say, walking up to give him a quick hug before he leaves rather hurriedly...

You turn to find Beca with this small smile on her face,

"What?" you ask uncertainly, it's the first time during the entire practice that you've seen a glimpse of 'friend' Beca and not coach Beca,

"You know I haven't seen Benji so entirely smitten with someone before..."

You think your face gives away your surprise, "Benji's smitten... with me?"

"Oh c'mon his entire face light's up whenever he sees you", Beca says, raising her eyebrow, "surely you've noticed..."

"Benji's such a sweetheart..." you say, not feeling put off at all, rather you feel yourself growing even fonder of your friend.

"You really didn't know? Don't tell me you're also completely oblivious to all the other male attention you get...like it's crazy, everywhere you go we literally have to beat the guys off you..." You're finding it all rather amusing; how worked up she was getting over it,

"Ohmygod! Really!?...I get male attention!?" you ask as though it was completely unheard of, trying to look shocked at the very notion, It takes everything in you not to laugh when Beca looks at you the expression on her face is gold; looking oh so very astounded, before her eyes narrow, not sure whether to take you seriously or not.

"It's not just guys...You have this 'wow' effect on people..." she says and her serious tone, quells the remaining giggles.

"You sure you're not getting me confused with Stacie..." you say,

"No...Stacie is you know hot and all but your appeal is different, personally I dig it more..." you flush deeply, and so does she, her eyes widening realizing what she said and how it sounded, " I mean...I completely understand... If I were a dude I would totally go for it... I mean-you know what I mean..." she says floundering all over her words,

"So...what did Benji say You-know-who wanted this time?" you ask, cutting across her. Normally you'd be smiling widely, and you'd be teasing her about what she had just said thoroughly milking the rare moment of Beca revealing her true feelings/attraction for you. But you stopped yourself at seeing her look around first to see if anyone had heard her, and at sensing her wanting to get away from the topic, regretting it the moment the words left her own mouth...

"God knows what _Jesse_ will ask of me this time." she just answers, before she turns toward the group of people still camping by the snack table, "Guys let's just call this an early wrap up since we're basically done here anyways..." The room is filled with cheering, Beca holds up her hand to silence them, "We will continue this tomorrow...Goodbye everyone enjoy the rest of Friday night..." They all start leaving the room in groups, calling out their goodbyes.

You retrieve your bag at the other end of the room, feeling your stomach grumbling in hunger when you see that the snack table is empty,

"Remember what I said about resting your voice okay..." Beca says from across the room as she gathers her own things. You don't miss her continuously glancing at the clock on the wall and then at her own wristwatch in the process, "I have to go." she says straightening up finally ready to leave, the two of you both walk up to each other- meeting at the middle, "Um Bye" she says hesitating before she opens her arms, you're the one who moves forward to give her a hug.

You missed her.

How was it possible to miss someone so much even though you saw each other, where with each other almost everyday. But you feel like you haven't been able to hold her this close (without inhibitions, without anything or anyone in the way) in a while,

You don't say it aloud but you squeeze her to you tightly, trying to show her just how much you missed her and her responding squeeze conveys as much if not more as she burrows her head, settling into the crook of your neck,

You stay like this for a while, breathing her in deeply, (you always loved her authentic Beca scent; it was rather intoxicating) enjoying the moment of complete silence, of peace between the two of you.

You take one last deep breath, before you step back. Your eyes don't leave her face and hers don't leave yours, it's a stare down of epic proportions,

"Do you- ?" you begin to ask her, you know what you want to ask her next, what you want to do next _God-help-you_ if she doesn't stop looking at you that way you won't be able to stop yourself from doing what you've been wanting to do to her-with her- practically all your life...

You step forward much closer to her, and she doesn't move...You always knew this was going to happen, that it _had_ to happen, it was always just the where and when that had to be cleared up.

Hopefully God deemed _this_ place as the where and _this_ day as the when for it to happen...

and then your stomach growls so embarrassingly loud...

And then Beca's laughing her ass of, you don't join in as heartily as your normally would have, feeling a bit miserable, not counting on your own stomach to be the one to betray you like that.

"What the hell was that?"she asks after recovering sufficiently, albeit still giggling occasionally...You roll your eyes amused at her child-like demeanor,

"I'm hungry okay! The crew practically snarfed down the buffet table..."

"Did you skip lunch; when was the last time you ate?" she asks, her face suddenly turning concerned.

"I wasn't feeling hungry?"

"Chloe when did you eat last?"

"Breakfast?"

"It's almost eight o'clock..." she says, before she starts riffling through her bag then brings out her Marie lunch box, taking out two gourmet sandwiches, handing both to you, with a piece of paper falling out in the process,

You pick it up and hand it to her. Your quick eyes scan the note without really meaning to,

_Becky have a great time today I made one of your favorites. Love you dear!_

_"_ Uh sorry I read it..."

Beca waves it away,

"Yeah Marie still treats me like a kid...packing me lunch leaving me notes. She asks about you all the time...you know she's been so worried about you ever since the you-know..."

You were gonna take a bite but you stop yourself, she wants to talk to you about it...like seriously talk about it.

You set down the sandwich in preparation for the talk, because with Beca there was always this small window of opportunity when and where she willingly opened up about personal things/issues (you'd been lucky to witness those few times; they never lasted too long, she was always set on moving on to lighter topics quickly afterwards) You had come to learn that whenever she was in that rare moment you had to give your full attention lest you miss something. Because there always seemed to be something more to whatever she said.

"So what about your family what do they think...about the..." she gives a little jerk of her head, "the uh allegations..."

"My entire family has been calling me non-stop about it...even Aubrey called me from back home-"

"She's not back yet?"

"She decided to stay a couple more days into the holidays, I'll be joining them shortly... well so my family..." you swallow thickly, feeling the sudden onslaught of home-sickness, "You know they're being as supportive as they can from all those miles away, offering advice and words of comfort and I appreciate it, really I do," you say breathing deeply, you really needed to get the next part out, "but I just really want to forget about it you know? I want it behind me...I just need to move on from it. Well yeah I already have, so why can't everyone else get over it already!" It came out more heated, angrier than you intended, you think maybe you really needed Beca to hear it, _really_ hear it.

"It's Hollywood, well the sucky part about it. It's just how things work here...sometimes the trivial things are made bigger than they are, and yet the important things are belittled ...Funny how the scandals are the one's that seem to stick, outstripping all the good deeds, competing even with a person's accomplishments... well, at least until some bigger issue comes along..." she says a little to herself(you notice how tired she suddenly looks) then she looks at you plastering a smile on her face...then her eyes look at the untouched sandwich on your lap,

"Why aren't you eating...eat up already...You didn't have to stop for me. You really have to take better care of yourself, Chloe." she says chidingly.

You waste no more time, taking a hearty bite and nearly moaning at the taste. You recognize all the sandwiches elements the Turkey, Apple-Butter and Arugula Grilled Cheese...you chew slowly, eyes closed, _Oh dear lord._..you want to savor it but you have no choice but to swallow it almost against your will.

You take another bite and this time you can't help it; the loud moan escaping your mouth, You peel your eyes open and see Beca with a peculiar expression on her face,

"Good?" she asks,

"Mmmm-" you hum out before swallowing,

Her eyes are steady on yours, your smile happily, you stop yourself from nearly answering _orgasmic_ but you think better against it, managing to get over the food-gasm to answer with a simple

"Delicious..."

"You have um something, just there by your...um."

This seemed familiar, you reach out to wipe the offending mess with your tongue,

"You're just spreading it...lemme.." she says rather distracted her eyes not leaving the mess that was now all over your lips.

Wait a minute she'd done this before, was this another way for her to get closer to touch your face, but this time would she be bold enough to do something more, to touch you with something better than her hands?

"Oh silly me I got all over my chin um do you- have anything wipe it with..." you wait for her as she comes closer..."Do you-"

And then Hanna, another P.A, comes into the room, sent by the devil himself to guarantee that there would be no kissing, no nothing for you.

"Sorry...to interrupt Miss Mitchell, Chloe, um Mr. Swanson...he heard that you just finished you're practice, and..."

"Do you have to go?" is what you do get to ask, simultaneously with Hanna's "he's wondering um when will you be free to go?"

"Yes...I know... I'm coming..." Beca responds to Hanna, then to you.

"Yeah, sorry Chloe, his majesty awaits. He'll just keep sending more people if I don't."

It turns out Jesse couldn't wait even a second longer, deciding to turn up himself.

"Hey Beca...did you get my message? Are you done here?" he asks all but ignoring you. You really don't care, you've only got eyes for Beca who sighs heavily before nodding, answering both questions,

"Okay let's go then...I need you." He says before walking ahead to wait for her outside.

Beca promptly rolls her eyes gives you a what-can-I-do shrug before she follows him.

He comes back to look at you, "You've dirt on your face just there, thought you ought to know..." he says with a fake British accent.

You go to the nearest washroom to clean it up, argh that guy...and how dare her try to quote Hermione Granger and completely botch it.

* * *

You find the two of them later at the stage area, along with all the other artists who have assembled there for last minute-announcements.

They were singing that Christina Aguilera 'Say Something' song, (Jesse taking the part of Adam) and their voices went together perfectly, not as perfect as Beca and yours had but it sounded effortless, two singers who knew the others voice so well they adjusted almost unconsciously to suit the other.

 _Say something, I'm giving up on you._  
_I'll be the one, if you want me to._  
_Anywhere I would've followed you._  
_Say something, I'm giving up on you._

You think you're a bit transfixed for a moment there, pulled by the beautiful harmony that almost made you forget how much you hated the guy.

 _And I am feeling so small._  
_It was over my head_  
_I know nothing at all._

 _And I will stumble and fall._  
_I'm still learning to love_  
_Just starting to crawl._

You're annoyed that his voice was so freaking nice that you can't even find it in yourself to insult him.

Oh yeah he started at Broadway as well, in Spring Awakening, he was this secondary character...

 _Say something, I'm giving up on you._  
_I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you._  
_Anywhere I would've followed you._  
_Say something, I'm giving up on you._

You sit between Stacie and Fat Amy. Each second of the performance that passes, there's a slow boil building from watching him getting unnecessarily touchy with Beca, his meaningful glances, his stupid smiles. He's got to know that he's making Beca uncomfortable.

You seriously want to tell him to ease up, but seriously why isn't Beca doing it herself.

 _And I will swallow my pride._  
_You're the one that I love_

The slow boil's steaming as he takes her hand at that part, If you were her you'd puke in his face.

 _And I'm saying goodbye._ Yeah, you did now leave her alone _  
_

_Say something, I'm giving up on you._  
_And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you._  
_And anywhere I would've followed you. Oh-oh-oh-oh_  
_Say something, I'm giving up on you._

 _Say something, I'm giving up on you._  
_Say something..._

"So that's Beca and Adam's opening duet..." Beca walks offstage, disappearing from your view.

"And that's how you _do it_..." Fat Amy kids, and a few titters going around the room. "Get it Chlo duet, do it..." Fat Amy says trying to get a response but soon gives up.

"Okay everyone, tomorrow we will be rehearsing a Top 12 Group number, 'Sing' by My Chemical Romance..." Jesse says but you tune him out, but you glare unwaveringly at him.

"Hey cool it there Chlo, you don't wanna melt the Music Director with your glare..."C.R says joining the three of you,

"Yeah, tone it down a bit...try not to be so obvious about hating his guts..." Stacie says,

You turn your glare on them and they actual lean away, looking dare-you-say-it scared. You relax your face, and breathe out heavily.

"Jesus...for a moment there I understood why the majority of the whole world is shit ass scared of gingers." Fat Amy mutters,

"Sorry I just can't help hating everything about him- how he talks, how annoyingly superior he sounds bossing us around. How fake he is...look he's back to his nice-guy act, seriously why is Beca putting up with him."

"We know as much as you, " Stacie says, you're about to reply but then there's a kick to the back of you chair you turn around and meet Bumper trying to stiffle a smile.

"What the hell is your problem?" you say aloud, he laughs at seeing you riled up, but then he merely motions for you to turn around.

You meet everyone's eyes on you. Jesse's eyebrow is raised,

"Problem there Beale?" he asks in that condescending tone of his.

Yes, _you_ , you freaking asshole.

"Chloe calm down" Stacie whispers, catching you curl your hand into a fist. Fat Amy puts a hand on your back,

"Like you didn't see what Bumper just did."

"Enlighten me...I was paying attention to the task at hand which was briefing the voice contestants, and the contestants which includes you and your friends are supposed to be listening..."

"He kicked my chair..."

"Well seeing as that was the only way I successfully got your attention, I won't fault him for it. You want to share what you're gossiping with your girlfriends that's more important than our schedule for tomorrow? Or do you think you're too good for it?"

"Cool it ginger, don't take the bait...He'll only make you look worse for it..." Fat Amy mutters,

"You think you can just get by-that you're exempted? It doesn't just take talent it takes discipline which you obviously lack..."

You're own your feet before you know it. You've never felt hatred or anger at this level, you don't care that your bag which was on your lap is now on the floor and that it's contents have rolled every which way. You really want to swear at him, to tell him to shut the hell up, but that would be stooping down to his level, that's what he wanted and you wouldn't give him the satisfaction instead you smile coldly at him,

"If you're concerned about practice schedule you should take into account how much time you keep hounding Beca, taking her away from our one-to-one sessions, at the rate you're going none of her girls will be ready for the show..." Cynthia Rose claps a hand to your back, squeezing your shoulder.

' _Ohhh_." some of the boys react, some hushed whispers, almost like buzzing erupt all around, they are silenced by a single look from Jesse,

"Okay, that is a legitimate concern. Don't worry I won't steal her away much longer- we've worked that problem out..." He says, before he turns to Beca who you just now notice standing by the gigantic The Voice statue (had she been standing there long?) "but Beca feel free to come to me with any concerns music-related or not...I'm sure I can help..." he says winking, before he looks back at you, "the latter part, Miss Beale, I'm sure you know is out of the things deemed as your concern..."

What you hate the most with that sentence is how he delivered it sounding so formal and polite, you'd never suspect that there was anything underlying it.

"She's no longer your concern either...you broke up with her remember?"

Beca steps up to the stage,

"That's enough artists, you guys can leave now. We'll send you the schedule tomorrow it's all fine...have a good night."

They all start to file out, but you hang back out of sight taking your time at picking up your things, Stacie and the others offer to help but you tell them to go ahead. "I'll meet you guys outside." 

Beca andJesse's voices drift your way, your presence going unnoticed.

"Beca get a hold on your girl before she does something even more newsworthy that will drag more people's reputations down with her..."

"Don't act like you weren't trying to get a rise out of her and you were talking down to her..."

"Well I'm a member of the show, I'm the Musical Director meaning I'm still senior to her...and you know this isn't the first time she's disrespected me in front of a group of people. She tends to do this on almost daily basis."

Could he blame you? With the way he'd been turning up his nose on you, scoffing at your hard work and at your progress, his stupid little comments-maybe it was just because it was him saying them that prompted many an outburst. You know it isn't all in your head he's out to get you. And you've never been such a fan in the first place and now that he and Beca were no longer associated, you felt free to let him now what you really thought of him.

You quickly sneak out as they continue talking, catching the girls waiting by the entrance of the building, they all were too tired to go out so for once all of you decide to call it a night and get in to bed early so that you were fresh for the 'morrow.

"See you guys. Don't worry about me, I'll take one of the Voice cars..." you say, before hugging each of them goodbye.

"You're really asking for it sometimes..." Stacie says, "You naughty girl...keep that fire for a different activity one less stressful." she says whilst wriggling her perfect brows.

"Alrighty then..."

Fat Amy's next, "Still gotta admire your pluck, next time when we tell you to cool it we mean shut the hell up okay..." she says laughing,

Cynthia Rose looks uncharacteristically soft and how could you say girly for a moment,

"We don't want him to have an excuse to kick you out..." she says softly, seriously.

"Oh Cynthia..." you say hugging her tightly,

"How come whenever I come across you girls you always seem to be hugging each other..." Beca says, turning up behind you.

"Nothing wrong with a good hug..." C.R says, stepping back,

"Chloe gives the best hugs...I swear." Stacie adds.

"Yeah I don't doubt that." Beca says sharing a meaningful glance with you,

"Hugs makes me feel warm and happy inside, like I swallowed gummi bears whole and they're bouncing along happily in there, having a right party...going bounce bounce woot woot...unlike the poor gummi worms that are in little pieces, who thinkin about it, couldn't really bounce even if they wanted too as they have no legs...I think they'd just slither. Like slither slither ssss sss." Fat Amy says,

You all nod slowly, getting the gist of what she was saying.

"Yeah...that too...I agree completely." You say.

Beca claps her hands together,"So I'll see the rest of you tomorrow."

"See you Coach!"

"Bye Becs."

"Bye!"

She waves at them as they get into their vehicles; Stacie had her car with C.R hitching a ride with her, Fat Amy gets onto a purple motorbike, she flashes the 'rock on' sign before expertly starting the engine and revving off,

"Chloe. Can I have a word with you?" You look around wondering why she was being formal when the two of you were alone,

"Okay, what is it?"

"Mister Swanson shared his concerns with me, about you, that is-about your behavior..."

"Jeez Beca, just tell me straight." you laugh.

She shakes her head still serious,

"You can't talk to him that way Chloe...you have to show him respect." Your mouth's agape, did she really just tell you that?

"Why not, he's an ass..." you quickly reply,

"You think I don't know that..." she spits out,

"So why are you just letting him talk to you that way..."

She'd started pacing back and forth, halting only to look at you, before walking away and then repeating the process.

"I can take care of myself.I understand what you're doing okay, and I appreciate it, but...in case you've forgotten he's an essential part of the production team-the show needs him, and yes in ways I need him too, and by extension so do you...so we both just have to suck it up...and he had a point Chloe, you can do better, don't embarrass him in front of the other artists..."

"I will if he stops singling me out, and stops talking to me about you.." you grumble "he has no right..."

"So you will try...?" she asks, as you cross your arms defiantly, "for me?" Unfair move that was, those two words were exactly what she needed, you sigh in defeat,

"I'll try...but if he says something to you or so much as looks at you funny..."

"He and I are okay...we can make this work or something. The situation it's livable if not entirely unbearable, not that I won't be suffering through every minute of it."

When you think about it, it was Beca who had the most to complain about; she was the one being forced to interact with her ex. And you can't lie you were totally looking forward to her wrath, her woman being scorned act...but there she was being uncharacteristically submissive almost withdrawn around him.

Maybe you just had to wait perhaps Beca's was a really slow boil...with plenty of heat gathering underneath it. You expect it to be more explosive than yours.

"Okay then...See you tomorrow..." she says and right on time her car pulls up. Hank beeps the horn before waving at you, you hastily wave back.

Beca gets in, closing the door, you step away from the car but then the window goes down,"We can totally do this, we have each other to count on don't we?" she says offering you her wide-smile of hers, you don't reply only lean in to hug her, she rubs your back,

"Gummi bears in my tummy, they're right...you do give the best hugs."

She squeezes you before leaning back as the car slowly drive off...but she appears again leaning out of the window kissing her hand and sends a flying kiss your way,

"Give me one more I think you missed..." you shout after her. She shouts back,

"No you dropped it! My kisses aren't easily given away...you have to work hard to get another one!"

"Do I get another chance tomorrow then?"

"Perhaps if you're extra good tomorrow."

"I will be."

"We'll see!"

"So long!"

"Farewell."

"Au revoir."

"Auf wiedersehen."

You shake your head, at how weird the two of you could be together...

But who cares if tomorrow you'd be spending the whole day working on the group performance with Jesse, as far as you're concerned tomorrow can't come soon enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I bet you all are like when will they kiss please let them kiss! And I hear you really I do I'm totally thinking to myself twenty chaps and still no action this is a real slow-paced moving fic so here I'll make a promise that the new keeping promise me will keep, expect that in the next say two chaps a lot of shiz is gonna go down, so buckle up lovelies, you ain't seen nothing yet!


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Okay take a deep breath before you start reading...Warning: Angst all the way.
> 
> Also this is the first half of a very very long chap that I split in two once again, please be patient I hope you can power through with me, give me the next few days to post the other half...
> 
> So here you go, don't say I didn't warn you..

**  
Chapter 21: Chapter 21**  

The next few days proved to be difficult, the intensely rigorous practice sessions seemed more draining than usual, (doing nothing to help the persistent ache at the back of your throat) feeling more like work. It seemed like there was never time for goofing around or light-hearted moments anymore. Everyone stuck strictly to schedule following it to the letter. That however, you think was probably due to the brand new working environment being lead by the prince douche...

The working hard part you understood-even welcomed; you weren't a stranger to hard-work. You were diligent, prepared to give your all when it came to your craft... but let's face it, you _were_ only human. And with Live Rounds preparations being even more demanding, and to top it all off the steadily increasing engagements that you were required to attend; plenty more interviews, and events that you had to show up to...(you have yet to hit your stride, you haven't quite got a handle on the whole lifestyle of being some sort of minor celebrity ) and yet there seemed to no be no breaks to make-up for it, taking a lot out of you so that you almost always ended up passing out on some random surface at your place-You can't remember the last time you actually made it to your room.

All of that you could've dealt with, but what made it all the more difficult was having to try to get along with someone who seemed to have a rod stuck up his ass 24-7...It was especially when you were trying to keep a promise-trying to keep your snide remarks to a minimum. You opted to make up for it by calling him names in your head, or saying everything behind his back that you weren't allowed to say to his face.

You weren't being a complete backstabber, besides it didn't really count, you knew he knew that there was intense mutual dislike between the two of you and yet you both willingly played along because of Beca, to keep with her wishes.

So you remained neutral, your emotions almost kept at bay- hidden behind this thin veneer of self-control, while the two of you suffered in mutual discomfort, seeing who could best hold out. You said you'd keep your mouth shut, but your eyes remained peeled, as you kept a close watch, tracking any development between the former lovers.

It was almost some sick obsession, how defensive- or was possessive the better word- you were of Beca

You convince yourself that you were being very defensive for her sake, because you wanted to protect Beca, because you were worried that he would hurt her once again and yes, that was almost entirely true... but it was trumped by a greater fear; that she would readily let him. That she would fall into a habit, go back into what she was used to...back to her comfort zone.

It's completely reasonable thought, and you can't help being worried when you saw how slick he really was, how he took his time... slowly, chipping at her exterior wearing down on her resolve to stay angry at him.

He knew Beca well, and he'd known her long enough to know exactly how to warm her up to him...and knowing Beca, with her being the real softie that she was, she would eventually give in.

It was annoying how his patience and perseverance paid off, how their conversations seemed to get lengthier and lengthier with time, the two of them seemingly falling back into routine, feeling at ease with each other; which was exactly what you didn't want.

This felt familiar watching Beca. You're like this TV-viewer seeing, knowing something that the main character is almost stupidly unaware of, seeing how close she was to making the same error, the same mistake over and over, and you were there separated by a screen, powerless to stop it- with no other ability than to resort to cursing at her from behind it.

* * *

You know you tend to have an overactive imagination(having a jealous mind didn't help either, only heightening things), so you were careful to react, trying to first dispel your supicions as mere suspicions before doing anything about it.

Till you actually see them laughing about something, Beca looking so carefree and unguarded, and not the least bit bitter and you can't help it that churning feeling, deep in your gut...

Okay, you'd sort of understood the whole 'he was a part of her life before so she can't be mad with him forever, but you thought that whole forgiving him part would come much later.

What happened you thought she said they'd just be civil towards each other...not become all buddy-buddy. Did she forget what she had said?

She turns to you, smile still in place and while her wide grin becomes a full open-mouthed, shiny, white teeth smile, you feel you resentment and jealousy rise up.

"What was that?" You try to not let the jealousy leak out, trying to keep the bite out of it for her sake.

"We were just discussing something, the music piece. He wanted my opinion about the group number."

"Oh really?" You don't find anything particularly funny about "Sing'

"Yeah, really," she says, her brows drawn together, not quite understanding your tone of voice, her smile dimming a bit.

"Cos' it looked like more..." you say sounding accusing and yes, angry.

"Why are you getting on me about this? What's the problem? What did I do wrong this time?"

"If you don't remember, let me refresh things for you. In case you've forgotten, you told me-and here I'm quoting you-you were going to suffer through every moment with him, that you were sick of how he'd been treating you. Why are you even talking to him like it's not against your will to do so?"

You hate that you're laying it on her, but judging by how confused she looks, she really needed the wake-up call to remind her where she stood, where she was supposed to stand regarding Jesse.

"We work together, I can't just mime things whenever I want something from him can I?" she says snarkily.

You know you're unstoppable at this point, you know you've gone too far, flying of the handle for something so little stepping into something that really wasn't any of your business but you keep at it, telling yourself that this was your duty as her friend...

"Do you not actually see what he's trying to do here? Stop being so freaking weak and blind and just plain stupid when it comes to him-He's trying to get you back and you're letting him think he can... I thought you said you were done, that you were sick of him, he treats you like crap Beca. You told me you were done listening to him but look at you..."

"I can have one conversation with an ex without wanting to get back with the guy...also I can't keep ignoring him whenever he starts a conversation...seriously what is your problem-Also I don't appreciate you throwing my words back at me...I know what I said, and I'm not taking it back...I'm just trying to make whatever this is work..to make the working environment less strained and messed up...I'm not enjoying it at all."

"You're putting on quite a show then..."

"What're you-"

Your discussion skids to a halt, when said topic of conversation, Jesse, approaches the two of you, you aren't quite sure if he knows that it's him your talking about.

"Hey I heard raised voices what's happening?"

The two of you exchange glances wearily but remain silent, Jesse can't seem to take a hint and continues to prod,

"Oh, um sorry was I stepping in on something important?"

You have very little patience for him right now, the bite coming out full-force, without you holding back this time

"Yes you are, we're discussing very serious- very private matters...why don't you freaking look someplace else where you can actually stick your business in. "

"I apologize. I'll just go then..." he says, meekly. You narrow your eyes at this.

"Yeah, probably so y'know we can actually continue our conversation."

He closes his mouth and departs as per your request.

"What was that! Chloe I'm warning you to stop it, I won't have you at my practice sessions with that kind of attitude..."

 _oh please_ You roll your eyes

"You better walk this off...get rid of whatever this is or don't even bother coming in. So now I have to go up to him to apologize, are you happy?" she stalks of in the direction Jesse went,

You walk away, straight out the door, straight to the street boarding one of the cars and giving your address without once looking back.

Your phone rings many, many times during the duration of the ride and you ignore each and everyone of them; at first it was because you were just being plain ass stubborn, but later on it was because you were scared to face Beca's wrath.

Your regret keeps building the closer you get to home. What have you done...all that shouting at Beca and blaming her had not helped the situation, in fact it actually sent her straight to him, and now they actually both had something to more to discuss, to complain about together... _you_.

* * *

The next day was a free day Sunday, but on Monday you make your way to her office to apologize, (the shoe's on the other foot, you never realized how nerve-wracking it could be asking for Beca's forgiveness), to maybe try to get back into her good graces you stand there after knocking a few times, (Kimmy Jin had confirmed she was there with a 'duh where else would she be')you press your ear to the door and hear sounds of motion inside, Beca's music playing, you call out her name and identify yourself, and still nothing...

Okay you get the hint, she doesn't want to talk right now, you walk a few steps before you make up your mind-taking out one of your note-books, tearing out a page and jotting down your message...

_Beca,_

_Hi. I know that you're pretty pissed at me. No, who am I kidding you're more than pissed. I walked out on practice yesterday, I ignored all those phone calls, and I said all those things-I said too much. While I don't regret expressing to you what I honestly felt, what I do regret is how I confronted you out of nowhere and how I said it- You didn't deserve that, not any of it. You don't need anymore false accusations. I know I'm completely insane, and I don't mean to be so crazy when it comes to you, but I really care about you, you know that, don't you. I care about your happiness, I really think you deserve all the happiness the world has to offer...and I'm sorry for being so mean and spiteful and I'm sorry I hurt you. Okay this letter is getting to cheesy for my taste (or maybe your taste I think you've already vomited on the letter twice by now...)_  
_Can we please talk? So I can apologize to you in person._

 _Love,_  
Chloe

* * *

You make your way down the hall and see the familiar profile of the brunette around the corner, and you expel a relieved breath at finally finding Beca (okay, she hadn't been ignoring you and your knocking just now, she had just stepped out) but as you keep walking, she steps into the light revealing that she wasn't alone, seeing her locked in a tight embrace... with Jesse. It doesn't last too long, they part with Jesse pressing a tender kiss to her forehead before he walks away. Beca finally turns and sees you.

Her face gives away her surprise, before she quickly wipes it of all emotion, she keeps walking and doesn't say anything to you as she passes by.

"Lemme guess, you guys were just talking." you say sarcastically, she stops before she slowly rounds on you,

"First of all, you don't get to question me... _especially_ after you went AWOL the other day." she says her voice raised, now looking positively furious, advancing upon you. "You disrespected me and my position as your coach..you said all that crap to me-"

You nearly back away feeling tempted to run from her rage, but you brace yourself, forcing yourself to hold your ground,

"But I was right, wasn't I. Look at the two of you..." you say, and that stops her mid-rant.

"Okay Yeah, we were talking what's so bad about that, He wanted to see how I was holding up with all these rumours floating around and the unwanted press about you know, our situation."

"So that had to be done with your arms wrapped around each other?"

"Why do you sound-can you stop sounding, stop being so...so..."

"What?"

"So damn spiteful and mean... and jealous."

"I'm not..."

"Yeah, because you have no right to be...you don't get a say in my relationships..." You actually do take a step back at that, you compose your features, trying not to show how shocked and hurt you were by that statement,

"Well excuse me for caring...So am I not allowed to ask what was that about, why the two of you looked so comfy?" you say, trying to sound unaffected, " and really do you normally make it a habit to spill your guts to someone you supposedly hate?"

"See this why people are saying all this stuff about us...you are overstepping."

"You said it wasn't a big deal, that you didn't care about what anyone said..."

"Well apparently I do. I don't like getting attention for _this_ kind of thing, people making me out as something I'm not. I don't like people suddenly looking at me differently, judging me for something I didn't do."

"Are we still talking about the competition or what?"

"You take it however you want to take it"

"Stop hinting at things and for fucks sake just say it straight! "

"Hey, what's going on here?" Speaking of the devil, Jesse waltzes in, (where the hell does he keep coming from, didn't he just leave) this time around blatantly not caring if he's interrupting on your private conversation, putting a possessive arm around Beca's waist.

"I hope I'm not interrupting," he says innocently, but there's this little glint in his eye, a twist to his smile that you don't like, that he knows exactly what he's doing.

"Uh...Hon-Jess" Beca says, quickly correcting herself.

"Yes Babe?" he says and the smirk is unmistakable, how he looks over at you almost in triumph.

"Hon? Babe?" you ask looking between the two of them his smug face and her subdued one, both confirming your fear.

"You kind of were interrupting. Just you know, Coaching stuff. Top secret..." she says and then she pushes him away, and you both just stand there watching him leave, hearing Jesse's footsteps as he walks away,

You finally turn on her.

"You've patched things up?" you ask the question, needing to hear the confirmation aloud, to confirm what you wish to God wasn't true.

She doesn't turn to you, doesn't even bother to reply, but you see, can even feel how tense it's all suddenly become. You've never felt so far off from her as you do now. It's like you barely knew her, she was keeping things from you now.

"But just the other day you were saying something completely different-that you wouldn't- " you stutter trying to make sense of the situation...you knew Beca was confused about some things, but seriously how indecisive could she get about her feelings,

"The other day, after you left...after I had apologized we... talked some things over." she says deliberately, slowly. Your frustrated at her tone, at her lack of emotion...You're annoyed that she's still not looking at you, not having the decency to talk to you face to face.

"So what, you're taking back everything...What about-what about all of that stuff you said to me about him that night you broke up?" you ask trying to sound anything but emotional and frantic, but it's hopeless; it can't be helped, your voice is shaking...

She finally turns to you, her face taut, her eyes blank.

"I was depressed fed up and drunk... I've said things I don't mean or maybe I meant it then, but now that my head is clear and reason is back, I've taken things into consideration... It's what's right, besides we're in a relationship, that's just how it works, we talk we fix things up. He apologized."

_Who was she trying to convince?  
_

You close your eyes for a moment, putting a hand to your head, trying to calm yourself...your heads throbbing right now...you really can't handle this, you can't handle her.

"So you're just going to take him back just like that?" you ask

"We both got carried away, we said things in the heat of anger, but I'm just so used to him being there. I can't let go of him completely...You don't understand, but me and him work, okay. He's what's best for me." she says, sounding decided.

Your eyes open at that, You want to get carried away by your outrage. She thinks he's what's best for her. But, you quell it.

"He's what's best for you...Okay I can know a hopeless case when I see one... You're right, I don't understand." you say,

Her expression turns angry,

"Don't call me a hopeless case-don't speak about something you don't understand..." You don't allow her to finish-you actually let out a roar of frustration, rendering her speechless,

"I can't even look at you right now..." you say as you start to walk away, your bodies shaking with the effort of trying to suppress everything,

"You can't keep leaving in the middle of practice Chloe..." she calls out, but doesn't follow, you turn your head back to look at her seeing Beca finally looking like a normal sane person;looking like herself, except looking a tiny bit afraid of you.

You look her full in the face, "I'm not leaving... I just feel sick right now, I can't stand being in the same room with you at the moment, excuse me." you say sounding calm, wondering how you managed that when all you wanted to do was punch at something right now,

You can't believe her! What was wrong with her? The guy was constantly making her feel like shit about herself, couldn't she see that?

You don't leave the premises, you go to the parking lot behind the building- away from prying eyes to stew in your misery, blinking back tears of anger and rejection, breathing in slowly, deeply, trying to get the calm to wash over you, trying to still your shaking hands.

You close you eyes tight, resting your forehead against the wall, before you slam your hand hard against the wall, wanting the physical pain to overwhelm the one going on inside... _Yeah ouch that worked,_ _okay now your hand hurts too, smart move Beale..._

You plug in your earphones into your ipod, randomly swiping, trying to get some good music to distract you from the situation.

Secret Smile by Semisonic, a song you liked to associate with Beca, comes on.

 _Nobody knows it but you've got a secret smile_  
_And you use it only for me_  
_Nobody knows it but you've got a secret smile_  
_And you use it only for me_

 _So use it and prove it_  
_Remove this whirling sadness_  
_I'm losing, I'm bluesing_  
_But you can save me from madness_

You find yourself enjoying the music before remembering yourself, clicking next furiously,

_When your dreaming with a broken heart, the waking up is the hardest part_

You click next again, and then _Someone Like You_ comes up and it takes everything in you not to hurl the damn Ipod instead you sit down on the ground, but you don't cry you just stay for a while immersed in your own thoughts...several moments pass waiting for something, expecting something to happen-not knowing what exactly...After a while it comes to you, how silly...you were still waiting on her, she wasn't coming to look for you, not this time. You shake your head and get up brushing the dust of your pants...

_Just walk it off Beale_

* * *

You couldn't skip the day of practice, the staging was the most important part, and you'd already missed out on the day prior to that...so you had no choice but to enter the studio for your one-one for the day as scheduled, with another hour added to make up for the one loss.

The studio had never felt so vast before, the trek to the assigned room seemed so arduous a journey, but you get there early to your surprise. What was unexpected was Beca being there early as well, the two of you stare at each other in surprise before you turn away. You don't know how to feel right now, what to do...you take a seat and turn to face the door waiting for the usual people who came in for rehearsals, the musicians, Beca's people.

You were so mad a while ago, but now you're a little bit empty of feeling, of emotion your mind and bodies all numb.

Moments pass with the two of you waiting, complete silence between you and her. Your eyes wander careful not to stray towards the brunette but there were only so many times that you could look at the walls, or at the instruments, without landing on Beca (you'd catch yourself doing it almost against your will, and when you did you would mentally give a yank to your reigns, transferring your blinders to focus your attention elsewhere.)

But then a sound so surprising catches you unaware, _Tsu, tsu, tsu._ No, it wasn't a train. It was Beca and her cute sneezing, breaking your resolve not to acknowledge anything about her,

"Bless you." you say almost automatically, finally meeting her eyes-disarmed by a sneeze, you called her a hopeless case, you were just pathetic.

"Thanks..." she says, but she's frowning looking confused...unsure how to proceed in this situation.

Then the quiet stretches for an even longer time, but this time you make no attempt to stop yourself from glancing her way, occasionally catching her looking away just as soon as you do.

You shake your head...you couldn't continue like this for the rest of practice,

So like always, you take the first step.

"Hey." you say softly, your voice sounding almost like an exhale. She turns slowly to you, her eyes darting unsure asking an unspoken "who me?" her eyebrow quirking as she points at herself. You almost expect her to turn around to see if there was anyone else you could be calling the attention of,

You nod impatiently,

"Hey?" she says tentatively, and you nod towards her to continue this time."So...um...how are you?" she asks,

"I'm fine..." you sigh, "Thanks for asking." your voice catches in your throat, and she winces...

"Sorry that was a dumb question to ask..."

"It's okay..."

"No really..."

There's a pause again in your simulated conversation...you guess it's your turn to start, but Beca beats you to it...

"I got your note."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"You know I'm the one that's sorry if- I dunno, led you to believe that I, I'm sorry I kept it from you...Jesse and I our situation, it's very hard to explain. It's just how we are...we do this, over and over again and still it's the only lasting relationship that I know..."

You nod along, deep in your heart you knew that, you knew that's how she felt, how it had to be.

"Chloe I'm really _really_ sorry" you look up, and meet her eyes and her face-for the life of you-you can't figure out why you can see your pain and anguish reflected back at you. "Please don't be mad at me...please..."

You exhale long and hard before shaking your head..."Don't you see how unfair it is," you say,

She closes her mouth, looking away- looking defeated, before you continue. "-How I can't stay mad at you..."

She looks at you again looking hopeful, you don't know how you can still manage the smile amidst it all but you do and so does she,

Then as if on cue that's when everyone comes filling in.

* * *

Funny how the song that you had chosen, a long time ago actually (you and Beca had poured over several of your music choices and carefully chosen songs that would highlight your strengths) for live rounds actually fit the shitty situation perfectly but you weren't sure where it applied to anymore, yourself and Beca or her and Jesse. Well it really sucked whichever way...

The two of you tried your best to act like everything was normal, she'd call you up occasionally but your talks don't last too long. It doesn't quite feel the same, no longer carrying the same comfort-plus, you didn't really feel enthusiastic talking whenever you'd hear Jesse's voice in the background.

The week seemed to go by so slowly;The Live show had been moved to a Thursday with Friday being the result night and it was only Tuesday.

You walk around feeling like you had this bruise located someplace hidden...for some moments you'd forget about it, you'd seem perfectly well, almost normal... but then you would come across it by accident, and it would remind you again freshly of the pain...

You had to put aside everything though, move on from it faster than you would have to normally in a normal situation, so you could focus on the competition.

* * *

You remember how you used to love bumping into Beca occasionally, how you used to find every reason to, but now you avoid her like the plague whenever you didn't have to see her for rehearsals, knowing that wherever she went Jesse followed.

Silly how when you actually didn't want to see someone they ended up turning up more often than you liked.

This time you went searching for Beca knowing she had some free time (you had been wanting to run one of the song numbers by her, your part in the group performance for Friday) you're crossing your fingers hoping you'd get her alone this time... but no such luck...

You overhear a conversation you'd much rather you hadn't. Firstly you hear shouting, at once you recognize the voices, Beca's and Jesse's...

You wonder why the universe hated you...you always seemed to catch them, sometimes-you wonder idly-if they planned it, stationing themselves nearby within hearing distance knowing you'd be the one to come across them.

"What's wrong Jesse?" _Seriously a fight already..._ theirs was a whole new level of a rocky relationship. Who knows maybe they're heading for another break-up...yeah, only for Beca to forgive again right after. You really can't bring yourself to feel hopeful anymore...you back away and start walking in the opposite direction...

"You know what's wrong, this thing you have going on with Chloe." Wait, you again. Were they really running out of conversation topics but you do stay, curious to hear what Jesse will say, what he'll reveal.

"C'mon, she's fine. I thought you liked her for me, I mean I never had many girlfriends before. You told me it was okay."

Yeah you did remember him giving the go signal to the whole let's-be-friends thing once upon a time, but you guess that was before he figured out that you were in love with his girl.

"Dude how can you believe me when I say it's okay? You're always with her, all those times we had to discuss the urgent, important matters you weren't there or you were distracted... She's the reason isn't she?"

You find yourself edging closer till you can actually see the people that are talking, but you still maintain some distance...

"Seriously? Chloe is harmless. I don't know what else you want, Jess. I've apologized to you countless number of times. Sorry if you feel I've been neglecting you."

"Understatement of the year."

"Don't tell me... You're jealous." she says, tiredly.

"And what if I am?"

"You have no reason to be, she's just a girl. Chloe's part of my team and I really feel like she can take it all the way to the end. I need to keep working with her."

It's hard not to take offense. You can't help feeling a little betrayed at that, so you were just some girl to her then...

For some reason you can't help thinking that if you were to ask her about it (and of course you wouldn't) she'd probably say something along the lines of _I was just trying to reassure Jesse,_ you really wanna give her the benefit of the doubt but you don't know how else to take her words, it's hard to trust her-to trust someone who would say just about anything...

You're wondering how many times had she done that- said something just to reassure you.

"I know, it's just that…"

"Oh come here you goofball." She stands on her tippy toes, just to reach around his neck and bring him into a hug. You see Jesse look your way, but you think you managed to duck behind the wall stealthily.

But you can't help it you peek form behind your hiding place and you see Jesse is looking your way but his attention quickly goes to Beca when he pulls her into a kiss. You watch until she moves her hands to his chest and by then you can't take any more. You silently slip away, you don't want it to interrupt their moment, but it seems you didn't do it as quietly as you thought. You hear footsteps, running which stops right behind you.

"Chloe, did you need something from me?" Beca says, sounding out of breath.

"No, yes but never mind."

"Hey, what's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost...did you see or hear anything?"

"I wanted to…ask if you were free maybe now or tonight, for me to run by my part in one of the group numbers...the one I'll be performing with Luke, Kori, and Fat Amy."

"Which one's that again?"

"Locked out of Heaven, so are you?" You see Jesse turn up behind her catching the end of your question. You change track really quickly-"But it's okay you're probably busy…I'll call you maybe tomorrow?"

Beca opens her mouth to answer but Jesse speaks ahead of her,

"No not tomorrow either Becks will be taking a vacation from all things The Voice related."

"I will?" Beca frowns confusion evident in her features.

"Yes, remember Hon…I booked something for us for tonight until Wednesday?" he says smiling, it does nothing to smoothen out the creases that have appeared on Beca's face, in fact it seems to add a couple more between her brows.

"Is that wise cutting so close to Thursday?"

"Why do you think I was working them so hard. They're more than ready...What do you feel like your girls won't be able to bring it without you there?" his tone turns challenging almost egging her on towards the end,

"No, I've got the three strongest girls in the competition." she says, holding up her hand almost like an oh please.

"Exactly and the uh the miniscule details that need fixing-" Here he glaces at you, "You can rely on your second in command can't you? "

You're lookng between the two of them, Jesse's looking at Beca, Beca's looking at him, then she looks at you;There seemed to be lot of silent communication going on...

"Okay remind me again where this is?"

"Well it wouldn't be a surprise if I told you," he says with his usual smile but there's something about how he says it.

She smiles thinly back at him,

"Okay. Sorry Chloe apparently I already have plans…"

"Yes we do," Jesse says to Beca, but he's looking at you from the corner of his eye "Beca has been going through something lately and I'm taking her somewhere relaxing to get her mind of it…get things of her head…get it out of her - hopefully for good."

"Sounds….relaxing. I'm sure the both of you will have fun."

"We will," he says jovially, while Beca remains bemused, staring Jesse down with a frown etched on her face. But then, she's all smiles when she does turn to you.

"Yeah, I'll see you first thing Thursday and you can call me whenever you need anything." She reaches her hand to yours. You think it was supposed to be a handshake but the two of you hold on several seconds longer than was necessary neither of you let go.

"But Beca the purpose of this whole getaway is to get away…I don't want you to be bothered with anything work related-"

"Chloe's not a bother," she says to Jesse and then addresses you, "you won't be a bother Chloe."

She finally glances at your hand she squeezes it then mock sighs as she slowly lets go. Even when she has done so, her hand remains outstretched even as you both move further away from each other.

"Parting is such sweet sorrow….I'll come back to you, wait for me," her voice straight out mimicking Shakespearian play Victorian era.

"Always until the end" you say in the same tone following her lead, she smiles brightly. Jesse looks less than amused.

"We're such dorks..."

"Yeah you seem to inspire that part in me..." the both of you chuckle at that- It's a stab of nostalgia for when things felt much simpler.

"You coming Babe?" Jesse asks,

She playfully rolls her eyes, Beca and you exchange last smiles, before you both heave a sigh and start to walk away from the other,

 _Until the end_ Did you mean what you said. You were joking, of course but was it really just half-meant, Could you really keep waiting for her?

"Let's go then, lover boy, "she says throwing an arm around his waist still laughing, pulling Jesse along. She's relaxed, she seems happy, carefree. You're glad that you can still somewhat bring out that part in her. She takes one last glance at you her eyes sparkling,

Of course you still meant it, meant it with everything in you. _Oh you were in such deep shit._

 _"_ Chloe wait a minute " Beca calls to you trying to get your attention, breaking you out of your haze, _"Y_ ou know what I'll try to squeeze in some time for you before we have to leave," she glances back at Jesse "We can do that can't we?"

"We'll see" he says, smiling humoring her...The two of them do leave and this time Jesse's the one staring-more like glaring after you.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Try not to hate. me..I know the anticipation must be killing you all by now...but hang in there. Two more chaps, or one looong chap to go until everything will explode (in a good way). Reviews are always appreciated, they kick me into gear whenever I hit a snag in my writing so never hesitate to do so...


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Live Rounds begin now! Will the pressure and all the strain of the ongoings finally get to Chloe?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Authors Note: Thanks for all the support guys...I've been trying to churn all of this out as fast as I can (I know not fast enough) but all your reviews always spur me on to upload faster...so hopefully you know what to do...
> 
> I hope you guys can somehow enjoy this chapter. 
> 
> Onwards men For NARNIA...(sorry was watching Prince Caspian forgive the random outburst there...)

You never get to make time for rehearsal with Beca, some vocal coach, Beca's own, Anna stepped in to help you.

It didn't really matter for the most part you had the important things down, what you really needed was Beca's moral support...she knew exactly what to say to you-how to calm you down (in her own backwards way)

But she was hard to reach at times, you're wondering where exactly Jesse took her; if he had meant to choose the place that had the faultiest reception ever...

The rare time you had gotten a hold of her, Beca had made all kinds of apologies and excuses some pretty legit but most of them smell suspiciously Jesse-related, it seems that the newly strengthened reunited loved up couple were making up for lost time. Jesse would make the most of his stay, spending every second before he would have to fly off again with Beca.

You give up calling after a while hating the busy tone. You don't want to think about who or what's keeping her busy at the moment.

* * *

You wake up in the middle of the night. Your clothes are damp, you're covered in sweat feeling hot and cold all at once. You think you were having a nightmare...Yeah definitely a nightmare, Jesse was in it. The details-the rest of the images in the dream are blurry, the uncertainty leaving you feeling inexplicably scared,

You run to the kitchen to pour yourself a glass of cold water, it really hurts going down...

You drink some more, hoping to wash down the nagging feeling deep at the pit of your stomach that just won't go away. You grab the land-line and call Aubrey up, waiting nervously, it takes several rings before she picks up.

"Bree. Hi, how're you?"

"Chloe don't you have a performance later on?" she asks, You laugh, feeling relieved, reveling at the familiarity of this; Aubrey wasting no time in getting on your case. You didn't know how much you missed her until you heard her voice.

"Uh-huh..." you say, swallowing back the tears that are threatening to spill.

"So why aren't you sleeping, I keep telling you Chloe, your voice is your most valuable instrument, you have to take care of it or it won't serve you well..." As she's goes on scolding you, you don't feel the need to say a word-You're just listening to her speaking, the only sounds coming from your end; you clearing the thickness surrounding your throat, punctuating your silence every once in a while. At the most part you're successfully keeping the tears at bay but then a sniffle escapes, and there's a pause in Aubrey's chatter...

"Chloe?" her voice changes you can here the concern now, *sniffle, sniffle*

"Hey...what's wrong?"

"I'm scared...there's just so much happening right now...I really need you.."

"hey, hey slow down...okay, breathe...tell me everything slowly..."

You spend most of the time talking this time, she doesn't scold you anymore she listens as you fill her in, the two of you talk all the way to the crack of dawn...by the end of it you're spent, but you feel so much better...at least emotionally.  
Physically however, your whole body was tired and aching. Your throat was hurting the worse it ever had before...You close your eyes to sleep, to find the much needed escape.

* * *

Thursday morning comes, and she's still not there...she had Kimmy Jin send each one of you Team Beca girls a message: she would be arriving later than she thought she would (flight delays), but she promised to squeeze in a couple of hours with you girls.

You're in full on panic mode, you needed Beca now and where was she? You were getting worse, no matter what you did. The herbal medicine didn't cut it anymore and you desperately needed someone-no, you just needed her- to talk to about it.

Your voice sounded hoarse and gravelly and not like in a nice way, to put it mildly you sounded like a chain-smoker who averaged three packs a day.

You stay there waiting for her, the time ticking by faster and faster, with your fear and yes some resentment growing...

* * *

Three hours till you go on air,

Two,

With one hour and thirty minutes remaining, You give up.

* * *

Anna had deemed you fit just the other day, she told you to take it easy and to rest, but that part went out the window last night.

Fat Amy, Cynthia Rose and Stacie are a wee bit distracted, (having their own numbers to worry about and all), but they still flock around you worriedly, offering up some advice, some possible solutions. They know you've been having a difficult time as of late, knowing all about your vocal struggles- the other more emotional aspect of your struggles you didn't share with them- not wanting to unnecessarily burden them with it.

"Maybe you can talk to someone about your throat...like aren't there supposed to be people for that kinda thing." Fat Amy suggests,

"Yeah there are ENT's but what's the point...we're going on in over an hour..." you say miserably,

"Can you maybe ask to move that song to fit a lower register?" Cynthia Rose asks,

"There's no time...and I have very little control over my voice right now...I'm not sure if I can hit all the notes right even if I sing it at a lower register."

"Is there any possible way you could sit this out?" Stacie says, giving the last option. You wish you could, but you couldn't- not if you wanted to move further in the competition...

"And what give people even more reason to think they're showing special preferential treatment towards me?" let's face it you were probably going to go home...you wanted to leave on your own terms, swinging hard.

"It doesn't matter...when it's your voice on the line here Chloe, You have to tell Beca!"

You shake your head, dismissing the notion. Beca was no use to you right now, you were on your own. "Have you guys been able to talk- to establish some sort of contact with her since she left?" you ask,

They look at each other before shaking their heads, "Well she did favorite my tweet to the link comparing The Voice contestants to characters from Disney..." Fat Amy offers, she trails off at the expression on your face.

"No Geez, please stop looking at me like your ready to suck out my soul. You know I've always had this theory about dementors being gingers" You ignore the latter part of her sentence, and continue pressing your point,

"See, so why should she answer a call from me?" you say with mild irritation,

"Because you're you." Stacie says without missing a beat.

You raise a single brow in question,

"What do you mean..." Stacie looks back at you, raising her brow as well...

"C'mon she's got a soft spot for you..." You almost hear the unspoken _obviously_ at the end of her sentence, your mouth's agape...

"Wait-sorry what?" you stutter, feeling a bit thrown,

"And we're not saying it has anything to do with the competition," Cynthia Rose says,

"We know that she doesn't play favorites when it comes to the actual competition..." Stacie further explains,

"Except-if it's like, the competition of Love...then of course you are her special favorite..." Fat Amy says, she laughs before high-fiving the other two.

You don't know why you're so surprised, you didn't think anyone of them knew how you felt...

You're sorta speechless, feeling overwhelmed as they continue assaulting you with their words, speaking over the other not letting you get a word in. They're all smiling at you knowingly,

"Chloe anyone can see you've got a hard-on for the coach, and we don't blame you the girls hot." Stacie says matter-of-factly.

Okay, so apparently they knew and they apparently supported you in it. You stare at Fat Amy who snorts at the expression on your face.

"Oh, C'mon...I may never be serious but look, you must know by now that I'm not some vacant headed blonde, I notice things too...just because I don't openly tease you about it doesn't mean I don't know how you feel about her..."

"Seriously the two of you together are so sickening at times...if I wasn't shipping Team Bechloe so hard..." Cynthia Rose says, _Wait...Team what?_

"Bechloe? Wait who's- OH!" They combined Beca and Chloe, like some ultimate pairing. Huh, that was actually kinda cool. So not only did they support the two of you, apparently they also shipped your pairing; whatever that meant.

"Just go with it..." They mutter,

"Yeah. So what's the latest development between Bechloe ey?" Fat Amy prods excitedly. You feel your energy draining slowly- the momentary lull from feeling horrible is disrupted, the emotions coming back twofold.

You shrug. It was an aimless gesture, that's how you felt about the situation...you had no answers, you had absolutely no idea.

"Spare no detail..." Cynthia Rose encourages, trying to get something more out of you.

You cross your arms over yourself, smiling wanly. Can't they tell that you didn't wanna talk about it.

"Yeah C'mon lesbihonest here." Stacie says her mouth twitching.

"Spill it, C'mon tell us." Fat Amy says, then starts chanting, "Tell us! Tell us! Tell Us! " the other two start joining her.

"Tell us! Tell us! Tell Us!"

Your smile's gone, you can feel your irritation settling in much stronger than before...

"That's enough guys..." you say, "C'mon break it up..."

"TELL US, TELL US, TELL US" They chant continuously, getting louder. They're all laughing gleefully in the process.

"Shut it!" you say as loud as you dare without actually straining your voice, looking around apprehensively, wary and embarrassed of the attention that your group was getting, "People are looking..." you hiss,

"Like everyone doesn't already know..." Fat Amy says flippantly disregarding your concern,

"You are together right?"

"Aw C'mon you don't have to be shy..."

"So when is the Wedding of the Decade?"

"C'mon you have to start planning, okay, you already have the entertainment, and three bridesmaids down" here they gesture at themselves,

"I can organize the bachelorette party!"

"I can hire strippers!"

"We can be the strippers..."

They say giggling to themselves, you've had enough,

"Stop Laughing...IT"S NOT FUNNY!" you do finally shout. You put a hand to your throat regretting the action, wishing you hadn't done that.

"Calm down for Pete's sake and stop shouting. Your voice is already effed up enough as it is..." Stacie says in concern (annoyingly chiding).

"Then stop talking about us like you know what's happening..." you say gritting your teeth,

"That's why we're asking, we want to know..." Cynthia Rose says explaining calmly, soothingly, smiling warmly.

"And we won't know until you tell us..." Stacie adds, with a little smile of her own.

"C'mon, you can tell us things too, you know... " Fat Amy chimes in, "We're not just for the fun times. We can be there for the...not so fun times..."

You smile a little, touched. If you weren't grateful for them a while ago you sure are now,

"It's okay if you don't..."

"Yeah we understand if-let's just talk about something else, shall we?"" They say, backtracking quickly, mistaking your silence for refusal,

"They got back together..." you finally reveal,

"Oh." The three of them look absolutely crushed, some parts confused and shocked. Yeah, you know exactly how they're feeling right now.

You don't get to say much more as you hear some commotion going 'round signalling Beca's arrival. She zeroes in on the four of you sitting around and makes her way over (all the while being followed by a couple of people who are swarming her with last minute instructions and requests) "Yes okay, I'm late... but now I'm here. C'mon let's go..." she says as she passes. She doesn't stop but continues walking; You share a glance with the others before you're off your bums, hot in pursuit.

"Bye girls! I'll just uh stay here then...keeping your chairs warm." Fat Amy calls after you girls,

"You do that!"

"Way to go Fat Amy!"

* * *

The three of you follow as she speedily leads you past bustling, busy, people setting up for the show, to the usual rehearsal room;her make-up assistant in tow, trying vainly to retouch Beca's make-up.

"Okay uh time?" she asks aloud, posing the question to no one in particular. "Oh never mind I've got it..." she says glancing at her own watch like she just remembered it was there.

"We have fifty minutes left..." she sounds taken aback, but she quickly gets a hold of herself, "We can do this, uh C.R you're up...",

"The two of you, vocal warm-ups go!"

Stacie's looking at you imploringly, wanting you to tell Beca about your throat.

You shake your head vehemently,

"Coach, we have, some concerns over here..." Stacie says, ignoring you.

"Yeah-uh...what is it?" Beca asks distractedly, her one ear trained towards Cynthia Rose and what she's singing, her eyes are on the Script changes being pointed out to her by one of the Show writers, at the same time she's swatting at the make-up artist who hasn't let up on her face yet.

"It's nothing..." you say,

"It's not nothing, it's something...Tell her Chloe."

Beca finally has her full attention on the two of you. You're taking her in, she's looking thoroughly harassed, thoroughly worn out...the make-up artist is hard at work covering up the baggies under her eyes.

"Well, what is it?" she asks impatiently, looking between the two of you. Stacie nudges you and you roll your eyes whilst letting out a huff, but you do open your mouth (making up your mind) to tell Beca...

"Please wait," She holds a finger up and it effectively stops all activity going on around her, a hush falls over the room now that there's no other flurry of movement.

"Okay, We don't have enough time and I know it's my fault, but the least you two could do right now is to actually use it to get ready for the competition..." she says eerily calm, before she lets loose and starts shouting, "Now, stop wasting time and start your vocal exercises! I'll get to you next, Stace."

"I told you not to say anything..." you murmur to Stacie, "There's nothing she can do to help me right now, thanks for trying though..."

"Chloe! Stacie!" Beca shouts (you jump in surprise) you hear the accompanying sound of a palm hitting hard surface, "What the Hell? What did I just say, I said get to work...and not to waste time, that means No chit chat..."

You open your mouth to defend Stacie,

"No, no more talking...I'm splitting the two of you up. Chloe, step out, we won't get any work done with you in here..."

Your mouth drops open, astounded. The other two are looking at Beca and you, quite shocked themselves.

You close your mouth and step outside, you glance back, but her expression remains hard. Wow she really means business. The door closes softly behind you,

"What the fuck!" you say under your breath, what the hell was her problem.

 _She_ was the one who didn't fulfill her promise.  
_She_ was the one who turned up late.  
_She_ was the one who had been to hard to reach.  
And _she_ was the one accusing you of wasting her time? Fucking really?

Seriously who does she think she is...thinking she could easily waltz in and out of your good graces,  
thinking she could go around treating you like shit and you would do nothing about it,  
thinking she could so easily be forgiven for trampling on your heart,

Oh yeah right she was Beca _fucking_ Mitchell; she could do whatever the hell she wanted to whoever she wanted, however she wanted it done.

As soon as you start thinking those thoughts, ranting (to yourself), you can't quite stop...every little thing that you used to push aside, all your little frustrations start coming to the surface.

* * *

twenty five minutes later

They start rushing, reminding the contestants to wrap-up their last minute preparations,

You overhear them calling Beca onstage, they send a runner to inform her.

Your anger hasn't quite disappeared, it's only slightly subdued by the quickly returning sense of helplessness, heightening your nerves, your fear.

The door swings open and Cynthia Rose and Stacie immediately go to you,

"Chloe...you have to tell her now."

Beca opens the door soon after, hurriedly beckoning you to come right in, you hesitate at the doorway.

"Chloe..." she calls softly coaxing, obviously having mellowed from her mood a while ago,

You aren't so happy with her right now, but she at least looks tame enough; looks like a reasonable enough person for you to be able to explain yourself to, to share your dire concerns with.

"Beca..." you begin, but once again you are interrupted,

"Miss Mitchell you are needed urgently on set.." a guy with a mohawk says,

"Now? I still have twenty-five more minutes on my watch..." Beca says, glancing briefly at her watch before her attention goes back to you.

"Fifteen minutes to go..." he says, showing the two of you his own watch "Your watch must be late."

"Oh shit...I didn't change my watch back... " she breathes, as she stops all her actions staring hard at you. You think you see a sliver of fear(of many other emotions) passing through her face, a slight falter of confidence, before she quickly gather herself together.

"Just give me...It's okay we still have time...I can fix this." Her eyes close now, trying to come up with a solution.

A cold wave of dread takes a hold of you, Oh god this was it...you were going on soon, and you have no options whatsoever.  
You had been so worried about not being able to perform one last time that you hadn't realized that it was a probability that you would get sent home either way, because there was nothing to stop you from totally sucking on this performance.

Beca quickly gets on her phone "Anna hey we need you ASAP! Okay come to the room...can you be the one to warm Chloe up? Yeah, I know...I owe you. Thanks."

The others are called to wait in the wings, "Girls you have to follow..." the two of them only have eyes for you, you shrug helplessly motioning for them to go on.

"Okay the two of you we went over this, you'll be fine... Kick some ass for me." Beca says, putting either of her hands on their shoulders, pressing her head close to theirs.

The two of you are left there, Beca's staring into the almost empty corridor, she keeps checking the time (on her phone now) getting more antsy each second she doesn't see the familiar dip dyed blonde head of her Vocal coach.

You know she wouldn't leave you- at least- not until Anna arrived, but you want to tell her to just go ahead (like she so obviously wanted to.)

"Chloe don't worry...It's going to be alright..I've been keeping close tabs on your sessions with Anna, she told me just the other day that you were more than ready ...So are there any concerns or is there anything at all that I can do to help you right now-" she says finally looking you in the eye.

You feel oh so very grateful for the concern, you almost feel bad for all the spiteful thoughts going through your head a while ago (see she does care) until she continues talking " -'Cos if not I have to get going."

"No, It's fine." you say biting back everything you were planning to say as you plaster on a fake smile, "Go."

"That's my girl! What am I being so worried about of course you'll do well." you keep smiling until she leaves...

* * *

So yes, you're angry with her and that anger coupled with your disappointment combined with everything weighing you down; the rumours, Jesse showing up and taking Beca away from you, you could say that it all contributed to what felt like now what you know to be your worst performance ever.

Looking back you just knew it would turn out that way,

The entire time it just felt wrong, you felt wrong, the control, the effortless high notes weren't there like at all.

_The last of Beca Mitchell's girls Chloe Beale,_

Your palms are sweaty, throat feels tight, you clear it once, twice...the lump doesn't go away.

Even Anna-after hearing you- had begun to worry, asking why you hadn't come to her sooner. You saw the fear in her eyes, heard it in her tone even as she had wished you good luck.

 _Something always brings me back to you._  
_It never takes too long._  
_No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.  
_

Your voice sounds too thin, too shaky for these normally easy to reach notes.

 _You hold me without touch._  
_You keep me without chains._

_I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your reign.  
_

You brace yourself for the actual high notes,

 _Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity._  
_Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be._  
_But you're on to me and all over me._

It comes out pinched, You're inwardly shaking your head at how forced it sounds.

Your eyes are shut, not because you're feeling the song but because you're concentrating hard on holding your notes,

 _You loved me 'cause I'm fragile._  
_When I thought that I was strong._  
_But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone._

It feels like the longest three and some minutes of your life, And here it comes the bridge with the high note..

 _I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on the ground._  
_But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go._

You take a sharp inhale in preparation,

 _The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me doooown._ You wince, that was harsh...your voice cracked sounding like some teenage boy going through puberty mixed with a dog howling.

You think you heard a gasp from the four chairs sounding suspiciously like Beca,

 _You're keeping me down, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah_  
_You're on to me, on to me, and all over..._

Your voice becomes wobbly now that your trying to stem everything, the pain in your throat, the shame.

_Something always brings me back to you._

_It never takes too long._

By the end of it, you're not sure who you're most disappointed with. You feel like you've single-handedly thrown your chance away, feeling that you proved Barb right after all.

You watch everything happening around you almost through a thick haze as Carson walks up the stage motioning you forward(he's patting your back comfortingly) to stand downstage with the cameras trained on you, filming your every reaction. You don't give them anything;your expression's pretty blank, you're only half paying attention to the comments, but they're all somewhere along the lines of:

"We all have our off days..."

"This wasn't your best performance but you can still make up for it."

"Sometimes the stress of the competition can get to you..."

Your minds being pretty random, not having any straight-forward line of thought...

You hope to God your family doesn't save this on the DVR. This isn't something you wanted to relive, but you're sure your cousin won't let you live it down. Wait, DVR, that's the least of your problems...think bigger, you're on a National televised show- no, not just that- a Internationally televised singing show where you just now sounded and performed like a complete amateur. Who are you kidding, there will always be a copy of this performance floating around on the internet, this performance will be attached to your name forever, will haunt you forever...what will your future grand-kids think, really grand kids you aren't thinking of your children first...they'll probably not even know what The Voice is...or maybe they'll rehash the show or keep it until it's like season 87 or something...

"I don't know exactly what happened," you hear Beca saying, as your mind tunes back in to what's currently happening around you, "but we all know of Chloe's singing prowess as seen from all of her earlier performances, remember when we first fell in love with her... the magic she brought in Eternal Flame and just the other week's Daydreamer. I hope the viewers keep this in mind when it comes time for voting..."

You can't stand to look her in the face so you focus elsewhere, soon Carson giving the signal for you to continue walking off-stage, you reach out your hands to the cheering audience half-heartedly.

* * *

"Chloe, what happened?!" says Beca who's quickly out of her chair and on her feet catching up to you as soon as you head into a commercial break, "You didn't hit that note you'd perfected during practice."

You're throat tightens at her general confusion, the disappointment lacing her tone. She's talking about that second practice ages ago one of the last ones she'd been there personally to oversee.

You can't bring it upon yourself to keep everything in if you stay talking to her any longer so you try not to give yourself away opting to remain curt, detached.

"I don't know. I'm just tired maybe. I think I'm coming down with a cold, or worse a sore throat. It hurts when I sing now," you say expressionless, blandly not bothering to raise your head to look at her.

"We have ENT specialist within call. I could have had Kimmy Jin call Doctor Gale over."

You know you had resolved to not say anything but Beca with her concern or you could say fake concern...it just does you in; shattering whatever resolve you had You can't really help the words escaping your mouth.

"So now you care..."

"Of course I care, I'm your friend." she replies almost automatically, her entire forehead's creased.

"You haven't been particularly friendly these days..." you mutter, but she still hears you, her eyes narrow she's immediately on the defensive,

"Right it's all on me, it's not like you don't come to me or contact me at all anymore unless it has something to do with rehearsals."

"Well it seems like I'm only good enough for you when Jesse's not around." you snap, she seems taken aback,

"What do you mean? It's not like that..." she starts to say, then she falls silent (seemingly gathering her thoughts) she breathes out heavily,

"What do you guys have against each other anyway? Okay fine, I know that you're being the good friend that you are hating on Jesse for my sake and I know it may be asking too much to give him a chance, but you both keep pulling at me and I just can't split myself to satisfy both of your clinginess. "

Her words are grating you on the inside, and your trying in vain to block her out. You're almost tempted to raise your hands to plug your ears.

"Can we just go back to the topic at hand here. Your voice, let's not talk about things that are not of importance. Severing personal from the professional. So just tell me what the hell happened. Was it the nerves, did you get thrown off by someone or something..."

You shake your head. Your eyes are screwed shut, you weren't going to cry- not now,

"THEN WHAT THE HELL WAS IT?" she roars, you jump and at the same time your eyes jerk open,

"Stop getting mad at me. I couldn't help it." you say, your surprised your voice isn't shaky,

"I'm not mad!" she says but the vein jumping around on her forehead says otherwise,

"You're shouting at me. If you didn't know, that's a sign that you're mad." Her eyes turn soft, but the worry lines don't quite go away.

"I'm frustrated, Chloe and worried."

"Yeah it could cost me votes, you could lose a girl." you say dully, you wonder how you could sound so calm, this was the beginning of the end of your big-break into stardom.

"I don't care about the votes, I care about you, your voice, what's happening to you and what you're going through. Because I'm your coach that's what I need to be worried about."

This time she shakes her head, now really sounding frustrated, looking imploringly into your eyes,

"And I wanted you to trust me with these kinds of things. You said we were friends and you couldn't trust me enough to tell me that you were having a hard time."

"I didn't want you to overreact." you say, though that was merely one concern amongst many,

"What?" she asks sounding incredulous,

"I was mad...I didn't want you to think I was weak, that I couldn't take it or make it without you...and I wanted to prove a point..."

"And what point was that?" now she just sounds plain confused, like she couldn't for the life of her understand how your mind worked.

"That I could take it, that I can make it even without you..."

"So what are you satisfied? Did you prove your point..." she asks her voice tight, like she was trying to reign in her anger, like she was trying to be oh so patient for your sake.

"No...I needed you, But when I did you weren't there I couldn't reach you...I tried to tell you a while ago..." you hear yourself saying, sounding so very vulnerable.

Her face clears up in understanding, turning shameful. She remembers what she did, how she sent you out.

"So it wasn't just today? How long has this been bothering you..."

"It's been getting worse..."

"Have you been taking care of your voice, keeping it rested...are you getting sufficient amount of rest. What about your diet what have you been eating lately..." she asks now being thorough in her questioning, trying to pinpoint what exactly could be causing your constant vocal troubles.

"Um..." She seems to get a lot from your short answer, she's coming to conclusions all by herself, shaking her head slowly in displeasure, showcasing her disapproval.

"Yeah...you never seem to eat on time, and you go into practice sometimes without proper warm-up..or hydration." now she's started she doesn't let up with her scolding, her berating... and it's making that overwhelming feeling of shame arise, you feel it spreading in your stomach, in your throat, behind your eyes.

"You seem to forget your health is what matters. Sure it's good to practice to improve one's self, but not that you compromise your freaking health, Chloe. You could have done permanent damage Chloe…What were you thinking?"

"Okay I wasn't thinking you, happy?" you shout, you push on completely disregarding the pain that follows, "That's what you want to hear, that I don't know how to take care of myself, that I'm irresponsible…" you say, not being able to hold it back any longer. You look away, breathing fiercely, biting at your trembling lip wishing for that action to stop it entirely from shaking.

You hear footsteps approaching, and you hurriedly try to compose yourself, try to look somewhat normal...you look up to find the same Mohawk dude from a while ago looking over in your general direction before he comes closer, hesitating, before Beca waves him over.

"What is it?"

"Miss Mitchell commercial break's almost over we'll be needing you back in your seat..."

You hear Beca's little groan of frustration,

"Okay I'll follow..." she says to him,

"Hey I want you to get a drink of water...calm down for a bit. We can resume this later..." and then she moves closer to you putting her hand on your arm slowly running along it's length, giving you chills (can she see the goosebumps erupting in it's wake) before reaching, taking your hand and squeezing it,

"Sorry." she says,

"I always feel like you're the one apologizing. But you're right, I should have gone to you-I trust you." you say squeezing back,

"I hope you know you can always trust me Chloe, I'll never judge you or at least I'll try my hardest not too, when it's not part of the whole being a judge on the show part." she says which makes you smile a little, "And I'm sorry I haven't been...more available, it's just now is a very confusing time for me with Jesse and you."

You get it- her dilemma, torn between conflicting duties: as your friend and as his girl... You had a similar dilemma on your part as well and more often than not you let your friend side trump your romantic side,

"I know you've been worried and stressed a lot lately that's why I gave you your space..." _That's why I was okay with you trying to run away from it, but I hate that you had to run to him._ "

You know that Beca should be leaving by now, but right now it seems like the two of your exist outside of everything else going on...

"Can we please just be back to normal... Jesse will be leaving again so..." she trails off, and you should be wary of everything by now..in truth, you are; you don't allow for your head to come up with scenarios, to dream of things, to interpret what she had just said to mean anything other than what it was,

"You'll be needing me to fill up the space?"

"C'mon you know that you occupy a different space all together. We didn't talk for days and I missed you terribly."

The heart was a different matter. The heart was such a strong, persistent thing wasn't it, not quite ready to give up even in the most dire circumstances,

"Same here.." you say at once, "-for both." you clarify,

Then there's the flashing of the red lights signifying that they were going to go on air,

"So I gotta run, the directors gonna kill me, that's if my father doesn't get to me first. So if I don't turn up later...call the police tell them one of them did it..."

"Okay"

"Later alright we'll this sort this out..."

"Yeah...go.."

* * *

After you drink water, you head back out behind the stage area to watch the others do much better.

Cynthia Rose had sung Lil Wayne's How To Love killing it, her raspy vocals giving the song much more depth.

Fat Amy's Do What U Want was phenomenal, she really was a Little Monster.

Stacie opted to slow things down with Mariah Carey's Touch my Body.

Bumper Allan had sung, Cee Lo's Forget You

Kori had sung Amy Winehouse's Back to Black

Donald sang or rather rapped Can't Hold Us

Luke was currently singing Cough Syrup,

 _Life's too short to even care at all, oh_  
I'm losing my mind losing my mind losing control, oh oh  
These fishes in the sea they're staring at me oh oh  
Oh oh oh oh  
A wet world aches for a beat of a drum  
Oh

 _If I could find a way to see this straight_  
I'd run away  
To some fortune that I, I should have found by now

_I'm waiting for this cough syrup to come down, come down._

_Life's too short to even care at all, oh, oh_  
_I'm coming up now, coming up now out of the blue, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh_  
_These zombies in the park they're looking for my heart, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh_  
_A dark world aches for a splash of the sun, oh, oh_

 _If I could find a way to see this straight_  
_I'd run away_  
_To some fortune that I, I should have found by now_

 _And so I run now to the things they said could restore me_  
_Restore life the way it should be_  
_I'm waiting for this cough syrup to come down_

 _Life's too short to even care at all, oh, oh_  
_I'm losing my mind losing my mind losing control_

 _If I could find a way to see this straight_  
_I'd run away_  
_To some fortune that I, I should have found by now_

 _So I run now to the things they said could restore me_  
_Restore life the way it should be_  
_I'm waiting for this cough syrup to come down_

_One more spoon of cough syrup now, whoa._

The next thing you know the show is over, your group of friends surround you,

"Chloe hey what's up?" Cynthia Rose asks,

"Are you okay...I mean obviously you're not but I'm just you know making sure..." Fat Amy rambles,

"What did Beca say..." Stacie demands, getting to the point.

"She said she'd take care of it...we'll discuss it later." you explain, and they all turn relieved. Yes, Beca would-could make it better, she had to...

"She'd take really great care of _you,_ you mean" Fat Amy says slyly, you roll your eyes though your smile creeps in.

"I think it's completely unnecessary, you could be leaving soon..." Kori says, and you feel like that hit came out of nowhere. Where did Kori get off saying that...

"No one asked your opinion Ko-ri..." Stacie spits out,

It was the truth but it didn't make hearing it any easier... now it's pretty loud and clear...you can't believe it, tomorrow you could be leaving all of this, all of them.

"I'm just telling it how it is, Chloe might get sent home because of her poor performance and there's nothing Beca can do to stop it." Kori says easily.

So much for her support and friendship. (You hadn't been so close as of late but you were always friendly with each other.)

"What is your problem Kori? Why are you deliberately trying to be a bitch..." Stacie remarks,

"Yeah especially when Chloe needs to be comforted right now." Cynthia Rose says, clapping your back. _Ooof that_ was rather enthusiastic,

"Chloe had this a long time coming...she was lucky those other times but now even sleeping around with the great Beca Mitchell can't get her out of this."

Your eyes widen, you can't believe you're hearing this...How dare she...

"I always suspected it but Barb was right after all...you guys confirmed it a while ago..." Stacie cuts across her,

"You don't know what you're talking about, so I'd better watch my mouth if I were you, you little sl-"

"Girls are you all waiting for me?" Beca says arriving, thankfully, to break the very terse moment.

"Yeah, the three of us are here for Chloe the other one can just... you know... piss off." Fat Amy says sounding truly menacing, Kori sneers before she starts leaving,

"Whatever, Good Luck getting out of this one." she says directly addressing you and a very semi-confused-mostly-irritated-looking Beca.

"You can go now..." Stacie says, dismissing her, motioning with her hand towards the exit.

"What's up with her?" Beca asks, frowning as she takes her eyes off of Kori's retreating figure.

"Doesn't even matter..." you say, not wanting for anything to provoke or upset Beca,

You were so damn tired of hearing and putting up with the same crap...but you were choosing instead to focus on the real pressing concern.

She doesn't quite let it go, her eyes remain probing, (but thankfully she's distracted) her phone starts ringing she checks the number, muttering a "finally", before raising a single finger for everyone to wait a moment. She moves away from the group before she proceeds to answer.

Minutes later she's still on the phone speaking urgently, for the most part her voice is controlled but later on she starts raising her voice,

"Doesn't sound so good..." Fat Amy mutters,

"You think?" Cynthia Rose snarks, still a bit on the edge from the whole unexpected Kori thing...

All this stress for nothing. It was just plain saddening that the fellow contestants couldn't get past the whole competition aspect of it, Why couldn't everyone just unite and help each other out.

"Who do you think she's arguing with..."you ask _,_ after pulling away from your own thoughts, _Please be Jesse, please be Jesse..._

"Kimmy Jin. No you listen to me..." _Drats_

Beca wanders closer,

"I need you to contact Doctor Gale Abernathy-McKadden,-yes it's for Chloe… No, not tomorrow, not later you do it now-that's what I'm paying you for…You'll get it done…Okay, thanks- She hang up on me again…I guess I shouldn't have shouted at her."

Beca says, staring ather phone before she pockets it.

"Getting back to it, what did Kori say...why did-do all of you look so upset?"

You shrug not wanting to take up the topic any further, the three of them-however-continue to exchange glances, nudging one another before Cynthia Rose speaks up.

"You know girls be hatin', she brought up the topic of Chloe possibly leaving tomorrow..."

"And how it was a total waste of time to still get her checked up and stuff..." Fat Amy further supplies,

Beca's face doesn't change, but she shakes her head,

"I like to deal with issues as they come...and for now it's Chloe's health that's on the line here...I don't really care about the competition when there's something more important at stake."

There's slow clapping that follows Beca statement,

"Totally agree..."

"You heard that Kori...Boom" Fat Amy calls out even though Kori had long disappeared from their sight,

"Hmm.." Stacie murmurs, "Well moving on from Kori's PMS-ing...what's the plan coach?"

"Uh I'm awaiting Kimmi Jin's call confirming if she had successfully gotten us an appointment...we'll take it from there."

"How long will that take..." you ask seriously. Beca sighs not looking particularly confident,

"Probably just a few minutes...or not... my assistant hates me...But yeah Chloe has to stay, the rest of you go home."

There's plenty of noise that follows; a testament to their extreme disagreement with Beca's instructions. Beca, however, continues unfazed.

"Get a good night's sleep...we still have tomorrow...then Live Rounds are back to the old schedule on Monday. Girls, look, I'm sorry to break the whole Chloe support team up... but we don't want the whole group to be exhausted tomorrow, do we?"

They're the picture of steadfast loyalty; stubborn, determined, arms crossed.

"What you can't make us..."

"Actually that's an order..."

"So who's going with Chloe..."

* * *

_Ten minutes later..._

 

Beca's standing outside a waiting room with you. She called in Kimmy Jin again and asked nicely for her to push her meetings for that day to a later time or early tomorrow…

It turns out Kimmy Jin's pretty efficient when the time calls for it.

"It'll be okay Chloe…"

"You didn't have to be the one to accompany me...I know you're exhausted."

Beca just slowly shakes her head.

"Of course you need someone with you now, Aubrey's not here and the others couldn't come so I guess I'll have to do." She gives you her hanky and you proceed to dab at your eyes.(somewhere along the wait you'd started becoming emotional, but the tears you think it's part of the whole being sick thing...you don't quite know how it got there.)

"Only because you ordered them to go home..." you say, hiccups lacing your sentence.

"Yeah, and because I'm remarkably getting through to my assistant...can you believe today-of all days- she actually does what she's asked...so I'm all yours for the taking..." she says sounding so jubilant and excited; it doesn't quite fit the moment...and yet you can't help feeling amused.

"Just my luck," you say wryly. Her eyes narrow,

"Hey, I'll let you know I'm quite a catch, ask anyone." she says,

"You are full of yourself sometimes." you say unsmiling, but she's smirking knowing you and your attempts to stop yourself from laughing so well now,

"I'm just reiterating what all the magazine articles list of 100 top beautiful, sexiest women, plus I'm smart too. The total package." she says so seriously that it does finally make you laugh aloud,

"Yeah, it's full of shit." you get out amidst your unflattering snorting,

"Maybe I should've let you go alone."she says now seeming truly offended.

You halt your laughter and try in vain to school your features,

"I was kidding…Yeah fine, your perfect. Anyone who ever didn't fall in love with you is seriously deranged." you say oh-so-mockinlgy, she rolls her eyes but smiles cockily,

"You got that right. Wait, are you admitting something about yourself," she says, proceeding to wriggle both her eyebrows.

"Uh what do you mean?"you ask, a little bit distracted by how insanely annoyingly cute that action is.

"You just said that whoever isn't in love with me is seriously deranged." Her smirk grows more pronounced. You feel yourself get more conscious.

You had just unknowingly admitted you were in love with her...did she make the connection...No of course not...

"Yes…and?"

"So you're admitting your crazy. I knew it" Crazy for you. Okay no she didn't get it…

"You're crazy…" you return feebly, and her smile actually widens further...

"That I am, but you're the one who's going to see a doctor, not me" she says cheekily, and you bite back.

"The doctor's an ENT specialist to fix my vocal chords. It's not to question my sanity."

"Well, Doctor Gale hates labels. She dallies in both, amongst other things. She isn't the most traditional of doctor's." she says and you await her normal tell-tale amusement to shine through but she looks purely serious. She looks almost unsure...

"You're letting a quack doctor touch my instrument?" you ask outraged, but then back is her infuriating smile...that you would totally smack off her face if you weren't so tempted to plant one on her.

"Yeah, I guess I am sort of crazy. No, kidding aside Chloe, Doctor Gale is the best. She'll know what to do and we can worry about how we'll work on getting you better."

* * *

The way Beca painted her was pretty tame to what you actually encountered.

Doctor Gail, blonde, beautiful, kinda cooky, tons of inappropriate language. She wasn't like any doctor you had ever encountered before.

She makes you sing out some notes, listening intently.

"You ever heard how cats sound when they're mating?" you freeze and almost don't reply.

"Uh no...why does it sound like that?" you do get out after a pause.

"No, but you know that crazy weird embarrassing twinge you get when you hear something like that...or like when I don't know have you maybe walked in on your parents doing it?"

"Ugh No.." you shudder involuntarily,

"Yup that was it exactly...so what I figure is that your singing voice is leaving the chest register and moving towards the middle register...and there's some notes missing..."

"Open up your mouth..." she asks, brandishing a long lethal-looking metal instrument,

"What you'll just stick it in?" you all but murmur, (afraid that if you open your mouth further she'll do so.)

"That's what she said..." she chuckles, while you remain unamused, she clears her throat and rearranges her expression. "No this is my handy flashlight,"

She shines the flashlight down your throat...she makes some tutting noises while peering down there..."okay so um from here I can see your throat is severely inflamed and that could mean a lot of things. It could be something as minor as a sore throat or it could be much worse..." She quickly retracts the flashlight,

"So how does one determine if it's you know-" you gulp, "much worse."

"I could try a scope; it's where I'll put a camera either through the mouth or nose, which can take video of the vocal cords and the surrounding area to see what's going on," she says.

"Wow that kinda sounds uncomfortable..."

"Nah, it won't be more or less uncomfortable as say...having anal sex...you know putting something where it's not supposed to go, but it's bearable enough once you've adjusted..."

"Okay...Um...that's a colorful way of putting it."

"but right now you don't really have to worry, your throat is coated with mucus and there's too much swelling, I won't be able to get a good look. I'll recommend to um go easy on the group performance tomorrow and I'll see you right afterwards. That's if you, hopefully, get in ."

"Thanks?"

"Don't mention it buh-bye."

* * *

"That was the weirdest Doctor's appointment I've ever had in my whole life." you say to Beca once you get out,

"Yeah she's sort of a loon but you know in a genius sorta way...but yeah she spouts some seriously inappropriate stuff...but uh so what's up? What has to be done?"

"She did some tests. I'll have to do a follow up tomorrow…"

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was so tempted to put everything down all at once, but I figure you guys need a breather (it feels like there's so much happening)
> 
> Keep a look out for the next chapter...this one I swear is the one with the you-know-what.
> 
> Lemme know what you think, reviews-as always- are much appreciated.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Chloe, please look at me."
> 
> You're twisting your face, your whole body trying to avoid her and her concerned probing eyes, glad for the thick red curls hiding your tears.
> 
> Everything hurts, your throat, your heart, and then when Beca finally holds you fast-- your lips, when her own finally cover yours.
> 
> Aka Everything falls to shit and then some.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: The last thing I wanted was for you guys to hate Beca...but it can't be helped she's a bitch these days, but she has her reasons which I hope to reveal in the next few chaps...
> 
> So yes this took longer to post than I had anticipated...I always seem to be at the stage of putting my final touches and then I do something like press backspace and then there goes all my unsaved work...and so I kinda cried bitter tears over my laptop before I got it together and started all over again convincing myself that I would make it even better than the last draft.
> 
> Forgive the gibberish...most of it's un-beta'd.

The instructions were clear, well, as clear as they could be coming from someone like Doctor Gail.

Basically you were instructed to take it easy, to avoid getting stressed...that meant pushing aside your many many qualms, that you had to stop dwelling on the possibility of you being eliminated and to go on like you still had a fighting chance...which you did technically, since you weren't out just _yet_.

And with that possibility, a jump in positivity...you decided to follow all specified instructions to a tee. You were specifically asked to not make any sounds for the whole period tomorrow meaning; No Whispering, talking, yelling, singing(definitely), and even the clearing of your throat was discouraged.

and you were definitely not allowed to have the following: No caffeine (coffee, tea,) No sweets, chocolate _This was particularly difficult, but you could control it._

But some of the other things that you weren't allowed to do, or were instructed not to do, you had barely any control over...like coughing, crying, sneezing. (The latter two, you really had to practice extreme amount of self-control.)

You were verbally and vocally maimed(at least temporarily), and so in order to be able to communicate with people; you went around carrying this whiteboard with some markers. (It was a particularly tedious affair, especially when you had so much to say, and you really couldn't intone how you felt while you were writing it...) Something the rest of the contestants- Bumper especially-got a kick out off...taunting you the rest of the day while you sat out group rehearsals with the Sound Crew. The coaches and the Music Director weren't present, they didn't have to be for this final run through.

So here you were annoyed, worried, restless, and to add to that... really hungry. (In pereparation for the examination later, you weren't allowed to eat anything solid...which really didn't help putting you in a better mood.)

And so try as you might, your usual just-ignore-him tactics weren't quite working, with nothing to do or say-you couldn't quite block him out...

"Beale, hey hey Beale...If I had sounded as bad as you last night I'd also blame it on some imaginary sickness"

Your girls want to come to your defense but you had written out in all caps for them to IGNORE THE BRUTE...SO NOT WORTH IT.

"Are you on silent protest, if anything... it should be our ears doing the protesting..." he guffaws, you see Kori biting back her smile.

You were falling of the high horse, feeling yourself failing your own instruction, feeling yourself loose your cool, letting him ruffle your feathers especially when he takes to imitating you.

"The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me Do-oow awoooo. Man that was painful-"

Well you were lucky you still had full use of your other parts, all you needed was your middle finger-brandished rather enthusiastically- to get what you felt across to Bumper.

The action's successful, shutting him up immediately.

The others immediately crack up.

That was rather satisfactory, it was rather crass (totally unlike you) but seriously, it was either that or throw the whiteboard at him.

You were having violent thoughts so often as of late that it scared you...but the feeling, being deprived of something you kept so sacred, something that was a part of you, that made you what you were- who you are... the thought of your once in a lifetime chance at your dream being taken away, quite possibly forever...Well, that scared you more than anything...

* * *

The Results show opening group number goes by without a hitch,

Stacie starts,

_Sing it out_  
_Boy, you've got to see what tomorrow brings_

_Fat Amy's teammate Roy starts singing (the guy was known best by his identifiers; he had long lustrous hair and an awesome 'stache)_

_Sing it out_  
_Girl, you've got to be what tomorrow needs_

You climb on stage with the rest of them. You move around mouthing the words to the song, and there's no pressure as you no longer had a solo...Cynthia Rose had taken it for you.

The Coaches are relaxed in their chairs with nothing much to do except to take it all in-well except for Blake who would be performing with his team later...to watch the group performances, the guest performers

and to wait...

Luke sings,

_For every time that_

_They want to count you out_

_Use your voice every single time_  
_You open up your mouth_

Then Amy, and Kori harmonize

_Sing it for the boys, sing it for the girls_  
_Every time that you lose it, sing it for the world_  
_Sing it from the heart, sing it 'til you're nuts_  
_Sing it out for the ones that'll hate your guts_

_Sing it for the deaf, sing it for the blind_  
_Sing about everyone that you left behind_  
_Sing it for the world, sing it for the world_

Then Bumper sings,

_Sing it out_ _Boy, they're gonna sell what tomorrow means_

Then Donald,

_Sing it out_  
_Girl, before they kill what tomorrow brings_

Then Courtney Lowe (16 year old, tall, blonde with green eyes) another one of Team Blake members, sings.

_You've got to make a choice_  
_If the music drowns you out_  
_And raise your voice every single time_  
_They try and shut your mouth_

The rest of Team Adam sings

_Sing it for the boys, sing it for the girls_  
_Every time that you lose it, sing it for the world_  
_Sing it from the heart, sing it 'til you're nuts_  
_Sing it out for the ones that'll hate your guts_

_Sing it for the deaf, sing it for the blind_

_Sing about everyone that you left behind_  
_Sing it for the world, sing it for the world_

Then Team Usher chants,

_Cleaned up, corporation progress_  
_Dying in the process_  
_Children that can talk about it_

Team Beca joins in,

_Living on the webways_

_People moving sideways_  
_Sell it 'til your last days_  
_Buy yourself the motivation_

This part was fun, everyone's rocking out, you could almost forget that right after there would be the final word that would put a stop to two of the artists The Voice run.

then Team Blake

_Generation nothing_  
_Nothing but a dead scene_  
_Product of a white dream_  
_I am not the singer that you wanted but a dancer_

Lastly,Team Adam

_I refuse to answer_  
_Talk about the past and rooting for the ones_  
_Who want to get away_  
_Keep running_

Then just the girls

_Sing it for the boys, sing it for the girls_  
_Every time that you lose it, sing it for the world_  
_Sing it from the heart, sing it 'til you're nuts_  
_Sing it out for the ones that'll hate your guts_

Then the boys

_Sing it for the deaf, sing it for the blind_  
_Sing about everyone that you left behind_  
_Sing it for the world, sing it for the world_

And in one joined voice, all of you sing the last few lines,

_We've got to see what tomorrow brings_  
_Sing it for the world, sing it for the world_  
_Yeah, you got to be what tomorrow needs_  
_Sing it for the world, sing it for the world._

* * *

_Let's see how our country artists fare with a group number with their coach, Blake Shelton._

_Singing DONE by The Band Perry...Roy Smith, Courtney Lowe and Fat Amy..._

Roy goes first slapping his guitar in accompaniment, Blake backs him up,

_You've been wearing that crown and tearing me down_  
It's been a while since you've treated me right  
You strung me along for far too long cause I never gave up the fight  
Until now

Blake takes over with vocals

_It's gonna hit you hard 'til you see stars_  
_It's gonna put you through a world of hurt_  
_Oh, I don't believe in getting even but giving what you deserve_  
_Oh my, oh my, huh._

Then Courtney _,_

_Mama always told me that I should play nice_  
_She didn't know you when she gave me that advice_  
_I'm through with you_  
_You're one bridge I'd like to burn_  
_Bottle up the ashes, smash the urn_  
_I'm through with you, la dee da_

_I don't wanna be your "just for fun",_  
_Don't wanna be under your thumb_  
_All I wanna be is done_  
_Done_

Then Amy goes in with a moon walk transitioning to a little body wave, before she grabs at the mic stand,

_You crossed the line too many times,_  
I'm gonna put you in your place  
You play with dynamite, don't be surprised  
When I blow up in your face  
Oh my, oh my, huh.

Then Blake joins in with Courtney for the chorus

_Mama always told me that I should play nice_  
But she didn't know you when she gave me that advice  
I'm through with you  
You're one bridge I'd like to burn  
Bottle up the ashes, smash the urn  
I'm through with you, la dee da

_I don't wanna be part of your fun,_  
_Don't wanna be under your thumb_  
_All I wanna be is done_

_(Done) with your selfish ways_  
_(Done) and all the games you play_  
_I'm through with you and everything you say_

_Ta!_

Then Roy and Amy

_Mama told me that I should play nice  
She didn't know you when she gave me that advice_

_Mama always told me that I should play nice_  
_But she didn't know you when she gave me that advice_  
_I'm through with you_  
_You're one bridge I'd like to burn_  
_Scatter the ashes, smash the urn_  
_I'm through with you, la dee da_

Then all four of them

_I don't wanna be your "just for fun",_  
Don't wanna be under your thumb  
All I wanna be is done  
All I wanna be is done

_Ugh!_

_Hey, hey, hey , hey ooh,_  
_I wanna be done (so done)_  
_So done (so done)_  
_So done_

* * *

_We have your results in from last night's performance..._

One by one you hear the saved names. You breathe a sigh of relief when one after the other, your friends names are crossed off the list of being eliminated,

_"Team Blake Shelton's Fat Ammyyyyy"_ roars, hoots from the audience.

_"Cynthia Rose...for Team Beca..."_ strong steady applause,

_"Luke Paxton...Donald...Bumper Allan all safe...and Team Usher survives to fight another round..."_ high-pitched screaming, mostly female.

_"Kori Stevens...from Team Adam Levine..."_ Steady applause,

_"Team Adam Levine standing strong here... that's all three of them"_

_"Just one more for Team Beca now that Stacie's in."_ hesitant claps, all of you are awaiting the final judgement...the final results for this week.

You had tried to be positive the entire day...disregarding the taunts, the negativity...the possible outing...but now here it is, it's actually happening-you were standing hand in hand with Courtney, and Roy...

"We have here a major upset for Team Blake with not one, but two of his warm, consistent country artists standing at risk of being eliminated...And we have strong, steadfast Chloe Beale who had one bad night...so who deserves to stay, who deserves the instant save from the public and who will be standing on this stage one final time."

Carson waits, giving time for the viewer's at home to start screaming their choices at the screen, for the studio audience to react appropriately...

Another pause, vacant silence before...

"Chloe Beale your time at the voice stage is done..." your breath hitches, your heart drops to your feet somehow it stops but you can feel it hammering, shaking your entire body.

You can't believe it...that was it...that was your last time performing on this stage...it was the end..

Carson continues smiling, you feel that urge to punch at something again...punching that smile off his face might do...but then he continues talking,

"-At least for today, you have been instantly saved by the most online Public votes...do you have anything to say to your fans who rallied behind you?"

_Did that really happen?_

Your feeling such an overwhelming rush of love and gratitude for the people out there who for some reason still believed in you. You feel the words bursting out, not ready to be contained any longer.

"Thanks...I know I sucked but thanks for your faith in me...I'm really-I'm trying to get better for you guys...thanks for sticking behind me." you say, breaking your code of silence, your voice coming out hoarse and tight. _Whew, get a hold of yourself Beale_ , _No crying._

"That was our very emotional Chloe Beale who's extremely grateful that she got in, but we still have to say goodbye to our two, extremely lovable artists, Courtney and Roy. Please give them a round of applause please."

You join the crowd, cheering them on harder than anyone, ignoring the twinge of pain as you do so.

The two of them talk into the mic giving their parting words; thanking their families-the support of their fans, promising that it wouldn't be the last you saw of them...

/

Offstage you exchange words of luck, parting hugs with each other. Roy advices you to "Keep staying strong, and to kick Bumper Allan in his parts to knock some sense into him..."

Courtney accepts your well wishes gratefully, whispering that she believed that _you_ could be the one to win.

* * *

"What did I say about talking or specifically not talking...?" Doctor Gail asks, stern and demanding. They're her first words to you when you check in for your second appointment.

"But-" her hands scramble to cover your mouth, to force the words back in, "No-NO...shush..." her eyes crazy,

Then her whole face smoothens back to being reassuring, doctorly.

"...rest...use the board...draw something if you have to..."

You do manage, after some level of difficulty to explain what had happened...

"Yeah, yeah I get it...I was watching too...you just had to thank your fans... Okay, let's get down to it open wide..."

"I explained the finer details of this yesterday but I am required by law or by that dumb oath to explain it in detail...so I will have to liken your comprehension skills to that of a mentally handicapped child-"

**That's very rude and offensive...** you write out,

" For the child or for you... Let's make a deal here. You can say-or write- what you want to me, and I'll do the same is that okay...I'm trying to establish basic trust and openness in our relationship."

She takes your inaction as a yes and she proceeds with briefing you.

"Okay, okay...the first part of this exam we call it the flexible laryngoscope or the "soft scope" which consists of the flexible fiber optic camera that I was telling you about, so I will insert it just there in order to examine them cords of yours. The scope will be inserted through your nose, which I will suction first to clear the gunk trapped in your nasal cavities-we don't want your boogers getting in the way-Also, I'm going to put some medication inside your nose so it'll dilate the nasal passage for a better view of the airway..."

**Camera, you're going to video it? Will I get a copy, and wait what will I do with it? Who do I show it to?**

"I don't know maybe... Beca." she says, looking like she wasn't so sure that you weren't actually a mentally handicapped adult, "You can do whatever you want with it, post in on you tube if you want to."

"How's your gag reflex?"

**Okay I guess. That's a weird question...**

She pushes on.

"Are you prone to nosebleeds?" You shake your head,

"'Cos I have to state it as a possibility...cover all situations" You nod in understanding,

"So let's start..."

From here on out, your life-your throat-was in her hands. You sit back watching as the Doctor Gail, (acting and looking more professional now, thankfully) moves confidently as she goes through the motions, the preparations.

Her hands move surely, siphoning out your gunk with this tiny suction catheter, then swabbing some foul smelling medicine up your nose...and later slowly, gently you see and feel her inserting the scope.

So yes it was mildly uncomfortable...you could assume this...well, having anything long and thin up your nose and down your throat could make it so.

Then a few moments after...

"Okay I'll try to sound serious here, because this is a serious matter.." she says, then chants to herself "cold, clinical detached..." over and over again.

**Go on then.**.. you write, then disregard your whiteboard completely "I'm waiting. Go ahead" you push, impatiently.

At first she looks like she wants to protest, but she lets it go and lets you talk.

"Do you want the bad news or the good news..." she doesn't wait for your reply, her voice for once losing that teasing edge-truly serious and grave "yeah let's just rip it off like a band aid...Bad news it is..."

"Hey wait- I didn't agree to anything yet..."

"But C'mon...take it...don't be a pussy on me now."

"NO I insist on hearing the good news first."

"Do you know what Vocal Polyps are..." she asks.

_Isn't that the...No-nothing. Isn't that something with tentacles or something._ You muse to yourself, before you mutter 'No...sorry'

"Okay. It's really bad. Well, the good news...is that you don't have those the bad news is that you have vocal nodules."

She presents some reading materials so you could familiarize yourself with the condition...

_Polyps can take a number of forms. They are sometimes caused by vocal abuse. Polyps appear on either one or both of the vocal cords._

_They appear as a swelling or bump (like a nodule), a stalk-like growth, or a blister-like lesion. Most polyps are larger than nodules and may be called by other names, such as polypoid degeneration or Reinke's edema. The best way to think about the difference between nodules and polyps is to think of a nodule as a callous and a polyp as a blister._

_Vocal cord nodules are benign (noncancerous) growths on both vocal cords that are caused by vocal abuse. Over time, repeated abuse of the vocal cords results in soft, swollen spots on each vocal cord. These spots develop into harder, callous-like growths called nodules. The nodules will become larger and stiffer the longer the vocal abuse continues._

"Yours is pretty bad. You really did a number on them it's all raw from all that singing in that high range that's out of your comfort one, from forcing them...and from your unhealthy habits." you interrupt her, throwing down the sheets of paper.

"Wait that's still Bad news, you can't give me bad news wrapped up in good news..." she picks up the papers unperturbed, she points at a part you hadn't read...

_Nodules and polyps may be treated medically, surgically, and/or behaviorally. Surgical intervention involves removing the nodule or polyp from the vocal cord. This approach only occurs when the nodules or polyps are very large or have existed for a long time. Surgery is rare for children. Medical problems may be treated to reduce their impact on the vocal cords. This includes treatment for gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD), allergies, and thyroid problems. Medical intervention to stop smoking or to control stress is sometimes needed._

"The real good news is yours can be fixed...it's not too late...we can have vocal therapy...but there's a catch... I don't think it's advisable for you to stay in the competition Chloe...the stress...the environment it won't help you recover..."

_Many people receive behavioral intervention, or voice therapy, from an SLP. Voice therapy involves teaching good vocal hygiene, reducing/stopping vocal abusive behaviors, and direct voice treatment to alter pitch, loudness, or breath support for good voicing. Stress reduction techniques and relaxation exercises are often taught as well._

"But this may be my last chance, my only chance..."

"Do you really want it to get so bad that we have no choice but to resort to surgery?"

You feel yourself taking in very short breaths-almost like your hyperventilating...the information slipping in and out...You had no idea it could get this bad. You didn't want to leave but you didn't want to loose your voice.

"You want to stick it out, I'll respect your decision...I'm just trying to warn you about what might happen...It's your choice- I promise to help you either way."

She waits for you to calm down before she asks,

"So what do you want to do?" her voice soft and sympathetic.

"I have to tell Beca..."

"You don't have to wait, she's standing right outside..."

* * *

"Hey I've been looking everywhere for you...I remembered the appointment-well no, actually... I forgot about it at first, but then as soon as I remembered I tried to get away as soon as I could-so how was it the appointment?" Beca rambles, still unworried and calm, jubilant, happy...She supposes you should be as well...you did just make Top 10.

"I'll, uh-give you guys some privacy." Doctor Gail says before leaving the hall. Beca looks at you, a question posed on her tongue,

"Chloe?" her face turns tentative, she sees everything now so clear on your face. One look, that's all she needs to know that something's wrong.

Her hand twitches, hesitating...Can she see how everything you were so sure of at least in terms of your abilities, your place in this competition is now uncertain. Everything is unsteady-toppling ready to fall, so close to falling to bits, so close to falling to shit.

"She said I have vocal nodules. She said it's not so severe, but if worse comes to worse they'll need to operate."  
You are wrecked, inconsolable. This could mean the end of everything all your dreams.

"Oh Chloe."

Beca looks conflicted, but she pulls your body into hers, tucking your face into her neck, knowing that words aren't enough to comfort you right now.

Somewhere in the back of your mind you should be jubilant- this is the first time out of your whole friendship that Beca has willingly and unrestrainedly initiated physical contact. In the beginning, there are some personal boundaries some way of acting that you can't really do when acting on a professional level, but you're a naturally touchy person to begin with and that's like going against your nature, so you always find yourself hugging, touching Beca without quite meaning to or without realizing it.  
Who after one wry comment that- the term personal space doesn't really apply to you huh? - doesn't really mind it anymore.

But nothing registers. You could be losing everything, all from a surgery.

Your shoulders are shaking, wracked with the sobs your holding in. You can't quite get words out anymore... You haven't felt such a lost this deep, this real, this hard since your grandfather died.

Your practically dry-heaving when the damn you'd been holding up for so long finally breaks. The tears flow uninhibited.

Beca all the while is shushing you, pulling you even closer.

When you start to feel something really soft and warm, you feel her lips, which had been whispering consoling words into your ear traveling across the width of your face. From your eyelids, to your cheeks, your nose-You stop when it registers. You both stop and stare at each other, her eyes have also teared up but that's not what strikes you. You see something reflecting back at you there. Something almost like want. You know it's not in your head this time...this time she goes for the kill...your noses are touching. Your breathing speeds up when her eyes glance lower at your lips and then licks her own.

_Oh my god._

Your trying not to blink it away. No way this could be happening. You were crying your heart out and now this... You want to say something, anything but even Beca seems to be frozen at the moment, her eyes locking with yours and then shifting back to your lips. She then moves impossibly closer you can see how moist how wet, her lips are...She lifts her hand to cup your cheek, her hot breath on your lips.

Your heart rate's picking up, your eyes fall close, everything is happening so fast. Your head, everything round you is spinning and Beca's the only thing holding you steady. You have a feeling, that you are finally going to find out what Beca Mitchell's kisses taste like.

You think one more moment and you would've known. That is until Bumper and his goons burst in and then Beca jumps away from you like she was struck by live wire.

"What do we have here?" He wouldn't dare comment about anything else, but Bumper's eyes are sparkling with mischief.

You are too stumped by everything that almost happened that Beca does the talking. Her eyes are jumpy, her voice uncharacteristically high.

"Allan, Chloe's had some bad news so I suggest you lay off-of her alright?"

"Yeah yeah of course we will...wouldn't want to get her panties in a twist, oh wait...we don't really do that for her, do we? Isn't she all vagitarian? Bumper says, sneering.

Beca immediately jumps to your defense,

"It isn't any of your business what she's into...and seeing the available selection of meat-none of you cut it. How can we say this-your lacking in the most important parts..."

"What about you coach what's your preference these days?" Donald says, after Bumper nudges him. Beca's face turns ashen.

"Asshole leave her out of this...Have some respect for once." you bark. Beca thugs at your arms. You aren't sure if it's to hold you back or to remind you that you aren't supposed to be pushing your voice.

"Oh how cute, girlfriends protecting each other." You are not sure Luke meant it in a malicious way, but for Beca apparently that was the last straw-she flips.

"I have had it with the three of you especially you Bumper, Didn't your coach ever teach you to Mind your own fucking business...JUST LEAVE US ALONE! Now I have been letting this pass for far too long-I'll have a word with him and your behavior...Better idea let's go see him right now." She all but marches them out,

"Beca." you weakly call after her,

She doesn't even look back seeming to have forgotten about you.

* * *

You watched a recent interview with Beca. She had guested in one of the Late Night shows, she talked about her working tirelessly on some ideas for her upcoming Album (It's still in the works but I have a pretty clear idea where I want it to go.) and answered questions about Jesse (The most loyal person anyone could ask for) and inevitably the Voice coaching experience. (It's not as easy as it looks, that's for sure...but I enjoy working with the contestants.)

The interviewer makes a quip, " _especially the red-head ey?"_ You see Beca tense over, (it's quite subtle, only a perceptive observer would detect it)it's in the twist of her mouth, the flash in her eyes. But her smile doesn't let up.

"Yeah she is one of many very talented artists in the show. It's really difficult this season, they keep getting better and better-but it's always fun to work with such dedicated, hard-working individuals."

"So your relationship with your other contestants it's fairly the same?"

"I try to cater to their needs... I can be their coach when they need me to be and their friend and confidant outside of the competition."

"Has it ever happened...that the relationships on set could bloom into something more outside the competition?"

"In our show? Well...looking at it from an outside perspective it could happen. I'm sure it has happened before, the contestants the staff, everyone-I think in general...in any television reality competition show go through a lot together-it's a very closed environment we all establish strong bonds with the people involved, a lot could go down..."

"Yes a lot has gone down for you behind the scenes, hasn't it?"

"You could say that..." her tone clearly wanting to move away from said topic. She softens it by offering a small smile,

"I'm lucky I have family on the crew with me at all times to keep me...grounded reminding me who I have to be."

* * *

What did you do wrong? This wasn't even your fault.

For days after the incident Beca has gone on not quite ignoring you-what's new? She tended to do that.

Apparently, she had problems of her own.

She's irritable and edgy during practice and when she's not she's quiet, withdrawing into herself...Maybe it was because she had other things preoccupying her thoughts at the moment,

She hasn't been having the most peaceful-stable week either with Jesse leaving, and running into little arguments with Usher over the boys, as well as with some of the staff, and most recently getting into a great big argument with her Father.

* * *

You are left weak, lonely and left wondering, the only positive side to your week is that Aubrey's finally back. You never got to make time to go back home (even though you really wanted to especially after everything that happened).

The first thing you do, as soon as you hear the lock turning is run into her arms.

You bask in her full embrace..into the arms of someone who wasn't afraid, who didn't care how long she held you, who didn't care what others would think of her for it. She holds you tight patting your back,

Aubrey knows everything, she may not quite understand it all, but at least she was here for you now when you needed her.

"You wanna talk about it?" Shake head.

"Do you want me to kick her ass?" Shake head,

"What do you want me to do?"

"Don't leave me again."

/

Minutes later the two of you are cuddling, face to face on the bed this time, she's filling you in on the holidays at home. She's talking about what went down after she had gone over to watch the Live Rounds at your place.

"So I kinda tackled Janet after she remarked that you wouldn't be lasting much longer in the competition. She was on the other side of the room, seated on the La-Z-boy but I kinda leaped over everyone and landed on her-overturning the chair." she says

You start laughing the image was priceless...

"I couldn't help it, I was so tense and nervous for your sake and then she wouldn't close her big fat mouth and I lost it..."Aubrey's trying to keep a straight face, but you know she doesn't regret it at all

"Wow I'm glad I missed that...What did the rest of the family do?"

"Yeah they let us wrestle it out, I think they all wanted to shut her up. I was the only one with the guts to actually do something."

"I'm sure they had wagers who would win..."

The two of you are on a roll, on a laughing fit.

"No they knew who would win, they just sat back and enjoyed it while it was happening."

"Did you apologize after?"

"What do you take me for, a Posen never apologizes especially when the opponent totally deserved it..."

You quirk your brow not taking her seriously.

"Well, I did but only because your grandparents made me...I have a feeling they were doing it just to set an example. I could've sworn that your Grandma Spencer winked at me afterwards."

"You think you've had it bad...Well I used to think my cousin was the worst but lemme tell you the people in the competition can give her a run for her money. Most of them are all blood-crazed-head-fucking asses."

"Yeah..." Aubrey says sobering up a bit, her laughter slowing. She sits up while you remain lying down.

"There's Bumper-freaking-Allan who I'm sure even his own mother can't stand. There's Kori who did a complete one-eighty, and then there's Beca who can't even figure out what she wants from me...It's pathetic...they're all pathetic, she's-they're all crazy."

You're still laughing hard to the point that your sides ache, that you feel a tear spilling over one eye.

You look at Aubrey and her eyes are soft,

"As much as I missed you, we both know who you really want, no _need_ \- to be talking this over with." you lower your eyes,

"She won't talk to me, she won't even openly acknowledge anything...she keeps doing this..." you say.

"Then confront her, stop letting her do this to you. Where's the Chloe Beale I knew who demanded things out of people, who didn't question her motives for doing things, who did things just because. The one who trusted in herself, who could take a stand. Who didn't let people crap on her."

"I dunno.." she pulls you to sit up,

"Let me tell you where she is, she's in there...underneath all of that mush Beca Mitchell turned you into. Look, I want you to suck it up Chloe, stand up straight-" she then gently pushes you with her leg to get out of bed, "and march over to Beca and demand that she explain herself..."

"But Aubrey...I don't feel like going in today, I'll call in sick or something." you whine. Her face doesn't give, only hardens...

" _Chloe_ don't make me kick your ass all the way to the Studios."

* * *

So you do go, even though you'd rather curl up in Bed and be all mopey.

But Aubrey won't allow this defeated, down trodden version of you in the house any longer...She all but kicks you out with a cheery, "Have fun today!" her way of saying just get it over with today.

You go to visit Doctor Gail, and she's got Anna with her who Beca kept on the show to work on your vocal therapy.

Beca was supposed to go with you to your consultation today. Kimmy Jin's the one who tells you (when you do get through to Beca's number) that she's preoccupied with something at the moment.

/

So you thought the whole actual soft scope testing was weird, it was actually weirder watching the video it took. The three of you Anna, Gail and yourself sat down in front of this gigantic screen (it was almost like a movie, Beca wouldn't enjoy it even if she were here...Gah stop thinking about Beca dammit) reviewing the video all slowed-down to take note of all your bad habits, pointing out the spaces for you to improve on.

Dr. Gail had insisted you come in for vocal therapy, or vocal rehab so you could work on it right away.

She advices you to set aside thirty minutes for these exercises everyday.

"Usually start with harder-consonant exercises, like 'gee' or 'gug,' as these help get the cords closed and strengthened," she says. Also stay away from breathy exercises..."

You were told at the last session (when Doctor Gail had come back after Beca left with Bumper) she relented that you could go back to speaking, all you had to do was practice moderation when it came to it...she left you with the quote "Don't say a single word for which you are not being paid." or in other words no more speaking other than when absolutely necessary.

Your relative voice rest involves a period between 4 and 7 days using your voice no more than 15 minutes in each 24 hour period.

* * *

So you saved your voice for conversations that were actually worth it. Like you would rather save it for talking with Stacie, Cynthia and Amy who would be coming over to your house later after practice rather than wasting your time, and your voice trying to instill some sense or decency into Bumper. (It would suck up all your energy just trying to penetrate his thick skull.)

But all your plans at relaxation (reserving your speaking voice for later) goes out the window when you see Beca, your coach who's supposedly too freaking preoccupied with her own problems, strolling aimlessly down the hall...walking towards you, then past you.

"Seriously why are you ignoring me? Don't tell me we're back to that now?" you speak softly, but your voice travels she looks up and her eyes are blank.

"Wait sorry did you say something?" she asks like what you said had gone over her head. Like she had been so out of it-involved in whatever it was that was plaguing her and her thoughts- that she hadn't even seen you.

"Where were you? Where have you been?" you ask and its a question addressing what happened just now and everything else.

How she was there-she was present but her mind always seemed to be somewhere else.

You take the time to observe her...and it's like you barely recognize her-to put it frankly, she looks like a mess. Not just her physical appearance; her eyes bloodshot, her hair unkept, clothes rumpled. But she looks so tired, like she'd been carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders.

She pauses, before she replies. Her eyes clear a bit, she seems to have gathered her thoughts before asking.

"What did the doctor say on your last check-up. That was yesterday right." She's still ignoring what happened? Fine, so can you.

You don't bother to correct her, everything seems to go past her...

"She said that there are both invasive, and non-invasive treatments we can look into before resorting to surgery." you say, your voice tight... you want to clear your throat but you can't, you can't even cough or do anything like raising your voice or speak monotonously...

It's freaking frustrating...and you really can't be feeling frustrated right now.

You take a little breath to calm yourself then several more breaths to steady yourself out.

She stops and looks you in the eye for the first time in over a week. "How are you really? What's on your mind?"

"I'm scared, like you know already. I get so depressed whenever my voice wavers, when I struggle over notes that I usually can sing without batting an eyelash-that I could do in my sleep. And worse I don't have my trusty mentor, my best friend isn't around so much anymore, disappearing off the face of the earth." you say in a normal tone, baring everything you'd been thinking and feeling.

"Aubrey flew out of the State again? I thought she just arrived."

"What, no…She's at home very busy on a case, but I-I meant you…"

She looks touched, almost overwhelmed her eyes burn into you for a moment, but then she lets out a sigh almost sounding like frustration.

"C'mon Chloe, I've got a lot on my plate...with writing, brainstorming creative ideas for my new album. It's taking a lot of my time, and I need to work with the others as well. People already think I'm showing you favouritism enough as it is."

"Is this because of what almost happened?" You're finally putting everything out in the open, addressing the proverbial elephant in the room.

You're daring from your own actual courage(that Aubrey seems to have ignited) and not because you have alcohol in your system.

She has this look you can't quite place, it's enough to make you back away, "I didn't-I didn't mean-" for you to feel the momentary burst of courage start to wane.

Along with all this events you can't help but be helpless. Your tone is wavering, giving you away, you're on the verge of crying again.

Beca starts glancing around quickly before she pulls you into the closest room. Okay, it's more like a janitor's closet or something, but its pretty roomy. She find a switch, but little good it does. The room is filled with a dull yellow.

You feel safe in the semi-darkness, taking her in for as long as you want.

From the little that you can see from her face, she's conflicted. You feel her tension filling you with a nervous buzz. Something big was coming on, you can feel it. She can't stand still. She's pacing around in the little space that there is.

"What do you want from me Chloe?" Beca asks when she finally stops to look at you.

"I want you stop running away from me, I want you to share what's been bothering you I want you to be my friend and trust me, lean on me little."

You don't know how this became about her again, but you figure if you could get her to talk to you, to tell you what's going on her head maybe you could fix... whatever this is between the two of you...

"They're called personal problems for a reason, you have your own to worry about-it's not fair for me to put this on you as well."

_Why does she keep doing this, Why does she get to decide._

"Just stop pushing me-people away. It hurts them when all they want to do is be there for you."

_You needed to get it across to her, that you were there for her. That you could only get through this leaning on each other._

"Stop talking Chloe you might hurt yourself, don't hurt yourself now, or say something you'll regret later on."

"As much as you'd like to think it you can't do everything by yourself. You're not that strong, you need people around who care about you, and you need me."

She's rolling her eyes and it just spurs you on further. The angers there on your part, what did she say about how she used to test people, to push them to see who would stay, well you were getting tired of it. She's been pushing you for far too long. You could only take so much.

"Do you like it that you're so successful at keeping everyone away that no one sticks with you?" you say slow and harsh

"Look around, Beca, you have no family, your fiancée's never here. I'm all you have left."

Beca's face becomes pale and really angry, really fast. You don't even recognize her when she advances upon you. It takes everything in you to not run to not back away.

You feel cold, realizing too late that you've said exactly the wrong thing but you can't take it back now.

"You don't get to say that to me. Did you think I was some poor, sad celebrity…Oh she's so rich, she's famous, she's got everything; the whole world eating out of the palm of her hand, but she can't be content."

"I wasn't saying that!"

"No, you've said your piece now it's my turn to talk."

"I don't need a psychiatrist, I don't need people who think they can control me or my life or my choices…I do not need anyone. Not my father, not Jesse and most especially not you. I don't need you. I was- I've been fine before you, I'll be just as fine when you're gone." her voice hard, her gaze unwavering.

You actually start to back away, inching yourself away from her. You're trying to suppress the emotions of anger, hate and sadness threatening to come out. You suddenly feel so weak, you try to drown out everything else.

"Did you think you were that special, after this competition I'll forget you even exist!"

And then everything stops, you stop backing away, your breath's catches; it feels like your heart stills for a moment...

You've always thought this, some little insecurity you've held. But, hearing her, hearing Beca actually saying it cuts deeper than you imagined.

She's hurt you before-unknowingly- but now, she knew exactly what she was doing.

With how much you've shared, after all this time, this is what she really thinks. It takes as little as one whole sentence to erase everything that happened, everything shared between the two of you.

Your eyes are welling up fast and your mouth is doing that twitchy thing were you can't control the trembling and it's giving you away. You've always tried to show how tough you are to Beca, but now it doesn't matter.

She can see how weak you are, how weak you truly fear, she's made you.

You can't be strong right now.

She winces, seeing your face. You can't even muster the strength to mask how you're truly feeling this very moment.

"Chloe, I'm sorry. I got mad…I didn't mean..."

Her own mask of anger-of everything else finally gives way, but you don't even have it in you to care any longer.

You shakily get off the ground, feeling everything breaking inside of you. Your hand reached for the door handle to leave, but Beca's warm hand covers yours.

"No, wait. I don't know why I said that. It's not true. I need you, you're my friend, my best friend."

She turns you around to face her.

"Chloe, please look at me."

You're twisting your face, your whole body trying to avoid her, her concerned probing eyes, glad for the thick red curls hiding your tears.

Everything hurts, your throat, your heart, and then when Beca finally holds you fast-- your lips, when her own finally cover yours.

They burn and its madness. She kisses you like she can't quite help herself, like she's been holding herself back all of this time.

The moon and the starts collide, the whole galaxy's alight.

There were many scenarios that you had in mind. The when and the where was always changing, your altar in now a janitor's closet and her declaration of love is actually as declaration of hate? but the kiss, her kiss it goes against everything she's been doing prior to this.

You finally know after years and years of wondering what Beca Mitchell's kiss feels-tastes like.

Her kisses are tender, hot and they burn; it's madness-mixed with a hint of anger, confusion and desperation…it's hard, sticky and wet. You can feel your tears flowing and you're not alone, Beca's crying as well, her tears mixing with your own.

Her hands roam everywhere one grasping your nape pulling you closer, trying to get a response out of you, you think.

You are too surprised, a bit shell-shocked to kiss her back-but then you do, pushing into her. Your kiss, your body fitting into the grooves of her own, pinning her against the wall. Your lips taking hers in, responding with a fervor, licking, breathing, biting, tasting her...It's all too much, you're thinking this is what a good kind of being electrocuted feels like. You're feeling everything, everywhere all at once.

Almost as quickly she pulls away. You're both breathing hard, your lips are tender, your whole body reeling.

And once again you end up staring at each other in the room that, just a second ago was filled with raised voices-now it's a silence filled with all the words left unsaid

You're still smarting from what she said, but Beca had just kissed you, everything had just officially fallen to shit. You can't go back now.

You see a shift in her eyes, there's that look again. You recognize it now, it's fear. She's pulling away from you again. You're not sure if you can handle her trying to get away from you a second time, especially after what just happened, it doesn't answer anything at all.

"Beca..." you croak out.

"I have to go." She leaves the room, running. You had wanted to get out of the room as fast as you could just a while ago, but now you sink to the floor, laying trembling fingers to your swollen lips, the only proof that the kiss had really happened.

"What does this mean?" You speak aloud in the room, waiting for answer that won't come.

Like you needed another unsure thing in your life. Everything's confusing. You're afraid of what tomorrow will bring- you're content to just stay here.

Benji finds you still sitting there moments later. How he did, you're not exactly sure… He sits with you for a bit, talking about this and that. He finally coaxes you out of the closet and into one of the cars. He gets in as well and gives your address to the driver.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *peeks out from behind computer screen glances around cautiously and breathes a sigh of relief* please don't kill me, hit me back with your reactions (hopefully none to negative) No it's okay- yeah I like hearing what you guys think...
> 
> don't worry you don't have to wait too long Beca will be held accountable for her actions especially if Aubrey and the girls have anything to say about it


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So they kissed and then what? Chloe is a sloppy, mopey mess. Beca's in denial and Aubrey's hella mad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But never mind that I have to say a few things (I'll try to keep it short)
> 
> First and foremost I am so very overwhelmed and thankful to each one of you for all the Kudos and Comments especially for just the support-for the patience sticking it out with my dumb old story. I know it's taken a while "trying to figure things out" but here I finally have something to show for it.
> 
> So this is actually one really long chapter that I divided into three; I was considering posting the way it was 17000+ words so far- but I wanted to give you guys this-I think I've kept you waiting long enough. I'll load them within a few days of the other.
> 
> End of speech-yes that was long sorry.
> 
> Shout out to nii4itu and to my awesome Beta waatp-I couldn't get this far without you. Thanks

 

**Part 1**

"We have for one of our group numbers; Kori Stevens, Cynthia Rose and Luke Paxton singing Tainted Love with Coach Beca Mitchell." Carson's saying.

The version's all slow and drawn out, almost jazz-like ... the staging is set so the three girls are surrounding Luke. They flank Luke with their hands placed all over him, his chest, his shoulder, as if they were trying to lay claim. Luke starts out the singing; crooning as he snaps his fingers in time to the music.

 _ **Sometimes, I feel I've got to ..**_. *snap snap*

_**Run away** _

_**I've got to ...** *snap snap*_

_**Get away** _

Then the tempo picks up, the audience can feel the beat change as the singers prepare for the main part of the song.

**F _rom the pain you drive into the heart of me_**

**_And the love we share_ **

**_Seems to go nowhere_ **

**_I've lost my light_ **

**_For I toss and turn, I can't sleep at night_ **

Kori takes over with Cynthia Rose backing her up.

**_Once I ran to you (I ran)_ **

**_Now I run from you_ **

**_This tainted love you've given_ **

**_I give you all a boy could give you_ **

**_Take my tears and that's not nearly all_ **

**_Tainted love (Ooh)_ **

**_Tainted love_ **

Then Beca's singing, stepping out on the stage in front of Luke, walking away from him as the other girls follow.

_**Now I know I've got to** _

_**Run away** _

_**I've got to** _

_**Get away** _

_**You don't really want any more from me** _

_**To make things right** _

_**You need someone to hold you tight** _

_**And you think love is to pray** _

_**But I'm sorry I don't pray that way** _

Cynthia Rose starts this time Kori takes the backing vocals. Luke walks up to them while they ignore him.

_**Once I ran to you (I ran)** _

**_Now I run from you_ **

**_This tainted love you've given_ **

**_I give you all a boy could give you_ **

**_Take my tears and that's not nearly all_ **

**_Tainted love (Ooh)_ **

**_Tainted love_ **

Luke easily turns Beca towards him and then Beca and he begin to sing together.

_**D** **on't touch me please** _

_**I cannot stand the way you tease** _

_**I love you though you hurt me so** _

_**But now I'm gonna pack my things and go** _

_**Touch me baby, tainted love** _

_**Touch me baby, tainted love** _

_**Touch me baby, tainted love** _

_**Touch me baby, tainted love** _

Beca pulls away from Luke as the three girls fall in line with one another and they sing.

**_Once I ran to you (I ran)_ **

**_Now I run from you_ **

**_This tainted love you've given_ **

**_I give you all a boy could give you_ **

**_Take my tears and that's not nearly all_ **

Luke sings strongly while the girls back him up. They begin to back into the dark shadows of the stage, melting into the backdrop and exiting as they sing.

**_Tainted love (Beca Ooh's)_ **

**_Tainted love (Cynthia Rose Ooh's)_ **

**_Tainted love (Kori Ooh's)_ **

Then to finish the song, they sing together.

_**Tainted love** _

"When The Voice comes back we'll have Chloe Beale taking the stage." The announcement rings out.

* * *

The lights dim in the studios, giving permission for simultaneous chatter to start throughout the studio.

You breathe sure and slow, you're all set.

You are waiting in the wings, already warmed up. The nerves are there but you are getting used to them now. You have done everything you can to prepare for this, given the current circumstances. Your voice still isn't at its strongest but it is the best it has been for a while and you can feel the strength returning with each passing hour.

It's strong enough not to waiver, not to break. The methods Anna has been teaching you have seen you take it easy; you can no longer feel the strain or feel the need to push to be heard.

You have worked your butt off for this and you deserve to be here. You feel confident that you will do well. You are getting yourself into the zone where you push everything else that has happened aside for the time being and you find yourself focusing on the stage.

"Three minutes till we're back on. You ready Chloe?" Benji asks, as he walks by offstage where you're alone in your own space, hidden, seated far away from everyone else, from the judges and from the other contestants. The distance helps to keep you calm, it's one of the techniques you've been taught and it has served you well to remember that meditating and time out is all it takes.

"Yeah okay ..." You say, offering a little smile. He stops, stares at you for a second before he walks up to you.

"Are you alright, is there anything I can do?" He asks, before crouching down on his haunches. Benji was such a dear and he'd been extra attentive as of late; but ever since he found you in the closet, he'd been cautious; treating you like some injured little creature ... you'd be annoyed if you didn't appreciate it wholly.

"I'm totally okay ... just going through everything in my head." You speak quietly, still determined not to overstrain your voice any more than necessary.

"I'm sure you've done that a million times ... I promise you, you've got this Chloe, you'll be awesome."

"And you know this ... how?" You ask, conscious of the little tremble as you voice your question, giving away that little slip of fear or worry; you aren't sure what it is but it's little and it's still there.

"Because you always are ..." He says, and you smile a little at his blushing.

"From anyone else, I'd give them crap for saying that but coming from you ... that's really sweet thanks, Benji ... thanks for everything ..." You say, grinning before you pull him in for a quick hug.

"No problemo." He smiles once you let go.

"Is everything alright here?" You hear Beca speak and you see her standing right there. You inhale sharply as you find your heartbeat is gathering speed for an all too different reason. She's stares at you, her deep blue eyes penetrating your brain.

You feign disinterest, not willing, not quite ready to acknowledge her presence just yet.

"Benji, you mind if I steal Chloe for a moment?" Beca asks but she is looking at you. You are still not ready to meet her in the eye.

"Uh?" Benji hesitates, looking between the two of you.

You nod, showing him that it was okay. Benji hugs the clipboard to his chest and awkwardly takes his cue to leave.

"So ... um ... I'm sorry. I know you don't want for anyone, especially me, to interrupt your pre-stage meditations ... but I had to see you ... I wanted to wish you well-" Beca says.

"-Beca, stop. Please just stop." You interrupt her, you can't handle this at the moment, you are about to go on stage, and you have only just about got your nerves under control.

She backs away from you, hands raised in mock surrender and you hear your cue to take your position. You cast an eye over your shoulder as you stand on the taped cross on the stage. You can't read her expression as she moves to take her spot at the front of the platform.

"We have Chloe Beale performing Stacie Orrico's 'Stuck'." You look out to the audience but see nothing but bright lights. The crowd hushes as the music begins.

**_I can't get out of bed today_ **

**_Or get you off my mind_ **

**_I just can't seem to find a way_ **

**_To leave the love behind_ **

**_I ain't trippin_ **

**_I'm just missing you_ **

**_You know what I'm saying_ **

**_You know what I mean_ **

**_You kept me hanging from a string_ **

**_Why you make me cry?_ **

**_I tried to give you everything_ **

**_But you just gave me lies_ **

As you sing, the little slivers of fear leave you and you catapult yourself back to the events and all the drama that had transpired over the past few days.

* * *

You barely remember leaving the studios three nights ago; you vaguely recollect getting into a car and slipping onto the spacious back seat. You spend the entire ride to your place in a haze; you're drifting in and out of your numbed silence, speaking only to give little directions.

All throughout the ride, Benji; your car buddy for the night, attempts to initiate conversation, to get down to what happened but it's rather pointless and pretty much entirely one sided, your reaction's and your speech is limited to sounds posing as actual words, your actions are mere shrugs.

"How's therapy going, I heard that the vocal nodules ... that's what you have right, vocal nodules?"

"Mhm." You say.

"I heard that it can still be relieved, as long as you opt to not abuse your vocal chords any more, and take other healthy measures ...?"

"Ffmrf."

"Anna's a really good vocal coach, but I'm not sure I've ever heard her doing vocal therapy, is she any good?"

"Uhuh." You force a smile.

"That's good ... how was your first session?"

You move your hand in a "so-so" motion.

His questions are all harmless, and safe, you really don't mind him talking as it's a distraction from your innermost thoughts. But then his questions gets closer and closer to what you're so desperately trying to avoid thinking about.

"Can I ask what were you doing in the janitor's closet?" He asked gently, raising his left eyebrow at you to soften the question.

And you refuse to go there because confronting everything will let you feel it all over again tenfold; the anger, the hate, the loneliness, the confusion, then the desperation, longing and abandonment. It was a glimpse into what you could have had; it was a hope that you couldn't allow yourself to have. Not if you wanted to continue being in the competition, not if you wanted to maintain your best friend status with Beca.

"Did you get locked in? Or get lost or something?"

You sigh when he doesn't let up, doesn't catch on to your mood.

"Did Beca have something to do with this ... with you being like this?" He presses on.

You glance at him; you open your mouth to say something, anything that'll stop all the questions. Something along the lines of: "Please leave me alone." or maybe just a simple "SHUT UP!"

But you close your mouth and continue to just look at him for a long time; he starts to grow uneasy and breaks the stare first. He finally seems to get it. He stares out of the window, finally quiet.

A couple of minutes pass by just like that and you watch the buildings and the scenery become more familiar.

Instead of comfort now the silence is causing everything to echo around in your head. "Did Beca have something to do with this … with you being like this?" You're surprised yourself when you break your own silence.

"You could say that ..." You get it out loudly enough. Benji is startled out of his own window watching.

"Sorry, what?"

"You could say that ... it's my answer to the last of your many questions."

"Sorry. I did it again, didn't I? I'm really sorry-"

"-Stop saying you're sorry! I am so fucking sick of it!" You find yourself shouting, not knowing where that sudden surge of anger came from or really, just not being able to rein it in, to control it any longer. You're taking short little breaths after to calm yourself down, to steady your now sweaty, shaky palms.

Benji struggles to right himself up; he's sprawled on the floor having jumped away violently to protect himself from your wrath.

"Um ..." He's thoroughly shocked and at a loss for words. You offer your hand to help him up.

He takes it but he's keen on maintaining his distance; taking the seat closest to the window, the furthest away from you.

"It's all good. Sorry about that outburst ... it wasn't really meant for you ... that was just a backlash. Thanks for the concern, really Benji, but would ... would it be okay if we just continue this ride not talking ..." You see his face fall and you add more words. "Can we just talk about ... anything else ...?"

You pause for a second thinking of a topic of conversation (that was far away from anything The Voice related) that would be interesting enough to engage Benji and keep you sufficiently distracted. And then like lightning, an idea strikes you.

"What are your thoughts for the upcoming Star Wars film?" His eyes light up, and you know you've struck gold; it'll be enough to get Benji talking for the rest of the ride.

"Well I'm excited for this promo they had where they encouraged fans to send in some videos and the best would get to actually be in the movie ..."

"Let me guess you sent one in ..."

"Of course!" he says looking almost offended anyone would ever doubt that he hadn't.

"I think I've heard of that promo before ... oh yeah, I saw it in one of the Big Bang Theory episodes ... Howard sent one in. So what did you do in your video? Did you dress up?"

"Nope, I did my super up close magic ..." He says, bumping his fists together before flourishing his hands grandly then taking out a piece of cloth from his coat sleeve then shaking it, letting little petals fall out, and then he pulls out an actual flower.

"Wow." You comment. "That's actually really good."

"Wait for ze grand finale ... Tada!" He shakes out his hand but nothing comes out. "No, wait ... TADA!" He waves his hands and then stops, opens up his coat and checks his inside pockets, then starts rummaging through it revealing a little hidden compartment from where he's taking out little knick-knacks in the process ... rings, a coin, a wallet.

"Huh! I must've left the bird in the other jacket ..."

"How long do you usually keep it in there ...?" You ask.

"A magician never reveals the secret, the little complexities to his tricks ..."

"You should if it concerns animal rights ..."

"Hey, I'll let you know I take good care of my bird!" Benji says loudly and it's your turn to be stunned into silence.

"I keep it clean, I wash it when I can, I try not to overwork it. And I don't keep it confined for too long ... it only stays there for the duration of the session when it's being used for like five minutes tops. If it were up to me, I'd let my bird loose, I'd let it out freely ... for everyone to see."

You'd always found it amusing whenever Benji got into his little impassioned speeches but this was a whole new level of ... you can't even breathe with the laughter you're holding in.

"Good to know your proud of it son, we've all felt that way at one point or another." The driver says, and Benji colours, realizing what he'd said and how he said it and how it could be misinterpreted. "But uh, we're here ..."

You finally burst out laughing, that was pure gold. Benji gets out and quickly moves to your side of the door and opens it.

"Loud and proud of your bird-tending skills eh Benji?" You tease, and he smiles and rolls his eyes. "That was pure gold, I tell you!" You continue to let out little laughs, before you get out and give him a friendly hug.

"I'm glad I could make you smile and laugh again even if it's at my expense ..." He says when he pulls back. You continue to laugh, and he joins in for a while but then suddenly turns serious "... it's the least I could do to make up for my insensitivity a while ago." He says and that sobers you up a bit, letting your thoughts stray back to what happened, still you let the half-smile remain.

"Well. I am really glad for your friendship, thank you for everything; the ride, the little talks, the concern, the patience and even for the unintended comedic moment. I appreciate it, really."

He smiles in return before getting back in the car, sending a little wave your way before slamming the door.

"See ya Benji." You wave back and watch as the car pulls away.

* * *

The car had pulled up and dropped you off right outside the house and you see several familiar silhouettes by your window. You almost groan out loud. You'd almost forgotten you'd invited the girls over. Funny, they got there earlier than you.

You are so not in the mood to talk, let alone entertain anyone right now. Never mind that these are your people - your friends - you want to keep everything that happened to yourself, the last thing you want is for them to over analyse every single word spoken, every moment ... you don't want to relive that event.

It's too confusing. It's too frustrating. It's too heart breaking.

But you don't want to kick them out either, the best solution you could come up with; just pretend everything's normal, play along, do the normal hangout things, gossip for a bit, have a few drinks, have some laughs then tell them you weren't feeling well and had to retire early to sleep. They'd understand, knowing of your condition and Beca's insistence that you get plenty of rest.

You're clambering up the steps when the front door bursts open. All of them are there, even Aubrey. They usher you quickly up the stairs and into your apartment.

(You were wondering how they had gotten in; you had even considered the idea that perhaps Stacie had used one of her nail tools to pick the lock.)

But, apparently Aubrey had skipped out on work that day; she left because she didn't want to bump into her father who was overseeing the case she was supposed to be working on. (She was on your case just that morning about manning up and going to work.)

"So Chlo, what took you so long?" Cynthia Rose asks. "We started eating-"

"-and drinking!" Fat Amy adds laughingly, gesturing at the wine filled glass in her hand.

"Yes, and drinking … without you." Cynthia Rose says, leaning over to pluck a spare glass from the table.

"Of course you did! Glad to know my roomie was very accommodating ..." You say, patting Aubrey's back as a little thank you, she rolls her eyes with a 'no biggie'.

"I was hoping to get here earlier to prepare everything … but-" You pause, violently pushing away the thoughts of what had kept you behind, you close your eyes for second, trying to clear your head before continuing. "-what time did you all get here?" You ask, looking around at them.

"Me? Just under five minutes ago ..." Fat Amy says, and you glance at her already empty glass, she catches you looking. "Had a rough day with Blake. He's been grillin' me like a Beef Loin Porterhouse ..."

"I'm assuming that's bad ..." Stacie states, (she's vegetarian ... ironic, seeing how much she liked meat).

"It's a lot of heat for just one piece of meat I'm telling ya." Fat Amy laughed.

"Tough break, hang in there ..." You say.

"Well Stacie and I have been here for almost two hours, about 4ish I guess ..." Cynthia Rose offers.

"I got off early." Aubrey quietly says.

"Wasn't Coach going to end all the practices early today? Said she had something to be working on - her album or something?" Cynthia Rose asks, looking between Stacie and you.

You shrug before you leave to pour yourself a glass of wine and take a sip, trying to avoid answering any more questions.

"Were you able to see her for the … you know-" Aubrey hints rather blatantly.

"-I went to the check up by myself ..." you say, purposely ignoring it, choosing to speak instead about the video and the exercises Anna had taught you.

"So it's all good? You'll be able to sing for the upcoming Live Show?" Fat Amy asks, and when you nod, there are cheers, whistles and claps all around, except from Aubrey who's still staring you down.

"Did Beca say anything when you talked to her about it afterwards?" Aubrey asks, "Did you even talk to her at all?"

You raise your eyes to meet hers and silently wish she would let it go.

"Or did you just let her get away with her irresponsibility, her complete disregard towards you as your coach."Aubrey continues, oblivious to your soundless pleas."You let her step on you again didn't you, didn't you?!"

"Yes, we did talk and yes I did tell her!" You grate out. "And you know what little good it did me … so much for honesty ..."

"Why, what happened ...?"

"What's up with you and Coach?" You hear the inevitable question being asked.

"I don't really feel like talking about it. I don't feel like talking any more ..." you make to stand up-to move away from them but you're kept seated by Aubrey's hand around you wrist pulling you back down.

"Now you know that's only going to make us want to know more ..." Stacie says, and you let out a loud, weary sigh. This was justwhat you had wanted to avoid.

"Why are you acting like this? I'd understand if you were angry or frustrated if your talk hadn't gone the way you'd planned it to but ... you're acting all defeated, so something else must have happened …?" Aubrey says.

You glance up and you should've known that was the wrong thing to do; they can see through you, see it so very clearly in your eyes (weren't the eyes the window to the soul?) ... what did they see? Did they see a shrivelled up hollow version of you reflecting in your depths.

"Something that neither of us planned ..."

"You kissed." Aubrey says, sounding so sure. Seriously, she got that from a look?! You raise your eyes to her again and see something darken in hers.

"Wait, so that's why you look so rejected, you initiated the kiss but then she shut you down - that BITCH!"

"She ran away ..." You say dejectedly.

"Like I said, that BITCH!" Aubrey said, her face flushing pink.

"No she kissed me … and then I kissed her back -" You begin, trying to explain.

"-Wait, what? Who kissed who first …?" Aubrey interrupted.

"Chloe kissed Beca and then Beca shut her down." Stacie said, decidedly.

"No, you've got it wrong! Beca kissed Chloe and then Chloe kissed Beca and then Beca got cold feet and pulled away." Fat Amy reasoned.

"That actually sums it up perfectly." You say.

"Oh ..." They say simultaneously, and everyone settles back into the chairs.

You knew the momentary silence was too good to last.

"So what was it like?" Cynthia Rose asked.

"Was it a peck? Was it wet? Was it a full on make out? Were there teeth? Tongue? Grabby hands?" Fat Amy reeled off question after question.

"Was it hot?" Stacie asked. "I'm pretty sure it was hot; Beca seems like a good kisser … and your chemistry together it's off the charts … I wish I had been there to see it."

You are forced to recount everything word for word; line for line ... just to get them off of your back.

Throughout the story you can sense Aubrey's burning stare; while the other girls are all out fan girling, having all the feels as they call it ... oohing and ahhhing, sighing, and even crying. Aubrey pulls you to one side when you get off the sofa to refill everyone's glasses. You can tell by the look in her eye and the way she flicks a few strands of hair away from your face that while she is annoyed by what she just heard in the living room, she just wants you to, no needs you to be OK.

"Chloe?" Aubrey starts as she takes the bottle from your hand and she pours it into the glasses.

"Yeah." You answer lazily but with no intention to talk to her, you head back into the lounge with the glasses and the conversation still taking place.

"I just can't." Fat Amy says a bit overwhelmed, fanning herself with what looked like some of Aubrey's legal papers.

"See ... Beca's been feeling the same way this entire time ... we have proof now it's not just in our heads ... thank you Chloe ... it's on."

"Bechloe is the endgame."

Aubrey's on her feet, there's a look on her face that you recognise but can't place. It's calm enough, her hands are steady enough but her eyes are burning brightly, intensely when she starts speaking.

"You're all forgetting that this girl stormed out, left Chloe crying, broken on the floor without once looking back! She kissed her, then took whatever she gave Chloe away like the selfish, arrogant, entitled child that she is."

She faces you then as she continues talking, slow and deliberate making sure you hear every last word.

"She not only took something from you, she ran away like a total coward. And you know what? I want to see what a coward looks like when she has nowhere else to run, when that someone who's chasing her won't let her off so easy."

It takes you a minute to process all that's been said, to register that Aubrey's already on her way out of the apartment, having grabbed her coat and purse from the small nook by the front door and she's down the stairs and heading towards her car.

Oh shit!

Yes, you did know that face, you knew it really well, as did all the other prosecutors, criminals and offenders and anyone else really who had ever been pitted against her.

There was a flurry of activity and several bodies scrambled to get off the sofa at once. You run as fast as your legs allow you, and fall short just as she pulls away from the curb. You get a glimpse at her face; she's wearing her court room face, the same controlled, but doggedly resolute, expression that she has on whenever she was getting ready to step into court. When she was determined to win a battle.

"Shit's about to go down ..." Fat Amy laughed as she lumbered up beside you. "... there's a hopped up blondie who going to give Beca a smack down for treatin' you like that!"

"Quick! Phone someone! Anyone! Somebody better alert Beca ..." Stacie laughed, patting her pockets for her phone.

"This is serious." Fat Amy suddenly said, the smile dropping from her face. "I may sound like I'm joking … but seriously what I'm saying is not funny half the time. I just said 'there's a hopped up blondie who's going to-"

"-We need to follow Aubrey! She's going to tear a strip off Beca. Is anyone sober enough to drive?" You ask, slightly panicking at Aubrey's intentions.

All three girls shake their heads.

"I'll call a cab." Cynthia Rose offered. "Um … while you get your coat?"

You hadn't realised you were shivering and weirdly were without your shoes but you just wait by the kerb as Cynthia Rose calls a cab, ignoring the cool air and the dampness under your feet. You could deal with that later. Within a matter of minutes all four of you have bundled yourselves into the cab and are heading back towards the studios.

You hear raised voices as you approach the coach's offices. You can hear Aubrey's tell-tale authoritative tone ringing out across the studio and the four of you happen across an argument between Beca's assistant and Aubrey.

The girls shrink back into the shadows, not used to the malevolence in Aubrey's voice when she was vexed, deeply upset or defending her best friend. You were left to listen to the entire conversation. Well, you say conversation but it was more Aubrey pointing an aggressive finger towards Kimmy-Jin and barking, who to her credit was keeping remarkably calm, despite the obvious presence of a stink eye aimed in Aubrey's direction.

"... I just asked if it was possible to see the great Beca Mitchell, if she was free to talk to us common folk …"

"She's a very busy woman and she's pretty hauled up … and cannot see you today and as I already said, there's nothing I can actually do." Kimmy-Jin said evenly, her eyes fixed on Aubrey. "She's, uh, actually already left anyway ... though I'd be happy to relay your message in the morning, when she is back on the clock."

"I don't care what you do to get her here! But call her up! Text her! Go and fetch her! I don't care if you have to push Beca out of your own vagina … I am going to speak to her, right now-"

"-Aubrey!" You hiss, making your presence known. Your chastisement is enough to jolt her out of her rage; to remind her of her position as a lawyer in a respectable firm. She visibly gulps as you take a step forward.

"No, you know what …" She speaks calmly to Kimmy-Jin now. "... thanks for your help or whatever this is. Just warn your boss that we will be having a chat and soon, she can't avoid this forever …" she says remembering herself, pulling herself away right on time before the security people were alerted.

She whips around and charges past you. Kimmy-Jin glares at you before turning and leaving you even more confused than you were just a moment ago. You follow Aubrey out of the studio and she motions for you to get in the car. She doesn't speak, even when she notices your lack of shoes and you suffer the ride home in silence. It was only after arriving back at your apartment did you remember the other girls but a quick check of your phone confirmed they had headed back to their respective homes.

Aubrey's withdrawn, her stony contemplative eerie silence extends far longer than you've ever encountered before. You would have been fine with her screaming, but the complete silence is quite unnerving.

She doesn't even say anything as she retires early to her room; even her door is noiseless as it closes.

* * *

You were dreading getting out of the bed the next day. Not only was your head thumping but the ball of fear sitting low in your belly didn't disappear during the overly long, very hot shower you took or the piece of toast you forced down your throat.

It only got worse when you actually arrived at the studios … and you're face to face with Beca. You are trying not to physically tremble. When did you get so pathetic about all of this?

You can't even begin to act normal because really nothing is anymore. The tension's palpable between the two of you; Cynthia and Stacie stand in as buffers, keeping the conversation flowing well enough.

The two of you don't directly acknowledge each other unless you need to and even that was limited to "yes" and "no". You couldn't look her in the eye … and every second within her presence reminds you of everything leading up to what had happened.

The whole day seems to drag on but still, for the most part it is pretty uneventful and you quickly settle in to what has become the norm for you.

The last thing to run through was the group practice with the rest of Team Adam, Usher and Shelton that you performed in front of several of the Executive Producers who were visiting … but you sigh happily when they call out "It's a wrap for today, see you tomorrow group".

You're just glad to get through that one day unscathed.

You think you were finally given a break, the promise land of relaxation and a warm bed was so near. But just as you do feel the relief starting to settle in … you hear the beginnings of a commotion outside, you hear screaming and your blood turns cold. You close your eyes. Getting through the day unscathed my ass! You can feel that it's gonna be bad. Because that scream … it is Aubrey's. It's her raised voice, her loud, angry voice that's getting closer and closer.

And then the door opens and you wince seeing your best friend flanked by not one, not two but three security personnel trying to restrain her.

The girls, including Beca are all staring at you now. And you're completely frozen. Aubrey had pushed it too far this time.

"I just need to talk to somebody, it's urgent!" She says, trying to wriggle out from between them.

"Ma'am this is private property and a closed off area and non-Voice related personnel are not allowed in here …"

She actually puts up quite a fight, these muscular men have to work, actually breaking a sweat as she wriggles, and slips pass their grip several times until one of the guard's resorts to putting Aubrey in a headlock.

"You will see that you unhand me sir, you have no idea who you're dealing with-"

"Oh believe me we have an idea; you're one tough little missy … and we don't mean you any harm but it's for the protection of everyone present … I'll loosen the hold if you promise to … oof ..." His speech cut short when her elbow catches him hard in the middle.

You know you should probably be stepping in to handle the situation but you're feeling totally overwhelmed by it all. You've only ever seen her fight like this once before, she isn't usually this physically aggressive but she certainly seems to be acting defensively. You realise you should have bitten the bullet and forced her to talk to you last night so that she didn't feel like she had to take it upon herself to be the one to fix things for you.

"Wait, what is the meaning of this?" Cameron asks, stepping forward from the small crowd that seems to have gathered, watching the drama unfold. The security guard releases Aubrey from his grip but lays a firm hand on her shoulder.

"It is okay guys; I'll take care of it." Beca reassures them. "It is all just a misunderstanding." She's stepping in closer, trying to handle the situation, attempting to block out the conversation from the company bigwigs.

"Clearly it is … because last I checked you had a prior engagement and now I hear you're busy hanging out in closets …" Aubrey leans over and whispers, just loud enough for Beca and the people in close proximity (mainly her girls) to hear.

"Aubrey what the hell?" You can hear Beca say under her breath. "Can you not do this here please …?"

"What? Afraid that everyone will know?" Aubrey says loudly, looking straight down into Beca's eyes.

"Know what?" Bumper asks as he snakes his way to Aubrey's left side, leering and looking excited. "And Miss? Are you single? Because I sure am and that … that was hot! We should get together sometime ..."

"What do you want?" Beca finally asks, directly her question straight to Aubrey, ignoring the confused and curious stares around her.

"Just a few minutes of your precious, precious time are all that I need." Aubrey says. She doesn't mention you by name or pertain to what happened but she quickly glances your way, making brief eye contact before she subtly motions with her head for you to follow. You begin to take a step forward, as if to follow, but stop after you notice she then puts her hand up, gesturing for you to wait before you do so.

After things have settled down and everyone around has dispersed, you excuse yourself before following the direction in which they went. You check the rooms and happen across them in the last room at the end of the corridor. You peek through the little glass section of the door.

You tense, scared at what you'll find but there's no fighting going on, they are actually conversing. You listen closely, keening your ear towards the door.

"You know that you and I were okay already, bordering on friendship, I believe." Aubrey says, quite calmly, looking at Beca without a trace of malice. "But you've really fucked this up big this time Mitchell … and while I would rather bitch slap the pretentious crap out of you, and seriously that's what I came marching in here to do, but the whole struggling gave me a moment of clarity, I do realise that wouldn't do anything. It won't fix things between you and Chloe ..."

You watch as Beca lowers her eyes to the floor.

"... what the two of you need is to talk it out." Aubrey continues to speak. "You have to man-up here and … and say it to her straight. The thing is ... I know that you care about her in your own way and that everything is messed up but you owe it to yourself as well to be truly honest. You need to have that heart to heart, cards on the table, candid talk between the two of you to clear things up."

Beca's eyes snapped up to meet Aubrey's, and you can see the realisation dawning on her face.

"You are lucky that I say things as they are." Aubrey hasn't quite yet finished speaking. "Chloe hides behind several layers of trying to please everyone, and just genuine kindness … and she doesn't deserve this-"

"-Okay I'll talk to her … we'll … we will talk. I'll get this straightened out. But will you stop trying to barge in and harassing the poor security guards …?"

"That's all I wanted to hear."

/

"So you wanted to talk …?" Beca says as she pushes a hot cup of coffee in your hands. She came to find you about half an hour after Aubrey left the studios and you couldn't help but notice the extra creases of concern around her eyes. She looks tired but you brush those thoughts away. She pulled up into one of the practice rooms, locking the door behind you both. You stare at your paper cup for a while, noticing that she remembered you liked it strong and unstirred with just a splash of creamer.

"I don't see how we have anything else to do with each other …" You look down and your face flushes as you remember all the things you had done with each other.

"You could have asked me yourself Chloe. You didn't have to set your lapdog on me-"

"-Really?" You snap, suddenly so unbelievably sick of this whole thing. Why did emotion have to be so hard? Why did Beca not seem to understand? "Would you have started the conversation? No! Because the way we've been all day … and the way you have been speaking to me for days now, avoiding me whenever you could, I really couldn't see anything like that happening! And because it's YOU … because ... because it's you, we don't get to talk about feelings, do we? We both know how emotionally unavailable you are-"

"That's not fair-"

"Not fair? How is it not fair?"

"I've been busy! Busy; working my ass trying to have control over everything, trying to keep everything together; making sure that everything is okay. And with all things I have to be worried about I need to add trying to keep this thing between us amicable."

"Really … are you delusional? I'm not like you; I can't pretend everything's okay when it isn't! And you know you're the one who made this awkward for us, you're the one who put us in this position …"

"How do you figure that one?" Beca asked, tilting her head to one side.

"You kissed me remember? And it wasn't just a peck, you wanted it! You liked it and you didn't pull away. So why do I feel like you're blaming me ... why can't we be together?"

"I'm not gay Chloe! You're a contestant on the show and more importantly, you're my friend for Pete's sake. And ... and I have a fiancé." Beca adds, almost as an afterthought.

"Do you usually kiss your friends? Well, it's funny that since Jesse left for London, you haven't mentioned him. Not once! You tend to forget all about Jesse whenever he leaves and you only mention him when necessary ..."

"I was feeling lonely, you were there ... I guess we've been spending so much time together that maybe I thought, I imagined that I was feeling something for you."

"Stop lying! You know what, I can deal with the shit you keep pulling, but don't you dare deny what happened as a fluke, or that it wasn't real. I'm so sick and tired of you doing that ... own up to it for once. Do you like me or not?"

"I can't like you that way Chloe. I can't." This time her tone is firm and you can tell she is no longer kidding, not like when you were drunk. But the same question comes out of your mouth anyway, something you hate yourself for; you hate that she makes you this vulnerable.

"Why not?" You ask, ashamed that your voice sounds so weak and needy.

"I just can't." She offers nothing else. "It can't happen and it won't."

You want to ask her 'can't' or 'won't' as you do believe there is a difference, but you realize with her, it was one and the same. She would never return your affections and that was that. You feel so pathetic waiting on someone who you knew wouldn't ever do anything about how she felt ... she's driving you crazy, you hate how you can't shake it off as easy as she can. You hate that you have loved her for all this time, following her every move for years. But worse of all you hate how much it hurts that she doesn't seem to love you back.

**_Every now and then_ **

**_When I'm all alone_ **

**_I be wishing you would call me on the telephone_ **

**_Say you want me back_ **

**_But you never do_ **

**_I feel like such a fool_ **

**_There's nothing I can do._ **

**_I'm such a fool_ **

**For you**

* * *

This is pretty light compared to the next few chaps-stay tuned for Part 2

Part two preview:

_That good mood lasted until the second hour of practice. You were determined to ignore the fact that the almost ethereal glow about Beca that morning was causing havoc with your heart. How dare her hair be so shiny? Why did she look so rested and well?_

_She looked like she didn't have a care in the world as she stood by the piano interacting with Stacie. If you thought about it hard enough, it could have been mistaken for flirting; well you don't blame Stacie she was normally flirty, that's how she was with everyone but there's Beca flirting right back. You wonder if she was doing this on purpose._


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beca's a twat. Chloe's fed up and still they have to show up to work with each other like evrything's okay. Nothing's okay.
> 
> Part 2 of the angst-fest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I'll offer no excuses and let you get on with reading it; This was an extreme labor of love made by me and my amazeballs Beta Corinne to whom I owe getting anywhere at all with this chapter. I hope you all enjoy it-or not hate it too much!

You spend the rest of the night, hauled up in your room, headphones on; listening to mindless beats, feeling sad, empty and if you were totally honest, more than a little angry. You don't even bother to switch on the small light that's perched on top of your nightstand. You welcome the dark. It matches your mood.

No, of course, you were furious. Because you were freaking _fed_ up with everything. You were so over everyone attacking you, making you feel horrible, so tired of the overall situation; of you being the constant plaything of the fates, the one that gets the short end of the stick. Every. Single. Time.

You thought, at first, that maybe it was normal; you know that everyone has their fair share of bad luck and tough times but now, it seems like the whole world is out to get you … like they were throwing everything they could at you.

Nothing's going right and it sucks that this - Beca not liking let alone not _loving_ you - is what makes you feel that way because when you think about it … there are far worse situations to be in; like having an incurable life-threatening sickness with only days left to live or having been robbed, or being kicked out of your family home because you couldn't afford to pay for it.

But to feel like your life is ending over something as comparably insignificant as the person you love not loving you back, that _should_ sound downright laughable compared to everything else.

The thing is, it does feel like you've had an incurable sickness, (a 'Beca Bug' if you will, that keeps coming back) and it felt like you'd been living with it and now it was coming to an end, you feel like you'd been robbed of all your time and effort, all the emotional strain that you invested into it. And then you were just left with nothing for yourself with nothing … nothing even to hold on to. In short, you feel like you've just _wasted_ your time.

Your mind starts to wander back to when everything started to fall apart; when you started the downward spiral and you can pinpoint it to when you first got into this competition, it was when you met her, when you became friends with her.

Maybe there was a reason why those fantasy crushes were supposed to remain as such, because the _idea_ itself was what was so beautiful about it in the first place. Because never in this world would the dream match up with reality. Because the Beca Mitchell that you had concocted in your mind simply wasn't real.

She wasn't that girl, she wasn't the love of your life. She was just the face you pinned to this picture perfect dream relationship that you'd been too scared to try and find in real life.

Maybe this was the world telling you that you weren't supposed to meet Beca. She was supposed to remain an ideal to you, something just out of your reach. Something that you would remember with fondness, that would make you laugh at yourself in the future, that you would reveal about yourself in a conversation with someone you wanted to share yourself to and have a connection with. It would be an amusing tale to tell your kids. How their other Mommy had some real competition, her first major crush on a celebrity. And as they got older Beca would be the poster child for explaining knowing the difference between how it felt like to have an infatuation and real love.

But even as you enter the normal safe threshold of dreams, settling into peaceful slumber, even there you can't escape her.

The one who's fault all of this was.

* * *

By the morning, however, you made up your mind that you wouldn't let this mere blip on your timeline bring you down, this was just a bump in the road to getting where you wanted to go.

You can't wait for the competition to be over, to have her out of your life. You vow that you are going move on from this and from her.

You entertain yourself coming up with some ideal scenarios; fantasizing that you are in a better place with a distinctively brighter future for yourself.

_"Yeah, you know I was shut down by Beca Mitchell when I was just starting out-"_

_"-Wait, who?"_

_"Beca Mitchell … she was really big back in the day; won every prestigious award, 5 Grammy's. She had the record for most musical related awards at the time."_

_"Huh, but you're the one with the record now ..."_

_"Oh yes that's right … I almost forgot!"_

_"Wait a minute, could you spell Beca? Is that two c's?"_

With that thought setting up the good, slightly crazy, upbeat mood for the day, you swallowed down the bad feelings, put on an extra layer of lip gloss, fluffed your hair a couple of extra times and walked out of your bedroom with a smile.

* * *

The sun is shining, evidentially matching your mood. You sing gently on the ride to the studios. You smile and thank the driver and you pass the time of day with the security guards posted at the various locations around the complex. You like how everyone responds to you so you are determined to carry this fine disposition around all day.

That good mood lasted for the better half of practice. You had been determined to ignore the fact that the almost ethereal glow about Beca that morning was causing havoc with your heart. But damn her. How dare her hair be so shiny? Why did she look so rested and well?

She looked like she didn't have a care in the world as she stood by the piano interacting with Stacie. The two of them stood there; Beca behind Stacie, trying to wean her off from unnecessarily caressing her boobs, trying to prevent her from doing the said action during her song numbers. She needed her to stop; there had been some parental complaints but Beca kept it light, teased and laughed during the entire process. If you thought about it hard enough, it could have been mistaken for flirting; well, you don't _blame_ Stacie; she was normally flirty, that's how she was with everyone but there's Beca flirting right back. You wonder if she was doing this on purpose.

And you heave a sigh at yourself for even being bothered about it all in the first place. This whole getting over her part of it was easier said than done.

No, Beca was just being her usual oblivious self; unaware of the weight of her actions or who was affected because of it.

Stacie was shooting confused glances your way the whole time. But you just plastered your biggest smile across your lips, joked as you warmed up, remembering to take extra care to drink plenty of warm drinks and rest when you weren't needed.

* * *

The first hour you were getting by just fine … you _were_ fine.

But by the second you weren't any longer. You were tired, having lost a lot of sleep over the past couple of nights and so at this point everything was getting to you; her laugh, her smile, her sparkly eyes, her _everything_ was grating on you, the way she ran her hand through her hair just purely irritated you.

She was throwing compliments at Cynthia Rose and from your vantage point, it looked like she practically had her hands on Stacie's boobs at one point. But you're actually seeing real interaction as well; Beca is pushing on Stacie's flat stomach trying to feel if she was using her diaphragm correctly. Beca never, not once, touched you in practice like that. You're a total mess today. You really feel like you were starting to lose it.

Cynthia Rose was almost done with her turn and you hear Beca offer to text her for moral support that evening. For some inexplicable reason, this completely irks you and your happy façade cracks like a broken mirror.

"Don't expect an actual text message though with anything useful in it." You hiss out between your teeth, probably slightly louder than you intended. It causes everyone to look your way.

"Pardon Chloe, did you say something?" Beca asks.

"Nope." You say, emphasizing the 'p' at the end.

"You sure? You OK over there?" Beca asks kindly, her tone filled with worry. (You'd feel it, noticed it whenever it was directed towards you.)

You hate it.

"Yep." You spit out, stressing the word and refusing to make eye contact.

"Did you finish getting warmed up with Anna?" She asks as she starts making tracks over to you. "Remember you have to do at least ten minutes ..."

"Oh yes, your Highness." You mutter to yourself under your breath. "Your wish is my command. All obey the whims of the mighty Beca Mitchell."

"Um, Chloe." Beca speaks into your ear and you startle a little as you didn't realize just how close she was. "A word please."

She places a hand on your elbow and gives you a barely noticeable shove as if to make you move.

"Don't touch me. You'll need to wash your hands after this. I'll give you gay germs." You childishly, quietly whinge, tucking the words into your shoulder. You don't like the way you are acting but you decide not to care. Only by the good graces of a decent upbringing do you follow her lead and move to the side of the practice room.

"What?" You ask as you lean against the wall, there's harshness to your tone you can't quite help.

"Um, okay. Clearly something is up." Beca says in reply, all fidgety, her hands twisting, her fingers fiddling with each other.

"WOW! Ya think?!" You snap.

Her steely eyes fix on yours and you stare back, hoping to get her to back down. She does finally and you inwardly smile triumphantly.

"Are you actually going to talk to me properly? Can we lose the attitude please?" She says, suddenly sounding weary. You refuse to notice the heavy make up concealing the dark circles under her eyes or the slight downturn at the corners of her mouth, slack from lack of rest.

"Not today! No!" You say as you push yourself off the wall and walking away. You don't look back to see her raise her hands up to the ceiling.

"Chloe. Where do you think you're going?" Beca calls out after you. Her tone (it's not angry but sad and needy) _nearly_ makes you falter in your stomp.

"To get a drink."

"Fine." Beca says as she walks towards Stacie, making a circular motion with her hands. "Stacie, let's go from the top."

* * *

Practice is later moved to a different location just offstage; it's loosely packed with members of the crew testing their equipment and you're not so far from the actual stage where all the other Teams are; the other artists wandering by occasionally, hanging out when they had downtime (Fat Amy's there with you). Team Usher's currently having a run through. Team Beca would have the stage right after.

The next half an hour or so passes with you making loud, snippy comments from the corner of the stage, where you have stationed yourself and your bad attitude along with your phone, half hidden by one of the stage drapes. You text Aubrey and moan about everything and anything and are currently into the eleventh tirade of moody messages when Beca moves and stands in your light.

"Are you planning on joining in anytime today or are you gonna continue to sit making faces at your phone? Do you not realise how far into this competition you are? Lose the attitude, put your phone away, get up and take your turn with the set please."

"Ah, Beca." You say, your ingrained manners forcing you to put your phone in your pocket despite the snarky reluctance part of your behaviour willing you to see how far you could go to really annoying her. "You don't get a say in my life as I don't get a say in yours."

"Chloe, I am still your coach and-"

"-You're my coach, and that's all you'll ever be to me. I got the memo." You say, your voice slightly raised. You stand and move towards a table covered in sheet music. You watch as Beca quickly, frantically gazes around to see if anyone had heard. She breathes a sigh of relief when she confirms and is certain that everybody else is preoccupied. Stacie is doing some scales, Cynthia Rose is having a discussion with Fat Amy. The staff members are busy doing what they were supposed to be doing.

You just roll your eyes, realizing you've stopped caring about it all. It was easier than wasting your time and energy speculating every little detail, feeling too much and getting your heart broken in the process.

"Chloe ..." Beca begins, always one to grow uneasy over long silences, her voice is taking on that worried tone and her eyes on you have taken on the 'poor injured animal about to be put it out of its misery' look to them and you don't want that sympathy, especially not hers.

"I'm fine." You lie.

"Clearly, you aren't. Chloe, just … can we talk?" Beca says, her voice lowering; taking a spot by the table on which you are currently perched. "Can I talk?"

You shrug, not quite ready to be accommodating but Beca doesn't falter. "Look, I know this is hard on you. It is hard on me too. I'd like to tell you sincerely that-"

"-No! You don't know how hard it is for me and I have absolutely no idea what's going on with you … and honestly I am so sick trying to figure everything out."

Beca breathes long and hard, her breaths almost sounding pained before she speaks.

"I just don't know how to make everything okay …" She says softly, her gaze on you is hard and unwavering. "... I want to be able to fix things and I really wish … it could be easier. That it could all just go back to being simple-"

"-so you're deciding to actually be honest with me for once, that's good." You interrupt, louder than necessary. You watch as her shoulders slump and you realise just how mean you have been all morning. But she deserved it, didn't she? So why is this getting to you? Why does her 'I'm a sad little girl' act _still_ affect you?

Darn it, Chloe. Get a grip!

You shake yourself and start to move away but the few moments of silence have prompted Beca to speak. Your mind is racing with a thousand thoughts so you have to force yourself to listen to her. You catch the end of her little impassioned speech.

"… so I'm sorry, okay?" You actually cringe at hearing the word, like your body itself is trying to block it out.

"Wow, that would actually need for you to mean what you said." You spit out. Because she couldn't be sorry, could she? She didn't mean it because if she did, she would just stop doing it, the actions that would result in her saying it to stop hurting you.

"Chloe?"

"Forget it Beca."

"Okay, I'll allow you to walk away from me now so you can get some air, get everything out and off your chest. As long as you can promise to come back ready, with the killer instinct I know you have in you." Beca says, trying to pull you back in with her charm.

She moves to take your arm, probably in an effort to help you stand but you're immediately reacting against the touch, pushing it away.

"I'd really appreciate it if you'd stop telling me what to do," You seethe, flicking a dangerous look towards her.

Beca opens her mouth to speak but you aren't done.

"And let me decide things for myself God dammit!" You say, the words leaving your mouth much louder than you had intended.

The buzzy busy hall has suddenly become still (it seems your voice had travelled across backstage at precisely the right time, a rare moment where everyone had taken pauses in their own conversations, catching everyone's attention) and you're there mightily aware of everyone focusing between the two of you. There are hushed, bated breaths as the onlookers take in the situation, excitedly awaiting Beca's reaction.

"All right, that's enough." Beca says sharply, her patience clearly gone, the fire returning to her eyes. You have the good graces to look at the rubber stage floor as she turns to the other girls in the area. "Guys, can you give us ten minutes please."

All of them start chattering up again; people start leaving, everyone except Fat Amy, Stacie and Cynthia Rose.

They don't move. Instead they look away, pretending to be distracted by the stage lighting. The two of you watch the three of them feign interest for a beat of a second till Beca gives another long, hard sigh whilst massaging her temple.

"Uh, girls?" She says trying to gain their attention. "What's up? I asked for some time with Chloe." Beca says and you can hear the weariness and the effort it's taking her to remain patient.

"We're going to stay ...for ... um ...Chloe." Stacie meekly says.

"We love you Coach but Chloe's _our_ girl and with all due respect we don't think it's the best idea that you two be alone together." Cynthia Rose says,

Beca's frown deepens as each girl talks, her gaze shifting quickly from one girl to the next.

"Yeah given the situation … between the both of you." Fat Amy says and you look up quickly. Beca doesn't know they know. She can't know that _they_ know, you know she wouldn't like it.

"What?" Beca's eyes flash as she starts moving closer to them. Fat Amy backs away. "What situation, what do you mean-" Beca's voice is cutting, harsh (she's never taken that tone when talking to them) Stacie too has moved away only Cynthia Rose stands her ground moving slightly in front of the other two.

"-You know with what happened." Fat Amy answers safely from behind CR.

Beca immediately turns on you, her crazed eyes screaming 'you told them?' exposing something much more raw hidden in their depths, some parts fear, some parts confusion, betrayal and pain. There were so many emotions there, it actually stills you for a moment.

"We need to talk now." She breathes out slowly.

"Coach relax." CR says and you look to see Beca's fists are all balled up, trembling slightly from trying to contain whatever she was feeling.

"Beca, it is fine, we don't care about it-" Stacie says.

"-I don't know what it is you're saying but I need to talk to Chloe and whatever we need to discuss doesn't concern any of you. So, I'd like it very much if you leave now please." She talks slowly, and the sentence itself isn't rude or at all threatening or even scary but her tone and the way she says it sends chills down your spine.

"Unless you'd rather I kick you out myself?" She adds.

You are aware of bodies moving and a flurry of activity as Beca walks away from you, she beckons you into a side room. You snub her, determined not to make this easy for her. You are so busy wrapped up thinking of ways to ignore her that she has to call you to get your attention.

"CHLOE! Now please."

"Chloe, now please" You mutter under your breath, mimicking her words.

You follow and step through the door as she moves to lock the door behind her. You don't take the seat she offers you, not because she told you to but half an hour of sitting on the hard floor had gotten mightily uncomfortable and you'd prefer to stand anyway for this.

"What did you do?" She demands instantly.

"Nothing, I-"

"-You told them! Why the HELL?! I don't understand, what do you want to happen here … are you honestly trying to." She breaks off, breathing unevenly, clutching at her chest. "You are going to be the one to _ruin_ me." She says, her voice harsh and grating.

Beca's anger is nothing compared to yours. You are furious right now, you feel the bile rise in your throat.

"Stop acting so high and mighty like you didn't do anything wrong." You pause to take in the eye daggers that she is currently throwing your way. "What? Did you keep expecting me to take this laying down? I'm sorry I can't be your own personal doormat anymore, smiling and pretending to be happy, letting you think you could get away with walking all over me."

Beca's anger dims a bit as she absorbs what you are saying, she starts to look somewhat contrite but she hasn't stopped shaking.

"I'm just saying, _asking_ you to try and see this from my point of view, Okay yes, I was unfair because I was confused and lonely and in turn I ended up hurting you. I regret that more than anything I've done ... but I don't know how else to say it but what you're doing... blatantly telling people; not just any people, the other contestants no less ... of my _erro_ r in judgement ... don't you see what it could do to my career, for my relationships if you'd ruin this for me …"

It's always about her, wasn't it?

"Blah blah blah, me me me me … it's always about YOU, isn't it?" You say bitingly, raising your hand and jamming your finger in her direction. "Don't you get tired talking about yourself? Also, stop jumping the gun! There wasn't anything to talk about since it was a mistake and didn't really happen right?"

"Stop snarking at me alright ... I can't deal with you being like this! I can't deal with this shit!" Beca exclaims, running her hand through her hair. You notice her hand is unsteady but you ignore it.

"Well I can't keep …" You start and your brain is screaming for you to say _'letting you hurt me. letting you break my heart_ ' but you don't, pausing a moment for clarity instead. "... I won't let you make me feel like this any longer ... so just skip all the bullshit and stop pretending to be nice and understanding. You are supposedly hurt and heartbroken or whatever. And would you stop? Just stop looking at me like I'm about to go crazy. One thing though … just one thing and I want a straight answer, I just don't get why did you have to kiss me?" You half demand, half beg for her to explain everything, to make things right, for everything to make sense and to show if any of this was worth it.

Your anger is almost at boiling point and you can feel the blood rushing to your face; your emotions are fluctuating, mixing together and you're feeling the hurt, the overall confusion. It's hard to make sense of it all, for you to even come up with a complete sentence.

"We already talked about this." Beca said, ignoring your plea. Her arms that were hanging loosely by her side, she now wraps tightly around herself. You flinch. Does she feel like you feel? Like you're bursting apart at the seams, your insides flying every which way, and you can't quite hold yourself together anymore.

"Yes, and I don't need a repeat, I guess. A girl can only handle so much rejection. You've given me enough over the top drama for a lifetime." You say, making a jab at her.

"And all you give me are problems … you speak back to me, you cause scenes, all you do is get me into trouble, making this difficult for me. Jesse was right; I don't know why I let you into my life." She says meanly. You don't react; your face is hardened now, your feelings rigid, you don't let it affect you, you're almost immune to them by now. You only aim is to try to inflict the same amount of hurt, you want to cut her to the quick.

"I'm sorry that I'm such a burden to the poor little rich girl who thinks she has the sole ownership of all the problems in the world ... oh my daddy doesn't love me ... people judge me too quickly ... I am so distanced from the world because of who I am-" You taunt, your voice taking a childish tone. You bring your balled up fists to your eyes mocking her as if she was a child rubbing at the tears in her eyes. You stick out your bottom lip and stare at her defiantly, stopping short of whining like a baby.

"-The burden that I have is that I actually have to put up with you. You know what, I regret choosing you to be on my team because now I have to keep working with you." Beca spat out.

"Regrets? You wanna talk about regrets? Mine was that I had the displeasure of actually meeting you … I wish that I never joined this competition." You say spitefully. And as you say it, it actually hurts you, there is a physical burn to your chest because this was it. This was you realising that everything you were saying was you erasing all of the memories of everything you've ever shared.

You don't know how the two of you could ever be okay after this. There was no going back after this.

"Yeah, well me too! Imagine you could've saved us all that misery, saved me the torture of dealing with some nosy, prying, overly touchy, bordering on harassment _know it all_ wanna be!" Beca retorted.

"Well I don't know why anyone would stick through all of your crazy shit Beca! You are damaged goods! I hate your stupid stories; that was just a desperate plea for attention, all your dramas … I regret even listening to them." You bark out, trying to get her to break, to crack and for her to fall apart like you are doing.

"How DARE you speak to me like that?" Beca spits out, a slight tremor to her lip.

"You keep saying how no one stays with you and you make it seem like it's because they gave up too easy. But it's because you manipulate people, you think you can get away with everything because of who you are; that you can use their feelings _for_ you, to _your_ advantage." You say, no longer caring about her feelings in all of this.

"Yeah you'd know all about me wouldn't you? You ARE the expert on all things Beca Mitchell. My own personal stalker." Beca adds maliciously.

"What, did you like get a huge ego boost because one of your fans was so obsessed with you that she followed you all the way from Ohio?" You ask.

"If you really think that you don't know me at all." Beca answered, her voice full of regret. "Which is Ironic considering-"

"That's the thing right, I don't ... I never did. You've shown me so many versions of yourself but under all of them you're just a scared little girl, I can't believe I actually idolised someone so pathetic and weak. And a complete fake-" You say vindictively.

"-Take that back." She barks at you.

"Why? It's all true isn't it? You're the opposite of genuine, you're a liar-YOU FAKE!" You snark and Beca's hand grabs at your arm. You flinch and angrily pull your arm away.

"Take it back-" She repeats, taking a further step towards you.

"-DON'T touch me!" You squeal (your voice sounds odd, scared and raw with emotion) and your hand is itching by your side, your heart thumping wildly.

"Take. It. Back." Beca says once more. Her steely eyes are pinning you down but you manage to return her gaze steadily.

"Stop telling me what to do!" You demand, raising your hands to your ears in a childish attempt to block out the sound.

"-Just shut up!"

"Why don't you make me?" Beca says, an easy taunt to her words.

"Do not push me Beca freaking Mitchell." You warn, your hands flying to your hips. You cock your head to one side.

"Push you? Push you into what?" She asks in what you deem a highly patronising manner.

Okay fine, this argument was going nowhere and she was really getting to you. You feel the thrum of energy, of needing to physically do something, to hit something-anything to release everything. You might have to warn her before you actually do or say something you might regret.

"Just go. Go on, do you what you do best. Leave." You wave an arm loosely towards the door.

"Chloe, _you_ do not get to tell _me_ what to do here." Beca states. "OK?"

"Oh, right. You wouldn't listen to me anyway. You only ever do what you want to do. How do you even have functioning relationships-Oh yeah you don't, You can't even maintain a relationship with your own damn father." You bite.

"LEAVE MY FATHER OUT OF THIS." She roars. "You do not get to bring my father into this when he is completely irrelevant."

"Or what?" You taunt.

"Chloe, leave it." Beca says, running both hands through her hair, looking wild eyed as she seems to be processing a memory in her mind. "This is not about me, but your inability to let something go that isn't yours to hold on to, wasn't yours to begin with."

"Oh we are back to that, are we?" You snigger, digging your hands into your pocket.

"Back to what?"

"You throwing your cryptic bullshit at me." You say as evenly as you can, even though you can feel your nostrils flaring and your ears turning red. "Snarking, making smart comments trying to mess with my head."

"Well, I am just matching your bitchy tone -" She smirks at you. That mouth that you wanted to kiss so badly before today now is making your blood boil.

"-And thinking so highly of yourself that you actually think …" You pause to regroup your words. "... you actually think I'll still want you after all of this." For some reason this seems to wind her the most, Beca's face pales, she looses that confidence for a mere moment;her mouth opening without a sound coming out. But then almost as quickly back's the color, and her face red with rage, her mouth twisting unpleasantly.

"Oh for fucks sake Chloe, fucking GROW UP! You are beyond pathetic. We were never-are never going to be together. Get it? We are from two sides of the tracks. I mean, seriously, I am who I am. You though … you are nothing, a nobody … an unimportant part of my life. Remember what I said in the janitor's closet; after the competition is over, I will move on and forget about you. You think I am that desperate for attention, that I need to scrap the bottom of the barrel and choose to have you in my life -you're not worth it-"

There's a ringing in your ears, a stillness in the air before

*SLAP*

The sound echoes around the room.

You weren't sure who was more surprised that your right hand flew from your pocket and cracked her right across the side of her face. It wasn't a delicate slap, you knew this by the way she reeled and took a step to the left. Her own hand flew up to hold her cheek as she spun round to look at you, a complete look of shock on her face.

Your hand is stinging; tingling with regret. You hadn't meant to actually strike her. And you hadn't realised how good it would make you feel.

"Fuck you" you whisper breathing shakily, trying to calm down but you can't seem to, "I hate you!" You then yell. "I hate you for being you."

Your throat feels raw; it's a bad sign. You need to leave, this was bad for you, look what Beca was doing to you.

"Chloe …" Beca said, still clutching her face, looking absolutely winded, utterly gobsmacked.

"No, you need to go. Just get out of my life. I hate you." You ball your fists for real this time.

"Chloe?" Beca says your name, trying to stop your tirade. Her eyes still carrying that look of surprise, of suddenly knowing how crazy she'd made you like you'd finally slapped some sense into her.

"You have made it your personal mission to treat me like shit, and you have done nothing but be mean to me. You use to make me feel alive. You made me feel like I was worth something. And then you just went and crushed everything I had wanted, believed in, held on to and hoped for. And now? Now, I just hate you. I hate you." (maybe if you said it enough times you'd actually believe it) You feel the tears forcing their way out, leaking down your cheeks.

"Chloe, stop it." Beca says, a sadness to her eyes.

"WHY-How dare you just stand there? I said GO! LEAVE!" You say loudly, raising your fists aggressively.

Beca takes a step towards you but all you see is your intended target as she raises her arms to pull you closer to her.

"I hate you." You repeat, and begin to beat your fists on her chest. You hit her several times causing her to wince, though she still doesn't back away. You're breathing heavily with the exertion, with the utter exhaustion from this whole situation.

"Chloe, it's okay." Beca says, as she takes your hands in hers and lowers them to your side.

"NO, it's not okay." You say, struggling violently against her grip, wanting to hurt her, to make you feel better. "Let me go. I don't want to be anywhere near you. I hate you, remember-I hate-mff-"

You blanch as Beca reaches up and swiftly, suddenly covers your mouth with hers, silencing your bitter words. She releases one of your hands to wrap her own around the back of your neck as she presses her lips harder onto yours, stopping the vitriol from leaving your mouth.

Beca pushes you to the wall, your back hitting it with a few easy strides. You're don't quite know what is happening but you want it to stop. You just want to get away from her, away from the room and away from the competition. You catch her staring up at you and she holds your lips with her own. She releases the back of your neck and grabs at your hands, raising them above your head and pinning your arms to the wall, holding them with her left arm.

She pushes against you even harder and you can feel her lips even more forcefully on your own. You can feel your legs shaking more and more and she presses her body up against yours. Her one leg has found it's way in between yours. She traces a hand up and down your back. And you feel her hips rock into yours.

You can feel her tongue tracing your bottom lip, begging you to open your mouth. Your resolve is slipping but you don't want to give in, not yet. She pulls on your bottom lip again, chewing gently. You try to pull away. She bites harder. You open your mouth to protest but she takes that as submission. You feel her tongue searching for yours as her hand grips a handful of your hair, twisting your head to the side, forcing your mouth open and her tongue in deeper.

The kiss became harder and more intense, insistent, persistent and _full_ of longing. You resist trying to kiss her back but the ache between your legs is suggesting to you that you want it just as much as she does.

You are desperately trying not to moan as Beca sweeps inside your mouth, hungry to taste you, eager to show you that all of the words she spilled earlier was just white noise and fear.

She kisses you harder and harder, urging you to join her. She begins to bite on your lip, each touch more intense than the one before. She moans into your mouth, her breath coming in short pants.

Each touch has more adrenaline than the one before and you are losing the ability to form a coherent thought. All you can think about are her hands on your waist, trailing up and down your arms. You hadn't even realised she wasn't holding your arms above your head anymore.

You let your arms fall onto her shoulders, your arms encircling the nape of her neck. You can't help yourself and you start to kiss her back, your face angling to deepen your kiss all the more, returning each movement of her mouth hungrily. Your body is moving, pushing, thrumming against hers. You increase the intensity and sweep your tongue back into her mouth, battling for dominance.

You needed to break for air but you don't want it to stop.

Her taste, the feel of her tongue caressing yours, you want to remember it all.

You pull away, both breathless and you push her away from you. You feel a bubbling excitement that you have never felt before, a connection that you had been missing. She leaned back in towards you, kissing you gently on your lips again before peppering your cheek with light kisses, applying more pressure as she moved down to your jaw line, flicking her tongue into your ear, nibbling on your lobe. You suppress a groan.

You can feel her hot breath in your ear and your knees grow weak.

She moves back to your mouth. It's more teeth than anything this time but it hurts the way she's holding on to you so tightly, the pressure of her face pinning yours to hers. You feel the softness of her skin, warm against your own. Then, all of a sudden she relaxes her grip, her whole body softens, she becomes gentler, her eyes darken and she moves slowly, gently; her lips now trying to soothe the bruises she placed there just moments before.

You get carried away, you're supposed to hate her but you can't help loving her lips on yours. Wanting them. Needing them. It's perfect; how good it makes you feel, it's perfect. Your heart's fit for bursting; the first kiss had been all about sadness, but this one is mostly fueled by anger and lust. Your body moves on a mind of its own trying to relieve itself of passion that has filled you; yearning for this one woman who just can't seem to want you back in the same way unless she's cornered and has no other choice to.

Beca's looking up at you and flicking eyes towards your lips. You wish she wouldn't.

You need to leave the room. It's suddenly very hot in here and the way Beca is looking at you has you all confused. She takes a step forward and you noticed her hand hesitantly moving at her side. You aren't quite sure how it happens but suddenly she is up in your space, her hips are touching yours again and she's inches away from you. You can feel the heat radiating from her. It's intoxicating.

"Beca ..." You start to say but she's coming even closer to you now. Your breath hitches in your throat as you reach up a hand to track it through her chocolate curls, your fingers grazing over her ears and you spot the flurry of goose bumps that appear on her neck.

Within the shortest of seconds, she has your face in her hands, and you feel the warmth of her fingers touching your cheeks. Each pad ignites a little fire on your face and even though she is only lightly touching you, your world starts to spin. You see her part her lips and she reaches up to meet yours.

"Wait!" You gasp, your last pathetic line of defense. "No! Stop ... please."

Then there's a knock to the door but you don't move from your positions just yet. You wait for whoever the person is to leave.

"Miss Beca? Are you in here? Sir Jesse has been trying to call, he said he couldn't reach your phone ... Miss Beca?" The voice is muffled, the heavy wooden door muting the conversation. You hear a few more knocks and you frustratingly wonder why he won't leave? How does he even know there's anyone in there?

You glance at Beca and you can see the regret settling in; the knock had broken the spell. Her face has that same scared look, the one you are so painfully aware of, the 'how can I get out of here fast enough' face that she has. Shit, no. Fuck, no way will she do this to you again? But you can see it before she says it. You can almost smell the regret in the air.

"I'm sorry, oh fuck ..." Beca says in the moment of quiet, as she pulls away from you completely. "... that shouldn't have happened. I'm sorry it did."

But everything else about her; her swollen red lips, her chest moving rapidly, her darkened blue eyes ... it says otherwise.

You're breathing hard too, heart racing. That brazen behaviour; the sheer desperation how you moved, touching her, pulling her to you ... had shocked you.

Where was the control? Where was the vow never to acknowledge anything about her anymore? Why did you give in so easily? Why were you so damn weak when it came to her? A thousand questions run through your mind.

Even now when she was backing away, you yearn to reach out to pull her in again, to continue what was to you the most amazing, crazy hot, soul-changing, heart searing, jolting, highly addicting make out session you'd ever had.

She was an amazing kisser ... and you know, you were sure that if you did act on it, she _would_ put up a fight, struggle at first but eventually she would melt into your kiss and return it with a fervour (the thought of it, her hands all over you, her hot lips on your neck just a while ago sends a shiver throughout your body, and you're acutely aware how damp you are, how much you're painfully throbbing down there).

Her eyes watch you intensely; you know she's thinking of it as well. She takes an unsteady breath and you feel the heat rise in the room then she takes the little step forward ... you follow with a step of your own your body moving on its own accord as you push up against her.

You're just about to let go of your inhibitions, to seal your lips to hers, to surrender to your want, your need when ...

"Stop I can't ..." She says and you back away from her as fast as you can, (almost as fast as when you came together just moments before).

You stare at her, blinking rapidly.

"We can't! This … didn't happen … It won't happen again ..." She says sounding almost angry. She's shaking her head at herself, her clenched fist she pressed hard against her forehead.

You feel the heat _burn_ in your chest, on your face and you're so ashamed of yourself.

"I'm sorry ..." Beca continues, her eyes turning on you are pleading for you to understand, but that's just the thing you don't, you have no idea what's going on with you, with her … with anything at all anymore.

She tries to come close … to hug you, to reassure you.

You don't know but she can't fix this. Right now Beca can't do anything that won't make you hate her or yourself any more than you do now.

"Don't ..." You say, your hand pushing her away. "... _fucking_ … touch me again!"

"Chloe … I-"

"-Keep your sorry …" You interrupt her. "... you keep apologizing to me and that word no longer has meaning with you. You never mean anything you say. Nothing you say or have ever said in the past or promised me was ever genuine ... it's rubbish ... so just stop talking to me all together-"

"-Chloe, what?" It's Beca's turn to cut you off.

"You keep messing with my head and I don't know why I'm still here blindly waiting on you..." you gasp out between holding the new wave of tears threatening to spill, "I'm done you hear me, and I'm gone. I'm leaving the competition!"

She stands there her mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water.

You back up, turn and run towards the door, unlocking it and thrusting it open with such gusto that Benji, standing quietly with his fingers poised to knock again, almost falls over in your haste to get past him. You grab your purse from the practice room and then you run from the building, ignoring everyone who calls after you. All you hear is the sound of your footsteps pounding on the concrete and the voice inside your head telling you how much of an idiot you are.

You throw open the door of one of the cars, launching yourself on to the back seat and just squeak out the word 'home'.

You just want to go home.

You can't believe you're in the very same situation; in a car running- after being confronted, surprised then hurt by Beca- like a constant repeat of suffering that you subject yourself to.

You're trying to put as much distance from her as you possibly can but you know the attempt itself is futile; there was no place far enough where you could escape her.

**I can't take it**

**What am I waiting for?**

**My heart's still breaking**

**I miss you even more**

**And I can't fake it**

**The way I could before**

**I hate you but I love you**

**I can't stop thinking of you**

**Its true I'm stuck on you**

**Now love's a broken record that's been skipping in my head**

**I keep singing yesterday**

**Why we got to play these games we play?**

**Every now and then**

**When I'm all alone**

**I be wishing you would call me on the telephone**

**Say you want me back**

**But you never do**

**I feel like such a fool**

* * *

You get home looking forward immensely to the company of two of your best guy pals; men who would always be there for you, 'Ben' and 'Jerry'. You unearth the emergency pint of cold, creamy goodness from the back of the freezer ... the place you never touch in order to keep up with your health regimen ... but to hell with that.

You utter a greeting in Aubrey's direction. She looks up from her sheaf of papers, curiosity clearly etched on her face. She can tell by the pint in your hand that today didn't go well. Aubrey didn't dare stop you, she'd only seen you like this once before ... when you had missed Beca's DJ set, near your neighborhood ... a very rare occasion.

That was a long time ago ... you couldn't even bear the sight, the smell, the sound or whatever of Beca right now.

You sink into the pillows on your bed, popping the lid on your tub of ice cream. You take one look at all the little Beca collectibles around the apartment, her face plastered all over your little posters, staring back at you, almost mocking you. All the things Beca had laughed at upon discovering them; her little laughter and the memory of that echoes in your head.

* * *

"Is that the poster from my Broadway days?" The voice comes behind you, standing at the doorway. In your haste you had failed to close it properly. You want to slam the door, but that just wouldn't be polite. Beca strides into your apartment without your permission, finding the framed poster that you'd left on the wall, lifting it off.

"Uh … no! Yes! … I didn't know I had that." You say, trying to snatch it out of her hands, which she evades quite well.

"I thought they sold out. There were three in circulation and one went to some museum, I have another and they said a fan bought the final one. You aren't the crazy obsessed fan are you?"

"No, not me … no siree, No … And what are you doing up here? I said five minutes, can't you count?"

"Okay I totally believe you. What were you doing? Hiding what you don't want me to see? Hey I remember this. It's from that video game movie I starred in," Beca says, picking up the movies signed script. "My, my you have quite the collection. How did you get this stuff?" She's freely striding across the living room, while you settle on your comfy couch feeling your knees give way. This was worse than the times that you were caught doing embarrassing things by your relatives and trust me, there were many an occasion; the whole making out with the television wasn't even the worse that can come to mind.

"eBay … Amongst other places."

She's still grinning widely to herself, staring you down … Yeah this situation was soo funny.

"Okay fine! I'm freaking obsessed with you. Are you sufficiently weirded out now?"

"No, I'm actually extremely flattered ... It's kinda cool being friends with an actual die-hard fan … You carry yourself around me pretty well."

"You mean I'm not salivating at your mere presence? I know you're an actual person. I wanted to treat you like one. I didn't just want you to be a face on a screen."

"You wanted us to be friends? Well you got what you wanted, man you are resolute ... I didn't really make it easy for you, for anyone really, to get close."

"Well you're worth it ..."

* * *

You were stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Before you know it, you find yourself ripping the posters from the wall and throwing everything you can find, and that you can get a hold of, into the bin.

Every tear you make, every single thing you crumple in your hands does nothing to make you feel any better.

The rest of the things that won't fit into the bin in your bedroom, you pile into a gigantic trash bag which you plan to haul outside as soon as you can. You don't care what's broken, torn or damaged; you just want it out of sight.

Aubrey finds you in the midst of your insanity, all sweaty, breathing heavily with your make up running down your face.

"For all that is aca-holy!" she gasps as she sees how trashed your room is. She takes you into her arms, calming and steady and leads you to the bathroom to shower it off. She offers to clean up the mess you've made while you stand under the hot water.

Perhaps you had drifted in and out of consciousness for a bit, as it seems like only a few seconds past before she comes back later to help you out of the tub.

You allow her to wrap you in a towel-to change you-(by now you're too tired to do anything else) then tucks you into your newly made bed.

"I'm sorry you're hurting Chlo-" she says, placing what is supposed to be a comforting hand to your back, but there's that pain in your chest again, threatening to overwhelm you.

Long story short, you fall asleep pouring your heart and your bitter tears into Aubrey's lap.

* * *

It is way past midnight when you hear loud banging coming from the far side of the apartment.

What the hell?

Your neighbors can't be getting into it at two in the morning ... besides they were old, way too old for the amount of noise, there's no way they could be that loud ...

***CRASH* BANG***

Oh wait someone's trying to break in! Shit! Uh ... what do you have to defend yourself ... no baseball bats, no crow bars ... wait an umbrella ... what were you gonna do? Tap it on some bricks and pray it takes you away to Diagon Alley?!

Wait, oh yeah, you have Aubrey ... she's a black belt in something fierce, you are sure of it. She can take care of whoever it is.

You shake her gently at first, then more aggressively.

"Aubrey! Wake up!"

"What is that?" Aubrey murmurs sleepily. "It's-"

"-Chloe!" The loud shout cuts Aubrey off and she stares in the direction of the front door with you. She's still pretty out of it though; she'd already started nodding off again when you take a few steps forward towards the noise.

Whatever it was you were thinking, robbers, rapists, your seventy year old sex-crazed neighbours, any of that you would have been more open to, would have been more preferable than what or more to the point _who_ was actually standing outside your door.

"CHLOE! CHLOE! Oppeen uppp! CHLOE!"

You actually stop and stare at the door like it was the one to make the sounds. No way! Just in no way would that person have the nerve to show up at your home and bang at the door so loud ... she's practically breaking it down ... that's what actually physically brings you to the door, the concern for your door, nothing and no one else.

"Are you trying to wake up my neighbours?" You say angrily as you unlock the door and pull it up open with gusto. "I thought you said you weren't desperate for attention, but what has happened that you felt you had to come to my doorstep in the middle of the night? What do you want? To get some …?"

"Wow, that was mean …" Beca says, from her propped up position on your door jamb. "… but I think I deserved that ... but you deserve some of _that_ too ..."

You narrow your eyes.

"Are you drunk?" You ask but as soon as you say the words you realise you needn't have asked her, you can smell the liquor on her.

"I used to be love drunk … and now I'm hungover ... I'll love you forever … forever is over ... and now I'm sober ..." She starts singing, a wide, loopy grin plastered across her lips and if you weren't sure a while ago, well this truly confirms Beca Mitchell's drunken state!

Okay, she was totally gone ... this was the drunkest you've seen her, and OK, you'd only seen her drunk that one time ... but that was tame compared to this ...

She's leaning and her body's loose and unsteady; a human wriggling jello, on the brink of falling, before she catches herself and straightens up ... she takes one particularly low dip and your arms move quickly trying to catch her.

She rights herself and she's smack up in your face, nose to nose, lips a breath away from the others, and she starts giggling.

"Now this is very familiar ..." She slurs, as she locks her arms around your neck. Your heart's in your throat-

You quickly peel her arms away and pull her up, holding her for a moment until she is steady.

"How'd you get here? Beca? Did Hank drive you?" You ask, slightly confused.

"Nope! Nooo ... I think I've been sitting in my car ... for the last half an hour ... debating whether or not to come up ... and tell you-" she doesn't finish what she was about to say, getting distracted;she's taken one of your tendrils that have slipped loose and she's totally absorbed twirling it idly between her fingers. A small tender smile on her face.

"So what made you? Wait, tell me what?" You say trying to snap her out of it, trying to regain what's left of her attention.

You don't want the contact to last longer than necessary, you quickly untangle her hand from your hair then try to push it away, pull your hand away- but now her right hand is keeping yours trapped in between hers.

She's gripping yours firmly now-not that it hurts, but it's still a strong enough hold to keep you from moving further away. You pull at it uselessly. "Lemme say it-" she says, her eyes are still hazy, but now there's a certain clarity coming from their depths.

"You don't know … _how_ … many times I have ... dreamt about us … us being together …" Beca speaks, looking intently into your eyes, holding the connection strongly. "... and I keep _thinking_ about our … kiss, how I … _never_ ... wanted it to stop, how I … can never stop … looking for you, wanting to just be ... next to you ... so much that I had to physically … _wrench_ … myself away like it was the … _scariest_ thing ever."

Beca's words are slurring together and it makes your chest tighten a little. This is coming from the same girl who gave you a long list (or maybe just several reasons) of why you couldn't be together.

Maybe this is the first and only time she'll be honest and completely unguarded around you ever because apparently what Beca _thinks_ is completely different from what she _says_ , or maybe Beca tended to filter out what she intended to say so many times that even she doesn't know what she originally meant - she wants you, she doesn't want you, she wants to remain friends, she wants something more - and she kissed you (you were there after all) and obviously she wanted to keep doing so.

But what about Jesse? He would keep coming back.

"I keep running away because if I don't ... I'll never want to leave you again ... and because I know it is right ... and wrong ... and … it's so _many_ things." Beca pauses as she struggles to verbalise what's in her head, not used to having to share her thoughts. "I've always had to ... control myself, to never ... allow myself to want things ... too much. Because nothing ever seems ... to last with me ... I've been battling with ... myself and how I've been ... feeling for far too long ... I'm not supposed to ... like you! I can't ... like you Chloe. But, you see … I was screwed the minute I first saw you. One look ... one look into those blue eyes of yours ... and I felt my entire world ... shift. And what the hell? That sounded so lame but it's _true_."

"Chloe? Who is it? What did they want?" Aubrey calls from behind, you quickly close the door, slightly covering the entrance, where Beca's still standing as you hadn't thought to invite her in yet … wait, did you say standing … more like leaning-Oh God Beca's almost slipping! Your hands are ready to catch her, your bodies already making a move out the door, but Beca pulls herself up just in time, a few seconds from bashing her face into ground. "And where do you think you're going at this late hour?" Aubrey asks in a sharp tone, bringing your attention back to her and her raised perfectly shaped eyebrow.

"Uh nothing." You say, your cheeks reddening from the lie on your lips. "I just … um … I feel like taking a quick walk … to clear my head ... I'll uh … be back later … um ... much later."

"You're not going anywhere!" Aubrey states definitively as she joins you by the front door. "Especially with whomever I think it is that is outside."

You hear a giggle from the other side of the door and pull it open to reveal a very bleary eyed Beca who stumbles forward with the loss of firm contact with the door. She leans into your shoulder as she takes a step into your home.

"She's drunk! Look, she's ... I'll just get her home, OK?"

"As much as I absolutely loathe the idea and not really sure why I am even suggesting this but she can stay here ... at least until she gets sobered up. I doubt you want to get into trouble with the paps; drunken celebrity with her supposed girlfriend driving her home, I'm sure they're camping right outside her mansion."

You would have hugged Aubrey then and there if not for Beca's dead weight. You wrap an arm around Beca's shoulders and begin to point her in the direction of your bedroom.

"Ah, ah, ah, not anywhere near your room ... she's staying on the couch ... you go to bed ... lock your door ..."

"Aubrey?"

"I'll look after her. It's fine- She's lucky she's drunk-and that I don't lay it on people who can't think straight. She'll be fine _for now._. You on the other hand need to rest."

You close your door to the image of Beca passed out on your couch, your tummy twisting unpleasantly, you feel totally out of sorts; what were you to do with all of that, with all she had said ... why did she have to make everything so freaking complicated.

**I can't take it**

**What am I waiting for?**

**My heart's still breaking**

**I miss you even more**

**And I can't fake it**

**The way I could before**

**I hate you but I love you**

**I can't stop thinking of you**

**I can't stop thinking of you**

**It's true I'm stuck on you**

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So um tell me watcha think. Reviews are always welcome; you can rant, make suggestions or anything at all really.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So a drunk Beca is an honest Beca. But a tired, fed up Chloe isn't necessarily a forgiving Chloe.
> 
> Aka When Aubrey's asleep, promises of staying away the girl's do not keep.
> 
> Things get mildly?trippy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING THIS CHAPTER IS EXTREMELY LONG IN LENGTH IF ONE IS PRONE TO HAND CRAMPS, EYE FATIGUE AND IS GENERALLY OPPOSED TO SPENDING AN INDETERMINABLE AMOUNT OF TIME GLUED TO THEIR *insert gadget here* SCREEN'S THIS CHAPTER IS NOT FOR YOU.
> 
> Also thank you so so so much to my Beta Corrine. Hope you'll get a kick out of her name later.
> 
> Anywho I've flooded this page with enough words as it is, so I'll expect you guys to come up with your own-to piece together maybe an equally long (kidding...or am I?) response.(The one's from the last chapter were so overwhelming. My heart couldn't handle all the kind words. )
> 
> But yeah reviews will help me post the next chapter faster!

' _That was weird!_ ' You think wearily; it's the first thought that pops into your mind, as you momentarily regain consciousness, getting pulled from your sleep before you were ready. You were just having the wildest dream where Beca had turned up on your doorstep and finally confessed to how she felt about you.

You snort.

' _Yeah right, like that would ever happen_!' You think, before you turn over in your bed and begin to drift off again.

But then you jolt, fully awake; your eyes snapping open and your heart pounding in your chest.

What had woken you up for good this time? You still yourself listening around for anything suspicious ... but you don't hear anything. There was nothing out of the ordinary.

You let yourself relax a little but then you hear a little creak and out of the corner of your eye, you see your bedroom door moving. Wait, you always lock your door! OhMyGod! There's another creak, shit, now there's soft padded steps. You're nearly hyperventilating, a silent scream poised at the ready to leave your mouth, or it could be you feeling sick, wanting to throw up, feeling your heart thumping, speeding painfully until-

"It's me." Your door opens further, the moonlight catching tousled brown hair, announcing Beca's arrival in your bedroom. "Hey."

Okay, so it _wasn't_ a dream but still the panic starts up again even before the relief fully settles in.

You're still tempted to scream, your heart hasn't gotten the memo yet, its pumping wildly as if danger was still close at hand and it was probably was because _oh God_ Aubrey would kill you, not _just_ you, probably Beca too if she found the two of you in this situation.

"Aubrey's-" You start to say; now feeling more panicked about Aubrey finding Beca within six feet of you than of the intruder you had imagined not fifteen seconds earlier.

"-She's back in her own room, I waited to make sure she fell asleep before I crept over." She explains in a half whisper that still reaches you. She closes the door behind her, making her way in.

Your mouth opens and closes soundlessly, you are sure there's a protest there somewhere, a proclamation dwelling, just about ready to come out. Somehow the words are stuck, still, as frozen as your own figure.

In the back of your mind; in the part that you no longer wanted to acknowledge that was hyper aware of Beca and her actions, you can't help noticing how alert she looks, despite the lack of sleep and the fact that it is still dark out. You can't quite put a finger on it until it occurs to you that perhaps she has been awake for quite a while now.

She stops and casts an eye over your walls, (she's using her flashlight on her phone to help her see her way into your room) taking in the recent bareness in scarcely concealed surprise.

Now that your fear's somewhat subsided over Aubrey potentially appearing out of thin air, her Mama Bear instinct overly strong with you, a new somewhat stronger one starts to creep in.

What was Beca doing here? What did she want? What else could Beca say or do to spin everything out of control and turn this into something even more complicated?

You should tell her to get out. Come on, just tell her, it's only a few words, there are just the two in fact and you _will_ tell her, just as soon as you dislodge the words from your throat, which seems to have completely closed up.

She takes a spot on the end of your bed, there's warning signals going off in your head and you are finally jolted into moving. You find yourself drawing your knees up to your chest, feeling an irrational need to keep your distance so that there's as little contact as possible, and as much space between you and her as you can manage.

"How'd you get in?" You demand, as your voice comes out scratchy and has a slight waiver to it, revealing how anxious you truly were.

You think your heart's thudding loud enough to be heard by Beca herself.

"I was taking my chance coming to your door 'cos I wanted to talk and then I found that it was unlocked; so I thought maybe you wanted to talk as well." She said, trying to smile, sounding a tad hopeful, fiddling nervously with one of the rings on her hand. She's twisting at it so hard; it almost looks as if she could actually unscrew her finger.

"I'm sure I locked it." You say more to yourself than to Beca as you flick an eye towards your keyhole, as if it would confirm or deny for you. Maybe it was your subconscious acting out, revealing what you really truly want. So you guess you did _want_ her to seek you out, to explain things in order to get some proper answers and here she was doing exactly that but you just don't know how to feel about it, about her anymore.

"I'm guessing ... that's a no then." Beca says bravely, as she takes in the silence in the room. Perhaps she was reading the emotions flitting across your face, her own falling in its impassivity as she looks sadly at you. You get the impression that you've successfully managed to crush her bravado with one single comment.

You cast your eyes downwards and lay your head on your knees. You don't actually know exactly what to say or what to think; it's all too much for your still muddled up, sleepy state. Everything is coming across mildly dreamlike or nightmare-like; it was still too early to tell.

"Look, I know I don't deserve to say anything or even more so to ask anything of you." Beca continues, clearly uncomfortable with the silence, judging by the way she is pulling at the collar of her shirt. She finds a spot on your ceiling suddenly very interesting and looks up as she continues. "And I know I've lost my right so I'm sor-" She stops herself, her eyes quickly landing on you, she's gulping several times, her throat clearly dry; knowing that word was now a trigger for you.

You can feel the heat of her gaze; her eyes observing you _so_ intently and it's one that you refused to meet, but you think maybe she had caught the barely suppressed wincing that overtook you. She seems thrown off but she doesn't pause too long; she clears her throat and runs her fingers through her hair before continuing.

"-I uh, I apologize that, that you had to listen to what I had to say last night, and for before and what I've already said. I shouldn't have just come over and turned up unannounced; that was stupid. I'm sober now so I can go home." Beca says, getting out the rest of her speech in a rush, blowing out the air in her mouth, blowing her hair off her face. She's looking awkwardly at the ceiling, the floor, the walls and the door, everywhere and anywhere but into your eyes. "I was just scared before and now, um, now, I'm just I'll just go. I've, I've imposed on your time so much as it is. But I just had to, no I needed to, heck I _wanted_ to just see you-and I have. So, um, thanks and I'll be seeing you, again … soon, I hope and uh, yeah."

She stands up awkwardly, adjusts her shirt and looks at you for a moment, clearly wanting to say more but instead of doing so, she snakes a hand through her hair again, gives you a half smile and gives an awkward little wave.

The sudden loss of her weight on your bed, her retreating footsteps and the heavy feeling settling in your gut and your chest; like you've sort of missed out on something extremely important is niggling at you, it's got you all antsy and out of sorts.

You realize you haven't answered her as she's suddenly moving, making her way to your door. She had taken you by surprise yet again and this time, more than ever, you're left spinning.

You're biting your bottom lip; conflicted but you don't _want_ to call her back, you _shouldn't_ call her back. The curiosity is there though threatening to overpower _everything_ , all the things she had said is now returning full force. It's all there echoing around in your head; a complete juxtaposition of all the things she had been telling you, of how she has been with you all this time. Several snippets of conversation are flying around your brain; conflicting memories which you try to reason and put into order.

At first she had said, _"You are going to be the one to ruin me"_ and then you remember her clearly saying _"You don't know … how … many times I have ... dreamt about us … us being together …"_ and you can almost feel your eyebrows knitting together as the confusion floods your system in waves.

Everything is coming at such a rapid pace, almost as if each new thought was trying to overpower the other. You almost feel a headache coming on.

You remember your kiss and her comment afterwards, how she referred to it as her _"error in judgement"_ and this was quickly followed by the memory of her saying _"... our … kiss, how I … never ... wanted it to stop …"_

You don't stop to wonder why you are confused with it all as you think about the time she said to _"how I … can never stop … looking for you, wanting to just be ... next to you ... so much that I had to physically … wrench … myself away like it was the … scariest thing ever"_ and then, just to rain on your parade, you remember her snarking at you when she said _"And all you give me are problems … you speak back to me, you cause scenes, all you do is get me into trouble, making this difficult for me"._

You inwardly groan as you recall one of the more difficult conversations where she had bitingly said _"I don't know why I let you into my life. I don't need you. I was ... I've been fine before you, I'll be just as fine when you're gone"_ which was closely contracted out with her heartfelt speech of _"I need you, you're my friend, my best friend"._

And then the one thought that you simply cannot get out of your mind. The one that sticks in your throat, the one that breaks your heart and makes the pain and all the bile carry all the way to your throat, every single time you think about it … _"We were never ... we are never going to be together. Get it? We are from two sides of the tracks. I mean, seriously, I am who I am. You though … you are nothing, a nobody … an unimportant part of my life. Remember what I said in the janitor's closet; after the competition is over, I will move on and forget about you. You think I am that desperate for attention that I need to scrap the bottom of the barrel and choose to have you in my life. You're not worth it!"_

You had been waiting for something to come over you, maybe for some answers that would surface that could allow for things to become clearer for yourself, maybe a flash of inspiration … _anything_ for you to make a decision, a verdict on the state of everything.

You should've known that the waiting would probably be in vain 'cos instead of getting any answers; the long moment of silence, the inner turmoil, the reflection … it all seemed to amount in just accumulating more questions.

So what was this? What in the world did she want from you then?

You were so ready to let her go, to give up; you really had had enough now, of all the uncertainty, of being messed around with.

And yet there she was, still standing by your bedroom door, not moving, looking back imploringly at you.

God, what the hell does she want?!

Why does she keep turning up? Luring you back in ... why can't she let you get over her? Why can't she give you the peace of mind that you so rightly deserve, and leave you to mourn the love that you weren't allowed to have with her?

Why did she have to be so goddamn infuriating? The most monumental headfuck of all time; leaving you doubting and questioning everything. Well, you aren't going to be standing around waiting for answers like some hapless idiot anymore. You needed to know what was going on, once and for all.

The anger's in there somewhere, you only had to summon up the courage, trying, _wishing_ for it to overpower your feeling of being scared and vulnerable.

"So, what _was_ that? What you said." You finally call out after her, realizing you had been so lost in your thoughts, it was for several moments too long for it to be comfortable. She pauses with her hand on the door handle, turning slightly as you speak, casting an eye over her shoulder. You notice the tremble in her hand. "Mere drunken ramblings! Are you gonna blame it on the alcohol?" You ask bitterly.

So much for progress you think. She's still running away!

"No, I'm not." She answers unknowingly both your voiced and unvoiced qualms. "I'm just saying I wasn't in the best state of mind and all, but I'm not going to blame it on the a-a-a-a-alcohol baby." You know she's just quoting the song, but the 'baby' at the end of her sentence still makes you feel a little twinge in your heart.

You open your mouth to say something but the words catch in your throat because only now do you notice, almost _feel_ that there's something different with her; it almost feels like something had changed _in_ her, that something had come over her. She's different and you can see it, you can _sense_ it in the air. You see it in her stance maybe or perhaps it's the way her jaw's set. She looks determined to accomplish something, as if she had her mind completely made up and was set out to finish whatever she wanted to complete.

You're scared what it would entail.

"And I'm not taking it back either." She says before you get the chance to form words and you see the beginnings of tears in the corner of her eyes; the moonlight from outside just catching the sadness, sensing her desperation as she struggles to word what's in her heart. "I was totally aware of my actions and to a point, what I was _saying_ as well. Of course _if_ I were sober I would've versed everything differently, a little more  _eloquently_. But the sentiment was there and I got my message across. To answer your question, yes I _do_. I do _like_ you. I do _want_ you. I didn't want to but I can't undo what's done. You've made me feel alive again, I'd forgotten what was that was like, to actually want something too desperately, I can almost taste it. And I know I've screwed up. I know what an ass I've been to you. I'm just so confused right now, so damn confused. I wasn't supposed to get this involved and I've  _fucked_ it up before it had a chance to go anywhere. I don't know if I can offer you any certainty, but I _want_ this, I want your kiss, your arms around me, holding me tight. Whenever I'm with you it just feels, it just feels right."

"Wow, pretty words, you came up with that just by yourself?" You say bitterly; by now you are so used to snarking at Beca, it just comes naturally. You grimace at yourself and at the hurt little expression on Beca's face, but then suddenly she smiles of all things; that sunny, genuinely happy Beca smile that she would wear when you first started to hang out. It comes back like an old, well missed friend and it takes you by surprise. It seems like it'd been such a long time ago since she'd smiled at you like that, _really_ smiled at you at all without that hint of worry surrounding her eyes that it succeeds in jolting you a bit. You can feel it in the pit of your stomach and you're sure that it's not nerves or any hint of feeling. No sir, you're probably fearsome and nervous of Beca's mood swings.

You're so sure, well, pretty sure it's the latter and you better hope it is.

"You gotta admit they were pretty good and on a plus side the part towards the end totally rhymed." She says as lighthearted as she can manage. You don't fail to notice the sparkle return in her eye. You feel yourself caving, slipping for a second and so now you're frantically scrambling to raise your walls of defense back up again.

"So what am I supposed to do, just let it go, fall into your arms and we'll what, live happily ever after?" You ask, your voice coming out way harsher than you had intended.

"No, I don't expect you to let it go. Although, Adele Dazeem _does_ recommend it!" She tries to joke but these moments with her trying to play everything off isn't so welcome anymore. Not with how serious things had gotten in such a short amount of time and  _especially_ when she had finally just told you how she felt. You had finally gotten to a certain pivotal point and yet you aware that she was unable to do so without making you go through shit first.

She had to come when you were absolutely ready to give up and you're wondering why she should even deserve a chance now. Haven't you had enough? Do you have any more fight left in you? Do you even want this anymore? Just because she said whatever it was that she had said, did that automatically make her forgiven, absolve her from everything she had put you through?

No, it did not.

"Why?" Is all you get to ask and yet she seems to understand it all perfectly.

"'Cos trying to keep away from you, it's simply _exhausting_!" She breathes out heavily, after running a hand over her face; permitting a sad, tired, little smile to grace her features. Her face is so clear, so open as she speaks freely, unhindered for what seems like the first time in a long time. "I'm so, so tired of running away from something that makes me so very happy, all that makes me feel alive and _feel_ everything. There aren't words to describe what it is you do to me; you make me just feel ... a ... lot-"

"-Why now?" You press on. Her face tightens, her eyes shut, her mouth tightens as if fighting to hold everything in its place, to keep everything together. "I don't want to say 'I want you to stay', not because I don't, because I really _do_ want, I _need_ you to stay and I don't wanna lose you." She continues. "I mean you _should_ stay in the competition; I shouldn't be the one to drive you away. You have worked hard to get where you are. And succeeding, overcoming it all even with the nodes and everything. You deserve to be there and with me saying, no, me _asking_ it for myself; it's me being selfish again and you were right what you said, I have been very, no, I _am_ very self involved and everything else. You were right."

She pauses and you watch her visibly gulp a couple of times.

"It's self preservation. I'm scared of everything; what this could do, what it could mean but the thing that scares me the most, is the thought of losing you." Her voice tightening, before bam, her eyes open and you gasp at the sudden return of intensity; it's burning you because there's so much pain, so much torment going on there, reflecting in their depths.

It's dizzying, and you have to force yourself to look away because if anything, whatever it was that was going on with Beca went far more deeper than you imagined it to and it promised more confusion, it guaranteed even more drama for the future and you really can't fall back now but with every word she's saying, letting out, it's dragging you back in; the concept of letting go seems harder and harder to grasp.

"But how can I trust you? I can't trust that you won't run again. You _keep_ running. You've never shown me that you are willing to stay." You say, trying to keep the unkindness from your voice, but you need her to know how you are hurting. "Every single time you've-"

"-I know, I know. I've got to show you how-" Beca said.

"-The only thing you have ever _shown_ me is your ass as you walk away." You say, almost spitefully.

"Then tell me how I can prove it to you. Make you see that I mean what I say." Beca says earnestly.

"I don't know if you can." You say honestly.

"Please, don't tell me it's too late already?" Beca pleads.

"A drunkenly rambled confession slash apology on my doorstep doesn't make up for you messing with my head the way you have for weeks now or even erase everything else." You say, her face making your resolve waiver slightly. She's too proud to beg, you know that but her face shows this almost too raw desperation.

"I'm not expecting it all to turn around and get fixed overnight. I _know_ I've got a lot to prove. I know that. My question is though; are you willing to let me have another chance?" She asks delicately, yet earnestly.

"How many chances do I have to give you? I can't keep getting by, barely surviving with you hurting me, doing this to me again and again." You reply.

"I just need you to know that I am so sor- I mean, very regretful of the way I treated you." Beca says, with a clear neediness to her voice.

"I know. You said it before. More than a few times in fact." You say.

"But I need to say it. I know my faults and I know that I've succeeded in messing it all up pretty badly; I know I have."

"It's just so _complicated_ and _I'm_ so tangled up in everything. If possible, it even just got  _more_ difficult, and there is some stuff that even you don't know about and that I'd rather keep you out of, at least for now." Beca rambles, but then stops completely. Her right hand reaching up to grip at her hair, her head bowing, leaning on her hand, temporarily shading her face from your view.

You don't like it.

It makes you feel uneasy; one would assume that it was the words, the flowery speeches that was aiding you in making a decision. While some of the words you could hear coming from her mouth did seem and sounded legit and genuine enough, helping you to start to believe in her and what she was saying. But in truth, what had gotten Beca back in again, back into your "Let's Reconsider This Predicament List." What had really chipped away at you and your resolve was the reading from her, seeing her expressions, interpreting her body language that had given you this sense of knowing of calmness that showed she was for _real_ this time.

It was seeing her up, close and personal.

Her hiding her face from you. This could be the start of her giving in and closing up again even before you had made much progress. She was probably deciding once and for all to not bother with you; after all you were just another added complication for her.

But it seems you needn't have worried in the first place, she doesn't keep it there too long, her hand quickly loosens and she drops it back down to her side and she's also not done with her speech. She's even trying a hand at smiling again.

"But even with everything going on, I can't help myself from hoping, from wishing, no, I just can't help _wanting_ a shot at trying this with you." She walks back across your room and teeters by the end of your bed.

"This being what?" You ask quietly, (though you really feeling like shouting the question out in your longing, your demand to know, to hear more) wondering to yourself if you had heard her correctly when she said she wanted a shot with you.

"Just having 'this'; an understanding, something that we both acknowledge, that allows you, and I to act freely around one another, to be affectionate to, um, to um, hold hands, hug and kiss?" She stakes her claim back at the foot of your bed and sits down pretty heavily.

"Hmm, sounds like something pretty serious, it sounds awfully like a relationship." You say; a sombre tone to your otherwise normal voice.

"Well I am! I am serious!" She says taking your hand, and interlacing them your fingers. You can feel her hands flexing and you notice how her whole body seems to be twitching. You can feel the stillness of the moment, it's almost as if the entire world was awaiting your next move, the room almost seemed to be shivering with anticipation, this was the deciding moment and you can almost taste the electrical charge in the air. Everything feels tentative and nervous. And terribly exciting. To be honest you're more scared than ever.

It was scary because your decision could change everything. And while you would want to give in and be all rash with the decisions, well, that certainly changes everything; your heart acknowledges her admissions as truth.

She's not looking at you. Her attentions fixed on your palm; seeming to find it very interesting. You find yourself lifting her face so you could see hers clearly and you see it there in her eyes.

Everything has changed. Yet nothing has changed. You're still the same people but this; this was definitely a new stage in your relationship.

It all started with the offer; the one that Beca was being brave enough to put it out there. She wants this, she wants you. She wanted this _with_ you.

But she had hurt you. The damage she had caused, you are pretty sure can't be erased so early and easily. Your heart had a thousand little cracks in it.

"You hurt me-" You say.

"-I won't say sorry, not only because I totally maxed out that words' usage over the past day or so but because the word itself doesn't cover it. No actually, in truth there aren't enough words in the English language and no lengthy enough apology that can cover or express my thoughts properly. It's not enough. I should've been a better friend, a kinder person. Just someone _better_ towards you, _for_ you. I shouldn't have taken out everything on you; you are the best thing in my life, the best thing that has ever happened to me, I've been alone for so long, and yet I was pushing you away, trying to run because, well, you scare me Chloe. _It_ scares me how you make me feel. _You_ make me feel so much and, and um, all that mixed with everything the pressure I'm under-"

"-And what about Jesse?" You bravely voice one of the many things that you are still holding back, something that's still keeping you from letting her in again. She falters for a beat of a second, but then her eyes find yours and you can almost see the decision passing through her mind, she nods to herself before she answers.

"You were right, I don't like, I mean I don't, um want …" She sighs, clearly unsure of how she wants to word it. "... he's not right for me."

You feel something shift inside your brain, like the last few words register in a place you weren't aware of before. And now everything is hitting you so much harder and faster than ever before.

"Because Chloe, you're the one that I want, you are the one that I want, ooh, ooh, ooh honey." She says, half singing the words to you. She has a semi embarrassed but tentatively playful smile on her face.

You are still caught in between everything that's happening; all that's coming true for you, the confusion, the new feelings, the admissions, the complete turnaround of it all.

She clears her throat when she sees the look on your face (everything is clearly written there, you've simply given up trying to hide it) and continues on in a normal tone

"He's not right for me. He's not the one I want to be with, not when, um, not when, _you_ are it. And to be honest you have been for quite a while now."

Your heart's thudding.

Oh shit! You should be glad but everything's just taken you by storm. Now she's _said_ it and you've _heard_ it, it's taken you an even longer time to accept it, that everything, all you ever wanted and waited for was coming true for you, it was actually happening to you _right now_ and you're almost tempted to pinch yourself but no, if this was a dream, you want to revel and just float in it for a while longer.

She wants you! She really does!

"Do you hear me?! I'm saying it! As loud and clear as I dare with your psycho roommate in the next room. You are _it_ for me, Chloe. You are it! I don't want anyone else. Just you. Only you." She says, all the while her giddy laughter is lacing her words but then she tries a much more serious face. "But that is of course ... if you'll have _me?_ "

You can't remember a time when you have moved so fast. When your body finally gives in, when it finally moves in accordance with your deeper inner suppressed thoughts and makes the connection between your heart and now fully awake mind, when your lips do meet it has none of the urgency, the sadness, the roughness of the first two kisses shared between the two of you. This one is soft, sweet and patient, breaking through the daze, the trancelike situation you had been in.

From the first touch, the little sigh of relief that follows when your mouth and hers come together; her lips holding yours between hers perfectly, you don't even have to move, you're enjoying breathing it in and you're content with this slight pressure; her light kisses slowly peppering the expanse of your lips like she's taking time to familiarize herself with them.

But then Beca brings up her hand to cup your face to deepen the kiss, titling your face to go in at a different angle and you follow her lead to accommodate, her tongue peeks out to lick your bottom lip and you immediately grant her access … you both let out almost similar groans as you unhurriedly explore the confines of each other's mouths.

It's tantalising slow. It's delectably soft. And it's beautiful the way she runs her fingers through your hair, gently exploring your face with her fingers and pressing closer to you.

Each movement you make is to confirm to yourself that this was really happening; that you were really here experiencing it all.

She's not stopping, not letting you go; as if she won't be denied her prize. She holding you so tightly, as if she is afraid you'll leave. While you on the other hand know that you have nowhere else you'd want to be at that precise moment. She snakes a hand around your shoulders, pulling you closer to her as she deepens the kiss. You can hear her breathing more heavily and as you place a hand on her back of her neck, you can feel her pulse thumping. You risk a peek at her face as your mouths move together in perfect symmetry, enjoying the taste of each other. She has her eyes closed but obviously senses you looking at her as hers snap open and all you see is dark, dark blue and the entrance to her soul.

"I'm glad we had this talk." You say rather breathless, when you do finally pull away. You rest your forehead on hers, your eyes closing as you try to settle your erratic heartbeat.

"Me too." She says and you can hear it, and you can even feel her smiling, the joy radiating from her. You open your eyes to meet hers, to see it; and she's beaming, beautiful, her eyes sparkling with happiness, cheeks flushed, her lips red and swollen.

"God, you're so beautiful." You murmur, unable to stop the words spilling from your lips. You both stiffen but Beca's body relaxes faster than yours. It takes you a few seconds longer to unfreeze, which only happens after she's given you that reassuring half smile of hers. It's funny, after all that has happened, and all you had just shared, that you can still feel embarrassed at the thought of your thoughts, and your true feelings slipping unhindered out of your mouth, revealing how terrifically buzzed and slightly anxious you feel inside because of how new everything was.

You're still breathing hard; she doesn't help by placing her hand on your cheek and rubbing her thumb over your skin.

"And you are really, well you're simply gorgeous! Everything about you is just stunning." She says looking playful and sweet before her eyes take on that mischievous sparkle, promising so much. She's smirking, before leaning in to press unchaste kisses all over, wherever she can reach, peppering your face and your neck. "The colour spilling on your cheeks, it's so lovely." She says in between kisses, her voice so warm and velvety.

You can feel yourself floating, you are drifting miles away. Lost in happy thoughts.

"You okay there?! I didn't like make you short circuit or anything, did I?" She then asks.

"As if-" You begin to answer, ready to mock her question.

"-I totally rocked your world-" She interrupts, a certain lightness to her voice you had forgotten about.

"-Really? Rocked my world, you actually say that?!" You allow yourself to laugh a little.

"And I do it really well too!" She says, a false seriousness to her voice matching her expression. You find yourself laughing, rolling your eyes.

"Just so you know I'm the one who totally rocked your world!" You say.

"Care to prove me wrong?" She says before delving right in for another kiss.

Moments later, you're just lying there together, gently rolling on the bed, now literally rocking each other's world.

No, not _that_ kind of rocking, not just yet!

But you are on your bed, moving easily with each other in a rhythm that just _feels_ right, your leg is straddling hers, your foot gently rubbing on her calf, feeling slightly friction against her skin. You are lying so close, you have become one.

You are so desperate to touch her skin, to feel her real warmth but you also know that she-not just she but the both of you might not be quite ready for that yet(you'd covered so much ground for one night slash day) so you keep your hands on top of her clothes. And luckily so far, she isn't flinching from your touch, pulling away or complaining. If anything, she seems more handsy as well, not afraid to touch the bare skin on your arms and to run a hand lightly over the skin on your thigh. Maybe she really was telling you the truth.

You're not sure what time is it now, or how long you've been laying there as you've lost all sense of time; not quite cuddling but not really spooning, her arms comfortably wrapped around you, her face buried in the crook of your neck. You can't help but tuck a kiss on to the top of her head.

"What time is it now?" You ask.

"I don't really care, do you?" Beca says looking up to give you a smile before she burrows back to your neck. She brushes her lips against your neck, presses a light kiss there; unconsciously finding _that_ magic spot of yours.

It makes you tremble slightly.

"You cold? You want a blanket?" She whispers, her breath doesn't help, you feel warmth, then cold pass over you; feeling goose bumps erupt all over.

"No! You're keeping me quite warm."

"Just warm huh? It's okay we can work towards the heat. I guarantee we'll reach scalding hot! But maybe some other time." She laughs, but it's a low laugh and her eyes are darkly intense again.

' _Some other time'._ Wait! Time! She almost made you forget.

"So I think you should probably creep back out to the sofa. Aubrey tends to do routine checks after she goes to the bathroom for her early morning pee." You say urgently.

"But I like it here!" She half whines.

"Trust me you don't wanna get caught by Aubrey-"

"-Yeah!" She says her face twisting, probably remembering how bad Aubrey can get.

"You need to go." You urge again, acutely aware and honestly a little bit fearful of Aubrey's strict routine.

You're right!" A sly smile appears on her mouth, before she's pressing yet another kiss to your mouth. This time you pull away, because you know if you don't, she wouldn't be leaving the room any time soon.

She makes a tiny little groan of protest and you give her a tiny little kiss to her forehead (you don't miss her trying to tilt her face to meet your lips).

"Fine! I'm going." You can hear her protest and you're wondering what's taking her so long in the darkness. Beca fumbles. You'd think Beca's eyes would have adjusted to the dim hue in your room by now but she's still unfamiliar with the layout, but then there's a loud squeal as she takes a stumble, tripping over something solid by the door.

You both listen in to see if the sound had woken Aubrey up but there's no stirring in the house. You turn on the light in your room and you find Beca seated on the floor holding onto her foot.

"Ow, shit, what was that? I think I stepped on something sharp protruding from this plastic bag."

"Oh! I think it was the framed poster that I uh, stashed away-"

"-You put my Broadway poster in a garbage bag?" She says bending at the knee then looking through the contents of the plastic bag. "Wait, not just my Broadway poster? All my stuff?"

"Let me explain. Wait no, I don't have to explain myself but yes, I was furious with you okay? Also I think I downed several pints of ice cream, so in my defence, I may not have been in control of my actions!"

Her eyebrows come together trying to figure out the logic behind that statement; how could the consumption of ice cream result in any of that, but then she sighs, nodding her head as if understanding.

"Yeah, I think I totally deserve the cut of my foot."

"It's doesn't look too deep, just a nick but I need to do a more thorough exam to make sure that no glass went inside. I'll have to clean it out with alcohol then put a band aid on it." You leave your bed to get everything, but there's her hand stilling you.

"It's fine! It's stopped bleeding; it's no biggie."

"You're hurt! Don't downplay the pain."

"Fine, I'll take the alcohol and the band aid." You find your stock in one of your drawers, you start to bend down to touch her foot but she sticks a hand out to receive the band aid and the alcohol, so she could do it instead.

Still she allows you to inspect her handiwork when she's finished.

"Okay it's good, does it still sting?"

"It's nothing."

"Stop saying it's _nothing_! I swear if you keep up this tough act, I'll keep pouring more alcohol till you react like a normal person-"

"-I meant that it's nothing compared to everything I put you through." Beca says, her entire face the picture of remorse. She's pensive now and nibbles on her bottom lip as she drifts far away seeming getting pulled by other thoughts, other memories.

You keep silent; observing her till she looks back at you, her face sudden clears smooth of worry like everything suddenly made sense. As if she had come up with something brilliant as an answer, like she had come to a decision. Her set mouth is pulled into one of those Beca Mitchell bright smiles; genuine and effortless.

"I know this night's only the start to the whole making up to you and I've barely scratched the surface and I know I still have no right to impose things because this a very free, open to any kind of input kinda thing, but can you humour me?"

You're hesitant in answering because she looks so earnest, so serious that you're scared at what she'll ask of you, afraid because you know you'll agree without batting an eyelash. You are slightly afraid for what's to come next.

You nod regardless of your feelings.

"Seeing as we have a day off in a couple of days from now, can I take you somewhere special?" Beca asks you. You almost exhale loudly, but instead you breathe a sigh of relief. Okay, that wasn't such a big deal. It was a simple enough request. But your curiosity is piqued though.

"Where?"

"A place of beginnings; of sanctum." She says, mysteriously.

"I still don't know where that is." You begin to say but your words falter when you hear the creaking of a door that is not your own. You wait as you listen to Aubrey's sleepy, shuffling footsteps leading to your shared bathroom. Only when that door closes do you push at Beca to leave the room immediately. She does finally but not before placing one lingering kiss on the side of your mouth.

"More of that later, gorgeous!" She whispers before tiptoeing, and then she almost runs across the wooden floor light enough on her toes to avoid Aubrey's radar before you hear the soft groan of her weight as she settles on the sofa.

You sink back into your covers, a warmth in your heart for the first time, almost excited for the promise of tomorrow.

* * *

The next time your eyes open you expect to see the sunlight leaking into your room; you'd even expected that after all that had happened the night before, that you'd sleep in until late into the morning or even into the afternoon.

So you're very surprised when, not only do you wake up and see that it's still dark outside, it almost seems and feels like no time has passed at all. You check the clock to make sure and yet it only confirmed it.

_'That's just weird!'_ You think wearily; your mind working double time to make sense of what was going on.

In fact, with the stillness of the night … the confusion and the anticipation you're suddenly feeling, everything seems oddly similar to what you were feeling right before Beca had snuck into your room in the middle of the night and confessed to how she really felt about you.

You snort.

"Yeah right, like that would even happen!" You say out loud, the words sounding strangely familiar, before you turn over in your bed and begin to drift off again.

Then you sit bolt upright, fully awake; your eyes snapping open and your heart pounding in your chest.

Wait a minute; it _had_ happened, hadn't it?

Hadn't Beca come to you? Delivered some epic lines. You remember responding favorably and giving in easily.

But apparently she hadn't! It's finally hitting you. All she had done and all she had said All that had happened wasn't real. It was a dream. You had been having a dream, the wildest dream ever. But it had seemed, no it had _felt_ so real.

God, your dreams sometimes, they were so very vivid. Everything still felt so ... fresh.

And you're once again undecided as to how you really feel about that. Mostly absolutely pathetic for dreaming up such a sappy scenario, and other parts severely annoyed at yourself topped off with just a tiny, miniscule hint of regret; but for what you weren't quite ready to acknowledge just yet.

Now, going back to the dream, you didn't like how helpless you had felt and how easily swayed you were. Because seriously, if that had happened in real life, you'd like to think you wouldn't have given so easily. Or not have given in at all.

' _No sir, you wouldn't let Beca get a word in. You're beyond pissed at her remember?'_ You chastise yourself.

You get up, walk to your door and you're just about to try the knob to make sure that it was locked this time around when the door knob turns on its own.

_"Oh my God! Seriously?!"_ You think to yourself. _"It's happening again?"_

And then bam! The door starts to push open and you only just manage to put your hand out, to stop it from opening and then there's a force pushing against it but you don't give in, you don't let up and push back _hard_. You even put your entire body weight against it. You can hear the soft breaths of effort from the other side, leaving you in no doubt who it was behind the door. Why you didn't lock it sooner or before you went to sleep was beyond you.

"Chloe?" Beca's voice comes whispery soft. The pushing halting momentarily, which you take full use of. And you finally, successfully pop the door shut. "Are, um, are you ... why are you blocking the door?" She asks, sounding so very confused. Yeah, she wasn't alone, you were too ... confused that is, and weirded out by this entire situation. It was a complete role reversal. The two of your opposing forces; her trying so hard to get in, and you trying so hard to keep her out.

When you think about it, it wasn't just the metaphorical wants or force of Beca's opposing yours; it was also two different parts of you warring with the other.

The Old Chloe and the New Chloe. The old one was understanding, forgiving Chloe; who gave people opportunities to redeem themselves; who was weak and meek and helpless when it came to this girl.

Granted New Chloe was still that _New_ ; but she was also tenacious. She had been creeping up, steadily forming over the past few weeks. She was the one who had kicked it off who had finally grown wary and decided that Beca and all of her troubles weren't worth it; the one who was fed up and above all furious.

You're wondering in the end who would let up. No, you know ... who wouldn't let up.

"I don't want you to come in." You answer honestly.

You hear a huff on the other side of the door.

"What _are_ you doing anyway?" You spit out. You press your ear closer to the door to hear her reply.

"I thought I'd-" She doesn't get far before you cut across her.

"-Creep in like some roguish thief, stealing into my room in the middle of the night, with your flowery words, ready to take advantage of me and my unhindered sleepy state trying to get me to easily let you in and just let go of all your past sins?" You say, getting a bit carried away and letting your mouth run away with you.

"Huh? Wait! What?" Beca said, clearly confused.

"Never mind." You sigh, your brain is all caught up in the dream and you're rather pissed off that you're letting yourself get affected by it.

Really, it's not as if you'll make the same choices. You wouldn't let Beca get that far. In fact, you could say that you had already succeeded. Step one: Keep door closed. Check. Well, almost, there was still another step. Step two: Get rid of Beca.

Beca who in coming to your door (as she had in the dream) had probably thought that she was all set to getting in your good graces, she probably thought she was going to have it easy.

"I guess kinda, um, I do want that. Really I do."

"Well, you do sound mightily sure and totally convincing I'll give you that." You say, the sarcasm, the snark coming easily inspired by your lack of sleep and the severe annoyance for the person behind it.

"Chloe?"

"Go back to the couch Beca."

You leave it at that choosing not to say anything else, you wait hoping she'll just take the hint and leave but minutes pass, you still see the shadow of her figure through the tiny crack of the door blocking the light from the living room. You're at a standoff waiting each other out.

"I guess I'm just going to have to sleep here then." She says after a while, her voice muffled as if she is whispering through the crack in the door.

You let out a sigh of annoyance when you finally give up the not talking thing.

"Why are you still here? What do you expect is gonna happen?"

"I guess mostly I just want to talk and stuff." She says hesitating, and tentative, threading, maybe knowing how precariously fine a line she was perching on, although her next words aren't quite so contrite. "But it's really up to you if you want to listen. Just hear me out, okay?"

You don't know why that completely irks you enough that you finally let the door open, yanking it unceremoniously viciously backward.

You immediately regret the action when it causes the doorframe to rattle a little; Beca stumbles, she manages to right herself soon enough. But you don't really care about the latter part, you're far more concerned over another matter.

You both glance sideways, staring cautiously at Aubrey's bedroom door while your heart's thudding fiercely expecting incoming Aubrey danger if she catches you consorting with the enemy. You both wait a few more seconds and then both let out similar sighs of relief when it seems like the danger has passed entirely.

"I think we should move this inside so we don't risk waking her up." Beca says, a hint of a smile playing on her lips.

"You have some nerve saying that to me!" You hiss."You have no right saying anything at all and don't you take that playful, carefree, flirty … _that_ tone and that manner with me."

She opens her mouth to retaliate (though it was probably her mouth falling open in shock) but you don't let her.

"No! You can't talk! Shut up. I will do the talking here; and you can respond if or when I allow you to. Because you don't get the right to initiate conversations anymore because one; you aren't out of the doghouse; two, you are definitely not in my good favor and three; you see the thread of where I'm going with this? Basically what I'm saying is that, you and me, we aren't okay. So no flirting, no joking or _singing_ , no _nothing_ from you. And just saying whatever's going to happen, I promise you that you will definitely not have any control whatsoever over what goes down between us!" You say all of this in one go and take a sharp intake of breath at the end. It's a miracle how you manage to keep your voice low enough, in a volume that doesn't hurt your throat.

"I just meant that-" She begins weakly. You swear that you can hear stirring going on behind Aubrey's door, you cover Beca's mouth, muffling her next words with your hand and you roll your eyes. She was right; this wouldn't work if you wanted to lay it on her hard. You couldn't do that quietly and without being caught out here. You pull your hand away but not before you send her a stern look, your finger to your mouth then move out of the way; an unmistakable invitation to come inside your room.

You close your door behind her softly, taking a moment to breathe, resting your head on your door to steady yourself before you need to turn to face Beca who you can feel staring, waiting along with the pile of issues that only seemed to be accumulating, growing larger and larger behind you.

You have to keep steady, if you wanted this to go how you envisioned, with your wits about you. You had to still yourself against Beca and be the one to control this, to be in charge. You won't let her get out what she wants to say without you unloading first, saying your piece.

The dream's still fresh in your mind, you know what would happen if it were otherwise. You won't let Beca pull you in so easy. You can't let her make you weak again. You erase the memory of her lips form your mind.

You start pacing, somehow managing not to make eye contact. You need to keep moving, you want to walk off the buzzing energy that somehow can't be contained.

"Chloe, I'm so-" Beca tries.

"-No!" You all but shout. You sense Beca jump. Sense her opening her mouth again and before you know it, you're turning sharply, hands waving wildly trying to motion for her to stop. "Don't you _dare_ start with one of your 'I'm sorry' speeches. I swear to God if you do..."

You'd be fine never hearing those two words again. You think she had put you off of them for a long time maybe even for life.

There's a pause perhaps Beca had lost her nerve and was gaging to see if it were alright to speak again, when she opened her mouth she almost immediately closed it, floundering for her next words; _figures_ how she only had that one speech in mind, thinking so very naively that the two words could still make everything okay.

Beca takes a breath before she gives it another try. You clench your fists. Trying to retain what was left of your sanity.

"Look, I know I don't deserve to say anything or even more so to ask anything _of_ you and I don't have any more-"

"-So don't! Shut your trap! But wait, first, before you do that … can we just cut the crap? What is it you want?" You snap. "But no, wait, it's always unclear isn't it. What you want I mean, and for once I want it to be all about what _I_ want. And you know what I want; straight, clear answers and no beating around the bush. What is it you want? What did you come here for?"

You find the question hangs in the air for a long moment. Beca looks you directly in the eye.

"You."

_'Bull … shit!'_ You think, fiercely and resume really need to keep up the momentum; though for some reason your legs feel weak but the last thing you wanted to do was sink to your bed and have Beca join you there. You weren't entirely sure how strong your resolve was, the ache in your heart betraying what was in your head. Out of the corner of your eye you see Beca hovering just by your bed. She doesn't sit

"No." You say sternly, despite the tiny tug in your belly. "That can't just be your answer, Monosyllables are unacceptable."

"I want a chance then, with you."

"That's bullshit!" You exclaim, your bitter thoughts now rising to your mouth.

"Chloe …" She pleads. "... please."

You finally come to a stop, faltering when you look into her shiny eyes. ' _Don't be fooled, don't get lured in. Just stop looking into her eyes. it's dangerous to you.'_ It froze you all over; she was like Medusa.

You reinforce your resolve. Her power works but it's your heart and your face that hardens, forming a sneer.

"Well _sorry_ Beca, see what I did there complete disregard of the words meaning, 'cos sorry but I'm not sorry because in case you missed everything that's been going on all this time and especially these past few days; you don't get off with it that easily. I'm not going to make it so easy for you with your vague freaking answers. It can't be like that, it won't ever be that simple again." You say slowly and clearly so that the message hits her and everyone else concerned i.e. yourself.

"And you _,_ you actually had me _already_!" You stop yourself from finishing your own sentence; you had been determined not to let the conversation stray that way. Otherwise you'd find yourself heading towards the place where carefully composed 'you' went to die, that would render you too emotional, and would cause the carefully constructed walls;the only thing holding you up, and was holding everything in-to break.

But it seems you had failed. You had felt it building before. But now you allow it to consume you fully. To let all the anger that had been overpowered by everything else so glaringly absent from your dream leak out.

"You _had_ all of me, I was your friend, I was there for you every step of the way." You begin slowly, the words coming from the back of your throat. "And it wasn't just because I had feelings for you, it was because you and our friendship actually meant something to me and I thought It-that _I_ meant something to you."

You swallow thickly to dispel whatever it was blocking it, to put out the heat that had been steadily rising.

"You were, I mean, I thought that, that we had established some sort of bond. I felt a closeness with you like I'd never felt with anyone before and the first few weeks were fine … they were more than fine, they were almost perfect ..." ' _like something out of a dream_ ' the words get caught up in your throat. You stop to recuperate, because for some reason your voice was coming out too weak now too thin, your throat was now too pinched up to allow the force that your next words needed.

You breathe in and out quickly, shakily. You feel the dizziness threatening to overcome you spots appearing behind your eyes. Beca moves your way, you hold up one finger warning her to back off.

Why was this so hard. Hating her. The anger. The putting her in her place. When it was so easy for her to do this to you.

The returning feeling of betrayal of hurt jolts you pushes you past that mild discomfort at the back of your throat, past the haze that had threatened to pull you under.

"But then since the Barb scandal and every moment after that, you chose to ignore me, to push me away and then you acted like a total _bitch_!"

Beca winces.

"It wasn't just the rejection, because, thank you _Beca Mitchell_ for making it clear by making me feel, no, making me _know_ that I'm not good enough, that I'm not worthy of your attention. I get it. I think I could've handled that but you had to rub everything in my face, constantly humiliating me, playing with my emotions, giving me hope and then yanking it away and it's not just confusing anymore, it's fucking annoying ... and I'm. So. Fucking. Sick. Of. It!"

You pause for a second to collect yourself.

"And by all accounts I have the right to hate you. I should be able to hate you, to absolutely loathe you from here on out until the rest of eternity." Your eyes flick up to see the openly, frankly stunned expression on Beca's face.

She swallows hard. Her knees give way as she falls to your bed. She looked exhausted.

You keep your face neutral as it can be, trying to put on your own mask of indifference observing her as if she were a lesser being, undeserving of your sympathy. You disregard her beautiful face and try to ignore the hint of anything that made her appear human, made her something you'd feel sorry for but it was almost impossible when all you encounter; can see and feel is her sadness; her cloudy eyes, her pale countenance, her wrinkled forehead and shaky, trembling body.

You screw your eyes shut tightly against the image.

"But I can't-" You say, a momentary slip, a reveal into what you couldn't help feeling, you pause but then speak over your words trying to cover up from your slip. "-can't help wanting to get to the bottom of everything to justify if all the hate is warranted. I want to know your reasons, your motive behind everything. You seem to have it in for me. Me especially, I mean. Why did you treat me like this?" Your words once again get caught in your throat. This time it hurts to swallow, everything hurts not just the words being squeezed out through your too tight throat. "What the fuck did I ever do to you? What did I do to deserve all this?"

You pause for a moment while the words hang in the air.

"I mean, what game you are playing?" You ask, still letting everything out. "Because I can't seem to get the rules. It seems like you're the only who knows all of them, that's why you get to play me is that right? And this, isn't this just another one of your plays?"

"Chloe, I'm not playing. I never played you. I know it's hard to believe but I've been completely genuine in my regard towards you. I've been completely myself with you, more than I have been with anyone else in a long time."

"Wow lucky me!" You say, your legs carrying you closer when you march towards her, fueled by your anger, "So, you're being genuine towards me, the whole snapping at me, cutting me down, ignoring me, saying hurtful things, that's how you really are like. I really had you pegged all wrong."

"No!" She exclaims and you laugh disbelievingly, half turning away in disgust. "Well, okay then yes, yes I am. I mean, I'm owning it ... I can be the spoiled selfish little rich bitch that you accused me to be." You're still turned away but your ears perk to attention for the first time interested in what she was saying. "The thing is, I thought I'd grown out of it; I thought that I had learned to have a handle on things and I could be in control of my limits. Well, I used to be able to. It was something I'd perfected over the years. But somehow these days, with you, with everything that's going on, and all at the same time, it's just ... it all just seemed to bring out the worst in me. For the first time I don't really know what I'm doing. I'm flailing, I'm flat out struggling and it's overwhelming, and I do get overwhelmed. I'm only human. And I know that in no way does that excuse or forgive my actions, I know they're inexcusable, and above all, unforgivable."

She ran her hand through her hair and you watched as her eyes darted about everywhere, as she tried to find the words to voice the rest of what she wanted to say.

"It all just sucks … I _suck_ and you know me; the emotionally stunted basket case. I can't handle things, I can't deal and you were the unfortunate victim to the backlash of everything blowing up in my face. You were caught in the crossfire, the slow destruction that is the mess I get to call my life."

She paused for a moment to wet her lips. Here her eyes find yours, they're not teary but her voice is low almost resigned and she pulls you in.

"I thought I had a say in my life that I had control … I thought I could make it all work out. But my best intentions always get messed up. Always." She smiles wryly but quickly drops it. "Believe me; I never wanted any of this to happen ... not with us." Her voice is raspy now. She clears her throat twice. "I've always tried to keep an eye out. I didn't want you to get caught up in any of this. But you did. Cos I failed, _I'm_ a failure."

"What is this?" You ask not able to stand any of this any longer, "Are you trying to gain some points by targeting my sympathy towards your freaking depressing life story, which is just low and pretty desperate even for you?"

You don't even have it in you at this point to feel bad about that cloud of hurt that passes over her face.

"And yes, we all are so very informed already with all your hang-ups. But no, apparently there was something that _I_ did. Just me doing something to incur your wrath. What was my great offense towards you?"

"You didn't do anything ... it wasn't your fault." Beca sighed heavily, tucking some loose hair behind her ears.

"None of it was. It was, um, all this is on me and you shouldn't have to go because of it, because of what I did. Me. My actions. I was the one who did wrong. And you shouldn't have to suffer for it. I'm not worth leaving the competition over! You can't, you have to stay. Please stay."

" _That's_ the real reason why you came here tonight? To talk me out of leaving? So the team isn't put in jeopardy or something?" You're supposed to feel glad that you finally have a clue as to why she was really here but you don't know why you feel oddly disappointed. It's not like you were expecting this situation to play out exactly like the dream. You sneer trying to cover up the confusion you were feeling. "That's your real concern, ensuring your place, maintaining your chances in the competition. Wow! So this was all for show. Just when I thought you couldn't get any worse!"

"You're not hearing me here." Beca cuts you off impatiently. " _I_ want you to stay. Me. I. Want. You. To. Stay."

"The whole team being in jeopardy comes second to that because you totally deserve to be there. You have worked hard to get where you are. Think of what you've already accomplished. How you succeeded, overcame it all even with the nodes and everything else. You more than deserve the chance, the opportunity to keep proving Barb and all those other naysayers wrong. Because we both know that you have what it takes, that you can, that you _are_ going to make it all the way to the finals. And I'm not just saying that as your coach … that being said, don't you dare think that I don't care about what's happening with you, with _us_ more than I care about what will happen in the entire competition."

You dare not breathe, feeling totally unprepared as Beca reveals a lot more to you than you dared to expect to hear from her.

"And that's what's complicated you see; with me trying to separate the 'us' from the 'them', balancing being your coach and being your _friend_ … cos I can't seem to come across as impartial. It got to me how people thought I'd ever let you pass through just because I liked you. I mean I did like you, I … _do_ … like you but it had nothing at all to do with staying in the competition. I just so happened to like a girl who just so happened to be part of the competition where I was serving as coach. I thought I could try to erase how much you meant to me by being more of a coach so people wouldn't think I was treating you differently. My feelings; liking you, it's been a mixture of guilt, of self-loathing, denial … I didn't mean for any of this to happen. "

"Well I'm sorry you feel that way." You say, almost startled by her speech and the amount she had to say.

She pauses while you take all the words in. Her words come out low and raspy.

"I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry at all. I came running after you because of how we left it, pure and simple. I hate what happened. I hate that it got that bad between us, that I let us even reach that point." She gulps visibly and you notice the tiny strain around her eyes. " Believe me, I hate, I regret everything that I said."

She looks to you expecting something, a response perhaps, but you shake your head not knowing what to say, hardly knowing how to correctly form words at the moment. You focus your gaze back down at the floor.

"Please, you know that I didn't mean any of it. If I could somehow take it back, I would. I was just, I dunno, I was carried away with the lie and with trying to cover it up. I've been in denial about how I've been feeling, what I've been hiding for a long, long time. It's my fault"

"Yeah you're right; it was your fault, it was you who made everything all shitty." You say angrily, fitting your hands on your hips as you remember the times she has pushed you away.

She visibly winced at your tone and looks to the floor as you begin your tirade.

"Or was it me? I don't know because I expected so much out of you. Because I thought you were someone else. You know what though? You knew about how I felt all this time. And you chose to ignore my feelings in place of your own. Yes, you are Beca Mitchell, Badass DJ and actress but even you shouldn't be that cruel to continually put your own feelings above everything when someone practically gives you their heart on a platter. It doesn't really matter anymore. You know after all the words we exchanged, what you said and my own feelings; we can't have anything left to say to each other. There's nothing that you can say to change my mind."

"But I thought after what I said, the latter part I mean, and all the stuff I, uh, sprang on you on your doorstep-" Beca began.

"-You remember that? Wait, weren't you completely trashed?" You ask, surprised.

"The whole 'when we kissed I never wanted it to stop'." She nods slightly to indicate her meaning. "Of course I do. I was drunk and all that but, of course I remember what I said It almost felt like the first time I spilled out my thoughts, the truth without stopping myself, without having to filter anything out. It was like some weird out of body experience. I was totally aware of my actions and to a point, what I was saying as well. Of course if I were sober I would've versed everything differently, a little more eloquently. But the sentiment was there and I got my message across-"

"-So you told me you liked me, your real feelings but you really had to be drunk just to be able to do that?" You ask. "You had to let us get to this ..."

"But I meant everything. I _do_ want to be with you." Beca's eyes darkens two shades and you found yourself forcing your brain to think about anything but that.

You shake your head. You try to block her out, raising your hands over your ears and you are about to start 'lalalalaing' when she stands to pull them loose, to hold them in her own shaky ones. You pull them back but she holds on determinedly. You raise your eyes trying to will for her to let go. She only squeezes your hand firmly but gently.

"I want to try a hand at this, at us. I know you don't want to forgive me, that you don't trust me anymore, or at all for now. It's just, I'm asking if you could just let me prove myself, and I know my promise right now my word doesn't seem to be worth as much, in fact anything at all , but I promise you that I am gonna work at this, that I will make me more dependable. I'll be the-"

You finally yank them free and this time take her previous place on your bed. She knows better than to join you there. You let your heavy head fall resting it in your hands. Beca's hovering above you, through the gap of your hands you see her hand raise seconds later you feel her hand rubbing along your back which relaxes almost immediately, entirely against your will.

You snap yourself out of it not too long after, pulling away and her hand drops to the bed.

"-And after all of the shit you put me through you thought it would be that easy?" You grit out through your teeth, "What did you think would happen? I'd let it go, fall into your arms and we'd what, uh, live happily ever after?" You say spitefully.

"I'd hoped that you would find it in you, in that golden heart of yours, to give me another chance so that I can explain things and begin to make things up to you."

"Find it in my what? My _golden heart_ to forgive you? You kidding me?" You laugh mockingly. "And why should I give you that. And what's changed anyhow? What made you come now?"

"I got so tired of running and I'm done doing that 'cos trying to keep away from you, all this time, it's been so exhausting!"

She really does look it.

"I was scared." Beca continued, taking the opportunity to unload everything she needed to say. "I am scared ... of everything; what this could do, what it could mean. I've tried so hard to push it all down to the pit of my stomach, to forget. I wish it were that easy. It almost seemed easier trying to be indifferent...to be normal, to conform to what people expect of me … because everything I do is scrutinised and I have to provide answers for my actions to everyone."

"Then-" You began to speak.

"-No, let me finish please Chloe. I was denying myself so bad cos I wanted it, I needed you so bad. And yet I still have obligations, there are so many boundaries that I can't break and I could lose so much … we both could. I was trying to make a safe break to pull away but you wouldn't let me. You wouldn't be deterred. But I had to I don't know protect you but by pushing you away, I... pushed _too hard."_ Her voice turns small, shameful."And Ipushed you past your breaking point ... I never thought I'd be successful. I didn't realise how good I had gotten at this lying to myself, lying to you and-"

"-What do you want a gold star with that? An oscar for your performance? You proud of yourself?" You snap and she blanches.

"You really … think … I wanted to hurt you!? It made me sick to my stomach." You want to laugh at that but the pain in your chest won't allow it. Instead you deliver your next line deadly serious.

"And how do you think I felt huh? And really does that makes it better? You still hurt me. That doesn't go away no matter what your excuse is...and really I can't tell if you're being genuine right now." It's almost scary how calm you sound as opposed to how you're really feeling.

Look at that, you were putting on quite the performance, feeling like quite the accomplished little actress, Beca was rubbing off on you again.

Her face is pained.

"You dont know how much ... I _hate_ myself for what I did to you."

"Well that makes two of us. But you were saying. I interrupted you, how rude of me. Do go on. You didn't realise you were such a good liar until something something."

She continues but it's like the heart had gone out of her.

"When you slapped me and ran away from me. I couldn't even think about everything else anymore. Only that you weren't there anymore, that I had succeeded way past my expectations and that you really didn't want anything to do with me anymore. And I realized that I didn't care about anything else as much as I cared about the fact that 'we' …" Beca indicates lamely between the two of you. "... weren't okay." Her voice trails off and she stops speaking altogether.

Beca runs her hands through her hair and you watch as her eyes dart about the room.

It takes her what seems like such a long moment to you to summon the courage to start speaking again.

"I told you earlier about my fears, what scares me. But what I failed to say was that the thing that scared me, _scares_ me the most …" She continues. "... now more than ever is the thought that I've succeeded in losing you for good and all because-"

She stops speaking and shakes her head quickly, as if she was trying to dislodge bad thoughts. Why was she doing this-it was pointless. You were going around in circles. You don't know what she hoped to happen, you were being very clear shooting her down at every opportunity.

"You _told_ me you didn't want anything to do with me, that you were better off without me, and you don't have to take it back because I actually agree with you.I know now, more than ever, that's it's true … with all that you're telling me you're only confirming … reinforcing the idea that we aren't good for each other. That we don't work."

"What I told you … it was my last shot at self preservation. My last shot of trying to pull away. All this time, it's been about that. I've tried desperately to hold myself back." Beca admits. "I was protecting myself from how I felt, how I still … how I've always felt, because you make me feel ... alive. So alive. And I can _feel_ everything. There aren't words to describe what it is you do to me; you make me just feel a lot and I was trying so desperately, scrambling for the right words to keep you away... I knew it would only serve to hurt me more but the thing is, I only hurt myself in the long run staying away."

Those were want too many feels in one go. But like she said she was scared-she'd never be brave enough to-

" I don't want to be scared anymore." she answers like she had heard you, like she had a direct line to your head, "I'm done hiding. I want to just be … with you. Just you. Only you."

You're almost startled by how in tune she was to your thoughts at times. You'd almost forgotten. And almost like a trigger another important issue comes up,

"Did you happen to forget all about the fiancee you have stashed away somewhere along with your other luggage perhaps?" You can't help yourself but throw that into the mix.

"I can't ever forget about Jesse. He's a great guy. I know he may not seem it, but he is loyal, and caring and very, very supportive and very good to me, we have all this history and we've always had our problems but we've stuck it through. We have each others backs no matter what-"

"-Okay, um, why are you telling me all this?" You snap. Her words aren't helping you, like not at all, but her eyes silence you, telling you she wasn't done yet, you're irritated of course but the sudden darkening of her mood, stills you, brings you back down again.

"And I wish ... I wish it were all enough. Because ever since you, it stopped being just enough. Jesse and I aren't the perfect couple that everyone deems us to be. We haven't been that in a long time but getting together then getting back together with him, it seemed like what I was _supposed_ to do. What the world expected. What was expected of me. What was right. And it also seemed like the easy way out; a get out of jail free pass from my dealing with my real feelings … my feelings for you. And when I was with him, It was easier, I could almost forget the ache in my heart. The pain that could be fixed by seeing you."

"That's unfair for you to-"

"-Forgive me when I say this, Chloe, but-I might as well tell you this, get it all off my chest. This is my last shot to convince you of the true nature of my feelings- I wasn't supposed to like you." Your eyebrows raise,

"Not your best opening." You say wryly, almost amused against your will. Beca manages a grimace. And you roll your eyes. "Yeah, go, continue … whatever, like it's going to make a difference anyway."

She kneels beside you now. Settling on one knee. You almost protest, jump up in alarm, a little understandably shocked, but she grabs at your hand, and gently tugs on it an unspoken request for you to sit back down.

"You don't want me to sit next to you and I didn't want to tower over you which Is totally uncharacteristic I should totally be enjoying the rare occasion, but I don't want to remain that way for the remainder of our conversation. I wanted us to be on the same level figuratively ... and literally."

You mutter something under your breath.

"Chloe." She says your name almost like a plea mixed with a warning. "We'll never get anywhere unless you let me finish." She looking on at you patiently. You stand for a few more seconds but then give up and sit on the bed. Seriously. How dare she sound so entirely reasonable? But whatever it's not like you didn't get something out of this the sadist in you is enjoying the thought that Beca's knees would be sore after a while. You hide the smirk and give a nod for her to continue.

She takes a breath and begins again.

"I wasn't supposed to like you." She says almost recites, like she had practiced it perhaps she had. You wouldn't put it past her. It only adds to your growing list of 'Beca not being genuine' moments. It seemed unreal. This all seemed too stilted. It didn't help that her voice was almost monotonous, lifeless.

"Not like this anyway, not with this all too consuming need, this yearning to be with you 're this girl who came into my life and took me by storm from that first time I saw you." Her eyes are trying to read into yours. Does she see only doubt, only distrust in their depths?

She's staring openly at your face. Her own is creased with worry, perhaps knowing already that you had made up your mind. Her voice changes in tone.

"And I just knew that I never stood a chance really. You were funny, clever and so beautiful, there was something about you that just drew me in like, some sort of familiarity and something else; I couldn't quite explain it I thought, for sure it would fade away but it was there, ever present, only growing stronger all the time every second I spent talking, just being with you."

Now, she was trying too hard sounding almost desperate it's almost painful to hear really.

"It scared me how easily I began to let you in and of course afterwards I tried to treat it as though it wasn't such a big deal. I had to keep you at arm's length."

She laughs but it's hollow, lacking mirth. Instead it's filled with watery amusement.

"Well, I tried to, so, so, so desperately, but it turns out I couldn't quite manage it because almost instantaneously at the same time you became my friend, you also became something more."

And yet now even as you try to not believe her, try not to believe in what she's saying, her words are hitting you. where it matters, in the right spot reaching you where they refuse to be unheard.

"It was so overwhelming, when I realized how deeply my feeling ran for you. I fought so hard against it because I never wanted things to change between us. I was scared I'd mess it up." She gives your hand a gentle squeeze.

You look down and see your had still encased in her own. How could you have forgotten all about that, how could you completely overlooked that detail.

How could so many things lead up to this with Beca on her knees before you holding your hand between hers, her face not too far from your own; Like how you'd forgotten to lock the door, no-from the beginning like how you'd let her into your house and then your room when there were several more safe alternatives; alternatives that would've kept you away from her-her away from you- out of harms way.

Your heart's thudding hard now at the realization.

You'd wanted this to happen. No matter how much you'd claimed otherwise. Your heart's thudding hard now at the realization.

"Chloe?" Beca says your name, pulling you out of your thoughts, her hands had moved to cup your cheek. She had moved in closer. You feel her breath on your face. Smell the slight lingering scent of alcohol on her lips. You meet her eyes; read their concern, read the darker familiar hue. You feel the familiar flush; the warmth traveling throughout your body.

No.

No.

You wouldn't play right into her hands. You push away said hands and all the mushiness that only Beca could resort you too,  _forcefully_.

You cross your arms across yourself. Squeezing to hold yourself together to keep yourself whole.

Beca, to her everlasting credit, doesn't question what had happened there, she waits on you as you try to gather your thoughts, as you try to catch your breath

You take in a huge gulp of air. That was so close you almost slipped there.

"I want to believe you. But I just don't know anymore. I'm so tired of everything. I'm sick of you constantly putting me in this position and I'm not sure I can give you what you want. I just don't know. You've sort of used up all your chances."

"Okay ... I understand. I'll just take my leave. It's the least I can do."

"You don't have to leave." You say, your emotions all over the place. Beca stops, quickly turning to you, it's an unmistakable the hopeful expression that passes across it. "I mean, you can do that when it's light outside I guess, um, I dunno, what do you think looks less suspicious?"

Her face returns to her resigned, controlled expression, but she tries a smile.

"Either way it's dangerous but then, I'd like to take my chances here. I'd like to stay, if that's okay?" She softly asks.

"It's fine. Sleep the rest of the night and go in the morning."

"Okay, I appreciate that. I can do that. And Chloe?"

"Hmm?" You mumble into your shoulder. You don't want to look up to show interest so you busy yourself with smoothing your sheets, giving something for you to do with your hands so your mind to be preoccupied with anything else than wanting to stop Beca from leaving. You had had the "dream" where things, this entire conversation, could've gone differently.

"I just wanted to say um, thanks for listening or just keeping an open mind and hearing me out and all that and also for letting the drunken me in. You could've easily just sent me out on my ass."

"No problem." You say, keeping your tone as neutral as possible.

"And just know that I meant what I said, about proving myself. I have every intention of working hard to get you back, to earn your trust again and your faith in me and I just needed you to know that. So now you know and I just, um, yeah."

"Go to bed or um, to the couch Beca. We've exchanged a lot of words and some words weren't the easiest to digest. I just need time to do that so you understand, don't you?" You look into her eyes as you speak.

"Yes of course I do."

"And all the stuff you said to me just now is also just words. I need more than that to back it up-"

"-That's what I'm doing now. If you'd just-" Beca interrupts, you hear the frustration lacing her words, and you're too tired to react on the defensive. You heave a sigh.

"-One day I'll be ready to hear you out again but please, just not today."

"Tomorrow?" Beca asks hopefully.

"Maybe." You say, offering her all that you can right now, which isn't much.

"Maybe?" She asks.

"Maybe." You repeat.

"I'll take a 'maybe' right now. Thank you." Beca says, the slightest hint of a relieved smile on her lips.

You don't realise that you've been staring back at each other a couple of seconds longer than normal till you come to your senses and step away, clearing your throat.

"You better go. Aubrey's going to be up pretty soon. You don't wanna get caught by her, she's not exactly an early morning person, and it doesn't help that you aren't her favorite person, like at all. And she totally wants to 'lay it on you' as she says."

Beca nods in understanding. She too moves away.

"Yeah she should probably get in line; I'm no one's favorite anything at the moment. I'll probably have to get used to the feeling." She says with her old wry, depreciatory tone. She sends a little lopsided smile your way before she starts making her way out of the room. She doesn't get that far before once again stopping.

"Chloe, you never once gave up on me before, you promised you'd be there for me and you were and so now... I promise...that I won't give up on you." She says, her eyes burning an electric blue, sounding entirely sure of herself. "I'll be around. I'm not going anywhere. I'm done running please remember that."

You're almost impressed with her parting speech as she's turning away for the final time, but then Beca's foot happens to catch on one of the plastic bags on her way out there's a muffled little squeal as she takes a stumble, tripping over something solid by the door. There's an unmistakable thump, and then Becas' groan.

"Beca? Are you okay?"

"I think I broke something!"

"Oh my God, what? What hurts?" You say, your hands poised at the ready to soothe. You're patting all around her gently. You're already thinking of the first aid supplies you had at the ready. Somehow the dream where Beca had cut her foot seemed much preferable to this. You're trying to remember how to make a temporary sling, when Beca interrupts your slight panic.

"No, I'm fine I think. Just a little sore." She says and you immediately retract your wandering hands.

"What the hell? Was that your way to get my sympathy?"

"No, I wasn't talking about me. I think there's something in that plastic bag that I might've crushed on the way down. I think it somehow cushioned my landing."

You both bend down to look through the contents of the bag, or what was left of it.

"Wait a minute! This is your stuff; the Broadway poster, your other collectibles ... they're all trashed. Wait, did I do all this? That must've been some fall. I mean, I felt the impact and I thought it wasn't _that_ strong but look at that frame. The glass is completely shattered. I'm sorry." She whispered as she traced her hand over it delicately.

"You may have contributed to their demise but they were already well on their way by the time I was through with them."

"What do you mean?" She asks keenly, her smile still present until it slowly dims. "Wait, you did this? You trashed your own things? Why?" As soon as she asks the questions, the comprehension dawns on her face. "It was _because_ of me, wasn't it? You wanted to completely eradicate me from your life, you really wanted to be rid of me." Beca's hand stills.

"No, I simply thought it was about time I let the rest of my stuff reflect what was going on inside ... my current all over the place messed up state." You say flippantly; it's a last ditch attempt to seem somewhat cool and unaffected. But you know how pathetic you sound, how pathetic you must look; The crazy, emotional, overwhelmed fan who couldn't get her way with the person she idolised resulting in her completely losing it. Beca's silence speaks volumes and it's really getting to you.

"I don't care what you think of these heat of the moment crazy actions. The moment definitely called for it." You quickly say before the silence grows even louder between the two of you.

Beca's motionless. You really don't care what she's thinking, what's going through that mind of hers, no doubt she was rewinding back to that major fight, reliving every word exchanged between you.

You don't care but you start to wonder what she's feeling. Is she's feeling the guilt, regret, anger, sadness? You definitely weren't thinking when you did this but somehow the possibility of regret was far from your mind.

You hadn't regretted it then and you shouldn't now. It was about you and at the time you had felt like everything inside you was collapsing, like you had to hold on before you broke apart. You grabbed on to anything, and you ripped and broke everything because it felt good to do so. And when you had finally looked around at the wreckage, you realized you had held on a little too hard, for too long and you had choked the life out of it, destroying everything and it was too late. The damage was done.

"But that was all your stuff, your valuable collections, didn't you spend like a lot of money and time and effort collecting these things?" She says, her voice small and if you listened hard enough, it was thickly laced with the strain of someone holding back tears. She was biting her lip hard, wringing her hands.

"I also downed a whole tub of Ben & Jerry's all in one go, cried my heart out to Aubrey and I let you into my house. Believe me, I know my capacity for self punishment, my ability to make stupid decisions is boundless." You say harshly, the anger leaking out again, sounding lot darker than you had intended.

There's a heavy, weighted silence and you refused to make eye contact. You can feel yourself tensing all over, almost bristling and you notice Beca follows suit, copying your stance and stiffness.

"Chloe, uh, I, um ..." She tries after clearing her throat once. You glance up sharply at hearing the emotion the pain behind her tone. You grow wary, stilling yourself for what she might say. Even though you weren't quite sure there was still enough words to be said."... oh God, I, uh." She says struggling to get the words out, her hands tightening its hold on the frame.

"I, uh, I'm ..."

"What? WHAT BECA?" You snap, finally breaking, thoroughly annoyed at the theatrics. Beca jerks up in surprise.

You're not sure what you expected to happen next but it seems that she and fate had once again wanted to take you by surprise.

"I, ouch, fuck!"

You look up and see that the frame had completely given way under her tense grip; the broken glass was scattered everywhere and there's now blood seeping through a huge gash on her right palm.

"Oh my God!" Your heart's hammering wildly but you breathe slowly in and out, trying to steady yourself, calm yourself down enough to take charge of the situation. "Wait, I mean, wait here." You reach out to grab one of your handkerchiefs. "Take this, it's clean. Apply pressure until I get back." You watch as she does as she's told before you leave your room to collect your first aid kit from the shelf in your bathroom. You're halfway out the door before you turn to call back. "Also, don't forget to keep it elevated."

You quietly collect the mini dustpan and brush from the hallway cupboard before slipping back into your room. You bend down to start sweeping as Beca's kneels on the carpet and begins to pick up the pieces.

"Give me that!" You say, before gingerly taking the pieces from her. You drop them into the dustpan before taking her hand in yours. "Did you let go of the frame already? Don't you know you're not supposed to pick up glass with your bare hands?"

"Yes, I know. I'm not stupid." She says, wincing slightly as you start to pull at the handkerchief that had started to stick to her palm, ready to examine the wound.

"And yet you _were_ stupid enough to grab on to a broken picture frame filled with sharp shards of glass." You say, without malice.

"I was only trying to help." She says sadly, almost petulantly. She quickly pulls her hand away, nursing it against herself. She looks in pain.

"You've done enough and you can't just pick up the pieces and keep trying to fix things. It's too late." You say trying once again to retrieve her hand.

"I could try gluing them together." Beca suggests, moving her hand freely, further away oblivious to any of your attempts. You sigh, eyeing her hand, pulling your attention from it, giving up temporarily. You shift your gaze to hers instead.

"Some things are beyond repair. You can't put them together again like nothing ever happened and hope for the best." You say, shaking out your curls. "You'll always have cracks that are visible."

"Not if you work hard to piece them together again. You'll see I'm good at fixing things. You'll hardly be able to tell the difference." Beca says promisingly.

"I think I'd be able to tell and plus I'd know that it was broken. Besides I don't think I want it fixed anymore. It'll be time consuming and too much of a hassle so-"

"-I'll buy a new one then. A better one, one that's more secure, more stable, just something better. You don't have to keep holding on to the past mistakes. You can start anew you know. Begin again. "

The both of you are at the weird staring contest stage again, because yes, you were aware that by this time neither of you were talking about the frame anymore.

You can't break eye contact and feel the tension in the room thicken with the unspoken words.

"I cared about that frame once, what it contained. It meant a lot. But now, it only serves to hurt people so it's probably for the best that I dispose of it." You say with a hint of emotion leaking out. You stop yourself before you go there again. Okay dangerous territory; you needed to pull away as smoothly and quickly as you can. You don't want to start anything more. It was late, or early depending how you looked at it, and you wanted to get this over with. You wanted actual rest where you woke up the next day to a better, brighter tomorrow. Not a repeat of something an endless loop of a situation that seemed inevitable; you letting Beca back in, hearing her out and slowly surely forgiving her.

"Seriously Beca, no hard feelings, okay? You don't have to replace it." You say quickly, dismissively.

Your eyes once again track to her hand, to the the handkerchief now soaked with the bright red of Beca's blood. You really should take care of that, you don't want to risk some sort of infection. Every second was crucial. You may hate her guts right now but it didn't mean you wanted her to suffer a slow agonizing painful death from a sliced palm, if not, less melodramatically, a damaged nerve or artery, did you?

And her hands were very valuable to her. You realise twice now did she hurt herself in your presence. And both times had been on the hand. You wonder randomly if it's the same hand.

Okay, you need to pull out all the stops, just to get this over and done with. See to her cut, treat it, dress it, say goodnight, then perhaps kick her out if you have to. Another second in here with her might make you cave in. No, not cave in; that wasn't going to happen, maybe just sort of weaken your resolve, just a tiny bit.

"However maybe I'll let you make it up to me."

You see Beca's ears perk up at attention.

"Yeah. Sure, of course." She blusters, nodding as she speaks.

"Just maybe; could you do one little, tiny thing for me? It'd really help me out." You say smiling, almost flirtatiously. You bat your eyelashes.

"Anything!" Beca says keenly, interested in what you had to say.

"Then give me your hand!" You say, stretching out your own. She gives a little sound of dissatisfaction mumbling something along the line of 'You could've just told me instead of getting my hopes up' before she complies. You examine her palm after she places it in yours. Her hands are so soft and warm despite the damage. There's almost this inherent need to soother Beca whenever she was in pain-but in truth that didn't apply just solely to her-you were just like that it was your natural instinct with your former medicine background. But what's different with Beca is you have to squash down the need to kiss and make better, You almost do so, kiss her fingers, until you remember that you are still cross with her. "Okay it _looks_ deep, but I don't think it'll need stitches. Which is good but I'll have to start cleaning the wound to reduce the chance of bacterial infection. This may hurt!"

"Please, no alcohol." Beca says, her head snapping up in fear.

"Aww, but I was just about to get it out." You say a little twist to your mouth, the teasing tone coming back, feeling instinctively natural again. Especially when Beca looks up in panic again but then seconds later rearranges her face when she sees that you weren't being serious.

"C'mon then, to the washroom. We can use soap and water." You try to be quiet but you realise that was completely pointless. There wasn't anything weird about you visiting your washroom in the middle of the night or early morning. It was Beca who couldn't say anything.

You help her to her feet. Okay she looks stable, which is always a good thing. This also meant that perhaps she hadn't lost too much blood, thank goodness. You help her rinse at her hand, checking the water isn't too hot.

You watch as the water flows between her palms, the clear liquid turning bright crimson as it cascades through her fingers. You hear her take a sharp inhale at the first contact and her gasp of pain. She's trying to keep all the expletives in and no doubt needs to express how much pain she's in but at your warning look she merely bites hard at her bottom lip, looking as though she might just cry.

But then Beca actually tears up when you add in the soap.

"Holy shit, that hurts! Ouch … ouch!"

Until that moment you had lingered behind, kept a certain amount of distance willing to keep the space between the two of you only stepping in to do little things for her, helping her with the knobs and you were also the one responsible for putting soap on Beca's hand. You may have squeezed a little harder than you thought (you really don't know your own strength sometimes) and liberally applied the soap on to Beca's now surely throbbing, inflamed palm. She cries out then starts sobbing.

"Please stop." She whimpers.

"Shh!" You warn half-heartedly, but feel yourself rushing to help quickly rinse the whole thing off. There was a lot more blood loss than you first thought and you had already felt sorry for her, and a little guilty but now as she's shaking trying desperately to hold it in, you feel absolutely wretched.

You take her hand in yours and you treat it oh so gently, slowing the force of the water before carefully running it under the stream. There are still some gasps, some whimpers, but then after some time her breath slows, somewhere along the way Beca leans back comfortably into you, her face turns into the crook of your neck and you can almost hear that sigh of relief at the contact. until slowly but surely Beca's sobs start to quieten.

"Sorry." You whisper as you pat her hand dry. You half encourage, half push her up onto the sink counter, moving a good portion of your products aside so that she can perch on the edge.

"You don't have to say that to me." She murmurs in reply. You don't quite catch or understand it at all really.

"What? I don't have to say what to you?"

"The apology … I don't deserve it, so yeah. Just don't. And thanks." It takes your super hearing and powers of deduction to understand her and after repeating herself a few more times she grows silent.

A couple of minutes pass in that fashion and a couple more. She's silent now but you can feel the heat in her hand grow as her body tries to stop the blood flow on its own.

"Here, I have to put antibiotic cream on it, or something. We have bacitracin, is that okay?" You say. Beca has become somewhat docile, nodding and shaking her head occasionally but she still continues to look at you.

She looks in pain and you notice the cut on her hand is deeper than you first thought and the edges are not sticking together as you hoped they would. Her gaze is unwavering however, it's a bit unnerving actually and so you continue talking, explaining what you were doing, just to fill in the eerie silence.

"This shouldn't sting one bit but I need to make sure its spread evenly." You say, as you squeeze some of the antibacterial cream from the tube.

She nods to show she heard you.

"Also I'm going to put the sterile gauze bandage to help to protect the wound from further infection and water loss until a scab forms." You continue, reaching across for the small roll of bandage.

You finish the dressing her wound in silence, caught up in the process. You're hoping it' s a sufficient enough.

"Beca." You call out after several seconds of quiet. She doesn't respond, though her head is drooping forward, heavy. Was she falling asleep? Drifting off or was she already asleep. "Beca?" You try one more time, to no response. You look at her more closely and see that her eyes are tightly shut, her forehead creased and you can't believe that only now do you notice (maybe because the sparse almost yellowish tinge of the light in the bathroom) how pale she has become.

"Beca!" You shake her, call out her name frantically this time. Her eyes open and you never could have known how much of a relief staring into those blue eyes could bring you this moment.

"Hmm?" She murmurs out.

"What's wrong? Are you feeling okay?" You ask.

"I'm just, uh ... feeling ... really, uh, really lightheaded ... all of a sudden." She says, breathing in and out at a rapid pace. "

Oh God. Shit. Okay, maybe you _were_ wrong. Perhaps she did need medical attention, real medical attention, and stitches ... there was a lot of blood when you think about it.

Okay, you mustn't panic, what can you do now? Where can you go?

Hospital? No, that would attract a lot of attention, but maybe somewhere that you can get her in and out of quickly like an Emergency Room or a Public Clinic.

You hear a thump and look up to find see that Beca's resting her head on the wall. Oh no! You're mind's buzzing, working on overtime trying to come up with a solution. You had to get Beca out of there, out of the house without waking Aubrey, then you would have to drive to find a safe enough place to have her treated.

"Beca? Hey, can you lift your head?" She does so slowly. "Can you, uh, stand up please?"

She nods, then does so, you hear her groaning.

"Come here, lean on me ... let's go get you someplace where you can feel much better." You pull her closer, put your hand around her waist in support and the two of you walk out of the bathroom, out of your room and into the living room. You feel Beca stop, her body poised in the direction of the sofa. She moves to sit but you gently keep her from doing so.

She looks at you tiredly, questioningly.

"I'm taking you to the hospital. I think we need to get your wound treated." You say.

You make it to the door grabbing your purse and keys along the way, all stealth mode … well, you were trying but with Beca in tow it wasn't so easy. You're surprised you've gotten this far without alerting Aubrey.

You turn the lock, _uber_ slowly and never has the click sound seems so loud to you; you wait a couple of seconds glancing at Aubrey's door but then later rush out, or in reality shuffle out as fast as you can with Beca.

You leave her half leaning on the door.

Wait! How are you going to get there? A taxi? You could get one, but not fast enough right now. Oh wait! Yeah! Beca's car you'd almost forgotten about that. You look up an down your street but see it nowhere, you think you'd be able to spot such a conspicuous vehicle. But wait perhaps Beca had thought of that and had parked it somewhere where it would be less noticeable.

"Beca? Where's your car?" You question Beca, who lifts her head for a couple of seconds, it seems to take a lot of effort for her to do so.

"Hmm?" She sounds out, content to rest both her head and her usage of the english language. You are on full freak out mode. You are still slightly tempted to violently shake Beca into consciousness.

"Your car? Your Ferrari? Where is it?"

"No, not that car." She finally murmurs out, "I drove my incognito one tonight."

"So where's the car that you rode coming here then?" You ask, trying not to sound impatient.

"It's the black one." You look around quickly and you notice the Honda Civic parked almost directly in front of the house. Is this the one?

You get Beca on her feet again and lead down the steps towards her car and straight to the passenger side door.

"It's open." She says. You try the door handle and it gives, you sit her down and buckle her seat belt for her.

When you get into the driver's side, you are surprised to see that the keys are still in the ignition. You also can't help noticing that the car floor is littered with empty beer cans and one other empty gigantic bottle of tequila which you don't hasten to kick aside.

You turn to look at Beca but she's now completely passed out. You can't help the fear that comes over you. You didn't think the cut of her hand was that bad. You wonder if she cut through an artery. You immediately start the engine and pull the car out of the driveway and into the street, clicking your seat belt in as you drive.

The next moments are punctuated by your fear, this helplessness consuming you. Your only companion during the entire car ride from place to place is your frantic beating heart,

Where to go?

Where do you go?

And what would you have to do once you found an ideal place, once you got there, would you need to bribe someone, to buy their silence so that Beca can be treated in peace and without drama.

You pass by several potential spots but none seem to fit the bill; that Hospital was a known one, you'd definitely get unwanted attention there and that place opposite looked too dodgy.

You were running out of options fast and Beca was there bleeding out in the front seat, the dampness now showing on her jeans.

Each minute you spend driving around it seems more and more likely that Beca would probably get an infection, then get sick and you don't think she'll die from this, but it felt like it was all your fault, you'd be stuck with the guilt and everyone would blame you.

"Beca, I don't-" You begin, as you look through the windows looking for the place.

"-Chloe." Beca's voice wafts up, snapping you back. "Calm down, okay? Please stop panicking. Do you know any place or anyone at all who could help?"

"No? Don't you think I would've thought of that by now, if there was." You say your voice raised. You can't help it; you're feeling thoroughly freaked out;You're at your wits end.

But then wait a minute. A lightbulb moment. There was someone. Someone who lived conveniently close by.

"Coleen Palley!" You almost shout in giddy relief, smiling triumphantly.

"Coleen Palley!" She echoes weakly. "Wait, who?" Beca asked, raising a lazy eyebrow.

Coleen Palley was someone you had interned with at the same center before you had moved.

When you had taken some medical courses back in College you had been close friends. You had heard from her several months ago; she had let you know that she was now in LA after completing her third year residency and you had always planned on meeting up and getting together but that hadn't quite happened with everything that had been going on recently.

Perhaps now was a time for an informal, spur of the moment reunion. You may not be as close as you used to be, but you remember how she had your back all those times before.

You flip through your phone, hoping she hadn't changed her number since the last you had called her almost six months ago.

You dial the number and await her pick up; you hear the ringing once, twice, several times. You sigh; it had been worth a try. You're about to give up when-

"Hello?" you begin tentatively."Cee?"

"Carrot?" You smile at her old nickname; one of several for you. While you only called her Cee. Together you were the two C's. Chloe and Coleen. Coleen and Chloe. C & C.

Dozens of memories were connected to those names.

"Chloe! Is that you? Oh my God, it is you!" Her voice loud in it's excitement, you hold the phone slightly away from you ear."What're you … " she pauses, and there's a drop in her voice "-you bitch! I haven't heard from you in months! I saw you on TV! How're you? How's it feel living your life long dream?"

"Wow! You were always bright and inquisitive but that was you just taking it to the next level!" You say, temporarily forgetting what it was you were supposed to be doing; you're grinning from ear to ear hearing her voice. You catch Beca staring at you, her eyebrows knitted together in confusion at your peppiness. "But yes, I'll answer all your questions. I, uh, I need, um, Cee, can you, can I ask a favor? I know it's been a while but I could always count on you whenever I needed something. And I kinda really need something, plus your discretion."

"Why? What's wrong? Are you okay? Where are you? What can I do?" She immediately responds, her excitement and enthusiasm fading, her voice level and calm. You sigh in relief. You're really grateful for this girl. It had been a long time since you had last talked or made contact even but here she was being the good friend that she had always been to you, not hesitating to help and her concern in hand. Ready to help with no questions asked.

"That's the thing. I'm just by the highway leading up to your part of the city. Can I see you?"

"Of course! What do you think I've been trying to you get you to do these past few months? Can you find your way okay to my place if you still remember the address?"

"Yes. One I have it and two, I also have GPS. And, um, I have to tell you; I'm bringing someone, a patient for you to see, it's, uh, really urgent, but I can't really explain it now, you'll see for yourself when I get there. I'm sorry if I'm being all weird Cee."

"No, I'm used to the whole weird part." Coleen laughed. "It's one of the many things I miss about you. Man, we had the best times way back when-"

"-Yeah, I miss that." You say, cutting her off before she began regaling the stories of your misspent youth. "And I missed you too. Sorry though, about the early morning out of the blue call."

"It wouldn't be so out of the blue if you called more often." she says in a tone much different from earlier, much more serious and there's this little pause before she gives her lithe laugh, moving on from that tiny moment. "But I can't fault you. I know you've been very busy as of late. We both have. So, of course, any opportunity that arises to meet up, I'll take it! Even if it is at 2 am for some secret backdoor operation kinda thing."

"Yeah, like I said weird situation."

"It's okay, I'll just roll with it. Come on over already. My home office door is wide open!" She says and you can hear the giddiness in her voice.

"Somebody's excited!" You say, smiling.

"Well duh Carrot, I haven't seen you in forever. I'm getting tired of only seeing you on the TV."

"Yeah you'll be seeing my ugly mug soon enough. I'm just driving into the city limits now. Give me ten minutes tops and I'll be on your street."

"Yay C and C reunited!" Coleen laughs again. You'd forgotten how carefree and easy she was. "You better give me the lowdown on everything. You know, anything and everything controversial!"

Out of the corner of your eye you see Beca scoff and roll her eyes and you wonder what that's about.

"Huh! Fine!" You say, mock annoyed.

"Okay, no need to get huffy! I'm doing you a favor, remember?"

"Yeah, you'll keep it over my head for years to come. I'll be talking to you face to face soon you can hang up now."

"You know I love yah!" She laughs, the happy lilt so familiar.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." You growl under your breath as you hang up and spend the next few minutes driving in silence.

"Friend of yours?" Beca asks, breaking the silence.

"A very good friend of mine. From my …" You pause, unable to describe Coleen to Beca. "... she's one of my bestest friends. I only have a couple."

"Besides me?" You look up sharply and she backtracks immediately. "I, I mean, Aubrey." You didn't mean to look upon her unkindly, it was just the status of your bestfriend-ship was highly questionable right now.

"Yeah but in a way a different closeness than Bree and I have. More, um, uh, more intense. We interned together, serious medical stuff before I gave it up for SPED. She went on to do some general surgery before her third year residency."

"Oh, what did she specialize in?" Beca asks.

"Ophthalmology."

"An eye doctor?" Beca interjects quickly, trying not to sound skeptical, but the doubt's all over her face.

"She's a really good doctor. You'll be lucky to even be treated by her." You say proudly.

"Okay." Beca says, noncommittally.

As you finally pull into the destination, you are struck by a sudden queasiness in the pit of your stomach, a slight buzz of nerves,"Yup, we are here. Oh wait, don't get out just yet I have to quickly fix …Jesus. I look like a mess." You say rapidly, trying to tame your curls before giving up and bring it up into a ponytail.

It had been a while since you've seen her last. Sure on the phone it had seemed normal but what if things were different between the two of you now. You had temporarily-no matter how unintentionally-written her out of your life for the past year. It had been almost two and half years since moving to Los Angeles, life in College, as an intern it seems and feels like so long ago-like a different life entirely.

At the corner of your eye you notice how Beca eyes you as you fuss over your appearance, her eyebrows raising before they furrow. You let out an exasperated sigh at the state of your skin-you pinch your cheeks to add color to your face.

"What are you fixing yourself up for? It's not like you're going to go out on a date with the woman." Beca trails off and you notice her line of sight and what had caught her attention.

She was hard to miss. Coleen's beauty with her sparkling green eyes, strawberry blonde hair and modelesque build never failed to render anyone speechless; no one had believed her back in med school that she wasn't a model, that she was serious about pursuing medicine. She had a hard time trying to prove herself as anything other than a beautiful face and right now, she looked the part, fitting the mold. Picture perfect and poised, these past months apart had suited her well. She looked gorgeous waiting at the steps by her place.

"There's my girl!" Coleen says, when you exit the car.

Besides the sudden leap of joy, you are struck with that quick irrational fear that Beca would take to her. The thought is quickly dispelled to back of your brain when Coleen wraps you up and hoists you off your feet and starts swinging you around.

"I can't believe you're here!" She squeals as she plants a noisy kiss on your cheek.

"Well believe it! Because I am!" You say, getting caught up with her enthusiasm quickly.

"Let me look at your gorgeous face!" She says happily. It's been a while since you've seen her this happy and you feel a little pang of guilt. She had really missed you. And you, you hadn't spared her a second, not one fleeting thought for her in months. The shame, the guilt twists at your stomach. You more than have to make it up to her. You let yourself get lost gazing back at your dear friends face, feeling a tender smile come on. Your grins become bigger and bigger and your eyes grew shinier the longer the two of you drink in the subtle changes in each other.

"Damn woman, how is it possible that you've gotten even prettier?!" She finally concludes.

"Me? What about you?" You laugh quietly as she steps back to look at you again. "Have you graced any magazine catalogue spreads lately?"

"Yes, I have in fact." Coleen says with a wink. "Doctor's weekly! I published a medical journal."

"Oh cool! Congratulations! Oh, um, sorry wait, um, speaking of Doctor ... I, uh, need your help." You stutter out.

"Yes, despite what you said over the phone, I gathered this impromptu visit in the middle of the night wasn't just a social call. So, Carrot, what is it? Have you hurt yourself? Did you feel the need for an eye examination at this hour? What's going on?" She says and smiles as she tucks a few strands of hair behind your ear, her fingers lingering slightly too long on your cheek.

"There's … um, I'm with someone." You say, inexplicably feeling your face flush at her delicate touch. You swallow hard and force yourself to think about Beca bleeding in the front seat of her car. "I mean someone is _with_ me in the car; she's the one who requires your medical attention."

"I see!" Coleen says, glancing towards the passenger seat. "She's unlucky."

"Huh?" You say, confused. "Why? You haven't even seen her yet."

"Well, Chloe, you are a major distraction babe." She winks at you as she speaks. "I'd only give her 75 percent of my attention you see. I'd be too busy remembering that time in-"

"-She'll need your full attention Cee. Please. It's important. Please. She will need you." You say strainedly, avoiding Coleen's playful face.

"Chloe? Are you okay? Why so serious?" She asks immediately.

"It's a pretty serious matter. Come on, I'll show you." You look towards the car and your heart gives a jolt where just a few seconds earlier Beca was propped up and wide awake now she was nowhere to be seen.

You race as fast as your feet will carry you back to the car. You hesitate for the briefest of seconds before you move to open the passenger door. Your hand lingers on the handle as you can see through the glass that Beca has now passed out lying flat on the car chairs. As the door pops open, Coleen looks over to you and smiles, eyebrow raised and you know from her expression she is fighting with herself not to laugh at you being so deadly serious.

Her smile fades when you stand aside of the door, reaching over to unbuckle the seat belt around Beca, tucking your fingers against her neck to check her pulse.

"Um, Chloe?" Coleen speaks quickly. "That's, um, that's Beca Mitchell."

"Yup." You say simply in reply. You kneel down by the side of the car and gently pull Beca's legs out from the footwell. You know she is alive, but you'd rather she be laying down while she recovers from her faint.

"Why … I mean, what are you doing with her at 2 in the morning?" She laughs but it doesn't sound like her usual carefree lilt.

"Long story." You say as you bend over Beca to grab her under her arms. "Please, she's cut her hand and she's been bleeding quite badly. I need you to see if it's bad that we would need to get her stitches."

"Damn Chloe. You do get yourself into all sorts of scrapes, don't you?" Coleen says, without a hint of malice in her voice. "Here, let me help you get her out of the car."

"Grab her legs or something. Please, be careful."

"Carrot, what do you take me for? Don't you remember that I know exactly how to handle a girl properly?"

You feel your face flush slightly as you both manage to manoeuvre Beca out of the car. She had come round a little as you had lifted her out of the front seat but she was still groggy and offered very little help. Supporting her carefully, you made it up the stairs without dropping her and in through the front door of Coleen's apartment. You plop her down on the couch and find a blanket to cover her with.

Coleen stares down at Beca for a moment.

"Why didn't you take her to a hospital?" She speaks quietly. "Or … oh yeah ... because she's _Beca Mitchell_. And it would look weird and suspicious, wouldn't it? And would attract a lot of attention; her being rushed to an ER in the early morning. Sorry I answered my own question!"

"With the paps, it would be awkward." You say, watching Coleen as she carefully picks up Beca's hand, turning the palm over.

"Wow, that is _pretty_ deep. But you did a good job cleaning and dressing it up Chloe. What did this?"

"A glass picture frame broke in her hand. She was picking up the pieces, trying to fix things and make it better … I mean, trying to fix _it_ ; the frame. She must've squeezed it too hard."

"It's fine. Her hand will be fine. It won't get an infection." She smiles in approval, "Look at that, Dr. Beale's still got it! You took really good care of it, of your patient." You smile wryly and shake your head.

No, I was totally losing it back there." You say. "I didn't know what to do. She was all light headed, and I thought she was just feeling tired and wanted to sleep it off but then she was suddenly unconscious. I panicked, I totally lost my head for a couple of seconds-I would've been the worst doctor ... unlike you."

Coleen shakes her head in disagreement. "Not true. You're just out of practice is all." This time you shake your head a tiny bit amused knowing whatever self-deprecatory thing you said she would vehemently disagree with you.

"I don't know why I didn't think of you sooner. But when I did I just knew that there couldn't be a better person to go to."

"Aww, thank you Chloe. Thank you for thinking of me." She smiles, her eyes shining brightly at you. "But I think you are right, she'll be needing stitches. It won't take too much to close up the wound but it would aid healing and shouldn't scar."

It seems like those were just the magic words to help Beca return to the living. She wakes up just as Coleen is preparing the local anaesthetic. One of her hands is holding Beca's comfortably in her own, the other poised to administer the needle.

"What the hell?" Beca pulls her hand back, out of Coleen's grasp. She tries to sit up but then falls back into the couch again. "Oh! My head!" She groans, presses her hand to her head. "Ow, my hand!" You almost leave your seat to go to her but Colleen sends you her all to familiar 'I can handle this' look stopping you in your tracks.

"Woah there Miss Mitchell … Beca. I'm Colleen by the way, or Doctor Palley, whichever you wanna go with, Chloe's friend." She smiles soothingly, her whole demeanor, her smile is exuding even welcoming trust and so naturally, Beca is wary. "Slow down a bit there, OK lovely...and try to calm down a bit." Coleen says, reaching for Beca's hand again.

"Woah there Miss Mitchell … Beca. I'm Coleen by the way, or Doctor Palley, whichever you wanna go with, Chloe's friend." She smiles soothingly, her whole demeanor and her smile is exuding warmth, welcoming trust and so naturally, Beca is wary. "Slow down a bit there, OK lovely and try to calm down a bit." Coleen says, reaching for Beca's hand again.

"How can I calm down when you were just about to stick a gigantic needle in my wrist!" Beca exclaims, looking horrified and it's all you can do not to laugh out loudly, nervously. You're all keyed up, feeling a whole jumble of emotions right now.

"If you know a better way to numb the pain so that I can start stitching you up I'm all ears!" Coleen says teasingly but there's a slight bite to her tone.

"You're going to stitch me up?" Beca asks, what little color she had left immediately draining from her face.

"Yes." Coleen deadpanned, casting a quick eye in your direction. "Stitches! A cut this deep generally does require the action of stitching up. If only to avoid slow motor functions and um, slow comprehension to say nothing about the scar you'd carry. So stitches … you need them."

"Are you feeling all right Beca?" You ask, noting the look of genuine fear flitting across her face. "Are you feeling lightheaded again?"

You turn to Coleen and address her.

"Why is that by the way? She kept passing out. Did she lose too much blood or something?"

"Don't think so, but y'know some people get queasy over a little blood."

" It wasn't a little, it was a lot." You nod, and to show Coleen just how much, you move the blanket that had previously been obscuring Beca's blood stained pants out of the way.

"There was just so much blood. I really hate blood." Beca says quietly you notice as she starts trembling uncontrollably. "Sorry I'm such a baby with these kinds of things. I hated, correction, I still hate everything to do with the hospital after my Mom … I also used to get lots of blood tests and I had one particularly bad experience during a blood transfusion." She shudders again, she looks at the two of you watching closely. "But anyway, I'm not good with blood. Don't judge me."

"Aww, you're adorable." Coleen says. You shake your head for her to discontinue this, you glance back at Beca and to your surprise, she doesn't get angry like you were expecting. "Now I can totally understand seeing _that_ much blood would make anyone feel light headed. It wasn't really about the blood loss if you get what it is i'm saying. It depends on the person how much he or she can withstand which, in turn, depends on factors such as body size. An adult generally has about ten to twelve pints of blood. A large man, however, can have have about 13. Obviously, someone with 13 pints would fair better losing blood then someone with only 10. A child or very small adult … and this is where I think we've hit your category. I think you would have less than 10; I mean, you are quite tiny. Smaller than you look on screen. This is why you MUST be 17 and be above a certain weight to give blood and only can ever do it every eight weeks. The amount taken at blood donations is a pint. For some people that is enough to cause fainting. For most adults it does take more than a pint. Almost anyone would pass out around a two to three pint loss. Four to five pints would be lethal for most people."

"Wow, thanks for the medical lesson." Beca snarks, and you recognize the closed off expression immediately. She shakes her head a little. "Sorry, that was uncalled for. I thought I had a higher tolerance to all of this."

"No, it is not not about having a higher tolerance." Coleen continues to explain and you know that she is doing her best to draw Beca's attention away from her inserting the needles into her wrist. "You just are not losing as much blood as you think. You can't have a resistance to passing out. Your body would just not be able to function. Take two cups of water and dump it out on a table and look at how much that REALLY is. However SEEING your cuts or knowing how much you cut or how big or whatever means NOTHING. All it takes is one small cut in the wrong place and you could bleed to death. You could have many many large cuts that hit no major veins and don't pose that huge of a risk of blood loss."

Beca nodded and showed she had understood the words.

"The main reason for recommending stitches with cuts is to promote healing and prevent infection, not just because of risk of blood loss. If your blood loss was a risk you would have to get a transfusion. But I really don't think we are at that stage.

Beca looks down at her hand and notices Coleen has given her the local anaesthetic. She tries to flex her fingers and looks up in surprise.

"Don't worry, I'll make sure there'll be minimal scarring." Coleen says, catching Beca's eye and her worried expression. "I'm kidding! There won't be a scar and no lasting damage at all. Wouldn't want to mangle that extremely valuable hand of yours!"

Beca looks about ready to protest, her face openly staring into Coleen's eyes and Coleen is returning the gaze just as fiercely. Coleen wouldn't budge, you remember that from old days.

Beca sighs and nods her head in acceptance before offering her hand in defeat.

Coleen takes Beca's hand quickly, lest she change her mind. She moves quickly but with purpose,

"Hold still, this will hurt but it's just a little pinch." Coleen murmurs as Beca scrunches up her eyes. "Just breathe normally, inhale when I tell you to. Breathe in, then out, in then out. Breathe in." She says her voice soothing Beca, who does finally relax, before injecting her again.

Beca merely lets out a little squeak and doesn't complain.

"You okay?" You mouth, catching her eye. Beca manages a little smile, though she still looks sickly.

"How you doing Beca?" Coleen asks.

"Fine." Beca gasps out.

"If you're nervous you can look away so you don't have to watch the suturing. l always find looking at something pretty relaxes me." She pauses and looks at you. "You can look at Carrot."

"Carrot? The vegetable?" Beca says, obviously confused.

"No Carrot the person! Carrot top … redhead … ring any bells?" Coleen tilts her head your way again.

"Of all the nicknames you could give her, you choose the obvious stereotypical one-" Beca snorts.

"-Why, what do you call her?" Coleen interrupts.

"Mine is Chlo. Plain and simple." Beca says, almost proudly.

"Hmm okay! You're the one that went for the obvious; the shortening of her already short name, nothing original or special about that nicknaming skill." Coleen deadpans.

"It's better than naming her after one of the worse vegetables ever! I's right down there with Brussel sprouts and Broccoli." Beca spits out.

"Better than sounding like some weird fake French pronunciation of Claw." Coleen says, a wicked glint in her eye.

"Children behave." You admonish. "Who's the supposed reputable doctor here?"

Coleen frowns looking sheepish. Beca smiles but stops when she sees the look on her face.

"And Beca you really think it's the best decision to upset the person with the needle in her hand?

The two of them look sufficiently chastised. They both settle down and resume the suturing process quietly.

Coleen begins working silently as she cleaned the area around the wound and you recognize the way she works, the habit of poking her tongue out slightly is still here. She pulls the suture kit closer towards her and her fingers work quickly.

As the suturing progresses, the two of them start to exchange pleasantries, haltingly at first, but then later trading stories back and forth. Coleen has taken to updating Beca on your 'very-way-back-when-epic friendship' (her words, not yours) as she begins to stitch Beca's hand. Beca too recounted your brief, normal friendship. She only speaks of the good times, of course.

The two of you used to always catch up this way, her telling of her present woes, a difficult patient or how tired she was with studying. You would mostly share stories about Beca, (she was your favorite topic during those times) which you hoped to God, Coleen would keep to herself.

While you're glad they seemed to be bonding over a topic though you would've preferred something that didn't involve you, or them comparing notes. But you know why she's doing it. She'd always been good with patient care and right now she's beguiling Beca, keeping the patient entertained, engaging her in a topic that interested her.

"This woman here is the reason I passed Psychology 101." She tells Beca, flashing you her sunny smile. Usually highly effective on her patients; thawing the worst of moods and yet has little to no effect when directing it at Beca.

"Yeah?" Beca asks lazily, and you think that tiredness is now playing a major factor in her grumpiness.

"Yes indeed. Sat up with me for hours, revising, explaining everything I couldn't understand. Chloe knew, well _knows_ exactly how I tick, She knew exactly what to do and how to make it almost painless. And together with her being with me, there was just clarity, everything just made more _sense_." Coleen pauses for a moment to look at Beca directly. "You know that feeling? When things just make sense, whether you agree with them or not, the outside world may disagree but you know it's all right within your heart and you just have to go for it."

You squirm ... a little uncomfortable. You had forgotten how forthright Coleen could be at times. Though what she said had somewhat confused you. There were so many ways it could be interpreted but the latter part was definitely her calling out Beca. You decide to change the subject quickly before it got too intense however Coleen was already ahead of you reverting back to the College days story. Her attention back on you now.

"I just wanna say that Miss Beale here saved my neck if not my life dozens of times. You were my whole support system back in College. Without you, I wouldn't have made it." She says and while there was humor in how she was saying it, there was something more, something deeper and more intense.

"And don't you forget it! I'm the sole reason you're a doctor." You joke, to lighten the mood.

"This woman and I … I tell you Beca, we've been through, I can't even begin to tell you what we've been through but I'll safely say, it's _a lot_." Coleen says warmly and catches your eye. "Let's start from the begiining shall we and work our way from there."

* * *

You listen and reminisce as Beca starts to really enjoy some of the stories Coleen is regaling. You're almost catapulted back in time, you remembered those days like it was yesterday. Beca's laughing her head off, finally feeling relaxed around Coleen. You had had your doubts but Coleen had once again weaved her magic and found a way to break through the ice.

It was so natural to get caught up in the memories, to reach out and be touchy with each other once again. She would occasionally take a break and pat your leg with her free hand. Nudge you with her arm resting against you when she grew tired.

"... then there was of course the college professor that Chloe fell madly in love with. Much like she did with yo-"

"-All right, that's enough stories!" You interrupt, casting an eye towards Beca, to see if she was still laughing. You'd been taking note or her reactions and earlier she had seemed okay. But steadily as the stories went on and on, her mood seems to have dropped a bit. And now far from looking enamored, Beca now looks, there was no other word for it ... rather suspicious and was taking in your interactions with Coleen through carefully concerned, narrowed eyes. Her eyes were now focused on your hand that had wandered to Coleen's shoulder. You almost drop it but Coleen briefly leans her head on it, acknowledging the gesture, briefly smiling up at you before she moved back to Beca's hand.

Coleen, however, was on a roll as she gets another story out. She's happily recalling the time when you had flashed your teacher, to help a friend get out of a difficult mock test paper.

"Sounds like wild times."

"Well you don't know the half of it. That's just the tame parts."

The sewing artist is a professional; alternating talking with her neat, tiny sutures. She is used to using small stitches and you know the risk of a lumpy scar will be almost non existent. She's preoccupied with her work; her eyes are on what she's doing but occasionally she raises her eyes to her audience. She smiles when she catches you staring out into space. You had blanked for just a bit and you finally raise your eyes to hers.

"Chloe's got my most favorite pair of big b-" Coleen murmurs almost randomly into Beca's palm after completing another stitch. Beca and you have similar reactions.

"Excuse me?" Beca finally sputters.

You almost choke on your own saliva as you start coughing. Your face is red, not just from spluttering but from what she had said.

"Eyes." Coleen says, laughingly; amused at your reactions looking up to meet both of your faces. "Her eyes, they're my favorite pair of big blue eyes. I know it sounds weird."

"Very." Beca scoffs.

You silence Beca with a look.

"But it's kinda like an ophthalmologist thing." Coleen explains. "Her eyes. They're such a beautiful shade of blue, like the purest of ice. Absolutely gorgeous. I mean, how can they not be when you look at the rest of her? Everything about her is stunning."

You roll your eyes at her compliments and her harmless flirting. She had always been like that but Beca doesn't seem so approving of her advances.

"No, not ice." Beca says determinedly. "Chloe's not cold at all. She's more like a refreshing swim after a hot, hot day. She's relief. She's comfort, like a drop in the ocean but with the glow of a deep blue summers day sky."

"Wow! I see why you one all those songwriting awards." Coleen winks at Beca. "That was pretty and so are _your_ eyes by the way."

"So, you notice eyes a lot?" Beca asks and takes in Coleen soft green eyes. "And yours are really, uh, nice too." She concedes.

"Yeah, can't help it. I just see things, it's like when someone tells you what your best feature is your eyes, your nose or your lips and you automatically tend to pick those out or compare it to other people. So yeah, eyes fascinate me. I like how you can read so much out of them and that the eyes themselves reveal so much. More than actual words sometimes." Coleen explains. "You know that thing with friends or family members where you have that intimate or long standing relationship. Where you know when they don't need to trade words only glances to know what they're thinking?"

"Yeah." Beca says, hanging on to every word.

"We used to have that. Chloe and me."

"Yeah." You say in agreement, looking up and seeing Coleen beaming at you, and Beca frowning at her, her eyebrows knitting comically together.

"So safe to say that you two were pretty close." Beca asked, a thickness in her voice.

"The closest. Closer than really we should have been. We were together all throughout first year to second year." Coleen says looking directly at Beca before she bends down to inspect her work. "And, and I am done. Voila! So keep that clean and dry for 48 hours. The dressings on the wound, it should be changed daily. Finally, if there are signs of infection i.e. spreading erythema or pustular discharge you need to be reevaluated by a physician." She says all business. "Or maybe Chloe could just come back and bring you to me again."

Beca nods slowly she manages to smile a little.

"Thank you. How much is the service?"

"Well, we need to consider the other charges, laceration repair typically costs $400-$650, depending on complexity, not including doctor fee, which can add hundreds of dollars, plus the emergency room fee, which can cost $200 to $1,200 or more."

"But, we weren't in an emergency room." Beca says slowly in her confusion.

"But this was an _emergency_ therefore I'm christening my office as an emergency room." Coleen says, her poker face intact and her eyes glisten when they catch yours, inviting you to jump in.

"It's all in the handbook." You join in, biting your lip to keep from laughing at how ridiculous you both sounded.

"Like an unofficial rule." Coleen continues.

"Unwritten rule in the book? Huh aren't you contradicting yourself?" Beca asks.

Then you both burst out laughing, leaving Beca confused.

"I wasn't being serious of course! It's fine Beca, all taken care of. Besides, it was because of you that Chloe called in a favor and I finally heard back from her and I got to spend time with my best friend. I actually kinda owe you one. Which reminds me, do you remember when …" Coleen launches into another familiar story.

It's several minutes later and you now had mugs of hot cocoa for you and a coffee for Beca and some snacks that had long since been polished off.

You glance at the time and was actually shocked it was past three already. ' _Holey moley'_ you thought to yourself, knowing you had to get going.

"I'm sorry, Cee but we have to get going …"

"But the clock already struck twelve, it actually just struck three Cinderella! What's the hurry?" Coleen asks and you raise your eyebrow at that. "But I only just got you back!" She pouts. You pull on your most apologetic face. "Fine!" She stands up, finally conceding. "Okay."

You offer to help clean up. She refuses but allows you to help carry the mugs to the sink. There we only three but whatever, you felt better for doing something.

You start to say your farewells. The two girls; your past and your present, at least part civilly and friendly enough. Beca thanks Coleen a few more times. Coleen gives Beca last minute reminders and her work number to call.

"Or you can get this girl here to call me more often. She has my private number." She says, pertaining to you. She gives Beca one last friendly hug.

Beca walks ahead while you and Coleen linger by her front door.

"So this is what we'll resort to? What we have to make sure that we keep contact with each other? Beca Mitchell?" She's all smiles but there's that same sad tone. "I'll take it, I'll take what I can with you."

"No, of course no! C'mere." You say, taking her into your arms. You're about to pull back but she reaches to pull you tightly against her. You can't help comparing this action with how it was hugging Beca. You note how good it felt to be the shorter one, to be the one curling into the other person's chest and feel like the one being protected, the one being pulled in tighter.

"Nope, not done. I've been missing out on way too many of your Chloe bear hugs."

"RAWR" You growl into her chest. You giggle. She pulls back.

"There you are. You finally look like you again." She smiles, reaching to pinch your nose. You only just got away.

"What do you mean? I can only ever look like myself that's kinda how it goes! Unless you think I've had something done or whatever…"

"Why did you?" She fake gasps and laughs as you you punch her arm. "I meant you've been looking stressed and I suppose it's because of the competition and the other things."

Her eyes briefly stray to look behind you.

"You should really get out and do some more fun things-relaxing things. You should have some downtime, start seeing people outside the competition. You know I'm always here for you when you want to do said relaxing fun things." She says, earnestly.

"I know." You briefly remember that one night of intern year when the whole day had been bad, exhausting and you had been running on a high fever, you had pissed off both your attending and your resident by making one mistake that affected the whole case of the patient. You remember being so scared but when you broke down, she was there, holding you. She even got herself into trouble and sabotaged her chance at sitting in on a surgery so she could stay and take care of you. She stayed awake the entire night till your fever broke, nursed you back to health.

"Just promise next time you won't need an excuse like this to come see me." She said, looking right into your eyes.

"Cee. Don't worry I definitely won't go disappearing off on you again."

"Well yeah you shouldn't have done it to me in the first place. It's been hell without you, I've only just been getting by."

"Don't be so dramatic, it doesn't suit you." You tease. "But yeah I know; things happened that I couldn't control, you know? The whole career first thing, work now, play later and it just got out of hand. Forgive me?" You hear the words coming out of your own mouth and it sounds similar to what Beca had said to you. You look back and see Beca dawdling down by the road some several steps away. It turns out you did understand her and you _really_ did know where she was coming from.

You aren't sure what emotion you are feeling right now, but you know it's laced with an emptiness.

* * *

The entire ride back Beca's rather testy. You've been trying really hard to make small talk but she keeps making little noncommittal noises to your topics of conversation rather than using words.

"Coleen's the youngest in her department in UCLA Med Center. They are nationally ranked number 5 in her specialty; Ophthalmology." You say, your voice laced with pride.

"Hmm." Beca mumbles as she stares out of the car window.

"What's up with you? Is it your hand? Are you in pain?" You say as you pull up outside your apartment.

"Nope." She replies, popping the 'p' as she undoes her seat belt and moves at lightning speed to get out of her car.

"So, what is this? Is this because you're really tired? Because we both are-" You start to speak as you walk up the path to your front door.

"-Well you didn't lose several pints of blood, did you?" She snaps, her eyes darkening immediately, as you turn the key in the lock. You don't really have an answer for that (actually you did, but you didn't want to push it as it would be entirely pointless to argue with her and to point out that it had been her fault why she ended up bleeding so much in the first place). You know that it would most likely add fuel to Beca's foul mood so you let it slide. You keep silent and wait for Beca to be the one to start up the conversation again.

You don't have to wait long.

The two of you enter the house as quietly as you can. When you're done closing the door, her voice comes softly from behind you.

"No it's just … the … um...Okay, what we've been talking about non-stop the _entire_ car ride home is your supposed best of best of best friends. I get the memo already. Coleen was a superstar, she was amazing and stuff and a real saint to boot."

"- Okay seriously what is wrong with you? You've got a problem with her accomplishments or something? She does eye surgery on kids in Africa-"

Beca scoffs and you suddenly feel quite enraged, tossing your door keys down noisily. Beca notices your change in demeanor and speaks quickly.

"No, I've got nothing against the kids with eye disorders in Africa. It's just, _I'm_ just adjusting and stuff, okay? How come I'm only hearing about her now? How come you never mentioned her before? It's like she popped out of nowhere."

"Really you're talking about not sharing secrets. And for one thing it's not like I actually meant to not talk about her she just never came up. And why are you so concerned anyway? It's just proof that I did have a life prior to the competition."

You're tempted to say it's none of her business when her next sentence catches you off guard.

"You're both really touchy with each other."

"What?" You say, trying hard to laugh, unsure that your heard her correctly.

"Nothing." Beca says simply, shortly.

"So you're mad at me for being touchy?" You ask incredulously. "Seriously?"

"I'm not mad at you. I'm, it wasn't _you._ I am not mad at you Chloe." She repeats, her voice softening. "Yeah, I'm tired ... please forgive the whole … I'm sorry for snapping. I don't know what's come over me."

Maybe you're tired but suddenly it's all making sense the way Beca's acting and you almost laugh again, feeling completely thrown by the sudden role reversal. You were the one who felt unwarranted jealousy. Like how'd you'd been upset over her spending time with Cynthia, Stacie and Amy even Anna on occasion.

"Were you jealous or something of Coleen and me? She was only messing with you, the two of us were only ever friends."

"Jealous? Me? Why would I be?" She scoffs, even snorts in disbelief but seems to stop herself when she looks you in the eye and sees your raised eyebrow. She stumbles out her next few words. "I mean, fine, it's just there was some … some _thing_ between the two of you. I felt it and it … it didn't sit well with me. I didn't particularly like it." She stutters and sighs heavily before continuing. "Fine, yes, I _was_ jealous." She spits out all in one go

You squash down the fluttering in your chest and soldier on despite the red tinge coloring your cheeks.

"Admittedly she, uh, did express her past crush on me ..." Impossibly you feel your cheeks become redder. You don't miss her scowling, the lines clearly visible on her forehead. "But that's ancient history before we even became close, before I _knew_ you."

"You sure? It seemed very present. And, uh, if you ever were interested I _can_ totally understand. She's, uh, nice. And you know pretty and really tall-"Beca concedes."-if you like-if you're into that sorta thing." she adds.

"I'm sure! Well of myself at least. I'm kinda, uh, preoccupied at the moment. I've always had a passion for one thing, something that I'd been willing to go to the ends of the earth to pursue." You say wistfully.

You're wondering at that revelation as you feel as though that had left your mouth without passing through your brain first. You really must be that tired as you no longer felt the pressing need to be furious with Beca any longer, if you were honest with yourself, it had been ebbing away throughout the night to the early morning. The more meeker, gentler, softer side of you peeking out; the real you.

She's definitely more acquiescing, more prone to giving in to emotions.

"Yeah, you're getting closer to that potential diva stardom everyday with the competition!" Beca mused.

She's also wishing, half hoping that Beca could take a hint.

"Yeah, of course … yes, right … the competition." You say false enthusiastically, unable to keep the disappointment from lacing your tone.

"Wait, who were you talking about-" Beca asks, slightly more interested than she was just moments before.

"Uh, never mind. Get some rest." You say, turning away not wanting to deal with that particular part of the conversation right now.

Beca steps in front of you blocking your way to your room.

"Chloe are you … were you trying to say, are you saying that you've changed your mind?" She asks, a playful, hopeful tint back in her voice.

"No! I mean yes! No, I, uh, I don't know." You say, your mind trying hard to process what you need to say. "It seems like its happening too fast. Or at least, that I'm letting you off the hook again, doesn't it?"

"But you're not. You haven't ... I'm not. I won't, no I _can't_ let you let me get off so easily. I _need_ to prove myself and win you over. I'm prepared to beg for your forgiveness. Whatever it takes we can start over from the start, I don't know … as _friends_. It'll be difficult but maybe that's how it has to be. For a while at least? We can decide the rest later on, when the dust has settled. The problems seemed to start when I began to want something more. It was so much better before-"

"-No, I don't want to go back." You interrupt. "We definitely can't go _back_ to the way it was before." You say with finality.

"Oh." Beca looks completely crestfallen. "I thought-"

"Because, I want for things be different. We can't go back now, we've shared too much." You explain. "We can only move onward, we _have_ to move forward and try a hand at being better. Whatever this is between us …" You gesture with your hand to emphasis your meaning. "God knows I can't, _we_ can't _just_ be friends anymore."

"So, wait …" Beca says slowly. "You mean …?" She sounds and looks almost too afraid to hope.

"I'm pretty sure I'll regret this, but I am willing to give you one last chance." You admit, casting an eye towards the floor.

"Chloe, look at me." She says gently, slipping her fingers under your chin to raise your eyes up. She looks into them seeking confirmation. You look steadily into hers, you don't know what she sees but she smiles at the sight."That's all I ask for and perhaps a day for me to try to win you over to the idea. A casual outing with just the two of us, going somewhere, making plans, just _being_ together and spending-"

"-Okay that's enough planning. Did you hear the part about it going too fast?" You laugh gently a bit nervously. You try not to be so obvious when you try to move her hand away, she frowns and you look on apologetically but you squeeze her hand to give her something, maybe some reassurance? You were still a tad uncomfortable with her touches and you found that you were still holding yourself back. "But I guess I can work with that."

"Get ready Chloe; I am going to sweep you off your feet." Beca says bouncing back seemingly undeterred, smiling earnestly.

"Woah. Don't get ahead of yourself Beca Mitchell!" You try to be commanding but a smile pulls up the side of your mouth at the brightness and renewed interest in her eyes. "It's late or early whichever way you want to look at it. It's 4 am and we're both tired. Lack of sleep is robbing us of our better judgement."

"You're saying you might regret it?" Beca asks, suddenly solemn.

"It's still too early to tell. Ask me later, okay?" You quietly reply.

"I _will_ ask you." She smiles, suddenly determined. "I'll keep asking you and I will definitely be pestering you until you get sick of me or until you, you know, you really want me to stop. Then, of course, I will. But till you say so I'll never tire of easing and erasing your fear, or any other lingering doubt. Not tomorrow, nor the day after that and the day after that."

"I guess you'll just have to prove it to me." You playfully demand. Though your words are entirely serious. Beca seems to understand.

"Oh, I will do more than that!" She nods laughs easily and it dawns on you how much you've missed that laugh."When can I start?"

"Well like I said you'll have to ask me again-I don't know that anything from tonight will count. You know too much happened at least tomorrow it's an entirely brand new slate."

"Well technically, it's … I mean officially it's today." She says. "Can we end or begin the day on a good note. I've been wanting to do this the entire time."

She leans in and you nearly jerk away but she only pulls you into a hug; it's soft, warm and tight all at the same time and it feels like coming home.

You don't want to admit it even to yourself how much you'd missed this even as your hugging period extends to one that wasn't exactly normal, trying to remain in that position but of course, it has to end and she sighs when she too comes to that conclusion.

"This doesn't mean anything, it doesn't count so ..." You say to excuse your actions.

"Yeah but it feels good though." You almost pull away at that, "Yeah it doesn't have to mean anything." She agrees and pulls you in again.

She squeezes you one last time … and releases you from within her arms but she doesn't let you get too far when she suddenly presses a soft kiss to your cheek and then doesn't move away. "Does this count?" Your heart sort of speeds up and slows down simultaneously.

Once the surprise wears off you become more aware of your other feelings. You feel her breath tickling the fine hairs as she places a second, softer kiss to the same spot. "What about this one?" Your heart and your body is battling with your thoughts; the pounding in your chest proving how much you wanted _her._

Your remaining reasonable thoughts, the little voice in your head, shouting for you to remain in the right frame of mind. The voice is almost winning out, you're prepared to pull away ... but then there's this pause in between and it feels like the longest pause ever filled with every little emotion you'd been feeling up to this moment all battling for dominance.

The silence, the pause Beca makes, her hesitation is glaringly … _loud_.

It was your move, your decision. You still hadn't made up your mind, hadn't decided what to do until you turn your head and meet her lips in a softest of presses. Feel yourself give in and almost melt into her. Beca doesn't move and so you take the lead on this one. It doesn't last long, it does need to but in those few short moments, there is everything that cannot be fully expressed laid into that electrically charged kiss; short but sweet and pure.

"So did that count?" She breathes as she pulls away.

"Shut up and kiss me." You say.

Minutes later the two of you continue to kiss on the sofa, but both of you are too tired to even attempt to reach the same point that you had had in your dream.

Many times the two of you start to drift off and you'd wake up with your lips still pressed to each others and resume again. This time you try to see if you can still reengage her but Beca's eyes are shut close.

"This night was surreal." You murmur. "I can't even believe half of what happened, it all seemed like some weird dream."

Beca nods tiredly and her eyes flutter open when she yawns. You give a yawn of your own immediately afterwards.

"Speaking of dreaming, we better crash before the warden wakes up. I'm beat." She half-mumbles, her mouth heavy with sleep. She manages to stay with you a couple more seconds before she starts nodding off again.

"Yes, you're already sleeping anyway." You smile, wanting to end the night on a more light hearted moment. "Don't come knocking again!" You say, flicking at her nose. She groans and half-heartedly tries to swat it away.

"I probably won't. You should sleep too." She says, lightly touching your arm in goodbye but there she is again stopping you, her hand and her sleep filled eyes still manage to hold you. "I wouldn't mind." She suddenly says.

You decide to humor sleep talking Beca some more.

"What wouldn't you mind" You ask.

"I like us, like this ... our pillow talks are awesome" She says not at all answering your question.

"Beca you were saying something about what don't you mind?" You prod her.

"Mind over matter?" She snorts out, slightly delirious now.

"You said something about minding?" You tickle her and she gives a gasp as she comes to. "You were saying 'I wouldn't mind-"

"-I wouldn't mind waking up to you every morning for the rest of my life." She says lazily, her eyes still closed.

Your heart thuds.

Hard.

She then opens her eyes and smiles and you feel like as you're staring at each other, feeling like you were seeing each other clearly now, possibly for the first time. And then her head falls backward and she starts snoring; impossibly having dozed off again. Like she had quickly gotten over it.

You imagine she believed she had said something cute, sweet even and not at all of huge impact. And maybe she was right? If you could also accept an atomic bomb being described as only mildly life-threatening. She'd probably wouldn't remember anything but you wouldn't forget it, she had dropped a bomb and it's resounding inside your head.

"G'night." You say.

"Sleep well, Baby." She murmurs.

* * *

And, yes it was too early to tell if you would regret that moment. That time where you gave in and allowed yourself that one moment of complete surrender.

She'll have to ask. And you will have to ask yourself that again much later as well, because as of right now, with your current state; feeling like you all but floated back to your room, you are completely and utterly useless.

Your head only touches your pillow after you'd quietly closed your door after watching her on the sofa for the last few minutes. And there the floaty feeling inside is replaced with something else, something infinitely more powerful.

You were given the security of knowing that this hadn't been a dream. Even as you feel your heavy lids shut. You were still feeling everything from the way you were holding the giggles at bay to that giddy smile on your face ... feeling anything like regret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys still okay? So I'm trying the thing called tumblr. (I'm such a newb). Tell you guys more about it later.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So they've kissed and made up, therefore happily ever after shouldn't be too far away right? 
> 
> Wrong.
> 
> Nothing's ever so simple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Another long one. Thanks to my beta waatp for all the bits you churned out when I was suffering from a huge mental block. I really couldn't get any of this done without your help and support.

The next morning, you stretch languorously in your bed, feeling a warmth to your soul and a steady calmness to your heart that felt almost strange, foreign.

This tranquility; the feeling of freedom from disturbance was almost surreal, the existence of which was something you had almost forgotten.

You woke up just before the sun rose too high in the sky and had sat back to watch the light creeping in. It was a beautiful sight; a good sign signaling the start of a brand new day, the new beginning just around the corner.

It seems to have crept back on you; a lot like Beca had just a few hours ago. She had turned up and caught you unaware. She had found a way to make you reconsider everything. Damn her and her ways!

But it brought sweet relief; you'd almost forgotten how good it felt to be free, almost completely weightless of it all ... well, not quite _all_ but most of your concerns, you still remembered everything about the competition and such. Last night had cleared at least some things up; it had been a total curveball and you hadn't seen any of it happening, in reality you expected it to turn out much differently especially after everything that had gone down over the last few days.

You rise from your warm and comfortable spot in your bed, untangling yourself first from the warmth of your blankets before you pull back the curtains and push open the small side window to bask fully in the sun's comforting heat. You stand there for a moment just breathing it in. After a few seconds of this, when you deem yourself truly relaxed and ready to start the day that's when you go about the business of hunting about in your cupboard for something to wear.

You've barely slept. Yet, when you look up and catch sight of yourself in the cupboard mirror, as you pause to hold up a top to see if it works with the jeans that you've selected, you're surprised to find that instead of puffy eyes and a drawn, tight, zombie like face like you'd expected to see; you're actually … blooming.

Your complexion is rosy and your eyes are bright. It's not just how you look though; it's apparent in all the other things, all the small touches that only you'd notice that had been wearing you down, all the negative energy, the heavy weight that had been bearing down on you is noticeably lighter. Because of it, your shoulders are lighter and you can totally feel an extra jump to your step.

The beautiful morning, and everything else since you've woken up is putting you in a good mind-set and a winning mood. You feel, dare you say it, almost hopeful. And all because of who …?

_Beca._

Beca Freaking Mitchell. You think with much more affection now and with a clarity that you'd not had since you started the competition. An unabashed, wonky smile appears on your face. Yes, she had snuck up on you but she had also stepped up for once, for you apparently. She had promised you that she would keep doing so and that she would make the most of it and work for it. So, you in turn had given her one last chance.

You wonder what this new day would bring for those plans of hers. You feel it again; that little tickly feeling building in your core. Was it giddy excitement at the prospect of things being different but better? You guess you would just have to wait and see.

Speaking of seeing; you can't wait to go and find her.

Beca could still be passed out on your couch, perhaps waiting to be woken up by your kisses. Or she could be wide awake waiting to wake you up with her kisses. You are definitely feeling more awake now as you hurry towards the door.

You stand with bated breath by the door not sure what to expect. Maybe she had gone against your plans? Perhaps she had left already and gone ahead? You're feeling your heart quickening as you reach for your bedroom door handle and you slowly open it to reveal if Beca was still sleeping on the sofa.

Someone else is blocking your view into the lounge. A sliver of dread runs through you. Uh oh! Aubrey's awake! _Dun dun dun!_ And she's scarily looming over a figure that you assume to be Beca; from what you can see of the motionless bulk, who appears to be shrunken back into the sofa cushions.

What was Aubrey doing? Oh my God! Did she … was Beca alright? Had Aubrey kil-

' _No, don't be stupid, Chloe!'_ You tell yourself. _'Aubrey wouldn't do something like that!'_

But you take a quick half step forward in panic anyway but you see Beca's foot move … okay, she's alive and she's moving... she's still breathing. You berate yourself for over reacting but what do you expect after only a couple of hours sleep. You turn your thoughts back to your best friend. No seriously, what _was_ Aubrey doing? Was she laying it on her now and did laying it on Beca consist of her finding ways to murder the brunette in her sleep?

Oh no wait, Beca's awake too. And now the rational part of your brain has kicked in, you can hear her, well, them both trying to talk quietly. You don't need to guess what Aubrey's doing, what they're doing, what they're talking about and whom. And you don't even have to try to listen in, their voices are wafting perfectly your way, carrying over the stillness and riding across the tension in the room.

"I know okay. I know." Beca is stage whispering. "And I want to take it all back; everything that I did to Chloe. Usually I'd be all 'I don't have to explain myself to you', but I think you deserve the explanation as you are the true friend here. You have emerged as the victor, while I failed. You deserve to hear what's going on and I understand perfectly well where it is your coming from. I just, uh, I'm in a very complicated position right now. I realize that not only am I attached to someone else, I'm also her coach and I'm new to all of this. But Aubrey, I, uh, I want her. I need her. Okay? I want to be with Chloe, more than I've ever wanted anything in my life and if, for some crazy reason, she may still want to be with me too … if there _is_ something there, no matter how tiny, I'll take it. And I am going to do what I can to win her back. I just wish it could be simple as that even when I know it's anything but ... but I will do everything I can to prove that. I've never meant anything so strongly before in my life. I will make up for everything. I will be the best that I can be for her. I will show her or at the very least try to prove to her every single day that I want her with me."

"It's going to take a lot more than that to get me to approve of this. At the moment, the way you have acted, you are not worthwhile, no, you aren't even worthy of her affections." Aubrey says, and you hear the hint of protectiveness in her voice that she usually reserves for her speeches to your cousin Janet when she has been a particularly spectacular pain in your ass.

"I want to be someone worthy of her love. I'll be that girl 'cos she deserves her. She comes first now. I know it'll have to be secret and on the down low for now but I'm in this for the long haul." Beca says and you know she is trying to get Aubrey on her side. You can hear her voice trail off though as Aubrey stretches up to her full height.

"I won't pretend that I believe you. But I guess there's no harm in letting you work for it, for my _approval_ for two of you, I mean and let me tell you will have to _work_ and I mean work harder than you ever have because Chloe listens to me and I have the _best friend_ say on who she _potentially_ dates. So you better not mess this up ... because the next time you make her cry again, boy will I make you regret it! You'll wish you'd never been born!" Aubrey says, she had been brandishing the pillow in front of her during her entire speech, but this time she's raising it menacingly, almost ominous in it's slow descent above her head.

"Ohmygod!" You breathe through your teeth. Then you think _'Aubrey's going to smother Beca with a pillow!'_

"Aubrey! Don't!" You scream and the two react in tandem; Beca jerks before quickly turning her gaze at you at the same time that Aubrey jumps two feet in the air, then spins to look at you, questioningly.

"Don't what!?" She asks confusedly, taking a couple of deep breaths while clutching her chest.

You make your way closer, they both do a pretty good job at rearranging their features to look like they hadn't been talking about you; Aubrey's now beaming, tucking away the pillow innocently.

"Never mind! You're up early, I thought you would have wanted to sleep in after last night?" You say to Aubrey.

"I'd say the same thing about you, but here you are, awake as well and uh, our guest and I were just making conversation-" Aubrey said, innocently, offhandedly.

"-Yeah, I guess we all felt like an early morning start." Beca said, speaking up, as she pushes herself up on the sofa cushions, wincing slightly as she caught her hand. "Aubrey was very considerate waking me up. I guess to check if I was still conscious or something."

"'Cos that would've been so extremely tragic if she never woke up again." Aubrey says straight-faced for a moment, before she cracked a smile. "So y'know I took charge and I made sure as soon as I woke up; I immediately went to check if she needed like a hangover cure or anything-" Aubrey tried to explain.

"-She's just _so_ sweet, so very concerned over my general well being." Beca said, lightly enough through her stiff smile though anyone listening can clearly detect the tiniest bit of a bite in the end of it.

It's almost believable; the act they were putting on but you knew one of them would have to crack eventually, it was just a matter of waiting to see who would do it first.

"So what's the delightful topic that's got you both so engaged so early in the morning?" You pose the question for either of them to answer. The two of them share a quick glance, you see Aubrey's eyes flashing almost in a warning before Beca glances your way and sighs.

"You." Beca said simply before flicking an eye to her left. "Sorry Aubrey."

"Way to go spilling the beans-" Aubrey said, looking thoroughly annoyed, as she slots her hands on her hips.

"-I'm being honest for a change, besides you know she totally heard us! No use covering it up!" Beca sighed. "So, yeah, thanks for the warning slash death threat; nothing quite like waking up to that in the morning." She says sarcasm lacing her fake jovial tone.

Beca tries to get to her feet but Aubrey's arms are there to stop her; her hand pushing her back down on the couch.

"No problem. I've got plenty of those stashed away." Aubrey returns pleasantly. "I'm watching you. One wrong move and you're a dead girl Mitchell." You catch Aubrey saying under her breath, tucking the words into the corner of her mouth.

"Oh Aubrey you shouldn't have. Well, now no one can say that you have been anything but accommodating." Beca replies, the trademark curl to her lip unconsciously appearing.

"No, not at all. It was entirely my pleasure."

"So now that everyone's up. Why don't we, um, let's do breakfast, shall we?" You say, frantically trying to inject some normalcy to relieve the situation.

Aubrey straightens up.

"Breakfast sounds good." Beca quickly gets to her feet, knocking away Aubrey's hand with her unbandaged one.

* * *

The electric, slightly tense mood doesn't change throughout breakfast though. You had quickly whipped up a simple tomato and cheese omelet with hot, buttery toast for everyone. The whole affair is rather quiet save for the occasional clink of the cutlery on your plates.

Beca is sitting way across from you at the other end of the table. Aubrey's between the two of you and yet it's as if Beca and you don't feel the distance at all; the two of you stay 'connected', and you feel it all throughout breakfast. In between the tentative smiles she sends your way which you hastily returned, there's also the occasional glances, you're freakishly hyperaware, your senses are tingling with what Beca's doing, following her every action. Similarly, the whole time you feel her eyes on you when she thinks you're not looking, you look up and your eyes meet and you can't help the little smirk as her face reddens at being caught.

"So, can I ask what were you up to last night. I mean what brought you here?" Aubrey asks, eventually breaking the silence.

You turn to Beca awaiting her answer. Of course you knew exactly what went down but you're still curious at how much Beca will reveal of the events of the night and her take on it. How was it all to her. Beca meets your gaze and in that one look it feels as though you are both remembering everything, feeling all of it; the energy…the unexpectedness of it all surge through you.

There had been the battling of pride and anger, love and hate and after all of it had been exhausted it had given way to forgiveness, then eventually acceptance.

"Am I talking to myself here?" Aubrey asks, breaking through your moment.

"Huh? What? Beg your pardon?" Beca asks, her face still looks a tad bit distracted, she only just manages to return her attention to Aubrey.

"I'm asking you what was with that behavior the other night?" Aubrey says stiffly polite, you know she's having a difficult time reining in her impatience her annoyance with all things Beca but that she was trying for your sake.

"I uh, had a, um, a bit too much to drink-" Beca began to stutter her explanation.

"-I totally didn't guess that one! Seriously, way to state the obvious. Care to say why? And does the reason have anything to do with what happened to your face?" Aubrey asked, a small smirk appearing on her face.

"What's wrong with my face?" Beca asks, one of her hands flying up to her face to feel or rub away at whatever the offending matter was. "Ow!" She winces when she her fingers land on her right cheek, a reaction to the pain from both her hand and her face or just one you aren't quite sure.

You're on your feet in an instant and move quickly around the table to her side.

"Are you okay? How's the hand?" You ask, glancing down as she nestles her hand in her lap.

"There's something wrong with your hand too?" Aubrey asks skeptically, leaning back in her chair.

"No, it's my face apparently." Beca deadpans in Aubrey's direction.

"Sorry Beca, there's nothing you can do about that. It's already there and not so easy to change!" Aubrey says, laughing. "Unless you want to spend a lot of money fixing that, which, oh yeah I'm totally forgetting who I'm talking to;you totally have ... so feel free!"

The two of you choose to ignore her.

You're taking Beca's face in your hands gently, tilting it to the light in order to see better and there, marring her otherwise flawless face, is a rapidly developing bruise, small enough not to spot immediately yet as it was near enough to her ear to be hidden partially by her hair (but seeing as Aubrey spots every tiny little thing, you're not surprised she saw it). It was obviously already a dark angry color. You feel a jolt of pure guilt and some parts wonder that you had done this to her.

"What is it?" Beca asks, her eyes questioning, taking your hand from her cheek, keeping a hold on it, probably longer than most people would deem necessary but she clearly didn't want to let go.

"There's a bruise forming. I'm so sorry." You say and you see the realization dawning on Beca's face, the memory of the day before flooding back.

"Why are you apologizing to her? It's not like it was your fault." Aubrey says, giving you a very strange look. "Or was it ... wait, you did this to her?" Aubrey's face twitches, she fails at keeping the straight face she's so desperately trying to administer. She's clearly amused, her eyes are glinting with barely suppressed glee.

You glare at her until she returns her features to normal.

"Ahem, I'm not sure whether to be surprised, scared, impressed, proud or all of the above-"

"-I didn't mean to slap her. It just happened." You protest.

"How can you 'just happen' to slap someone?" Aubrey air quotes as she continues her line of questioning, the lawyer within her never quite suppressed completely. "And honey, you don't just get a bruise from a light slapping, you clearly did more than that. I think you must have backhanded her."

"I deserved it anyway." Beca said, defending you immediately.

"I'm pretty sure you did!" Aubrey comments, under her breath which you catch but you're not sure whether Beca does.

Aubrey's definitely trying, almost itching, to start something. No, actually wanting to continue from where Beca and her had left off; where they were getting to before you had turned up. It was bubbling just under the surface and you made your mind up to speak to her after breakfast to tell her that all was well and to cool her jets.

"No! I shouldn't have gotten physical." You continue to say in earnest, feeling the regret, the shame racing through you. You're not one to get physical, in fact, you avoided it at all costs, you're certainly not one to resort to violence, to lose your head despite the whole 'redheads being feisty, snarky and soulless' thing, till Beca stirred things up. She tended to make you lose control of yourself, and sometimes not in a good way.

"Chloe. It's totally alright-" Beca begins to say, her smile's reassuring and her eyes are softening as she holds your gaze.

"-Stop saying it is, when it's not!" You say, just stopping short of screeching annoyed that she won't let you feel guilty about it. "I practically ruined your face."

"-Might improve the look." Aubrey mutters, as she picks up her glass, taking an overly large gulp of juice.

"You ruined my face?" Beca's face looks astounded, then she barks out a laugh. "What did you break it or something? Am I like some fragile little doll?"

"Stop trying to make me laugh. It isn't funny."

"It is! Well, sort of."

"I agree the picture you're painting is hilarious. Chloe is usually so non-confrontational, it's almost ridiculous and I find it hard to believe. Therefore, as actions speak louder than words, I think a re-enactment is in order. Do it again!" Aubrey butts in.

The both of you turn to Aubrey who quickly closes her mouth but she's still failing at holding in her amusement.

"Your make up crew is going to have a hard time covering it up! The press is going to have a field day!"

"Uh, well my make up girl is excellent at what she does so ... but it's really not needed as I totally pull of a bruise."

"Oh yes, the resident badass in the house." Aubrey mirthed. "Well, purple and blue suits you. You sure you don't need someone to even it out though?" She asks sounding like she's not entirely joking.

Beca turns to Aubrey; her face serious.

"Why don't you try it and let's just see what'll happen." The air stills. Aubrey's face too splits into a challenging glare, her hand forms a fist.

"Don't mind if I do." Aubrey turns to Beca making a show of cracking her knuckles.

"Bring it aca-bitch!" Beca seethes.

"I've already brought it aca-slut!"

"Okay, can you two just quit it!?" You can't help barking, both scared and tired of their bitchy talk. "Seriously, can't you manage to mellow down even just for a few seconds." The two backed off each other, though from the looks Aubrey's raised eyebrow, dagger eyes and crossed arms, and Beca's little smirk, it may not last for long.

"So Chloe, you smacked her really good …" She says first smiling at you, then sneering tauntingly at Beca. "... and then what Beca? You liked it rough and you wanted more? I don't get why you still had to come crawling back here."

"Like I said, it wasn't her fault. She was provoked … I provoked her into doing that to me and so I came to make things right with Chloe."

"How did you see yourself doing that when you were completely off your face? That plan wasn't so well thought through, was it?" Aubrey so very snidely says, a smirk playing on her lips."Were you just planning on winging it, hoping and banking on that Beca Mitchell charm to push you through it?"

You can sense Beca's oncoming retort but you cut it dead before the two of them decide to fight it out.

"I thought she got her message across perfectly well actually." You say and Beca's attention is on you again. She catches your eye and you see hers twinkling happily. You feel the smile stretch completely unhibited across your face and see hers brightening in return.

"I'm sure it's just plain great!" Aubrey says, cutting through your smile and staring fest, her irritation now clearly apparent. "Falling for and just plain fawning over whatever crap she dishes out."

"What's wrong with you Bree?" You ask, keeping your tone as neutral as possible.

"Oh really? What's wrong with me? _Me_!?" Aubrey squeaked out. Though by the sound of it, it had quickly jumped past mere irritation to absolute fury.

Then again it might've not been the best idea to ask her; it had opened Pandora's Box and given Aubrey leeway to be thoroughly, almost painfully blunt about everything.

"Shouldn't you be asking yourself that?" Aubrey's saying making you wince, "Or even this midget that you so easily allowed entrance last night after she left you broken and crying. Twice I hasten to add. Or actually way too many times than I can count."

You stiffen up. Shit, she knows. Wait, she knows or was she just speculating?

"Allowed her entrance? She didn't ... we didn't even-" You start to protest, to cover up but Beca's saying something entirely different.

"-We were just talking!" She says evenly, not quite helping the situation.

"When I said allowed her entrance Chloe, I was pertaining to the house, not your room or anywhere else that I don't need to know about ... but you both obviously just confirmed it!"

You color up, feeling shamed. You weren't sure what you had been hoping for. You had thought by asking, and hearing her out that you'd be able to appease her in some way and normally that'd work whenever the two of you had problems. Normally Aubrey could be level headed, even _calm_ about this and could be talked into some sense but with Beca's presence setting her off there wasn't a chance.

You stare at Aubrey, feeling like a naughty child.

She directs her glare solely at Beca now.

"And you think I didn't know it was you who started it when you snuck in to Chloe's room. You are seriously unbelievable preying on her when she's her most weak, vulnerable, submissive self."

"And TALKING?! Is that what you call it these days? _Talking_?! Yes, I'm sure you got a lot of that done! I heard plenty of the 'talking' you did last night." Your brows come together and you aren't sure if you understood or heard her correctly, what was she getting at. "I don't know if I was clear enough a while ago but I absolutely detest what's happening here with the two of you but I especially don't like the idea of my best friend pairing up with the likes of you." She spits out with blatant disgust.

Wait a minute.

Of the many Aubrey things that you had experienced over the years, one that stood out was her peculiar ways of speaking or coming up with terms that meant something else … usually for lascivious acts as she hated being crass and her special use of the words _paired up_ and everything else she was implying is suddenly clear to you; she thought that something more had happened between the two of you last night and that Beca had almost sort of seduced you into doing so.

You open your mouth, or rather it drops open in mild outrage and astonishment, it takes a while for you to gather your words to speak out but you're too appalled and Beca beats you to it.

"We didn't _pair up_ last night!" Beca protested, shooting a glance your way. "We just … came to some sort of understanding, um, between the two of us."

"The two of you aren't fooling anyone you know, _me_ at the very least. Sound travels! _And_ you couldn't even contain to just the bedroom, you had to go to the bathroom and dirty that haven. You weren't too quiet in there either, I heard you knocking everything about. And in case you didn't notice or somehow it didn't occur to you, there's a reason people like the showers to practice singing in … good acoustics … so yeah, all the moaning and groaning; well it reverberated all the way to my room." She cringes, clutching at her stomach; a sign you've come to recognize but then recovers enough to continue talking.

"Chloe, I've known you too long, mopped up too many tears and watch you overdose on Ben & Jerry's once too many to not have seen you at your worst. Well, I thought that was the worst but this ... was just beyond the pail. I thought you had more conviction in you." She shakes her head, heavy with disappointment. She sneers at Beca. "And as for you Mitchell, I just don't buy your shit! You tell me you want to win her back? And that you had to come up with some bullshit good intentions like you're asking for my approval or something when the two of you already clearly have made up." She shakes her head in apparent scorn and disbelief. "You are untrustworthy, deceitful and you wear far too much eye makeup. So you are definitely the wrong type of person for my best friend." Aubrey bites, a confidence to her voice.

"What?-" Beca asks, taking the bait immediately.

"-Aubrey … you have to stop, that's not what happened." You start to protest straight away, talking over Beca but Aubrey doesn't bother to look your way, like her whole concentration is set on burning a hole into Beca's brain with her eyes. "Beca didn't try anything, she just wanted to ta-"

"-No, it's okay." Beca says, interrupting you in mid flow. Her face is smooth and calm; patiently steeling herself for what she knows is going to be bad if it was coming out of Aubrey's mouth. "Go on Aubrey. Get it off your chest. I know you got cut short a while ago. No use bottling it in anymore."

"You famous people are all alike." Aubrey starts. "You are all so full of yourselves. You, Beca Whatever-Your-Middle-Name-Is Mitchell-"

"-Marie." You supply almost automatically, the two of them spare you a glance; Aubrey looking annoyed. Beca's still frowning but her mouth had twitched, she had nearly slipped for a second, she had been so close to forming that mischievous grin before falling back into that expressionless mask that she used on the show or when answering interview questions that she really didn't want to answer.

"Beca- _Whatever_ -Mitchell-" Aubrey continues, getting worked up as she unleashes her thoughts, her face now red. "-are a total pretentious, controlling, manipulative, drama queen, you enjoy, no, you _crave_ the attention, you can't survive when you're not in the center of it all. And, and, and with Chloe you get all that for free because she's so enamored by you and your freaking act, that she can't see straight let alone think straight."

"Aubrey!" You protest immediately as your best friend takes a moment to pause for breath. She has however, not yet finished with her verbal assault.

"But like I said, you don't fool me. There was a time when I thought you could sort your shit out long enough to be worthy of my best friend's time and effort but you proved me wrong thankfully." She raises her finger and prods Beca hard in the chest a prod for each syllable "So now, we can be rid of you permanently."

"Ow." Beca comments, but says nothing else. Aubrey lowers her hand but continues to glare at Beca.

"Think about last night and how we took you in, letting you stay and looking after you. Take that as our way of showing you how it's like for us decent folk to treat other people nicely, even the ones that don't deserve it." She announces with a flourish, even giving a little nod at the end to signal her convictions.

"Aubrey?" You try once more to get Aubrey to listen to you. You cast an eye towards Beca trying to gauge her expression and you are admittingly surprised mostly greatly relieved to see that she still remains reasonably calm. Though her frown has deepened and there's an almost sour tinge coating that once amused twist to her mouth. You see how she imperceptibly shakes her head your way signaling for you to stop trying.

"If it were up to me, I'd want you out of here, and I'd be glad to never see your face around these parts ever again." Aubrey continues and you worry how long this session is going to last.

"Aubrey!" You say, as loudly as you can without shouting.

"Don't 'Aubrey' me Chloe! You are letting your heart rule your head again. You aren't thinking straight with-" Aubrey's rant is curtailed by a phone ringing.

Beca pats her pockets as she realizes it's hers. She pulls the phone from her pocket, frowning hard as she looks at the screen. She silences the call and slips the phone back in her pocket.

"Sorry." She says, forcing a smile before turning back to Aubrey, her eyes downcast. Aubrey uncharacteristically flounders for a second, having lost her train of thought. "You were saying how Chloe wasn't thinking straight?" Beca offers.

"Yes, thank you." Aubrey says politely before catching herself with what she said to Beca, shooting her a look as if to dare Beca to acknowledge her niceties. "Chloe, you cannot-"

Beca's phone rings in her pocket and you and Aubrey both glance towards her. She sighs heavily before digging around in her pocket again and thumbing the screen on her phone.

"Yes?!" She says irritably. There is a moment or two of awkward silence as she listens to the caller on the other end. "Not really. I'm with friends at the moment."

Aubrey eyeballs you as Beca motions towards your bedroom, signaling that she's going to take the call in there.

"It's … I have to take this." She mutters, a hint of regret in her tone.

You nod acquiescing. She casts a wary glance at Aubrey who rolls her eyes.

"Saved by the phone, whatever just get out of my sight." She says, cattily.

Beca nods, then walks over to your room and nudges the door behind her but it doesn't close completely and due to the slanting nature to your apartment, it slowly opens as Beca takes a spot by the window.

Aubrey and you watch her as she talks on the phone. You can't quite hear what she's saying but she doesn't look happy as she fiddles with the curtains. She turns and catches you both looking at her.

Aubrey has the good graces to turn away, pretending to find an advertising leaflet very interesting.

Whatever it is she's discussing, with whomever it was on the other line, she spares a moment directing her attention entirely to you. She smiles at you over the conversation she's having when she sees you still staring, and mouths 'work' then rolls her eyes and mimes choking herself, which you know she's doing to get you to laugh which you concede to do. Beca's attention goes back to her talking or rather listening to the caller.

"Chloe … Chloe?" Aubrey's voice breaks through your reverie. "Chloe!"

"Huh?" You utter quietly, shaking yourself out of it. "Sorry, you were saying?"

Aubrey has this look on her face; it's her normal, concerned face but there's something else; a certain sadness, almost akin to pity laced across her defined features.

"I'm just extremely worried about your well being, that's basically what I was saying." Aubrey begins to explain.

"Look, I know that you aren't happy with what's happening but I need you to trust me on this. Please Bree?" You ask, pleading with her to understand and loving her protectiveness at the same time.

"Chloe, look I know you don't want to hear this but things can't just change drastically overnight." Aubrey explains. "People can't; not the ones who aren't serious about pursuing the matter anyway which Beca certainly isn't-"

You want to say that you knew that... but that you'd already made up your mind about Beca but that wasn't quite true.

"-How would you know what she isn't willing to do?" You ask instead, wanting to get an answer for that as well.

"Come on Chlo, you know in your heart of hearts that Beca's not going to go the distance here and go through with this. She's just not made that way. And it's just that the two of you have such a long way to go, until you're ready for the whole being together aspect of it all."

"I know I shouldn't have let her in but I swear what Beca said was the truth; nothing happened. Well _nothing's_ a light word as a lot physically happened last night."

Aubrey's eyes turned worried her hand immediately find its way to cover her ears. She winces slightly but you carry on regardless.

"Many things transpired but not in the manner you're thinking." You say, keeping the tone light. Aubrey slowly, cautiously lowers her hands and you proceed to recount the almost surreal events of the night until early morning just a few hours ago.

"Huh! I see, so she was hurt and bleeding and in need of your help and you just-"

"-I couldn't help it-" Bree! I 'just'-." You say, not just in response to her but to everything; the whole Beca and you dilemma. You bite your lip, feeling all kinds of pathetic and weak hearing Aubrey recounting it made it worse

"-I know." Aubrey interrupts, placing a hand on your arm, her face softening. "You're you and Beca … well, she's Beca. It _was_ bound to happen anyway. I just wished it was under better circumstances. Not just better but completely different circumstances, far, far away from everything."

"Me too. But how else was I going to meet her?" You ask, wistfully.

"If fate meant for you to be together, you'd have found a way, as you two already did ... I guess." Aubrey concedes, a slight budge in her voice and demeanor.

"It actually sounds like you could be warming up to the idea!" You laugh.

"I wouldn't go that far!" Aubrey joins you with a laugh of her own, pulling you in for an embrace. You needed that hug more than you realized and you envelope her back, settling into her shoulder.

"I can't help wanting to protect you, you know that."

"I know." You murmur back.

"Especially against emotionally challenged idiots like-"

You are startled out of your moment by Beca walking back into the kitchen.

"-Um, Aubrey? Could you please give us a moment?" She asks at the same time Aubrey mutters _'Perfect timing.'_ under her breath.

Aubrey pulls away from you, squeezing your arm and she stands and nods at Beca. She heads to her room, throwing a look over her shoulder; a look that Beca acknowledges as she takes Aubrey's spot at the table and Aubrey retires to her room. She leaves the door slightly ajar. You glance at it knowing Aubrey's listening in now but Beca requires your attention and you shift it to her.

"Hey you." Beca says, fingering her hair and swallowing a couple of times. "I, uh, need to tell you something."

"What?" You ask, playfully, grinning at her seriousness trying to mask the sudden spike of nerves.

"I'm leaving-" Beca says.

"-On a jet plane?" You say jokingly.

"No, I mean-" Beca begins to speak.

"-Yeah I got that! I know you can't stay here forever." You tease.

"No, I mean the country ... I'm going away for a couple of days, maybe two or three it hasn't been decided yet." She says, her voice wavering a little at the end.

"Okay, what's with the serious look? And the tone; you almost had me worried." You say and her mouth lifts a bit though her eyes remain distressed. You feel a drop in your mood, feeling weary but you try to keep up the humorous tone. "Should I be? It's not like you're not coming back or is that it?"

Beca shakes her head.

"Where are you going anyways?" You ask.

"London." She says simply. Your heart gives a dull thud.

"Oh." You finally say, your voice coming out small and weedy, before you clear it, the next delivery coming out stronger, trying to sound unaffected and nonchalant. "To be with …?"

_Jesse._

You can't bring yourself to say his name out loud. That particular name attached to that brand of villain had always left you with a bitter after taste in your mouth. You aren't too surprised that he hadn't crossed your mind at all; you rarely gave him the time of day and hardly spared a second dwelling on the thought of them (Beca and him together) since he left, let alone thinking about it, the exception being last night. And yet now it comes back with a vengeance, a real kick in your gut; the worry amped way up, the sick feeling, the sordid thought that you hadn't physically needed him being there for things to fall apart. The two of you had managed quite well on your own.

"Not to 'be with him' be with him, but I will be seeing him there and we'll be hanging out for a bit." She easily explains.

"Okay then. What is this then? Are you like asking for permission, some sort of validation or something?" You ask, unable to hide the snark in your voice coming from feeling insecure and just plain old jealous and scared.

"No I just, I wanted to tell you. I wanted you to know everything-"

"-What? Is that supposed to do make me feel better knowing you're off doing God knows what with him?" You spit out, unable to hold back any longer.

"We won't! I wouldn't! I'm committed to you now." Beca says, earnestly.

"Really, what guarantee do I have that you won't suddenly change your mind as you are prone to do? And it's not like you'll be doing anything wrong. I mean, you two are still engaged right, you are still _his_."

"Chloe? I, I said I'm done running and I mean it. I'm saying it again now; I'm not going to run anymore. I'm here and I'll be here for the long run."

"You've _said_ that, along with a couple of other hasty promises last night. So, how am I supposed to keep doing this Beca, when every time you promise me something you go back on your word immediately the next morning!"

"I am not going back on my word!" She spits out. You can't help scoffing out loud in response. She frowns. "I'm not! It's not like I had any control over this-" Beca speaks with precision, trying to get you to understand what she's saying.

"-You've been saying similar things along that line lately."

"Chloe! I don't want to go but I have to, okay… it's my job." She pauses squeezes her eyes shut, massages her temples. "Can we please, please not fight?" She begs tiredly. You're not quite ready to let it go but you decide to budge just a little bit on her request.

"So when do you have to leave?" You ask, angrily but not without sadness.

"Um, that's the thing." She lets out everything sounding like a slow unending sigh. "I have to go now. Hank is already on his way here." Beca admits.

"Oh." You simply say.

"I know, it's such bad timing and everything-" Beca says, hesitant in her approach but you reach out and allow her to make the last connection, so that she's now touching your forearm. It's enough for now. The two of you stay there in silence not quite knowing what to say. The time was dwindling and you don't know why more than ever it feels important to do something, to say something to grasp on to the remaining promises, the hope whispered into the early morning.

"Can I come to the airport with you?" You ask and it's out of your mouth before you fully grasp what you're asking and your expression falls, feeling like a total idiot when her face suddenly tenses.

The silence almost becomes unbearable. You open your mouth to take it back but Beca's speaking over you.

"I _want_ you to." She says slowly, her eyes burning. "Chloe, you don't know how much … I wish I could take you with me." Beca's face turns apologetic, sad almost defeated. "But it's probably not a good idea."

You knew that you were only just trying to find a way to keep her close to you for as long as possible. And you think she understands that.

"The paps are out in full force today because of Stella McCartney's new launch and I wouldn't want-" Beca trails off, her eyes grow tired and worried as she continues to rub your arm.

"-Yeah, I get it. You don't want to be seen with me." You say, almost sullenly.

"No, it's not that at all." She says quickly, her grip tightening temporarily, eyes darting about. "It'll be busy there today. And also, with Barb's comments from a few weeks ago, it'll just be easier to say-" She tries to explain better but is interrupted by a car horn outside.

***beep beep***

She grips you to her and hurriedly speaks out,

"I need to keep you away from all that. But besides not wanting our goodbyes to be shouted out across a concourse, there's that painful image of me having to walk away from you. With you there I won't be able to manage getting on the plane, truth be told, I'm not even sure I can go now."

You move to the living room window and see Beca's car draw up outside.

"There's my ride so I guess ... I can't get out of it now. So much for hoping it wouldn't be able to make it here." She says and sighs long and hard as she joins you by the window. "This will have to be a goodbye."

"I know. So don't be a stranger." You say lamely wanting to ask ... not knowing how to ask, _if_ you were allowed to ask but you were running out of time so you go ahead and push through.

"Promise me something." You say more than ask.

"Anything." She says, fervently.

"Keep in touch while you are gone. Just whenever you can. So you know, I know you are thinking of me." You say, acutely aware of how vulnerable you sound and yet you try to laugh it off, rolling your eyes trying _not_ to be so obvious about it, not wanting to come off as entirely needy.

"You are never _out_ of my thoughts." She admits her hand reaches out to cup your face, her touch so gentle, so delicate, so loving, so unlike what you imagine she'd be like. She rests it there for a second her eyes tracing over your features and your face colors when for a split second she seems to forget herself, and traces your lips with her thumb, her mouth nearing as if to kiss you but there isn't enough time and you knew that the whole being able to let her leave thing would become all the more difficult, almost virtually impossible. You pull away slightly and she then drops it to your shoulder and squeezes. "But yes, I'll text, call and Facetime whenever I can. I know it's not the same but it'll have to do for now."

Beca pulls you in for a hug, digging her fingers in tightly around your shoulders. You lay your hands tightly around her back, squeezing her in as hard as you can. You actually sniff her hair too.

"Keep up the vocal exercises. Rest as much as you can. Drink plenty. And ..." Beca says as you pull apart. "... and be good."

"Aye, aye Captain." You say, offering her a mock salute.

Beca pats her pockets, and fishes around in the left inside one for a second, before pulling out her car keys.

"Look after my car for a couple of days?" She asks.

"Of course." You reply, taking the keys from her. You can feel your eyes smarting a little, you don't want to say goodbye, when things were finally starting to get resolved. It feels like you are leaving everything on a cliffhanger.

"Look, maybe, what if, um, no, how about I don't go-" She begins to say, her eyes earnest,

"-Just go. Go on. I'll see you soon." You say, not giving yourself a second to consider this, giving her the smallest of pushes towards your front door. You certainly don't want Hank waking up the neighbors if he has to sound the horn again.

"Chloe ... I ..."

"I'll miss you too." You say, fiercely. "Text me when you land if you can and um, are not too busy." You say, wanting to ask what she'll be doing in London but you can't quite bring yourself to deal with the answer if it involved Jesse too much.

"I will." Beca said, with her hand on your front door. "See you soon, OK?"

"OK!" You say, planting a quick kiss on her cheek.

Her fingers linger on her cheek for a second before she pulled the door open. The whoosh sound reverberated around the living room and you sense Aubrey's bedroom door opening as Beca stepped outside. She pulled her sunglasses from her pocket, fixing them to her face as she lightly jogged down your steps and onto the path.

You saw Hank jump out of the car and open the back door for her. She paused as she reached the kerb, turned and kissed her fingers before waving at you.

You wave back as cheerfully as you can as she bundled herself into the back of the car. She turned back to wave again as Hank pushes the door shut and climbed back into the driver's seat.

You continue to watch as he drives off, leaning as casually as you can against the door jamb. You wait until you can no longer see the car, then you step back into the living room, acutely aware of Aubrey's eyes on you.

"You okay?" She asks and you are actually fine. Just a tiny bit sad that it all had to come to a stop so abruptly.

"I'm good!" You say brightly. "We'll be in touch while she is gone. It's just hitting me ... that I'll probably have to get used to her doing this."

"Doing what?" Aubrey asks, moving into the room to be closer to you.

"Disappearing at the drop of a hat like that. She is a busy girl. In demand. You know?" You say, not quite sure where to put your eyes. You place Becas' car keys on the small table by your front door.

"Sure you are OK? You're not wigging out on me, are you?" Aubrey asks you.

"I'm fine. I'm going to clear up the breakfast things and go for a run or something." You say, working hard at summoning enough energy to come off as cheery.

"Okay Chlo." Aubrey says, looking mightily unconvinced, totally not buying your act. "I've got to get to work. You call me if you need anything. I mean it ... anything at all. "

"I will." You say, as you head over to the table to begin to clear everything away. "Oh, and Bree?"

"Yes?" She says, pausing at her bedroom door.

"Thanks for everything last night." You say, sincerely.

"It's totes fine, Chloe. It's what sisters are for, right?" She smiles gently now, she's being all supportive and understanding and you appreciate it.

"Right. But, thanks." You smile at her, before busying yourself with the breakfast things.

"No need for thanks. We are beyond that now. I'm going to help you get everything sorted and fixed and put back to the way it was so all you have to do is concentrate on moving forward, getting on with everything." Aubrey says, nodding towards your bedroom.

"How do you mean?" You ask, wondering how involved Aubrey was going to be in your whatever-it-is with Beca if she was making those bold statements already. You didn't really need a babysitter.

"Have you so easily forgotten your little psychotic episode, mental breakdown, psychological meltdown or whatever you want to call it from last night?" She asks.

"My what?" You say. "Last night? Look nothing happened with Beca-"

"- Yeah, I believe you already! But I meant before she turned up drunk as a skunk and you'd decided to completely redecorate your Beca shrine, um, sorry your 'bedroom' to something less obsessive."

"Oh!" You say, cringing slightly at the memory, remembering your ripping your posters and mementoes off the wall and stuffing everything into trash bags. It seemed like it happened weeks ago.

"I know some of those things were important and expensive so as a gift, I'll salvage what I can for you." Aubrey says kindly.

"You don't have to do that." You say, knowing Aubrey was trying to make up for her behavior from before however resistance was futile when Aubrey set her mind to doing something.

"I know I don't _have_ to do anything. I _want_ to. And because you don't expect it, that's why I'll do something."

"Thanks Bree, really, thank you."

"Welcome. Now, I really have to go to work. Have a good day, okay, and I'll be home at the normal time."

You both hug just before she leaves and you idly think of how much you've been missing the receiving and giving of a warm hug these past few dark days. You were a huggy kinda person both giving and receiving wise so to not feel like hugging was totally not normal to you ... but for once it had felt too stifling and you hadn't wanted it. Right now, however, more than ever you needed another person's arms around you to keep you steady, make you feel whole, wanted, needed, loved and Aubrey's arms would do. It made you feel safe, sheltered and it was almost unbelievable how much such a small gesture meant to you, how much comfort it gave.

* * *

You are determined to keep yourself busy and not worry about Beca being in London so you make a mental note to write a list of things you need to get done before she gets back. The little jobs you have been putting off for weeks. Starting with cleaning the kitchen from top to bottom. Aubrey is meticulously neat but even she doesn't move the fridge away from the wall to clean behind it. You decide to make a start as soon as she has gone to work.

After your goodbyes that morning and Aubrey's slightly over the top farewell hug, you begin your tasks. You want to keep busy and stop your mind from wandering.

You do like spending time on your own, you enjoy your own company; getting lost in your own thoughts. But now, it almost feels dangerous. Because these days it's the ripest moment for when you're most likely to start over thinking everything.

' _Did I just forgive Beca a bit too quickly? A bit too eagerly?'_ You think to yourself, as you begin to clean behind the cooker. You try to reason with yourself, the angel and the devil on your shoulders playing havoc with your thoughts. You shake yourself as you move to sweep the living room floor.

"She came in with her fancy speech and bowled me over again, didn't she?" You say out loud as you brush the dust and crumbs into a pan. "But I think I wanted that ... didn't I?"

As you busy yourself for the next couple of hours, a million thoughts run through your mind;

' _Was everything moving too fast?'_

' _How'd it go from all cute and happy and bubbly in the beginning to this?'_

' _Where you ready for anything else that the universe would decide to throw at you?'_

' _Could Beca and you function normally … were you meant for this new stage in your relationship?_

You move your attention to your bedroom but being back in there overwhelms you a little and you suddenly feel the effects of the night before and the little sleep you had. You sink on to the rug by your bed, randomly picking at the threads until your fingers are covered in little, wooly fibres.

You continue to pick away as you think of all the activities you need to do to fill the next couple of days. You wanted to keep busy, you had to be. You don't want to become that girl; the kind whose entire life revolved around their significant other, so numbed by their utter dependence that with their absence comes complete uselessness and helplessness, moping around, questioning the whole point of their existence, eagerly awaiting the other's call before they can do anything with their day.

But you can feel yourself slipping into that role; it happened the very moment Beca said she would text you, call you and find you on Facetime and you knew that you would be eagerly awaiting for that to happen.

And you know you shouldn't have been waiting for a call this quick as you knew she was busy but you couldn't help missing her already even though only a couple of hours had passed.

You only stop short of putting a hole in the rug when you phone buzzes on your nightstand. You snake a lazy hand up to grab it, fully expecting it to be Aubrey checking up on you and reminding you to eat lunch.

You thumb your screen as you shake the curls out of your eyes and scroll down to your messages.

Message 11.15: Beca – I'm on the plane. Sorry I had to rush off like that. Taking off in a few minutes but just wanted to say hey before I go. So hey! Will send you a message when I land. :)

You quickly type back a message to wish her a safe journey while your heart is doing elaborate somersaults. It still does funny things to your insides when the notion crosses your mind that of all the people in the world she could have messaged, she had chosen you. You feel like doing a happy dance but maintain some sort of level of dignity!

Her message gives you renewed vigor and you decide to head to the studios for a few hours to get some vocal training for the upcoming show. You call for one of the studio cars to come for you before diving into the shower, finishing in record time as you throw on some clean clothes.

You send a quick message to Aubrey to let her know where you are going just in case she calls you and you don't answer. She messages back instantly to say she'll sort dinner out that evening.

You grab your coat and your purse as you leave the house, glad you opted _not_ to take Beca's car in case that caused all manner of confusion at the studios. The car is waiting for you as you skip down the steps, beaming at the driver who gives you a strange look but returns the smile.

You spend a comfortable afternoon on your one-on-one with Anna, and your throat holds out well with very little pain. She lets you go after several hours with your promise not to over do it that evening and spend it quietly at home. This was something you had every intention of doing anyway as you wanted to wait in for Beca's text.

* * *

Aubrey had cooked your favorite meal and you could smell it from outside as you got home and you questioned what you had done to deserve such fine food.

"You worked hard today!" She said pleasantly, as she served you. You know this was her way of an apology as well for much much earlier. "The place was positively gleaming when I got home."

You didn't realize how hungry you were until you started eating and only just realized you had skipped lunch. The meal passed easily with you both sharing your day and soon enough you were plopped in front of the television, laughing together at a rom com you both had seen a dozen times.

The emotions of the day had gotten to you and before you were aware, you had nodded off on the sofa, your legs resting over Aubrey's and your head dunked into the cushions. You hadn't known how truly tired you had been until you woke early the next morning, covered in one of Aubrey's blankets.

Rubbing the sleep from your eyes, you quickly located your phone to find out the time only to see that it had already gone past 8.30. You immediately spied a message in your inbox and quickly scrolled down to read it.

Message 00.25: Beca – Morning Chloe. Well, I caught the first flight out to London. I know I said that I'd call you when I landed but I had to get to the hotel and stuff. I wanted to say that I'm missing you and all that. I would've called to really say that to you but I didn't wanna wake you. So you're hopefully sleeping well and I hope you are dreaming of me. Wow, I wanted to play that line straight but that sounds, well it reads weird. So ... Scratch that. But I do hope you do have sweet dreams none the less. I'll call you at about 6pm your time and we'll have a catch up then. Don't miss me too much or hopefully at least not as much as I'm missing you.. :)

6pm couldn't come soon enough. Today was another You day. You had the Muppets movie 'Me Party' song as a soundtrack as you spend the rest of the day singing out.

**_I look around_ **   
**_And once again I'm on my own_ **   
**_My man ain't here_ **   
**_He's gone and done me wrong_ **

**_No one's gonna stop_ **   
**_This girl from having fun_ **   
**_I throw my hands up high_ **   
**_And have a party for one!_ **

**_I'm having a me party!_ **   
**_A party by myself_ **   
**_A me party!_ **   
**_I don't need nobody else._ **

**_I'm having a me party!_ **   
**_I'm the first and last to show!_ **   
**_There's no one at this party_ **   
**_That I don't already know!_ **

**_I'm not gonna sit around_ **   
**_By myself and wait for you_ **   
**_Haven't you heard?_ **   
**_One is the new two!_ **

**_I'm gonna make a scene_ **   
**_I'm gonna make a fuss!_ **   
**_Tonight I'm gonna celebrate with_ **   
**_Just the one of us!_ **

**_I'm having a me party!_ **   
**_I don't need no invitation!_ **   
**_A me party!_ **   
**_I just love the conversation!_ **

**_Me party!_ **

**_You do the math, Frog!_ **   
**_It means I don't need you!_ **

**_I won't lie,_ **   
**_There are times_ **   
**_When I wish I was with you_ **   
**_There are days when all this girl can see_ **   
**_Is a world that's made for two_ **   
**_At times like this I feel alone_ **   
**_And it's like nobody cares_ **   
**_But I only have to call my name_ **   
**_And darling I'll be there!_ **

**_I'm having a me party!_ **   
**_Haven't I seen me here before?_ **   
**_Having a me party!_ **   
**_I'm the last one on the dance floor!_ **

**_Me party!_ **   
**_A party just for moi!_ **   
**_Me party!_ **   
**_This is solo mardi gras!_ **

**_Me party!_ **   
**_I'm such good company!_ **   
**_Me party!_ **   
**_I save the last dance for me!_ **

**_What happens at a Me Party_ **   
**_Stays at a me partay-yay-yay._ **

You having fun belting out while you're sorting out your sock drawer, rearranging the cushions on the sofa, doing some laundry, even alphabetizing the books on your bookshelf; anything to help the time pass more quickly.

Every time your phone pinged with a message, you'd scramble to get it out of your pocket, hoping it was a message from Beca. And while you loved Fat Amy to bits, you wholeheartedly wished she wouldn't send you so many pictures and jokes. You declined an invitation to an evening out with the girls, preferring to stay in and wait for your call.

After accomplishing all the things on your to do list with at least fifteen minutes to spare, you decide that it's time to start getting ready. This was going to be your first Facetime chat and much like a first date you wanted to be fully prepped and perfect for it.

You were seated on the sofa again at five to six, your hair is washed again and your makeup freshly done. You've even got changed into one of your favourite outfits and put polish on your nails.

You were waiting for her call right now as promised. Okay countdown time. four minutes. three. two. Hmm was there time for one more round of 'Me Party' ?

There wasn't- you jump as the phone starts to ring. Beca gets to you right on the dot, fulfilling her promise. You are surprised and if honest, you fall for her a little bit more feeling comforted in the thought that it wasn't just you wanting and full out anticipating, feeling the need to bridge the distance between the two of you as soon as possible. You are so busy being happy, you almost forget to swipe to answer the call.

"Hey there!" You call out as her face appears on your screen.

"H!" She breathed out, her smile as wide as can be. Your heartbeat speeds and simultaneously slows when you look at her, whenever you're at the receiving end of that smile ... cos just damn. She looked so good.

"Well you look really pretty! Is there a special occasion or some fancy event that you have to go to?" You say, carefully. You aren't sure how you feel about her going out.

"Uh yeah … you wanna know what's the highlight of my day?" Your smile wavers but she continues on. "Well it's happening right now." She laughs and you smile a little at how cheesy she was being. "Can't I look pretty and dress up for my totally awesome video date?"

"I'd be flattered if that were true …"

"It is-" She cuts across you.

"-but I'm sure you have plenty of other stuff that you have to do." You remark, a tiny flicker of something passes across her forehead.

"Well I guess, tonight is the only night I'm sorta free." She says, casting her eyes down as if she is reading a schedule. "So I'll probably try to go out, sneak off and do some mild touring and such, make the most of it y'know. The next few days are booked with meetings and such."

"So, you're going to head out pretty soon for a night out?" You ask.

"Maybe." She says, sighing as she glances around.

"Well, have fun!" You say forcing a lightness to your voice.

"I will, though I'll try not to have as much fun without you here."

"Yeah you better." You warn but you smile at the end.

She laughs and then smiles a little self consciously.

"So how about you how's your day been so far? You look good too by the way, normal I mean, you look like you normally do. I mean, you know as expected …" She closes her eyes at her attempts to explain. "... really pretty I mean."

You laugh.

"What was that, the girl who usually knows exactly how to smooth talk her way out of anything is actually rambling and stuttering?"

"Must be jet lag or something coming on. Perhaps a bug or whatever." She mumbles. It's such a pathetic excuse that the both of you share similar amused smiles, staunching your laughter as you continue to play along and go with what she was saying.

"There's a bug that causes your talented mouth to stop working. Let me guess it hasn't quite caught up to UK time yet?"

She smirks.

"So I've got a talented mouth eh? I'm happy you think so-"

"-The word I was looking for was not talented, though not saying that your mouth can't be ... it can-" You try not to blush but judging by Beca's smile you are failing. "-but eloquent is what I meant. Yes, eloquent, which I am totally not right now. Argh, you're contagious."

"My jet lag is contagious?" She sniggers.

"Yeah, I can feel in through the screen! Whatever it is you're on, what you're feeling." You easily breeze through your words.

"Uh huh! Whatever I'm feeling, you're feeling it too … like you caught it from me, it's being transferred, like there's something between the two of us, that's what you're saying?" Beca asks.

"Yeah?! What else does contagious mean? I think that's its very definition."

"Well good that you know that whatever I got, well I've got it bad. Hard to cure, I guess. Not that I have any intention of doing so."

"Why do I get the feeling like you're referring to something else entirely?" You ask, mock innocently.

"I thought you were the more perceptive one in this relationship?" Beca smirks. "Hmm, like I said, oh … wait a minute."

You hear a deep voice calling in the background.

"Beca." Her head turns towards the source.

"Phone!" She calls out.

"Beca!"

She closes her eyes, rolling them as she opens them back up.

"I'm busy!" She calls, hoping to deter whoever it was.

"I got us some snacks, some fish and chips and something green they called mushy peas." The voice keeps getting closer as the words tumble out.

"Aren't we going out to eat?" Beca calls over her shoulder.

"Yeah, we can still do that! You can never have too much food. And this Britishy stuff is so good!"

"Spoken like a true glutton." She calls out absentmindedly.

"C'mon, get off the damn phone! This was supposed to be a break from it all. Dude, we really have to get eating cos in five minutes we'll be going ... who is that anyway?"

"None of your business that's who." The person comes closer towards Beca and you can see their body, just not their face as they close in to get a better look at you.

"I gotta go. Call you same time tomorrow. Promise." She gets out quickly then mouths _'bye'_ and sends one last hasty smile before the screen goes blank.

What was that all about?

* * *

You are ready, waiting on the couch the same time the next day. You'd had a restless day which involved picking up and putting down several magazines, filing your nails and sewing a loose button back on your shirt. You even jumped at the chance to go to the grocery store for milk because it gave you something to do for twenty minutes.

Something had been niggling you at the back of your mind. That voice offscreen it seemed familiar but different somehow. You had a feeling it _was_ who you thought it was but for some reason you couldn't be entirely sure.

Five minutes passed the arranged time to call and still there was no sign of Beca.

Then ten minutes, then fifteen … even a hour later you keep glancing at your phone, you turned it off and on, looked to see that the ringing volume was all the way up, checked a dozen times that you had enough charge. You just sighed at yourself two hours later.

What were you doing? This was pathetic. You'd turned down another night out with the girls over a sodding video call … this was just plain sad. You were that girl sitting staring desperately at a phone that wouldn't ring.

Of course she wouldn't keep her word, what were you thinking? Like she was able to do so with Jesse, you saw how their relationship was before how it quickly diminished the time and the space apart strained their once strong bond.

You were freaking out again but could anyone blame you, could Beca blame you? All of this was so raw, and new and she had gone on and left you before you had had enough time together; for your thing to actually be considered a thing. What had you even done to guarantee anything? She said she wanted this with you, that she was committed but there was no labels and no name to it and she could do anything she wanted when she was far away and she wouldn't even need to feel guilty 'cos there was nothing and nobody holding her back. She had fallen out of love with Jesse; a guy she had been with and loved for quite a long time so was it paranoia that made you think that she could, _would_ wander this early into your relationship?

What was to stop Beca from doing to you what she did to Jesse? Especially when she was with him right now right at this very moment.

You allow yourself to accept this as truth to really think about it. You knew for sure now that it had been him with her during your last conversation; the one who asked to see who she was talking to. You hadn't been certain as he'd sounded so unlike himself, or the guy you had gotten used to being around, like there was no angry or deceitful or hateful bone in his body. He was amiable, entirely relaxed perhaps the way he was in private with Beca. He might as well have been another person entirely.

It always bothered you. It ate away a little at how easily they fell back into that whole best buddies dynamic, proof of their strong relationship, their history. Like no matter what happened he would be there; like she couldn't shake him off entirely. You don't really want to imagine a life with Jesse Swanson as a constant presence. You would keep having to deal with the uncomfortable Jesse induced feelings forever. You would keep feeling threatened, and not entirely sure of your place in her life. You would try again to coexist within the Becasphere amicably for her sake. Not that it would last. Beca  
couldn't have the both of you; she would have to choose eventually. But you're actually terrified she might choose their history over you.

You're about to jump off of the deep end and are fully prepared to drown in your own paranoia when suddenly there's someone calling you.

You quickly put the phone to your ear and hurriedly answer.

"You better have a damn good explanation for this. No, you know what, no, I don't even want to hear it. Save it for someone who gives a shi-" You say so vehemently; your voice riddled with a mix of both anxiety and annoyance.

"-I guess I should've texted first huh?" You almost jump in surprise when the voice that answers your vent isn't the one you're expecting

"Cee?" You ask incredulously.

"Hmm, I'm betting you were expecting somebody else." She laughs.

"Kind of, yeah." You say honestly.

"Thank God, I couldn't fathom what I'd done to receive that level of greeting." She laughs but you sense a touch of tension. You can't get seem to get anything right at the moment but the moment of anger leaves you.

"Right, yeah so my apologies on that." You graciously say.

"Well don't act like we didn't just reconnect just the other day. I said I'd call didn't I? You said I could."

"Uh yeah, you did, and you can." You answer in response.

"But if it's a bad time I can just call again some other time." She offers.

"Don't be silly Cee." You say honestly, and you do mean it.

"So stop talking to me so damn formally, or do I need to get all formal with you and ask your permission and such-" Coleen says and you aren't quite sure where she is going with this.

"-You're being ridiculous." You say, interrupting the silliness. You love Coleen, but you really aren't in the mood for this.

"Miss Beale, may I ask for some of your precious time to ask permission to call on you?"

"Well, there's nothing much I can do you've already managed to get me on the phone with you."

"Well I'll be damned, I really am that good." She laughs out.

You finally burst into laughter, Coleen following right after, the both of you laughing heartily at how pointless the conversation had been so far.

"So, I'm taking it that I am allowed to initiate a relatively sane conversation with you?"

"Sure, sure fire away, I really needed to get my mind off something." You say, pushing all thoughts of Beca to one side.

"Yeah, you do tend to get caught up in there. I'm sure whatever it is you're freaking out about, it's totally nothing."

"Yeah."

"Well anyway let's not talk about that. I'll just be lending my services as your temporary distraction."

"The best kind." You say.

"You know it, so I wanted to tell you about my week which seemed very uneventful compared to my best friend showing her face to me again ..." Coleen began, easily talking about her day and some of the patients she had seen and what she'd had for lunch, the conversation with her Mom and her elder brothers latest crazy stunt. She was the perfect distraction and helped relieve some of the stress, loosening you up and relaxing you.

After a while you glance at the clock and notice it's been almost an hour since she called and you have been talking non stop.

"Hey Cee, we've been talking for nearly an hour now."

"I didn't notice. So I guess we need to end the call?"

"Yeah probably." You say with no regrets.

"So, did it work?" Coleen asks.

"What do you mean?"

"Were you sufficiently distracted enough?" She puts out another question.

"Totes." You laugh out.

"Good, so my job here is done then."

"A job well done my friend."

"Catch you again some time Carrot. And don't be a stranger, okay? Bye." Coleen says as she ends the call. Those words echo in your head where had you heard that last. ' _Don't be a stranger.'_ Oh yeah. You had asked that of Beca but had it been a lot, _too much_ to ask of her, especially because she technically _was_ that ... a stranger. It seemed it the further away she was from you living her normal celebrity life that you still weren't all that familiar with and weren't expressly a part of, what place had you in it? What claim did you or anyone really have to someone like Beca. Now more than ever it felt like she was that truly this untetherable, unattainable force never truly belonging to anybody. Maybe Aubrey was right about Beca just not being made that way.

' _Bye.'_ You whisper long after Coleen'd left the line. As soon as you hang up, you reach to place your phone by your side but it immediately begins to ring.

This time it's _her_.

You watch the phone ring once, twice, her name flashing three times and the ridiculous photo you'd put on her contact sheet now flashing, taunting you … and you let the rings sing out while you're just staring at the screen and her smiling face. You feel guilty and yet you're almost feeling petty, childish, thinking 'let see _her_ wait this time.'

The phone stops ringing then starts up again a few seconds later then again and again each time it seems all the more pressing, the ringing sounding all the more like someone pleading or crying. For the nth time you have to physically stop yourself as you are now beyond itching to pick up the phone. You actually have to sit on your hand to stop yourself from doing so.

Then you hear the beeping of a message. You can speedily scan through it as you reason to yourself that it's not like that would be entirely giving in. You push your phone aside and pretend to ignore it, flicking through a magazine that was left on the sofa.

Several beeps later and you can't help it; you swipe your phone screen and, okay, there are 5 more messages; all from her.

Message 20.14: Beca – I guess you couldn't come to your phone or you just don't want to talk to me?

Message 20.16: Beca – Chloe, I tried to call! God, I'm such an idiot. I got held up with something but that's not the reason why I couldn't call. I wasn't able to charge my phone, forgot about the whole electrical outlet being different in Europe. I didn't have a universal adaptor. I called as soon as I could switch on the phone.

Message 20.19: Beca – I'm sure you're mad and that you're thinking that I could've tried calling you with another phone and I did call, technically. I kept dialing this number and then it turns out I had gotten the order wrong. I'd swapped the 8 and the 6 and I only realised this when I checked my phone just now so you can be mad at me for not having your number memorised but not for not being able to call ...

Message 20.21: Beca – Those were lame excuses I know. You don't want me to use the 's' word but I really am.

Message 20.22: Beca – Chlo … how can I make it up to you when you won't give me a chance?

Message 20.25: Beca – Just, please answer the phone. I miss talking to you.

What the hell where does she get off telling you what to do, then trying to soften it by saying cutsey little things like that?

You're way beyond pissed off! Mostly you're just annoyed because you were let down again. And it might seem like such a little thing to someone else, but she broke a promise. She said she'd call, and she didn't. And you get that things can go wrong; heck, that's life and yet you can't quite seem to accept that. You're left trying to understand just why you are feeling so hateful.

Maybe because Beca had told you that she had gone to London not to be with Jesse in that way, that it was purely professional and yet just last night they had hung out in a clearly very non-professional way. And then the next day, the entirety of today she hadn't made her presence felt. No little texts. Nothing. Leaving you with a gap to be filed with images from your overactive, paranoid brain. You didn't know what were you supposed to think or feel.

One thing was for sure, You didn't like this feeling; like you could lose so much when you weren't even sure just how much you were allowed to have in the first place.

The video chat tone rings out again and you decide to pick it up. You take a deep breath and you don't have to wait long till she's back to her usual apologetic tone.

"Chloe? Hey I-"

"-No I don't wanna hear it." You say tiredly.

"But-"

"-Please stop talking."

"What Chloe …?"

"We really have to work on you're not being able to follow simple instructions. We've done this before, Do you really not get the whole no talking part? It means you have to shut your trap so you can effectively listen! Is that concept really so hard to understand? Beca? Beca?"

There's silence on the other end and you roll your eyes, annoyed. Okay now she's actually listening and taking note on what you said; the smart aleck!

"Okay nod or give some confirmation that you've heard me and we've not lost sound." You say and pause while she nods. "Good so …"

"But I told you what happened!" Beca says, unable to keep quiet any longer.

"Yeah, I heard you!" You say, running your hands over your shirt, smoothing down the fabric.

"And?" Beca asks, reaching forward to pick up a bottle of water slightly out of view.

"You were right; those were very, very lame excuses." You start out lightly but you're reminded of how quickly Beca had signed out at hearing Jesse approach, hiding you like the dirty secret that you were, something to be embarrassed about like the secret stash of porn hidden from the spouse to get off with on the side.

The image, the thought is crazy and disturbing even and it's only succeeding in working you up all the more.

"I mean, is it too much for me to expect that you would hold up your end of the bargain? That you would keep your word? That you would actually work for this. On us. To try to make whatever we are work. If there even really is an 'us'?" You say unabashedly, quite unable to hold yourself back.

"I thought we had decided that already?" She asks, frowning in confusion. And it's that confusion that only serves to heightens your anger.

"No, we didn't decide anything! We never really hashed it all out, did we? You, you, you _ambushed_ me and took advantage of my just having woken up state and then you got hurt and I just felt compelled to help you. And then you, um, no, I was the idiot who just let you say what you had to say and just accepted it, took as it was. As if your words, your promises meant anything at all."

"Wow!" She says, gulping a few times. "That's how little you think of me?"

"It's what you've shown me so far. Just in case you've forgotten or are entirely unaware you are, well we're on probation and you just failed." You say, sadly.

"Failed? Because I couldn't call? Chloe? Are you actually being serious?" Beca asks incredulously. "Look, I left this very important meeting; I left secretly without anyone with me. It may not sound like much Chloe, but I'm not exactly exempt from having to be careful out there on my own, especially when I'm new in the country somewhere. I'm not the big headed "superstar" that Aubrey thinks I am but I do need to be on the lookout. I spent, God knows how long, looking for a damn charger without getting mobbed." Her tone changes from disbelief and anger to saddened desperation. "Chloe I know I've given you every reason not to trust me but that was before this, okay? Before I promised you this. And one more thing; yes I said it and I meant it then and I mean it now and no, okay, I made one mistake, one slip up and you're already condemning me and nailing me to the cross and giving me flak like I have done exactly as you'd expected me to do. It feels like, it feels like you'd set me, no, set us up for a loss-"

"-I said I'd give you a chance. You reiterate, unable to meet her eye, keen to ignore her latest speech and remain numb to her excuses. "And I've heard what you have to say. I'm not just sure I believe you."

"I'm here alright!" Beca's voice rises a couple of octaves. "I'm calling you aren't I?" She says much softer, almost pleading.

"If you can't keep your word, I can't do …" You sigh heavily, so overcome with it all. "... if you wanted to go back with Jesse, I'm just saying here's the chance if you want it. It's a clean break so you can go, no harm no foul … okay?"

"Why are you saying all of this!?" She asks dejectedly, her face wild and her frustration apparent. "I don't want to get back with Jesse. What did I do that made you think that?"

"Oh so you've told him, have you?" You voice your apprehensions. "He knows about this?" _This_ you opted to say not _us_ as to not give Beca permission to think she was out of the doghouse just yet.

You weren't sure just yet either it all depended on her next sentence. She seems to know this too. She closes her eyes when she answers.

"I don't want to hurt him." She all but whispers, "He doesn't deserve any of this."

' _What about me?' Y_ ou think. You don't deserve to feel like you have no way of knowing where you stood with her, to feel this strong surge of jealousy at hearing how much she still cared for him, for the injustice you felt like how come he deserved her concern, when you were the one who she had been hurting all this time. He had been horrible to her and and she was, in turn, hurting you. It was a stupid triangle, a circle of hurt and what was it all for? What was any of this for?

You suddenly feel like you need to get off of the video call as fast as you can. You feel absolutely sick to your stomach and if possible, even more doubtful than ever before. You realize you had missed most of what Beca had been saying as she throws her hands up in the air.

" … and urgh, don't you think that I'd rather be with you right now, than being stuck here. I'd fly over there if I could-"

You can't bear it anymore.

"-You're all words." You say before hanging up.

You fight the urge to call out to Ben and Jerry. You need to be strong and not give in but it's proving difficult it truly feels as though you've been given a virtual slap to the face. You can almost feel the sting.

Tears prickle behind your eyelids.

You want your Mom. She always makes things better. But you know if you called her up in the state you are in at the moment, she'd worry unnecessarily and probably send your Dad across to check up on you and you really don't want that kind of fuss at the moment. Having anyone from the family, except perhaps Janet around would only reinforce the feeling and make you feel even more inexperienced at life and remind you of how young you really were.

So you call on Aubrey a few hours later; the one person who you know will call you out on your whinge, will always offer advice even if it is unwelcome but most of all, knows what's going on.

You are almost done with your funk but the longer you spent on your own, the worse you felt and you really needed this knock to the head.

You call her at work and all it takes is for her to say hello as she plugs in her ear buds and the floodgates open. She listens to you try to withhold your tears, trying desperately not to cry for a few minutes as the words tumble out through your tightened throat and you try to make her understand what the problem is. Her face is kind and you are reminded for the hundredth time why she is your best friend. She waits for you to unload everything before she speaks.

"Chloe, no seriously, think about it long and hard. If this is what you really want, if Beca's really worth it, then you are going to have to fix this. You know me, a long long time ago I had wanted for you to fix things between the two of you, but I had to play Devils Advocate. I've tried to be the supportive, understanding best friend willing to see what you saw in her and I liked her, I did. But Chloe, all that she put you through, she'll never see what I saw, just the other night when you had broken down and destroyed everything within your reach as well. She didn't see it, the extent of the damage that she caused you physically and emotionally and you just gave in, so, so, so easily. I'm just wondering what she must've said for you to just forgive her, to just 'get together'?" Aubrey rationales everything in a few sentences.

"I haven't forgiven her." You begin to explain. "That's what this whole ordeal has proven; you're right. Even Beca knows it, especially now. She knows I haven't fully let it go. She hurt me, pretty bad and it's worse than anyone has ever hurt me before because of what she means to me. And possibly because what I thought I meant to her. I was so angry and hurt and I was so tired of feeling like total shit, because of all her games, all the to'ing and fro'ing and then she was there with all the right answers, with a temporary answer and distracting from the real problem. I don't think she meant it to be like that but I gave in, because I wanted things to be okay again."

Aubrey tilts her head to the side and thinks for a moment before she takes her eyes off the screen and eyeballs the door. She looks back at you and nods for you to continue.

"I know that it'll never be, well, not completely sorted … not for a while because what she did will forever hover like this dark angry cloud over whatever we are. But, with everything, from what she said … it's not, it's just weird as, right then when she was reacting and getting all defensive on the phone, I just realized that I believe her, that I believe in what she was saying and I don't know after everything why I do? But _I do_ and I just told her I didn't. I knew it wasn't her fault and the fight stemmed from my insecurity, and confusion but I should've just y'know not jumped to conclusions. I blatantly said that I can never trust her again before I hung up the phone. And I should feel vindicated and satisfied but I'm not. I just feel horrible. I'm totally fucked aren't I?"

You look hopefully into your phone, hoping for Aubrey to say the right thing to make you feel better. She looks strained and you wonder if you have said too much. Aubrey had been in a couple of relationships, although nothing too serious so you wonder why you are turning to her for advice with this.

"Wait for me, okay. Stick a pin in this conversation. I'll, uh, leave work early and when I get home we'll break open the Ben and Jerry's together." She says after a lengthy pause. She knows you so well. "We can split it so you don't seem so sad and depressed."

You realize that it's not the actual relationship advice you need, it's in her two specialties that you can count on either her telling you to pull your head out of your ass or offering _usually_ the best solution. Plus she was good at seeing both sides of the argument.

It's also in Aubrey's way of knowing that words wouldn't be of much help to you. You know she was a loss for them as much as yourself and you know nothing would help more than just needing some company; someone to be there.

She's home in the mid afternoon, and find you slumped, face down, on your bed covered in throw pillows and more magazines than you should really have in your bed with you. You'd spent a couple of hours doodling all over the faces of the fashion models, giving most of the women moustaches and drawing stupidly large eyebrows on all of the men. You'd even drawn on one of the magazine covers with Beca on it and yet somehow it wasn't at all satisfying, she totally rocked the horns and the tail you'd given her, if anything, it made her look even more appealing looking like some sexy devil. You'd moved on to just reading the articles several times before dropping the colorful pages to the floor.

"What are you doing in here?" Aubrey slaps you playfully on the backside before she takes a seat next to you, scooting over a couple of stuffed animals.

You mumble something into your pillows before flipping over and looking at her. She looks like she has had a bad day as well and you instantly feel guilty.

"Bad day?" You ask, and you notice her flinch slightly, a sure sign she was not okay.

"Nothing that a overly indulgent, movie filled afternoon and evening with my best friend won't fix." She smiles, looking brighter in an instant. "Come on, choose us a couple of comedies of the non-romcom variety from the stash and I'll get changed into sweats and fix us some drinks and snacks."

You leave your morbid despair pit of a bed and rifle through a couple of stacks of DVD's littering the corners of your closet. You wince slightly at the plastic bags that have been tucked just inside, knowing that what was in there was your obsession with Beca.

You select a couple of DVD's; Trophic Thunder, Shaun of the Dead, Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy,The 40 Year Old Virgin and head to the lounge. Aubrey is already settled on the couch and as you hold up the DVD's for her to choose one, she holds up two spoons, signaling she was armed with Ben and Jerry's and she wasn't afraid to show it. You sort out the DVD and join her on the oversize sofa.

You spend the next hour alternating between stuffing your mouth, laughing your head off and talking your heart out about Beca, snarking about all the things she hasn't done to fawning over everything she ever said to you that was nice. Aubrey listens as you get into it, the movie forgotten as you both dig your spoons into the creamy goodness, wrestling to see who would get the last chunk of cookie dough. You let her win, because, despite everything, you are just _that_ kind of person.

* * *

It's getting late by the time the fourth movie starts and you don't blame Aubrey for nodding off into the cushions, spoon dangling from her mouth, her usual composure shot to pieces as she slips into an ice cream coma. You're tempted to take a picture which after a couple minutes of considering you decide to do. The girl had too much of your own material that she could use to blackmail you with.

You pull your phone off the arm of the sofa, and take a couple of pictures, laughing silently to yourself the entire time- you'd even taken a selfie with her unconscious self. Afterwards, you find yourself checking for the twentieth time for any missed calls or unread texts. There aren't any and this suddenly makes you feel very, very sad. Maybe it's the crash from the sugar high, maybe it's the soppy movie you just watched; Marley and Me (it was supposed to be a comedy time but you couldn't help slipping this favorite in) does that to you every time and you don't know why you allow yourself to watch it if you are being honest or maybe you are really just missing Beca.

Without really thinking about it, you're calling her number. Seeing her picture pop up on the screen jolts you back to the moment and you clear the call just before it connects. You can't decide whether you want to talk to her or not. You decide to let your third pint of Ben and Jerry decide. You rationalise that if the third pint that Aubrey bought in the freezer is Peanut Butter Fudge, you'll take the battery out of your phone and hide it somewhere (you giggle a bit at the thought of hiding it down Aubrey's cleavage) and if it's Chocolate Therapy, you'll call Beca.

It's Chocolate Fudge Brownie.

You reckon this is close enough so as you settle back on the sofa and peel the lid off, you pick up your phone and call her number again. You slot the spoon in your mouth as the call connects and you hear it ring once, twice and then it's answered. Aca-Gods, you hadn't _actually_ banked on the call going through. You fumble for a moment, almost dropping your phone in your haste to clear the call.

"Hello?" You hear her speak, in that warm velvety voice that just screams _'I'm half asleep'_.

You press the cancel button half a dozen times, even when the screen has gone black signaling the disconnection. You can't believe how fast your heart is beating and yet you were the one to dial the number. You stand up and pace the floor for a moment, quietly talking to yourself so as not to wake a sleeping Aubrey. You head back to the kitchen and open the freezer section and bury your head inside for a moment or two, resting it on a bag of unsealed frozen peas. You pull your head back out and retwist the frozen vegetable bag, knocking a couple of peas off your forehead.

That cold moment helped align your brain back to thinking rationally and you decide, now that you have woken Beca up, you might as well call again and have a heart to heart with her. You take a large glass of water back to the sofa, trying to calm yourself down.

What seems like a perfectly good idea at the time; that is settling yourself next to Aubrey on the sofa, taking a couple of decent size gulps of water and calling Beca's number, soon turns out to be the worst idea you have ever had when the call connects and the person on the other end speaks.

"Hello!"

It wasn't who you were expecting.

It was _him_.

You are thrown. Why is he there, in Beca's room? Are they sharing a room? What was his game? How did he get her phone? Who did he think he was? When did he turn up there? You were so busy with all the unspoken questions running through your head that you don't speak.

"Hello?" Jesse asks, the slightest tinge of annoyance lacing his voice.

You open your mouth to speak but you now don't know what to say.

"Hello? Can I help you?"

' _You can go and hide under a rock.'_ You think, grateful that you have enough filter to keep your mouth shut.

"Who is this?" Jesse asks, now clearly sounding pretty annoyed. "Can you hear me?"

' _Oh I can hear you all right mister.'_ You think. _'I want to know what you are doing in-'_

"My fiancee is unavailable at the moment, can I take a message caller?"

' _Will a throat punch work as a message for you, you sack of sh-'_ You want to shout out.

"OK, I'm guessing this is you Chloe, calling for some God knows stupid reason at 4 o'clock in morning." Jesse barks out. "Beca is fast asleep next to me right now, she's tired and your pathetic reasons for calling are not welcome."

You sit, stock still on the sofa, as it all clicks into place. tears prick at your eyes as you realize they were sharing a bed. They were together. In a bed. And they had probably just had-

"-We are in my room so don't think about calling her hotel room number. She doesn't want to talk to you. We are trying to sleep and spend some time together as couples do. I suggest you-" Jesse is still talking as you move the phone from your ear and drop it as if you had been burnt. It hits the floor and bounces a couple of times, sending a crack through the screen immediately. You can still hear Jesse talking and you catch the end of his sentence as you reach to pick up your broken phone. "-Do you understand that you sad _little_ girl. What will it take for me to be finally rid of you-"

You can't bear to hear anymore so you throw your phone away from you as hard as you can. You don't even wince as it hits the wall opposite, breaking into at least a dozen pieces, bits of plastic flying all over. Despite the fact that you just smashed your phone to smithereens, you feel somewhat triumphant that you ended the call so spectacularly and hope that Jesse heard the smash before the call ended.

Despite feeling sick to your stomach, you scoff the rest of the ice cream, mechanically dipping your spoon in and feeding your addiction, the cold a soothing balm to the heat in your throat and behind your eyes. You wish the pain in your heart would go away. You don't even care that the melted ice cream is running down in streaks down your chin. You're past caring about a lot of things now.

You pass out at around 3am.

* * *

"You have practice today?" Aubrey asks the following morning. You awaken groggy at around 10am, tired and a tiny bit sticky; the remnants of the ice cream coating your chin. You don't want to admit to Aubrey that you passed out after finishing your third pint, in a sweetened dairy induced fog. You try to comb out the mess of tangles you call hair and are surprised and also mildly fascinated when you find a couple of peas still in there.

"To the studios first. Ah, I have a session with Doctor Gail at 10.30. Oh yeah." You glance once again at the clock. "Shit, I'm going to be late. She hates late and she'll get all weird on me, well weirder than usual if I'm not on time." You hurriedly jump into action; you tie up your hair, thinking you won't be getting to shower. "But then the rest of my night is free, I guess."

"Please get properly cleaned up and then go." She insists, eyeing your hair, and the whole mess that was you with mild distaste and you're imagining she never felt as sorry for you as she did now. She was the picture of being well put together as always. She was already up and ready, perfectly groomed no trace whatsoever of the night before. _Lucky you had taken pictures_ you smile inwardly to yourself.

"-Not enough time Bree."

"Speedy shower, just five minutes and here, I'll get your stuff ready."

You get into the shower and quickly, almost mechanically get to showering. At the back of your mind you're remembering the weird significance bathrooms held in yours and Beca's friendship.

You're just rinsing the last few suds off when Aubrey comes storming in and you get a flashback of another person doing that who had unwantedly been exposed to your breasts. You certainly hadn't been ready for Beca to see you like that then and the way you are feeling right now, would you be ready any time soon? Had she _really_ gone back to Jesse already?

When you look you see the returned bathroom toiletries; the ones that had been pushed to the floor to make room for a bleeding guest had been neatly rearranged just as they had been; yours on one side and Aubrey's on the other. You were grateful for her for cleaning up.

"You done okay?" She scarcely waits for your confirmation before she's pulling back the curtain and all but throws your towel at you, then she's kicking you out "Get out of there!"

You grab the towel quickly, wrapping it around yourself, almost scared for your safety.

"Pull that dress on over there or you're not going to make it move, move, move." Aubrey's voice jolts you out of your reminiscing and you get ready in the shortest time you ever have. You tie your hair in a knot and pin it quickly, noting how easy it was to sort out when usually it takes a while to tame your curls.

"I'm not even going to ask what happened to your phone." She's talking as you finish getting ready, slipping your feet into a pair of flip flops. You notice that she's picked the pieces up and laid them out on the kitchen worktop. "It's completely broken by the way."

"I'm-"

"-Explanations unnecessary. I might have got a spare one at the office you can borrow." She says as she slots your purse on your arm. "See you later."

You head to the door only a minute later than planned, picking up Beca's car key's on the way and running down the steps. As you pull away from the kerb, you feel quite a thrill at driving Beca's car but at the same time, feel a pang of regret that this will probably be the last time you drive it. You pause at the junction and one of your neighbors pulls up behind you. It's not a van you recognize from the street but as they had just pulled away from the kerb, it must have been. You decide, as you drive to the studios, to park a couple of streets away so not to draw attention to you having Beca's car. You glance in the rear view mirror a few times and see the van a few cars behind you. You wonder, because you clearly have nothing else to worry about at the time, where they are going.

* * *

You make your appointment with Doctor Gail with moments to spare. If she noticed your rushed demeanor, she didn't mention it just shrugged it away and got down to business. You find this behavior much more unsettling. She's a little _too_ tame, if that made any sense, much more withheld during the entire session.

You sit through the appointment with a tonic and some stern instructions to take better care of yourself, to rest your voice as much as possible and not be so emotional. You want to laugh at the last part. The emotional roller coaster you'd been on probably wasn't helping with your healing.

Just as you are about to leave, Doctor Gail remembers to ask you about this colorful folder that you'd noticed that had been sitting on the edge of her desk.

"Hey Chloe, um, is this your folder? We found it here in the practice room just the other day?" Doctor Gail asks.

"I don't have a folder." You begin to explain, knowing full well you always use your phone for any appointments, notes or memo's you needed to take.

"Well, if you look inside it has your name on the side of it, or so one of the interns told me."

She hands you a very familiar looking folder. You'd seen this somewhere before but can't quite place where. Was it Aubrey's? No, wait a minute … you know who this belongs to! You open the folder and it's right there; it's got _her_ all over it. The decorative stickers of bumblebees, ladybugs, lilies, musical notes and her doodles.

"This is Beca's." You explain. "And my name's here because of the list of songs we planned way back when … it's for the show." You remember her jotting it down in a pad that she kept in the folder.

"Oh, I don't know why I didn't think of that." She says and you both just shrug away that thought. You try to hand it back to her but she waves it away, as she refuses to take it back. "Keep it. I'm sure you'll be seeing her before I do."

"Um, she won't be back for at least a couple of days. She'll be scraping it close to be back by Monday I think, when rehearsals start up again so I guess we'll be seeing her roughly about the same time."

Doctor Gail's face wavers momentarily, an odd look flitters across it before she's laughing almost hysterically. You really do find her quite odd. Although you can't help feeling some sort of relief as she seems more herself now.

"Correct again! I'm rather absentminded today, forgive me. I don't think my morning pills haven't _quite_ kicked in" She laughs. "… and perhaps I do need a pick me up."

Doctor Gail leaves you all alone with the folder as she steps out in the hall to ask the receptionist to send out for coffee. That wasn't exactly the best thing for you as you have a bit of a battle raging within you. You're tempted to look through it to find what it may contain but you also know what's in there is private; much like most of what Beca's life is about. Privacy.

You have a staring contest with the folder; sometimes convincing yourself that it was enough just to peek at the first page. That wasn't really betraying a confidence. At the same time, you were hoping that just by staring at the cover, you could actually know what was in there without actually opening it. You put up quite a honorable fight, even popping the folder back onto Doctor Gail desk and hiding it under a tape dispenser and a stapler and a couple of other folders.

You feel like you're doing quite well and everything's going without a hitch, until a few seconds later when in one of many attempts in your haste to arrange the folder so it didn't look like you had touched it, you hear approaching footsteps you accidentally knock everything off. There's a crashing noise and you freeze before immediately bending down to pick up all the items: the dispenser and the stapler and neatly place everything back. You move quickly but it seems not quickly enough when the footsteps seem to speed up and you're still reaching for the tape that had rolled under one of the other desks just out of reach.

You give up and stare at the door, awaiting Doctor Gail's entrance and her finding you down on the ground with your butt sticking up in the air but the footsteps move past the door and continue down the hallway. You breathe a sigh of relief and rest your back against the table. You finally manage to pry that stupid roll of tape from the back of the desk.

And you settle down to rearrange the stuff back on her desk but wait where's Beca's folder… you find it still on the desk, looking almost untouched and that's when you finally can't take it anymore and give in.

You open the folder and there's a couple of notes; but you are surprised to see one tucked in the back and it's in your handwriting. It was the sorry note you had written her all those weeks ago and you aren't sure if you are surprised she'd kept it this long. Further behind that, almost perfectly concealed there is a piece of paper folded in half, you unfold it to reveal a list with your name on it.

You get the impression, judging by what is written on the carefully folded piece of paper, that this was never meant for anyone, most especially you to see. In an uncharacteristic fashion, she has written down some pretty nice things and even decorated the page with hastily drawn hearts and flowers.

_Chloe Beale_

_Pretty perky redhead w/ the gorgeous light blue eyes_

_Member of Barden Bellas, SPED_

_**Likes** _

_Acapella_

_Boybands; specifically One Direction (need to work on this)_

_Bug tattoos (woot woot)_

_Dogs; she has several favorite dog movies_

_Jane Austen novels; favorite being Pride and Prejudice_

_Favorite kid's book; Anne of Green Gables: fellow spitfire redhead?_

_Star Wars IV-VI; shared with her Pawpa_

_Cheesy Rom Coms; specifically A Walk To Remember, She's All That_

_Rapping/making up songs in the shower_

_Sweets; real sweet tooth, loves the sour gummy variety, ice cream (Ben and Jerry's) and donuts_

The list continued and you were quite surprised to see how accurate she was in her observations. Everything was pretty spot on. She had moved past your likes and dislikes and had also made some notes on the general stuff as well. The list was extensive and moving past your likes Beca had added little descriptions as well.

_Excessive displays of affection_

_Prone to cuddling bouts during especially cold weather (wait - just whenever)_

_Warm and caring - she draws people to her without trying_

_Breath of fresh air - beautiful and very talented but doesn't act like it and certainly doesn't feel the need to flaunt it or rub it in in other people's faces_

_Most random person ever - a conversation with her is never truly straight going_

_Good listener, and can be trusted with secrets she really listens not just pretends to until it's her turn to speak again_

_She's self possessed and graceful but she also a bit of a klutz - gets into the funniest, weirdest scrapes sometimes I'm lucky enough to get to experience them with her_

_Brings me out of my head - been a while_

_Makes me laugh without trying - just makes me happier in general_

_Patient, kind, selfless puts other people's needs above her own, fiercely protective of others_

_Quiet inner strength - can stand up for herself and defend others, but she doesn't have one mean bone in her body, she only bites back when she truly has to and never for just herself_

There was a note at the bottom, which had been circled quite vigorously by the wrinkles in the paper. Your eyes linger on this word for a while.

_Likes - ME?_

As a side note, you see she had set up a list on the other side of the page with her name at the top. Beca Mitchell likes only had one thing.

_Chloe Beale_

She'd even drawn a heart next to your name.

You hear Doctor Gail's shrill voice echoing down the hallway and hurriedly shuffle the pages back into the folder, slipping it onto the highly polished desk once again. You rearrange your features and school your expression as she enters the room. She hands you a few pieces of paper with pre printed healthcare instructions on it and hands you a bottle of foggy blue liquid, claiming it's her own brand of mouthwash.

You decide to throw that particular item into the bin at your earliest opportunity.

You head back to the car, having got a few hours to kill before the practice session in the early afternoon and you see something on the windscreen that you know hadn't been there when you parked up. At first you thought it was a parking ticket and you check the signs on the street as you approach but nothing suggests you had parked up where you shouldn't. You are quite surprised to see a colorful pressed flower tucked under the right hand windshield wiper. You look at the rest of the cars on the street but none of them seem to have been decorated with flowers. You note straight away that it's one of your favorite flowers; a lily. You pluck it carefully from under the wiper blade and instinctively sniff the petals. It still smells fairly fresh and as it's pretty you decide to keep it.

* * *

The drive home is uneventful except that you decide to stop in the usual place for coffee and a donut (noting with a twist to your mouth that Beca was right about your donut obsession) and wait in line to be served. You approach the register as the customer in front turns to leave and you have a sneaky suspicion you know him from somewhere and judging by the quick sidelong glance he gives you, it would appear he knows you as well. As you aren't far from the studios, you assume that he could be one of the security detail. He certainly fit the bill; tall, broad shoulders, buzz haircut, a well tailored suit and large sunglasses.

Before you get to speak and place your order, a large coffee and a donut bag is placed on the counter in front of you. You take a step aside, thinking it is for someone behind you who was waiting for their order to be filled.

"This is for you ma'am." The quiet voice of the girl manning the cash register carries just over the noise of the coffee shop.

"Oh!" You say, quite surprised and a teeny bit embarrassed that your order is so well known that you don't even have to place it verbally to be served. You make your mind up to vary your coffee houses and certainly your choices from now on.

"Have a nice day." The cashier says and looks over your shoulder to the person behind, nodding slightly.

"Wait, I haven't paid." You say, your hand already in your purse, searching for your wallet.

"It's all taken care of ma'am." The cashier says and upon seeing your confusion, smiles broadly. "The bill has been settled."

"Well, um, thanks." You say and hurriedly scoop up your coffee and paper bag. You're not quite sure what happened there but you'll take the goodwill gesture and pay it forward later.

You pull up outside your apartment and kill the engine. Gathering up your coffee, donut and lily, you step out of the car. You take in your surroundings with surprise what had promised to be a glorious day when you had left home earlier had now petered out to dark and stormy clouds, giving a slightly ominous feeling, the wind, the leaves are whipping around your legs a little as you walked back towards your front door. You remembered you needed to lock the car but as you turned around, about half back up the path, you swear you heard a snapping of something, perhaps some twigs behind the bushes to your left. You really could be imagining things but you could've sworn there had been something or was it someone standing there prior to that, the figure had moved lightning fast into the bushes.

You can feel a shudder, a wave of foreboding pass through your entire body, you hair stands on one end. You try to shake it off, trying to rid yourself of the heebie jeebies. It was nothing. You convince yourself into thinking that surely it must be the effects of the sugar crash from yesterday's over indulgence, you shake your head to clear your mind, reason to yourself that it was probably just a local cat (though it would've been really big to make that much noise) and double lock the car before hurriedly ascending the steps to your front door.

You are about to put the key in the lock when something on the doormat distracts you and you bend down to pick up this black corded band that you easily identify but it was so out of place. How'd this get here? You pick it up carefully between your forefinger and your thumb and stand looking at it for a while. You really hadn't noticed it when you had left that morning and you are pretty sure Aubrey, with her eagle eyes, would have seen it and picked it up.

You feel as confused as anything, you can't help feeling like all of it; this bracelet, the donuts, the flower they were all pieces of some puzzle that you hadn't yet figured out. You were left there squinting at them wondering what exactly was the picture the pieces were forming, and it lay there, niggling at you. You keep coming up with blanks like there was something just out of reach of your understanding, knitting your eyebrows so tightly together, you have almost given yourself a headache.

You are still looking at the bracelet as you enter the apartment and are so distracted by it, you don't notice the flyer that had been pushed under the door at first. You lay Beca's car keys back in the dish by the door and place the bracelet on the small table.

As you close the door, you catch a glimpse outside of a man, dressed in a casual attire, walking towards a car on the other side of the street. You wouldn't have noticed him if not for the stupidly brisk way he was walking, almost like he was being chased down by some invisible force. You don't think too much of it, you just add it to the off, unsettling mood of the day. You are actually sort of surprised that it's only the third of fourth weird thing to happen to you that day. But you do feel much safer after having double locked the door and slotted the chain across, y'know just in case.

You finally reach down and pick the flyer up from the floor. It's for the local dogs home and they are having an open day to raise some much needed funds. You do love dogs, especially puppies and you wonder if you have time to swing by on your way back to the studios later. You just might. You know you should totally make up time for something light, and cute and fluffy; you felt like the day really needed an added dose of that.

You decide to crash for a bit to recuperate.

You nap for an hour or so (but what feels like only a couple of minutes) on the sofa until just after noon, when you're waking up with a start as you hear a loud knocking on the front door. You pad your way to the door, peeking through the spy hole to see who it is. A uniformed delivery guy is standing on the doorstep, ear buds in, moshing to himself as he waits for your to answer the door. You hesitate for a moment still feeling apprehensive but you roll your eyes and push the feeling away.

He holds out a package as you pull the door open and smiles, pausing his gum chewing for a moment, as he calls out a sunny 'good afternoon'.

"Uh yes? Can I help you with anything?"

"I have a delivery-"

"-I wasn't expecting anything to be delivered." You state your misgivings.

"Are you Miss Chloe Beale?" You nod. "Well this package here has your name on it so I'll need your signature and I'll be out of your … uh hair." You see him glance up at your hair and your hand reaches up surreptitiously trying to smoothen it wondering just how bad it was.

You couldn't say your curiosity wasn't piqued. So you sign for it and after a hurried 'thanks' to the deliveryman, you rip into the box with gusto.

You close your eyes and issue a silent, fervent thank you to Aubrey (she was the only person who knew your phone was beyond repair) as you find yourself looking at a brand new phone inside, the exact same one as you had before, right down to the bespoke cover as you hurry to the kitchen to retrieve your sim card and micro memory card. You feel like you have your arm back as you kick start the phone back into life and are pleased to see all your data has not been lost. You thank your lucky stars for Aubrey.

But you are surprised she sent you a brand new phone when all she said was she was going to see if she had an old, spare one in the office.

Realising you still have a couple of hours left before rehearsal starts, you decide to head out to the open day at the local dogs home. You gather up a handful of quarters and change from the jar by your bedroom door and are about to leave your room when you notice something leaning against your closet door that hadn't been there earlier.

The highly rare Broadway poster of Beca's that you had spent a fortune on and lovingly kept for so many years yet crumpled up into a tight ball when you had your breakdown the night before earlier was now crease free and tightly secured in a frame and back in your bedroom.

' _How many pints of ice cream did I have that I don't remember getting this sorted?'_ You think to yourself as you cross the room. It _is_ your copy, it definitely is as there is still a tiny white mark on the edge of the top side, presumably from where it had been hung up originally.

You are starting to feel a little freaked out. Oh God. You back away slowly quietly. Who … who did this. Was this still Aubrey? No … the whole thing screamed somebody else, who was it and how did that person get inside the house? Your heart thuds, your mind races … whoever it was could still be in the house but the house is silent. And if honest, it wasn't that big a place; you could stand in one corner and take the whole entire space in. Had that been there when you came in? Surely you would've noticed and your heart speeds up, thuds all the more harder or did this happen while you were sleeping?

' _No, it must have been Aubrey.'_ The sane part of you reasons. You've just been watching too many crimes shows to think clearly.

You think back to the conversation you'd had with her that morning when she said she was going to fix some things. You are quite impressed she'd done something already and wonder if she had one of her lackey staff members sort this out. She must have popped home hoping to surprise you but you had missed as you stopped for coffee and donuts on the way home.

Yes, that must have been it.

Because if not, it meant someone else had been in the house, quite possibly while you were sleeping. And that was a thought you didn't want to have. So you decided to stick to the most rational reason. Because this day was seriously weird enough already.

But the nagging doubt means you can't be alone there anymore. You have to get out and fast. You rush out grabbing a couple of essentials on your way out, jamming them into your purse and hurry down the path, turning right at the end. You're a couple of blocks away from home when you decide to go ahead and walk the mile or so to the dogs home, intending to catch the bus from there to the downtown area and the studios later. At the back of your mind, you come up with the schedule for later you are pretty sure that one of the girls would give you a lift home later and if not, you could call Aubrey.

You're feeling cold. You've still got goosebumps and the weather isn't helping you any. You are glad that you somehow still had the presence of mind to grab a cardigan before you left the house.

But it's not just the wind that was making you slightly uneasy, feeling mussed up, frazzled like you can't quite pull yourself together, unable to compose yourself. To heighten things there was a not-quite-silly, non implausible notion that someone could be following you. It wasn't just your paranoia. You could swear you could hear footsteps or just sense someone behind you but every time you turned around the street was always empty.

You wrap your cardigan around your shoulders as you speed up grateful now that you're approaching the medium size, popular, family run dogs charity. You only feel relief when you get through the doors. You watch outside the window whatever figure had been hot on your trail has now blended away into the now darkened, rainy street outside.

They couldn't follow you in here without you seeing them and even if they could, they wouldn't be able to slink into the shadows, they couldn't be threatening here where everything was bright and warm and cosy.

It had been ages since you had last visited. In the past you had loved to come over just to sniff the puppies just because you could and you had become quite friendly with the owners.

You were still surprised though that they recognized you after all the months of you not coming around and were delighted when they offered to show you around and let you see all the improvements that had been made.

You approached one of the pens that held the puppies and for the _nth_ time in your life, you wished that you had the means to have a dog. You knew one day, that you would have a home with pets but this only caused the fire in your belly to burn that bit more.

The owner, Tom, was guiding you through the Puppy Palace when you suddenly froze as you came face to face with the most adorable golden, gingery haired puppy you had ever seen. She bounded up to you as you sank to your knees, sounding out the most pathetic little barks you had ever heard as she tried to bite your hands.

"Looks like that one likes you!" Tom says and you smile.

"She's adorable!" You say as the puppy rolls over onto her back for you to tickle her tummy. "What's her name?"

"Funny you should ask that!" Tom chuckled. "She's called Chloe at the moment! Just like you."

"Oh really!" You squeak out, as you bury your face into the soft curls of the puppy's fur. "We share the same name, little one!"

"She's lucky, this one. She's been sponsored."

"Oh." You say and aren't really sure why you are disappointed.

"Yes, someone called DJ Bulletproof called in recently I think. I'd have to check with the wife. Said to reserve the dog. Very generous donation actually. Enough to keep us going for the rest of the year."

"That's awesome." You squeak out, a sliver of _something_ running through you. That had to be Beca. Who else could it be?

You suddenly feel like you need to leave and you thank Tom for his time. You stroke the ears of the puppy before you leave and she nips at your ankles as you close the gate behind you. You drop all of your change in the bucket as you leave the property and pull your phone out of your back to call a cab to take you to the studios.

You are about to dial the number when you look up and see a couple of cabs parked up on the street; their 'For Hire' signs lit. You feel quite lucky as the sense of foreboding still hasn't left you and wander over to the first cab.

"The Voice Studios." You say, instead of the actual address but the driver seems to understand.

"Sure thing miss." The cab driver says as he turns over the engine. You settle into the back of the cab as the radio springs to life and roll your eyes as it's playing one of Beca's latest mixes, the one that has promised to the song of the summer.

' _Oh the irony!'_ You think to yourself, as the next song on is one that she produced as well. You realize by the time the third track kicks in that you have got into the cab as the Beca Mitchell hour seems to have started. You close your eyes and lean back into the seat, trying to block out her voice that still travels like an invisible thread through your very core.

* * *

You arrive at the studios and pay the driver who wishes you a pleasant day. You head in to the studios, via security, who all seem to be intent on talking to you and delaying you being on time. You don't have it in you to be rude but after the weird day you have been having, you just want to sink into your bed at home, laid out on your covers with a cold, damp cloth on your forehead but realize with a beat that even that haven was somewhere you now felt you couldn't retire to. You feel a pang in your chest, and you laugh a little sadly as you remember sticking your head in the freezer compartment the night before, covering yourself in peas.

You slip into the practice room that displays your name on the outside, nearly 15 minutes late. You know the rest of the girls will be busy so you pick up the sheet with the days songs on, noticing immediately you have been given Titanium to sing as part of your vocal warm ups.

You shake your head and try not to roll your eyes.

You are about to leave the room to get some water when you notice the mixed dozen Krispy Kreme donut box sitting on the table, covered in a bright red bow. You move fast for donuts, you guess everyone knew about that particular guilty pleasure huh. But who was complaining?! That's right, not you! You munch happily on the cookies and cream one. Oh you definitely needed that. You're wondering which one of your friends decided to surprise you. You quickly swoop up the printed note.

_To C, something sweet for someone sweet._

It's not signed but you wonder if it's from Coleen. It probably was, She'd known you were having a bad day by the snark you unleashed on her just a few hours ago.

The girls are nowhere to be found. You'd only just missed Cynthia Rose and Stacie's rehearsal time and when you called to find where they were their phones couldn't be reached. You're wondering what that was about.

Anna was AWOL too. She had left you to your own devices for once. Seems a surprising thing for her to do but nothing seemed too unordinary today; everything seemed misplaced and a bit weird.

You wondered if you were having a dream like the night before and you pinch yourself, rather painfully, just to make sure.

You are actually glad that it's a short practice today and you are out just before 3.30. You don't have anywhere to go so you're just hanging around some busy shops along the nearest mall. You can't head home because you still can't shake the uneasiness and more so than before, you don't want to be alone.

You're heading down the more secluded parts to check out the not as crowded thrift shop to see if there was anything cool you could pick up. You take a shortcut down a narrow space and it's eerie how different the aura of the place was, almost abandoned looking though it was only a couple of footsteps away from the busy part of the building. You hear movement, the shuffling of heavy footsteps and your heart beats harder.

You almost jump out of your skin when your phone rings; you hadn't set your usual ringing tone and a DJ Mitchell mix pelted out. Your hand shakes when you grab for your phone. You see it's Anna calling and immediately pick up.

"Hey Chloe, it's Anna." She says cheerfully into your ear. It seems too loud. You glance around quickly.

"Hey Anna! Did I leave something behind at the studio?" You ask, unsure of why she is calling you so soon. Perhaps she had an apology for abandoning you during practice.

"No, nothing like that. We've just decided to schedule an extra practice tonight."

"Oh right. I just thought I'd …" Anywhere was better than here right and like you had already reasoned to yourself, you had nothing to do. "... oh, never mind, when and where do you need me?"

She gives you an address you hadn't heard of and you scribble it down on the back of the dogs home flyer. You thank Anna and end the call. You decide to forego the thrift shop and head back to the less peaceful but yet still safer area. You go to one of the Milktea places, buy yourself a soothing cup of camomile tea with extra pearls and sip on it as you dial Aubrey's office number to let her know you won't be home when she got off from work.

"Hey Bree! It's me. Are you okay to talk?" You ask.

"It's fine Chloe. How are you? Wait, where are you it's really loud!" She says, a little stiffly and very formally.

"I'm still out in Culver but that doesn't matter I've had the weirdest, scratch that mildly, no, honestly an entirely freaky day so far, like seriously, I don't think it can get any weirder." You fill Aubrey in on everything.

"Well. Thank goodness you're all done for today, maybe you can look forward to a relatively peaceful night?"

"Yeah, but no. I got a message before I called you from Anna saying to come in. The others are already there as it's near the residence where the rest of the contestants are staying. It's kind of a late afternoon, early evening vocal exercise class."

"So you have to get going?" Aubrey says, far too casual and her voice sounds small.

"Why, do you want to come? Is, um, Uncle Austin still in the office?" You ask and she nods silently. You're reminded strongly of Beca and how she used to avoid every and all chances to be stuck in the same room as her father.

You really should tell Aubrey to get a grip but you know her father and know what he was like. Cameron Mitchell was tame compared to him

"He wants to have a talk and you know what that means he'll probably be able to list out all the stuff I'm doing wrong, call me mediocre and tell me to pack my bags and go somewhere all in the opening sentence." Aubrey says her face serious. You decide to give Aubrey the reason and the excuse she was looking for her not to attend her dinner meeting with her Dad.

"Oh c'mon then. I don't think they'll mind as it's an impromptu session anyway. Plus it's off the studio lot so you're not already banned from there which is always a good thing."

"Don't remind me." Aubrey said, rolling her eyes, still slightly embarrassed by her actions.

"Well, I need my lawyer to come with me today, so how about I swing by the office and pick you up?" You ask, and she nods again. "I'm assuming Uncle Austin is there now?"

Aubrey clears her throat.

"OK." You say. "I'll be there in a hour. Can you get away?"

Aubrey nods again and for once, you are glad to be able her out instead. You wave your fingers at her as you end the call.

* * *

You arrive on time to meet her and you hail a taxi from the three that miraculously show up all at once. You gave the address to the driver and yet when you park outside of it you're still not convinced it's the right place.

"Really here?" Aubrey questions, raising an eyebrow at the dirty looking building.

"Uh, I'm not sure?"

"Well call them to make sure!" Aubrey says as you start to dial Stacie's number.

"I was already doing that!" You unintentionally snap at Aubrey but change your tone as you realize the reason you can call anyone is because Aubrey replaced your phone. "Sorry, I didn't mean …"

"It's OK!" Aubrey says, understanding the weird day you'd been having.

"And by the way thanks for sorting out my phone." You say as the call connects.

"I didn't do-" Aubrey starts to say but you are distracted as soon as Stacie picks up the phone. You can hear other voices in the background shouting.

"Who is it?" A chorus of several voices sound out.

"It's Chloe!" Stacie sings out.

"Chloe!" Cynthia Rose says excitedly.

"Chlo Chlo!" Fat Amy shouts.

"Shush guys, I need to talk to her." Stacie says, hushing the others as they crowd around her.

"Chlo? Why is Stacie the first person you call?" Amy shouts down the phone.

"Because Chloe loves me best!" Stacie laughs.

"Is that true Chloe?" Amy asks.

"Chloe happens to love me the most!" CR said, joining in the conversation.

"I'm her favorite after Beca! You told me so right, Chloe?" Amy squealed.

"I dunno. I just chose at random." You protest, trying to get a word in edgeways but the girls have already lifted your spirits.

"C'mon, if you were scrolling down your phone book, it's obvious that Amy comes before Stacie!" Stacie laughs out.

"So does Cynthia Rose!" CR said. "It actually comes first as I'm pretty sure she put in under your real name?"

"You know my real name?" Amy smirked.

"Isn't it Fat Amy?" Stacie asked.

"No, my real name is Patricia." Amy said quickly to move on from the conversation.

"Your name is Patricia?" Stacie said in confusion.

"So where's the Amy from?" CR asked.

"Long story. Dead Aunt (that I hated) had a parrot that I loved and it was called Amy. It died but it was not before it-" Amy explained.

"-Okay! Yeah, well we'll just not dwell on that, shall we!" Stacie mused.

"Uh huh. Yeah, you can't handle that story of my name which still comes before Stacie by the way!" Amy laughed, victoriously.

"Guys! I called to ask something important!" You interrupt them from getting into any further arguments.

"Okay shoot!" And mercifully there's silence on the other side.

"Wait, uh, I can't remember now what I wanted to say. Oh yeah, wait, no-" You mumble before Aubrey all but snatched the phone from you.

"-Hey guys! It's Bree."

You smirk and bark out a laugh when Aubrey flinches, moving her ear further from the phone receiver probably due to her getting the same overly enthusiastic reaction and reception from the girls. You notice the taxi driver is being patient, not being pushy about you getting out or paying. He switches off the engine, slipping it into neutral. You unclick your seatbelt as you smile at the catcalls and wolf whistles coming from your phone.

"I think I've gone deaf!" She murmurs before addressing the people on the phone again. She's cautious making sure to keep the phone at a length away from her now sensitive ears.

"Where's the practice going to be? Wait what, you're sure? Chloe and I are right outside the place you're saying and it's not a music room or the contestant house … oh, it's an old fitness place. There's probably a pool inside." She says, finally looking around the building properly.

You thank the driver, slipping him the fare for the ride and start making your way inside even before Aubrey finishes the phone conversation, there are a couple of steps before your reach the pool. You can hear the actual voices of your friends echoing all around.

"Uh whose idea was this, it seems rather dodgy?" Aubrey says, trailing behind you.

"Anna told the others that we would have to be here. Yeah, with the confusion this hell week has brought me, I've learned not to be surprised and to not question anything and just go with the flow now."

"Okay guys!" You say once you've reached the girls who all smile at you like you are long lost friend. There are warm and friendly hugs and many kisses placed on your cheeks. You love that Aubrey's receiving the same treatment even if she is a little overwhelmed by the amount of love being bestowed on her. She flinches slightly when Amy grabs her and pulls her in for a tight hug.

"Where you been Bree?" Amy almost shouted.

"Let her breathe!" Stacie says, pulling Amy off Aubrey.

"What's up? Where's Anna?" You laugh, feeling lighter than you have for a few days.

"Dunno." CR says, looking around. "This place is kinda creepy though."

"Why is it so dark?" Stacie asks.

"Because the lights are off!" Amy chuckles at her own joke.

"It smells funny in here." Aubrey says, wrinkling her nose.

"And kinda creepy! Like how you imagine a slasher movie to smell like." Amy ventures.

"Like what blood and guts?" You offer but regret it as soon as you do, now you can't help imagining a scene from that movie Prom Night: A Night To Dismember. It had really freaked you out. And with what had happened today, who could blame you but it fit the mood perfectly. You sidle up closer to the girls.

You all turn in unison at a sharp metallic sound, somewhere in the dark.

"What was that?" CR asks.

"So it's not just my over active imagination?" You say as a loud humming comes from the depths of the room. "I'm not sure I like this."

"Shall we go?" Stacie echoes what on all of your minds.

You all jump out of your skin as the door you had entered a couple of minutes slams shut with a distinct force.

"It's only the wind." CR says, as you all look uneasily at each other. "Just the wind."

"I shouldn't have had that chili for lunch." Amy quips, desperately trying to ease the tension.

The lights suddenly go out.

Everyone jumps and a couple of people scream but you aren't sure who it is in the blackness. You pull out your phone, the dim screen casting enough light about to show a few scared faces. The others copy your idea.

"Guys, let's go. "Aubrey starts, as she swiftly turns to head towards the door, using her phone to light the way. "Guys grab hold of each other." She instructs everyone.

"Cynthia Rose, please remove your hand from my backside." Aubrey suddenly says and you fight back a laugh.

"It wasn't me." She says, sounding offended. "I'm over here."

"Oh sorry-" Aubrey begins.

"Haha, it was me! I knew I was way off your waist but I still went for it." Amy admits. You start to laugh. How can anyone not recognize what they're holding in the dark? No one but Amy clearly but then you feel another hand land on your breast.

"Amy, that's my chest!"

"Uh, that's me Chlo. Sorry." Cynthia Rose says. "It was an accident, but they uh, if you don't mind me saying, they feel great."

"Hey, why isn't anyone grabbing at me."

"Stacie!"

"Stop with the groping! Just hold on to clothes if it's easier-if you can't tell one body part from the next." Aubrey instructs. "I feel I've been manhandled enough for the day."

You scuff your foot over something and you stumble, flail and nearly fall for a minute … but there's a hand quick to steady you. You've lost your bearings in the darkness it's all so disconcerting, it was scary alone not knowing what to hold on to but not knowing who had held you, that was even scarier.

Everyone automatically comes to a stop .

"What was that?" Cynthia asks.

" _Who_ was that?" Stacie asks.

" _When_ was that?" Amy asks and everyone stops at that question shining their lights on Amy.

"Just now … bonehead." Stacie answers. "What kind of a question was that?"

"Everyone was asking questions so I thought I'd give it a go. Also, you had to ask who? It was Chloe, wasn't it?"

"I knew it was Chloe but there was also something else-someone else."

"You're imagining things."

"You're only scaring yourself and everyone else." Cynthia Rose says.

"Chloe, are you okay? Did you hurt yourself?" Aubrey says, ignores them.

"No, my foot caught on something. I'm not sure what."

"Be careful! Just shine the lights on the pathway. And let's do this carefully so no one risks getting hurt, slow and steady everyone follow me." Aubrey says.

The five of you travel safely trying to cover some distance despite the snail pace.

"What _was_ Anna thinking?"Aubrey asks clearly sounding frustrated, after a few moments of this.

It feels like you've been in the dark for ages now. You're cold and scared and not at all happy right now. The whole day you had felt miserable, where was the turn around huh?

"Yeah. She has a lot of questions to answer about why she chose this place of all places to practice!" You interrupt, readjusting your hold on the back of Aubrey's jacket. She's at the lead, then you, Stacie then Amy and finally Cynthia Rose bringing up the rear.

Everyone murmurs their agreement.

"I think she spends way too much time with Doctor Gail." You kid.

"I have half a mind to report her!" Aubrey says.

"Aubrey?" Amy says.

"It was a really dumb idea." Aubrey whispers.

"I'm sure she didn't intend for the lights to go out? It could be an electrical fault. Or maybe she had something in mind?" You offer as an explanation.

"Well right now I'm the one who minds." Aubrey bites.

"Anna's idea-" Stacie starts to say when she abruptly is cut off when there's laughter from behind you that echoes around the room, bouncing off the tiles, sending cold shivers down your spine and a heavy feeling in your heart.

Then there's a low voice talking.

"-Well … It wasn't really Anna's idea but mine! You can't get away now. I've got you all _exactly_ where I want you."

* * *

A/N:Cue evil laugh. Any guesses to who it is? Anywho thanks for sticking around guys! There's plenty more to see in the next chaps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sure you're all thinking "Why can't this person let them be happy?" I truly believe they deserve all the happiness they can get. And yet there's a lot of issues and stuff that have to be taken care off first before getting to that place of rainbows and unicorns and such.
> 
> I promise it'll come. Then so will the girls. (Oh no she did-n't)
> 
> Tell me what you guys think?


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The big reveal, Chloe Beale's stalker is- *drum roll*
> 
>  
> 
> Aka the girls are all trapped together in an abandoned gym/pool what will happen to Team Beca and the rest of the girls?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a filler chapter. But it's still a pretty long one so I hope you guys aren't too disappointed. This was the last chap I posted in ff .net before my hiatus, so everyone's all caught up now. :)

The music starts before your heart can settle down; it's crazy and loud and fast.

_**Guess who's back** _

_**Back again** _

And you hear, as well as feel the movement going around you; the shuffling of bodies, the slight brushes, the squeak of a shoe on the tile. You're already jumpy to begin with as you are not sure who was who and what was what. And to be left puzzling and to have no inkling whatsoever over what exactly it was that was going on and having no answers … it was terrifying ordeal to be in.

_**Shady's back** _

_**Tell a friend** _

Everything was just this dark, inky abyss and with Cynthia Rose clamped tightly by your side, you couldn't move or do anything. You want to scream but the music is so loud and there is so much movement closing in and overwhelming you that you can't make your mouth move properly.

You could only just stay put and wait it out and let it happen. You feel yourself huddle to the ground, covering your ears wanting it all to past. You almost feel the nausea from the heavy drop, reeling from the descent into madness; you imagine this is how Alice felt like when she was falling down the rabbit hole.

_**Guess who's back** _

_**Guess who's back** _

_**Guess who's back** _

_**Guess who's back …** _

The lights come back on and they're glaringly bright and they blind you. Your eyes adjust enough that you can see where the music is coming from it's source; several people have boom boxes blasting out a surprising mix of Eminem's 'Without Me' mashed up with Eurythmics' 'Sweet Dreams' and despite the hot, hard thumping in your chest, you still somehow recognise that it is a really good one. Cynthia Rose helps you back to your feet and you chance a quick look at the rest of your friends wondering if they were in on this but no, they look to be as flummoxed as you, taking in the on goings their eyes huge with shock.

_**Sweet dreams are made of this** _

_**Who am I to disagree** _

_**I travel the world and the seven seas** _

_**Everybody's looking for something** _

_**Some of them want to use you** _

_**Some of them want to get used by you** _

_**Some of them want to abuse you** _

_**Some of them want to be abused** _

You had no idea what happened to the person who had laughed, then spoken out loud in a voice that you simply couldn't place, before all hell, or whatever this was, broke loose. You look around but no, there's too much going on to zero in on a particular someone … though it could be any one of these people. You couldn't be certain who or what to look for exactly. The voice, something about it niggles at you, it hadn't sounded like anyone you knew if you'd count Darth Vader or something because it sounded a bit like him, almost sounded mechanical, distorted; like some sort of effect.

That had been chilling, everything leading up to it more so, but this what was happening right now, was a different kind of mind game you just couldn't get over how weird it was, and disconcerting.

_**Sweet dreams are made of this** _

But this wasn't a dream; you were wide awake.

_**Who am I to disagree?** _

_**I travel the world and the seven seas** _

_**Everybody's looking for something** _

_**Now this looks like a job for me so everybody just follow me** _

_**'Cause we need a little controversy,** _

_**'Cause it feels so empty without me** _

The build begins, then the lyrics and everything else is lost behind all that's going on. There are dozens upon dozens of twirling, moving bodies dancing out some choreography and you finally twig; it's a flash mob. And all you can think is 'really?'.

_**Little hellions kids feeling rebellious** _

_**embarrassed, their parents still listen to Elvis** _

_**they start feeling like prisoners, helpless,** _

_**'til someone comes along on a mission and yells "bitch"** _

_**A visionary, vision is scary, could start a revolution, polluting the air waves a rebel** _

_**so just let me revel and bask, in the fact that I got everyone kissing my ass** _

_**and it's a disaster such a catastrophe for you to see so damn much of my ass you ask for me?** _

_**Well, I'm back** _

The choreography is quite elaborate; hip hop and ballet moves with some jazz thrown in there. It's quite beautiful and you would've totally appreciated it, if it were in, perhaps, a different time or circumstance but no, just nope.

'Cos right now all you're just wondering who in the world had arranged this, put you through a whole day of scares, then throw something as seemingly harmless as a flash mob to throw you off to mess with you.

'What the hell?' You think to yourself as you recognize a few of the dancers; you've seen them at the studios working closely with Jesse.

_**Fix your bent antennae tune it in and then I'm gonna** _

_**enter in and up under your skin like a splinter** _

_**The center of attention back for the winter** _

_**I'm interesting, the best thing since wrestling** _

_**Infesting in your kids ears and nesting** _

_**Testing "Attention Please" feel the tension soon as someone mentions me** _

_**here's my 10 cents my 2 cents is free** _

_**A nuisance, who sent, you sent for me?** _

'Who the hell could it be? Was it him; the crazy mind is behind all of it?' Shit, what was with the presentation before the actual reveal, this was proving to be scarier than the supposed stalker! Was he capable of such a thing; to choreograph your final moments? Would he pull the curtain, put a close to the show, then follow on through to you and your friends?

He said he had wanted to be rid of you, so was this it?

_**Sweet dreams are made of this** _

_**Who am I to disagree** _

_**I travel the world and the seven seas** _

The big finish comes after some tumbles, several backflips and a couple of very complex poses as the dancers part like the Red Sea and then, out of nowhere there's a banner and a pair of legs pushing through the throng of people.

The suspense is killing you.

"WE'RE BACK For The Win!" The low voices rumbles across the tiles and then you hear a something that could be a giggle, if it weren't so low and deep sounding; it's more like an evil distorted cackle to you. "Oh wait, the thing's still on! Wait a minute … I'll switch it off." the voice goes on oblivious to the havoc it's inflicting upon you and your insides. Seriously, it's really creepy and it makes your hair stand on end.

"There … much better." The voice laughs and you can hear the real voice behind it now, distinctly female and very familiar.

"Is Team Beca reeaaady … to make a stand?"

The banner drops and there was the coach herself standing in the middle of it all, surrounded by laughing dancers.

"BECA?" Each of you frightened girls, still standing closely together, choruses. Her appearance was only just enough to prompt a certain response, a recovery from temporary shock.

She smiles and gives an awkward little wave, her hand's heavy, carrying what looks to be a special megaphone, her eyes immediately seek you out in the crowd.

"SURPRISE!" She says, her arms spreading wide like in a 'tada' pose, to which there's a pause and still not one of you reacts.

She lowers the megaphone and it's promptly picked up and whisked away by someone else. The dancers immediately proceed to file out(they clean up in the process leaving no trace of their having ever been there) , exiting, leaving you girls alone with the woman who had in some way wronged or had offended each and everyone of you.

"So I guess the surprise worked too well huh? Should I be giving you guys more time to recover?" Beca comments once they're gone, taking in the still motionless, reactionless demeanor of every single one of you.

You narrow your eyes.

"It was ... you?" You exclaim, half-demanded her utterance jump-starting your reaction and response. You frown; your mind is racing back over the day you've just had. "You're what's behind everything that has happened today?" It sounds like an accusation and it was exactly that because you couldn't quite understand what was her reason behind all the secrecy, the cloak and daggerness of it all. It wasn't making any sense.

"Well … yeah." She starts to say, the slight smile on her face faltering.

You should've known though, you'd had an inkling, a feeling. You think back to the black corded bracelet; the kind that you'd seen most on one particular person … this person right in front of you who was wearing only three when she usually had four on her wrist. What a total 'face-palm moment' but it was understandable, she had been gone for almost three days now, and not forgetting to mention she was supposed to be, or should've been, hundreds of miles away.

And now you had gotten the whole _'Beca couldn't be doing this, she's in another continent'_ block out of your head, everything is falling into place. Plus, some of those dancers that had looked too familiar, you can finally place them. They'd also been in a couple of Beca's music videos. How that _had_ slipped your mind you don't know, you had watched them a couple of thousand, a couple million of times in fact … before, well a long time ago. Maybe a possible explanation would be was because when you used to watch it yourself your focus used to be on Beca alone, hmm, no that's not it, could it?

You want to ask or demand something more out of her and you open your mouth to do so, to say something, anything but Aubrey cuts across you.

"What in the aca-God's name did you think you were doing Beca?" She barked.

You mull over the question yourself and the possible reason behind her highly questionable actions; assuming it was her behind everything. Now thinking about it, everything that had been happening did sort of scream Beca Mitchell in some way but what was her thought process behind this? Had she intentionally done this to scare you? Because it worked! Had she wanted your heart to speed up … and almost burst entirely out of your chest? If she had, well she had more than succeeded!

"I saw an opportunity and I just couldn't resist." Beca tried to explain looking from one person to the next and you could see her worry line appearing, deepening across her forehead. She gulped heavily a couple of times as she comes to the realization that her fun surprise plan may have just backfired.

"You nearly gave me … no, all of us all heart attacks with the stunt that you just pulled." Aubrey snarls.

Beca's smile disappears completely and she runs her hand through her hair looking totally thrown, uneasy, uncertain, embarrassed.

"I didn't mean to-"

"-No, you just didn't think. This entire place screams warning fatal injury and you left us to make our way in the dark."

"It was only supposed to be a laugh, a little fun to loosen or lighten things up"

"Yeah do you see anyone laughing right now? For Pete's sake, can you be anymore psychotic?"

You can't help but notice how small she suddenly looks and your heart misses a beat. _'No, nu-uh not happening … must ... remain ... indifferent.'_ You tell yourself.

But somehow you guess, judging by her whole demeanor, maybe she hadn't meant to? Maybe she had been trying to be sweet? Which you admit looking past the scary day … it was sort of romantic, in a sort of twisted person's way of being romantic … and oh yeah, seeing who was concerned, you had temporarily forgotten who you were thinking about for just a second. The girl who hated all things romcom, who had no tolerance for such things and didn't quite believe in fairy tale endings and such. You could totally see her finding it, mistaking it for some kind of romantic gesture.

You'd like it if say, you were into being crazy stalked, hmmm, wait, what? Was she now returning the favor.

This was a real case of head and heart battling against each other. Because seriously, you'd never felt more confused or baffled and out of sorts, and her actions have been all the more confusing.

It seems like everything actually was a battle these days, it seems like your whole life or love story had gotten all muddled up a couple of chapters ago. You begin to wonder if you or even Beca could be diagnosed as bi-polar as with the way you two kept changing your minds and acting out of character sometimes as of late.

Like right now you're torn. Of course understandably you're angry, livid even with her about Jesse, because she left for London promising to go to do work, not to _do_ him … apparently blurring work and play between the two of them was the norm. She knew and you knew she knew, you both knew how tricky it was with her working with him. She was well aware of the complications that would arise from her willingly going to him and him expecting something out of her. You knew how cunning he could be, knowing exactly how to play it, how to play _her_ and her emotions and she had gone anyway and well…look what happened; she had played right into his … hands (you really don't wanna think about him getting his hands on her, it's making you sick). You don't really know what's up with her how could she fall for it-fall back into it so easily; was she blind, stupid? Her loyalty to him, her belief in him was just plain ridiculous. What was going through her mind?

And yet people could easily question your actions your towards regarding her...could easily say the same thing about the way you were with her…how somehow you still find yourself wanting to give her that chance for her to explain things-to clear things up.

Because in truth, you don't know _exactly_ what transpired between them and now she was back seemingly to offer you something, to provide answers; a peace of mind. You want to get to the bottom of things. But you're wary because that may not be in the cards for you just yet, or ever, because what you've come to expect, judging by your experience so far with her, instead of the explanations answering all your questions, it'd only be surpassed even replaced by even more questions or worse what you hate the thought of most was getting even more excuses.

And she was always making things all the more difficult doing this; saying one thing and doing another as she came and went. And this time she came and she shifted the whole balance. With the whole London trip, you would leave it up to her to complete the picture because right now, like everything else about the two of you everything was uncertain. Everything right now was a big question mark over your status with her.

"Why are you even here?" Aubrey asked pulling one of the many streams of questions threatening to come out of your own mouth before you have a chance to speak; though you aren't really sure you would've done. You're lost in your own inner musings. You had wanted to ask her outright, but you want to get the answers yourself without an audience. No matter how annoyed you were you didn't want to drag it, the information you were seeking, out of her in front of everyone.

You're actually not sure if you want to ask. You can feel your inner turmoil and the two sides battling it out. You wanna know but at the same time you don't want to hear the details-what exactly happened between her and Jesse. And there goes your stomach again churning … you taste the acid bile as unwanted images of the two of then wrapped up in each other in his hotel room, in his _bed_ , that night burst into your thoughts.

You clench your jaw painfully, scrunch your eyes together tightly and take several breaths to calm yourself. Seriously the stress of this whole Beca thing was really getting to you so much that it actually felt like it was affecting your health now. It very well could ... would probably kill you.

"Uh, me coach." Beca says, pointing to herself before gesturing to the others. "The girls my team. Remember? Why are you?"

"Chloe's emotional support. Also I'm here 'cos _someone_ has to be and at least I'm here with them unlike y'know some unreliable coaches who don't have the history or the best track record of being responsible. You know the kind? The ones that keep flying off and assigning other people to handle their own artists." Aubrey said bluntly, and you wince slightly as you watch Aubrey single handedly wipe the slight smirk and any trace of your former cocky idol from Beca's face.

There's a long heavy silence, no one speaks up for Beca not even herself.

"Wait a minute …" Fat Amy says after a tense pause. "... so why am I here then?" You inwardly smile as you sometimes you had to remind yourself that Amy wasn't part of Team Beca. You tended to forget because everyone hung out together all the time.

"And also um didn't you have some launch that you couldn't get out off in London? Something more pressing and worthy of your time weighing in comparison to everyone here." Amy asks in a tone that completely doesn't suit her. She's being unfunny, wholly serious, and that's what makes it more off putting.

"We're just asking 'cos Anna was already you know filling in and she said you wouldn't be back until like two days from now." Stacie says formally speaking over Fat Amy.

"You don't have to explain why you're asking-" Beca begins to say a slight confused smile reappearing on her face.

"-Oh sorry, we thought that basically us speaking up without permission wasn't welcome!" Stacie says false cheerily

"Or speaking at all?" Cynthia Rose adds

"Wouldn't want to step or speak out of turn." Fat Amy pitches in

"Yeah we should know our place as mere contestants in this show!" You say, taking a turn.

"Totally dispensable?" Aubrey offers

"Not worth her time." Stacie mused.

"Or her effort." CR again

"Her attention." Fat Amy quickly follows.

"Or care even." Aubrey supplies.

"Because she definitely has none for anything we have to say." You say

"Well, we don't care either!" Fat Amy says crossing her arms, her face completely serious, wiped of any trace of humor.

"About her or what she has to say." Stacie adds.

"Well not anymore, I guess." Fat Amy amends.

"We've moved on." You say.

"We're perfectly fine with Anna." Cynthia Rose said.

"But we, of course, respectfully apologize for all we are saying Miss Mitchell, really." Stacie said.

"But we'd prefer Anna though. Please." Aubrey adds though she was clearly not at all part of the conversation and shouldn't be saying anything at all.

"Cos we weren't really expecting you, or anything from you at all … maybe for a while or even ever. We don't really care what you tell the management people it's okay you can leave us to other people and still take the credit for being our coach, we won't rat on you or anything." Cynthia Rose bites out.

Beca finally decides to speak out, finding her tongue.

"But I'm here now. I flew back early. I took two planes, transferred between four different airports in Europe to try and get on a flight, non direct flights I hasten to add cos I was hoping, if it's any way possible, for us to just resume where we left off?"

She's referring the sentence to everyone but she looks directly to you at the end of her speech.

Everyone reacts accordingly, Aubrey scoffs, folds her arms and rolls her eyes while the others remain unimpressed, straight faced, sitting in stony silence. It's odd how everyone's more subdued together than you've ever seen them. There's a sense of lingering awkwardness, a discomfort that's so palpable. Beca looks around, sighing at the lackluster response, sensing and knowing exactly what's it about.

The silence drags on longer than is comfortable and Beca finally speaks up.

"Girls, can I say something? Uh, erm *cough* please?"

You raise your head to look, wondering what she has to say.

"Yes, what do you have to say for yourself and also in the process can you explain what exactly is wrong with you?" Aubrey says bluntly.

Beca spares Aubrey a glance. "Please Aubrey I'm trying to fix things between me and my girls."

"Funny how you just have the knack for getting into situations where you need to make things up to people and beg for their forgiveness, isn't it Beca?"

The girls around you seemed to break character. They shifted uncomfortably and glanced at each other, uncertainty weighing in their features showing how unused they were to holding grudges against anyone, especially this particular someone being Beca, who had from the start endeared herself to everyone; especially to them. Lately, during these past bad days, she was right about everyone seeing her faults more clearly. Everything she did wrong in reaction to what was going on and no one liking what they saw ... or her at all or much lately.

"Look I know I haven't been the most chill coach lately-"

"-Total understatement!" Fat Amy mutters aloud and she jumps when everyone's eyes land on her. "Oh, wait did I say that out loud? Sorry." She says though she doesn't really sound it.

The hate was pouring from all round in for the once beloved Beca Mitchell. You look around, wondering at how in tune you all seemed to be. You're all at the same level anger wise how it almost seemed like you had rehearsed that part earlier, taking turns in attacking Beca, while Beca just for once sat there and took it; her calm-countenance never wavering.

"Yes, and no, it's okay you're right." Beca looks up at Amy.

"Also try the words bone chilling, unpleasant, undesirable like your whole reappearance; it's off putting and weird."

And you actually didn't like it. It was one thing for you to feel snark about Beca, you felt you had more right than most. But admittedly, the girls and their reactions; it made you feel a tiny bit uneasy.

She swallows a few times before continuing.

"YES! Granted that this surprise was in poor taste. I've picked up on that vibe for sure. But what I, uh, really wanted to apologize for was the other day when I was shouting and snapping at everyone. I shouldn't have taken that tone with you girls. You were only trying to help. Actually, I want to apologize for everything. I haven't been delivering on my word as a Coach to my team, to my girls and as a friend to, well yes, to my girls again. I'm trying to fix things and I want to do better. I need to do my best to make it up to everyone. And I know I can't just say that, I have to deliver on my word. I know … I've been all talk so far, but that's I'm here now to deliver. And that's why I will be relieving Anna of her co-coaching duties and I will uh, I'll be working with you guys again single-handedly."

Beca pauses for a moment to let the news sink in.

"We're not sure how to react to that." Cynthia Rose says and there are murmurs of agreement.

"Okay, let me explain." Beca said.

"Please do, God knows we could get a clear picture inside that messed up brain of yours. Be nice, for a change, if you did." Aubrey snarked and you put your hand on her arm.

"In the beginning-"

"-God created the heavens and the earth." Amy said and after a pause muttered the rest. "Sorry, dunno why I knew that passage." She laughs lowly to herself.

"You done?" Stacie asks Amy pointedly.

"Oh, sorry do go on."

"So yeah, in the beginning, I took the job on as a Coach on The Voice because I wanted to do something different. Call it a new challenge, making a difference or whatever. I'm always interested in finding new talent and seeing some of the acts that have passed through has been amazing."

"Some were so-so... not that good!" Stacie offers her opinion. "Just saying."

"True. True. But it's still an eye opener." Beca muses, trying to lift the situation. "Truth though, I was stuck in a rut. Call it a mental block if you like but in all honesty, I was exhausted and stopped taking offers of movie work, I didn't want to do any collaborations and I certainly felt no creative spark with recording. My Agent kept up the pretense that I was busy and I did a few talk shows and the eagle eyed among you …" Beca cast her eyes towards you at this point. "... will probably have noticed how I skirted around the issue of what I was up to. This happens a lot, just so you know. A lot of us get a little burnt out. I needed something, to look forward to, to bring back the spark and give my life some meaning I guess."

She ran her fingers through her air and flexed her fingers before she continued.

"So, when the offer came up to do this, to be a Coach and support a team, it sparked something within me that I'd lost. I felt excited again, it felt new, something I could do and I wanted to be a part of something bigger. In a way I know I wanted to experience it all firsthand and be able to make a difference to someone's career, to find someone raw, and fresh and to be able to help be a part of that journey. And the show gave me all that and so much more. Cos I never dreamed that I'd meet the most amazing people, to be able to make such a deep connection with the contestants, especially the ones I have standing with me now."

She throws a look at Aubrey and just noticeably shrugs her shoulders before continuing.

"And despite that I lost sight of everything because all the issues that got in the way after we became close because I had to keep up the mentor role, I also had to keep a distance from you, keeping you all at arms length. I had to shut you out but I'd forgotten to be fair to you guys 'cos I wasn't. I stopped being your friend and then when it all wrong I made things worse, and I didn't help at all. I, uh, went so far within myself I forgot to be, well I became a sucky, unreliable coach. I know I've been lacking in that department and you all deserved better from me-"

"-Amen to that." Amy laughed out to that, then remembered she had no right to be there so busied herself looking at her shoes.

"Look, I'm your age, okay? And yet I have no friends to show for it, because for more than half my life I'd been working my ass off. I'm dedicated to my craft. My friends are all work friends just colleagues. While the industry wanted me I had to strike while the iron was hot. I worked my ass off to secure a place for myself, to find some certainty. Although, in this business nothing's all that guaranteed. Today I'm here as a coach on The Voice yet tomorrow I could be gone, old news."

"I always put this; my job, this life before everything and because of that, I have no one. I don't know how to sit and paint my nails with girlfriends, or snuggle under blankets, eating pizza, watching rom coms and I have no clue what it means to have friends who really care. The ones I used to have just wanted me for my connections and a step up in the industry. A few, even including members of my own family just wanted me for money; felt I owed them a debt because I've got a few dollars in the bank. The only person who I considered as a friend, that I could call upon was Jesse."

You flinch slightly at his name and you desperately try to school your features into something you hoped was impassive. Beca watched you for just a moment too long and the murmurings around you start to get louder.

"Look guys, I know. Enough talk, enough drama … I won't add anything more- there's been too much of it going around as of late." Beca said, putting up her hands in mock surrender. "I just, what I actually ... I wanted to say that I wholly, fully apologize, for everything. What I did was a really dick move and I shouldn't have brought you down here to the pool and uh, surprising you, forcing the flash mob on you, without asking you guys." She says wryly, but then becomes far more serious

"And I definitely shouldn't have left to go to London and all those other things and engagements that I attended that I put first before you all. I've let you guys down time and again and for that I'm really sorry. I can't change the past, what's done is done. I can only step up now and offer you a promise. A promise to be here NOW. I've cancelled everything and anything in my diary and I've cleared my schedule from now until the end of the recording of the show. I can't promise to be perfect and I'm going to make mistakes but I'll be here to support you, train you and possibly kick some ass. You are ALL my main focus now. Nothing else is important. I want to be the Coach that you all deserve and then maybe everything else will fall into place behind that. So … guys, if you would have me, I want back in."

"Is this for real?" Cynthia Rose asked.

"Yes." Beca said, her eyes holding onto CR's. There's a couple seconds where everyone's just silent stewing, absorbing the information taking it all in, and everyone of them just simultaneously shrugs.

"Okay, okay, cool." CR said, mashing her lips and nodding speaking for them.

"What made you change your mind and come back early from London?" Stacie asked.

"I realized that my priorities were all wrong and certain people making decisions for me didn't always have all my best interests at heart." Beca said honestly, yet still slightly cryptically. "It took me being away to realize what I was losing."

"You have to forgive me when I say I'm not convinced." You reply directly. Her bringing up Jesse and London had only added to your reservations, causing you to put your guard up. She was saying a lot of things, giving many more promises but you have yet to get any real answers from Beca.

"I'm here now and I'm not leaving." Beca says, standing steadfast.

"That sounds familiar." You scoff.

"No really, I'm going to stay and stick with this. I've realized what is important. I want it to work, more than anything. And I will work hand in hand with you all."

"Until you have to fly off back to England and do your real work?" Now it's an argument between the two of you and the others are just trying to surreptitiously blend into the back ground.

"I just said that I'm not flying off to London." She stresses again and you can see a flash in her eyes; but it's not anger, she's not cross just determined.

"Don't you still have things to do? Some unfinished business there?" You ask, wanting answers needing it desperately to sate your troubled mind but don't want to draw attention to yourself in front of the group.

"I'm done, it's _done_. I made sure to finish it, tied up any and all loose ends." Beca says, fixing a look at you that suggests that is all she is prepared to say. You frown at this but Beca doesn't give anything further. She turns towards the others and it almost seems like it hadn't been a conversation meant for the two of you only.

You're a little unsure and you question if you are over-thinking the whole thing. Could it be that she did just drop everything and come back to straighten things out. The Voice, her mentoring and her recording were all part of her life and she _was_ a very busy girl. It dawns on you and you realize that she has just flown halfway around the world after organizing what she, rightly or wrongly, were some sweet, albeit slightly creepy surprises.

You realize that this-that she had been putting in some effort, which really was what you asked for. She had also laid her vulnerable side out for everyone to see. And you realize that this was a pretty huge deal for her.

Still you can't quite shake off your reservations, which was understandable. But you realize that you can, that you'll have to cut her some slack, at least coaching-wise. She isn't off the hook just yet…

"Coach Beca." You say, feeling the need to take this back to basics, feeling the need address her formally.

"Um, Yes?" Beca said, looking confused and a bit thrown off.

"So I guess a 'Thank you' is in order."

She tenses observing you wearily perhaps expecting you to continue to give her a hard time. You're almost tempted too but you had to get back to the whole competition aspect of this story you had to make things if not right at least okay to give way to help re-establish the once seamless group dynamics. You, well the both of you, had to get over yourselves to make it work again.

"Uh, what? I mean why?"

"For what you said. Thank you." You continue. "That means a whole lot ... to the group-it really does."

"You're … welcome. " She says hesitantly, "I meant … mean every word." Beca said, her jaw set determinedly her eyes blazing now.

"Yeah we appreciate all those ... words … the speech thing." Fat Amy says nodding repeatedly.

"And we uh, feel bad about what we said," Stacie says clearing her throat while staring at her nails "but we don't take it back … but we are moving forward from all that." She says raising her face her eyes to meet Beca, her tone softer more friendly now.

"Yeah start anew and all that jazz." Cynthia Rose says.

"Order has been restored; the Team's back together… and we can be on our way to things being better with us from now on. We'll be okay now right?" She says to everyone but she's looking at you from the corner of her eye.

"Are we still just talking about the show?" You can't help asking.

Beca opened her mouth to speak but Amy talked across her.

"What about me?" Amy asked. "I've been trying to bring it up, I'm sure you've all forgotten 'cos you all love being in my company but technically I'm not part of-"

"-Of course you are Team Blake. I can have a word with your Coach. You'll have to be there of course, but there's no reason why you guys can't all hang out together and practice. You're an adopted member of Team Beca y'know that. There are group numbers coming up anyway."

"We do kinda need the practice!" CR laughed.

And it's all sunny and smiles.

"Awww, soppy moment." Amy cheered. "Group hug!"

"There's no need for all that Amy, it's all ... ooooomph." Beca started to say before being swept up by the Australian.

"So, Beca, the stuff you said that you promised … you can't just let them be mere words right we have to make them come into fruition."

"Yeah, that was the intro to why I'm here. I kinda already made a start on that ergo why I'm standing here instead of being overseas. Oh wait, did you like want me to get that down on paper and sign it or something and you'll be the witness. I can do that." She gets out with difficulty, her sentence punctuated by wheezes.

"No, we don't have to do that. I was just asking if you were prepared to throw down a pact or a binding agreement. It doesn't need to be written, it's just sort of understood?" Aubrey asked, thoroughly enjoying watching Beca get squeezed by Amy.

"Amy? I need to breathe!" Beca hissed out, purple faced, though she's laughing as well as coughing as she's set back on the pool tiles.

"Yes Aubrey, I will. I'm here, I'll be here."

"Girls, are you also willing to join Beca in this pact? To up your game?" Aubrey continued and you could place her so easily in her office, staring down a difficult client. You heard several muttered yeses. Aubrey threw her hand in to the centre of the group. "Hands in then?"

All of them looked around at each other, slightly confused.

"Hands in aca-bitches." She called out. There's a scramble as everyone's hands get into the circle quickly. Beca's accidentally brushes yours and you quickly pull away. You're unprepared for that little jolt you felt, much like static. You look up quickly meeting Beca's equally surprised gaze. _'Did she still have static from the airport'_ you wonder randomly. Beca looks down and backs up a bit giving you space. You bite your lip and drop your gaze.

Meanwhile Aubrey's still speaking.

"This a two-way street thing. This is what it is basically commitment. " Aubrey says taking the nearest hand to hers, Fat Amy's hand, moving it, squeezing it to further emphasize her words and what she was saying. "To own all the talent, strength that you _beautiful_ women possess." Aubrey says patting Amy's hand one more time before releasing it.

"I thought I was never going to get my hand back." Fat Amy comments.

Aubrey suddenly takes her hand again. Before she continues she sends one stern look and urges the rest of you to do the same in joining hands with each other. You take Fat Amy's other hand, Stacie takes Aubrey's and Cynthia's, then Cynthia and Beca then Beca holds out her hand you hesitate only a moment then you take it.

"To be the best you can possibly be, you have to believe in yourselves, that you're all going to secure a place in the top spots … you have to believe in woman power. Because we are powerful, we are fierce … we are women, hear us ROAR!" She says bringing Stacy and Amy's arms high above her head and waving it about wildly.

You bite your lip to stop from laughing as the expressions on their faces were priceless looking shocked wondering at how serious she was being perhaps even questioning her sanity. But Aubrey's excellent; her face is a perfect mask of seriousness like she meant business though you can't miss her eyes sparkle in that 'taking a piss' way.

"Come on say it 'we are powerful, we are fierce … we are women hear us ROAR!" She repeats, trying to get a rise out of the crowd and of course she could always count on you to back her up.

You loudly respond.

"I am powerful, I am fierce, I am woman, hear me ROAR." You say bringing your arms up as well as Beca's and Amy's fully getting into it moving your body as well as thrashing your hair about wildly. Once you're done Aubrey and you share a look and you have to quickly break it, less you burst into laughter.

"I only saw and heard Chloe." The rest of them look to you, you shrug trying to seem unaffected, like you were too used to it to be embarrassed, like you've been at the tail end of pep-talks just like these ones way too many times to be bothered. It's hard though and you're wondering who'd actually do it and you're beyond psyched to see them actually do it.

"Come on guys, we are powerful, we are fierce … we are women, hear us ROAR!" You chant.

By then however … you're insides are straining, holding the laughter in as they follow looking completely uncomfortable.

"We are powerful, we are fierce … we are women, hear us roar!" They reply.

"I don't hear the roar … you really have to roar...like really say the word making it sound like a Roooar towards the end." Aubrey says.

You're getting quite the laugh out of this. You bite your lip hard.

"Come on, 'We are women here us Roooar.' One. two. three."

"We are women here us...Roar-"

"You really have to work on that roar it has to be nice and elongated. Also from the diaphragm girls." Aubrey instructs sternly.

"Roooar."

"Almost there..."

"ROOAAR."

"Now from the top."

* * *

It takes several takes until Aubrey and you are satisfied and your sides are threatening to split, and they still haven't cottoned on to it being a harmless prank.

But whatever; towards the end they seem to be enjoying it, participating more and more enthusiastically.

Aubrey and you don't have the heart to reveal your tiny little joke besides the chant hadn't been useless; it had served to loosen things up to make things almost feel like it was back to normal again between all of you. Making the atmosphere seems more workable.

"Yeah, whoo I see what you are getting at … I'm feeling all womanly and … empowered like a fierce beast." Fat Amy says.

Beca cracks a huge smile. Your face responds without you meaning it to, with an equally huge smile, although its probably a result of withholding all that laughter. You're still feeling a bit breathless, slightly giddy.

"Now that's settled, let's make a start, shall we? To answer the million dollar question, and the reason why you all are here, including you Amy is that ..." She pauses for effect. "... we do actually have a group number for the next results show! Yaaaay!" She says getting adorably bouncy and excited her face beaming; she's also clapping her hands excitedly.

"Glad to know you're all excited about it." She continues looking hesitant when no one reacts. You think mostly everyone's taken aback not seeing this side of Beca in a long while, some not at all. But you all shrug and cheer after sharing a quick amused glance with each other.

"YAY!"

"ROAR!" Fat Amy bellows.

"Okay that's better…" She says grinning, enthusiasm restored. "So um I, uh, wanted to try something; a mash up that's been in my head for quite a while now." She says stretching, interlacing her hands then cracking them above her head. You see a glimpse of her toned stomach peeking out from under her shirt.

"It's a capella so it'll be a different kinda complex, there'll be a vocals starting with Stacie then Cynthia then Amy then featuring Chloe taking the lead to the first song. She'll be going solo and I'll be watching ready to intercept. I'll join in about two lines in, but she won't stop. She'll keep on performing and I'll only be backing vocals but I'll be right on her, I'll be right on top of her parts. It may seem sort of new and things may not flow so smoothly but it's basic chemistry and I know it'll just flow once we get the rhythm right. And once we work it out we'll be coming together quite nicely, quite powerfully I think."

You were feeling quite flustered, admittedly a little hot under the collar with her choice of words, it wasn't just your mind or you just thinking this based on the disgusted look on Aubrey's face and the peculiar amused slightly pervy looks on the others.

"That sounds ... _hot_." Stacie says

"Do you two need some alone time? Y'know ... to du-et." Cynthia Rose says trying unsuccessfully to hide her amused smirk.

"Huh? No! This a group number. Chloe and I will be the main vocals though." Beca says, not quite catching on and totally unaware of how she had sounded.

"I'm sure you'll both be getting _very_ vocal with each other ... _very_ soon. I bet if we left the room right now you'd get right down to getting vocal." Fat Amy says in her exaggerated, obvious way; her face expressing it all so that even Beca finally clued in to everything.

"No-I'm not-she's not. We won't.!" You sputter, knowing and hating that your face was probably as red as your hair right now.

Beca's more calm, trying to get back on track. "No, we can do it right here right now; we can practice with you guys here. We kinda need your voices as well for the number to work out the way I envisioned it to. The whole point of it being a group number and all."

"Wow, we get to be witnesses?" Fat Amy says. "I always thought voyeurism had massive appeal and just saying, it'll be a total honor experiencing it with the both of you…"

"Honestly the heat, or whatever ... this tension you have going on between you both,"

You glance at Beca feeling yourself become uncomfortable as well as annoyed at how transparent you were with how you were feeling towards her (though what you're feeling between the two of you is less of a sexual tension more just actual tension, maybe there was just a hint of the other mixed in)...so much that everyone else noticed enough to comment about it.

"Whew … like a while ago when the two of you were arguing; the way you looked about ready to jump the other. Not in a kill each other sort of way ..." She waggles her eyebrows "... but maybe it could be, y'know, 'I heard too much sex will do that to you' …" Cynthia Rose casually says.

"No such thing!" Stacie quickly cuts in. "I'm still standing, so ..."

"Er guys, can we get back to pressing matters …" You say trying try to steer the conversation away.

"I'm sure you'd like to get to pressing where it matters, you know around the pelvic area …" Fat Amy said, which makes Stacie and Cynthia snort with laughter.

"I'll give it a couple of days, or maybe two, for something to happen; for the two of you to spontaneously hook up or whatever." Stacie says pretending to study the both of you and giving her diagnosis some serious thought.

"We can give you all the time right now if you want." Cynthia Rose shrugs looking towards the other two who nod accommodatingly.

"Please do overshare afterwards." Stacie says with a sly smile.

"Please don't, and please stop." Aubrey says in a pained voice her hand twitching, you think with her wanting to raise it to cover her ears or maybe her mouth (maybe to stop from puking) or whatever. Probably her mouth, her gag reflex was sensitive about these stressful things, you and Beca things … no wonder she had been so quiet.

"I can't believe I'm saying this but Aubrey's right guys. We need to focus and not get distracted." Beca clears her throat as she reminds them gently, though her face is still a bright red.

"Okay, so where are the instruments? Where are the mics? The sound equipment? Why are we here in this empty space? Wait, what is this place. Where are we?" Fat Amy asks, totally oblivious to where she is standing, a couple of feet away from the pool.

"It's the pool area. We have been here for the past couple hour or so ..." Stacie says her tone suggesting incredulity at Fat Amy's sudden obliviousness.

"Yay!" Amy said excitedly. "I really felt like a swim, how'd you know? Gosh, I just wanna jump in!"

"I don't think that's the best idea-" Stacie laughed, looking around her.

"-Yeah, I know that I'll make a splash worthy of a tsunami! Hold on to the furniture if that's your concern." Amy said without malice.

"More likely that there's no risk of that happening, seeing as there's no water-" Beca deadpanned.

"-Huh!" Fat Amy said, looking to the pool. "Aww."

"Darn!" CR mirthed.

"So, uh, why here?"

"The echoing, the musical resonance, it's perfect acoustics for what I've got planned."

"And what is that exactly?"

"You guys feel like warming up, a capella style?"

"We're down with that!" Fat Amy answers and Cynthia Rose raised an eyebrow. "What? Annoyed that I stole your next line and delivered it better than you ever could?"

She rolls her eyes but chuckles lowly in unabashed amusement-

"That was, uh, anyway. What you got in mind Coach?"

"Bruno Mars' Just The Way You Are and Nelly's Just A Dream?"

"Oh, please Mitchell, like you could even do any of those songs justice! Let the real a capella girls do the work here!" Aubrey says, jumping in looking fully restored no longer pale and pasty. You'd like to tell her off but seeing as she wasn't really part of this practice at all, you thought you'd best keep quiet. You knew of Aubrey's serious devotion to all things a capella; she wouldn't let Beca "Queen of Synthesizers, Turn Table and Fabricated Music" touch her beloved a capella.

"Speaking of work, don't you have to do that? I seem to see way too much of you. Are you actually going against your perfectionist nature by skiving off?" Beca asked Aubrey, the look on her face clearly showing it just dawned on her properly that Aubrey was standing amongst the contestants. "Or have they come to their senses and fired you by now?"

"Yeah, I am working … it's my job to look after Chloe, and no I had a light workload today." She says and you notice Aubrey's tell; her right eye twitching with her lie. "I came to observe and it looks like I arrived right on time. You are completely out of your jurisdiction here."

You know that Aubrey was ready to insult Beca if she rejected her offer, but somehow knew that she secretly hoped she wouldn't though she'd gladly be more than happy to school Beca if she said yes.

"Fine, okay." Beca said after thinking for a moment. "You can, um, help I'm assuming that's what you were trying to offer or phrase or whatever in your ... own words."

"You're letting me take over your session-" Aubrey said, not realizing she had revealed her true intent, thrown by the generous offer, more than a little surprised, and excited to that she had gotten her way.

"-Not 'take over' take over but, yeah, sure. You're the expert with a capella so maybe you can help the three girls as they've never done a capella together as a group before?"

Aubrey's beyond ecstatic. You could totally see how much she really missed working with music. You could almost see her really contemplating whether to get over her anti-Becaness enough to give her a hug.

She quickly gets over it and decides to put her happy feeling to good use, directing it elsewhere, immediately getting to work.

During the entirety of the Aubrey controlled session, you recall with some fondness so reminiscent it was of your college days, you are surprised that Beca not only gives Aubrey leeway to practice as well as direct the other girls, she seems open and very accommodating to all of Aubrey's ideas. She's extra patient of Aubrey's usual hyperactive, scary, controlling, bossy tendencies and handles her and everything pretty well if you do say so yourself.

They manage to equally contribute deciding, and coming into an agreement about how the finished product would be like.

* * *

After almost ten minutes the girls feel confident to try out the song, or their parts at least. Aubrey sings along and then Beca points at you to start singing.

You get through the first stanza and then there she is singing right along with you. You were singing different words, they were on a different beat from the other and yet when they sang; it was simply beautiful. The arrangement was absolutely seamless, like the two songs had meant to be put together. It was funny how their differences served to make them match up in a way no one else could have fathomed. They execute Beca's vision flawlessly and at the end everyone breaks into fully fledged grins, elated at how good everything had sounded.

"Damn you guys! Where have you been all my acapella life?" Aubrey smiles warmly. "I have been searching for you my whole aca-existence. Where were you girls when we had open auditions for the Bella's almost three years ago?"

"I was still in Tasmania. Yeah, I probably right at that moment just finished taking on a pack of wallabies in a cook out." Amy said.

"Uh-huh." Aubrey frowns then nods slowly, "What about you Stace, where were you?"

"In some kind of program or rehab for my addiction I think?" Stacie questioned herself.

"To sex?" Amy asked.

"What? No! My cuticle care. I used to over-clean my nails." Stacie admitted. Aubrey's frown deepens. Perhaps she was now wondering if they were the one's trying to get one over her this time.

"Well, I was being shunned and looked down upon because my "problem" as they call it." CR says in a grave tone causing Aubrey's expression to clear.

"People gave you a rough time when you came out? You were being harassed because you were gay?" Aubrey outright asks.

"No, I was out and proud my whole life. The whole town community learned to accept me as I was … and I was totally not talking about that." she says looking confused. "What gave you this idea, anywho it was something completely different. I had a ... gambling problem."

"Wow! I didn't see that one coming." Fat Amy says under her breath.

"And this whole session just spiraled into a whole 'let's go around and confess' type thing … what is this some AA meeting or something. I'm Aubrey and I'm an-"

"-No need to guess yours Aubrey." Beca was quick to snark. "What were you addicted to or obsessed with? Sucking out the fun out of everything?" She says.

"Yes and putting the alt girls like you in their place!" Aubrey retorts.

You know it was more or less harmless jabs-there was no real offense meant. They were just going through there whole cat and dog routine with some lighthearted teasing, semi-light ribbing that could go on for minutes if not stopped.

"Hi Aubrey!" Everybody choruses, effectively interrupting them, the two proceed to laugh it off, the lightness of the evening now making everyone relax.

"I've been two years healthy- having a handle on my controlling issues ... though honestly, I might just fall of the wagon to put another alt-girl in her place..."

"Don't worry...if you do...We're here for you!" Stacie laughs out.

* * *

After Practice

"So it's a real shame that we never actually got to use the pool for it's intended use, y'know to go do the swim thing!" Stacie said.

"Yeah, well it was totally useless taking us to a pool with no water though." Fat Amy mumbles to herself, Beca catches what she said and she smiled.

"Well, I do have one of those myself." Beca said. Fat Amy frowns in confusion. "A pool...guaranteed to be filled with lots of water." Beca specifies, seeing the look on her face.

"Didn't we already use this one for practice? Why do we need another one?" Aubrey pointed out, her eyes darkening slightly.

Yeah, of course. But mine, well, it's not for practice. I thought, um, maybe, um, you guys wanted to swim and it could be a thing. We could hang out if you want, you know? Minus the voice stuff. Completely off the record, um, just kinda hanging out, you know, like the days of old when the shit hadn't hit the fan just quite yet?"

"Oh the good ol' stinkless days." You said straightfaced. Beca's mouth twitches.

"But wait a minute, what you just said about being coach, the pact and everything, we just assumed you meant it specifically for the competition like a strictly professional relationship and such. Like only in the workplace kinda friendship." Stacie says.

"I meant it much more than that. I just really just want to make you guys count on me again." Beca said imploringly, her eyes finding then boring into yours before she continues. "All of you. We can work on the competition but we can also y'know, take breaks, and have fun every now and again like we used to; like before …like right now if you guys are up for it-"

"So not going to happen. It's late and everyone needs the rest." Aubrey said, pointedly.

"So raincheck? Like tomorrow perhaps …" Beca is quick to offer an alternative time.

"We don't know our plans just yet?" The girls say, hesitating; the walls suddenly being brought up again. It was one thing to say it was alright or cool between everyone, but perhaps they still needed more time to come to terms into what exactly would the renewal of the relationship what it would constitute, you know you definitely needed time to figure things out yourself.

"Okay. it's up to you guys. I guess if you're feeling like it you can come over. If not, then that's fine too." She said, a warm smile on her face hiding her fears.

When you've aca-signed off. Everyone starts to break apart to leave. So do you and Aubrey. She doesn't let you get your alone time to confront Beca and all but steers you away to the exit with her hands on your shoulders, not letting you even share a look or even say goodbye.

* * *

When you get home, as soon as you can, you go online and see some posts in private FB group page you shared with the girls. They were having a chat whether to go to Beca's place or not and the conversation had been going on and on about it but you could see they were leaning towards going.

Later that night you hear your phone beep with a message and later it buzzes as the call gets in, DJ Mitchell Titanium mix, Beca.

You really had to change that personalized ring tone, it does things to you that mix, it woke you up pretty good. You look at the open door … and run to close it, hoping Aubrey with her supersonic hearing wouldn't listen in.

"Hey!" Beca says and you can tell she is trying to be as upbeat as possible.

"Hey." You echo.

You both knew how different it would be, how strained, to interact without the ease of the others being there to distract from the real issue, to keep you pretending that everything was all right. During the group session you had glossed over everything, put aside your Bechloe issues in order to fix the more pressing group issues.

"So, I kinda wished we had been able to talk." She said carefully.

"Well, we are talking now, so …" You start to say, trailing off as you run out of things to say.

"So, I really wanted to explain everything." Beca spoke into the silence. "Jesse and I ... We were together because-" You couldn't hear anymore. You said you did want to hear an explanation but it had to stop there. You couldn't bear-you just can't.

"No need. I already got your message loud and clear." You say loudly cutting her off, swallow thickly before continuing. "You chose him. You're back together, yadda, yadda, yadda."

"Chloe, seriously. I can explain this but you already have this preconceived notion in your head and I know whatever I say might not even pierce through or anything." She admits.

"I'm not closed minded. I'm just not stupid. But when is hanging out with your ex ever a good thing? And with your history with him; getting back whenever it feels right or whatever, taking him into your bed, I just can't ..."

"Chloe! Look, I can't do this over the phone-"

"-Then hang up then. You called me remember?" You snap, your voice breaking towrds the end.

"No, no, please, I want to talk to you but I, uh, you see-" Beca tries again.

"-Please try to make sense any day now!" You snark into the mouthpiece.

"I can't talk to you right now…not while you're like this and also not like this over the phone." Beca said, suddenly sounding weary. "We have to do this face to face. I need to explain everything properly and I will, I promise. If you can maybe come over early tomorrow morning?"

"I dunno Beca ..." You murmur.

"You can ask me anything and I'll answer everything. I won't hold back, I absolutely promise."

"You're making a lot of those lately. I've yet to see it come to fruition."

"Tomorrow. You'll see, you'll know … everything."

"What do you-"

"-Tomorrow you'll know the truth about me, about him, everything. The answers you want, they're yours … all of it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the abrupt ending and just when it was getting to the good part...I had to, the chapter would've been even longer (who knew that was even possible) plus I didn't want to squeeze everything into this one chapter (have to distribute the drama evenly-kidding...I'm trying to dial down on the drama I know you're all fed up with it and with the two gals.) But i promise starting next chapter that things will take a different turn.
> 
> And also who guessed correctly that it was Beca. And also knew about the empty pool practice scene?
> 
> Two(candy canes or whatever sweets you can imagine) for you glen coco for getting it right!
> 
> Up Next: Bechloe serious talk while in their suits-swim suits that is dun dun...


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Beca gets her last chance to explain herself.
> 
> They say the truth will set you free. There comes a time for questions to be answered and secrets to be made known especially when one promises the answers to everything. Its easier said than done for these two basket cases. Beca's allergic to being vulnerable and Chloe's one step away from losing her shit completely. Let's watch them crash an burn shall we? Angst all the way up to part 2.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've got two looonng, I mean long ones for you. I hope it'll keep you guys sated for some time (like maybe a week) until the next update as I'm currently beta-less, and I'm sadly become very scarily dependent on other people correcting my work. I poured my heart and soul into this, I hope you can tell. Or not, its quite the mess, or so I would think. This chapters been marinating in my drive for quite a while so I have loads of people to thank who helped me along the way. To the betas that came and went (waatp especially) and most recently Kristina, and to the people who offered help, I did appreciate the time and the little insights you gave regarding this chapter.

Chap 30

_Everything..._

_'You'll know everything.'_ That's what Beca had said last night. Or was that early this morning? It didn't matter, it was the last thing she'd said and those words, her voice continued to play on and on in your head.

You will know everything. No, really. How vague can a person get? Did the girl take a master class at being cryptic? She really had to know that she took it to the next level. What exactly did _everything_ constitute; the question brought even more questions. A million possibilities of dark secrets ranging from normal to the implausible. You ran through each one in your thoughts.

Maybe Beca was bipolar. Or had a twin. Or possibly had that multiple personality disorder thing. Maybe Beca was a vampire, sired to Jesse. Actually you quite liked that one. Maybe she had sold her soul to the devil, Jesse, and she couldn't get out of the deal.

Yeah, you think your mother had been right to warn you about the perils of watching too much television as a kid. You can now see what it had done to you and what was left off your hyperactive brain.

Seriously, with what had transpired over the past week, over the past month even, there was a big gaping hole when it came to Beca and who she really was that made nearly all of those suggestions sound possible; you're banking on the last one. Jesse being the spawn of Satan or Lucifer himself made actual sense to you.

Back to his supposedly soulless friend, though.

What new mysteries was she hiding? What other layer would you peel back? What would it reveal?

With this girl, would there always be more unanswered questions?

You suppose that it had been part of her allure. It was what came with getting to know her, and before, when she was just an image in a magazine or the television. Those tiny pieces had been enough, but now it just gnawed at you. Like the annoying itch that's just out of your reach.

_Everything..._

You guess she meant it pertaining to the whole British-Jesse-incident thing, but why did it seem like she was hinting at something of an even greater significance than that?

 _Everything_ …

All you know was that everything about these past few days had been a blur, a tumbled up mess. That mess had mostly consisted of Beca and you trying and failing to get anywhere with your- you no longer know what term to use to label what it is you have between the two of there even was anything worth labeling anymore, that is.

Everything, then, huh? It's quite the word, a word of a magnitude with its beauty hidden in meanings dependent on perspective, and yet it was exactly the word to use to pique your curiosity and your interest. It was also exactly what you had wanted and longed for the most, because after all this time and after all you had gone through and done with and for her, you had yet to really get to know her.

It's also quite the promise. One that, no matter how much you keep telling yourself to be open-minded to, is something you can't help but be wary of. One you can't help but question.

After all that had happened, you resigned to thinking, to _accepting_ that it was just that way with some people in general, that you could never truly know someone you could share moments and those little snippets of information that tell you everything and nothing at the same time

All the more so with Beca who gave you little bits and pieces that you had to work hard for. Pieces you had to scramble to gather as she would always choose carefully how much or how little she would divulge. Maybe it was planned, maybe it was unknowing; you don't really know. You wonder if she knew of her own particular brand of evil, what with constantly keeping you hanging like this; always at an arm's length, all so you wouldn't expect too much from her, for you'd be grateful for the little she did give, for what she so generously handed.

A fleeting thought crosses your mind. Perhaps this could really be the furthest you could go with her. Maybe that's just how much she is able to give and maybe, just maybe, you already know, and will know much more than most people ever will. As long as you remind yourself why you were there, taking the time to drive over to meet her in the first place.

You wonder if that should warrant cutting her some slack and giving her the benefit of the doubt.

You think it's a small miracle that you don't crash Beca's car on the way, as overly distracted as you are by your own thoughts, though thankfully not enough to actually stop driving whilst subconsciously feeling your instincts take over as your mind wanders all over the place.

Over the last few hours, your mind had been buzzing with so many deep, dark and trying, as well as tiring, thoughts; the kind you really _really_ want dispelled and gone. Not all your thoughts, though, no. Or the ability to think, mind you. Just the negative feelings it brought. That, and all the energy it sucked out.

You're pretty thankful for one thing; it's a rather seamless drive over to her pIace, and also quite surprising considering the fact that you had been there exactly once.

You make it to Beca's in what feels like no time at all; granted you did get lost a couple of blocks back, but going through the security was surprisingly fast. It was almost as if you were streamlined and the mention of your name automatically opened all the gates for you.

When you close in and the familiar gate appears, you begin to retract that feeling, and the relief you feel after getting there without so much as a hitch starts to fade fast, changing to one of dread.

That was too fast a trip.

Now that you're already there, your nerves heighten and you feel like it's getting the best of you.

Before you know it, you're within the compound. A man in a uniform offers to take the car and the keys, and slips in the driver's seat to park it. You're left there standing by the porch and you suddenly feel your nerves start to spike even more, wondering if it's too late to turn back now. You could probably still make a run for the car and drive off. Oh yeah, small problem. There is a slight hitch in your otherwise ingenious plan; it's Beca's car.

And then you wonder. Why are you so anxious now that you actually have the chance to hear the truth?

 _Everything_. It's going to be big, isn't it? Whatever she was meaning to tell you, it would change everything. Is this where the sudden nerves came from?

You gather your thoughts, composing yourself before you raise your hand to the door ready to knock. So much could happen, so much could change. You feel it, but are you ready for it?

You're already into the act of knocking. Once, twice. Softly first, but then you're thinking. ' _Of course she couldn't hear it, being in such a big house and all', and_ so you stop gently caressing the door with your knuckles and strike it with your balled fist. Not too hard, though. After all you don't want to alarm the security.

Nothing.

 _*knock_ _knock*,_ and then again, sadly, to no response. You look around for some aid, you look to the cameras situated every which way that you're sure are capturing your every move.

 _Was this Beca's idea? A part of another one of her sick jokes, maybe?_ She was expecting you, wasn't she? The guards did let you in.

You opt to try again, this time you're fully determined to be heard over whatever noise was keeping anyone inside from responding. Now you're quite positive you are _pounding_ at the door, the pounding you feel reverberating almost as loud as your too anxious heart.

* _thump. thump. thump. thump. thwack*_

You hear the sound moments before your brain takes in what had happened and you almost have an out-of-body experience; you see, feel, and sense it all as in a slow motion, while you're knocking the door abruptly, suddenly gets pulled open and your hand, now well-acquainted and expecting to be meeting the cool wood, now meets Beca's face instead. And meets it hard _._

_Sickeningly hard._

There's quite a pause when your tummy does that nervous swoop, almost disappearing altogether. Your entire body is rigid, positively frozen, not believing what had just happened.

 _Yep, you'd just punched Beca straight in her nose_.

Your mouth's gaping, unable to form words.

Beca's still able, though.

"Fu-Ow-" she softly comments, bringing both hands up so as to hold on to her nose as her eyes start watering. You quickly drop your hand. Your mouth falls open and and your eyes widen.

"Beca! I'm so- _Ohmygod_. I can't believe I actually-"

She quickly steps aside. Her eyes are squeezed shut, face contorted in pain. "Ow!" She says a little louder as she touches her nose tenderly. "I knew you were angry, but I thought the violence would come much, much later." Her voice sounds muffled, almost as if as if she caught a cold all of a sudden.

"It's okay, you can still come in." She says, though a bit warily, noticing you standing there watching her in horror. She then ushers you inside. "I mean, please do come in. I meant to welcome you in an enthusiastic fashion, but…" She closes her eyes, keeping in the tears. "I think I need an icepack for my nose. Possibly even something for a nosebleed I feel coming- no, wait. Yup, there it is. Excuse me for a moment."

She quickly turns, her nose is tenderly pinched between two fingers, her her head tilted backwards while she's moving towards the direction of what you remembered to be the kitchen, leaving you at the entrance to to stare in slight shock after her retreating figure.

That _so_ did not start the way you'd thought it would. You quickly shake your head, trying to regain your senses, then gently close the door and quickly follow after her.

"Becs?" You call out, mystified as your voice echoes throughout the seemingly empty house. You call for her, but really you're at a loss for words and don't know what to say. This is so horribly, horribly awkward. Not to mention wrong. Not exactly the best first step in whichever peaceful direction of reconciliation this whole day was supposed to be going.

You know that you really want to apologize. You _are_ feeling oh so guilty about how it all transpired, but you can't get past seriously doubting that _that_ had actually happened. It's a complex layer added to your already precariously tipping tower of confusing feelings. One good shove and you think you'd crack; another breakdown might be in order.

There should be a flashing sign above your head that says: 'WARNING: under extreme emotional distress-nerves completely shot.' Yup, that was never good for anyone. Even less so now and especially for Beca who, unfortunately, got the brunt of it.

What's more than upsetting as you near the kitchen, is that you find yourself fighting down the strong urge to laugh and you're feeling yourself coming so close to losing it. You think it's an awful combination of nerves and a slight hysterical amusement at how absurd the situation is a true testament to how weird, entirely unbelievable, and, in Beca's case, painfully awkward your interactions were now.

You come up to the kitchen a couple of seconds after Beca. You see the familiar backdrop and can't help but feel comforted and nostalgic all at once. Your eyes sweep across the room, not seeing any changes; it could've been yesterday when you hung out here with Marie as you chatted about Beca over breakfast. You see the familiar 'Marie's special' treat of breakfast food all laid out on the table, and you see Marie herself standing there in her apron and oven mitts.

"What happened!?" Marie asks worriedly, eyebrows knotted together as she's looking up midway through her ongoing breakfast preparations; setting the French toast, then expertly turning over one of the pieces of the frying bacon as she watches Beca rushing to the fridge, pulling out the ice pack and placing it on her face. Marie turns off the stove and moves closer to Beca. She pulls off the ice pack so that she could better assess the damage. Your stomach churns with guilt and a sudden spike of the well-remembered fear from when you were younger and used to get in trouble.

"It was an accident!" You quickly say, practically half-shouting, alerting them of your presence in the room. They both turn to you as you make your way inside. You clear your throat. "It's a very, uh, odd... a very, um, hard to explain story. I mean accident." You say, your voice softening as you answer Marie's curious stare.

"Yes, a complete accident. Chloe mistook my face for the door." Beca comments wryly as she sits down and leans her head back, sighing as she gingerly places the ice pack back on her face, but not before softly refusing Marie's attempts to fuss over her some more. "But, yep. I'm fine, Marie. Sorry to interrupt the breakfast preparations."

More frown lines appear on Marie's face as she looks between the two of you.

"Well, yeah. That's kinda… the gist of it." You breathe out, feeling agitated and wired, jumpy almost.

"Wait, let me see if I understand… what you're saying is that you _accidentally_ hit Beca's face?" She says slowly and you can hear the restraint, see how Marie's trying to look fair. You can see she's holding back any judgement, then shakes her head. "Could you say that again? I don't think I heard that or understood any of it correctly." Marie says, sparing glances whilst proceeding to multitask, resuming from where she left off, and moving quickly while dishing out the food and distributing it onto the platters.

"I was at the door, _knocking,_ you know, ¨cause that's what you're supposed to do," you say, trying but failing to keep your tone light, attempting to lighten the matter up some. You wait a beat for anyone to crack a smile. You know it was a weak attempt, but you can't help the rambling and goofing off in serious moments. "Though, I guess I was doing it a _tad_ bit more enthusiastically, _insistently_ …"

"Impatiently." Beca mutters, Your tummy twists. You push through it, slowly trying to explain away what had happened, so as to plead your innocence to Marie.

"'Cause no one was answering after the first few knocks, and I was getting a bit antsy, also...a little paranoid." Beca snorts and that makes your eyebrow rise; an indication your annoyance is peaked, the next few words come out with a little more attitude.

"...when Beca pulled the door open, and then, like Beca said... it was her face my hand made contact with…" You say, stalling for a little bit only to let it all out in one breath."...Iendedupknockingonheface…"

"Slowly dear, I didn't quite catch that part," Marie requested softly, her tone still patient while half-distracted as she lays the remaining food out, then surveying the table she wipes her hands on her apron before once and for all turning to you.

"I ended up...knockingonherface…" you blurt out, wincing at your choked unintelligible words, no less nervous now that you had Marie's full attention.

Her eyes are patient and kind, encouraging. "Breathe, and now try it again slowly..."

"I ended up…. knocking…. on... her…face…" you confess.

Marie's no less confused, her forehead creases some more as she alternates between looking at her ward and you.

Beca sits up for a moment, long enough to demonstrate it. Balling up her fist, then bringing it to her face in a knocking motion.

The nervous laugh you'd been holding in suddenly bursts free; it escapes without you even meaning it to.

"I'm so sorry," you say, eyes wide when it happens. You try and bite your lip hard to stop, but you can't seem to, because Beca's face is just… _priceless,_ all red and flushed. You're almost impressed at how quickly her face changed color. She's _so_ mad, like freakishly so. You can almost imagine the cartoon-like steam wheezing out of her ears.

At the same time, you can't help but notice that she looks so adorable getting all riled up. Even in its annoyance and embarrassment, she desperately tries to make sure her proud, dignified demeanor still holds up, and yet she fails terribly. She really does look like a little kid, pouting over not getting her way and is on the brink of throwing a tantrum.

You stop for a second, but then there you go again. It doesn't really help in the slightest that as of now there is the addition of what looks to be two cotton swabs stuck way up her bloody nose.

All of a sudden, you hear a choked sound coming from Marie. Both you and Beca turn to her in alarm, your laughter tapers down seeing Marie's flushed face as well,

"You accidentally knocked on Beca's face? Oh dear, that's pretty out there, isn't it?" Pretty soon Marie joins in, laughing heartily and you get another laughing fit mostly from the relief more than anything else. Plus it's always better laughing together with someone else.

Though that's not to be said about the one that's not included, more so the one who was the but of the joke.

Beca's stony face steadily becomes more and more annoyed as she watches you both.

"You do have quite the arm, Chloe. I thought that you two had gotten physical, but she really did _knock_ you about, didn't she, Becky?"

"You could say that 'she didn't know what _hit_ her'!" You add.

"Right on the nose, right on the nose," Marie says.

Between the two of you, you laugh yourselves senseless. Somewhere at the very back of your mind, you do feel like you're not helping at all in alleviating the situation. You wipe away a tear as you both try to catch your breath.

"Are you both about done now?" Beca asks, her face stiff and her voice clipped.

"Sorry, dear." Marie says clearing her throat. "It's just, you don't really… ahem… hear that kinda thing happening often."

"Yeah, because that kind of thing doesn't happen, or rather, it isn't supposed to happen under _normal_ circumstances. Only someone blind, with zero hand-to-eye coordination or the worst reflexes in the history of the world would make that mistake." Beca snaps, effectively jolting your laughter and erasing any calm that had settled.

"Only someone extremely vertically challenged would be of the same striking distance height as my arm." You slam back hard.

" _Beca_ , Chloe, dear…" Marie tries to intervene,

"Only an idiot would continue knocking when they saw the door moving. Yes, the _door_ was moving, not _my_ face… those are two different things if you can't tell."

"Beca Marie Mitchell-" Marie warns with a soft edge to her voice.

"Well, it's easy to get them confused; hard, thick-skinned, wooden and unfeeling. Practically the same thing." You say it under your breath just loud enough to be heard.

You take the seat opposite of Beca. You sit calmly, neither of you looking at the other, and you're still awaiting her comeback, but it never comes. You think Marie's less than pleased countenance is the reason why Beca's holding her tongue. You guess Beca would let it simmer just for a bit. You let a smirk creep onto your face at your little triumph.

"Excuse me, I need another towel or some… other thing." Beca gets up abruptly, pushing her chair so that it scrapes against the floor.

"You should carry your chair, young lady." Marie is quick to reprimand Beca who is equally as quick to follow. She does as asked, but then leaves the room in a huff.

Marie resumes cooking breakfast where she left off while you try your best to appear like everything is going exactly the way it should.

You sit quietly, surrounded by the sounds and smells of the ongoing preparations. You try to find some comfort in it, try to push away the heavy feeling that's settling in your gut, something that felt a lot like remorse.

The seconds stretch as you try and pretend that it's not a tense awkward silence that follows, you open your mouth to attempt to break it, but are beaten to the punch.

"So, long time no see, Chloe dear. You're looking well," Marie says warmly enough, but you notice the expression on her face; a twist to her mouth, a mix of displeasure and something else. She looked ready to chastise you, but behind it was also something, a lingering tiredness and deep sadness.

You immediately feel even more embarrassed, knowing that she had been a witness to all of that, that she had _heard_ all of that You immediately feel bad, sufficiently chagrined. Not entirely about what you had said, mind you, because Beca surely deserved some of it, but that she had to hear you talking smack about Beca. You don't think you can apologize enough to Marie for your behavior. It was easily the worst display of your character and you wonder what Marie thought of you, now that you had not only socked Beca in the face, but had thoroughly badmouthed her as well. In the spirit of moving past it all, though, you try to move forward by carrying a semi-normal conversation.

"You too, Marie. How have you been? I mean, besides what happened just now. I'm hoping there weren't any other lively disturbances to your normal daily activities."

She chuckles tiredly, shaking her head. "I can't say there has been any other that I can think of... and about me, well, I've been better, dear." You open your mouth to reply, but Marie looks like she has more to say, so you stop. "Of course, my body ain't what it used to be, but I still got a lot of fight left in me."

You nod again, stifling the urge to comment, but you do notice that Marie seemed to have lost some weight since the last time you saw her. You feel a flash of worry, feeling partly responsible for the taut lines marring her face and the heaviness in which she carried herself. The worry deepens the more you observe her. Her eyes are withdrawn, dulled and troubled, lost deep in her own thoughts.

"I still have a lot to do, more to take care of before I bite the dust. There are people I need to guarantee that even when I'm gone they'll both be fine, that they'll find happiness… together."

Your ears prick up.

Was she talking about you and Beca? No way! Or was she, maybe, talking about Jesse and Beca?

You open your mouth, not sure how to ask, but Marie seems to be on a roll.

"It's been a difficult road for these two and it almost seems like their problems are never-ending with yet a trickier path up ahead." You can't help the involuntary shiver at her bleak foretelling of this supposedly doomed couple's fate.

"Especially since I know that one of them's too stubborn to admit when she's scared, or when she's helpless. She's the same bullheaded girl that's scared of wanting things too much, because she's convinced that she doesn't deserve to be happy, and who's scared of being attached, of feeling too much and losing control. The one who can't keep a level head and acts out when she's frightened that she's losing someone she loves so dearly. And then there's the other girl-"

' _Wait a minute, she said 'girl', right?'_ You tense all over. What was it that Marie was doing? Did she know about how you really felt about Beca? Was this her way of telling you off? Would she call you out on it and tell you to leave the happy couple alone? To never bother them again?

"This dear girl loves wholly, uninhibitedly, and _selflessly_. I asked her to be patient once," Your head jerks up, startled at her words and their weight. She gives you a half-smile. "...but right now she most likely feels like her patience is running out. It's been tried and tested, and she feels like she's already given too much, and that she's lost part of herself in the process." You feel your breath hitch and your chest tighten.

Marie sits close to you, reaches for your hands and gently holds them in her own. "That girl deserves to be happy. To be set at peace. She- _you_ deserve to know the truth." She taps gently at your hands before releasing them, it doesn't keep them from twitching with renewed anxiety.

Somehow you're not certain how you should react. This is what you wanted right? Answers, the truth. But there are always questions, so many of them. Which or What or even who's truth exactly? And was Marie the one supposed to give or even deliver them?

Marie's eyes are intimidating in their directness, "Chloe, my Becky- _Beca,_ as you know, is a very…" she pauses, looking for an appropriate word, " _complex_ girl, serious and withheld."

' _Uh-huh, that's putting it mildly. On a bad day, Beca sometimes comes off more robot-like or as a mannequin than an actual person.'_ You muse.

She smiles, but it doesn't reach her eyes."She wasn't always this guarded with who she was and with her secrets. Admittedly, she has always been very mature for her age, but in the beginning she was just like any other happy-go lucky girl. Our little Miss Becky." Marie shakes her head while laughing softly, lost in memory lane, remembering a younger, less jaded Beca. You allow a tentative smile to peek out at this.

"She was this wondering, determined, fiery little thing. Passionate with both her loves and hates." Marie lets out a long heavy sigh, longing apparent in her face, "But then to understand her you have to understand that she had an early start in this business. She had to grow up and quickly to meet the demands of her craft to get where she wanted to be, especially as fast as she did."

"And she was dealing with it, having fun with it even and she was in a good place." Her eyes grow hot with anger, with a hint of defeat. "That was until- well, after her Dad had left, she retreated into herself. She became more single minded and even more determined. She wanted to prove something to Cameron, to everyone, to herself." Her voice wavers. "She then began to isolate herself or do without, simple pleasures, and for most of her life she'd closed doors on making connections with people outside of her intimate circle."

"Renee, her mom, was the only one who could ever coax out little glimpses of the old carefree Beca. They were very close." You feel your throat constrict and your eyes water despite the smile you had on, "Becky absolutely _adored_ her, and Renee her." Marie's voice gets choked up, her wise eyes filling with tears, "We were all _devastated_ when she got diagnosed with cancer, but Beca took it the worst. She didn't know how to deal." Marie's voice breaks, giving away her distress as she trembles..

Your first instinct is to run over and comfort her, but Marie holds up a hand to signal she was okay before she continues speaking. "At first she was angry, she didn't want to accept it. She shut us all out and we didn't know how to reach her."

Your heart aches at Marie's words. Perhaps it was you who needed comforting the most, you wish to extend your longing for a comforting contact elsewhere. Maybe even Beca.

"She got over her anger, of course, but she maintained that wall and hid her emotions away. Somehow she'd kept it all bottled in. She put on a brave face, she became a steady support for everyone. She never let that mask off even when she was with Renee."

"Renee always worried about her. She never wanted any of this for Beca. Long before she'd stopped responding to the treatments, she begged me to make sure our girl would be okay. She prayed that Beca wouldn't lose sight of the important things, that she'd somehow find true contentment."

"We lost Renee that same year Becky won her first Grammy and her career started picking up."

You nod along sadly, heart clenching all the more, breath catching. You feel like there's a shard of glass lodged somewhere in your chest. You remember her emotional acceptance speech that year. You remember tearing up at her touching words, the shared pain heavier with knowing that it was the same year you lost your grandfather.

She releases a heavy sigh. "Beca never really got the time to mourn, she merely burrowed herself into more work."

You feel a pang of guilt as you remember yourself to had been one of those people who feared for Beca quitting the limelight, and had hoped and prayed that she wouldn't disappear.

"And for a while it seemed like it was enough; a concert here, an album release there, promotions, guestings. She claimed it was what she needed. Time passed and it got a bit better. Beca was happy somehow, content somewhat with all her hard work _finally_ paying off. She was reaping the benefits and going about her life."

"Until _now_. With The Voice and all the contestants, with all the changes in her life… and _you_ actually being the tipping scale in it all."

You feel a hard jolt. It is almost like a kick to your stomach.

"I'm sorry she's having a hard time with-" you stop yourself and shake your head, wanting to start anew. "I'm sorry I messed up her life," you say, your voice wavering, the guilt you never really let yourself acknowledge is finally breaking to the surface.

"No, no of course you didn't!" Marie comes close, grabbing at your hands and squeezes them. "I wasn't blaming anything on you. How _could_ I? I was _thanking_ you, Chloe." Her eyes shine brightly with unshed tears. "I asked you once to stay, to not go on and disappear on her. A lesser person would have."

' _A smarter, less pathetic person would've_.'You think to yourself, but you shake your head and bite at your lower lip, willing the trembling to stop and for your eyes to stop watering.

"You _stayed,_ and no matter what had happened, you need to know that you've had only the best, positive influence on her; getting her to open up, getting her to stop being so serious and distanced from things. You're letting her _feel_. She almost seems like herself again."

"Marie-," you say weakly, trying to get her to stop, not being able to handle her gratitude and praise. She didn't know that you were so close to giving up.

But her words are reeling you back in against your better judgement.

"And it may not seem like it, but Beca cares. She cares too much. She's not… she feels that if she showed it, it would be a weakness to be used against her. A lot of people have done it before, and even now with Jesse…"

_What was that about Jesse?_

You shake your head. Your mind is too overwhelmed to think anything through, your emotions too heavy to even bear.

"Marie, I don't know-," you pause, " _Why_ are you telling me all this?"

She looks to you with a deep sadness, and at that very moment you know she knows. Somehow you already know what's she's asking of you.

"She's difficult and headstrong, and she takes a while, but she does come in her own time, and I know that she cares about you very deeply. I'm just begging for you to see it through. It's not completely hopeless," she pleads desperately.

"I just-," you sigh, "It's all complicated right now, with Beca and I."

"Why should it be? You care about her." She smiles that sly, conspiring, _knowing_ smile.

"I don't-"

"You're _in love_ with her." You shiver delicately as the words were spoken out loud, your truth finally all out in the open. Marie smiles sadly. Her expression not leaving room for you to even try denying it.

_She knew. About you... how you felt and she didn't hate you for it._

"And Becky isn't as indifferent to your affections as it might seem. She loves you and needs you more than you even know, Chloe."

Your heart beats wildly not knowing how to take the words in, whether to believe them or not. On one hand Marie's the one who truly knows Beca, who sees all, and Marie isn't cruel enough to give you false hope, but on the other hand there's no more room in your life for bitter disappointment. It had to come from Beca herself, nothing more and nothing less.

"I appreciate what you're sharing about Beca, I really do, but I just can't… do… She- I honestly don't… know what I want to happen anymore."

The situation was messy, Beca was messed up, and you were _beyond_ messed up now. Invested, despite and inspite of it all.

"The two of you can work this out. Well, it's mostly Beca that has a lot to work on."

You don't know what alerts you of her presence. There may have been this prickle of heat, or electricity, or the feeling you get whenever you felt her eyes on you, but then you quickly look from Marie to the doorway that Beca had previously exited from, expecting nothing, only to find the subject of your conversation and her stormy blue eyes standing there once again.

And such a storm those dark eyes promised. If one were to look closely they'd see swirling of a thousand different emotions, all strong and thundering. All miraculously yet just barely kept in check.

"Oh, don't mind me. Do carry on. I'm glad you're not wasting time before you catch up on the latest Beca gossip." Beca says glibly, though her face is twisted in anger.

You and Beca share a loaded glance and you're desperately trying to smother your panic. Did she hear everything? It seems not, for all you can read in her is anger laced with what seems like a similar shade of your own panic reflected there. You aren't certain and Beca quickly turns the direction of her gaze, now focusing on looking harshly at Marie.

"Beca, honey, I was just trading pleasantries with Chloe. We were just catching up."

"Exchanging pleasantries now means comparing notes about how much of a screw up I am, I suppose. Also, yes, my nose is fine, thank you both for caring enough to ask." Beca says. You let out a breath of air, relieved that Beca had only seemed to hear the last part of the conversation. She stomps angrily into the room causing quite the ruckus.

"I thought the ice pack would've cooled you down by now." You try going back to teasing and and being funny again, anything to cover up how scared you'd been for a moment at Beca hearing that you were in love with her.

"Yeah, I'm glad to know this is all a huge effing joke to you." Beca says before slumping into the chair furthest from you. With that being said, you know she's making a supreme effort to keep her anger in check if she's withholding from swearing.

"You can tone down the attitude, young lady, Chloe apologised. We're sorry we laughed Becky."

"Well in case any of you failed to notice, I'm still in pain-"

' _Crybaby!'_ You think with some sly amusement.

"And we were talking, so thanks for interrupting." You say answering back just as snidely.

"Well, I don't appreciate the two of you talking about _me_ behind my back," Beca says swiftly getting to her feet, pushing her chair so violently it topples over. She quickly, somewhat shakily lifts it back up.

"Would you rather we do so with you in the room?" You ask sarcastically.

"Girls! What is with the two of you?!" Marie asks chastising, and instead of heeding the warning tone and bowing out, the two of you continue quarreling, one advancing upon the other.

"She started it! She _punched_ me-"

"'Strongly knocked' are the words I would use, and also like I said, it was an _accident_. I was aiming for the door, your face just got in the way."

Somehow the trivial fighting of it all made more sense. It felt and made things easier. It was easier than dealing with the heavier emotions that threatened to completely overwhelm you with each passing second.

"You're not even acting apologetic!" Beca huffed.

"Well, I am!"

"Yes, your loud, obnoxious hyena laughter was the perfect proof of that!"

"Well, I _was_! However, the feeling's completely faded away now." You grit out.

"Would the two of you please act your ages?!" Marie finally bursts, putting her foot down. Her 'I've had it' commanding voice effectively silencing the both of you.

"Sorry, Marie." You and Beca chorus chagrined.

"Two full grown adults hashing it out like a bunch of five year olds." Marie adds. You chance a glance at Beca who's looking resolutely at the ground, when her gaze flickers over she narrows her eyes at you while you roll your eyes in silent retaliation.

"Now the two of you apologize to each other like the mature people I know you to be."

"Why do I need to-" Beca protests astounded, her mouth hanging open. You scoff loudly. Marie looks like she can't believe her ears.

"She's our _guest_ -"

Beca's eyes cut to you, forthright in her anger.

"And last time I checked guests don't hassle the hosts, or overstay or even abuse their welcome. Like seriously, not even past the door and you immediately mess things up!" You feel your body tense, your face pale, hands grow clammy and colder in response.

"Beca-" Marie warns too late.

"Fine, I'll leave then." You say keeping your voice low, devoid of any emotion. "You forget I came here, because you wanted a chance to explain." You say with hopefully a level of dignity, standing up steadily, glad that your legs weren't as shaky as how you felt inside.

You face the floor, not needing anyone to see how desperately you were holding back from crying. You feel a hand- _hers-_ reaching to take hold of your arm, but you yank it away.

"It was really great seeing you Marie, and thanks for setting all of that. I can't- I don't know why I even came. This was a waste of time. I have to go-," you stammer out before your throat closes up and betrays you, feeling foolish when you still get the tiny twist of regret in your belly. It's tiny, but it's still there.

You push it away. You quicken your steps, wanting to put as much distance between Beca and you as possible.

You don't get far, though. You've barely walked three steps when you hear footsteps. You break into a brisk walk now.

"Chloe- No, wait! I'm so- stop! Can you _please_ stop?!" You speed up, running now, ignoring her. Her pleading goes on till you're by the door.

"Chloe. Shit. I'm _sorry,_ alright? I fucked up!"

Determination is coursing through you as your hand's prying the door open, foot ready to step out, door banging loudly against the wall during your less than graceful exit.

"Don't you walk away from me!" You can hear the raw emotion in her voice. Something like agony, or maybe desperation, that's suddenly there. It startles you, jerks your head involuntarily to stop, to look, to face her direction.

Her face is strained and she's breathing hard, almost heaving. Her eyes, normally so steely and piercing, are soft around the edges, red and watery.

You continue to observe her while waiting. The both of you are just there at another standoff. An almost silent, if not for the heavy breathing of you both, yet a less dramatic one. It's more of a final call, the time to show cards. To give up and let things play out as they should. To let things be or to see them finally fall into place.

"You... can't just walk away leaving everything unresolved." she says, almost breathes out, sounding desperate.

You feel laughter once again forming, but this one's a dry bitter one. This one's harsh and cutting.

" _Wow_. Seriously? That's fucking rich coming from you!" You all but spit out. "You're my mentor, right? Don't you think I'm doing a good job following in your footsteps, Coach Mitchell?"

She winces, but her eyes remain closed tightly. "Don't-!" She starts.

"Don't _what_?" You ask.

Beca's eyes burst open. "Please, don't start… I don't want to do this anymore." Her voice wavers.

"Then stop aggravating me! Stop setting me off!" You flounder once again, biting back a harsher comeback, feeling a whiplash at her sudden change in demeanor.

You hear more than see her take several quick steps closer, and then she stands within inches of you. The suddenness and the overwhelming effect of her proximity startles you into silence and makes you back up. Your back's against the wall or the door in this case both in the literal and figurative case.

"I don't want to keep having all these meaningless, petty, stupid little fights," she breathes raggedly. Her hot moist breath and her warmth is washing over you, crowding you.

' _Then why do you keep starting them?'_ Bubbles at the top of your tongue.

"Out fights are stupid and meaningless to you now?" You say, though at this point you're just scrambling to regain your confidence. You're trying to act like none of this, none of what Marie had said and what Beca was doing, was getting to you.

"No- no, of course they _mean_ something. I just… can we stop doing this? I don't know what's up with us. Why does every conversation immediately take a turn for worse? I mean, why must we always- why do all our interactions seem so off? This used to be-" she pauses, searching for the right word.

" _Easier_ …" you exhale, completing her sentence and she slowly nods, her eyes not leaving yours. Both of you start talking at the same time.

"Chlo-"

"Bec-"

You stop and nod at her to speak first, she swallows before speaking.

"I was being an idiot-"

"Finally something we agree on," you mutter.

Beca holds her hand up, though, insisting she wasn't finished yet. "A complete pigheaded insensitive ass. And Aubrey was right, you're better off staying away."

"You've got that completely right; two for two," you say. You notice her mouth twitch and yours does too.

"But excluding the last part of the sentence, you gotta admit that as far as being an ass goes, which you so were, you were being a complete meanie."

"Hey!" You protest. As she raises an eyebrow, you close your mouth. You guess she was right; there were a hundred better ways you both could've handled the situation earlier.

"We've become completely inept asses at this whole talking thing. We used to be able to talk…" she stops. Bea clears her throat, rubs her nose and sighs as her voice wavers. "And now we- well I- I just can't seem to say or do the right thing, or anything to _and_ by you anymore. It's not you… it was never you. Marie's right, I'm the one who keeps messing up," she says, her voice tight.

You don't want to point fingers anymore. It hurts, because it's true, and with the new development in your relationship you started to waver in the ways that had made you bond and become close in the first place.

Now all your conversations jumped into deep serious waters, what with the both of you struggling. Beca with her fronts and her barriers, and you being overly emotional made things worse, ending with both being hurt instead of being open to the other. Your defensive walls and maneuvers, Beca closing up or acting out and you being an emotional wreck, constantly kept getting in the way.

"It's just things are... different than before. Have been for quite a while now, I guess." You say.

_That's quite the understatement._

"I know, but through it all, I hoped…" she cuts herself off. "I hoped we'd still be us. I mean we're Beca and Chloe, right?"

She looks to you almost in a confirmation, as if asking if that was still a thing. If it meant anything. If it carried any profound weight.

Beca and Chloe.

Chloe and Beca.

Beca.

Chloe.

Those girls could very well be complete strangers to you right now.

It takes you a second to nod in agreement, though what else could you have done? You have been starting to doubt things, because of how confusing and messed up everything had become, and because, more often as of late, the path that had once been so clear - you getting together with Beca obviously being the end game - all seemed way too unrealistic.

Lately, _everything_ kept getting in the way, obscuring, blocking and fogging it all up, and Beca sensing and just knowing, being more aware of that, answered her own question.

"We can still be us. I know we're still us. Y'know, despite everything that has gotten in the way…" she breathes heavily and has an unsure smile on now. She lets out an equally unsure chuckle.

"I hate to sound so… needy or whatever, but can I just say: I'm standing here right now. The truth is, I just really missed this, just being near you- as I always do." She reaches for your hand, but thinks better of it and just clenches her hand, letting it fall to her side. She rubs her face, looking very uncomfortable after her confession. She looks to you and her face changes colors. You're not sure what expression she sees in your face to make it change so.

Was it impassive? Unimpressed?

Somehow you'd gotten better at concealing your true emotions. Her eyes are boring into yours trying to get a read on you.

"I'm sorry, I sound so damn cheesy. Like something straight out of a Nicholas Sparks movie trailer," she mutters but then shrugs. You almost smile. "But I'll plow through all this just so I can be completely honest. I'm trying not to be a total complete wreck. I hadn't really gotten much sleep as I was thinking everything over. Plus, it's always harder when you're actually here in front of me..."

You nod in understanding, a signal for her to go ahead and to get to the point, to cut her rambling short.

"Whenever I'm away, when I'm not with you, everything feels..." she takes a shaky breath, her throat bobbing, " _Less_. Less happy, less bright, just less… _I_ _feel_ _less_ , sorta incomplete. I felt it so strongly when I was in England which is weird 'cause I never get homesick anymore. Travelling, as you know, is part of the perks of the job. It's the being away from someone, the yearning, or pining for someone that's somewhat new to me. I haven't had someone that I'd want to come home to so _badly_ in a while. I meant it when I said it then, and I mean it even more so now. I really _miss_ us. I miss us being together, and how easy and just so right everything felt when I had you by my side."

"I do-" ' _do too'_ leaps unboundedly to your mind. You tamper down the yearning, holding yourself together. "-not know what to say…" You recover.

"You don't have to say anything. Just, _please_ , stay. I invited you here, because I really wanted us to talk," she smiles wryly, "And look, we're finally getting around to doing it. 'Twas a rough start, but I think we're on to something." She half whispers.

You feel your eyelids flutter shut for a mere second, immersing yourself in her words, breathing them in. What she had just said, as well as the tone she said it in, pitched low, is having quite the effect on you. Its making you feel loose, and gooey also _kind of_ _weak_. Your eyes lazily open to make direct contact with hers. At the same time you both seem to notice how close in proximity you were to one another and for a moment you're sure her eyes drop down to your lips. Her gaze seems to fall even lower to where your shirt is scooped just a little too low. Your throat feels dry, then her eyes raise to yours again,

Her eyes are piercing yours and you lose yourself in those dark blues, heart speeding then almost stopping altogether at seeing her pupils blown open. You feel your breath hitch.

A sound of someone clearing their throat is heard from somewhere behind you pulling you from your Beca-induced haze. You turn, a young-ish lady you don't recognise with platinum blonde hair and secretary glasses stands there, looking unsurely between the two of you.

"Miss Beca, we need um- the designs need your approval."

Beca takes a deliberate step away from you and merely nods in acknowledgement. "Okay, Francine, I'll be there." She looks mildly annoyed, but also relieved for some reason. Francine smiles, then leaves in the direction of the living room. Beca looks after her for a moment, then exhales heavily, letting out a long gust of air.

"So, we can… continue that later. The serious stuff will have to wait till then," She says to you, coming close once more, reaching out to tuck a loose strand of hair behind your ear. She hesitates slightly before she continues to cup your face, her fingers lightly caressing your jaw.

You're holding your breath, feeling your skin tingle and heat up in response to her touches before the both of you seem to come to your senses. You all but pull your face away and she quickly drops her hand before stepping backwards, putting more space between you.

' _Why later?'_ Your thoughts betray you, making you aware of your true feelings. You can't help wanting all the answers right here and now, a couple of other things as well as you find yourself taking your own turn at leering, greatly appreciating Beca's house clothes; shorts and a crop grey tee, liking what was on display, her toned tummy and her flawless legs.

She is sporting a long awaited half smirk when your eyes return to her face. You have it in you to blush, but you don't feel guilty for it.

_The girl sure does know how to build up anticipation like no other._

"I have more pressing stuff to attend to. Not that I'm saying that our talk isn't important, of course it is, but I really feel like we need to get some light stuff done first. I don't want the drama overload. I'll just go and continue setting up everything for later. I'll leave you here so you can relax," she allows a half-smile to appear on her face.

"Please, despite the less than warm welcome, do make yourself at home; chat with Marie and enjoy breakfast. It's just the start of the fun and the exciting festivities for the day," she says hurriedly, sounding quite breathless with a hot blush of anticipation painting her cheeks.

You quirk your eyebrow, bemused at her energy and her sudden burst of excitement.

"So I'll just… go. I'll be back, okay?" She says unnecessarily and you're not sure who she's trying to reassure anymore.

"Okay," you say. Your voice is suddenly small and you're feeling a little disappointed as she maneuvers another supposedly quick exit, but you needn't worry. A beat of a second later and she's still there, hesitating, waiting, rocking in place, and gnawing at her lip. Perhaps she's deciding on doing or acting on something.

You feel your heart rate speed up, and you raise an eyebrow questioningly when her eyes meet yours.

"Can I- would it be okay for me to ask something of you?" You shrug, not quite knowing what to expect.

"Would it be okay if I hugged you?" She says, sporting a cute pink on her cheeks, opening her arms expectantly, as a hopeful smile appears. Your heart jumps in your chest a little.

"Um, a hug?" You respond, unprepared for that.

"'Cause I really missed that, too. Besides the person giving them, of course " She says teasingly and a little wistfully, all the while coming closer. You don't know why you're frozen in place. Actually you know perfectly well why. Somehow you know you wouldn't be able to control yourself if she held you closely, if she wrapped you up in her arms. You'd get overwhelmed by the feelings triggered by her warmth and smell and everything Beca, and you'd weaken once again. Everything you'd been holding back, the feelings of missing her and wanting her would break free and overwhelm everything else.

And that wouldn't help at all...this was a time for discussing things, not giving way to wants and desires and acting with lust, that would only send you guys two steps backwards.

"Well I'm not quite-", you flounder for words, anything to stop her from coming closer, you opt for the truth, "I'm not ready for that." You quickly spit out, which successfully stops her approach. Her arms come down then settle limply at her sides.

"And that's totally understandable...okay." she scratches the back of her head, the both of you just stand there fidgeting in place, but Beca then reaches out and settles for a very awkward arm pat which after a second, you return. Your eyes meet and you both look away quickly, a blush painting high on your faces.

"So I'll catch up in a bit. There's just a few last minute preparations that I need to attend to." Beca says, sending one last tentative smile before making her way up the stairs.

"Hey Becs." You find yourself calling out a few seconds in,

She backtracks quickly two steps. "Hmm?" she asks. She waits expectantly. You want to say something. To beg her to start telling you everything. To ask her to stay there and talk, to stay in the moment. (The most natural you'd felt around her since she'd come back.)

"I-never got to ask, how's the nose?" you ask instead, allowing another obvious but no less important concern to leak through.

But it, the explanation slash confrontation would come later, you had the whole day. Besides there was no rushing such a thing.

"Well I can still use it, breathe through it properly -though it is a bit congested." she deadpans.

It does look better, only slightly swollen and the redness barely visible.

"That's the cotton getting in the way," you tease.

"You could've used a tampon, Channing Tatum's character in 'She's the Man' swears by them."

She cracks a smile, "You mean Duke Orsino? It was actually Viola or Amanda Bynes who actually said it cause she gets really bad nose bleeds."

You laugh in delighted surprise. "Wait, you said you _hadn't_ watched it."

She tentatively scratches at her nose looking sheepish before smiling,

"Don't look so surprised, I remember it being one of your guilty pleasures under a long line of other Amanda Bynes films ...I actually watched it after you mentioned it to me that one time. More than once... I can actually quote it.."

She lowers her voice." Oh, yeah, I uh, borrowed one of your... yeah... and you're right, they really do work." She does a grade A imitation of Channing himself, quickly getting into character you almost don't reply. You forget sometimes she was an academy award nominee... you have to go all in giving as good as it gets.

"Oh my god you're hurt…" you say a la Viola but clear your throat and rough your voice all Sebastian-like, "I mean, suck it up, be a man and rub some dirt on it. You say complete with exaggerated actions. Beca's eyes shine with amusement and something dear, like affection or was it adoration, something you'd dearly missed.

"Okay, I'll rub some dirt in it." Beca says laughingly, "Ow.", she says, "Don't make me laugh." she says holding her nose, while trying to control her giggles, "And I think I deserved it anyway." she said echoing that phrase from the last time she had gotten hurt while with you, the guilt settles in more strongly.

 _God_. It seemed like all you did was hurt her and her you(Both physically and emotionally) You had the most dysfunctional of relationships, the two of you were toxic to each other, like the worst of vices-both addictive and destructive.

"Not this time, no." you admit, "It was me, me and my ill-timed knocking. I really am sorry for it."

For many things- for everything. For all the times you'd hurt her. Gotten angry with her and let your anger reign over your every rash action.

Not that this meant she was off the hook or completely forgiven. Time would only tell if or when she would succeed in winning your trust back.

This merely meant that you acknowledged how badly, how rash the both of you had acted regarding everything with rational thinking giving way to negative thoughts and actions. Marie was right, the both of you had _a lot_ to work through in order to patch things up. All this would only start when you went about it like mature individuals.

You needed to get this day right on track, "Anyways, I'll leave you to finish the preparations if you need anything I'll just be...here."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I'm not going anywhere. You're stuck with me…" she looks so hopeful then, happy at your words, it makes something clench harshly, almost painfully inside you. But it's too early, it's too much to promise at the moment, and so you add. "I still haven't gotten my answers yet." It's to remind her and yourself what had to be done, if you wanted to move forward to whatever outcome was best for the both of you.

She looks nervous all of a sudden, it's there in the quick shift in her eyes but she meets yours and she seems to calm.

She nods with a slight, promising smile does that arm pat again then runs up the stairs.

 

* * *

You wander back to the kitchen without the trepidation you had earlier, feeling slightly more hopeful for what lay ahead. 

Marie's observing you as you enter. She has an eyebrow raised in observation, questioning without saying anything-you see where Baca gets it.

You smile and she does as well, the both of you visibly relaxing.

"So-what will you be having?"

"Oh I'll definitely have some of the french toast Marie, thanks." You reply feeling more normal having everything underway.

You continue to idly chat with Marie sticking to much lighter topics as you're still feeling a bit shaken from what she'd said earlier, how on point she was with everything on your side of the scale but you're wondering how right she was about Beca…it sounded like her…and yet…you have yet to understand or hear this from Beca herself.

That's what you would have to ask later in your free-for-all questioning, with Beca's once in a lifetime no holds bar offer.

You await the moment with something akin to tense excitement.

"So I understand you'll be having a full blown slumber party-" Marie says pulling you away from your thoughts.

"Yup-I thought it'd just be a pool party but I guess the girls wanted to go all out…"

You can't say you're overly surprised, though you hadn't anticipated it and made the rookie mistake of forgetting to bring a change of clothes. Aside from the clothes on you, you only had your bathing suit and your towel. You quickly shrug that thought away. You had  far more pressing things to worry about, and its not like the lack of clothes ever stopped you from having a good time. You'd like to think you actually had more fun without the pesky hindrances of clothing - you wonder if you could convince Beca of this later

"Not that you heard it from me, but Beca's _really_ excited about it." Marie reveals, eyes twinkling with mischief.

You panic for a moment, thinking that Marie had somehow heard your pervy thoughts.

You recover smoothly but somehow can't suppress the tell-tale tint of red coating your cheeks as you reply, "Yeah, it's surely going to be a fun night. It's what the girls talked about the entire night leading up to this morning."

"Um, but...between you and me, Chloe, I think she really will need your help. She was on the verge of hiring a special interior designer from abroad, and an events manager just so she could ensure the perfect sleepover…" she whispers conspiratorially.

 _Okay, that was a bit much_ you muse.

"I'll be happy to help, though, I'm sure it's not _that_ bad-"

"You mustn't speak too soon." Marie says, eyes wide but laughing lightly.

* * *

 

After breakfast your feet carried you to where Beca was overseeing the preparations, truly curious to see what exactly Marie was going on about. You follow on as Marie leads the way up the same flights of stairs Beca had disappeared off to earlier which in turn leads down a long stretch of a hallway to a half floor living room area.

You're at the edge of your seat, expectant yet feeling oddly nervous. You're sure you have no reason to be... until you catch sight of Beca running this way and that, surrounded by a dozen or so people, running like her tail was on fire-like she was readying for some big awards show. Seeing all that wasn't helping your nerves any.

And Marie was right, this was a bit, how would you say it, _over the top_. Kinda like what a conceptualized version of a sleepover in those chick flicks would be (the kind that was never legit enough) made for magazines, showcases to be looked at and not for actual people to have actual fun in, much less sleep in.

Also aside from that, it's like the room had been puked on by the giraffe from ToysR Us or maybe a sleepover fairy, if that made any sense. Each surface was filled with toys, gadgets and all sorts of knick knacks for any activity that you could associate with a sleepover.

It's like Beca had searched up sleepover ideas on Google and just bought into everything she saw and subsequently bought everything as a result.

"She's acting like a kid out on her first sleepover…" you can't help but comment later. An enamored giggle escapes you, you're inwardly shaking your head at yourself and your attraction to complete goofballs. You're completely awestruck as you watch Beca get adorably worked up, getting into a heated discussion with Francine (who was, apparently, Beca's long time interior designer) for what seems like half an hour on what kind of pillows were best for pillow fights- if they were to happen (most likely it would, she had a schedule of activities to follow according to Marie.)

Marie's silence speaks volumes.

"Wait… _is_ this her first time? Her first official sleepover?"

Beca chooses that moment to come over, leaving Francine and her staff moving further down the room, disappearing into what might be a bathroom. Beca's looking to you, holding up her last two choices of pillows.

"Am I a sleepover virgin you mean?" she says clearly hearing the tail end of the conversation, the both of you end up smiling, amused at her colorful use of words. Marie doesn't seem to share the same sentiment and excuses herself.

"Did I do something?" you ask, watching as Marie speedily walks away.

"No. The topic of anything remotely sexual pertaining to me kinda puts her off. Marie will forever view me as that adorable, innocent kid." she says, tucking a pillow under each arm.

"Oh, how times have changed."

She narrows her eyes at you but her lip twitches amusedly-not that you noticed cause you were distractedly staring at her lips or anything.

"Are you contesting my innocence or my being adorable?" She ask as those same pretty pink lips move into a smirk.

You look away just so you could meet her equally enticing eyes when you teasingly shoot her down. "Both."

She doesn't get deterred, her lips and her eyes brighten, both seeming to smile. "Well, yes, I'm no longer the doe eyed little girl, but I'd like to think maturity did me well. I'm no longer _just_ adorable-I'm filthy hot." she smirks cockily, around a wink.

Those prove to be a very lethal combination on her. You're almost annoyed at your body's immediate reaction, flushing all over.

"You're lucky puberty came around and worked wonders." you say, not mustering enough strength for it to be an effective enough comeback. Seriously no one could blame you at that moment for that little slip of weakness.

You fall into a comfortable silence that Beca is first to break.

"I'm sure we were engaged in a different topic. Weren't we talking about something of importance earlier, something far more mentally stimulating?" she pretends to ponder.

"The government's efforts to reduce terrorism? Climate change?" you offer, playing along. She laughs, eyes dancing, enjoying your easy banter.

"Yeah no. The life changing issue that you wanted to ponder...You asked if I was a sleepover virgin?" she smiles.

"Well, are you?" you prompt.

"Yes." she sighs. "Well except for you, when you came over but that didn't... really... count."

"I'm not good enough for you. Was I just something to keep you warm?" you tease, but you feel an uncomfortable lump building in your throat at how true it rang, remembering the bigger issue looming ahead. You feel the painful thickness there, finding it hard to swallow, feeling guilty for enjoying this, Beca's presence, at all.

Your thoughts, your feelings, everything about you that's already conflicted, surrenders briefly to your growing doubts, your fears. They are circling, crowding around the quiet hopeful voice in your head. Overpowering it. Fighting, shouting to be heard.

_She betrayed you._

But she said she would tell you the truth.

_That doesn't erase what she's done._

You don't even know the entire story.

_What's to say she wouldn't make up another story to appease you._

Your head hurts. You close your eyes against earnest blues. You're so tired of fighting, always waging an internal battle with yourself. The urge to get away from that moment, from Beca feels overwhelming and strong-the change in you something Beca immediately senses.

You hear as she drops one pillow and takes your hand cautiously. You feel her lift it to press something warm and soft, something that trembles- _her lips_ \- gently, reverently against them. You open your eyes and see her head bent low over your hand, she glances up and meets your eyes. She seems reluctant but she pulls herself away, straightening up. But her hand remains where it is, and you are grateful. It's what is tethering you to that moment, pulling you away from the doubtful, angry voices in your head.

And there's also her shiny eyes, promising answers.

Patience. _Stay._ they say.

_Trust me._

_Please_ they beg in unspoken plea.

Beca clears her throat. "I just meant, it's different with a group." she squeezes your hand before she lets go completely.

"Yup, I understood and yep, I figured this was your first time. A monumental moment of sorts." you laugh, still feeling heavy, somewhat stilted.

"Yeah." She smiles timidly as she shrugs.

The moment of silence that follows is yawning compared to the one earlier on.

Out of the corner of your eye Beca moves, she nudges you. She holds up the two pillows, her eyes plead for your help. You grab one, the not too firm rubber pillow and forgo the feather pillow.

She pouts and you feel your chest loosen just the tiny bit.

"Aw-Now that's no fun. Judge me all you like for setting women back and all that but when I imagined my first pillow fight during our first ever sleepover there were feathers flying."

"You mean like this?" you say and grab said pillows before whacking them forcefully together- right over Beca. You may have been a little too enthusiastic, you underestimated your own strength, not expecting the feathers to go flying everywhere. You see the appeal now, watching the feathers getting all over Beca, tangling up in her hair. She tries to scowl but she looks so jubilant, eyes wide and sparkling, watching the feathers floating this way and that. Your delighted laughter escapes you and she soon joins in, the combination of joyous tunes alleviates whatever leftover heaviness and tension you had from earlier on.

She does, however, yank the pillows from your gasp.

"Hey. You have to save those for later!" she says sternly.

You can't help the giggle that bubbles out. You roll your eyes playfully.

"C'mon I'll get in on this before you burst a vessel from overthinking." you tease before you hear a huge, collective gasp coming from behind you. You see the group of people, Francine's staff (that you've somehow forgotten) finally back from wherever they'd wandered of to, staring wide eyed at the mess. You stare back guilty.

"Sorry. The pillows, I didn't expect them to just burst like that." you apologise. They seem to get over their initial shock as they smile with what seems like understanding. They accept your apology and don't make a big deal out of it, already retrieving the special materials to work on cleaning up.

"Those feather pillows really should carry a warning on them, marked as explosive or something." you whisper to Beca, "Also let's start by giving the people a little break or even letting them off for the day."

"No, that's okay guys." you interrupt the staff before they even start, "I'll clean that. We've got it from here."

The clean up crew checks with Beca first.

Beca looks unsure, but you try smiling in what you hope is a reassuring way. "Have faith." you murmur. She gets this worried look on her face before she nods decisively.

You hug the pillow(or what's left of it) to yourself as you watch as Beca exchanges a couple of words with Francine before thanking her. Her interior designer actually looks relieved to finally be let go.

She sports a fond smile when she bids her farewell, "That was pretty gruesome Miss Beca. But I'm sure I'm leaving you in the right hands." she says kissing Beca on the cheek and sending a wink your way.

"Now, now Francine. We agreed to lose the title, it's just Beca. You knew me when I used to have Barbar the Elephant posters and jungle animal wallpapers up in my room."

"You say that like that was so long ago when that was literally just five years ago." Francine is quick to reply. Beca flushes.

"Didn't you say you were anxious to leave?" she says narrowing her eyes at her.

"And miss embarrassing you in front of a friend, this is like a once in a blue moon thing. You never have people over, it's maybe even as rare a sighting as the Halley's comet."

"Okay, you've just implied that not only am I a friendless loser, but a friendless loser who is weirdly unable to let go of her childhood."

"Do you not see where we are, this is like a shrine for that missed childhood. You have issues-" you look to Beca to see if she took any offense but she's smiling.

"That I do know. Now you better go before I decide I could do without you as a friend as well as an Interior designer."

"Well, I do need the job, but there are others out there who would appreciate my genius better, like Chloe here," Francine says putting on pretend airs whilts clapping an arm to your back, "when you win and make it big, I get dibs on decorating your first estate." She says, smiling broadly.

"Anywho, Gotta dash my devotees await me." You catch Beca rolling her eyes, exasperated amusement evident, before Francine obscures your view completely, pulling you into a hug.

"It was nice to meet you, Chloe. I'm a fan by the way, you're what Beca desperately needed-" she whispers intimately, you feel your ears heat up, "-for the team." she adds like she'd forgotten, and somehow you knew she was doing it on purpose.

Francine takes her team with her and the rest filter out as well, leaving Beca and you alone.

"She seems nice. That's quite an interesting dynamic you two have. She's got me curious about your history. You guys seem close, how'd that come about?"

"Sorry about her." Beca nods somewhat distractedly, trying to come up with the right words to describe it,"She's like the older sister I never asked for."

"Or maybe the annoying, single, 'think she's so cool aunt'. Yeah that's more like it, it fits-she's actually in her forties, she keeps healthy."

"I never would've guessed. She could pass for our age. I guess you guys have superior genes or something?" you tease, Beca shakes her head and smiles gently.

"Oh. We're not really related, though it seems like it sometimes. I kind of inherited her along with the other members of the house staff when my Mother-" she clears her throat and presses on, "She's the closest to me in age so we usually get on well, if not for her sudden penchant for embarrassing me in front of important people."

"I'm just people?" you can't resist playfully asking.

"You ignored the word 'important'." Beca answers seriously but with a tiny twinkle to her eyes, "As in important- special-to me." She leaves you gaping there, not expecting or needing a response. You were still unaccustomed to this side of Beca. It was nice, almost scary, how truly open she was being.

The two of you walk around before deciding to settle down on one of the living room beds. Beca sits gingerly on the sofa bed, trying not to dislodge any pillows while you try jumping onto it and nearly falling off underestimating how bouncy it was. _Was this a waterbed?_

You're looking round at the overly crowded area which was now converted to a sleepover pillow fort slash showcase room complete with state of the art entertainment system; ready for either karaoke, Wii, Rockband and an array of PlayStation games catering to everyone from _Grand Theft Auto_ to _Call of Duty_ , to _Mario kart_. There's a candy corner and assorted snacks table. You see plenty of stuff you don't recognise, you also see something that looked suspiciously like an inflatable bouncy house.

"So this is a lot of stuff...where do we sleep?"

"Who said anything about sleeping?" she says waggling her brows, her smile curling devilishly as she leans in.

"What-How do you mean?" you stutter out and just barely hold back a blush.

"Oh. I think you _know_ what I mean." she says her eyes smouldering, her voice dropping low, biting at her lip deliberately teasing. You fight to keep your face stoic, you think you were somewhat successful till she laughs lowly, eyes bright and knowing.

"You're very annoying," You let out an exasperated sigh, "Completely insufferable." you add, and she pulls back, laughing still. "I barely put up with you." you finish and she scoffs disbelievingly. You bite back a smile.

"I heard that in sleepovers, the fun part is the not the sleeping aspect of it. We'll have so many fun activities to keep us preoccupied, sleep will be the last thing on our minds."

"Did you read this in a sleepover manual somewhere?"

"There's a manual?" she asks stricken, brows furrowed, eyes wide. It's your turn to laugh.

"There's none but I'm sure that didn't stop you from researching and planning every little aspect of today." you tease.

"So, I'm thorough. Sue me." she grumbles. You playfully nudged her.

"Nothing wrong with being thorough but planning everything to a tee, it leaves very little space for spontaneity...and also I highly doubt we'll be able to do all this within today." you suggest rationally but softly, not wanting to dampen Beca's spirit.

"I may have gone slightly overboard." She muses.

"You think?" you respond.

She laughs before moving to plop herself down beside you, the bed continues to move after she'd settled down.

You let your eyes drift shut as you both lay comfortably still, it's calming, it's nice hearing your breath synching up to each other's, to feel her soft warmth near you, here with you. Solid and whole. You feel the bed move again. You open you eyes to see her on her side facing you. You mimic her, turning to your side and observe her, observing you.

"What?" you murmur around a yawn, feeling conscious as she continues to stare without saying anything, letting a small smile stretch across her face.

"Do I have something on my face?" you ask consciously.

She shakes her head, her smile growing.

"You want to tell me what's so funny then?"

"Nothing's funny. I'm just... _happy_. I'm happy you're here, that's all."

You bite back a smile. "It's the least I could do, it turns out I made the right decision-you do need _all_ the help you can get. I arrived right on time."

"Time. " her eyes widen, "wait a minute, what's the time now?"

"Eight oh two?"

Beca jumps up and starts being her on-the-edge, overly frazzled self again, plumping a pillow here and straightening a cushion there.

"It's still pretty early-you've still got four hours to go." you say, moving to sit up.

She shakes her head and starts pacing,

"That's three hours and fifty eight minutes, there's no time to rest. I need to check up on the food-you think the girls have any special preferences for dessert? And you think the bbq is enough and the pasta and the sushi platter-I know I should have hired a caterer for the night. What if they want to go mexican? Maybe I should have Marie making fajitas or something?" she says almost in one breath.

Your eyebrows raise high into your forehead. _Woah girl. Slow down_. One at a time. Beca was getting way ahead of herself.

"Why are you stressing so much over this." you say, amusement fading a little when her face tightens. Your feel your own smile wavering, feeling unsettled seeing Beca looking so anxious, desperate even.

"I just-It has to be _perfect_...I really want to make up for everything ...I can't afford to mess this up." She confesses. It eats at you, makes you want to comfort her, hold and squeeze her hand badly, but you restrain yourself.

"Hey, we're your friends. It's the thought that counts, we appreciate the effort. You don't have to try so hard. We already like you." You try teasing. Her eyes twinkle a bit, a haphazard smile pulls at the corner of she lips.

"So you still like me? Good to know." Beca says weakly, her eyes soft.

"I said it as a sorta like a group thing not just solely me- that part I'm not so sure of yet." you evade, still cautious. You tamper down that feeling of unease at brushing closely to the deeper issue. _Not now._

Later, right? The serious stuff would come later. Beca had said so. She was right, it was best that way.

You thought you'd been most looking forward to it, but now it felt easier, better to enjoy just this, being in the moment without the heavy weight of all the pressing issues. You hope the powers that may be wouldn't hold it against you if you allowed yourself to forget even for just one moment.

"Cos you said well yeah...I just...y'know."

"Yeah…" you murmur not quite acknowledging, "Here...fine. I'll do more than just give my opinion. I'll get my hands dirty." you say getting to your feet, she bounds up to you, looking a little more hopeful,

"Just a little bit of a reminder, you can't force some things, you just need to let it happen." you try hinting.

She looks bemused but she seems willing to listen.

"See you don't need much. Simplicity is key in this case and you only need three basic things; You got the location down, the second and absolutely vital thing that we all will be needing is the food and beverages, and believe me, you have more than enough. It's byob- bring your own booze- so that's taken care of and everything, the company yeah...we'll be expecting them in a little bit..."

"So that's definitely all covered but uh- it was too late to cancel the petting zoo, the mini bar or the exotic dancers." she says mildly apprehensive.

You're just about ready to scold her but she suddenly snorts, then continues to silently laugh at your worried expression. "C'mon I'm not completely hopeless." she says shaking her head but smiling widely.

"Sure you aren't." You lightly grumble, "Okay let's see if we can salvage this. Let's get all this straightened out."

You get to work, start putting away some things, axe some ideas; the waterbed (it was fun sure and weirdly comfortable but not enough for all of you to settle comfortably on for the entire night, no one would get sleep with the constant jostling that would happen whenever someone were to make a slight adjustment). You regret saying no to a kajillion board games that you usually enjoyed (Monopoly, Cluedo), twister (you'll save that for another time)and paintball on the lawn.

You say no to the make over kits and nail and salon area- to open up the space a bit more. You choose the appropriate amount of pillows just for sleeping but keep some closeby for probable pillow fights, at the end of it all you end up scrapping the whole idea of having a scheduled list of activities or just a schedule in general.

* * *

Afterwards, an hour or so later, you stand back proud of Beca and yourself for managing to pull this off together. Everything was as it should be. There was the soft but firm pull out sofa bed, covered neatly with a number of pillows, and warm blankets. There were bean bags littered across the room. The entertainment system and all its components remained untouched; the impressive widescreen television and gadgets were off to one side, with the drinks, snacks and candy corner and popcorn maker well within reach.

You can't help feeling caught up in the excitement. You were well on your way for one of the best sleepovers ever. It's pretty simple compared to what was going on earlier but you know it was what was needed.

The both of you decide to step out to get some air; it's mostly to keep Beca from fussing over the sleepover area some more. You stop by the kitchen to grab a couple of light snacks and then settle down by the pool area.

You spot a covered Jacuzzi tub and you can't help the giddy excitement from seeing it. So you had a thing for hot tubs-not that you'd ever really tried one before-but they'd always appealed to you. Out of the corner of your eye, just enough to pull away your attention, sat Beca getting comfortable. She lays down on a pool chair beside it, putting her sunglasses on, a relaxed smile painting her face.

You take a moment to appreciate the picture of Beca so lax and free, away from anyone else's prying eyes but your own.

"See something you like?" she asks smirking when she catches you. You flush but you don't look away.

" _Oh yeah_ …" you pause just to see her face redden with a blush of her own. You smile slightly before adding, "The hot tub. I've actually never tried one before." You say, sitting by it.

Beca looks surprised for a mere moment but smiles easily, "Well there's no time like the present. Today's a special day, a day for firsts."

What she says comes across lightly enough but you both realise at the same time that she means so much more.

It was time.

You both know you've arrived at that point, the time for the serious talk. For a brief period earlier you'd both allowed yourselves a moment to separate from the deeper issues, to just enjoy being in each other's presence, rid of any hurt or anger. You knew you could only evade it for so long.

Even Mother Nature seems to have been made aware, adapting to the change. The air seems to still, the breeze slow and gentle, the clouds move shielding the harsh light, and there's Beca herself, eyes calm and steady, all waiting for you to start.

"So when can I start the whole y'know questioning thing…" you try, voicing it aloud.

"You just said that there are some things you need to let happen.." she echoes you, half-smiling though her eyes remain intense, serious. Still, she seems to be readying herself, tensing as she sits up and turns to you, pushing her shades up into her hair.

"But if I don't start, it may never happen. So-how do these questioning things usually go?"

"You used to just 'do it' before, as I recall. Never stopped you from talking my ear off with the 'why this, why that." Beca teases, you reach over to push at her shoulder, she laughs when she dodges it and holds your hand and doesn't let go. She trails her hand pressing her fingers into your palm before interlacing them and you feel a tiny, nervous jolt in your tummy. You squeeze her hand once, before loosening your grip from hers.

She smiles still, though it's a little hesitant, a little bit forced.

"Also the way you say it, you're making it sound like I did something illegal so that I had to be brought in for _questioning_ …" she lets out a tiny laugh though her eyes convey her slight disappointment.

"Well, it depends on what you're going to tell me. Let's hear it all out-I wouldn't know exactly what you got up to while you were away…" you respond semi-serious. "So _confess_!"

She smiles and sighs, "I don't care what anyone says, that's my favorite and most memorable line from Game of Thrones."

You shake your head, "You should be glad I'm asking nicely. They had other unorthodox methods...unless you want me to be calling out "Shame' as you walk through the entire city in your birthday suit."

Her eyes twinkle with amusement, "Well that's actually looking promising at the moment compared to this." You have a retort poised ready on your tongue but you're interrupted, "And all that just to get me in my birthday suit, you needn't go through such a hassle, you could just simply ask nicely. You know I can't deny you much of anything." she teases mercilessly, with a touch of honesty towards the end.

You blush, yet press forward "You _promised_." you remind her.

"I know, I asked for this-and I said I'll answer ...whatever it is you wanted to know-"

"Like anything at all?" You clarify,

"If I can…if it's within my ability for one thing… I will try, to the best of my abilities…"

"So…the ball's in your court, it's your move, or any other sports expression you wanna allude to." she takes a deep breath almost like in preparation for your onslaught of questions.

She waits and so do you, you wait for the words to stem to your lips, but nothing comes- you just end up staring at her.

Now was the time to ask, but which question first, there were just so many. Perhaps you should've come prepared; made a list and arranged them by priority, but right now you feel you have to go with what's really bugging you.

You're distracted for a bit, taking Beca in fully. She's nervous, if it's any indication by her bouncing knee and her trembling hands, and consequently, so are you, but somehow you had to get over it- _someone_ had to woman up. If you let your nerves control you, you wouldn't be able to do this and get the answers you most desperately craved.

"Now that you've mentioned it I feel like I'm a witness at a stand, it's like we're doing an official interview." she babbles.

"Maybe we can do it rapidfire like. Yeah maybe that'll be easier, you're used to those." you offer.

Beca shrugs almost in an 'let's just get it over with' kinda way.

"So you wanted to talk-let's talk then. Just go on, I'll count you off, three. two. one, start."

"I thought we already had…and no one counts off at an interview unless you're the Assistant director or the production crew, not the interviewer herself. "

"No, you've been evading, stalling, _dawdling_." You say and she smiles sheepishly, ducking her head at getting caught.

"I'm trying to compose myself, I'm trying to find the right words…there's so much to say." she closes her mouth, breathes harshly- "if this is like any old interview, I don't know why it's suddenly so nerve-wracking."

"It's just me, Becs." You sigh, nudging her. She lets a half smile grace her lips.

"Yeah, exactly why I'm so nervous."

"Why don't you start at the very beginning I hear it's a very good place to start." you try joking, but roll your eyes at yourself. Beca manages another weak, nervous smile.

"It's not something you just casually start with, I kind of need to work up to it…and also it's important that we establish some ground rules."

"Sounds serious." you play it cool, still needing to keep it light, it's your own lifeline to not give into weakness, to your mounting fear, to keep your wits about you.

"You have no idea." she mutters, eyes shifting from yours to her hands, now clasped tightly together.

"Okay then let's work up to it-so ground rules. We give each other time to talk, to explain." You say.

"Yes. And we need to promise to _listen_ first and to hold back from reacting." She says earnestly, her eyes conveying her apprehension, "It's easier said than done but we need to both promise to try our utmost hardest."

"No walking out." she adds, gulping before adding,"No matter what."

You glance up sharply, what did she mean. Was she expecting another walk out. Was her big confession so walk out worthy?

You nod slowly, then give one short nod consenting fully. "No matter what." you echo.

Okay, see this wasn't _so_ hard. Mature individuals you both definitely were.

"So…okay. Maybe you can tell me, what really made you decide to come back here to the States I mean…?"

"Like I said in front of the girls…I had to be a better coach and-"

You shake your head, cutting across, eyes closing. "The _real_ reason. " You say hoping she heard your silent _please._ You wanted, _needed_ to hear this explanation, this confirmation from her. It would paint a clearer picture on what had been going through her head at the time. What was the trigger, her change of heart that made her drop everything and leave her responsibilities, her fiance. Did she leave him for real.

"It _is_ the real reason, one of them anyway. The main one-you already know it."

You open your eyes.

"But since you're so keen for me to spell it out, I'm here-a lot earlier than I intended-because I just...have to make amends...start over fresh...turn a new leaf actually that's the truth plain and simple...with the people-the person who matters most to me."

"Our last conversation had a lot to do with my decision, when you told me that I was 'all words' I hated it, I didn't want it to be true...cos l said that quite a lot about my father and his promises growing up-but that's completely out of context...I came because-I wanted to...I had to do this not just for you, but for me too."

So it really was for you. But how can she say this but act another way. How can she explain what she still had going on with Jesse.

"You say you did this for us, that you missed me. But you were still with Jesse yesterday…" You cut across her, now doing away with pretences and getting straight to the point. "You guys were ... _together_." you're having a hard time saying it, feeling your throat closing up.

Everything still feels raw, especially now that you're acknowledging the pain that's finally and fully being allowed to come to the surface.

"Yeah because we met up for the signing of a new artist, Emily Junk. Plus we had to talk a couple of business things over late into the night." She explains it away so easily, so casually dismissive, you find it hard to contain the annoyance, barely keeping yourself from interrupting even after you swore you'd give her a chance to finish, to tell you everything. "There was a lot to talk about."

You really want to give her a chance to explain but with Beca you couldn't beat around the bush, you had to push to get a straight answer out of her.

"And _that's_ it-that's all you did together. You _talked_ , and what, I'm just supposed to believe that?"

"Why not, it's the truth-" she begins to say flippantly, defensively. She bites her lip. she shakes her head, "I'm asking you to believe _me_. I would _never_ do that to you."

Her earnest eyes pierce you but you shake your head, above it all you were still hesitant to trust, still stinging with hurt, the sting reaching all the way to your eyes, which you somehow miraculously keep dry.

"So why was he in your bed-or you were in his bed-I don't care about the details but you were both sharing a room the other night-"

She looks confused, like she was hearing all of this for the first time. If she was acting, this was the best work you'd ever seen from her. "We had separate rooms, we may have slept on the same bed once during the trip but we didn't sleep together…well we've slept together technically, but we didn't sleep _with_ each other…"

Your brows come together."You need to say that again Beca cos that made little to zero sense." You laugh almost hysterically, your voice strangled feeling your frustration mounting, you can't help it it was either that or bursting into tears.

And you can't be a slobbering mess not when you know there's still more that needed to be asked, to be answered.

"Yeah. I'm so-I'm really trying to do this...bottom line is-No, I didn't have sex with Jesse. Why would you think I did?"

She was telling you one thing and yet all circumstances seemed to point to the contrary, proved otherwise. She wanted you to blindly trust her, to take her for her word.

"You see I hate this, when you talk to me like that and flash your pretty blue eyes all I want to do is believe you."

She looks defeated, desperate. Her hand reaches to hold yours but you quickly pull away. You get to your feet, wrapping your arms tightly around yourself. It serves a double purpose, keeping yourself from reaching out and accepting her touch as well as holding yourself together, keeping yourself whole as your body shakes with barely controlled emotion.

"I felt so bad, so _guilty_ that night after we fought, after I accused you, that's why I called you to apologise for jumping the gun and according to you setting 'us' up for a loss but the next thing I know, that I hear is Jesse. Do you know how that felt hearing him answer, hearing _him_ \- " you pinch the bridge of your nose trying to keep your tears at bay. You tighten your arms around yourself, needing to remain stable, to keep standing even when you feel like you're on unstable grounds.

"And all the while knowing just how easy it was for you to go back to him after one fight."

"Did Jesse tell you all this? Whatever he said it's not what it seemed, it's not what you think, Chloe. Believe me when I say that _nothing_ happened or will ever happen between me and Jesse."

"How do I know that for truth, Beca? I don't know what's truth from your lies anymore. What's your proof, how do I even believe you?"

This all felt repetitive. Tiresome. Every one of her truths are tinged with your doubt.

You hate how you can no longer find it in yourself to trust her and her explanations any longer.

She too gets to her feet, her eyes wild in their intensity, hungry and desperate for your absolution.

"Because! _Because_ I promised you, because there's nothing between Jesse and I- _anymore_."

All at once you feel wave upon wave of remembered negative feelings, all your other doubts and fears, your insecurities regarding her are all scratching at you, tripping over the other to make themselves known,

" _Now_ , when it's inconvenient or when you've fought. When you don't get enough attention from him and you always have me as your backup option!" You spit them out in a slew of angry, hateful words, not caring that you're failing once again at keeping it together, that you're both completely disregarding the flimsy ground rules you'd set up earlier.

"You _know_ how I feel. You know that isn't true…" she sounds close to crying, her voice strained and trembling.

"There you go again, this isn't true- that isn't true, the _truth is_ -" you scoff, "Well the truth is, I don't know anything for sure with you."

"Fuck, you're not even _listening to me.._ I'm practically trying to tell you-" she bites her lip, starts shaking her head, breathing harshly like a caged beast unable to get free, the very picture of frustration. It spikes your annoyance all the more.

Really... _she_ was frustrated, really now.

Her posture relaxes slightly when she notices your own expression.

She continues with forced calm "I'm _trying_ to tell you the one thing that will silence all your doubts-"

"Don't try so hard Beca you might hurt yourself and by the way yelling the supposed truth doesn't make it any more real." you say unable to stop snarking.

"Fuck you, Chloe and just so you know, I'm fucking committed in telling you the whole truth, so help me God. And don't pull that bull-you _know_ me Chloe and you sure as hell know it in your heart what is and isn't true."

You've had it. You snap. " _No I don't_. So stop beating around the fucking bush and then just fucking _tell me_ what is this fucking life-altering, game-changing truth then, Beca what is!"

"Jesse and I aren't together-"she shouts, breathing heavily, her face red. You almost lose your cool feeling your whole body tremble in frustration, you would've screamed if not for her next words halting and erasing any words, any possible thought from your mind.

"It was a ruse-it wasn't real." her eyes burn into yours.

" _We never were together_."

 


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The continuation with the explanation that reveals all.  
> Aka Where Bechloe kiss and tell or maybe the other way 'round Tell then Kiss?
> 
> Including fun with the rest of the girls (Swimming, and all the other Sleepover activities; Never have I ever and more)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because apparently 40 k plus words is too long a chapter so here part 2. This is where the fun really begins.

You feel all the breath leave your lungs, your knees buckling over.

"I don't- _What_?" you all but gasp out.

"Jesse's not my boyfriend...he's not my fiancee...he isn't anything but a friend-or was a friend." Beca says deliberately, her eyes earnest, worried as she takes in your reaction.

You really do stumble, almost keel over, if not for Beca who quickly catches you, providing the much needed warm and steady support, who urges you to sit down.

"Breathe Chlo." She whispers as she gives you several moments to remember how to do so, her own breaths tickle your ear, her arms holding you securely, so that you're encaged in her steady embrace. She watches concerned lines heavy on her forehead, patiently waiting for you to recover from that bomb of a secret. "Breathe with me, cmon...inhale slowly, deeply. And then exhale. Good." she walks you through it, almost as if teaching your lungs how to function again. Slowly but surely the tightness leaves your chest, the fog slowly lifts.

"Are you okay?" she softly asks, her breath warming your now cold, clammy forehead. You can't trust yourself to speak, to open your mouth-you feel like something else might come out.

"I shouldn't have said it, sprung it on you like that.", she half mutters to herself, " but I really didn't know how else to, it doesn't sound any better no matter how I phrase it."

She hesitates when you don't answer, unsure how to proceed. You reach over and take her hand and squeeze it, urging her to continue. She dips her head to make eye contact, she moves a sweaty strand of hair away from your face. Blue eyes lock with yours gauging and questioning yet calm, patient even... loving?

She wants to make sure you're sure, that you're truly comfortable with it. "So I'll continue telling you, if you're okay with that." Beca waits for you to nod your confirmation before she continues.

You hear her recount everything almost in a daze.

"I met Jesse when we were both starting out, we became close and we tried dating but we didn't work out. He was my buddy, my constant through the mess that was trying to make it in Hollywood. As we grew older and our careers took off and we both started getting attention, there was a business deal struck between our management's…something they wanted to try out- us as a rising young power couple. Our fans had always liked us together. And since we were already good friends we didn't mind."

"We both needed the boost, we enthusiastically kept up the pretense. On paper we were all but perfect, almost made for the other. Both Broadway babies. The Best friends turned real-life couple. It was almost fun being a part of something, not having to rely on only me. We did tours, promotions everything ...together. We gave each other credibility, we were solid gold as a duo."

You can hardly believe your ears, you didn't expect any of it.

Jesse was or had once been a good guy? Jesse was the supportive best friend turned dust in people's eyes. A diversion.

He's her beard?

"After a while it was just more convenient. We were both tired of the whole dating game. He kept me off the market I liked it that way, saved time from being hit on by all the chauvinistic pigs left and right..."

"But this wasn't just a ploy, you were in it for the long haul. You guys are-were _engaged_." You say with disbelief, wondering at how ludicrous it all suddenly was.

Her eyes are empty, voice bland and emotionless. "We were practically sorta married anyway, and I was going to play along...like I do for everything." then her voice turns bitter, "No matter what I said about not letting anyone dictate my life, my actions. I couldn't escape it, I didn't realise until too late what I had signed up for, I had no choice other than to conform to that mold they set for me. I hated it but I accepted it. I never really saw a reason to fight it, to break it...until...until you."

You try to smother your blush at her words, you barely manage it, pushing past it too continue questioning her.

"So Jesse was just okay with you ending everything?" you had to ask though you already somehow knew the answer.

Her eyes turn cold but they carry a deeper sadness as well.

"We'd been dancing around it for a while, but I finally told him about why I wanted it over, and it was hell to pay…" her throat bobs as she swallows down, trying to keep her emotions at bay. "But he, he went too far- he made some threats, and so I promised him a war if he ever did anything so drastic."

She must have seen the worry in your face. She forces a reassuring smile.

"No worries, I have enough dirt on him and he isn't stupid to try crossing me, I just never thought it would come to this," she breaks off and let's out a tight dry sob, "-that I'd need to use anything against him. I never wanted things to get that way between me and him I thought-I don't know what I thought, I naively thought we could do this _civilly_ , end in a good note. That was the deal."

_Because he's in love with you, and you let him think it was okay...you let him get in too deep._

Her gaze is far away, she seems lost in her memories, "I stayed with him for as long as I did because in the end I felt I owed him for everything, for his unwavering loyalty all these years."

"I gave him an out years ago and he chose to stay with this illusion of a life. He stuck with me, he was there in everything…saw me through everything, my successes, my failures, when I lost my mom-" she wavers, throat bobbing up and down, breathing harshly as she tries to get a hold of herself, "And what did I give him in return, all I did was hurt him."

Her eyes swim, her shoulders tremble. "I thought he would understand, that he could be happy for me. But I guess there's always pain in exchange for my happiness. His pain, yours...I didn't deserve him, or you…" her jaw clenches and unclenches as she stares determinedly at the floor.

"I can't do this...I can't please everyone." she brings her fists and rubs harshly at her eyes, as if trying to force back any tears that threatened to spill out, "No matter my choice... it's inevitable...chaos and hurt follows. I don't deserve to be happy. I'm toxic, everything good I touch falls apart, falls to shit." she laughs, acidity and bitterness coating the otherwise joyful sound, it's only the crack in her voice giving her sorrow away.

"No Beca, you can't really believe that-" she shakes her head unwilling to hear anything you have to say that contests her. You reach out to gently pry her hands from her face.

She lets you. Her dark, ocean deep blue eyes are rimmed red, brimming with her pain; and you are pulled under the mass current of remorse, sadness, desperation.

She looks so fragile, so young, and so very tired.

"You have to know I kept you out of it for as long as I could, though he had his suspicions. I deliberately, desperately tried to take the focus away from you...to mislead him...but he just knew-" she cuts herself off, to take a calming breath.

"Knew what?" you prompt Beca.

"He knew that you were...special...that you were -are _everything_ to me." she breathes harshly, her voice jagged and watery "And everything I've done- I did all I could trying to protect you. But I didn't realise along the way, that it was me you actually needed protecting from." her voice cracks and she's full on crying now, tears freely streaming without her trying to stop them.

"I know I hurt you when I pushed you away, when I let myself be weak, willingly choosing to bend to his wishes and because of that I let him-I allowed for him to hurt you. Ultimately, I ended up causing you pain just because I selfishly wanted to keep you both. I swore I'd content myself with just being your friend, but it only felt like I was fighting the inevitable. When I swore against everything I felt, when I lied through my own teeth that you didn't mean anything to me. That was the worst kind of denial... it was... _sacrilege,_ telling you that you were nothing; hurting you and trying so hard to convince myself that the lie was the truth...so it'd be easier for me to stay away. I did all that...I sacrificed your feelings to spare mine. And I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry, Chloe."

She chokes up then and her tears take over.

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry. I'm sorry." she apologises profusely, becoming, sounding more desperate each time.

The words you thought you hated and repelled she says over and over again like a mantra. And you find that you didn't hate them any longer, your heart ached each time you heard it now. Hearing Beca's own heart breaking behind it. She's crying so hard, trembling violently, shaking that you're afraid she'd tremble right out of her skin.

She somehow regains composure, rubbing roughly at her eyes "I can't lose you." her voice breaks,

"But I'd understand if you don't believe me or ever forgive me, or even hate me-you have every right too," she blubbers.

You let your hand briefly drift out to touch her twitching jaw muscles before you raise her face to look into your eyes, to see when you shake your head.

Her eyes are rimmed red, weak and defeated, "So you know exactly how much of a horrible person I am, you should get out while you can. You deserve so much better than what I can ever offer you." she says so pitifully you can't help your response, finally pulling her into your arms. You have no words of comfort, nothing to offer but your support, your understanding, your loyalty and your love.

_Oh Beca._

_I'm sorry too. I'm sorry I didn't know. Thank you for telling me_. You try to convey all these with your mere touches; your arms encircled tightly around her as she breathes shaky and deep.

_I'm here._

_I'm not going anywhere._ You press a hard kiss to her temple, she lets out a sigh that sounds both pained and relieved.

You bask in this moment of silence. Of her in your arms, surrendering her truths, giving you herself, showing you every part. You're finally viewing each and every jagged piece in all it's entirety.

She's giving you so much. Too much. Its everything alright. She's bared it all, laid it to rest upon your feet. It's an information overload. Your emotions, your senses are at an overload as well, torn between numerous reactions, feeling surprise, betrayal, sadness, regret, love.

Was there relief in all this? In knowing that there was one less barrier in the way.

You hurt for Beca for all she had lost. You watch her breaking in front of you not knowing if you had it in you to be strong for the both of you, not when it was all so fresh and unreal and fully disorienting.

Your brain in its disarray grasps to hold on to anything, to some semblance of order, trying in vain to make sense of the details.

"Wait. I need to get this straight, so if Jesse's just your cover up and it's all a lie….when you like girls…so you're really ga -"

She glances up harshly.

"I'm _not_ gay…I'm not a lesbian. " she all but snarls out, eyes flashing. You flinch as she pulls away abruptly. You almost back down but you press forward. You can't let her put up those walls again.

"So what is this then... you wanting to be with me, a girl, sort of makes you one…" you explain,

" _Well_...I don't do labels." she says dismissively, You don't let her get off that easy.

"Am I the first girl you've liked?"

"I hardly think that's important."

You almost cry out in frustration. You press a hand to your temple and start massaging. She was infuriating, you'd gotten this far only to be held up once again by Beca's refusal to acknowledge things.

You guess Beca wasn't ready to admit this about herself, but where did that leave you. She wasn't with Jesse, she claimed she wanted you, but she wasn't sure? Why was she so utterly confusing?

"I beg to differ-I need to know if I'm not the only one, if I sorta made you gay or if you're experimenting. Or if I'm some weird unfulfilled fantasy that you never got to live out. Wait this is completely messing with my head." you practically garble out, breathing too fast and yet not feeling enough air reaching your lungs. Just a moment ago you were at the verge of a panic attack that was somehow cut short, but now you're actually having one.

You close your eyes as you see spots. You let yourself lie on the grass trying to calm down, feeling the warm morning sun beating down on your face behind closed lids, you try slowing your breath, gasping around the scent of chlorine, grass and early morning air.

You feel her shift to lie down next to you. You refuse to open your eyes.

"Hey. Stop freaking out." She calmly says, like it's so easy. Like she hadn't come so close to that just a second ago. A disgruntled noise escapes from the back of your throat. The little minx still has it in her to be amused, lightly laughing. You open your eyes around a scowl. She's on her tummy staring down at you, her arms propping her up. "You have no reason to freak out. You just have to breathe." she says her voice making its way through your swimming head, you feel her hand gently hold your face, cupping your cheek, tilting it so your eyes could meet hers, "All you need to know Chloe, Chloe Beale-" her eyes shine down on you as she lowers her lips and places a soft kiss to your nose, she pulls back just slightly "is if there's one thing that's true it's that, you're the only one- period." she half-whispers, lips mere inches from your own.

You feel a different more pleasant dizziness overcome you, feeling your eyes closing, your heart thudding, loud in your ears. Your stomach twists pleasantly as your breaths mingle, you can practically taste her on your lips, yet somehow (you really don't know where you get the strength)you summon enough restraint to pull away.

"Yeah. I think you need to give me several more moments to process this." you half-slur, half stutter out,

If Beca is disappointed or even frustrated she doesn't show it, she merely smiles, her eyes and her easy smile conveying her understanding. She rolls to her back, tucking her arms, interlacing her hands behind her head.

"Take all the time you need. We can take a breather." She graciously offers, "You need water or anything." she says turning her head to face you.

You shake your head resolutely, "No. You don't need to stop. You just need to talk me through this. Tell me something-anything more."

Her eyes travel across your face, reading it.

"No, I've said too much...it should be enough for now. You look really pale. We need to get you some water, something to eat perhaps-"

You didn't want to be coddled at the moment. Beca had revealed something so big and unexpected, but you feel you had just barely scratched the surface...you do however accept the bottle of water Beca hands over, and you take a long sip just to stop Beca from fussing over you. You wave away the granola bar she offers you. She leaves it beside you just in case you change your mind

"I'm fine….it's fine. Continue. But wait there's this one detail that didn't quite add up earlier you were saying about Jesse, so if he wasn't in _your_ room then how'd -what lead to him answering your phone at such an unforgivable hour?" you ask now, curiosity fully restored.

"Let me clarify what happened once and for all- after we had this meeting that ran late-he called together people to do some late night brainstorming and such in his room. We were there with a couple of other people but I wasn't feeling in the mood for anything well-I hadn't been feeling so much the inspired vibe that day-"she says wryly,

"I felt dead tired and thoroughly drained and so I went for a lie down-the next thing I know, I wake up it's late in the morning and I can't find my phone where I left it. Jess is acting all weird and suspicious-like and I finally see that he hid my phone."

You gasp at the sheer audacity of that man. "So all that Jesse said…" you muse aloud, already half-believing.

"What _exactly_ did he say?" Her eyes curious, concerned.

"Well he implied that you were that you had been together like that-like a couple…" the pain you feel isn't nearly as overwhelming, muted somewhat.

"Well he lied-" her eyes flash dangerously, "and I only found out you called when I checked my phone and confronted him about it..he didn't think to delete the call log, he told me how he'd answered it and that you'd talked."

You can't resist pitching, "talked, more like accused me, told me that I was the pathetic one, that I was a pathetic little girl for interrupting your coupling time."

"I knew that he'd probably told you some bull story-" she mutters almost to herself.

"I knew he was hurt, I knew he needed time to accept things but what he did was unacceptable. I didn't stick to hear him or his excuses out. To put it simply I just upped and left. I had to explain things to you in person. It was easy since I had already packed my things in preparation-I'd already made up my mind to get on the plane earlier than planned-"

"And when did you decide that?" you all but murmur.

"The moment I first got on the plane leaving you, it took everything in me not to tell the pilot to just turn the plane around, and it got even more difficult when I actually arrived in London but what really convinced me was right after our talk-that kind of streamlined everything. I booked a flight before I cancelled all my other engagements…I didn't even stop to think of the consequences of what I was doing- _if_ I was doing the right thing. Well I only became sure I did the right thing when I got here-when I finally saw you. I almost regretted why I'd left in the first place if not for the work."

You smile at the little confession but then groan upon remembering what you went through just before she showed up. Her scary, freaky surprises.

"Why the hell did you have to go all covert, undercover spy like? The others were scared and they only experienced the finale-I had to go through all of _that-"_ you wave, motion vaguely " _-_ the whole entire day…" you complain needing to let out some frustration from all of the ongoing confusion.

"I didn't meant to scare you-believe me that wasn't my intention at all…I just wanted to let you know that I was here without anyone spoiling it or the news breaking to the paparazzi. I couldn't think of any other way but leaving behind some clues. I actually thought it'd come off less stalker-y more romantic-" your eyebrows come together and you bite your lip around an apologetic smile, "I thought wrong." She all but sighs out.

She had caused quite the commotion, quite a scare for you in every corner. You weren't quite sure it was her, there wouldn't be a better time than now to cross check how it all went down from her end.

"So it really was all you…but how'd you do it-how'd you pull everything off and how were you everywhere at once like some sorta Santa Claus... when did you find the time? How'd you know my schedule?"

"I have my ways." she says vaguely, You narrow your eyes and shake your head needing to hear the fine details.

"Everything _remember_?" you smirk.

"Can't we leave _some_ air of mystery?" she grumbles out.

"Not today- so first the flower…" you prod.

"-was simple enough I ordered it beforehand-it was supposed to be a whole bouquet but that wouldn't quite fit the whole undercover picture."

"and it simply wouldn't fit under the windshield wipe."

"Good point. Thinking about it now, I could've had it placed somewhere else, inside the house…speaking of...The picture I had framed, I may have taken the poster snuck it out by tucking it into my pants leg when I was in your bedroom taking a call-right before I left-"

"I think I would've noticed-"

"Trust me, layers hide everything-Not that I've had to hide anything before…physically I mean, there was that one odd rumor about-"

"You being a hermaphrodite…" you say which sends her into a fit of laughter (she was completely gone, rolling around in the grass) You shake your head, trying to look unimpressed but failing. She was such a goofball.

"Because of the one comment you made while shutting up a reporter while they were catcalling you."

"Who knew they'd take 'no that's my dick' seriously..." she gasps out once she's recovered some, wiping away tears of laughter.

"Speaking of calls, how'd you know about my phone…and how'd you get into the house…I mean it was you who put the frame in right? I won't lie that's what got me freaking out the most…that someone had been in there the whole time while I was asleep. I guess I'll feel slightly _less_ traumatized if I knew it was just you."

"How'd you like me to answer that?" She asks seriously,

"As truthful and concise as you can please don't omit anything."

"No I meant which question first…there were a bunch thrown in there." She smiles that teasing smile,

"You're the one who said you'd give me all the answers…" you singsong

"And I will-so would you like them to be answered in order, in quick succession or…"

"You're dawdling once again."

"Fine but I'll be garnering-adding up to my grand total Chloe stalker points," her mouth closes abruptly, her eyes widening, like she'd let that slip without meaning it to. She looks like she regrets saying too much but she pushes on. "I warn you-it's not all pretty."

You just give a half-dazed nod. _Stalker points-she had stalker points when it came to you?_ You almost halt the questioning altogether at that one revelation. You will totally get into this later on.

"That's… fine. I mean- do go on."

"About the phone I was able to get it out of Jesse after I went crazy trying to contact you -I had to set things straight-especially after I heard the state you were in…how Jesse mentioned something about hearing a crash before the call disconnected…saying that you had been overreacting to what he was saying and that you had probably thrown your phone…and so I thought-I took the liberty of ordering a new one."

"But um-I can't take all the credit you mention Santa, well, I had a lot of help-from my little elves…my trusted team members…and some other people that I can't really state who they work for as that is top secret."

"You mean those heavy-set muscular guys?"

"Hank's um special old friends from when he was in the military slash security-but it was all me um y'know sorta stalking you-following along from afar trying to find the opportunity to get you somewhere private…I was at your place for a bit, I was going to show myself…but you neighbors were all out and about for some reason…so I couldn't park the car I was using so I kinda camped around then I uh climbed through your window…and waited there... for ...a bit." she scratched at her nose, and after looked at her hands, unable to look you in the eye.

"Right-okay so for how long?" You ask like this was a completely casual topic of conversation.

"1 or 2 hours you came in and you went to sleep immediately I didn't have the heart to wake you up so I uh…just….stayed and..."

"You creeped on me-peeped on me. What are you also a seventeen year old vampire named Edward?"

"Uh...No?" she says dismissing or not quite catching the twilight reference, "I uh casually observed, oversaw the progress of your-" You feel yourself grinning like a fool "fine yes, I watched. You always look _so_ peaceful, relaxed and happy…you make the cutest little noise..." she says a small smile and a faint blush showing across her features.

You simultaneously warm and cool.

Wait.

" _Always_?"

Beca stiffens, shakes her head, jerks almost like being awakened from a dream, a haze, she quickly rearranged her features, "Um-huh what…"

"You've watched me before-this isn't the first time you've-"

"I didn't say anything. _A_ _nyways_ -I almost fell asleep myself…" she continued without acknowledging you, her face slightly tinged, "then I remembered that I had to get the frame back into place-I almost missed Hank's signal…"

"Okay and then you just left right after? How'd you sneak back out?"

"I could've stayed there all day but then I heard the door and I so wasn't in the mood for another Aubrey run-in so I bolted."

"Well it wasn't Aubrey who arrived it was the person delivering the phone. Which, thank you by the way, I promise I'll take extra care of this one cos this one's special-" you admit, feeling shy. Beca's corresponding smile and shiny eyes erases your slight unease, " though, just so you know I'm not usually that careless with my things." you add, to further reassure her that you don't usually make it a habit of wrecking your things in an emotional frenzy. "Though I do see how the history of all my actions these past few days and all the things you're replacing for me isn't really working in my favor."

She brushes away the beginnings of your nervous rambling with a thumb to your cheek, caressing it softly, " You don't need to excuse yourself, Chloe. You don't need to be held accountable for your actions-"

You shake your head, that wasn't fair. You recognised more than anyone that you also had shortcomings, that all that had happened over the last weeks had brought out the worse in you, much like it did for Beca.

"Well yeah, okay maybe you should-we both should, because we've done some pretty crazy, immature things trying to figure all of this out-"she looks to you with nothing but acceptance, her eyes laced not only with sadness but with a deeper understanding, "but the first step was admitting to it-and if I know you, Chloe, I know that you've internalised everything, kept it all bottled in until you couldn't any more. You never intended anything bad to happen. You shouldn't even be a part of this mess...because you're _good_." her eyes are alight, observing you with something close to devotion. It doesn't seem real. You feel so unworthy, undeserving of her thoughts and affections. "You're so _pure_ , and you were pushed into this, you would never have reacted like that if you weren't provoked...and I-all my actions were what pushed you to your breaking point. Forgive me-" she says around a heavy gasp.

It's your turn to grasp her face in between your hands, leaning forward to rest your foreheads together.

"Hey-let's not get into that, we're already moving on our way past the dark stuff. But Beca, you're right, we both messed up." she had been refusing to look at you until then, her eyes are strained, but you soften your words with a quick kiss to where her brows are furrowed. You pull back a bit and let your hands drift downwards, resting just by her shoulders where your fingers have the freedom to trace her slender neck. "We both went at everything all wrong. We've both recognised this and now we can take whatever it is we learned and try to do better, be better this time around."

She nods eagerly, smiling softly. "Absolutely. I completely agree with you." her own hands she interlaces around your neck, pulling you into her warmth, so that you're practically on her lap. You should've protested-would've been far more concerned that you were probably squishing her- if you didn't see Beca's contented smile, feel her adjusting to accommodate you more comfortably, seemingly completely at ease and at home with you just there.

"We may have hiccups along the way but who doesn't. Let's be adaptable. Let's be...like this, completely honest and open…"

"Let's be us-"

"But better." you add

"Bechloe 2.0." she says playfully, her voice deepening taking a movie trailer narrator quality and you chuckle. She quickly turns serious adding, "I must warn you I'll still have my closed off- emotionally constipated moments...but I'll talk, just give me space to do so, and I'll do so in my own time-I just need a little coaxing-" you snort, she rolls her eyes in retaliation but the actions aren't angry like earlier it's actually teasing and lighthearted, "Fine, _a lot_ of coaxing and only if you ask me nicely." she finishes smugly. You're almost overcome to wipe that look off her face, tempted to bite at the pink of her lips.

You only just manage to restrain yourself shaking your head a tiny bit and pulling back.

"And I'll probably still have paranoid, needy, feeling neglected and frustrated moments when you do that- most probably when I'm PMS-ing-but I promise to not be overly scandalous or go about it publicly. I was irresponsible before, letting things get to me in the heat of the moment. I won't let it happen again. I'll do what I can to protect you. I know it takes as little as the wrong phrasing of a word to completely ruin someone's reputation and I don't want that, I don't want any of this to be tainted. I'm sorry that I've disrespected you and your position in the past, I'm sorry if it's like I took your friendship for granted...or even took advantage-"

"You didn't-" she begins but you silence her with a knowing look. Beca presses on," It's a sensitive situation that were in being in the public eye, on national television-no less. Made even more complicated with these things they call feelings."

"If only we couldn't have those-" you all but murmur.

"It'd be simpler but...I wouldn't have this, us, any other way. I'd take this over anything else... 'cause it's real, you know, it's something worth fighting for."

More than anything she's ever said, this last one's taking every ounce of your energy in not jumping her. You'd like to think you've got some chill, though. You settle for another quick kiss to her temple.

"I'll be more professional. Whatever problems we may have, we can keep outside the competition."

"As for your moments, how about I'll call you out of those by showering you with enough attention to make you want to place a restraining order on me?"

"That sounds like a pretty sweet deal. Speaking of sweet, what about all those donuts, were they from you?"

"Wait donuts-I got you the one donut from the coffee shop you frequent too." she says slowly, not understanding, "But like multiple… that wasn't me…I wouldn't want to load you up with too much sugar-you're usually hyper enough as it is…and it's unhealthy-not good for the body at all." She smiles still looking perplexed.

"Then who was it?" you ask, and Beca frowns whilst shrugging.

Who knew that you were having a bad day and knew you well enough to get your favorite type of donut. Of all your friends who was thoughtful enough to do something that sweet for you. You know it wasn't Aubrey so that would leave...Wait you think you know…

"Wait a second." you check your phone and see a message that you had surpassed,

_Colleen: Hey sweetie! Hope you like my little treat, thought you deserved all the sweetness you could ever eat within the day._

"-Yup it was Colleen. She's such a sweetheart." You beam, you look up and just catch as a flitter of a shadow passes across Beca's face, she looks bothered if it's any indication by the deep frown on her forehead but just as quickly she clears her face. She shifts a bit under your weight and you think perhaps, her legs were starting to numb. You move off her lap, she squeezed your hips apologetically.

"Okay…so I wasn't the only one who knew to give you your sweet fix." she says around what sounds like a forced laugh before her mouth settles into a pout.

"Why the face?" you ask poking her cheek.

"What face?" she raises her brow, pout still in place.

"That face." you can't resist pinching her cheek, she swats your hand away.

"I don't know what you mean, it's my face."

"Sure. Ms. Grumpy Mcpouttyface." you poke fun at her. She pouts some more before realising what she was doing, she rolls her eyes and let's out a little frustrated huff, crossing her arms and rolling to one side.

You push yourself up to lay on your stomach to get a good look at her, she rolls again but faces the other side.

You'd almost be frustrated over her getting unreasonably upset if you weren't a little amused and distracted at how unreasonably cute while jealous she was being.

You move to hover over her, your arms on either side of her head, your legs on either side of her hips, trapping her. Your hair falling freely surrounding her, blocking any other sight, forcing her to look at you.

"Well everyone knows about that…well only three of you best friends of mine know the true extent of how much of a sweet tooth I am…" you lightly, casually say, dipping your head to find that smile of hers that seems to be evading you.

"but as much as I appreciated Colleen's overload of sweetness. I could've done with just the one, the first one."

She does finally, resignedly smile when you nudge her, "Happy?" you ask,

She shrugs like it wasn't such a big deal, still you're not content with her lack of an answer, not content with her quiet barely there smile.

You already miss her full mega watt grin, you want, need it back on her face stat. You need to make her smile again.

You're determined to do just that and more. You sport a secret little grin which makes Beca start to sit up looking cautious, suspicious, she doesn't move fast enough when you use your legs to keep her from moving, pinning her shoulders down and your hands move to tickle and lightly pinch her while asking over and over again,"You happy, you happy you happy?"

You both get jostled around as Beca tries to free herself from your hold, to get away from your tickling, (in the back of your mind you're thinking that you could get use to the feel of Beca moving underneath you, eyes bright, skin pink with exertion) you're both laughing freely, breathlessly till she finally calls uncle,

" _Yes_ , you tickle-happy Nazi." she swats you away, you finally take pity on her and fall back and move to sit down.

"Yep, those two don't go together- tickling, Nazi's."

"I would've come up with something better if my brain wasn't so deprived of oxygen from some tickle-happy redhead making me laugh so hard." Beca says, following your lead and sitting up as well. Her voice held that bite she sometimes used for insults whenever she was annoyed, but her smile betrays her.

Your stomach gives a pleasant swoop. She looks _beautiful_. Definitely happy. Happy suits her, wears her well, transforms her beauty into something beyond this world. Even with her face still pleasantly flushed-blotchy and a bit sweaty, and her hair in a tangled grassy mess. She was messy but still beautiful.

She was _yours_ , your beautiful mess.

It's heavy the emotions you feel and yet you feel lighter than air.

"Better," you say, reaching out to remove the grassy bits that had gotten into her hair-you're happy she lets you, warmth pooling in your chest as she nuzzles into your touch. It's like today was unreal, like something out of a dream. It seems like it's the first time you're both allowed to act how you really want to. It's both a scary and liberating thought.

"but what were you saying about donuts not being good for my body. Are you saying that you wouldn't like me if I say, put on some weight?" you say just to see her squirm some more. (You got a weird kick out of it, a frazzled Beca Mitchell was the cutest.)

And she doesn't disappoint, you feel yourself smirk as she rambles. "Huh-No that's not what-huh I didn't say that-I so did not say…"

"but you were implying that if i were to become fat…you wouldn't." you say testily,

"No way…you'd still be you..y'know with just more...of you…"

You raise your brows at her less than smooth comeback,

"More of me and then?" you prompt, interested in how she'd finish the sentence.

"Well... then...there'd be plenty more to go around, more of you to...love?" she tries, looking so embarrassed you can't help but giggle. She bites her lip in consternation before she joins in.

"Sorry I kinda lured you into that one."

"Yeah I know you did, you tend to fish for compliments. If it makes you feel special, then I don't mind giving it to you-I love _giving_ it to you."

You can't stop the surprised laughter that you feel bubbling in your throat from escaping,

"You want to rethink your choice of words, babe?" you ask waiting for Beca to realise what she'd said.

She flushes. " You know what I mean." you laugh some more.

"We really need to work on this-" you say so moments afterwards, meaning it innocently but realising you hadn't cleared or finalised anything just yet and so you add, "If there is still something for us to work on…"

"Do you-Are you sure you want there to be?" she asks seriously, her head bent low, hands pulling at the grass, nervous.

You continue to ponder this, to watch her till she raises her eyes to yours. They're calm regarding you as she waits for your decision. You read understanding, acceptance for whatever you wanted, for whatever path you chose to take. They promise that she would follow you anywhere, she would come along, warm and willing.

You nod slowly first then firmly. "I do. I want to keep at it…at this..at us."

There's no huge visible change or reaction from Beca but you somehow feel her happiness expand; its in the little sigh she gives, the lightness in her body, her eyes a clearer brighter blue.

The picture of complete and utter ease, of relief. _Peace_.

"I'm sure or at least somewhere along the line it does get easier. I mean it should, right, or we really do have the worst luck…" she can't resist adding.

She sighs but it no longer sounds heavy, it sounds weightless and carefree.

"So…in the last two weeks we've gone from friends to….whatever we are…"

"I feel like whatever happens we're still friends…at least I hope so…" you interject,

"Of course-you're still my best friend." she smiles easily in agreement.

"And you're _mine_ …" you say, liking how the word tasted on your lips, "disregarding everything else…and well this only makes it better…"

"So we're...we'll be okay?" Beca clarifies.

"We're getting there…I feel like we're more us, more ourselves than we have been in a long time. We're definitely still friends …" you repeat.

She nods agreeing, "Not even a question about it."

"Friends who've kissed-" you voice aloud.

"Friends who happen to have thoroughly enjoyed the act of kissing each other." she waggles her brows, eyes dancing, a ready smirk playing on her lips.

"Well-it wasn't _too_ bad…" you try to tamper your smile,

"Okay…so it wasn't great for you. I've never really had complaints before…" Beca says, looking slightly put out.

"I'm kidding." you nudge her shoulder, "It was-well you were there. You know how it was. " she lets a smile peek out. "Wet and wetter." you tease.

She laughs. "You make it sound so _horrible_."

"I'm saying it like it was...there were tears, angst, and more tears. I don't know how but somehow you pulled it off."

"At least they were memorable." she says pouting shortly, before smiling.

"Its definitely burned into my memories." you fully agree. "So...that was it? Anything else you want to add?" you say airily, trying to sound aloof. Beca smiles widely.

"Okay...I just revealed that this whole thing between us is the _real_ relationship and that's not enough of a twist for you?"

"I had some theories that will definitely blow your little cover-up secret out of the water."

"Pray do tell." she asks intrigued, her smile widens when you blush, remembering just how silly they sounded. It was something not really meant to be voiced aloud.

"Nevermind."

"I'm intrigued...seriously, I've heard it all."

"For some other time, _maybe_." You tease. She narrows her eyes before nodding, letting it pass.

"I'll definitely hold you to it. So we still have around an hour left till they arrive. As much as laying around here with you is fun and all that, is there something else that you want to try, that you want to do?" Beca poses the question innocently but her eyes paint another story, one that promises so much, that makes you feel warm inside.

Your eyes once again wander over to the tub, _that's an idea_.

"Why don't we get steamy and wet-" you color and so does she, you clear your throat, "I mean, in the hot tub?"

"Its midday, that can wait till it's late or something…or not," she cuts herself off when she sees your disappointed face, "I don't really mind, It's weird though." You can't help laughing delightedly. "Okay give me a second to get everything ready. You have a suit?"

You nod excitedly before the two of you split up; She heads up to her room to retrieve her swimsuit, while you go into one of the changing rooms. You're changed first out of the two of you. You're rearing and ready to go and you can't hold back for even a second longer when you see the steam temptingly calling towards you.

You sink into the hot tub sighing as the warmth encases your body, _this_ , this is what you needed. You felt your whole body relax as the tension seemed to drift away along with the steam. You close your eyes as you lean your head back to submerge your face for a short moment under water. You push up again for air and barely make it-choking and sputtering-but not from the water. You feel yourself drowning, you only just barely recover at the sight before your eyes.

"How's the water?" the vision asks,

And you open your mouth and just nothing, nope. There are no actual words there anymore.

It's just that...Beca's in a bikini.

A _bikini_ people!

You can't repeat it enough. It hasn't quite settled in. She's in a bikini, a _bikini_.

An itsy bitsy teeny weenie sexy drool-worthy bikini.

A bikini that left nothing to the imagination.

And she was definitely not a hermaphrodite- she was _all woman_.

Your brain had officially turned to mush. And you can't help it, you're uninhibitedly gaping, staring, _leering,_ jaw slack. You think you feel actual drool trail down your mouth. You wonder why she's not running away from you just yet.

 _Man_ she wears that bikini well.

You don't know where to focus first. Her legs, her trim waist, her toned arms. Your face heats up more that it already has as you recall a very intense make out that you had, with that _perfect_ body pressed into yours while your mouths moved hotly. You find those same lips curled into a smirk. And hello, there it is again, this _heat_ , coursing reaching, distracting, growing in your stomach now travelling lower. That damned minx knowing full well her effect on you, tests your already shaky restraint further, she sexily bites at her bottom lip. You give yourself a firm shake, a strong mental slap.

You straighten up in the tub, rising deliberately slowly, feeling the water trail down your body, but the heat you feel is nothing compared to how intensely Beca is looking at you.

_See. Two can play that game, Mitchell._

"Nothing I can't handle." You say confidently your own smirk making an appearance at your recovery.

Beca suddenly looks hesitant, shy almost, as she approaches, lowering herself down into the water. You tamper down your disappointment when she chooses to sit across from you.

"What about you, you think you can handle this?" you raise your eyebrow.

She scoffs but still maintains her distance, observing you intently."Is that doubt I here? I'll let you know Beca Mitchell can handle anything, _Badass_ should've been my middle name."

"I don't know, you're the one who's referring to yourself in third person, and who's refusing to come closer, also Marie wouldn't appreciate that name change I'm sure." You laugh.

Beca laughs but her eyes doesn't reflect her amusement, it's heated, intense, almost predatory, It make you shiver involuntarily.

"You want to know why I'm not coming closer?" She says slowly, her voice dropping several octaves.

She doesn't let you answer, not that you could, all your blood is rushing downwards.

"The distance is the only thing keeping me from pouncing on you right now…"she answers so matter of factly, it makes your breath hitch, "if I were to go nearer who knows what could happen, that suit of yours isn't really helping my self restraint." you feel your entire body clench, your mouth get dry.

"Prove it." you whisper, emboldened. Her eyes flash at your challenge. She bites her lip before she ever so slowly closes the distance between the both of you.

You challenged her but you still feel yourself grow sweaty with nervousness at her approach.

And just like that she's _there_ , within your reach looking so delectable. Her creamy pale skin's all flushed and red, water, the heat clinging to her skin, steam surrounding you (or was it just her presence)both making it hard to breathe.

Her arms go on either side of you, almost trapping you, but her proximity isn't scary it makes you feel warm of course, and somehow whole and safe. Her eyes are open, deep painted with millions of possibilities, holding a million promises, and her mouth is set in the biggest, happiest grin.

She bites her bottom lip as she leans in and you close your eyes-but she merely tucks her head into the crook of your neck, her arms going around your waist for a wet hug.

You're a bit thrown but you go along with it, you move your own arms to place around her.

Her breath hitches painfully.

"Hey are you okay?" you ask worriedly. You feel as she both nods and shakes her head.

You want to pull back to look into her eyes to get a read on her but she makes it impossible when she tightens her hold around you, it's almost suffocating- she shakes her head again once.

"Thank you." She breathes harshly, pulling you in impossibly tighter. She doesn't say anything else, she doesn't need to elaborate further, what she's thanking you for went unsaid.

Your body, though hyper aware of all the available exposed skin touching, isn't celebrating or getting caught up in that detail. You hold on securely to Beca, willing for her to understand, for you to effectively convey that you were there-that this was really happening. For a while the two of you just stand there tightly hugging, until she loosens her grip, as you begin to move back a little, Beca's arms pull you back in.

"I adore you." She whispers reverently into your neck.

You feel your heart give an extra hard thud at her words. You let out a shaky breath as she pressed an open mouthed kiss there as well.

She pulls back to check if it was okay, you can't help the helpless nod. Her eyes shine with that reminiscent childish excitement of earlier, and then she happily goes pressing another kiss to that spot where your neck met your shoulder, then to your jaw, then to your pulse point.

You can't help giggling at her enthusiasm, feeling tickled and happy, giddy almost.

She pulls back confused, "and what's so funny Miss Beale?"

"Nothing, you're just like an overeager puppy."

She pulls away looking almost affronted. It's your turn to pull her back and pin her to you.

"A very _cute_ overeager puppy." you try to appease her. She merely grumbles.

"A very cute, but still badass, _heartwarming_ , overeager puppy." you add, kissing the corner of her mouth when it twitches.

"A _hot_ , very cute but badass, heartwarming, over eager pup-" her hand comes to muffle the next words.

"That's enough, we get it. Though, I should find it weird that you called a dog hot." you lick her hand and she yelps before removing it.

"Ew! You got saliva all over my hand."

"You like it sticky." you taunt and she blushes, which makes you laugh. " and yeah right, tell me you didn't find Tramp hot from Lady and the Tramp."

"I was more of a Simba type of girl, actually. He was a redhead too, you know. It seems like a have a type. "

You shake your head trying to contain the smile, hating that what she said made you like her all that much "You're saying animals are your type?"

"It depends…" she laughs, playing along with the weird flow of your conversation.

"If I bite?"

"Biting's good sometimes. It's the scary growling that worries me."

"Rawr." You try growling into her ear before nipping at her lobe. She giggles-like actually lets out the girliest giggle-that makes you pause all your actions and pull back to check that it was her, doubtful it actually happened.

She clears her throat, clearly embarrassed, trying to rearrange her face. You smirk.

"Shut up." Beca murmurs.

"Make me."

Her eyes get that heated look again, (not that it ever disappeared entirely) they glint with that steely edge, whenever she was challenged and that hungry determined gaze when she's decided to do something.

It makes you shiver deliciously.

She moves quickly, her hands go to your waist and flips you to pin you against the hard surface. She moves so her legs slip in between yours, and her mouth quickly goes to your collarbone, she wetly kisses it, scrapes her teeth again at it, it makes your entire body jolt, makes a little moan escape, that turns into a full fledged groan as she soothes it with her tongue. She presses more hot open mouthed kisses with some nipping thrown in there, over the expanse of your neck, then up your jaw. You feel your lids growing heavy then fully drifting shut. The rest of your senses are heightened. You feel everything, your whole body's abuzz. The only sounds are the sloshing water, Beca's cute little kissing noises, her humming, an occasional moan or many a moan from you. This is so past the point of being funny it isn't funny,

"Chloe." she murmurs,

You let your eyes open, her blown eyes meets yours as she removes her mouth from your neck and her lips move tantalizingly close to where you want it most at the moment. You wonder how her kisses will taste without everything hanging over the both of you. With her being free to show you how she really felt-

"It looks like things are getting steamy." you hear the unmistakable voice coming from behind. Beca and yourself both straighten up and turn, almost not wanting to believe that Stacie's there _early_ with the girls (each sporting shit-eating grins on their faces)along with your best friend, Aubrey, who looks at you with blatant disappointment, and Beca with barely concealed dislike.

You feel embarrassed for a moment considering moving away from Beca's warmth but quickly you feel defiant, you weren't a child you could make your own decisions.

Beca pulls away slightly but squeezes your hip under the water to reassure you.

Plus Aubrey didn't know the whole story of what had happened, no one knew what Beca had openly revealed to you.

"So did we miss anything good?" Cynthia Rose asks amused.

"We were... catching up." Beca answers aloud easily.

"Oh yes catching up, I hear that's what they're calling it these days." She laughs disbelieving, "Too bad for me when people say they want to catch up they actually mean it exactly the way it's supposed to mean."

You all end up laughing. Cynthia Rose beckons to the two of you " Why don't you two get out of there so we can all be catching up with one another."

"We were just getting to the good part." you grumble to yourself -maybe a little too loudly, Beca gives you that little smirk of hers and winks as if in total agreement,

"Later-" she murmurs once she brushes past you; hot water sloshing around as she pulls herself out first then helps you, "I wasn't anywhere near done enjoying myself yet."

Aubrey continues to glare down at Beca the whole way she walks the few feet away to get the both of you towels and returns handing you the fluffy blue one.

"Bree." you try calling her, wanting to divert her attention, you don't have anything to say, you just wanted to take some heat away from Beca.

Aubrey spares a glance your way, there's an unspoken agreement between you when she rolls her eye upon meeting your beseeching one's, assuring you that she wasn't going to go crazy on Beca.

Beca's looking worriedly between the two of you observing your staredown, not certain what was going on, unsure whether to step in or not.

"Beca," Aubrey calls out getting her attention, "I just want to begin with, thanks for the invite I appreciate it and because of that and this being your house and all, I will try to be at my best behavior towards you." she says sounding like it was something they had to force out of her, but you admire her effort. Beca seems to as well letting a tentative smile peek out before responding.

"Thanks as always for being so…"she pauses,before smiling wider "so forthright, Bree.. I mean, Aubrey." the two girls flush at her slip of the tongue. You smile when Aubrey awkwardly replies,

"You can call me Bree, it's fine."

"So _Bree_ and my girls, we're complete finally. We've come together for this momentous occasion. So let's commence with the fun times shall we?" Beca begins consciously, a bit too formally, and hyperaware.

You get her attention subtly waving your fingers as you point at the group. It's to remind her what you said about them already being her friends and that she didn't have to try so hard.

"So what to do first?" she poses the question aloud to the group. You smile, she remembered what you said that it was better to come up with activities as a group to end up with a general consensus.

"Since everything is already heated between the two of you, why don't you guys cool off?" Aubrey says, her eyebrow raised at you.

"Yeah join us for a _normal_ cold swim in the pool." Fat Amy quickly offers, not so gently reminding. "I mean, that was the plan."

"Of course-"Beca says readily, "C'mon get changed in the bathrooms over there by the pool and meet us here."

The other girls leave to get ready, with Aubrey giving Beca the "I'm watching you" sign, putting both fingers to her eyes become pointing them Beca's way, before she walks away.

"Aubrey's giving me quite the stinkeye."

"Aw wittle Coach Beca can't handle a little stinkeye?"

"How many times do I have to tell you, I can handle all…" you feel the beginning of a laugh, a retort, "-especially if it's for you." she continues seriously, which quells anything from leaving your lips.

You turn to each other, lips a breath away, ready to continue from where you left off- when you both notice Amy standing there when you swear she wasn't there before. You jump apart.

"Amy, how long have you been standing there?" Beca asks her voice higher than usual.

"I never left, you'd know if your eyes weren't so glued to each other's mouths." Fat Amy answers in that honest, uncaring way she does. Beca clears her throat, flushing deeply while you try not to laugh

"Also I've been taking special sneaky ninja classes from that make up artist Lily. Asian bitch is legit." she says raising her hands in a rock on sign.

The three of you stand aimlessly, as much as you love Fat Amy to death, she was intruding on your alone time. Beca looks to you to remedy that.

"You're not changing to go swimming, Aims. Weren't you the one most excited to go?" you ask.

"Of course I still am…" she scoffs looking at you like you'd said the stupidest thing ever, "I'm not going to go change cos watch closely", Amy said pulling of her shirt and kicking away her shorts in one motion. "I'm already in my suit. I'm fully prepared."

"Damn." you murmur, fully impressed.

"You gotta teach me that." Beca seriously says.

"Can't. It's not something you just learn. So excuse me lovebirds, you better take cover while I-" she doesn't finish her sentence, only breaks into a run(Cardio you're so proud of her) before cannonballing into the water.

You don't move fast enough and you shriek as the cold water reaches you. You shiver, that wasn't nice after your warmth from earlier.

Beca laughs evilly from behind and you turn to see why-she had somehow gotten a pail and filled it, she throws the cold water on your already goose pimply body.

"You're gonna pay for that Mitchell!" you scream after you've recovered and chase after her. She runs all the way to the pool's deep end.

"Make me, Beale!" she says blowing a flying kiss, throws a flirty wink your way (you nearly forget your anger) before diving in,

You watch admiringly as she pierces through the water expertly, then swims skimming the bottom of the pool before emerging.

"Show off." Amy calls out.

"You'll have to follow me in here if you want to exact your revenge."

"No way! It's freezing."

"C'mon you big baby ginger! No soul remember, cold and dead inside. Cold water's like your natural element." comes Fat Amy's jeer.

"That doesn't even make sense, Amy." You fire back. She merely laughs, leisurely floating on her back.

Beca swims closer to the pool edge. You crouch to talk to her.

"C'mon, it's not that cold. I mean after a while you just get used to it. Your body will adjust." Beca wheedles, coaxes. She reaches out her hand. You back away wearily.

"I'm not falling for that, you won't get to pull me in. Besides that looks pretty deep, how deep is it?"

You weren't prepared to get an immediate answer to your question as you move to stand up, and you feel a push behind you. Its a sensory overload all at once; you fall, you're suspended feeling weightless for a moment then just as quickly, you feel the hard splash of cool water waiting, whipping through your body. You taste the bitter chlorine, feel the water enter your nose, see the clear blue and the rush of bubbles swirling, feel as your hearing's muffled momentarily.

You see and feel a familiar hand around your waist-Beca's, pulling you up.

You break through the surface gasping for air you sputter out the water.

You hear the chorus of laughter, "Who the hell?" you say voice hoarse from coughing, looking around.

You see Aubrey laughing with Stacie and Cynthia Rose clad in their swimsuits. "Couldn't resist, sorry Chlo."

You continue to cough so you just flip Aubrey the bird.

You swim to the ladder at the end then pull yourself up, Beca follows. You bend forward, placing your hands on your knees coughing still.

"Are you okay?" Beca asks worriedly, soft hands settling, drawing soothing circles on your back. Aubrey comes close too.

"Chlo...hey. I'm sorry, I know you hate being taken by surprise like that." your blonde best friend says.

"I'm fine." you say, your voice hoarse.

"Really? I can get her back for you." Beca offers.

Aubrey looks at Beca, " aca-excuse me."

"Yeah aca-excuse _you,_ you pushed Chloe."

"Yeah. I know, I'm sorry, but don't go butting in, this is between us best friends."

"I'm Chloe's best friend too."

She laughs dryly, "You're not her best friend you're her- I don't know whatever it is your title is."

"What happened to being on your best behavior?" Beca asked Aubrey with a hint of annoyance despite her teasing grin.

Okay, you _so_ didn't want to start another fight.

You look at the rest of the girls for help. Stacie mimes something, you smirk at the idea.

While the two continue to squabble the rest of them gather around but not too near, waiting for the right moment.

"Go ahead kick me out then!" Aubrey challenges Beca ferociously.

"Don't tempt me, Bree."

"Don't be an untrustworthy, lying, little bitch, Beca."

_Woah_

"I've had it with you."

Okay this was escalating way too quickly, getting completely outta hand. You need to intervene and quickly.

"I've had it with you both!" you scream (You wonder at the truthful ring, not entirely sure where it was coming from) which makes them jump in surprise

"It's the two of you who need to cool off!" you say as a signal to the other girls- the four of you quickly lift each girl up, (Fat Amy and you for Beca and Stacie and Cynthia Rose for Aubrey)then throw them into the pool.

You hope you didn't wait too long to diffuse the situation in your unconventional way. You could have two angry best friends at your hands. You wait with bated breath.

Beca emerges first laughing, "Good one, Chloe." she says.

Aubrey doesn't look as pleased but amends "I probably deserved that."

"Just probably?" Beca asks.

"I know I did. And if I can also ask to not get kicked out, I got carried away."

"You're not being literal are you? Because we actually were carried away." Beca says, with a conciliatory smile.

"I get it Beca." Aubrey rolls her eyes good humoredly.

"Truce."

"For the rest of the party."

"Seems fair."

They shake hands.

"Enough with the drama let the fun times commence!"

You spend most if not the entire afternoon swimming and occasionally taking food breaks (Amy mostly)

You play the usual games: Diving for knick knacks, coins specifically, Beca had mostly British currency on hand till they ran out(Fat Amy only dived for keeps). Playing who could hold their breath the longest(Stacie wins each time, she reveals an unfair advantage later, apparently, she did synchronized swimming. Beca's a close second she had lungs of steel that one-something Stacie couldn't help commenting on being useful tidbit for the future making your ears heat up) Swimming through each other's legs. (Cynthia Rose never seemed to get past Stacie's, too busy admiring them you suppose) All of you humored Aubrey through some vocal exercises and one run through of your group number(she reminded that practising whilst submerged in water helped strengthen or work out the lungs)

The whole time you try and almost succeed in keeping your hands to yourself, but Beca is also finding reasons to be touchy. When she swims by pinching your sides, you retaliate by grabbing her foot and tickling her heel. When everyone goes to the deeper part she clings to you even though, there's not much of a height difference between the two of you and Stacie would've been a better option.

You also get caught up in splashing, spitting and chasing each other around like little kids.

All the while you try to ignore the knowing smirks on your friends faces and the warning one on Aubrey's.

* * *

Everyone emerges from the pool to change into loose, comfortable house wear. Beca lends you a Lincoln center t-shirt and gym shorts.

When it starts to grow dark and it comes time for dinner, instead of heading back into the house as agreed upon, Beca leads everyone further down the lawn. You turn the corner where you're surprised to find our own mini bonfire and all the food set out in the tables across the lawn.

It seems like Beca still had a good number of surprises, some tricks up her sleeve.

You can't help looking impressed, Beca answers with a little wink.

"You haven't seen nothing yet." she promises.

Along with the huge array of pre-prepared food, there's also meats and such that you could cook for yourself. Beca tries a hand with the Bbq at the griller. After she burns a huge chunk of meat and almost starts another less anticipated fire, burning a hole in the pristine lawn, Aubrey and Cynthia Rose take over all grilling duties while Beca sits out, pouting adorably the whole time. You can't help yourself from leaning over when everyone's distracted to give her a short, sweet kiss to the cheek. Her pout is completely erased and replaced with a beaming smile after that.

Everyone opts to sit by the fire on some logs placed around it. Beca chooses to sit by your legs and sometime during dinner she comfortably leans back and you hardly notice but somehow your free hand ends up in her hair.

Aubrey observes but says nothing. You're a bit worried, this is the longest ever you'd seen Aubrey hold back from snapping, insulting or being overly controlling. You'd be proud if she didn't look like she was going to self implode at a moment's notice.

After dinner's done, each and everyone of you move your full bodies(it's difficult at first, you had to coax Fat Amy in with promises of dessert, Cynthia Rose with video games and Stacie with manicure, pedicure set that you'd now have to bring back out ) for the indoor activities. The girls take a look at the whole play area and exclaim delightedly.

"Can you adopt me?"Fat Amy seriously asks Beca.

You look to Beca who shakes her head before attempting to speak, you're assuming, to gently let her down.

Fat Amy gets her word in first. "Or wait, no that'd be weird. If have to call you Mom what would I call Chloe, Mom the second?"

"or maybe just Mommy or Momma?" Beca suggests. You look to Beca again trying to control your features; you're aiming to look stern and incredulous at her condoning the idea instead of giving away how secretly pleased you were, but Beca's eyebrows raise and a tiny smile plays on her lips, reading you so well.

"Well I'd settle for marriage, and I'm not a commitment person-" Stacie asks slipping an arm around Beca's waist, "So Beca how would you feel about me and you-"

You stiffen and you glance at Beca seeing her do the same, looking to you. Stacie laughs upon noticing.

"Relax, I wasn't done. Me and your house. I'm only interested in your house, if I could marry a house I'd marry yours. We'd be house owner in laws." Stacie adds.

You laugh at the silliness of your friends. Beca however is staring at Aubrey, the only one who has yet to fully relax or enjoy herself.

"Okay, enough with the chitchat. We need to settle things down seriously first. Aubrey you said you wanted to get back at me?" Beca asks, looking pointedly at Aubrey.

"Is that even a question?"

"I have a parlay or a little quid pro quo to our agreement from earlier, someway to at least get things off your chest. You choose a game, any game here, and if you beat me, you can say anything at all to me for the rest of the night."

Aubrey looks suspicious, "You'll just allow that?"

Beca sighs "Better than it eating away at you the whole night."

"Okay then…" she thinks then smiles, "Mario Kart." she says confidently, a little too smugly. She has every right to look it. It is her go to anti-stress game. She's especially vicious, the undefeated champ, there's no one that you know who would even consider stepping to her.

"It's on like Donkey Kong." Beca smirks.

* * *

 

You all end up trying each one of the games; they can't seem to settle anything as either Beca or Aubrey take turns winning in each of them, finding in each other a worthy adversary, trying everything from Mario Kart to all the games in Wii Sports Resort that Aubrey suggests, 'cos surprise surprise, she can't accept losing even once and Beca willingly plays on, humoring her.

It's a nail-biting affair watching the two resolute women compete. One's more into it than the other-Aubrey's determined to put Beca in her place. They try everything from table tennis, cycling, even canoeing and archery.

At least Rockband was less tense and more enjoyable; it was fun for the whole group. You played through all of the Beatles songs alternating instruments. Beca slayed in each of them.

"Why are you so good at everything?" Stacie asks frustrated after Beca gets the highest point for drumming this time.

The lot of you are sprawled across the room on bean bags and on the sofa bed with popcorn, candy, chips and feathers spreadth out on various surfaces. (Fat Amy took it upon herself to start the pillow fight in between playing breaks, Beca had tried to look uninterested, even going so far as repeating what she'd  said earlier about setting things back several years. You see how her eyes light up excitedly, though, as the feathers go flying and the little crazed laughter that follows when she whacks you on the face and runs away after)

"Years and years of practice and mostly boredom. I like staying home when I can, and in my downtime, I do this. I usually get Marie to join in when she can, Hank too. She's surprisingly good at Assassin's creed and grand theft auto." Beca says smiling easily at Stacie before turning to you, and not for the first time the two of you find yourselves staring too hard at the other, flushes painting your cheeks, eyes twinkling happily.

"No more small talk, Mitchell. We need to settle this once and for all." Aubrey interrupts your moment. You dart a glance her way and you see her glaring- knowing full well what she was doing. You fight so hard not to roll your eyes.

"Fine, Bree."

"Please do take your time, not all of us have the time or patience like Chloe to wait for you to figure your shit out."

"Bree-" you hiss. Beca's jaw clenches and for the first time since the girls arrive her dark mood returns.

"Oh yeah. Sorry, I have to wait until after I have the alt girl's ass handed to her before I speak my mind."

"Okay. You wanna go, let's go then." Beca says sounding like she meant business when just a while ago she was happily trying to appease Aubrey, now she wanted to have her taken down a peg as well.

They play another round as a tiebreaker where Beca wins. You can't help running to embrace her along with the girls, Fat Amy going as far to pick her up and to twirl her around.

"Okay. So are we good, Aubrey?" she asks once she untangled herself from the numerous limbs surrounding her.

"Not at all, that was widely unfair of you, you challenged me when you knew full well that your skill set is higher than mine. You had an unfair advantage." Aubrey angrily says.

"We all had equal chances. But if that's how you feel then fine, even with me winning fair and square feel free to express yourself however you want to. Are we all in agreement?"

Several hands hit the air fast. Definitely wanting and needing this to be over and done with.

Beca smiles playing nice. Aubrey frowns then shakes her head.

"No. I won't accept your pity vote. One more game to decide the winner."

The four of you not included in this seemingly never ending lady-macho fest just expel one huge joined sigh.

Beca's eyes catches yours and you smile apologetically, she nods at you understanding gracing her features. She bites her lip thinking over something.

"Fine." Beca agrees and plays one last round of Mario Kart, thankfully Aubrey does win.

You almost want to hide away when Aubrey throws her hands up and does her secret victory dance that she did after winning a hard case (usually away from other people's eyes). And for good reason, Aubrey's sober moves were awkward and embarrassing as fuck. We're talking about shimmying, the water sprinkler, the traditional running man, she even tries the worm- dropping to the ground. There's a part where she grabs hold onto her but and shakes it.

"What kind of white girl shit is that?" you hear Cynthia Rose state looking almost offended

"Ooh...she's trying to twerk...I think." Stacie answers.

" _Yes!_ Aca-believe it. Aca-suck on that!" Aubrey says jumping to her feet triumphantly, eyes crazy-wild as she points at Beca. "How'd you like me now? I won. I WIN."

"Okay, you win." Beca calmly says, you see unwilling amusement in her eyes.

"And we lose. I don't think I can't forget that dance, it's burned into my brain." Fat Amy mutters.

Aubrey seems to remember herself. She clears her throat.

"Sorry, I may have gotten carried away."

"Hold up!" Cynthia rose interrupts. "Lesbihonest here."

"Yeah. May have? Really Bree?" Stacie adds.

"Okay I let my obsession for winning and my negative feelings towards Beca get the best of me, and I'm sorry for my less than desirable behavior. As you can tell I have control issues still, that I'm currently working on... it stems from trying to meet people's strict expectations of me to be perfect all the time. Being controlling, bossy its kinda drilled into me. I have my dad to thank for that. I have my good days and bad days but I believe that admitting it and recognising our weaknesses for what it truly is gives us the power to eventually control it, so we can move forward. And that's what I want to do, change things for the better from here. " Aubrey finished her speech breathlessly.

"Womp there it is, Bree. You made this into another 12 step program meeting." Fat Amy teases half-serious.

"We-I understand where you're coming from though, so it's all forgiven, apology accepted-not that you were asking for one in particular nor do I have the right to give it, cos you don't think much of my word...but I'm just saying that I know what's it like to want to make things new, to want to start over, given the chance. I was lucky someone thought me worthy of giving me one last chance. So yeah. You deserve it, Bree. We all deserve better. We shouldn't hold ourselves back from true happiness. Because we aren't defined by our past actions, the past is gone it's what we make of today, what we make of everything from now on that will define us. The real quote by the way is... if at first your don't succeed, try, try again. And see, you won eventually. So your father was wrong."

Aubrey's stunned speechless. She almost looks like she may cry for a second there, but she pulls it together, stands up tall and offers a hand for Beca to shake-a hand that Beca doesn't hesitate to take.

"You're a formidable opponent Becs. You take losing with honor. You've earned my respect." Aubrey shakes her hand firmly then walks off pretending she needed to go to the bathroom-she'll emerge later on with bloodshot eyes and claim to be getting pinkeye.

Beca comes close and settles on the bean bag next to you.

"You're a winner in my books." you whisper to her,

" _Huh_ respect earned through losing, who knew that's all I had to do to win Aubrey over. Maybe I should've done that earlier." Beca muses aloud.

"Are you saying you purposely lost to her?"

"You know nothing, Jon Snow." She says smiling imperceptibly before turning away.

"So what's next?" Cynthia asks eager to move forward, away from this.

"A movie maybe?", Amy suggests, chewing through a mouthful of popcorn but quickly remembers, stopping herself. "Oh yeah…Beca and her unreasonable movie hatred."

"Pity, you have such a kick ass sound system." Stacie comments.

"So Jess-ahem _people_ tell me." Beca says her eyes shift anxiously to you at her slip but you hardly let yourself think of it. The thing with Jesse was something you needed to leave behind. The faster the better.

"What about karaoke and we can break out the drinks?" you suggest quickly the first thing that comes to mind. You realize it was the best idea, what with the silence that follows and the agreeable looks on everyone's faces.

"You are an absolute genius, you ginger you." Fay Amy comments.

"Okay so we get to the good part." Stacie laughs.

"The adult part." Aubrey can't resist sending a jab Beca's way.

Beca merely rolls her eyes

"Okay then you grown ass women- let's waste no time and get drunk karaokeing!"

The rest of the night passes by in a haze of drinking and singing and later as Beca predicted, drunk singing.

Aubrey sang 'I saw the sign' by Ace of base.

Cynthia Rose sang 'Lady Marmalade' backed up by Fat Amy and Stacie.

Stacie sang 'S&M' by Rihanna

Beca sang the hell out of 'No Diggidity'.She sang it like it was made for her, rapped and moved like she had spouted the verses herself, and you can't lie, watching her do her thing, smoothly, confidently it did things to you and she knew it. Her eyes never left yours and you strained to keep your reactions to a minimum. Tried not to melt into a puddle on the floor.

Midway through the song selections the girls decide to play 'Never have I ever' which seemed like something pretty innocent to agree too, until you figure out the aim of everyone there is to get you and Beca drunk with the array of questions they chose.

"C'mon. Never have I ever gotten a bug tattoo."

"Never have I ever gotten locked in a toilet." Aubrey adds with a knowing look in her eyes.

"Never have I ever kissed a girl." Cynthia Rose says failing to keep a straight face.

Everyone but Fat Amy takes a drink. (I never got to let loose my inner lesbian she reasons) Beca and the rest look to Aubrey with barely concealed surprise. Aubrey's trying too hard to look unaffected.

"College days. I was up for some experimentation."

"With who though?" Cynthia Rose asks

"A close college friend, a Bella."

"You mean-"Beca pales looking between the two of you.

"Not me." "Not Chloe." the two of you reassure Beca at the same time.

"Never have I ever fantasized about anyone here." Fat Amy asks. You, Beca, Cynthia Rose and Stacie drinks.

"We don't need to ask the three of you." Aubrey says disinterested, she looks at Stacie questioningly.

"I'll have you guys know that I've literally fantasized about everyone here atleast once." She says so unapologetically you guys just let it past. Cynthia however looks like she's heard the secret to life's happiness.

"Why you interested in some more experimentation Bree?" Fat Amy asks. Stacie winks as Aubrey blushes and you all howl with laughter as Stacie approaches Aubrey and sits on her lap.

"That's very flattering, Stace, but you're not my type." she mutters out, face a flaming red as the foxy brunette wraps her arms around your best friends neck.

"So they all say, till they actually get with me." she smirks confidently, then presses a playful peck to Aubrey's cheek before she gets off, releasing the poor girl. "But yep no biggie, I don't take offense Bree. It would be for the fun of it, if you're looking for something serious, I'm not it. I'm not one for heavy feelings. Speaking of-"

"Never have I ever had sticky, gooey, romantic, feelings for someone forbidden, say a five time Grammy award winning brunette female coach in a reality singing competition liking someone on her team and vice versa. Stacie continues the game.

You groan.

"That's very specific." you can't resist commenting, unamused, rolling your eyes before drinking. Beca follows.

"Don't think we don't know what it is you're all doing. " Beca says.

"What, Who us...we're angelic and pure, true in withholding our virtue " Fat Amy says pulling a mock innocent expression on which starts a whole round of laughs. Everyone well on their way to getting pleasantly buzzed.

You go through several rounds. Along the way you discover more about the rest of the group. From the mundane:

Who could speak different languages

Cynthia Rose spoke some French

Aubrey you know spoke Cantonese

Fat Amy said she spoke wallaby.

Stacie knew French and Spanish she explained that she had a memorable gap year in Europe learning their languages.

"Who had had major surgery?"

You and Beca drink the others wait for an explanation.

"Wait anyone else what's to join in?" Aubrey asks looking around.

Stacie scoffs, "These are natural." she says finding yet another reason to grab her goodies.

"Appendectomy." you explain

Beca drinks, "Wisdom teeth all at once." she explains

"Oh okay, then me too!" Aubrey drinks

"Me as well. I wasn't even under during the first tooth, they used a pygmy rhino to pull it out, but I passed out after so-" Fat Amy says, not one to be beaten.

But now you were at the mature part

You take a moment to regain focus, the alcohol already swimming through your system. Your mind's so hazy that you need someone to prompt you,

"Chloe, it's your turn."

"Never have I ever had sex in- " you begin, and already Stacie drinks.

"Wait I haven't finished yet." you half-slur, tongue thick and heavy.

"Name it, I've done it." Stacie challenges.

"Never have I ever had sex on a moving vehicle?" Beca tries.

She drinks… "Want to be more specific?"

"It seems best we summarise we don't want you completely wiped out." Aubrey says, grinning sloppily.

"But yes all forms of transport land, sea, air…" Stacie brags.

"Miles high member?" Beca asks smirking.

"Hundred times over. Its why I wanted to be a flight attendant."

"Never have I ever had a threesome?" Beca asks looking directly at Stacie, not expecting Amy to drink also.

"What look at me, it's not impossible to believe that I get a lot of mancandy…"

"Never have I ever gone to jail." Cynthia Rose says

You recall a really crazy drunken night with Coleen she'd talk you into it after you'd spent hours upon hours studying for a test only to fail it. You were all out depressed till she got you out of your funk making you laugh about it then convincing you to drink it off at one of the nearby frat parties. Several empty bottles later the two of you burst out of the party and walk back to your shared room, which is pretty uneventful until she dared you(you seemed susceptible to the dumbest ones when hammered )to pee on a car only to find out an off duty police officer owned it.

You drink and tell the short version of what happened.

 “I may have upset a police officer.”

“She drunk peed on his vehicle for a dare.” Aubrey elaborates.

“Weren't you there, why didn't you stop her?” Beca asks, looking considerably more awake, though her eyes are heavy and she can't seem to stop smiling.

“I wasn't. I was there to bail her out afterwards. Coleen was there, the culprit, should've known she'd only encourage this one in her madness.”

“She made it up to me.” you shrug. Beca clears her throat looking put off.

“I'm _sure_.” she answers

“Or at least I got my revenge, She streaked across the main building. I'm wondering if we'll get to the extreme dares where someone will have to strip tonight. You guys up for it?” you say posing the question to the group but staring hard at Beca.

“I'm not nearly drunk enough.” Aubrey says.

“Yeah nice try Beale but you won't be seeing these goodies anytime soon.” Fat Amy says. “It'd be too much, I'm doing Beca a favor because once you see mine no one else's could compete...they’d all be inferior to mine.”

 “Oh really-” to everyone's surprise Beca whips off her shirt. “I don't know if you are out in the sun for too long and there were spots clouding your vision but let me remind you all how I look in a bikini.”

 Fat Amy does the same-and _of course_ \- Stacie follows and there's a full on lively debate about who has the best pair. But your brain only seems to register one thing Beca’s in a bra. Her goodies are on full display. Which, thinking about it, was just like Beca in a bikini with the main difference of having more lace and cotton.

You'd been exposed to them all day but seeing them in her undergarments felt different, more intimate.

It sucks that it has to be around everyone else, though.

Beca gives you a soft, secret reassuring smile, worriedly asking with her eyes how you were doing. You return her smile a tad bit woozily, but she seems appeased.

 Someone decides to do body shots and as you're pushed forward first and the salt is placed enticingly on Beca’s abs, it take all of your control to lick soft and slow and to even stop at all. You shoot back the tequila, barely tasting it, feeling your parched throat protest, knowing that its not enough. _It'll never be enough_ , you think as Beca’s overblown eyes all but swallow your own--you'll be needing more than the fiery liquid to quench your thirst.

 More shots go around. And there's more salt on skin, and tongue on skin, and just more drinking going on but none of it affects you as strongly as that first taste of Beca’s skin, which was a completely different level of intoxication all together.

 You're a blurry mess at the end of it and Beca’s not too far behind either.

 Fat Amy gets the idea to watch Apocalypse Now, and Beca, to no one's surprise, adamantly refuses. The girls argue relentlessly, keen to abolish her ruling.

 It seems liked her refusal took or drained out the last of Beca’s energy. She closes her eyes under the pretense of thinking about it some more and shortly, promptly passed out. Your body can't deny your wishes and flocks to her. You brush back her hair to uncover her face. You can't help almost tenderly petting at her.

 “So the movie hater is asleep. Why don't we go ahead and pick out some movies?” Aubrey suggests.

 “C'mon guys, we've agreed to respect Beca’s wishes.” you whisper

 “Beca smeca.” Stacie says.

 “She's too out of it it to notice anyway.” Aubrey reasons.

 “So are you with us or against us, ginger?” Fat Amy asks, pointing a twizzler aggressively at you, brandishing it like a weapon.

 “I'm reinstating her rules. It's her house, she gets the last say.” you try to remain steadfast even as your world spins

 “Nope, it’s a majority vote. Beca amended to that ruling, plus she needs to speak for herself and she seems incapable at the moment so...we outvote you. So what have you got to say for yourself?” Aubrey ever so righteously says, that she can somehow still manage while completely drunk.

You don't know what's getting you worked up- it might just be the alcohol, a ton of it, already circulating through your bloodstream, “Movies suck. Out with the movies!” you end up hollering.

You get booed, and popcorn is thrown at you.

Beca stirs, “Chloe outside.” she weakly groans.

“Fine. I'll get her out of here so when she fully comes to her senses she won't lose her shit on all of you.”

“Need some help?” Stacie half offers.

“No I've got it.” you say more out of annoyance and plain stubbornness than actual capability.

This was way harder than it looked.

She may be tiny but she weighed a ton

You half lead, half carry Beca all the way out of the room.

“Beca where to?” you prompt her and she responds with more unintelligible groaning. You think you distinguish the word _bedroom_.“Okay, bedroom it is. Hold on to me.”

You hear an unmistakable whip sound from Fat Amy as you leave the sleepover area and before the movie starts up.

You have every intent to lead her up to her room, but you take a moment’s pause, propping Beca against the wall midway up the stairs, your body's framing hers to keep her from falling sideways,

You breathe harshly, trying to get a better hold of yourself and Beca as well.

You lean into the hollow of her throat content to rest there, to breathe in her scent.

“Babe, I gotta love you...but this is hard. For the first time I wish I was a guy so I could just sweep you of your feet and carry to your room.” that seems to snap Beca out of her haze, she's spinning to pin you to the wall.

“No need for that, you got me the moment you said out with movies.” she says with an amused grin and sparkling eyes.

“You were- fully conscious!” You gasp, partly from indignation, mostly from the delicious feel of Beca pressed against you.

She manages a guilty grin. “I wanted them to have their movie fun.”

You try not to find her unconventional ways endearing, you're annoyed with yourself when you fail. You settle on channeling being annoyed at her.

“You made me freaking _carry_ you, which is not easy. Also, you could've helped a little more on the way out.”

“It had to look convincing.” she insists. You glare. “Okay I know dumb move number-”

“You have endless capability for dumb moves.” you snap, annoyed at how worried, how concerned you'd been over her.

She backs away at that. You sigh a defeated, little guilty sigh before you reach out to pull her back

"It's lucky that you're cute.” you whisper in her ear.

“What to do now that you've successfully gotten me alone? She asks.

“Well why don't we continue from where we left off?”you suggest

“I'm not dumb enough to contest that.”

You laugh as her lips finally, _finally_ press into yours, lightly, happily touching you.

The drunken night comes to an end fading in a cacophony of sounds and feelings.

You take the memory of Beca pressing to you- hips moving, breath hitching, hands softly cradling your cheeks as she smiles into each kiss. You're so in tune to Beca and her little kissing noises, her little moans, her whimpers. The throaty noise when you kiss her collarbone, each meaning, transmitting the same message.

 _I want you. Love me._ Your answers are all the same, _I do_.

The rest of it-the girls giggling drunkenly as the two of you slip further away, the choruses of let's videotape this shit- is just white noise, static.

 

* * *

 

_I can't take it_

_What am I waiting for?_

 

_I miss you even more_

_And I can't fake it_

_The way I could before_

_I hate you but I love you_

_I can't stop thinking of you_

_It's true_

_I'm stuck on you_

You finish the song feeling lighter than when you started. The song had seemed longer and more elaborate than you remembered, or maybe it felt that way singing it and going through the whirlwind of an emotional journey these past few days. You felt everything; the pain, the hope-everything that you had endured to get to where you are now. You allow yourself to feel proud at getting through it at all.

Carson steps up to the stage reminding you where you were, the thundering applause and the lights are also effective in jolting you back to the present.

“Chloe Beale strikes again with that emotional performance. Let’s head on to the judges to hear what they think about it, Usher?”

“That was gorgeous, Chloe. You gave us so much in those three minutes, you reeled as in and we were suspended there with you, it felt eternal. You made us believe what you were singing. Everything about it was just perfect, there’s almost no words to cover just how much-it was _everything_.”

“Thanks you Coach Usher. On to you Blake Shelton.” Carson moves the comments along.

“I’m stuck on you, Miss Beale. That was another perfect number, which should come as no surprise, it’s something we’ve come to expect from you. I can’t say anything more except...whoever it is you’re stuck on is one lucky person.” Blake says.

“Stop flirting with the girl!” Adam interrupts, “You already have a gorgeous lady on your arm!”

“Adam, there’s no need to get jealous-” Blake replies, garnering laughter from the audience,

“Yeah, you’re still his number one. Your bromance is held sacred above all other commitments. ” Beca adds

“I love you, you country boy you.” Adam calls out to Blake.

“And I love you-” Blake stands and proceeds to hug Adam.

“Hey you're forgetting you both told me you loved me-and our bromance holds up over even the both of yours.” Usher says, looking deeply offended, getting in between the two regular coaches and trying to separate them but they're hugging too tightly-there's some light jostling that occurs.

Beca places her fingers to her lips and whistles, “Okay boys, behave.”

“I was just about to step in,” Carson adds, “Adam, do you want to add anything else?”

“Only that you are amazing. You can sing literally anything and slay it completely, it was a beautiful, heartfelt rendition. We’re lucky you took us on that journey with you.”

“And let’s hear from her Coach, Beca.”

She smiles. “What more can be said? Just-” she stands up and claps, the rest of the coaches and the crowd join in for a standing ovation.

* * *

 

“You did good.” she tells you in private later

“Thanks. The standing ovation was too much though.”

“Nonsense-you deserve thousands of those.” she says voice shy and small, ducking her head and scuffing her foot on the ground when she speaks.

You let out a light laugh,

“About a while ago you were really laying it a bit thick for Benji, weren't you?”

“Well we can't afford to let anyone else know, can we?” Beca says, eyes warily looking around.

“You have a point there...so we're all for letting people think we don't get along or even hate each other now is the better alternative.”

“For as long as we don't get carried away.”

“Course not, I mean, as long as we know the truth, let’s not let it get away from us. And really,who cares about everyone else.” you say half-meaning it.

“Speaking of getting away from everybody...I was wondering, are you free?” Beca spewing out her words in a rush, face coloring prettily.  You flush too, realising what this was but trying to play it cool, so as not to spook an already nervous Beca.

“As a bird...why do we have plans with the girls?”

“Well, I was hoping to hang out with _a_ girl.”

“Who's the lucky lady? Did you finally decide to reward Kimmy Jin for her exemplary assistant skills- Will you wine and dine her?” you try to play coy.

“Of course, nothing but the best for my girl, Kim. How _did_ you figure it out?”

“My ‘other woman’ intuition, that is, me knowing about the other woman”

“And I thought I was so good at keeping it a secret.”

“Why don't you go and ask her now, I'm sure she'll say yes.”

“Why not?” Beca says, completely straight faced. You narrow your eyes willing for her to crack, you wonder how far she'd be able to keep it up.

You decide to play a little trick on her.

“I have her on speed dial... its dialing. Hello Kimmy Jin. Yeah, it's Chloe. Please don't hang up, it's important, I'll give the phone to Beca…she wants to ask you out. When do you think you're free tomorrow? Sure, and I'll tell her about the raise. Sure, you too. Do take care.”

Beca’s face is priceless going through a whole spectrum of emotions. At first she watched on bemused and unbelieving. But her eyes widened considerably as the conversation went on, completely buying it, now looking utterly terrified at the idea, almost as if fearing for her life.

“I'm kidding.”

“Oh thank god. “ she breathes out, fully relieved. “I was hoping you were. That image itself scared the shit out of me.”

“So...if not Kimmy Jin then, is this you asking me out...like on a date?” you smirk as she flushes.

“Yeah. I mean if you don't want it to be...we could just hang out-but I want to take you somewhere special. But it's whatever you want.” She shrugs, trying not to make a big deal out of it.

“Sounds like a date.” you sing song, nudging her till she's smiling, still somewhat embarrassed, but smiling none the less. "If it is, then I suppose I don't really mind, I'm not completely put off by the idea." you play off your excitement, acting unperturbed.

“Wait. Is that a yes? Like an official yes. A no taking it back yes?” she laughs, nerves forgotten, looking happy and relieved, surprised even.

“Yes, you dork.” you answer, barely able to control your own laughter when she's rushing to hug you tightly.

* * *

 The lights are blinding. There's heavy anticipation for this performance. Beca’s Girls group number with the coach herself.

 You're standing on a seemingly endless empty stage, without any instruments or instrumentalists. Doing for the first time on The Voice stage a group acapella number.

 It's Beca then you standing beside Fat Amy, she's next to Stacie and beside her is Cynthia Rose. Beca breaks the line and steps ahead then starts counting you off.

 _One_.

You knew this number so well you could do this in your sleep. You faintly recall a drunken rendition at the girls night at Beca’s a couple of days ago.

 _Two_.

You share a knowing, amused glance with Fat Amy and you bite your lip trying to hold back a laugh.

Beca points at Stacie who starts in Aubrey’s place.

_Tut too roo tut tooroo tu roo toot  
_

Fat Amy comes in adding humming

Then Cynthia Rose with the percussion cymbals

Then Beca looks at you and you start. You maintain eye contact with her when you sing.

 _Oh, her eyes, her eyes,_  
_make the stars look like they're not shining_  
_Her hair, her hair, falls perfectly without her trying_  
_She's so beautiful, and I tell her every day_

Beca starts her piece and the two of you sing together, each of your parts interlacing beautifully.

 _(I was thinking bout her, thin-kin bout me)_  
_I know, I know_  
_(Thin-kin bout us, what we gon' be)_  
_when I compliment her she won't believe me_  
_(Open my eyes yeah, it was only Just A Dream)_  
_it's so, it's so, sad to think that she don't see what I see_  
_But every time she asks me do I look ok,_  
_(It's only just a dream)_ _  
_ I say

She encourages for you girls to start up a beat, by stomping your feet and clapping.

There's this energy going through everyone, and it's all going smoothly. This was the best you'd all sounded together.  
  
_When I see your face_  
_(So I travelled back, down that road_  
_Will she come back, no one knows)_  
_There's Not a thing that I would change_  
_(I realize yeah, it was only Just A Dream)_  
_Because girl you're amazing, just the way you are_  
_(it was only Just A Dream)_  
  
_When I see your face_  
_(So I travelled back, down that road_  
_Will she come back, no one knows)_  
_It's Not a thing that I would change_  
_(I realize yeah, it was only Just A Dream)_  
_Cause girl you're amazing, just the way you are_ _  
_ (it was only Just A Dream)

“That was beautiful. Let's cheer on our girl group.”

Carson joins everyone on stage and continues his spiel.

“Yesterday Chloe performed a Stacie Orrico number. Will it be enough to bring her through to next week?  Let's look at the results of your voting when we come back.”

None of you leave the stage as it was only a quick commercial break. The rest of the artists and their coaches gather there as well.

You feel your heart pounding as you await the results. You clasp hands with the girls, the people who most matter to you right now. You're not ready for this to end just yet. Not ready to say goodbye to the competition or the girls.

“We’re back-and we have our Top 10 standing together for one last time on stage. From team Beca we have Stacie, Cynthia Rose and Chloe. We have Team Blake’s last woman standing Patricia aka Fat Amy. We have Usher and his boys, Luke, Donald and Bumper and team Adam with Kori, underdogs Denise and Ashley.”

You feel yourself blanking out as they call off names one after the other, feeling your stomach squirm with nerves. There was no relief, no guarantee until you heard-

“Chloe Beale is safe.”

You find yourself pulled into a tight group hug and you cherish the few seconds until they remind you that you have to walk offstage.

You stay at the wings unable to relax, alternating between crossing your fingers and praying to the high heavens, begging, needing for every one of your girls to make it.

The heaviness on your chest lessens when you hear Cynthia Rose’s name called, then Amy's, but then you hear Kori’s too. And also Bumper’s. All the rest of the boys are already saved and part of the Top 8.

Stacie's name isn't called.

You feel tense, your stomach coiled tightly, blood pounding loudly in you ears.

You wait with baited breath for the final person to be chosen for the last spot in the Top 8. Stacie stands tall and proud beside two of Team Adam's girls-both sweet girls with killer voices; Ashley was a power belter and Denise a former opera singer.

“Who will make it into our Top 8? Who has the most public votes to keep her in the competition?”

Carson gives a deliberate pause just to build that tension up. You almost want to scream for him to get on with it. But you realise that, it could very well not be your friend's name that he next calls out, and you'd rather him not say anything at all, if he wasn't going to say Stacie’s name.

“The one that completes our Top 8 is….”

The anticipation was killing you, you swear at any moment your heart was going to beat right out of your own chest.

“Stacie Conrad!"

At that you feel yourself able to breathe again, feeling a heavy weight lifted off your chest.

You watch as Beca gives Stacie a hug. The two exchange words before Beca heads back to her chair and Stacie disappears downstage.

"And that makes all three of Beca Mitchell's girls to make it to the next round and we have to say goodbye to two beautiful ladies from Team Adam. Adam any last words to your girls?”

"Just that... it's always a shame to say goodbye to such talented individuals-especially when it's part of such a cut-throat  competition where you feel like everything goes by so quickly that there's never enough time for everyone to stand out, or get their moment. But despite that, these two where strong competitors throughout the entire season, they were underdogs going into it and they made it this far. Just know that it wasn't for nothing. Today wasn't your day but it doesn't mean you won't get there. There's always a new tomorrow...I have every confidence that the both of you will make your mark in this industry."

It was beautiful, it was hopeful. It was a beautiful message; Things could get better.

You have the sudden urge to look up, and catch yourself locking on to Beca 's eyes from across the stage, knowing even before you did that it was her,  hyper aware of her whereabouts, always attuned to her gaze on you.

She nods at you, sends the briefest of smiles your way and you return it before she looks away. Face completely blank but with an obvious blush to her cheeks.

Today was a start. Tomorrow a new beginning. For the first time in a long while you're looking forward to it. You can hardly wait for what tomorrow would bring.

 


End file.
